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Hayden wasn’t stupid. Despite what many people seemed to think. Sure, he wasn’t always the most observant or tactful of people but something was wrong with Shane. His best friend had been in such high spirits earlier when he left to go and see ‘Lily’ but now he was back, wearing clothes that didn’t belong to him and looking like the world had ended. Hayden would have to be blind to miss this.
He would be lying if he said he hadn’t considered the fact that Lily could be a guy. It was a thought that had come to him more recently. There must be some really big reason why Shane didn’t want to tell anyone about her identity. The first reason Hayden could come up with was that she might be married but that wasn’t the kind of person Shane was. Lily could be the most unhappily married woman and Shane still wouldn’t do something like that. So maybe Lily was a fake name. A name to cover something up if anyone found out. And what secret could be worth covering up that desperately? Shane being with a man.
It didn’t bother Hayden. He did not mind who Shane liked or fell in love with. What bothered him was the fact that Shane hadn’t felt like he could tell Hayden. Did he seem like someone who would give Shane any shit for that? Still, seeing how downcast his best friend was upon returning to the room told Hayden that something big must have happened. The fact that he was wearing some other guy’s clothes told him a lot.
Shane was being quiet. He’d got back and gone straight into the bathroom for a shower but Hayden was sure he could hear Shane crying over the noise of the shower and that pissed him off. Who had hurt Shane? Who could possibly hurt Shane? He was the sweetest person Hayden knew and he wished there was something he could do to better support his friend but Shane kept everything close to his chest. And Lily was a secret he had been carrying for years. It was unlikely that he would confess to Hayden what had happened tonight. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try and get Shane to open up to him.
When Shane emerged from the bathroom, his eyes were red. Hayden could tell his best friend had done everything he could to stop them from looking like that but had given up. He made his way to his bed while keeping his eyes on the floor. “Do you want to talk about it?” Hayden asked, gently. Shane almost flinched when Hayden spoke and it broke his heart to see Shane like this. Shane didn’t even answer, he just shook his head.
“I’m sorry.” Hayden said.
“What are you sorry for?” Shane whispered.
“For whatever I have done that makes you feel like you can’t tell me things. For whatever I did that means you don’t trust me.” Hayden explained.
“It’s not that I don’t trust you…” Shane trailed off. Part of Hayden was glad that he had managed to convince Shane to talk to him but this wasn’t Shane. This was a shell of his best friend.
“Then why? I just want to support you. I want to be here for you. Something is wrong. I heard you crying. You were so happy when you left. What happened because I’m starting to panic. Did they hurt you?”
“Did who hurt me?” Shane inquired.
“Whoever you went to see. I would say ‘Lily’ but I don’t think you actually met some chick named Lily.” Hayden admitted.
“You don’t?”
“Shane… you returned to the room wearing another guy’s clothes. You’ve still got on the shirt. You left here in a white shirt. That one is black.” Hayden pointed out. Shane blushed a little.
“Oh.”
“So either Lily is some married chick, which does not sound like something you would do. Or Lily is a cover name for a guy, so the rest of the team doesn’t ask questions when they see her name pop up on your phone.” Hayden reasoned.
“The second one.” Shane whispered.
“Can I give you a hug?” Hayden checked. When Shane nodded, he got off his bed and pulled his closest friend into a tight hug. Anyone could see how much Shane needed it.
“You have to know that none of this matters to me. You are still my best friend, no matter who you love.” Hayden assured. This caused Shane to start crying again as he held on tightly to his best friend. Shane hadn’t known how much he needed Hayden's assurance until he had it. It broke Hayden's heart. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but I’m always here to lend an ear.” Hayden stepped back and went to sit back on the edge of his bed, knowing that Shane needed space to breathe. He didn’t like to be crowded.
“No one knows. I’ve never told anyone before.” Shane admitted.
“I’m sorry I kind of forced it out of you.” Hayden apologised. He’d basically forced Shane into coming out to him and as soon as she found out, Jackie was going to have a few choice words for her husband, Hayden knew that for sure.
“You were worried.”
“I’m still worried.” Hayden corrected. His fears for Shane and what had happened this afternoon hadn’t disappeared just because his best friend had finally confessed that he had been with another man. If anything, that had worried him more. Hayden was a man and he knew what men could be like. He’d heard horror stories from Jackie and her friends and relatives. Shane sighed heavily.
“It was nothing like that. I just…” Shane trailed off and Hayden could tell he was choosing his words carefully. “Normally it’s just sex. It has been for the entire time we’ve been doing this but today he invited me to stay, made me a tuna melt. I know I’m in love with him. I have been for a while and that scares me because there’s no way we can be together, Hayd. There is no happy ending for us. We’re not going to get together and get married and get a dog. But today, I got the impression that he could maybe feel the same way.” Shane explained. Hayden knew he must be looking at his best friend like the guy had grown an extra head. What the fuck?
“What the fuck?” Hayden asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You were crying in the shower because you’re in love with him and you think he’s in love with you but you can’t be together? That’s such bullshit.” Hayden scoffed.
“Hayden-”
“No. If you love him then you should tell him. Why are you trying to sabotage yourself? You could be happy with him but you won’t know unless you take that risk.” Hayden argued.
“You don’t know who he is. Believe me, it’s a bad idea that we’ve been having casual sex for the last six years-”
“Six!?” Hayden exclaimed. “I thought it had only been a couple!”
“Hayden-”
“For the guy with the highest hockey IQ, you’re being really stupid.”
“Hayden. You are not listening to me. We can’t be together. It doesn’t matter how I feel about him and it doesn’t matter how he feels about me. I’ve had to put an end to it. Even though it hurts now. I’m sure I’ll meet someone else one day.”
“Why can’t you be with this guy? It’s not like you’ve been fucking Ilya Rozanov.” Hayden reasoned.
“Well…”
“Are you fucking kidding me!?”