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“Do you have everything?”
“Yes, Gunnar.”
“Clothes?”
“Yep.”
“Toothbrushes? Toys? Blankets? Movies?”
“Check, check, check, and check.”
“You know the number to call if something happens.”
“Yes, Gunnar.”
“It’s only gonna be for the weekend.”
“We know.”
“We can come home whenever, if you need us.”
Cesar rolled his eyes, “Your kids are gonna to be fine, Gunnar. Candy, ice cream, no bed time. We’re gonna be their favorite uncles.”
“That’s not funny.”
“You and Yang go on your little honeymoon thing, Bai and Milo will be fine. They’re already inside playing with Augustus,” Toll put in, “He’s thrilled there are little kids he can slobber all over.”
Gunnar opened his mouth again, but Yin rolled his eyes and grabbed him by the arm to haul him away muttering, “Gunnar, they’ll be fine. Let’s go, we are going to miss our flight. We’ve been reminding them to speak English outside the house, you shouldn’t have any problems.” He tossed over his shoulder at Toll and Cesar.
“Alright, monkeys, what do you want to do today?”
“Can we go to the aquarium?” Milo burst up from the floor where he and Bai had been rolling around with Cesar and Toll’s massive Great Dane.
Cesar and Toll glanced at each other. “Sure, what could go wrong?"
As it turns out, a lot can go wrong at an aquarium with two men who are more accustomed to handling guns than small children.
“Where is Bai?”
“In the bathroom.”
“By herself?!”
“What am I supposed to do, Toll? Take her in the women’s bathroom? Yeah, that’ll go over like a fart in church. Big black man strutting into a woman’s bathroom with a little white girl? A+ plan, babe.” Cesar flashed him a sarcastic thumbs up.
“Men’s room?”
“No. I am not taking a four year girl old into a restroom with a bunch of dudes. They could have their dicks all out and stuff. And not all men are as innocent as you.” Cesar scoffed as Bai opened the door of the women’s bathroom successfully on her own, albeit with her skirt unbuttoned and toilet paper sticking out of her shoe.
“See? She survived.”
Toll rolled his eyes as he knelt to button her skirt.
“Milo, get down from there!” Toll snatched him away from the edge of the bridge, above the open top of the shark tank as he teetered there dangerously. They narrowly avoided having to tell Gunnar and Yinseg that their son had been a Shark Snack.
“But I wanna see the sharks!” Milo pouted.
“So let’s go through the tunnel. They’ll be right above us.” Cesar said trying to placate Milo, as Bai hung off his arm like a sloth.
“But I wanna be above them!” Milo protested, his eyes brimming with tears.
Toll sighed, sensing a meltdown, and hefted Milo up, resting his feet on the bridge with Toll’s arm around his little waist.
Bai yanked on Toll’s arm.
“I’m hungry Uncle Toll.”
“Okay, we’ll go to the cafeteria.”
“What do you want Bai?” Cesar asked, looking up at the menu.
“Chicken.”
“It doesn’t look like they have it, kiddo.” Toll replied.
“What do they have then?” Cesar asked.
“Well, they have fish fillets, something called Guppy Nuggets, and…yeah, more fish.”
“What are the nuggetses made of?” Milo asked, “Chicken? I like chicken nuggetses.”
“No…they’re made from fish.”
“They’re made from fishies?!” Bai exclaimed, horrified.
“Like Nemo?!” Milo’s jaw dropped and he stared at the tank of piranhas across from the door.
“No, no! They’re made of – uh.”
Too late, Milo and Bai had both started crying.
“Okay, who wants ice cream?!” Cesar shouted before their wailing could reach peak crescendo.
They both stopped instantly, not a trace of tears on their faces.
“Can I get strawberry?” Milo asked.
“Sure buddy.”
Ice cream, apparently, was also not a good idea. Milo and Bai decided it would be a fun idea to run around the entire aquarium, walloping each other over the heads with the Styrofoam swords Cesar and Toll got them at the gift shop.
“Think it’s time to call in reinforcements?” Toll asked, letting his head loll to the side and rest on Cesar’s massive shoulder.
Cesar sighed, “They’re never going to let us live this one down, you know.”
“Nope.”
Cesar was in the middle of trying to coax Bai out from an exhibit you had to climb on the floor in order to see the glowing fish when ‘reinforcements’ arrived in the form of Barney Ross and Lee Christmas.
“You boys called for backup?” Barney ruffled Milo’s hair as he and Toll played with the Horseshoe Crabs.
Toll snorted and waved in Cesar’s general direction.
“Why exactly is Cesar crawling around on the floor making a complete dick out of himself?” Lee snickered.
“Because my sister won’t come out. She likes the glowy fish.” Milo said solemnly.
Lee crouched next to Cesar, “Have you tried bribing her?”
“With McDonalds, ice cream, movies, and a new puppy,” Cesar said, trying his luck by simply reaching under the exhibit to grab Bai. “I’ve even tried walking away, pretending I’m leaving her. She didn’t give two shits. She’s fascinated by these damn fish.”
Lee ran his hand over the top of his head, considering. “Just how much trouble do you think we’d be in if we just bought her a bunch of fish in a big-ass tank for her room?”
Cesar snickered, “I think we’d be in more trouble if we left her here by herself.”
“Touché,” Lee leaned around Cesar to speak to Bai, “Hey kiddo.”
Bai peeled her nose away from the glass long enough to glance at Lee, “Hi Uncle Christmas.”
“You wanna come out of there?”
“No.” She said to the fishtank.
“What if Uncle Barney, Uncle Toll, Uncle Cesar and I were to take you to the pet store and get you and Milo your own fish tanks with a bunch of fish? You can even put them in your rooms.”
Bai grinned and scrambled out and into Lee’s arms.
At seven pm, after buying two 40 gallon aquariums and approximately seventy thousand fish, a manual for Gunnar and Yang to read on how to take care of such a large amount of fish, a picked lock on their front door, and two hours to haul in and set up Bai and Milo’s new aquariums, Cesar and Toll had finally gotten Bai and Milo situated in the guest bed with Augustus snoring at the foot.
Toll collapsed onto the couch and cuddled up to Cesar with a sigh, “Still want one?”
Cesar cracked one eye at Toll, “Maybe eventually, but for now, I’ll settle for getting married.”
Toll didn’t say anything for a moment as he frowned, his eyebrows knitting together. Without opening his eyes he asked, “Was that your way of proposing to me?”
“Yes it was.”
“Oh. Then yes.”
Cesar laughed low in his chest, and then Toll started laughing which caused Cesar to laugh harder, which caused Toll to laugh harder until they were leaning on each other.
Cesar kissed the side of Toll’s head, just above his ear, “I love you, you goddamn idiot.”
“I love you too, dickhead.”
“Can we have an ear-themed wedding?”
“Fuck you, Julius.”
Cesar snickered.
Monday afternoon, Cesar and Toll get a call from a very confused sounding Gunnar.
“Why are their gigantic fish tanks in my children’s rooms?”