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Makochi was never truly safe. Even after surviving a major conflict with Noroshi, other small gangs continued to come and go. The scumbags who targeted Akari, the other group that crossed paths with Natsuki, or the gang that picked a fight with Momijikawa—there were many criminals who continued to emerge from the dark shadows of the city.
At the start of winter, Umemiya announced that he suspected drug dealer activity, and patrols were tightened with a more frequent schedule, involving more members.
"Well, it's been really busy lately, huh?" Suo took off his thick coat and folded it neatly to store it in his locker. He liked winter, including how layering clothes became normal, and there would be no wondered stares to him, like when he wore long sleeves on summer vacation.
"That's right... the atmosphere is also tense." Nirei rubbed his palms together, cold. "I heard that the dealers are targeting students too? Once you try the drugs, you can immediately lose your mind and become addicted."
Sakura frowned unhappily. If those illegal drugs were really that destructive, he wanted to make sure the gang responsible for spreading them was gone immediately.
"Oh yeah, today's patrol team is random, how about we meet at Pothos after we're done?" Nirei suggested. Hiragi had mixed peoples from different classes and grades for the week ahead, and Nirei didn't want his time with Sakura and Suo to be reduced.
"I don't mind," Sakura agreed without hesitation. After all, he could have dinner there and wouldn't have to cook when he got home.
"I... have other things to do today, sorry," Suo, on the other hand, gave a vague excuse that explained nothing, and smoothly changed the subject before Sakura and Nirei could pursue the details. "By the way, did you guys bring the leaves for the science lab?"
In the days that followed, Suo spent more and more time outside of school hours and routine patrols. He no longer hung out at Pothos, didn't go to Sakura's house like Nirei, Kiryu, and Tsugeura did, and didn't want to be invited to go to the mall just to look at colorful candies and winter decorations.
So, five minutes before the bell rang to signal the end of the day, Sakura grabbed Suo's shoulder to prevent him from leaving early, and gasped when his hand was quickly and spontaneously pushed away.
"What's wrong with you?"
"What's bothering you, Sakura-kun?" Suo asked calmly.
"That's exactly my question. Is there something that's upsetting you, that's why you're deliberately distancing yourself like that?" Sakura asked seriously, standing right next to the table that directly blocked Suo's access to leave the classroom.
Suo tilted his head with the innocent expression of someone who didn't understand. "I'm not avoiding you at all," he denied calmly. "Besides, you now have too many people around you to act like a lonely child."
Sakura clicked his tongue in annoyance. And if Nirei hadn't hurried over, he might have been tempted to slam his palm down on the table, just to vent his emotions. "Don't talk like you can be replaced by someone else!"
"Suo-san, that's right, are you having problems?" Nirei held Sakura's hand, his eyes looking at Suo with a pleading gaze. "You haven't been willing to train me lately, and you also seem to be withdrawing from activities...."
Suo forced his usual smile, as if Nirei wouldn't notice the exhaustion in the way he waved his hand. "I'm sorry about the training, Nirei-kun, but you're now actually more than capable of fighting, right? Without specific guidance, you can—"
"Have I been... have we been a burden to you?"
There was a moment of silence. Even the other students, like Kiryu and Tsugeura, turned their heads, without intending to interfere in the seemingly personal conversation between their class representatives.
Nirei looked at Suo with sad uncertainty, Sakura froze at the thought of how possible that was, while Suo himself was silent with shock that he swallowed alone.
"I... never thought that way."
The conversation was still hanging without conclusion when Enomoto appeared at the classroom doorway and yelled at them to hurry outside. "Get moving, first-years! There's a report from a resident that a group of suspicious people have just gathered near the bridge!"
Sakura, Nirei, and Suo exchanged glances, nodded slightly, and agreed without words to postpone this conversation for later. They began their patrol, this time in smaller groups, with Suo forming a team with Sugishita, while Sakura and Nirei stayed together.
Although they were separated for a while, they eventually met up in an alley, fighting a group of foreign youths carrying knives and iron rods. In order to save Nirei, who was about to be stabbed, Suo moved quickly to block the attack. The knife swung, tearing a thin line across the front of his changsan without actually hitting his skin.
"Suo-san, are you okay?!" Nirei panicked.
"Uhm, yeah, no injuries." Suo replied lightly, patting the front of his chest, before realizing something was missing from his torn pocket. The boy reflexively looked down to search, and Nirei followed his gaze, then froze when he saw what Suo was looking for.
A small transparent plastic bag, containing three small white pills, with no brand name or instructions for use.
"Suo-san, is that...?"
"These people are dealers!" Sakura shouted from a few meters ahead. He and Sugishita were checking the belongings of their fallen enemies and confiscating various drugs: unmarked pills, white powders, syringes, many things that Umemiya had ordered them to take and collect, but no needed to be tried out.
When he turned to Suo and Nirei, Sakura's attention was drawn to the transparent bag in Suo's fingers. "Did you find it too?"
"No, this is..."
Suo wore a complicated expression, and Nirei couldn't put on a straight face as if nothing was wrong. “Suo-san, is that yours?” He confirmed hesitantly, creating an awkward silence that made Sakura suddenly approach, while Sugishita moved to another location based on the information he received while checking the group chat.
"Suo, tell me, what are these tablets?"
Suo turned his face away, laughing dryly as he tried a shallow lie. "What, vitamins?"
"Be serious for once!" Sakura took the plastic bag containing the drugs in frustration, and Suo couldn't blame him. They had been dealing with illegal drugs for several weeks, so Suo could understand Sakura's reaction.
"Suo, did you get these from those people?"
Nirei gasped. "Sakura-san!" he exclaimed spontaneously.
Suo's smile completely faded. "Do you distrust me that much, Sakura-kun?"
"I want to trust you!" Sakura tightened his grip on the confiscated medicine bags. "I always want to believe, I never like feeling uncertain about whether you're still on my side. But you never make it easy."
And Suo couldn't deny it.
Because how could he admit that the accident that took his right eye also left damage to his heart? Where winter always increased his symptoms and required him to make more frequent trips to the hospital outside the city.
How could Suo talk about the fatigue that forced him to take leave from patrol? About how the cold air on the streets made it difficult for him to breathe and his chest pounded hard. About the nights he spent dizzy and in pain. About the medications he had to take regularly if he didn't want his heart to race uncontrollably.
He never wanted to show his weakness in front of others, especially not to Sakura and Nirei. He wanted to always be strong, always reliable, always seem safe. However, this situation forced him to be honest, or they would have the wrong idea about him.
And for Suo, being honest was never easy.
"Suo-san...." This time, Nirei grabbed Suo's hand, holding it tightly with a pleading look. "Please, can you explain where you got those medications?"
He couldn't.
So, Suo slowly pulled away from Nirei's grip, forcing a bitter smile at the two of them. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can talk about that right now." With that conclusion, he ended the conversation and turned away, putting his hands behind his back and walking further into the darkness of the alley.
Suo could feel Sakura and Nirei's gazes still fixed on him, but he just kept walking. Hoping that the two of them would run out of options and give up. It seemed that way, because the two of them just stood silently for a moment without chasing after him, and Suo was secretly relieved when he heard their footsteps receding, probably continuing their patrol on a different route.
Except... since when had his heart been beating so fast?
Suo clutched his chest in the darkness, in the dimness of the alleyway that was not touched by the evening sun. His heartbeat was irregular, jumping, too fast, then disappearing for a few moments. His head felt dizzy, his breathing was labored, his face was wet with cold sweat, and Suo hissed in panic as his knees buckled. There was no one in the alley when his body fell to the ground.
"All this time, have I... have we been a burden to you?"
Suo grimaced, writhing weakly as his heart felt like it was being squeezed. His trembling hands reached into his pocket, automatically searching for the medicine that he then remembered had been transferred to someone else.
"I always wanted to believe, I never liked feeling uncertain about whether you were still on my side. But you never made it easy."
Ah, was this punishment for being difficult? Suo sighed in despair, his heartbeat sounding like a roar in his ears, his vision growing dimmer. He faintly heard footsteps, but Suo didn't even know if they were real or just a hallucination.
"Hh... ah—"
He took his last breath with a choke, failing to feel relief, failing to free himself from the tightness. Then, everything became fainter, dimmer, and finally only dark.
Sakura and Nirei walked without saying anything at first, busy with their own thoughts, which were probably focused on the same thing.
"Sakura-san, do you really believe Suo-san was taking illegal drugs?" Nirei asked softly.
"No way," Sakura replied as if it were a certainty. "But what is this really? Why does he insist on not telling us anything?"
"Do you think we need to consult with our seniors?"
Hiragi, or perhaps Umemiya, the third-year students would surely know better what to do in such a confusing situation, Nirei thought.
However, Sakura seemed to have another idea, as he turned into a drugstore on the side of the road and started talking to the pharmacist while showing him the tablets he had taken from Suo. "Excuse me, can you check what kind of medicine this is?"
The young pharmacist carefully examined the tablets Sakura had handed him, matching them with the information in his head before confirming them with the list of medications stored on the computer. He delivered his conclusion, a series of sentences that were enough to make the two teenagers in front of him instantly pale.
"I think this is heart control medication. Something taken to relieve symptoms when someone experiences an arrhythmia attack."
Without even saying thank you, Sakura and Nirei turned back toward the alley they had left earlier and ran. Suo should have already left, Suo should have been far away and even arrived at his own residence by now. Both Sakura and Nirei would have been more at ease if that were the case, but a kind of bad feeling made their hearts race with worry and fear.
... Suo shouldn't have been lying on the ground, his hands still clutching his chest without strength, his eyes closed as his forehead wrinkled in pain.
"Suo!"
"Suo-san!"
Sakura scooped Suo off the ground, feeling that body go completely limp as he lifted him. "Suo, hey, wake up, don't joke around! Suo!" At first, Sakura whispered anxiously, but his voice quickly hardened into a panicked cry. He heard a weak and irregular thumping in Suo's chest, feeling a faint pulse in his neck. His friend was pale, cold, with slightly parted lips and blue fingertips.
Nirei had already called an ambulance, contacted their seniors, teachers, everyone he could call for help. Like Sakura, he also called Suo's name repeatedly, his voice quickly turning into sobs when there was no response, no answer.
Because Suo did not respond at all, did not wake up. Because their friend was completely unconscious.
When the medics arrived five minutes later with their sirens blaring, both Sakura and Nirei insisted on coming along, and they were not stopped.
An oxygen mask was immediately placed over Suo's face, his changsan's buttons were undone, while the officers attached electrodes to his chest to check his heart rhythm and other vital signs.
Sakura clenched his fists tightly, overcome with regret, sadness, fear, and anger directed at himself. He should have known earlier, from the moment he touched Suo's shoulder in class that morning and felt how much more prominent his bones were than they should have been. How much weight had the boy lost and no one noticed because of the layers of clothing he wore?
"Do you distrust me that much, Sakura-kun?"
How deeply had he hurt Suo with his question? With his accusatory tone, with his obvious suspicion? Why had he never learned to communicate better, instead of resorting to fighting? Why was Suo always able to read him, but he couldn't do the same?
Nirei bit his lip, holding back his tears. Suo always reminded him to open his eyes, but the sight before him was too painful to look at. The sight of Suo, bare-chested, lying still with various medical devices attached to him. Medical personnel injected him with a drug that Nirei didn't understand, shocking him with an electric jolt that made his partner's body jump momentarily from the stretcher, before his hands fell back down, limp and powerless.
It was painful to see.
However, nothing was more painful than the straight line on the monitor, while the vital sign monitoring devices simultaneously sounded loud alarms.
"I'm sorry, I don't think I can talk about that right now."
When exactly would they have time to talk about it properly?
Sakura Haruka didn't cry at the funeral, and Nirei Akihiko didn't attend.
A week had passed since Suo's departure, and the class representatives still hadn't shown up at school. Kiryu and the others planned to visit their homes if they still didn't show up by the day after tomorrow, but surprisingly, they were in class early the next morning.
They didn't look well at all.
"Sakura-chan, are you listening to me?"
"... Yes, what was that?"
Sakura daydreamed too often, even when someone spoke to him. He had returned to his old self, putting on a gloomy expression more often than smiling. He was still strong, still caring, but at the same time he also tended to reduce his interactions with others.
And of course, no one could blame him for that.
Nirei, on the other hand, seemed to be pushing himself too hard. He approached everyone, asking if there was anything he could do to help. Nirei was usually like that, but this time he clearly didn't look happy when he laughed. The boy smiled, but his gaze was lost somewhere far away.
Tsugeura sometimes followed Nirei out of concern, and found his friend going to the riverbank every afternoon. He practiced, demonstrating martial arts techniques regularly and precisely, while muttering as if Suo was standing behind him, as if his teacher was still watching.
The children in class 1-1 were clearly worried about the two of them, and Sugishita took the initiative to drag Sakura and Nirei to Kotoha. If there was anyone who knew both of them well and was wise enough to say something, it was that girl, or so he thought.
Sakura remained silent when his omurice was served, as same as Nirei stared blankly when his usual sandwich was brought out. However, when Kotoha placed a cup of tea—which Suo always ordered—in the middle, the two Furin students were instantly taken aback.
The bitter and strong aroma of tea, the thin and warm steam floating in the air, something as simple as that was enough to spark their feelings of nostalgia for their friend. The Furin student who never ordered anything but tea, who never touched any food during the lively celebrations.
How they missed Suo Hayato.
And that was something Sakura hadn't anticipated, so his tears flowed down without him being able to swallow them. "I... I killed him," the teenager muttered with a choked voice. "If only I hadn't taken that medicine from him, if only I had listened to him. If I had—"
Sakura had once believed that he had killed his mother, but the people in this town said he hadn't. However, this time Sakura didn't feel the need to be defended anymore. Because he, in essence, had caused Suo's death. Because he, as his father had said, was a murderer.
"You didn't do it on purpose, Sakura." Kotoha protested, rubbing his customer's shoulder in a comforting manner. "You just... didn't know. No one knew."
Nirei shook his head slowly. "I should have known," he said softly. "I was almost always by Suo-san's side, but I didn't even notice his suffering at all..."
Nirei choked up. He always thought his tears had dried up, so why did expressing his thoughts make his eyes water again?
"Suo-san always helped me, but I... I never thought that he also needed help... that he was in pain more often than not without ever showing it..."
Didn't Suo tell him to open his eyes? What exactly had Nirei seen so far? Had he ever really observed Suo? Looked at him closely and not just glanced at him? He never did, and there was no chance to start now.
"I don't think Suo... would blame you guys," Kotoha finally said. "And he's not the type to force you to be okay after all this either."
Suo was always like that, wasn't he? Pulling and pushing people as needed, motivating without dictating the pace, advising others while neglecting himself.
And Kotoha knew it wouldn't be easy to recover from losing someone like that.
So, while outside the wind blew fiercely and carried snowflakes, let Sakura and Nirei pour out their grief over a cup of tea that was growing cold and icy.
It’s okay if the storm subsides, and the two of them still can’t wipe away their tears.
It’s okay if the season changes to spring, and everything about Suo remains eternal in their minds.