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Lucifer rolled out of bed to find his sadistic husband casually torturing souls in the middle of the night.
The palace was quiet in the way only Hell could be quiet, heavy, humming, waiting for something awful to happen. Lucifer had woken to absence first. A cold stretch of mattress. Sheets undisturbed on the other side. That dumb bellhop was gone.. again..
He knew what that meant and sighed in defeat.
Alastor was entertaining himself and hell for that matter with another one of his late-night broadcasts.
Lucifer dragged a hand down his face, tied his pink silk robe tighter at the waist, and followed the unmistakable echo of amplified screaming down the corridor.
The west gallery doors were open where Alastor's new studio was located. Al and Lu moved out of the hotel because it was already full of new guests and Alastor was only there for Lucifer, not the hotel.
Inside, the scene was exactly as ridiculous as he expected.
Antique radios towered along the walls in a chaotic cathedral of brass and wood. Wires hung like garlands. The air smelled faintly metallic and sharp, layered with the bright tang of fresh blood. At the center of it all stood Alastor, sleeves rolled just slightly, coat immaculate except for the generous splatter across his chest and gloves. Suspended in midair before him was a new overlord who clearly regretted every life choice that had led to this moment.
Alastor was adjusting a dial with surgical care, grin luminous, eyes alight with manic delight.
“—and what have we learned about challenging established authority without adequate preparation?” he crooned into the microphone and creepy old voices came from somewhere in the background, taking the role of an audience.
The overlord screamed, begged on the floor. Lucifer stood in the doorway for a long, silent second.
Then he snapped
“Are you kidding me?”
Alastor’s ears twitched.
He turned slowly, still smiling, as if he had merely been caught rearranging furniture instead of broadcasting torture at three in the morning.
“Ah,” he said warmly. “You’re awake.”
Lucifer strode forward, carefully because there was a pull of blood on the ground. “Yes. I’m awake. I woke up, reached over, and you were gone. Which is concerning enough. But no, apparently you’re in here hosting Midnight execution! I thought we talked about this.”
The overlord let out a particularly high-pitched shriek.
Lucifer didn’t even look at him. “Lower the volume.”
Alastor flicked a finger. The scream dimmed to a miserable whimper.
“You could have waited until morning,” Lucifer continued, voice rising as he closed the distance. “You could have left a note. You could have at least not left me to discover your absence like some abandoned Victorian widow.”
“My dear-”
“No,” Lucifer cut him off, jabbing a finger at his chest. “Do not ‘my dear’ me. Do you have any idea how unsettling it is to wake up ALONE and hear some rando scream!?”
Alastor’s grin shifted, just slightly, though it never disappeared. “I was within palace grounds, besides you love my broadcasts.”
“That is not the point.”
Lucifer gestured vaguely at the suspended, bleeding demon. “This? This could have waited.”
Alastor glanced at his victim thoughtfully. “He attempted to undermine me, i dont take threats like that lightly.”
“Oh please,” Lucifer snapped. “Hell doesn't care about some hot-shot's opinion on the radio demon himself. Not saying to glaze you, hunny, but i think the general population of hell knows you are.. uhh.. the shit! Yeah..!"
“Mon cher, i appreciate the compliment but...”
“Nope! I don't care. WE ARE GOING TO SLEEP TOGETHER.”
Lucifer threw his hands up. “Every night.. forever. You promised me that.You do not get to sneak out of bed in the middle of the night to dismember someone’s ego without at least notifying me.”
Alastor stepped closer, boots leaving faint red impressions on the marble. “You were asleep.”
“And?”
“And I did not wish to disturb your beauty sleep.”
Lucifer stared at him.
“You thought the better option was to let me wake up alone while you’re out here covered in blood like some deranged cuckoo.”
There was a brief pause.
Alastor’s eyes flicked down at himself, then back up, as if only just remembering the blood.
“Well.. i guess that wasnt my wisest decision, but regardless, even if i woke you up.. you wouldn't have let me go, is my assumption correct?” he offered.
Lucifer’s eye twitched.
“You know damn well...”
The overlord tried to speak. Alastor snapped his fingers. Silence.
Lucifer stepped in close enough that their chests nearly brushed. “Get your ass to bed.”
Alastor blinked once.
Then, very smoothly, “Yes, mon cher.”
Lucifer froze for half a second, thrown by the immediate compliance.
“That’s it?” he demanded suspiciously.
“I can argue if you prefer.” Alastor said amused as he played with one of Lucifer's curls.
“Don’t tempt me.”
Alastor’s grin widened again and then, without warning, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Lucifer.
Lucifer did not have time to react before he was pulled flush against a blood-soaked coat.
There was a beat of stunned silence.
Lucifer looked down slowly. At the spreading red stain across his pink silk robe.
The silence turned dangerous.
“…Alastor.”
Alastor squeezed him tighter.
Lucifer shoved at his shoulders. “You little shit!”
The robe was ruined. Completely ruined. Pink silk now streaked in dark, wet smears across the front.
Lucifer smacked him squarely on the chest.
“You got blood on it!”
Another hit.
“This was my favourite robe!”
Lucifer squirmed trying to escape but not really trying..
“Do you know how hard it is to get this high quality robe in Hell?! It was custom made from the Lust ring!”
Alastor, infuriatingly, only hugged him tighter, laughing softly into his hair as Lucifer beat at his chest with increasingly dramatic indignation.
“Stop it! I'm going to kill you..! You..”
Smack.
“Put me down before i divorce your ass.”
Alastor leaned down and pressed an exaggerated, theatrical kiss to Lucifer’s cheek.
A loud one.. very deliberate. Then Alastor licked his cheek like some animal.
Lucifer froze mid-swing.
Alastor kept holding him, chin resting briefly against his hair, entirely unbothered by the assault.
“You smell delightful,” Alastor murmured.
Lucifer sputtered. “Duh, of course..BUT that is not the point!”
He shoved again, but the force lacked real intent now.
“You ruined my robe!”
“I guess i should take it off.." Alastor whispered in Lu's ear.
“You are such a jerk.. look at me, i look-”
Alastor leaned back just enough to inspect the damage. “You look radiant.”
Lucifer glared up at him. “You are sleeping on the couch. No, you know what? You are sleeping on the floor.”
Alastor tilted his head. “In our room?”
“Yes..” Lucifer said reluctantly.
Alastor’s arms loosened slightly but did not release him completely. There was still a firm hold at his waist, possessive without aggression.
“You were worried,” Alastor said lightly.
“I was annoyed,” Lucifer corrected immediately.
“Of course.” Alastor kissed Lucifer's head.
Lucifer shoved him one last time, though this time it was more to create space than to strike. “Finish your little revenge symphony and get back to bed.”
Alastor glanced toward the suspended overlord, who had been silently witnessing this entire exchange in mounting confusion.
“Yes, I suppose the audience has lost focus.”
With a flick of his fingers, the magic threads snapped. The overlord dropped to the floor in a heap. And Alastor took their soul..
“Out of my sight.. pet,” Alastor said pleasantly.
The demon vanished in a burst of red light. The radios dissolved into static one by one, the hum fading until the gallery returned to dim, blood-scented quiet.
Lucifer looked down at his robe again and sighed in long-suffering exasperation.
“You are so paying for this..”
“I am certain that I can afford it”
Lucifer shot him a warning look.
Alastor lifted both hands in mock surrender. “I shall have it replaced.”
“It better be identical.”
“Well will see” Alastor teased, the guy couldn't shut his mouth even if his life depended on it.
Lucifer turned sharply toward the door. “Bed. Now.”
Alastor fell into step behind him immediately.
“Yes, mon ange.”
They walked through the quiet corridors together, Lucifer stiff with irritation, Alastor disturbingly cheerful and still streaked in drying blood. Servants wisely vanished at the sight of them.
When they reached the bedroom, Lucifer marched straight inside and yanked open the wardrobe.
“I have to change,” he muttered darkly.
Alastor leaned against the doorframe, watching with visible amusement as Lucifer stripped off the ruined robe and tossed it aside with theatrical disgust.
“It was a good color on you,” Alastor commented.
Lucifer shot him a look sharp enough to cut glass. “One more word and I’m calling.. uh that cannibal woman.. uh Rosa.. Ro.. Rosie! Want me to give her a call? I'm sure she'd be happy to deal with you”
Alastor raised his hands again. “Hah.. let's not go that far, darling.”
Lucifer pulled on a fresh robe, this one white, not as nice and slid into bed without ceremony.
He glared at Alastor.
“Well?”
Alastor removed his coat, finally peeling off the blood-streaked gloves and setting them neatly aside before joining him. The mattress dipped.
Lucifer immediately turned and grabbed a fistful of Alastor’s shirt, pulling him down.
“You will behave from now on,” he said firmly.
Alastor studied him for a moment. “But of course..”
Lucifer narrowed his eyes and sighed. Satisfied, he released the fabric and shifted closer, setting his head on Al's chest.