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When Minhee left for Tokyo, her mother told her:
"Stay away from the wannabe band boys with the leather jackets that smell of cigarettes, okay? They're nothing but trouble."
No problem there. Minhee's type had always been someone softer, anyway. Someone who would wake up with her to enjoy a warm cup of tea by the kitchen counter as the morning sunlight filtered through the curtains.
There was one thing her mother never accounted for.
"Good morning."
Her mother warned her of the wannabe band boys, the ones with the leather jackets that smell of cigarettes. However, she never warned her about the band girls, with their dyed hair and their chipped nail polish.
Jisu's index finger taps on her cigarette, sending ash fluttering its way down to the ashtray. She rests on the kitchen counter, one leg hoisted on top of it, blowing smoke out the window. Her tongue peeks out after her lungs have cleared, savouring the tang of nicotine with the caffeine of her morning coffee.
It can't be healthy, but Minhee can't look away.
The sun shines on Jisu's roots, revealing the brown hue of her natural hair colour, lost under layers of raven dye. Her t-shirt slips off one shoulder, revealing olive skin and inky patterns of a gothic font. Her face is mostly clean, yet the dark eyeshadow she smears on her eyelids appears to have seeped into the creases. Minhee swears she sees specs of silver glitter on her cheeks, burgundy lipstick in the cracks of her lips.
"I made coffee," Jisu says, nodding towards the coffee machine.
"I prefer tea."
They've been living together for two months, yet Jisu still makes coffee for two in the morning. "This brand is sweeter. I thought you might like it." Her voice is a bit raspy, like it always is after a show.
Minhee shakes her head and moves to the kettle. "It's alright." She knows that Jisu means well, that she simply is too sleepy right after she wakes up, and a bit too proud later when she realises her mistake. Minhee finds it endearing that she subconsciously bought sweeter coffee for her.
She opens the cupboard where they store their glasses and mugs, right above the kettle.
Two glasses with little red strawberries plastered all over stare at her from their mighty perch upon the shelf.
"Do you like them?"
"Huh?" Minhee looks over her shoulder to find Jisu next to her, looking at the glasses she's holding. "Oh. They're cute, aren't they?"
Jisu furrows her brows. "Well, uh- Yeah."
"You don't like them, do you?"
"They don't really match my vibe." Jisu motions down to herself, to her torn tights and platform shoes. She's right; the glasses have little red strawberries on them. They're more Minhee's niche than Jisu's.
She puts them back down. "Fine."
"I didn't say you shouldn't get them!"
"There's no point in getting them if we won't use them."
"But you like them!"
Minhee smiles at her. Despite her intimidating appearance, Jisu is much sweeter than she lets on. She's glad they've grown close enough to the point that she can see that. "It's okay, we'll find something else."
Jisu huffs. "Whatever. I'm going to go get an ashtray."
When they got back home, Minhee caught her pulling the glasses out of the bag.
"Did you- When did you get these?"
"Doesn't matter. Unnie liked them, so I got them." Jisu said. "And before you say anything! I couldn't not. You looked like a kicked kitten."
Minhee's mother warned her of the wannabe band boys, the ones with the leather jackets that smelled of cigarettes, but if Jisu were a guy, she'd be one of those.
If Jisu were a guy, she'd be the love of Minhee's life.
She stares back at the glasses with the little red strawberries. Then, she reaches for the plain, beige mug next to them. She opens the paper box next to the kettle, now filled with water straight from the sink, and pulls out a tea bag.
Back home, her mother had many different blends in her cupboard, everything bought from the tea shop down the street. She'd brew tea based on the occasion, taking the mood and weather into account. Minhee doesn't have that luxury now, so she buys tea from the grocery store.
The water comes to a boil, hitting against the kettle's metal walls all hot and angry. The colour of dried lavender bleeds into the transparency of the water when she pours it into the mug with the tea bag inside. Steam travels through the air, intertwining with the remnants of cigarette smoke.
"Mm. Smells nice," Jisu sighs, taking another drag of the blunt between her fingers.
Minhee nods and starts dunking the bag up and down in small, repetitive motions. More colour pours out of it, tainting the water in full.
"We have another show this weekend."
Minhee's actions falter. She looks to Jisu, but her face is turned away, towards the window.
"I was wondering if you'd like to come. You never asked, so I thought that maybe you were waiting for an invitation," Jisu says. "You're free this weekend, right?"
"Yes."
"Well then, now you've been officially invited."
Jisu brings the cigarette to her lips one last time, the ring of flame almost reaching the filter. She gives up on it after that, pressing the lit tip into the ashtray perched upon the windowsill above the sink. She shifts, lowering her leg from the counter. Hair falls in front of her round eyes, dried mascara clumping her eyelashes together.
A hand reaches out to Minhee's arm. Jisu's fingers ghost against her skin as she drags the string strap of her pyjama to its rightful place on her shoulder.
"Will I see you there, unnie?"
Minhee finds it strange that Jisu spends so much time smoking, yet her breath never gets caught in her throat like hers does right then. Maybe the steam of boiling water is more hazardous than people give it credit for.
"I'll be there," she mutters.
Jisu gives her a big smile, one that bunches up her cheeks and leads her lips to form a pretty heart. Minhee is sure men swoon when they see it.
The thought makes something twist in her stomach. Barbed wire coils around itself, and it hurts.
"Great!" Jisu jumps off the counter. "I'll show you what rock is, Minhee-unnie. Just you wait." She announces and leaves the kitchen, a pep to her step as she goes. Minhee hears her muttering as she walks to the bathroom. "I need to get hair dye…"
She looks down at her mug. The colour is darker than it is supposed to be. She raises the rim to her lips, takes a sip. Bitter. She adds a spoonful of honey to battle the bitterness. Her mother always advised her to eat honey when she had a sore throat, saying that it helps with internal tears.
She wonders if the honey will make it all the way to the pits of her stomach.
-
The venue is full of people. Minhee hasn't felt so out of place before in her life.
Everyone around her is clad in something dark one way or another, with studded belts and fur details on their clothes. They look like everything her mother warned her about and more. Meanwhile, there she stands, in a violet dress because it was the darkest thing she had in her wardrobe. She paired it with her brown boots and black stockings in an attempt to replicate Jisu's style, but they don't give off the same vibe as her chunky platforms.
Needless to say, she feels lost.
"Hey! You there, with the headband!"
Minhee lifts a hand to the top of her head, feeling the black ribbon she'd grabbed at the last minute before leaving the house.
"Yes, you!"
A tall woman steps out of the crowd, wearing a fitted suit jacket and flared pants. They outline her lithe figure perfectly, and her accessories only make her look ten times more eye-catching. They're silver, many of them depicting flowers.
"Minhee, right?" She asks, flashing a little smile.
"Uh, yeah," she replies, blinking up at her. "Sorry, who are you?"
"I'm Hyejin. Jisu sent me out to get you since the band is going to be busy getting ready for the show." Her eyes trail down Minhee's frame. "Good thing she did. You look lost."
Because I am.
Hyejin nods towards the stage. "Come on. We saved you some seats near the front."
"We?"
"My girlfriend and I."
Minhee swallows the lump that forms in her throat.
They push through the sea of people, Hyejin leading the way. It's a good thing she's taller than average, because it's easier to spot her in the mass of floating heads that has already gathered for the performance.
Once they get to the front, another girl with blonde hair waves at them, motioning them closer. She's dressed like most people here, but even upon first glance, it's obvious that her cheerful disposition is bright enough to light up this place from the inside out.
"You found her! Hi!" She beams when Minhee and Hyejin get closer, sparkles in the shape of stars glued to her freckled cheekbones. They fit too well for Minhee not to believe they're not permanently part of her face. "I'm Lis, Jisu's best friend. It's so nice to meet you!"
"I'm Minhee." She smiles, because Lis's smile is contagious. "Nice to meet you, too."
"You're Jisu's roommate, right?" Hyejin says, hooking an arm around Lis's shoulder. Minhee watches as her girlfriend melts into her. "How long has that been going on?"
"Two months, give or take."
"And this is your first time coming to a show? Oh my god, you've been missing out!" Lis exclaims. "I promise, the band is so good. I work here, so I've been in the crowd for every performance. It's how I met Jisu! You won't be disappointed."
And, Minhee knows that already. The walls of their apartment aren't that thick, and as a result, she's heard Jisu sing in the shower on a few rare occasions. It's why she's been avoiding this like the plague.
But then, Jisu finally managed to charm her into coming. Minhee has found out that she has a hard time saying no to her.
Suddenly, the lights go out, sending the crowd into a lull of quiet chatter. There is a change in the atmosphere of the venue, a new buzz in the air.
"It's starting!" Lis whispers into her ear.
The loud strum of guitar strings sounds from the large speakers next to the stage, and it sends a shiver down Minhee's spine. She freezes, ears searching for something in the darkness, since her eyes are no longer useful. Jewellery jingles as a pair of boots make their way on stage, and everything goes quiet.
Then, a whisper: "One, two…"
The room comes to life, filling the space with music. The lights turn on again, and in place of an empty set, there are four people, each assigned their own instrument.
Minhee's eyes are immediately magnetised to the band member behind the mic stand.
The crowd cheers, and Jisu lets the intro play, aligning herself with the music as it courses through her body. She taps her foot to the rhythm that flows from her bandmates, a cigarette in her mouth. She takes a long drag out of it and lets it fall to the floor, stepping on it with the heel of her boot. Then, her lips shape themselves around the first word of the song.
Jisu begins to sing, and Minhee's world comes to a standstill.
Listening to her voice now, layered over heavy bass and the beat of the drums, is so different from hearing echoes of it through the walls. Jisu is glowing, pink and green LED lights outlining her figure. She's in her element, her true nature coming into view, and it's the most beautiful thing Minhee has ever seen.
She is the most beautiful thing she's laid eyes on.
Lis throws an arm over her shoulders, snapping her out of her daze.
"They're so cool, right?!" She yells over the music, hopping up and down with the rest of the people around them.
Minhee can only nod absentmindedly as her eyes find Jisu again. Except this time, Jisu is looking back.
Her eyes are surrounded by midnight blue eyeshadow, and yet they look so bright, a moon in a night sky. They gleam and sparkle, and Minhee swears she sees them wrinkle around the edges with the hints of a smile.
Jisu sends her a wink. Minhee's heart skips a beat. She brings a hand to her chest, hoping to mute the sound, but all it does is make her aware of the irregular rhythm echoing between her ribs.
The song ends after what feels like ages, the first beads of sweat clinging to the band members' faces.
"Thank you all for coming tonight!" Jisu speaks into the mic, a little breathless, and the crowd erupts. She lets out a small chuckle that's barely picked up as audio and quickly checks on her bandmates before turning to the audience again. "Are you ready, Tokyo?!"
And although the answer screamed back at her is a resounding "yes", Minhee doesn't think Tokyo – or anyone else, for that matter – will ever be truly ready for the phenomenon that is Han Jisu.
Song after song, Minhee loses herself more and more. She never thought she'd enjoy rock music – at least, not like this. But Lis is getting her hair messy by nodding her head to the beat, and Hyejin is grinning widely the entire time, and Jisu-
"Sorry, I need- I need to go to the bathroom."
Lis stops, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Huh? What?"
"Bathroom!"
"I'll take you," Hyejin says. She briefly turns to her girlfriend. "Stay here, okay?"
"Okay, baby!" Lis throws a kiss at her and directs her attention back to the stage.
Hyejin places a hand on Minhee's back and starts guiding her all the way to the wall at the side of the venue. A narrow hallway is tucked near the corner, with a small WC sign above it. As soon as they slip inside and the noise loses some volume, the ringing in Minhee's ears makes itself known.
"The bathroom is the first door on the right," Hyejin tells her, leaning against the wall. "I'll wait for you here."
"Okay, thank you."
The soles of her boots stick to the floor as she makes her way to the bathroom. She slips inside and rushes to one of the mirrors hanging above the sinks.
Her flushed reflection back at her. Jisu would say that she looks like a strawberry.
He lets cold water cool down her hands and then pats her cheeks, trying to make the colour fade. It doesn't. The only result is that her fingers just feel colder than before. She can still hear Jisu's vocals in the background. They sneak into her brain and fill every thought, much like the woman herself.
Minhee doesn't know what to do. What would her family say? What would her mother say?
She has no idea. She never had any conversation of this sort with her mother, because it was not within the future Minhee had planned for herself. She came to Tokyo to breathe romance into her life, both into her everyday routine and in the form of a partner. Her mother knows as much, and she was happy for her when Minhee left.
Would she be happy if she discovered that her daughter found what she was looking for, but it turned out to be different from what they expected?
She leaves the bathroom after wiping away the water from her cheeks and fixing up her blush.
Hyejin is standing when she left her, toying with a lighter. Minhee only then notices the vine of violet curling around her fingers, spreading all over the expanse of her hand. The flowers are coloured in with what looks like eyeshadow, if the shimmer is anything to go by. It reminds her a bit of the purple eyeshadow Lis is wearing.
"That's a nice tattoo," she says, taking a spot against the wall next to Hyejin, albeit way more stiff than her. She's not ready to return to the crowd yet. She needs a few more moments to prepare herself for that.
"Not a tattoo." Hyejin clicks the lighter shut, then flips it on again. The flame flickers like the mischief in her eyes. "Yet."
"Why not?"
"My agency's regulations don't allow it." Then, she adds, "I'm a model."
"Oh…"
"But I promised Lis. It's her favourite flower." She smiles to herself. "One day, I'll get it for her, even if I have to do it in secret."
Minhee thinks it's sweet.
Jisu has tattoos, her mind offers. She wonders if Jisu's tattoos are for someone else – someone other than herself.
She… She doesn't want them to be.
"Let's go back. We're missing the show."
She doesn't feel any more prepared than she was a couple of minutes ago, but Hyejin is right. They're missing the show, and she imagines that Jisu wouldn't be too happy about that. "Okay."
So they go back, and Minhee loses herself again. Bodies bumping into her, hands thrown in the air, chants for more, more, more. Minhee's heart chants for the same thing, yet it's quiet, like a prayer.
She doesn't know if the prayer asks for more or for forgiveness, even though her family has never been religious.
Jisu thanks the crowd on behalf of the band when the show is over. She lets each member have their moment to shine, each receiving loud applause. They deserve it. Minhee may have been looking at the singer the whole time, but a band is not a one-man team.
After they leave the stage, Lis turns to her, clasping her hand. "Come on, we can go meet Jisu backstage!"
Minhee hesitates a bit. "Is that allowed?"
"I work here, remember?" Lis rolls her eyes. "Besides, we're VIP."
"We are?"
"I'd hope so!" Hyejin scoffs. "We're her only friends outside the band!"
Before she knows it, she's being dragged backstage by an overexcited Lis.
The space at the back is different compared to the rest of the venue. It's bathed in warm, dim lighting, with carpeted floors and boxes stacked everywhere. Some couches form a circle around a coffee table, forming what seems to be a lounge area next to a vending machine. Then there is a long hallway, with doors on either side.
Minhee hears chatter from the nearest one, and it is the one Lis leads them to before she slams the door open.
"Jisu!"
"Hey!" Jisu exclaims, and she lets Lis run into her arms, engulfing her in a tight hug.
"You were so cool, I'll never get over it! A shame you didn't play the guitar tonight, but you were still amazing." She pulls back, examining Jisu's face. "Did the makeup last? You looked like you sweated a lot."
"It held on well, you did a good job."
"Well, of course I did. I'm a professional."
Jisu chuckles. "Thank you." Her eyes shift to the doorway, where Minhee stands next to Hyejin. They land on Minhee in particular as she says, "And thank you for taking care of my cat while I was performing."
Minhee's face grows red in seconds. "A-A cat-? I'm not-!"
"She does look like one, doesn't she?" Hyejin speaks up, leaning closer to examine her face.
"They're saying it because you're pretty, Minhee-unnie. Leave her alone!"
Jisu frowns at Lis's words. "'Unnie'? You just met."
"Ah, Jisu." One of the band members comes up to her. Minhee recognises him as the bassist by his hair, which is styled in short spikes. "The others and I are going out after this. Do you and your friends want to tag along?"
"Sorry, my unnie and I already have plans!"
Minhee blinks. They do? Since when?
The guy shrugs. "Alright then. See you at practice?"
"Yeah."
The rest of the band members filed out of the room one by one, waving goodbye to them and thanking them for coming. They seem nice, even though they're exactly the type her mother warned her of.
Minhee is starting to suspect that it wasn't the people themselves she was trying to warn about.
"Well, since you two have plans, we're going to head out," Hyejin says.
Lis wraps herself around her arm. "Can we go get some food on the way back? I'm starving, and I want something warm."
Hyejin smiles and places a kiss on her nose. "We can." Then she turns to Minhee. "It was nice meeting you. Let's do this again sometime."
"Oh, we totally are," Lis says. "Next time you plan to come to a show, drop by my place first. I can give you a cute makeover for the night! Here, let me give you my number."
They exchange phone numbers, with Lis adding a bunch of little emoticons next to her name that are frankly more lengthy than any contact Minhee has in her phone, and with that, the two of them leave, wrapped up in each other.
They're cute. If Minhee didn't know any better, she'd say that she doesn't feel an inkling of jealousy.
"So…" Jisu drags out the word, chipping at her nail polish. She looks at Minhee through her dark lashes, a small smirk on her face.
"So. We have plans?" She asks.
"I mean, if you want us to."
Silence lapses between them. Minhee wants, but she's not sure if she can trust herself anymore. Lately, she's been wanting a lot of things she's not supposed to want.
She finds herself wanting to smoke a cigarette because she wants to have an example of what Jisu's lips might taste like. Tasting the real thing is a line she cannot cross, a want that's too dangerous to toy with.
"Then we should get going."
Jisu smiles. "Let me grab my stuff."
-
They haven't said much since they left. Jisu took her things, talked to the man running the venue for future show dates, and they were on their way. Since then, Minhee has been letting her lead the way.
She toys with the strap of her bag and the keychains hanging from it. One of them is, of course, a little cat. Because Jisu thought it looked like her and bought it on impulse.
"Did you enjoy the show?" Jisu breaks the silence, turning her head only slightly toward her.
"Yeah. I think Lis phrased it best: you were very cool," she says, smiling.
"Lis is always like that." Jisu rolls her eyes, yet mentions her friend in a softer tone. "She likes to hype me up way too much."
"Do you usually play the guitar at your shows?" Minhee then asks.
Jisu furrows her brows. "Me?"
"Yes, you. Lis mentioned it backstage, how it was a shame you didn't get to play tonight."
"Oh!" Realisation dawns on her. "I do, sometimes! Mostly at smaller shows, because our guitarist isn't permanent. He switches between three bands, so it's not always easy for him to be there."
"Really?"
"Yeah, but we've been convincing him to stick around with us." Jisu proudly puffs out her chest.
Minhee chuckles. "You would have convinced me to stay."
"I bet I would have."
They keep walking until they come across a taiyaki stand. Jisu points to it, asks her if she'd like to get a quick bite of something to eat. Minhee isn't really hungry, but she won't say no to taiyaki.
The waffle is crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. The red bean paste inside is just at the right level of sweetness with no extra sugar. In her time living here, she has learned that it's always the most random street vendors that have the best treats, somehow.
"My turn to pay!" Jisu exclaims, reaching for some cash.
Minhee easily beats her to it, her wallet already in her hands. "Not this time, Jisu-yah." She pays the vendor, offering him a small "thank you" when he hands her back her change.
They've had many debates over this, and Minhee hasn't lost once. She doesn't plan to do so anytime soon, especially since Jisu keeps getting other stuff for her. She's fairly sure that that cat keychain is yet another instance of that, along with the strawberry glasses.
It started because Minhee is older, and she thought that it'd be polite to treat Jisu once in a while. But then, it stuck simply because Minhee has grown to like taking care of her.
"How come my turns never comes?" Jisu pouts.
It's okay, Minhee can live with Jisu's pouting.
They keep walking to who-knows-where. Jisu bites off the taiyaki's tail, filling her cheeks up. She tends to do that every time she eats. When Minhee noticed it the first time, she'd been worried about her choking. Now that it's been proven to her that it's not at all dangerous, she just finds it adorable.
She's aware that Jisu likes to be taken seriously. Jisu herself made it clear during their first week of living together.
She told her that people often underestimate her, and that she hates it. Jisu is short, and her features are softer than most – softer than Minhee's, too. She can mold them into something harsher with powder and dark liner, but not change completely. She told Minhee that she had to prove herself again and again to get herself and the band to where they are now.
"I wish I had your bone structure, unnie. I seriously got mad when I first saw you because you were so good-looking."
"You did?"
"I did."
Minhee didn't say it back then, but she thought that Jisu had to be rather blind not to see how pretty she was. Then she found out that Jisu actually wears glasses and contact lenses, and she never vocalised that thought.
The streets are still full of people, even though it is past midnight. Tokyo really is one of those cities that never finds rest. There is always something going on.
A few weeks ago, Minhee could see Jisu enjoying the clamour and noise. She was loud, and she looked like the type to enjoy her time hanging out with friends. Jisu never stayed inside their house very often, always on the move, like everyone else in this city.
However, that was before their slow mornings by the counter, before the late-night conversations at the kitchen table.
After Minhee found a place to work, she started getting up earlier. That initiated their morning routine of waking up together.
It became their first step to becoming friends. After that came their nightly encounters, and then Jisu's soft singing behind walls, and then…
Then the rest is still being written.
"Oh, hey. I didn't expect the park to still be open."
Minhee pauses. She looks up. "It must be because it's a full moon. Some parks stay open in case people want to stargaze, I think."
"That's nice," Jisu hums. "Want to check it out?"
Minhee nods and tosses away her paper towel in a trashcan near the park's entrance. Then, she falls back into step by Jisu's side.
Walking in the park at night was something forbidden to her since she was a little girl, and for good reason.
There are a lot of monsters that lurk in the dark, under beds and behind the shadows of trees. She lives in a world where it is normal for women to fear the night. Minhee will never forgive society for taking the starry sky away from her, a sight she never stopped to admire while outside, because who knows what would happen to her if she did.
Jisu walks with her head tilted back, eyes to the sky and a cigarette between her lips.
"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" She says. Minhee's eyes snap wide open before Jisu continues. "A guy confessed to me like that once."
Something akin to disappointment settles in her stomach. "He did?"
"Yeah." Jisu scoffs. "It was cloudy."
Minhee laughs, and the disappointment fades, because that's too ridiculous to be true. "There's no way that actually happened."
"I'm not lying!" Jisu playfully nudges into her, shoulders bumping together. Their arms connect all the way down to their wrists, because Jisu's hand – the one not holding the cigarette – is in her pocket. "I think he was trying to impress me by saying something poetic because I told him that I write songs."
"Why would he choose an overused line to impress you?"
"No idea." Jisu shakes her head and takes in a deep breath of smoke. She holds it in her lungs for a second, and then breathes it out. "You don't like that kind of stuff, then?"
"Huh?"
"You called it 'overused'. So you don't like that type of cliché stuff?"
Minhee hums. "I suppose I don't care about them much, but they're nice."
"Huh."
Minhee turns to look at her. Jisu is looking right back.
"What is it?"
"I don't know. I expected a pretty girl like unnie to be into romance more," Jisu says.
Pretty girl.
Minhee doesn't fully digest the word. It makes her voice a bit quieter when she speaks. "I like romance."
Jisu nods her head. She brings the cigarette to her lips again. "What type of romance?"
"What… type?"
"Like, what's your dream type?"
Two months ago, the answer to that question would have been simple. Minhee never had to give it much thought. The media she consumed from a young age had shaped that image in her head, one of a handsome, caring man who'd embrace her in her dreams like a prince charming. Bits and pieces were added here and there, mostly by society's standards: he'd need to have a stable job, he'd need to know how to cook simple meals, and he'd need to be a gentleman.
And then there is Jisu walking next to her. Without a stable job, without the ability to cook anything and not setting the stove on fire, and without the ability to be a gentleman, because she's not a man.
She's not a man. But if she were, she'd be Minhee's type – she'd be much more than that.
She wants Jisu to be more than that.
It goes against everything she's been taught by her mother. Her mother shaped her into who she is, and Minhee is grateful. She was raised in a loving household, but expectations are present in every aspect of life.
Her mother wants grandkids.
Minhee never wanted kids.
"Unnie?"
Jisu comes into her field of view, doe eyes sparkling under the dim light of the overhead lamp. Minhee snaps out of her thought, halting in her steps.
"S-Sorry. I got lost in thought there."
"Is it that hard to think of a guy you'd like?" Jisu raises a brow.
"No…" It's just that my type is apparently not even a guy.
Jisu tilts her head a bit, eyes trailing all over her face. Before Minhee has a chance to ask her what it is, Jisu is reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Your hair was getting stuck to your lip gloss. It looked annoying," she mutters, fingers brushing the side of her neck.
The near-touch is making Minhee's skin all prickly, but it's not what she focuses on.
Jisu was looking at my lips.
That little sentence weaves itself into every part of her brain. She's always been a bit of a hopeless romantic.
Is she like me? Does she want a taste, too?
They stay like that for longer than Minhee can recall. Eventually, Jisu lets her hand settle on the side of her neck with a grin.
"Hey, unnie," she says. "What's your dream type?"
"I think…" Minhee mutters. She decides to take a leap, test the waters. "I'd like someone who smokes."
Jisu's grin grows. "Really?"
"Mhm."
"Well, we'd better get you used to the taste then, right?" She brings her cigarette to her lips, inhaling one more time and then dropping the remains of it.
The hand at Minhee's neck shifts, and then her thumb applies pressure to her chin gently, meant to coax her mouth open. Minhee is transfixed by the look in Jisu's eyes, and she listens before she gives it any thought.
Jisu leans in.
Her lips almost brush against Minhee's as she exhales the smoke into her mouth.
She doesn't register what's going on at first. However, she remembers seeing a couple do this on their way out of the venue earlier. Minhee's eyes had lingered, but only because the girl reminded her of Jisu. She hadn't paid attention to their actions, but now-
Now she finds herself sucking in the smoke, as she'd seen being done earlier.
It burns her lungs immediately. It's bitter and hot and, well, smoky, and she manages to hold it down for a few seconds before she starts coughing it out in small puffs.
Jisu pulls back, eyes wide for a moment, before she bursts out laughing.
"You're so bad at this!" She cackles, bent over and clutching her stomach.
Minhee flushes. That was such a nice moment, almost- almost romantic! And she went ahead and ruined it! Plus, Jisu is laughing at her instead of being worried about her well-being!
"Don't laugh at me! I'm older than you!" She shoots back, slapping Jisu playfully on her back.
"You looked like- You looked like a train!"
Jisu keeps laughing. Minhee is not having any of it.
She grabs Jisu by the shoulders, straightening her up. Jisu pats at her waterline, trying to rid herself of any tears that might ruin her makeup. She's smiling, and she's beautiful, and Minhee wants.
Expectations are present in every aspect of life, but Minhee knows that wants are just another version of that. We want to live a good life, and so we set high expectations.
Maybe a good life doesn't have to be dictated by that height.
She dives in.
Jisu's lips are chapped, but they're soothed instantly by the lip gloss on her own lips. It tastes like strawberries at first, and all of it is her doing, because Jisu is frozen and she's not moving her mouth at all. Discouraged and with fear slowly creeping up behind her, Minhee is about to pull away, but then a hand presses the back of her head and keeps her there, steady and gentle.
When Jisu starts kissing back, it feels better than anything she could have imagined.
The lip gloss makes things a bit messier than they should be, causing their lips to stick somewhat uncomfortably, but Jisu solves the problem by licking over Minhee's lips with a slide of her tongue. It helps, if only momentarily, and almost makes Minhee's knees buckle.
And finally, when Jisu slips her tongue in her mouth, she tastes it.
Cigarettes. Cigarettes, but with a hint of strawberry lip gloss, stolen right from the source.
Jisu makes a small noise at the back of her throat, and she tilts her head. She blindly reaches for Minhee's hands and slides them up to her shoulders, before her own hands settle on her waist. The weight of them is light. Minhee feels as though she'll be blown away by the tiniest gust of wind.
She's gone on dates. She's been kissed by men before. But Jisu is different, and not just because she's a woman.
They pull back after a few more seconds. Minhee blinks her eyes open. The lamplight shining down on them feels like one of those bright stagelights that Jisu had shone under tonight. She shines now, too, centimetres from her face.
She's smiling, gums showing. It's Minhee's favourite. It became her favourite, somewhere in their slow mornings by the counter, in the late-night conversations at the kitchen table.
"Hey, Minhee-unnie," she whispers. "The moon looks beautiful tonight, doesn't it?"