Work Text:
Duty or Desire
He’d needed time alone to come to terms with everything running through his head so he’d retreated off to Brocket Hall; a place he was certain of that would offer solace. It was always so beautiful at this time of the year. The colour of the leaves on the ground painting the countryside a beautiful mix of browns, oranges, and greens. The atmosphere of Brocket Hall was one of serenity mixed with the sorrow of memories as the rooks crowed their songs.
They knew of the turmoil raging through his heart and mind. His heart desired the Queen’s own and yet…he knew he could bear no claim to it for the good of Queen and country. While he may very well be what she desired, he was not the person the country needed their King to be. He’d come here to steel himself for the journey ahead, for the heartache that would surely come as he would deny himself and his precious Queen their heart’s deepest desire. King Leopold had been correct in saying he had the power to influence who his Victoria chose as her husband. What he’d left unsaid is that if Melbourne truly cared about the country he would do his duty and break his Queen’s heart for the good of the British Empire.
He was so lost in thought until he heard a crinkle and rustle of leaves not far off to his left and upon turning he found walking towards him none other than his beloved. She was wearing a veil that did little to conceal her identity or maybe it did and he just knew he too well already that the way she carried herself was a clear identifier. Of course she’d found him, she’d done so once before when he’d been out of her company past mid-morning tea. He found his heart skipping a beat as she neared closer. She was alone, they were alone. There was no one around, no need to conceal anything or watch the words they said. It was dangerous and he had to proceed carefully, lest he give in to his desires. He couldn’t help but indulge in her beauty despite the conversation he’d just been having about pushing her in the direction of another man. He found himself amused at the single garment worn in hopes of concealment and voiced his humour.
“Oh, it is you ma’am. I couldn’t tell.” A smile crept its’ way onto his face portraying just how amused he was at the situation.
She echoed the smile, her eyes shining upon seeing his face that he’d denied her sight of for the better part of the day. “The butler said you would be here.”
“I come here for the rooks. They’re sociable animals. A gathering like this is called a parliament.” As he met her eyes he noticed the smile on her face that suggested she was happy, but the wringing of her gloved hands gave away her nervousness. He found it an oddity but continued his sentence knowing she would speak her mind. “All together more civilized than the human equivalent.” He said with a playful smile.
He watched her in silence for a moment as she looked everywhere but him as if trying to gather her courage to speak her mind. “I’m sorry to disturb you Lord M…but I had to talk to you.”
“Brocket hall is honoured ma’am.”
“I’ve come here incognito of course.”
“Of course. Your presence cannot be entirely disguised.” He quipped finding his feet propelling him closer still to the woman who had been in every thought of his since first meeting. He could feel her presence drawing him in, begging him come closer like a siren and he was but a sailor lost at sea, looking to her for guidance. He smiled again and watched her take a breath; it seemed they had the same effect on one another, the only difference being he had more years of practice on how to conceal matters of the heart while she wore hers on her beautiful purple sleeves.
Silence passed between them as they each respectively gazed at the other; he finding himself utterly entranced by her beauty and she captivated by his splendor and reflecting on how deeply she loved the man stood in front. Just standing there in her presence he was content and felt his heart swelling with such pride and affection. She switched pressure from one foot to the other and launched into what she had clearly been trying to say since she first arrived.
“Yesterday I realized something.”
He took a step feeling the need to be closer to her and encourage her to continue. “Yes ma’am?”
“I think perhaps now I’m speaking as a woman, and not as a Queen.”
His heart dropped as she uttered those words and he swallowed. This was the conversation he’d been trying to prepare himself for and yet he wasn’t ready. He wanted to live in denial just a while longer, to be in their own world not caring about what was proper or appropriate. You couldn’t control who you began to love. It was gradual and spontaneous all at the same time. The more you got to know someone and be around them the more you cared for them until one day you realize what you feel isn’t platonic or good natured and you’d do anything to see them smile. That’s what’d happened to the both of them and he suspected this was when she would confess that.
“At the beginning, I thought you were the father I never had. But now I feel-I know…that you’re the only companion I could ever desire.”
His lips raised in a small sad smile. Her words were a lance to his heart and somehow they also made him soar. He stepped closer even still, eliminating the remaining space between them and reached for her hand, needing to hold onto her to ground himself. To remind himself that there could be no relationship between them beyond that of Prime Minister and Queen. He took a moment of silence to become stoic as his heart would surely shatter when he saw the realization hit her eyes as he finished talking. It would be too much to bear without this simple comfort that he would soon no longer be allowed.
“Did you know that rooks mate for life?” He gazed up at her and couldn’t help but smile at her beauty, and how brave she’d been in confessing to him what they’d both known, aloud. Those words were his now and he would remember them until the day he died. His dearest Queen whom he wished to be with, would no doubt remember this day in an altogether different manner.
“Every year they build a nest together. They knew always new civilities that make marriage sparkle. But I think we could learn much from them. If I had just spent more time watching the rooks, my wife would have felt more attended to-”
“She should never have left you.”
There were tears in her eyes when he finally looked back at her again and it was too much for his heart to bear. He couldn’t go through with this, couldn’t break her heart when he could already begin to see it cracking. He could not live with himself if he continued on this path. Surely he would be counted a villain for having done such a thing to a woman so undeserving of it.
“I would never do such a thing.” She whispered as a promise and he knew she meant it. She would never leave his side if he permitted her to stay there and he could only offer a small smile at that realization.
“No. I believe when you give your heart it will be without hesitation.” He took a breath and continued with no true emotion in his words that came next. “But you cannot give it to me.”
“I think you have it already.” Looking into her eyes as she confessed his resolve broke and his will to put country first was defeated by Queen.
“I think you have mine already as well ma’am…if I may be so bold.”
He watched as a small joyous laugh of relief passed through her lips and how her eyes now sparkled for him. He couldn’t think of a more beautiful sight than the image in front of him now. He let go of her hand and instead replaced his hand on her cheek, cupping the one side of her face intimately.
She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes, embracing the foreign but welcome warmth on her face.
He in turn felt in his heart that this was indeed the right thing to do. Propriety be damned, her happiness was all that truly mattered to him. And if he was who made her happy and in turn his happiness was also achieved then just how wrong could it truly be? He watched her eyes shine bright for him and he felt himself being pulled closer, wanting to press a kiss to his Queen’s lips. He watched her eyes for any sign that he should stop as his lips drifted closer to her own. He could feel her breath on his lower lip and he paused for a moment.
“Is this too presumptuous of me?” He hummed in a low voice.
“No my Lord.” She replied just above a whisper, eyes fluttering closed.
Filled with confidence at her consent he pressed his lips gently to hers, hand caressing her face and tilting her head up to meet his. Her hands grabbed hold of his lapels in an effort to remain upright as their lips moved in harmony.
There was a peace and previously unknown satisfaction as he kissed his beloved Victoria, the only thought he’d been plagued with for months.
He was the one to end the kiss, slowly drawing back and watching as her eyes fluttered open, looking at him reverently. He simply smiled and brushed his thumb along her cheek, saying softly, “You’re so beautiful my beloved Queen.”
She smiled and blushed replying, “And you my Lord are more handsome than any other who calls himself a man.”
“Did I not tell you how like all men I am susceptible to flattery?” He asked with a wry smile, removing his hand from her cheek. Victoria only smiled.
“My mother and uncle Leopold wish me to marry Prince Albert. I wish not to. The only man I wish to ever call my husband is you Lord M, should you accept my request to be my rook.”
Melbourne smiled at her use of the metaphor and nodded. “I should be so honoured to have the privilege to cherish and love a woman such as yourself ma’am.”
“Please Lord M, if you are to be my husband then I should like you to call me Victoria in private.”
“If that is your wish, I shall so change my behavior accordingly…Victoria.” He replied, a smile overcoming his features as he uttered her name with such a gentleness and adoration it made her blush.
“And what shall I call you when we are alone?”
“I must confess I am rather fond of the name you already use. But when beyond the eye of the public you may call me, William, if it so pleases you.”
“William.” She spoke trying out the name on her tongue. She smiled delightedly and said, “It does please me so…William.”
He chuckled and ducked his head, reaching for her hand. “May I escort you home?”
“Soon it shall be your home as well, as you are to be wed to me.”
“How could I forget?” He teased, smiling and offering his arm to her for the walk back to her carriage.
As they walked back all he could think was how right everything felt. His heart was truly beating again for the first time since his son died and wife left. Victoria had given restarted his heart and now like a rook they would be mates for life.