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She always told me it was ok to run.
But somehow I feel like I can’t move.
Feet nailed to the ground, cold caressing every inch of my body until it’s hidden beneath an icy sheet, my face blurred beneath the smallest cracks—cracks only they’ve seen.
They make me feel warm.
“Mafuyu.”
“Yes, mother?”
“Do you know what I found on your computer?”
Her fingers felt almost numb—her body tense beneath her casual and curious mask, that perfect smile that wasn’t truly real.
She could almost feel the coldness of her mother’s boring gaze seep into her. Despite her smile, she could see the anger hidden beneath—muddled with this twisted sense of concern.
“No.”
She found them. The music.
“Really? Are you sure? No secrets?”
Why can’t I move?
Mafuyu didn’t respond for a few seconds too long; despite her usually numb feeling towards everything, she could feel anxiety claw up her chest—it felt tight, her heart was pounding. Having such intense emotion was overwhelming, and made her feel almost like she was drowning.
But it was hidden beneath ‘Mafuyu, the perfect daughter’.
Her hesitation would cost her everything.
She opened her mouth to say ‘no’ with an innocent face, but her mother’s eyes narrowed knowingly.
“Don’t try to lie to me, Mafuyu. I can see these girls and that music that I found are having an impact on you.”
Her mother shook her head, that faux-concern spreading across her face and nearly making Mafuyu sick. It never failed to make her feel guilty—she could never find a way to stand against her mother when she seemed so hurt.
“It’s worse than I thought.”
Her mother sighed deeply, rubbing her eyes before moving to place her hands on Mafuyu’s shoulders—the touch was deceptively gentle.
“I’m worried about you, Mafuyu.”
Mafuyu felt an urge locked deep in her heart to flinch away—her mother’s hands felt like ice being pressed against the fabric of her sweater. She could feel it even beneath the layers, spreading like a poison from her mother’s fingers that always strung her up like a doll.
“You’ll get rid of them, no? I don’t want these things to get in the way of your dream, Mafuyu. Your career.”
Get rid of them?
“Do you understand? No more games.”
Her mother’s words had a sharp edge that prevented any defiance, despite how softly they were spoken. She sounded as though she were soothing a wounded child rather than crushing the few dreams her daughter had—what little of her was left, at least.
“Mother, I-“
“Ah-ah. They’re not good for you, Mafuyu. You need to focus—not make silly songs with those disruptive girls.”
“You trust me, don’t you?”
I don’t want to lose them.
“Yes, b-but I could do extra tutoring instead of music, to keep my grades up.”
She said it knowing she’d stay up late to create music anyway.
I’m already tired.
But this matters more.
Mafuyu’s stutter and the most subtle spark in her eye didn’t pass over her mother, and she gritted her teeth. Her hands subconsciously tightened on Mafuyu’s shoulders, frustrated that her daughter didn’t simply agree—that those girls actually meant something to her.
Mafuyu felt her breathing tighten further, the feeling a barely perceptible sting from her mother’s grip. The silence hung between them as her mother let out a frustrated sigh through her nose; Her tone got colder, close to accusatory.
“They’re just distractions Mafuyu, why do you want to keep them? They’re just holding you back.”
“You’re usually more mature than this.”
Mafuyu could feel her mother’s glare, and the bitterness in her words, feeling as though her mother was almost scrutinizing her—for being ‘imperfect’.
I don’t want to let go.
My chest hurts.
The stress was getting to her head, but she didn’t want to back down. Even while locked in place, unable to flee, a long-forgotten part of her willed to struggle and fight for the sake of keeping music in her life, keeping her friends.
“Mafuyu.”
“Please, mother?”
Her mother’s face leveled out, as though a mask had been placed over it, and she stood to her full height. Even though that hint of distaste was still visible—she nodded.
“You’ll have to work hard. No more excuses. But I won’t force you to let go of those girls…yet.”
A wave of relief washed over Mafuyu internally, an emotion so intense it could’ve sent her to her knees if she wasn’t running on the adrenaline of keeping appearances up in front of her mother.
It felt like she could breathe again.
“Thank you, m-“
“And Mafuyu?”
Her tone was sharper as she smiled down at Mafuyu thinly.
“Yes?”
Everything feels tight again.
“This was very unlike you. You know I only do these things because I love you.”
She rolled her eyes.
“I suppose it’s only natural for a teenager to rebel eventually.”
Then she walked away.
After a few moments of uninterrupted silence, Mafuyu’s body unlocked. She felt like she could move again, but spent the first few seconds simply staring at her hands as though they didn’t belong to her.
I still feel cold.
An impulsive thought crossed her mind, and she turned to look at the unlocked door. A tentative hand clasped the doorknob, and it was only now she registered the rain outside, pouring down.
A thought wormed its way into her head—something selfish, something foreign.
I want to be warm.
After a moment, she breathed in, her hands imperceptibly shaking as she began to turn to the knob.
They should be there, I didn’t show up today.
There’s still time…right?
But, I can’t.
As she considered pulling away, Mizuki’s words echoed in her mind like a loud bell.
“It’s okay to run, Mafuyu.”
She pulled the door open, rain reaching her ears, and even as she heard the distant call of her mother upstairs, she ran.
Her legs carried her automatically, sprinting through the torrential downpour with more energy than she’d had in weeks. The moment her mother’s voice faded, she finally breathed in fully.
And with that breath, she kept running.
No matter how many concerned bystanders looked at her, or tried to get her to stop, no matter how strongly that voice in the back of her head told her to go back, she didn’t.
I hope they’re there.
And when she reached the diner, pulling open the door and dripping with rain that soaked the carpet beneath her feet, she caught the concerned eyes of her three friends.
Mizuki’s were more knowing, but regardless they all approached her the same.
All of their questions and words of concern were almost dizzying, their voices blending together and mixing with the sudden sense of exhaustion that had flooded her like the rain had flooded her clothes, soaking her both physically and mentally to the bone.
But the moment she heard them, one thought enveloped her mind.
Warm.
She felt one of them pull her close, likely Kanade, and, despite the fact that she was never one for hugs, she grasped the back of their sweater in a tight grip, going limp in their arms like a puppet cut from its strings.
It’s so warm.
Mafuyu could just barely sense the prick of a tear at the corner of her eye, and she let herself feel it. She soaked up the warmth, the care was surrounding her.
And closed her eyes.
Kanade was the first to ask.
“Mafuyu? What happened?”
Mizuki cut in with a knowing sigh, but there was a hint of both pride and relief in it.
“She ran, Kanade. There’s no other explanation.”
Ena looked shocked as she too cut in, immediately shutting down the idea.
“What? Mizuki, you can’t be-“
Kanade sighed, shaking her head. She was already swamped in concern.
“No, Ena, Mizuki’s right. But what can we do?”
Mizuki shrugged, giving the most honest and blunt answer she could.
“Not much right now. But, we can be there for her until she wakes up.”
Ena flashed a concerned look at Mafuyu, titling her head to get a look at Mafuyu’s sleeping expression. There were dark bags under her eyes, exhaustion and stress etched into her face—but Ena thought she looked oddly peaceful as well, breathing softly.
“She’s out cold. That was fast. Is she really-“
Mizuki nodded, a frown plaguing her face while she furrowed her brows.
“Probably just exhausted.”
Kanade nodded in agreement, looking down at Mafuyu’s soaked form with a concerned expression.
“Yeah…exhausted.”
Kanade found herself looking down at Mafuyu, who she was still holding. She felt limp with exhaustion, and the weight of Mafuyu exhausted Kanade herself. After a moment they sat Mafuyu in their usual booth, right beside Kanade and Mizuki, Ena beside Mizuki. They ordered her something while they waited for her to get up.
“She should probably go back with you, Kanade.”
Kanade looked surprised, her eyes widened briefly, making her face look uncharacteristically lively.
“I…I didn’t think about that part.”
She looked down at Mafuyu, who was still asleep. She knew Mafuyu was the most comfortable with her, and she knew what she promised herself—she promised herself that she’d save Mafuyu.
Her mind briefly wandered back to the confrontation she’d had with Mafuyu’s mother, and the anger she held towards that woman for the way she treated Mafuyu—like a trophy instead of a daughter.
Ena had to snap her fingers to get Kanade back into the conversation.
“If Mafuyu agrees, yes, she’ll stay with me.”
She paused, her face darkening slightly.
“It’d be nice to have company in the house again, anyways.”
The quiet admission didn’t go unnoticed by the two girls, but they didn’t mention it. Both knew that Kanade had Honami, but that it wasn’t the same as someone who lived with her.
That, and they both knew how much Kanade cared for Mafuyu.
As the three continued to discuss what would happen, eventually Mafuyu awoke. She slowly looked around and noticed her three friends, as well as the small treat and drink in front of her.
She grasped it softly, and took a bite.
They waited for me.
She mumbled a small “Thank you” while her mind still reeled from her choices, and the thought that she’d eventually have to go back and face the consequences crossed her mind—it nearly made her shiver. But that’s when she caught Kanade’s more hesitant gaze.
“Mafuyu?”
“Hm?”
Ena and Mizuki watched the exchange with slight tension, fearing a negative response. Mizuki especially feared Mafuyu wouldn’t be able to overcome her fears and that twisted sense of obligation she seemed to hold for her mother.
“Would you…want to stay with me? Just for a while.”
Mafuyu paused, looking almost frozen in place. She stared almost through Kanade.
Stay somewhere else?
With her?
Then she nodded, not saying much on it, but her eyes betrayed it meant more than she let on. Mizuki and Ena let out sighs of relief while Kanade looked shocked. After a few moments, though, she smiled. It was small, but soft and kind.
“…I hope you’ll make yourself at home then, Mafuyu. You can stay as long as you like.”
At home.
I’ve never really felt at home.
Not until I met them.
Mafuyu nodded again, then the group shifted the subject once Ena broke the brief silence.
“I hate to distract you, but Mafuyu’s still soaking wet. Shouldn’t you guys probably head back?”
Mafuyu looked down at her clothes, but didn’t feel cold. She shrugged loosely.
Kanade looked back at Mafuyu with a small sigh and nodded. After saying goodbye to each other, Kanade and Mafuyu left. The rain had slowed, but it still dripped a little. They walked side by side.
Kanade could only hope this new arrangement would help Mafuyu.
I think I like this.