Chapter Text
Jisung has always been good at taking things too far. This is one of those things.
The bed dips under his weight as he crawls into bed. He pulls the covers over his face, momentarily making everything go dark. He likes the dark. It's always quiet, silent. Intimate. He feels the bed dip again as a body wraps around him. He can feel the covers being pulled down, away from his face. He doesn't open his eyes. He doesn't want to see the light. Doesn't want reality to settle in. He likes this. A hand comes up to cup his face. Minho whispers, silent barely noticeable, but Jisung hears it.
“Open your eyes baby.” Jisung doesn't want to. He wants to lie like this. In darkness, with closed eyes. Minho wrapped around him. He can feel Minho's breath against his ear. “Please baby.”
“Dont wanna.” he whispers back. Minho chuckles, body vibrating against Jisung. It makes Jisung smile. He loves when Minho laughs. Especially when he makes Minho laugh. He snuggles closer into Minho's chest. Taking in the warmth seeping in between his bones. He can feel Minho preppering him with kisses. It tickles. It makes him giggle.
He just wants Minho here. In his bed. In his arms. Wrapped around his small frame. Every day. Every second. Forever. Maybe it's wishful thinking. But Jisung is falling in love. He loves Minho. He thinks Minho might love him too. He hopes so. He really does. It would be hard for Jisung if he doesn't. But he's almost sure he does. He acts like he does. He cares for Jisung. Sure they fight, and Minho storms out the door angry. But he always comes back. Then he takes care of Jisung. He cooks food, he washes up. He helps Jisung wash up, something he didn't do himself when Minho was gone, worried that it was the last fight they had. The last time Minho stormed out the door. He always comes back. Minho takes care of him, as if he cares for him. And he does. Minho cares for him. He treats Jisung as something fragile. Something worth keeping. After an argument, when Minho comes back, they lay in bed. In silence. They cuddle, letting everything settle, so they can move on.
Minho’s hand finds Jisung’s and they quietly settle into the bed. Minho uses his other hand to caress Jisung’s face. Jisung's eyelashes flutter at the touch. It's always peaceful, laying in bed with Minho. Just breathing and existing. Sometimes touching, gently, intimately. Jisung loves it. Almost as much as he loves Minho. He really adores the older boy. He wishes he could crawl under Minho’s bones, and settle there. Carve his name into his bones. He wishes Minho would carve his name into Jisung's bones.
“You’re perfect Minho.” He whispers into the dark. Eyes still closed. He can feel Minho still beside him. Surprised. “I lo- I really enjoy having you here.” He manages to stop himself from slipping up.
“You're beautiful, Ji. I really like having you here too.”
“I'm not perfect too?” Jisung jokes, but they can both hear the subtle seriousness under. The insecurity. Minho takes a breath. The silence that stretches on makes something in Jisung break.
“Just tell me I'm perfect.” he laughs, though the laugh sounds dry, even to his own ears. Minho doesn't say anything.
“Just tell me I'm perfect. Please.” he begs, he needs to hear it. He needs to hear Minho say he's perfect. He needs to know Minho loves him too.
“You’re gorgeous Sungie.”
“Why won't you say I'm perfect?” His tone is suddenly accusing. He's mad. He's insecure. Why won't Minho just say it?
It stays silent.
Jisung is close to relapsing. His emotions are overwhelming. It's too much. It makes it harder to breathe. He pushes away from Minho. Crawls over the bed, and to the floor. He sits against the bed. Head in his arms. He tries to make his breathing even out. It doesn't work. It's not even the fact that Minho clearly doesn't think he's perfect. It's the fact that he can't even bother to lie, just to spare Jisung's feelings.
It's such a silly thing to be angry about. But Jisung is done. His anxiety only stretches so far. He is fragile. And Minho is mean.
He can feel the bed dip as Minho sits closer to him. He can feel that Minho is exhausted. Probably with Jisung, and his moods. Again.
“I really like you Sungie.” Jisung’s breath catches in his throat. He knew it. Minho likes him to. Maybe they are finally gonna be together. For real.
“But I can't do this anymore.” it comes out as a breath. What. Jisung doesn't think he heard right. Of course he didn't. Minho didn't speak loud enough for him to hear.
“What?” He needs to be sure. He needs to know that Mino didn't just say what he thought he heard. But of course he heard right.
“I can't do this anymore Jisung. It's too much for me. You're too.. I don't know. Obsessed? No, that's not the word. But you're too much Jisung. It's too much. I need a break.” Minho stands up and walks to the door.
“But.. you just said..” Jisung still can't process what just happened. You just said you liked having me close. What is happening? Minho said he was too much? He thought Minho liked that about him? He always seemed like he did. He engaged in Jisung's behavior, in his child-like personality. And Jisung felt safe with Minho. Safe enough to show that side of himself. Minho thought it was too much. Jisung’s breathing picks up. Going faster, leaving him breathless, and empty.
“Goodbye Jisung. I'm sorry.” Minho. Minho. He tries calling after him, but his voice is caught in his throat. He can't breathe. The room closes in around him, and his vision gets dark. It's too much. He's too much. Minutes pass. Hours that feel like days.
His vision finally clears and his breathing evens out. When he feels balanced enough he crawls into bed. He pulls the covers up, just like he did earlier.
Minho will come back in a day or two. Jisung is sure. He always does. Jisung loves it when they fight. Because Minho always comes back. He likes it when Minho is mean. It makes him feel things. It makes him feel human. All the emotions welling up in the moment of an argument. He doesn't want to get into what that says about him. But maybe it's because it's Minho. He always likes it when it's Minho. Minho could do anything, and Jisung would follow.
He knows Minho will come back.