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I woke up to a hell of a pain in my stomach. Never in my life have i felt such weird pain in my abdomen to think about a way to avoid waking Kai and telling him something new..
Pregnancy
I've known for about a week now, when i went to the Healer.
“Congrats!”
“What?”
“Oh, you're pregnant!”
“Holy Shi-”
The healer told me in such a happy tone and I just spit out my pure emotions. I cant have children, i barely take care of my nutrition as it is, let alone im still helping Kai with his grief.
Kai
He is still grieving Kitt, he’s gotten so much better though but with being King now, his responsibilities and tasks sometimes seem neverending. We barely see each other on weekdays. Would he even want a child? How would he react? Will he wish to keep-
“Pae, what are you doing awake?” Kai says, groaning.
His soft late night voice startles me away from my anxious thoughts, thank the Plague for him.
“Pae?” He repeats
“Oh im sorry, its just-” pain hits my stomach, i breathe through it- “ im just not sleepy”
I say, when in reality I'm so tired, I never imagined pregnancy to be so exhausting, ive never even imagined being pregnant, let alone with our child.
“Ok.. want me to grab your book?”
“N-no no thanks, im ok”
“Are you sure?”
“Yep” I say, raising my thumb up while breathing through my teeth to ignore the pain.
Kai watches me for a moment, I try to ignore his eyes but I eventually give in when he says my name.
“Paedyn Azer… are you okay?”
I startle at my name being said with his surname too, he says it so slowly as if I had my dagger up his throat like I always had.
I look into his deep gray eyes and handsome face, and he is too hypnotizing to now look away.
Amazing how a human can take away pain in an instant with just one look, or maybe that's just his look.
“Yes, yes im okay” I respond
I realize that it's my 8th time lying to him this week, I'm on a roll, as they say.
He opens the blanket,welcoming me into his arms, god I love those arms. I rest with my back facing his chest, comfort fills the room with warmth while we breathe in a rhythm alike.
______________________________________________________________
I awake with his warmth now gone, and Ellie looking at me wide-eyed.
“Its about time you’ve woken up, my queen” Says Ellie while taking off the sheets burying me.
“What time is it?” I say groggily
“It is currently… Are you-” she looks down at me, while i still rest with my back to my bed, not realizing my position, with my hand holding my abdomen- “Oh.My. Plagues."
I sit up to comfort my posture, not removing my hand and not noticing
“Ellie you are scaring me”
“My queen I-” i raise my hand to stop her from continuing
“Ellie you have known me for some time now, you know you can call me Pae”
“Oh yes, i apologize.. Pae”
I nod, gesturing to her to continue, while putting my hand on my abdomen again, how on earth did I not notice?
“Pae. I apologize if my theory is wrong, but” she pauses before continuing “are you pregnant?”.
My eyes widen at the sudden realization of my positon
Shit
I start to cry. Why am I crying? I never cry, Paedyn doesn't cry.
Ellie drops the blanket to hug me and murmur soft comforting words. I sob like a little girl once her parents have taken away her toy. Funny how fast I went from confused to crying.
“I'm sorry, I don't even know why I'm crying, I'm just so-”sniffle” so scared” I manage to say through the tears.
“You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about Paedyn, how are you feeling?”
I wipe my tears with the blanket to start talking.
“If I'm honest… I'm scared, worried and tired”
Ellie chuckles before speaking
“Basic maternity feelings love.” She looks at me for a few seconds until her face changes into worry-filled curiosity.
“How long have you known? Are you eating healthy? How far along are you? Does the king know?”
She says as fast as she can and all I hear is does the king know?
Sniff “no, he doesn't know”
Ellie parts away from our hug and sits beside me on the bed.
“When do you plan on telling him?” she asks
“I-i don't know?”
Ellie nods, I'm surprised by how understanding she’s been and how full of kindness she's treating me.
“Since when?”
I pause at her question and focus my gaze on the wall behind her while thinking. It’s been a week since I was told by the doctor and he said I'm already a week in so I opened my mouth to answer two weeks long but my memory flashes back to the night where it happened, where we happened.
“Paedyn?”
Oh shit
“Im sorry um, two weeks long” I say while looking back to her and meeting her eyes.
“Right…” Ellie nods before continuing to speak. “Paedyn, i know its difficult but it will all be okay. And as for telling the King, he has a day full of meetings, so i suggest you to tell him tonight”
My eyes grow wide again at the realization.
“I cant, Ellie, i cant” i respond as fast as i could. “He- i dont- how could even I-” my mouth is suddenly shut with Ellies hand stopping it from speaking more.
“Paedyn i assure you, it will all be okay”
I breathe with the re-assurance setting in. Maybe I should tell him, we’ve been married for 2 years and in love for 1. After all, he is not his father. Or Kitts father.
“Ok then” i breathe before continuing “I will tell him tonight”
_____________________________________________________________________
It’s been hours since I last spoke with Ellie about my future role.
Mother
I chuckle at the thought of the title. Adena would be so excited right now, she’d be sewing baby clothes for both genders just in case it isn't what is expected. What would we even call it? It would have to be something meaningful-
Boots enter my room.
“Hello there darling!” Says Kai while wrapping his arms around me from behind.
I jump at his voice and touch, for the first time in a long time… worry is what i feel when he touches me. I'm silent, thinking of what to say, how to begin this important conversation.
“Hey, you alright?” Says Kai softly to my ear, his breath touching my cheek makes me shudder.
“Yes, yes im fine” i part from his hug and turn to look at him.
“We, um… I have something to tell- speak to you about.” I nervously say
His eyes analyze my face's emotion, for a moment it is so silent, all i see are his eyes scanning my face to detect any of my needs.
“What are you not telling me Paedyn?” He says softly to me.
“Sit down, please” I gesture to the bench in front of our bed while moving to stand in front of him while he sits.
He sits awkwardly while looking up at me, as if he were begging for my love all over again.
“So, do you remember the night of your birthday ball, where we danced and laughed and, um. We were so, so reckless”
He nods, maintaining his eyes focused at me not speaking just listening.
“Well, you know how they say actions have consequences or whatever the hell”
He nods while i continue
“plagues , ok um, Kai i love you… So so very much, maybe even too much, in a way that scares even me, you take care of me, treat me like gold and just love me. I love everything about you, about us”-breathe-” I- im”
He maintains his eyes quite, his brows furrowed with soft confusion while he quietly thinks.
“Im pregnant” I confess murmuring, loud enough for only us two to hear it.
“Were having a baby” i murmur
His eyes widen at the realization, first confusion, then focus and finally happiness fills his eyes.
He stands up in front of me, cupping my face in his two hands, looking at me in awe and perhaps admiration.
“This. is. The”- pause to breathe and let a tear roll down his cheeks- “best thing. Ever”
He hugs me strongly as if he were to catch my broken pieces from falling apart, after a few minutes my sobs start coming back. I cry at his happines, fuck why do i keep crying!
“Wait, darling why are you crying” He part from the hug still holding me
“Im so scared, kai” i manage to say through the tears that keep coming
“No, no paedyn you have nothing to be scared of” he states strongly, its comforting his tone, acknowledging his presence
“Im not going anywhere” he says cupping my face
“Really?” i sob
He kisses me
He tastes like the honey-sweet future awaiting us, i dont part from him, i wont. Not when I realised that this man is the prince charming I've always dreamed of as a little girl when my father read me the stories I always believed would never come true.
“I love you, i love. Us” Says kai while continuing to peck kisses all over my face making me giggle at his touch that now comforts me like it always has.
I part from his touch while giggling until i realize something.
“Kai, we need a room for them, name, supplies, healers-”I say fast but stop when his mouth meets mine again. I kiss him back.
“Let me handle it. Please” he says smiling
I nod and give him a kiss at his smug smiling face.
The rest of the night he holds me tightly or us tightly. I think about why it was I was so nervous for this, for us. I get more sleepy with his arms now wrapped around my body, and his voice murmuring about the things we need to add to the castle, and names we can choose for it.
“Aden, Adena? Anne, Michael, imagine a tiny Lenny running around the castle… Kit would be cool”
I adjust my position to rest my arm and sit up to look at him “Yes, i-i want Kit”
Silence
“Ok” Kai nods as I go back to my sleeping position and he wraps his arms around me again.
“Good night darling” he kisses my cheek
“Good night azer” i respond murmuring
We fall asleep holding each other and dreaming about Kit and the future awaiting us.