Archive of Our Own ^beta

Ten minutes spent too long in bed, a hasty charge out of his room and seventeen steps down the corridor was all it took for Sehun to barrel into his first person of the day. At least he hadn’t hit anyone in the face with his dorm room door or doused them with scalding hot coffee this time. Which meant he could probably consider it an improvement. And luckily for him, this morning’s victim turned out to have way better reflexes than his own, half-asleep self. His considerable momentum carrying him forward, even as he tried to stop after detecting the jeans-clad legs and deep green sneakers appearing in his field of vision, Sehun prepared himself for the unavoidable collision, when two hands snapped up and stopped his forward-movement with firm grasps on his biceps.

Like the crackle of static, warmth and tingles spread from where the person in front of him was still holding on to him. It took him several shaky breaths and blinks of his eyes, before Sehun finally managed to raise his head, gaze travelling over black jeans, a v-necked grey sweater and collarbones that had him swallowing down an instinctive hum of approval. Which was fortunate, as he was pretty sure he would have choked on it, the second his gaze reached the face of the person he’d just bumped into.

Oh dear God.

Out of control hair the color of roasted chestnuts, almost luminous skin and eyes so dark, so unyielding, it always seemed to Sehun as if he saw and knew things others could only speculate about.

Lu Han.

“Heads up, Quicksilver.”

The sound of that mesmerizing, smooth voice set off a chain of reactions as immediate as it was familiar. Heat exploding across his nape, shivers down his spine and rising panic locking almost every muscle in his body. Of all the people on this campus he could have bumped into, it had to be Lu-freaking-Han. The one person that made Sehun feel like a mouse trapped beneath a cat’s paw. Which was quite the appropriate analogy, all things considered.

“I…”

His attempt at a comeback fizzling out on a pathetic crack of his voice, Sehun just stood there and stared, furtively praying for the floor to open up and swallow him whole. Or anything else that could possibly get him out of this situation. And that was when his default response to extreme nervousness kicked in and everything got so much worse.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t watch where I was going and I was in a real hurry! I really didn’t see you there and I didn’t mean to bump into you! Sorry!”

Sehun had the very unfortunate habit to babble whenever his nervousness got the best of him and his current state had passed ‘nervous’ a while ago and plunged straight into ‘borderline panic’. Lu Han just tended to have that effect on him, even if he was looking at him with an entirely unbothered face. There was no trace of irritation or annoyance in his gaze, but those dark, calm eyes directed at him unnerved Sehun more than an explosion of temper from anyone else could have achieved.

“You’re lucky. I’ve been feeling generous lately and decided that other people are allowed to use the hallways as well.”

The younger man opened his mouth, just to find himself unable to get out a single word. Logically he knew that he was being teased, that Lu Han was most likely just trying to talk him out of his undoubtedly obvious freak-out. But in reality the fact that Lu Han was talking to him – noticing and acknowledging him – only had more anxiety pooling in his gut.

“I- I-,” wrestling with his words, he watched the older man arch one eyebrow, as he let go of Sehun and the slow drag of slightly calloused skin against his arm finally triggered his buffering flight instinct. “I… have to go.”

Pushing past Lu Han, he flew down the empty corridor like the hounds of hell were on his tail, focused solely on getting away, even as he was worrying about the kind of impression he was making on the older student.

Not that Lu Han’s opinion of him mattered all that much. The university’s campus and student body were relatively small and one eventually ran into everybody at one point or another, but that didn’t mean that Lu Han and Sehun had any relationship to speak of. They had talked a grand total of two times before this morning’s disastrous meeting. The first time Lu Han had shot a quick “sorry” in his direction, after walking past him and jostling his arm in the completely packed student center. The second time had been similarly impressive. Lu Han had held open a door for Sehun and he had thanked him in a shaky voice. The older man’s curt nod had put an end to their riveting interaction.

Socially they were simply on completely different levels.

Because that was what happened when you were awkward, clumsy and paralyzingly shy with strangers. People didn’t exactly line up for the chance of becoming your friend.

Lu Han on the other hand seemed like his complete opposite. There were rumors about Lu Han. So many rumors and stories that one could probably talk for hours and not run out of things to say. Which was only expected. After all, people liked to talk about people that fascinated them, people that had obviously led colorful and interesting lives – but most importantly, people that barely talked about said life. Because nothing was more irresistible than a good mystery.

And Lu Han definitely was a mystery.

Insanely attractive, a good student, frustratingly private and someone who mostly kept to his small, but close circle of friends. Then there was the minor detail of him being a shapeshifter – the whole reason for Sehun’s descents into panic whenever he was in the vicinity of the older man.

From the beginning Sehun had been as hopelessly fascinated as the rest of the student body – a strange mix of emotions bubbling up inside of him whenever he caught sight of the older man. His fascination was only out-weighed by his deep-rooted fear. A fear that had been instilled in him since his childhood.

“Woah there. Where’s the fire?”

It took Sehun a second to realize that he’d just walked past his cousin, who had obviously been waiting for him in front of the entrance to the dining hall.

"Why do you look like you've just seen a ghost?" Jongdae asked in that typical, slightly nasal tone of his, eyebrows pulled up so high, it almost seemed like they were trying to get up close and personal with his hairline.

"I ran into Lu Han. Literally, this time."

"Ah...," dragging out the word, until he had to give up and suck in a breath of air, his cousin gave him a look that was half pity, half exasperation, before he slung one arm over his shoulder and steered him towards the noises of the dining hall. "Let's grab a table."

"What?"

"What, what?" his cousin threw back innocently, making Sehun pull a face at his immature comeback.

"You've been giving me these looks since we sat down and it's getting on my nerves."

"What looks?"

"The 'I want to say something, but I'm afraid Sehun's not going to like it' looks. So just spit it out. You're fidgeting like you need to use the bathroom."

That earned him the dubious pleasure of watching his cousin stick out his tongue at him. But a second later Jongdae's face turned unusually serious and Sehun had a feeling he was going to regret making the older man talk.

"I know you don't talk about what happened to your dad and I also know we never mention the things your mom has been telling you ever since, but shapeshifters really aren't that bad. Especially Lu Han. He's a decent guy."

"I know that. But knowing it and actually feeling it are two completely different things. It's not that easy."

Sehun heard the frustration in his own voice, saw the pity on Jongdae's face deepen and it made him want to crawl beneath the table and stay there. Stay there until he got over this ridiculous fear and stopped making a complete fool of himself, anytime he caught sight of Lu Han or any of the other few shapeshifters on campus.

They're violent and cruel, Sehun. Promise me you'll stay as far away from those shapeshifters as possible. They're dangerous and I can't lose you as well.

He didn't know how often he had heard his mother repeat those words, how often he had listened to them and tried to remember how things had been before. Before his father had gotten drunk at that bar and started that fight with a shapeshifter. Before they had beaten each other bloody and only one of them had gotten back up. Before he’d lost a father and his mother had grown bitter and wary of an entire species. But remembering was hard, when he could barely recall what his father had looked like.

In the past shapeshifters had been looked upon and worshipped as something very close to gods, their inhuman strength, speed and far superior senses setting them apart from mere humans. But somehow that admiration and reverence had turned into fear and fear into hate. Shapeshifters had become something to be hunted down, until only a few of them remained. These days they lived peacefully alongside normal humans. They were represented in the government, held ordinary and not so ordinary jobs and raised their families like everyone else.

But for Sehun they had never been just a normal part of everyday life. Not when his mother had made it her goal to turn people against them once more, ‘to make everyone see their true savage nature', as she always told him. Sehun had never thought of them as vicious or bad, but if you told a child often enough to fear something, it eventually did. Logically Sehun knew his fear of shapeshifters was nothing more than the result of his mother's daily brain washing, but like he had told his cousin, knowing shapeshifters weren’t actually vicious monsters and not feeling fear were sometimes polar opposites.

Staring down at his bowl of now soggy cereal he pushed it away from himself in disgust, his appetite thoroughly spoiled by this morning's events and the unpleasant trip down memory lane.

"I have to go or I'll miss my first class. See you at dinner? I'll be at your place at six."

Jongdae looked like there was so much more he wanted to say, but something about Sehun's shuttered expression must have told him it wasn't the right time. Instead the younger man was let off with a last piercing look that melted into impressive nonchalance just a second later.

"You better be. Mom and dad threatened to make me drag you there if you didn't show your face soon."

"It hasn't even been two weeks since I last visited you guys at home!"

"Please, you know my parents."

He sure as hell did and the thought of his willful aunt and uncle actually managed to pull a small, but genuine smile from him.

"I'll bring flowers for your mom and listen to them rant about not knowing where they went wrong while raising you. They'll forgive me in less than two minutes."

And the look of betrayal on Jongdae's face was enough to banish most of the gloomy thoughts clouding his mind, smile growing wider as he picked his tray off the table and gave his cousin a purposefully cheeky finger wave in good-bye.

"See you later, favorite cousin."

"I'm your only cousin, brat!"

"Be thankful. You'd never make the cut otherwise!"

Breakfast with Jongdae never failed to brighten his mood, Sehun thought, as he headed towards the exit, his cousin's sharp squawk of outrage echoing after him.

Still, the morning's classes seemed to drag on endlessly, some elusive thought lurking in the back of his mind like a persistent itch that kept his focus thoroughly ruined. His notes for that morning’s two classes were all but useless and Sehun was counting on Seulgi to let him copy hers before the midterms. But more than anything he was looking forward to meeting up with Joonmyun for lunch. If there was one thing that could take his mind off things, it was Kim Joonmyun and his angelic smiles.

The older man was already waiting at their usual table by the time Sehun returned to the dining hall, hand raised for a cheerful wave that had the younger man speeding up his steps. He was wearing one of his cheesy sweaters again – that no one except for him seemed to be able to pull off – and it had Sehun grinning from ear to ear as he plopped down in the seat across from Joonmyun.

"I'm starving."

"Did you sleep through breakfast again, Sehunnie?"

Sehun felt the tips of his ears turn hot at the nickname Joonmyun had started calling him recently and he worked hard to keep his face carefully neutral.

"Of course not. But I didn't really feel like eating this morning."

"Are you feeling unwell? You're not sick, are you?"

Chest glowing happily at the flash of worry on the older man's face, Sehun drew in a carefully measured breath and summoned his most reassuring smile.

"No, just some stuff that kind of ruined my mood, but I'm fine now," Sehun mumbled and swallowed the because you're here. He'd had an innocent crush on Joonmyun for months now. He knew the older man didn't feel the same way about him and he had a suspicion that it was one of the reasons why he felt so comfortable whenever he was around the older man. Crushing on Joonmyun was safe, because it was never going to lead anywhere. And Sehun thought he couldn't do much better than having a friend like Joonmyun by his side.

Joonmyun, whose smiles came easy, who always had time for him and took care of Sehun as if he was his own younger brother. Just like he had taken care of him that one day at the end of the last semester.

Jongdae and some of his friends had dragged Sehun and Chanyeol out for some post exam partying and keeping up with them had turned out to be a gigantic mistake. He had nursed the worst hangover in existence the next day, feeling like death warmed over. So he hadn't noticed in time when it suddenly got so much worse, right in the middle of the hallway. He’d broken out in a cold sweat, his heart had started to pound unnaturally fast and for a moment Sehun had actually expected to faint right then and there. An unfamiliar, soft voice had made him look up, worry-filled eyes staring at him, as he’d been carefully lowered to the floor with his back against the wall and an open bottle of orange juice was pushed into his hands.

"Drink this."

Sehun had been too out of it to object, simply praying that he would be able to keep it down, and after a few minutes of rest and several, careful sips of the juice he had slowly started to feel human again. A quick trip to the nurse office had told him that his blood sugar seemed to have dropped quite drastically – a consequence of the heavy drinking he’d done the previous night – and that he would probably feel better soon. He’d been released shortly afterwards, with the warning to come back if it happened again, Joonmyun still hovering beside him like a worried father. Sehun certainly hadn’t minded much, Joonmyun keeping the easy conversation going between them and helping him stay thoroughly distracted. It had been the start of the easiest, most comfortable friendship Sehun had ever had, the two of them having lunch together at least twice a week, since Sehun’s breakfasts were already reserved for Jongdae and their evening class schedules were too different to make regular, shared dinners possible.

Now Joonmyun's worried expression was melting away, replaced by that adorable eye smile and Sehun felt the last remainder of the tension in his shoulders melt away.

"That's good. As long as you're feeling better now. How's that crop cultivation paper coming along? Are you still struggling with it?"

Sehun's pained groan had Joonmyun's laugh ringing out and even though thoughts of the cursed paper had him feeling like throwing his plate across the room – preferably to hit a certain sadistic professor in the head – the happy sound was enough to pull another smile from Sehun.

Kim Joonmyun and his ridiculous sweaters – the cure for all sadness.

Maybe it was because it had only been a few measly hours since his last, humiliating encounter with Lu Han that he didn't expect to run into him so soon again. But as he and Joonmyun were leaving the dining hall, Sehun's unconscious sweep of the tables close to the door had him freezing in the middle of his next step. Joonmyun, obviously not expecting the abrupt halt, barreled straight into his back, but the younger of the two barely noticed.

Just two tables over sat Lu Han with his group of friends, his chin hooked over Kyungsoo's shoulder as he looked at something on the display of the shorter man's phone. The grin on his face could have probably been described as pure trouble. But as usual Sehun had gone into 'play dead' mode as soon as he’d caught sight of the older man – completely still and motionless on the outside, while polar emotions went to war inside of him. That instinctive leap of fear clashing with a peculiar prickle of helpless fascination. He looked so relaxed, so normal sitting there with his friends, joking with Yixing and Song Qian on the other side of the table, while he kept his arm slung over a slightly scowling Kyungsoo's shoulder. There was none of that coiled tension Sehun so often sensed inside of him, his eyes weren't alertly scanning his surroundings and the calm expression on his face was nowhere to be seen. Instead his body was relaxed as he leaned against the shorter man beside him, his eyes were sparkling with mirth and his face was graced by the broadest grin Sehun had ever seen on him.

Something about the unexpected sight had feeling returning to his frozen limbs, his spine unlocking, while the prickle of heat on his nape grew impossibly more intense.

"Sehun, are you alright?"

Joonmyun's voice sounded like he was talking through fog thick enough to touch and Sehun shook his head to rid himself of the unnerving sensation.

"I'm alright."

Surprisingly he was actually telling the truth.

Sehun had no idea what the hell was going on. Over the course of the last several days he’d caught sight of Lu Han so often, he was starting to think fate was playing some twisted joke on him. Getting a cup of tea at the campus coffee shop? Lu Han was standing a few spots ahead of him in the queue. Cutting across campus to reach his next class in time? The older man was playing soccer with a group of other students on the lawn in front of the science building. Handing in that cursed essay ten minutes before the end of the deadline? Lu Han was there was well, leaning against the office help's desk and listening attentively while the woman explained some of the papers spread out on the wooden surface between them.

So no, Sehun definitely didn't know what was going on, but all these run-ins with the older man were hell on his nerves. He expected to find Lu Han there in front of him every time he rounded a corner or stepped into a room and the mix of intense relief and confusing disappointment, whenever there was no sign of him, was starting to drive him just a little bit crazy.

Which was why Sehun decided a long, quiet evening studying in the library was in order. There was just something about being surrounded by books – even if he had no intention of actually reading most of them – that relaxed him. There was no place like the library in the evenings, already dark outside, with students hunched over the books spread out in front of them, typing away at their laptops or browsing the aisles for whatever books they were looking for.

Sehun wasn't the best student, but he did alright – whenever he wasn't sabotaging himself by leaving every damn thing to the last possible minute – so he had never quite understood his fascination with libraries. But he also wasn’t one to quell on things – usually – which was why he just went with it and studied there as much as possible. Mostly because his dorm room wasn’t really an option. A roommate like Chanyeol didn’t exactly make for the most peaceful learning environment.

By the time he’d outlined his next essay for Professor ‘Who’s Name Shall Not Be Named’ and caught up on all the stuff he’d missed due to his spaced-out state during Monday morning’s classes with the help of Seulgi’s detailed notes, he felt considerably more settled again. There was nothing like boring yourself into a state of utter relaxation with the help of tedious school work. It worked every time.

Calling it a complete success, he packed up his books, sent another short thank-you-text to Seulgi and shouldered his bag to head home. Maybe he would call Jongdae and see if he wanted to watch the first few episodes of the baseball anime he’d been telling Sehun about. If not, Chanyeol would definitely be up for a round or two on the Nintendo – the vintage game console that Sehun was willing to protect with his life.

Stepping out into the still balmy night air and trying to decide which of the two options appealed to him more, Sehun didn’t pay a lot of attention to the guy dashing up the stairs of the library until their shoulders collided with a painful thump.

Everything after that was nothing more than a blur of colors, sounds and the air whipping past him. One second he was rowing his arms to keep his precarious balance, the next he was airborne, feet sliding off the stone steps and body pitching sideways with a sound that was more croak than actual scream. His arms shooting out to catch his fall, he realized the instinctive move was a grave mistake as his palms met concrete a second before his entire body followed behind. For one moment he was simply too stunned to realize what was going on, before a burning pain scored his right palm. The next things he was aware of were the screeching of breaks and a shout of surprise. He was too disoriented to truly sense the danger he was in, but his body moved on its own. Curling his body and tucking in his head, making himself as small and compact as possible. He was hurting, dizzy and feeling so out of it, he was incapable of anything but a tiny whimper as a hand landed softly on his shoulder.

"Are you alright?" The barest squeeze of those fingers on his arm, but Sehun didn't think he was able to answer. "Sehun, come on. Talk to me. Are you alright?"

What he wanted to do was to stay like that, curled up in on himself, cradling his burning hand to his chest, and wait until the pain went away. But the voice above him was insistent, the hand on his arm never moving away, but also never tightening its grip or jostling him too much. It was the frantic edge slowly creeping into that clear, smooth voice – a voice that seemed more familiar with every passing second – that finally had him fighting through the haze of pain and disorientation.

"Sehun, can you move?"

"I... yeah. I'm fine."

Sehun wasn't sure if he was lying, but a brutally insistent part of him was urging him to take away some of the sharp worry in that voice.

Lu Han's voice.

The sudden realization had his head snapping around and judging by the absence of a fresh wave of pain, his body probably wasn't off too badly. Lu Han's head was hovering over him, strands of dark hair moving around a face scored with lines of worry and eyes more intense than he had ever seen them before.

"I'm fine."

"Can you sit up? Slowly."

Body reacting on its own, as if he didn't have another choice but to follow that gentle insistence in Lu Han's tone, he tightened his muscles and slowly pulled himself upright, the pressure of the older man's hand between his shoulder blades giving him a steady, careful push until he was finally sitting up.

"Are you hurt?"

He wanted to answer, he really did, but his mind wasn't cooperating. It was as if he couldn't quite focus on one thought at a time.

"Sehun, look at me."

His head was moving again, swiveling around until he found Lu Han in his sight. Instructions were good, they were easy to follow. He didn't have to focus or decide on anything like that. He just needed to do whatever Lu Han was telling him. Easy.

Holding that dark, intent gaze was anything but easy, though. Those sharp, not quite human eyes were holding him captive in a way that made him want to move closer and run into the other direction at the same time. Sehun knew that something about his reaction to Lu Han wasn't quite adding up, but he just didn't have the strength or will power to figure it out at the moment. Instead he just watched as Lu Han slowly lowered his gaze, dark eyes sweeping down the length of his body, until they suddenly focused with a flash of something almost angry. The older man's sharp hiss had Sehun flinching away from the sound and with an almost electric shattering of the quiet, realization barreled down on him.

Lu Han hovering over him.

Lu Han's hands on him.

Lu Han touching and looking at him again.

"Does anything other than your hand hurt?"

It was as if he had forgotten the pain, only for it to come back with vengeance of a scorned lover, the burning so sharp, so sudden, Sehun couldn't quite repress his renewed whimper. The weak sound had Lu Han's gaze snapping back up to him and Sehun's body sprang into action the second their eyes met. Pushing himself up with his mostly unscathed hand, he would have started running the second he got his feet beneath him, if it hadn't been for the grip Lu Han still had on his arm.

"Slowly! You might hurt yourself even more."

The command cut sharply through the quiet night air, the campus almost creepily silent at this time of the night and his body froze once again, muscles coiled tight for escape.

"Breathe." The single word sounded frustrated – the volatile mix of emotions in those dark eyes completely unreadable – before Lu Han’s voice suddenly softened to a crooning whisper. "Just take a deep breath and try to calm down. It's alright, it just seems like you scraped your right hand pretty badly. Everything's going to be okay."

Lu Han just kept on talking, voice pitched low, like he was talking to a scared child, his hand on Sehun's arm slowly loosening its grip, but still refusing to let go completely. And something about that tone eventually seemed to pierce through the haze of fear, Sehun’s heart beat gradually slowing its frantic pace and fresh air finally soothing the dull burn of his tight throat.

"That's the way. You're doing just fine." The calm praise barely registered, but locked muscles lost their rigidity and the sheer overpowering urge to run gave way to a mix of trepidation and embarrassment. "Can you tell me if anything else hurts? Did you hit your head? Your hip? Your knees? You hit the pavement pretty hard."

"My right knee and elbow are hurting, but it's not bad?"

His voice was hoarse, barely more than a croak, and the words coming out of his moth sounded almost like a question, but after another careful sweep of his body, Lu Han gave him a small nod.

"Alright. I'm sorry for almost running you over. One second you were on top of the stairs and the next you were lying on the pavement. You scared the hell out of me."

Running him over?

Head turning carefully to the side he spied the bike lying on the ground next to them and finally the screeching of brakes he had heard, right after his less than gentle collision with the concrete floor, started to make sense.

"It's... alright. It wasn't your fault. I bumped into someone and fell. Thanks for stopping."

That had Lu Han blinking up at him as if he was trying to figure out if he was being sarcastic or not. It almost made Sehun want to smile. As if he’d actually be capable of blabbering anything but the truth in his current state. He was trying to keep his eyes from landing on Lu Han too much, but it was like fighting a losing battle. His gaze was relentlessly drawn to the shorter man and there was apparently nothing he could do about it. He watched Lu Han rifle through the bag still slung across his chest with the hand that wasn’t still holding on to Sehun, before he suddenly produced a dark, blue towel.

“Here, take this. I promise it’s clean. I was going to join a few of my friends to play some basketball, before you decided to take a header off the stairs.” With that he refolded the piece of fabric until he could press the inside against Sehun’s mutedly throbbing hand. “Let's just get you to the hospital."

The words had Sehun snapping back to full attention.

"Ho- hospital? I don't need to go to the hospital!" Maybe his voice sounded just a little bit frantic, but he thought he was entitled to a little bit of panic at the threat of being dragged to the hospital. He hated hospitals.

"Sehun, look at your hand. It’s bleeding and you've got dirt and some grit in that wound. That's not just some tiny scratch. You need to get that cleaned and checked out."

Gone was the soothing tone. Instead Lu Han's voice was infused with a steely determination that had renewed unease crawling up Sehun's spine. So far he’d avoided looking down at his throbbing hand, but it seemed as if his grace period was officially over. He only wished he’d given himself a few more moments of blissful unawareness.

Make that an hour.

The second he lifted the towel high enough to get a good look at the bloody groove at the edge of his palm, he felt himself going just a tiny bit light-headed. And of course the pain got immediately worse, now that he knew how bad his hand actually looked.

Maybe the hospital isn't such a bad idea after all.

It was the loss of pressure and warmth on his arm that made Sehun realize that Lu Han had let go of him. A startled glance to the side revealed him pulling his mountain bike upright, before he immediately returned to his side.

"Can you walk? It's not that far to the hospital, but I'd rather you tell me now if you don't feel up for it. I’m sure I can get Kyungsoo to pick us up in his car."

"I can walk."

Never in his life had Sehun been as relieved to set foot in the entrance hall of a hospital as he was that day. If there was one word to describe the past fifteen minutes, 'nerve-wracking' would have been his first choice. The silence between them had been torturous, only broken when Lu Han had asked him how he was holding up, about halfway to the hospital. The spike of his pulse, every time the older man turned towards him certainly hadn't helped to make the experience any easier on his already frayed nerves.

A few minutes later, with the administrative stuff taken care of, they were seated in the mostly empty waiting area, a sterile pad now pressed to the raw wound, courtesy of the nice nurse that had checked them in.

It was a struggle to keep himself from constantly glancing at Lu Han slouching in the seat next to his. The other man didn’t make any sounds, but even through the fabric of his clothes Sehun could feel his proximity like a static crackling across his skin. The younger man was so hyper-aware of Lu Han right next to him, he felt like he might just burst out of his skin any second now.

"You don't have to wait. Accompanying me here was already more than enough."

Please leave. Please, before I make even more of a fool out of myself. Or before this awkward tension between us kills me. Whatever comes first.

Lu Han either didn’t pick up on his extreme discomfort, or simply didn’t care, as he propped up his elbow on the armrest, the fabric of his sweater brushing against Sehun’s light jacket. The unconscious contact had the younger man fighting the urge to shift away – even as some hidden, reckless part inside of him wondered what it would feel like to have his arm pressed up fully against Lu Han’s. The stray thought – so completely out of place and character – made Sehun wonder if maybe he’d hit his head after all.

“I almost ran you over with my bike. I’m pretty sure this is the least I can do.”

And suddenly that hidden, reckless part didn’t stay quite as hidden anymore.

“That wasn’t even your fault! That’s just my bad luck.” Sehun wasn’t even aware that he was almost shouting the instinctive protest. “Seriously, I’m probably the unluckiest person you’ll ever meet. If it was anyone’s fault then let’s just blame the guy that bumped into me and didn’t bother to stop when I took that header off the stairs. Although I’m pretty sure he didn’t even notice. He looked like he was in a hell of a hurry.”

Brows inching just a little bit higher and lips pursed, Lu Han looked like he was pondering something highly confusing, before his mouth suddenly relaxed into an easy smile.

“Fine, let’s blame the rushing asshole. But I’m still staying.”

As if to make a point of it, he slumped deeper into his seat, seemingly unbothered by the ridiculously uncomfortable seats. The younger man on the other hand was the opposite of relaxed. He actually felt like someone had just slapped him across the face. Stunned, breathless, a little dizzy and a lot breathless.

That smile.

Before he could recover from the shock, his name was called and he shakily staggered to his feet, feeling just a little light-headed. With his luck, they would probably insist on examining him for a head-injury or possible concussion.

He didn't remember much about the cleaning and dressing of his wound, the whole thing over before his dazed mind caught up with the whole situation. He just sat there, hand resting limply on the table, and staring at the top of the doctor’s head, where the man sat, leaning partially over Sehun’s hand and focusing completely on his work.

"You're tough. Most people would have called me at least one unflattering name by now, not to mention screamed their heads off. You winced maybe two or three times."

Sehun didn't think telling the doctor that he’d barely noticed what he’d been doing to him would be a good idea. But the man could have painted his nails a sparkly pink and he wouldn't have put up a fight, his mind still firmly locked on the stunning transformation of Lu Han's face as he’d smiled at him. Until this moment he’d only seen that smile from afar and it was so much more devastating up close. So instead he just thanked the doctor and left with the instructions to keep the wound as dry as possible and to come back in a few days for another check-up.

Lu Han was still where he’d left him, lounging comfortably in his chair, fingers tapping an irregular beat against the armrest, legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. Something about the sight had Sehun swallowing past a nervous flutter in his throat. He didn’t think he’d given away his approach in any way, but Lu Han’s gaze snapped towards him the second Sehun stepped back into the waiting area. For a few seconds those dark eyes rested on the large, adhesive bandage on his hand, before they returned to his face with an almost lazy sweep over his body. The flutter in Sehun’s throat cut off at the same time as his breath.

“All done?”

Sehun wasn’t capable of more than a jerky nod, but Lu Han didn’t seem to expect more from him anymore, rising from his seat in a move that was as fluid as it seemed effortless. A few minutes and a bit more paperwork later they were on their way again and Sehun didn't even bother arguing when the older man insisted on accompanying him home. It wasn't as if Lu Han had listened to any of his objections so far. The guy was stubborn as a mule.

Maybe his animal side is actually a mule. The thought of a mule shapeshifter was oddly amusing, but before he had time for more than a fleeting twitch of his lips, Lu Han was turning towards him again and effectively cutting off any amusement he might have garnered from the hilarious picture of the older man turning into a grey, bristly mule.

"Wouldn't want you to trip onto any more walkways, let alone the street. I don't think it's a good idea to have someone as clumsy as you walking around on your own."

Bristling at the clear insult, Sehun was about to hiss out an indignant complaint when he became aware of the unmistakable spark of humor in the older man’s eyes. The huff he let out at the realization that he was being teased again had Lu Han answering with a carefree bark of laughter, the sound so infectious, Sehun just barely managed to rein in the instinctive urge to smile in return. The next moment though, Lu Han bumped his shoulder against Sehun’s so good-naturedly, it took the younger man several, crucial seconds to realize that he was giggling. Giggling, for God’s sake. Choking back the embarrassing sound as waves of mortification swamped over him, Sehun kept his eyes stubbornly ahead for the rest of the walk home. Unfortunately that didn’t keep him from picking up on the amused chuckles Lu Han seemed incapable of holding in.

“This is me,” Sehun mumbled, as they stepped up in front of the dorms, finally left with no other choice than to look at Lu Han – unless he wanted to make himself look like an even bigger fool tonight. Which would have been quite the feat, all things considered. He still regretted it, the second their gazes met and something unidentifiable took up the squirming motion in his belly again. “Thanks. For everything.”

It was lame. He was so damn lame, but he just didn’t know what else to say. Luckily Lu Han either didn’t seem to care or he’d decided to take pity on Sehun, giving him another smile as he readjusted the messenger bag strap on his shoulder. It was quieter this time, more subdued, but no less mesmerizing. This time Sehun didn’t even have the chance to consider holding back his answering smile before the corners of his lips were pulling up on their own accord.

“You’re welcome. I hope the hand heals up soon.”

A casual two finger salute and Lu Han was straddling his bike, pulling off the headphones that had been hooked around his neck all this time and settling them over his ears with practiced efficiency. Sehun must have stared too long or too intensely, because instead of leaving Lu Han raised his eyebrows at him in a clear request of an explanation. “Something wrong?”

Sehun’s ears were undoubtedly turning a deep red again, as he stuttered out his reply. “Isn’t it dangerous to drive around with your headphones on?” God, he sounded like an idiot. “What if you don’t hear a car coming your way or something like that?”

Lu Han blinked at him one, two, three times – as if he couldn’t believe a klutz like Sehun was questioning him about road safety – and then he was suddenly smiling again. Grinning, as a matter of fact, eyes flashing with a softer emotion he didn’t know how to name, and Sehun’s stomach did another over-excited tumble.

“Don’t worry. I have good ears.”

With a tap to the headphone still settled over his ears and a last amused flash of his teeth, he was gone and Sehun stood there, watching his retreating form until he disappeared down the street, the peculiar feeling in his chest only growing stronger.

Good ears.

Shapeshifter.

Right.

Seulgi gave him a wide-eyed stare as he gingerly sank down on the seat beside her, two minutes before their lecture was scheduled to begin. His entire body hurt. He’d expected the ache in his hand, but he hadn’t been prepared for the way his whole body had screamed in protest as he’d slowly rolled himself out of bed that morning. It seemed like the rest of his body was as affected from the spill he had taken the previous night as his hand.

“You look horrible! And, oh my god, what happened to your hand? You texted me last night and you were fine, weren’t you?”

“Fell down the stairs in front of the library.”

Seulgi’s sympathetic wince stood in direct contrast to her next, uncensored words. “You’re a danger to yourself, Sehun. You might want to start thinking about only leaving your room covered in bubble wrap.”

“It wasn’t even my fault this time! Someone pushed me.”

“They pushed you?”

The pure outrage in Seulgi’s voice made Sehun feel a little better about this whole crappy day.

“Not on purpose. I think. They bowled me over on top of the stairs and either didn’t notice me falling, or didn’t care.”

“Of course you’d find a completely oblivious person to run into. Have you considered exorcism? That bad luck of yours is downright impressive.”

Brows pulling together for a scowl, he clutched his chest as if mortally wounded.

“Making fun of an invalid. That’s just cruel, Kang.”

“You’re not seriously hurt, are you?” There was genuine concern darkening Seulgi’s eyes and Sehun couldn’t keep up the pretense for more than a few more seconds, before he reached over with his bandaged hand and gave the bleached strand in her hair a gentle tug.

“Nah, don’t worry. I just scraped the side of my hand. It should be healed up in a week or two.”

“Provided you don’t stab yourself with a knife again or decide that taking another header off the stairs is a good idea, of course.”

“Yah!”

Sehun scored her with one more glare – that probably looked a lot less threatening than intended – as Seulgi stuck out her tongue at him and he decided to change the topic before she could fire off any more shots at his already banged up dignity.

“Where’s Ahyoung today?”

“In bed. She partied a little bit too hard last night,” Seulgi replied, amusement evident in her voice as she unearthed a text marker from the depths of her bag.

“Ouch.” Mid-week hangovers were always a bitch. “Want to have lunch with Joonmyun and me instead?”

“As if I’d butt in on one of your dates. I’ll probably just grab a sandwich and bunk down in my dorm room to read the next chapter of the book I started yesterday.”

Spluttering in protest, Sehun balled up an empty page from his note pad and chucked it at a grinning Seulgi, who simply batted it away and redirected it to the row in front of them. The paper missile hit the back of a dozing Heojun’s head, who grumbled out an intelligible complaint, before he resettled his head on his folded arms and went back to sleep within seconds.

“They’re not dates!”

“Right, I forgot. He’s just a friend who you have a crush on, which you don’t actually want to go anywhere.”

“Why are you making it sound so weird?” Sehun wasn’t even aware of the slight whine in his voice.

“Am I?”

Seulgi sounded entirely too entertained by the whole thing.

With his last class before lunch ending a bit early, Sehun was already sitting at one of his usual tables of the dining hall when the room slowly started to fill. His books were spread out in front of him, with a vague plan of getting some of his homework out of the way before Joonmyun arrived, when he unexpectedly felt him take the seat beside him.

“Hey, I’ll be done in a sec, but I think I’m actually not doing too badly with this, so I want to finish this paragraph before this odd state of motivation wears off.”

There was no reply and the absence of Joonmyun’s greeting was more distracting than the actual sound of his voice could have been. Something wasn’t right. First of all Joonmyun never sat down this close to him, usually preferring the seat across from Sehun, and he never skipped his “hey there, Sehunnie” greeting. Nonplussed frown marring the usually so smooth expanse of his forehead, he turned towards his seat neighbor and felt his pen drop out of his suddenly slack fingers. Realization slammed into him with the subtlety of an elephant in a porcelain shop. Straddling the bench, close enough to have his knees almost touching Sehun’s thighs, and looking at him out of dark, nearly unblinking eyes was Lu Han, appearing perfectly at ease with this chin propped up on his right arm.

Sehun opened his mouth to say… something, only to find no sound coming out, temporarily struck dumb and mute by pure shock.

“How’s the hand?”

Sehun wasn’t exactly sure why the lack of greeting or preamble seemed so entirely Lu Han, but it took his still buffering brain a few more precious seconds to send the command for an acceptable answer to his mouth.

“Uh…”

“So we’re back to that, huh?”

Lu Han’s face drew into an expression of resigned amusement and Sehun would have slapped himself for his smooth reply if he’d been able to convince his arms to move. In the end it was the hint of a smile tugging at Lu Han’s lips that finally unglued Sehun’s tongue from the roof of his mouth.

“Sorry! You just caught me off guard… kinda.” And as if the moment wasn’t already humiliating enough, he could feel his ears heating up in that familiar way again. “A lot, actually.”

That last mumbled part turned Lu Han’s smile into a full-fledged grin and Sehun was less surprised than he probably should have been by the fluttery way his stomach reacted to the change of expression.

“And my hand is fine. It’s more annoying than painful.”

“Hmmm,” the non-committal hum was followed by the older man holding out his hand and Sehun found himself more confused than ever. Clearly sensing his confusion, Lu Han added a curt “hand” that had Sehun snapping into motion and putting his hand into Lu Han’s open palm before he consciously decided if he wanted to follow the order or not.

The touch of the other man’s fingers closing around his wrist was startling in its warmth, the electrical currents travelling up his arm not wholly unfamiliar. And it was then, staring down at his wrist cradled carefully in Lu Han’s hand, that he fully realized what he’d just done.

“What am I? A dog?” Sehun grumbled, mostly directed at himself, but the words were enough to pull a choked laugh from Lu Han – one that almost managed to make him look goofy.

“It’s a good thing you’re not. I’m not exactly a dog person.”

He was too distracted by the way Lu Han gently tugged on his arm, until Sehun let him raise his hand a bit closer to his face, to process what exactly that said about the nature of the man’s shapeshifter side. Before he had time to do more than swallow the lump of emotion swelling in his throat though, the sound of Joonmyun’s voice had him startling in his seat.

“Hey there, Sehunnie. Sorry I’m late, but I had to...”

His sentence cut off suddenly and Sehun watched him take in the situation in front of him – the two of them huddled together on their side of the table and Lu Han bent over Sehun’s hand still cradled in his. The next moment that last detail seemed to register for Joonmyun.

“Oh my God, what happened to your hand?”

He was reaching out towards Sehun, but a sharp and short growl from Lu Han had Joonmyun snatching back his hand as if singed and Sehun’s heart seizing in his chest before it gave a terrified stutter.

For a few moments he’d somehow forgotten. He’d been momentarily distracted by the attention Lu Han had showered him with, but the reality of the other man’s nature came back to him with the impact of ice water in his gut.

Shapeshifter.

Shapeshifter.

It took the burn in his chest for Sehun to realize that he wasn’t breathing, that he’d stopped moving entirely at the first hint of that growl. Every fine hair on his body was standing on end, wide eyes fixed on Lu Han’s profile, as the older man stared up at Joonmyun. He tried to draw in a quiet breath, but all of a sudden it felt like there was nothing left for him to breathe in, as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room.

Lu Han must have felt Sehun’s initial flinch, he was certainly close enough to hear the way Sehun was now trying to draw in a desperate breath, because the hold on his hand was loosened barely a moment later, thumb beginning to rub soothing circles over the bandaged expanse of the inside of his wrist. “Sorry.”

The single word was soft enough to barely carry over the growing tin of the steadily filling dining hall, but oddly enough it had Sehun’s rigid body relaxing almost instantly. There was no explanation for it, no logical reason why the older man should have been able to hold off the rising panic inside of him that easily. But there he was, body gravitating towards Lu Han indiscernibly, heart slowing to an almost normal rhythm and shuddering breaths easing the sting in his throat.

The older man’s dark eyes stayed on him for another few, quiet seconds before he turned towards Joonmyun, never stopping the repetitive motion of his thumb stroking over Sehun’s pulse point.

“Sorry, Joon. Reflex.”

Joon?

That sounded awfully familiar. More than that, Joonmyun didn’t actually look overly scared or worried anymore, despite his startled reaction a few seconds ago. Instead there was an almost delighted look of realization spreading across his face. “Oh.”

The single word was filled with so much glee, as if he’d just come across the cure for some obscure illness, and Sehun honestly had no idea what was going on. There was a knowing smile pulling at Joonmyun’s lips, while Lu Han’s face darkened with the appearance of a truly impressive scowl.

“Uhm, guys? Anyone want to tell me what’s going on?”

With that, all attention was suddenly on Sehun again, but despite the unfading smile on Joonmyun’s face, he didn’t offer any explanation, while Lu Han seemed to have trouble putting an end to his scowling.

“What did you mean with ‘reflex’? And why does Joonmyun look like he just won the lottery?”

Surprise flickered in Lu Han’s eyes, before the emotion blinked out, something darker, almost impatient taking its place. A moment later the older man’s expression smoothed out completely, eyes once again wholly unreadable and before his brain could catch up with the sudden change the touch around Sehun’s wrist was gone.

It was rather eye-opening to realize that the emotion swelling in his chest wasn’t relief, but a rather powerful sense of disappointment. The sudden loss of warmth and contact left him feeling oddly bereft.

“It happens to us shapeshifters sometimes, if we’re focused on something or someone and another person interrupts. Sometimes our instincts can be a little harder to deal with than usual. I’m sorry if I scared you. And you can ignore Joonmyun. Everyone should just ignore him on principle.”

“And what principle would that be?” Joonmyun asked, the amusement in his voice barely contained.

“The principle of ‘don’t encourage the crazy’.”

“Rude.”

Joonmyun didn’t seem inclined to explain and Lu Han sure as hell wasn’t telling him the whole story, of that Sehun was completely certain, but he also knew that he didn’t exactly have the right to stick his nose into matters that weren’t any of his business.

Surprisingly, Lu Han made no move to leave, while Sehun recounted what had happened to his hand. Which wasn’t the easiest thing to do, between Joonmyun’s barrage of worried questions and the distraction of Lu Han’s knee pressing up against Sehun’s beneath the table, as if he didn’t notice that the casual contact had the younger man’s heart racing at the pace of a hummingbird’s wing beat. Sehun seriously doubted that he was able to cover up his reaction, his blazing red ears another dead giveaway, but Lu Han was either happy to keep it that way or just didn’t care.

During lunch the next day Lu Han was there again, as well as the next and the next and the one after that. Joonmyun didn’t seem the least bit taken aback by the new addition to their lunch table, simply welcoming Lu Han like they were old friends – which, Sehun found out during their third lunch together, was actually not that far from the truth. Apparently they had gone to the same high school and been on good terms ever since, not exactly close friends, but clearly more than acquaintances. Which certainly explained Lu Han’s casual use of Joonmyun’s nickname.

At the same time it just reminded Sehun once again that he knew practically nothing about Lu Han, except for the fact that he was a shapeshifter, was clearly a fan of skinship, was the kind of guy that accompanied near strangers to the hospital and apparently had sleeve tattoos up both his arms. That last piece of information had detonated in Sehun’s chest with the intensity of fireworks at the beginning of a new year, when Lu Han had showed up to lunch in one of his rare short-sleeved shirts one day. Sehun hadn’t done much more than stare and try not to hyperventilate that day.

Apart from that, though, Lu Han was still a complete mystery to him – unapologetically open about some things, closed up like a vault where other things were concerned and completely and utterly unpredictable.

And still, when Sehun left his last class before lunch one day and discovered Lu Han leaning against the wall next to the door, eyes flicking up from his phone to settle on Sehun with his by now familiar, but still unnerving kind of focus, he wasn’t as surprised as he probably should have been. Instead the dominant feeling fluttering up in his chest was a quiet sense of joy, as Lu Han’s expression melted into an almost cheeky smile. Sehun barely noticed the whispers around them picking up in volume.

It became such a regular thing, Lu Han picking him up from class and joining him and Joonmyun for lunch, that his stomach actually dropped with crushing disappointment when he stepped out of class two weeks later and realized that Lu Han wasn’t there. It was right then and there that he realized he was in a whole lot of trouble. Trouble spelled with a capital ‘T’ – or rather a capital ‘L’, as the annoying voice in the back of mind so helpfully corrected. Lu Han showed up halfway through lunch that day, dropping into his usual seat besides Sehun, hand stroking absentmindedly through the younger man’s black hair, before he let out a sigh that seemed to have travelled all the way up from his toes.

“Sorry I’m late, guys. I had a little discussion with the TA of my last class. Guy thinks he’s God’s gift to mankind.”

And while he and Joonmyun – who seemed to have his own axe to grind with the guy – started up a heated discussion, Sehun just sat there peeking at Lu Han’s scowling face, the uneasy feeling in his gut growing exponentially worse, even as he slowly leaned towards Lu Han until their arms were lightly pressed up against each other. The telling move earned him a gentle pat on his thigh, despite the fact that Lu Han never took his eyes off a wildly gesticulating Joonmyun. Even knowing that he should, Sehun didn’t move away for the entirety of his meal.

For some lunches it was just him, Joonmyun and Lu Han. Other times one or more of Lu Han’s friends joined them at their table, with Kyungsoo being their most regular guest – much to Sehun’s chagrin. It wasn’t that he had anything against the guy, but there was something very unsettling about the way the other man watched him sometimes – eyes piercingly alert, as if he was judging him, just waiting for him to screw up or do something dumb or embarrassing. Which – honestly speaking – wasn’t such a rare occurrence. When he gathered his courage and finally asked Joonmyun about it, the older man had just laughed and given his hair an affectionate ruffle.

“Don’t worry about it. Kyungsoo’s just very protective.”

“Protective? Of Lu Han? Are we talking about the same person here? He doesn’t exactly seem like the kind of guy in need of protection. Especially from me!”

“Try telling that to Kyungsoo.”

Needless to say, that particular discussion never actually took place.

Jongdae plopped his ass down on the bench next to Sehun and the younger man knew from the look on his cousin’s face that he was in deep shit.

“Oh Sehun,” Jongdae began, eyebrows pulled together menacingly – or as menacing as someone like Jongdae could pull off – and Sehun barely managed to stifle his sigh. Whatever he’d done, it must have been serious for his cousin to call him by his full name. “You’ve had lunch with Lu Han every day for the past several weeks and you didn’t bother to mention anything about it? What the hell, man!”

Sehun knew the furious flush of his cheeks was probably telling enough, but he decided that playing innocent was still his best bet at making it out of this conversation in one piece. But before he could open his mouth to defend himself, Jongdae was talking again, hands gesticulating wildly enough to nail him right in the arm.

“I’ve had to find out from Baekhyun! Baekhyun! You know how much I hate it when he finds out about campus gossip before me. He gets intolerable!”

“I’m sorry?”

“Apparently the whole campus has been talking about it! And I – your cousin, for god’s sake – don’t know anything about it?! It’s true, I’ve had to cancel a few of our breakfasts lately, seeing how I was holed up in my room 24/7, trying to get that goddamn track for my song writing class finished in time, but still! I can’t believe you’d do this to me! Fucking Byun Baekhyun!”

His cousin’s voice had gone from pissed off hiss to pitiful whine, but Sehun barely noticed, his mind still caught up on the fact that his budding friendship with Lu Han was apparently the talk on campus. All of a sudden the cereal in front of him didn’t look all that appetizing anymore.

“Honestly, though. Are you really okay?”

Looking up at the complete change in Jongdae’s voice, Sehun found his cousin staring at him with a mix of concern and cautious hope. Sehun knew what Jongdae was asking about, that he wanted to know if he was really fine with spending so much time in the company of a shapeshifter. And even though he had a hard time understanding it himself, Sehun realized that he was telling nothing but the truth when he looked his cousin directly in the eye.

“I’m okay. I really am. We’re friends.”

And for all his previous bitching and complaining, the smile on his cousin’s face was one of relief and genuine happiness.

He was whining, he knew he was, but it was hard to resist the embarrassing compulsion at the moment.

“Lu Han,” the older man’s name was suddenly three times as long as usual, “that is actually the worst idea ever. We’ve been hanging out for what? A bit more than a month? And you’ve seen me trip over thin air how many times? And that’s me doing nothing more than walk, without all the running and kicking a ball and trying to dodge other players.”

“Come on, Sehun. It’ll be fun.”

Fun. Yeah, right. Playing soccer was not Sehun’s idea of fun.

“I don’t do sport. With good reason.” Sehun really didn’t appreciate how amused Lu Han looked by this entire conversation. “Let’s ignore the very likely possibility of me breaking at least one leg in the process. I’d still ruin the whole game for you and your friends. Playing with someone without a single athletic gene in his body can’t be much fun. Excluding the comedic factor of watching me trip and dive all over the place, of course.”

Now Lu Han was outright laughing at him and Sehun would have felt a lot more insulted, if he didn’t like the sound of it so damn much.

“Don’t worry, Sehun. We’re just playing for fun. We’re not actually that competitive.”

“Guys always say that, but they never mean it. Especially when it’s about games and sport. Not that I have a lot of experience when it comes to sport, but I do have experience with being a guy. So you can try to bullshit me all you want. I’m not buying it.”

“I think I liked you better when you weren’t comfortable enough to give me so much lip,” Lu Han announced, the laughter in his eyes robbing his words of any credit. “Are you at least going to come watch us play?”

“Do I want to watch a bunch of athletic guys run around and chase a ball for half an hour, while I relax in the shade? Yeah, I could do that.”

Lu Han was mumbling something about “impossible brats”, but Sehun’s was distracted by the vibrating phone in his back pocket. Expecting a call from Joonmyun, to ask them where on earth they were, the actual name on his display caught him by complete surprise. Feet suddenly rooted to the floor, he stared at the caller ID with rising dread, his relaxed mood vanishing like it had never even existed, and momentarily considered ignoring the call. But Lu Han was giving him quizzical looks from where he had stopped when he’d realized the younger man wasn’t following him anymore and Sehun really didn’t want to explain, so he quickly swiped his thumb to take the call. He knew he’d made a mistake before his phone even touched his ear.

“Hi, mom.”

“Sehun.”

The sound of her voice filled him with so many different emotions. Dread and nervousness, as he watched Lu Han step closer again, clearly picking up on his anxiety. Love, the unconditional love of a child for his mother. The quiet, but familiar sense of home-sickness and the contradicting relief at finally having made it out of there.

“I just wanted to call and make sure you’re alright.” And somehow Sehun knew what was coming. He knew it and still there was nothing he could do about it, his throat suddenly too tight with panic to make it possible for him to speak up. “I ran into one of those horrible shapeshifters yesterday and I still can’t believe those animals are allowed to just run around like that. You’re being careful and keeping your distance, right?”

And he knew – thanks to the older man’s keen senses – that Lu Han had heard every single word. It was a bit like watching disaster unfold on screen in slow motion – only a hundred times worse. From one moment to another Lu Han went completely motionless, eyes glazing over with shock for a second, before they turned completely opaque, any hint of emotion vanishing without a trace. Sehun felt it like a punch to the gut, insides seizing painfully, the sound of his mother’s voice still in his ear, while her actual words didn’t register anymore. Neither did he notice the way his clammy hand tightened around his phone.

“Mom!” His shout was loud enough to startle Lu Han – and himself, if he was totally honest. His voice had come out with a lot more urgency than intended. “I’m sorry, but I’m actually really late for lunch with my friends. I’ll call you tonight, alright?”

His mother was clearly taken-aback, but thankfully didn’t question Sehun’s glaringly unusual behavior – for now.

“Alright, we’ll talk later. Take care of yourself. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

With that he hastily ended the call and the next, completely silent seconds might have been the most awful of his entire life. Lu Han wasn’t looking at him anymore, looking towards the building housing the dining hall instead and Sehun felt utter hopelessness well up inside of his chest. There were a thousand things he wanted to say, at least as many apologies he needed to get out, but he didn’t. Instead he just kept on standing there like the biggest asshole on the planet, mouth dust dry and nausea pushing at his throat.

“Let’s go. Joonmyun and the others are probably waiting for us.”

Lu Han’s voice sounded completely normal, but he still wouldn’t look at him even once.

The mood at their usually so lively table was subdued like never before, Joonmyun and Yixing keeping up a painfully stilted conversation, just to fill the all but crushing silence, while Joonmyun and Song Qian kept on shooting him inquiring glances from across the table. Kyungsoo on the other hand continued glaring from Sehun to Lu Han and back again, the expression on his face growing more thunderous by the second.

And when Lu Han pushed up from his seat next to Sehun to announce that he was leaving early today, Sehun knew that he might just have screwed things up beyond repair. There was probably a term for the crushing feeling inside his chest, Sehun just didn’t know what it was.

“See you guys on Monday.”

He didn’t really believe him.

By ten am the next morning Sehun had called Lu Han a grand total of eleven times, only to find Lu Han’s phone still turned off. And never in his entire life had Sehun hated a Saturday more than he did that day, sitting atop his bed, phone clutched in his hand and typing out apology after apology, all of them deleted before he could actually send them. He was slowly, but steadily losing his mind.

He wanted to talk to Lu Han.

He needed to talk to Lu Han. But all he got was the older man’s stupid mailbox.

The next moment his mind provided him with a ridiculously easy solution and he was dialing Joonmyun’s number before he could talk himself out of it.

The second Sehun pressed down on the doorbell of Lu Han's apartment he felt himself desperately wishing for a way to take back the action. He wasn't ready. He hadn't been ready upon arriving ten minutes ago, wringing his hands and repeatedly talking himself in and out of leaving again, and he sure as hell wasn’t ready now. Only proven by the way his stomach gave an unhappy lurch at the fading echo of the doorbell. He wasn't pacing – he simply didn't allow himself – but it took only a few moments for him to realize that the annoying sound echoing from the walls was his own foot tapping on the floor. Forcing himself to halt the movement – the embarrassing evidence of his nervousness – he focused on the tip of his dusty, blue sneakers instead, but found himself straightening with a jerk of his entire body when the door opened in front of him.

He only realized he'd been holding his breath when it left him in a quiet whoosh, as the young man in the open doorway turned out to someone other than Lu Han, most likely his roommate. Short hair a shade of reddish brown that reminded Sehun of burnished copper, was falling in messy waves around his attractive face, as his eyes gave him a careless sweep, before they finally settled – and narrowed – on his face.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, sorry. I'm Sehun. I'm a... friend of Lu Han." Calling himself that – the word alone – felt almost daring. "I was wondering if he's home. I've been trying to reach him on his phone, but it's turned off."

That piercing gaze didn't soften, but the man's stance in the open doorway relaxed enough to tell Sehun that he'd obviously been downgraded from "potential threat" to "mere annoyance".

"Han's out of town with his family. He'll be back on Monday. I'm afraid you won't have any luck reaching him until then."

For a few seconds Sehun just stood there and blinked down at Lu Han's roommate. He'd been so worried about showing up at his place without forewarning, he hadn't even considered the possibility that he might not even be at home. Which was stupid, of course. Lu Han didn't seem like the type to spend his free time holed up at home – not that he knew the older man well enough to make that judgement yet.

Sehun thought he might have stood there like an idiot for another while, if it weren't for the sudden sound of a woman calling out from inside the apartment. "Whoever it is, tell them to leave and get your delectable ass back to bed. We're not finished here, Minseok."

That finally got Sehun moving again, arms waving awkwardly at the man standing in the doorway, as he slowly backed away. "Alright, sorry for interrupting. I won't keep you any longer."

With his arms still raised uselessly, some of the sinking sensation – embarrassment, mixed with the disappointment of not being able to talk to Lu Han – must have shown at least partially on his face, judging by the way the shorter man's expression turned from emotionless to almost cordial in a heartbeat.

"I'll let him know you wanted to talk to him when he gets back."

"Thanks, I really appreciate it."

Telling himself to stop acting like the most awkward turtle on the planet, he made himself leave before he ended up looking even more pitiful than he undoubtedly already did. With a forced smile and another jerky wave of his hand – answered with an almost friendly nod - he turned away from the closing door, the weight pressing down on his chest growing heavier with every foot of distance he brought between himself and Lu Han's apartment. He'd once and for all run out of options to contact Lu Han and while he might have dreaded the actual confrontation, the thought that he'd have to wait until Monday to clear up the situation sat heavy in his gut like a sharp-edged boulder. This way the resentment and hurt that was probably plaguing Lu Han at the moment would have time to fester before Sehun could do anything about it. Provided that the older man even cared enough to think about it during the weekend.

Sehun wasn't sure which option was more painful, the thought of hurting Lu Han's feelings or him not giving a damn.

Back in his dorm room he found the shared quarter blessedly empty of his roommate, but realized soon enough that loud, way too energetic Chanyeol would have been a welcome distraction. He cleared his desk of clutter, picked up the few articles of clothing on his side of the room and sat down on his pristine desk to get some homework done, just to surge back up ten minutes later when he couldn't even focus enough to settle on where to start. Instead he went back to fussing with his room, but forced himself to stop as he caught himself considering the pros of sorting his closet according to colors and patterns. He was driving himself just a little bit crazy, wondering and worrying, obsessing about what Lu Han must have overheard, about how he might be done with him now. When that mere thought sent a bolt of panic down his spine and had his stomach giving another sick lurch, he knew he had to find a distraction.

He thought about heading over to Jongdae's, but decided he needed a bit more comfort than the "suck it up" he'd undoubtedly hear from his cousin. Which was why he found himself breathing just a little easier, when he spotted Joonmyun stepping through the door of the coffee shop where they had agreed to meet.

"Hey there, Sehunnie." Just Joonmyun's voice and the sight of his kind face had the worst of his anxiety unknotting in his chest and shoulders. He knew it had been the right decision to call Joonmyun when the older man started talking before he even finished sitting down on the chair he had pulled out for himself. "Are you alright? Did something happen? You sounded upset."

Sehun had no idea where to start. So for the next few seconds he just sat there, eyes probably wide enough to make him look like a cross between a startled deer and a complete idiot, and watched the furrow between Joonmyun's brows grow deeper as worry clouded his handsome face. He only realized he was biting down on his lip hard enough to draw a bit of blood when the unpleasant, metallic taste hit the tip of his tongue.

"Remember how quiet Lu Han was during lunch on Friday? That was my fault. I... I might have really messed things up this time."

Even to his own ears his voice sounded small and miserable and Sehun wondered when Lu Han had become such an important part of his life that the thought of damaging their friendship could draw such a powerful reaction from him. Wondered when he had gone from being afraid of Lu Han to feeling just a little sick at the thought of never having him sit next to him at lunch again. Of never having the older man give him that playful tap on the chin or steal food from his plate whenever Sehun wasn't paying attention.

"Messed up how?" Joonmyun's voice was pitched soothingly low, eyes filled with equal parts worry and encouragement as he held Sehun's gaze across the table.

And here came the difficult part. The part where he had to decide how much to tell Joonmyun, how much to reveal about his family's history. Drawing in a deep breath, as much to brace himself as to buy himself a bit more time, he decided merely to stick to the essentials. Sehun knew that Joonmyun would never betray his trust by telling anyone about the things he confessed to him, but there were certain parts of his past that he simply wasn't ready to talk about yet.

"My mother is a bigot, there's no way and no reason to sugarcoat it. Something happened in the past that made her hate shapeshifters and everything they stand for and even though I'm not proud of it, I've been afraid of them for almost all my life as well. I don't know if you noticed how weird I used to behave whenever I caught sight of Lu Han...," Sehun let the sentence hang between them like a question, shoulders slumping a little when Joonmyun replied with a simple affirmative. Of course he had. Sehun hadn't exactly been subtle – freezing midstep, losing most of his color and trying to make himself as small and unremarkable as possible. It had happened plenty of times in Joonmyun's company and stupid or dense sure as hell weren't among the older man's many colorful characteristics.

"She called me yesterday, right after Lu Han picked me up from class and I'm 99% sure he overheard her say some really hateful things about shapeshifters. It was bad, Joonmyun, and I just stood there and let her talk. I did nothing but cut the call as short as possible." His stomach pitched nauseatingly as his mother's words echoed in his mind for the hundredth time that day. "I just didn't know what to say to him after that, so I kept quiet and I know that was exactly the wrong thing to do. I didn't even apologize, I just acted like nothing happened. I finally got over my stupidity and tried to call him last night and as soon as I woke up this morning, but he isn't picking up his phone. So I asked you for his address and stopped by his place, but no luck either. His roommate says he won't be back until Monday!"

His voice was growing more agitated with every word and when he felt himself all but panic at the renewed reminder of his screw-up, he forced himself to take another deep breath. A deep breath that unfortunately did nothing to calm down his badly frayed nerves. It wasn't until Joonmyun's hand carefully settled on top of his that Sehun was pulled out of his minor meltdown. The expression on Joonmyun's face was so tender, Sehun actually felt his throat close up for several seconds.

"I don't think you ruined anything, Sehun. Yes, you should definitely talk to him about whatever it was he overheard, but you didn't destroy your friendship. Lu Han doesn't let people get close easily, but when he does, he's the most loyal friend you could possibly wish for. Just be honest with him. It's obvious there are things you haven't told me, things that are none of my business, but maybe Lu Han needs to hear them."

Never in his life had a weekend dragged on as much as this one. He went back to cleaning his and Chanyeol’s dorm room, giving his roommate the shock of a lifetime when he dragged in an actual vacuum cleaner that he’d borrowed from their neighbors. He hunted down every last grain of dust, he studied like midterms were just around the corner, he visited his aunt and uncle, met up with Seulgi and Ahyoung to catch up on campus gossip that seemed to forever go over his head and still the time crawled along at the pace of a snail in slow motion. On top of that Sehun barely slept, dozing off only to be pulled back to wakefulness by the mix of anxiety and heavy guilt rolling around in his gut.

By the time Monday finally came around, he was too exhausted to be nervous about trying to talk to Lu Han. He dragged himself out of bed, joined his cousin for breakfast and almost nodded off in his cereal. Things went pretty much down-hill from there. His morning classes were a blur, but he vaguely remembered Seulgi handing over her notes without his prompting at the end, which probably meant he looked as bad as he felt. Not even the usually so tortuous class before lunch was able to pierce through the fog of exhaustion, but the second Sehun stepped his foot out of the classroom he was shocked awake, as if slapped in the face with a hand that had been stuck into ice cold water. For a moment he was actually too stunned to move.

He was there.

Lu Han was really there, waiting for him as he always did, leaning back against the wall, and for a second Sehun wondered if he was going to burst into noisy tears of relief right there in the hallway. He’d been prepared to find his usual table at lunch empty except for Joonmyun, he’d been so determined to go and look for Lu Han, so ready to face rejection and instead Lu Han had come to find him.

“Sehun, are you alright? Minseok told me you showed up at our apartment on Saturday.”

There was such genuine worry on Lu Han’s face, Sehun literally felt his throat close up under a crushing wave of emotion. One second he was standing in the doorway, blocking the exit for the other students, and the next he was all but tackling Lu Han with a hug. Lu Han was too stiff from surprise, Sehun was too flustered and his limbs too long to make the stormy hug anything but awkward, but Sehun didn’t care, all but curling himself around the older man. Lu Han was here and instead of being angry at him for what had happened on Friday, he’d actually been worried.

“I’m sorry, Lu Han. I’m so sorry! I’m sorry about the things my mother said. I’m sorry you had to hear that. I’m sorry I just let her say those things. I’m sorry I didn’t tell her how wrong she was. I…,” Sehun began, ready to launch into another flood of apologies, but the feeling of Lu Han’s hand closing gently around his nape had him staying quiet, just in time to feel the alarming burn of his eyes. He hadn’t cried in years and really – really – didn’t want to get back into the habit in front of Lu Han.

“Shhhh. Calm down, Sehun.”

And just like that the embrace changed, neither of them caring that they were creating quite the spectacle in the middle of the hallway. Lu Han settled one hand at the small of Sehun’s back, finger spreading as if he was trying to touch as much of the taller man as possible. His other hand at the back of his neck gently pulled him in until Sehun’s head was comfortably tucked into the curve of his neck, Lu Han’s chin pressed lightly against his temple.

“Can we talk?” Sehun asked quietly, making Lu Han jump at the ticklish feeling of the younger man’s breath brushing across the obviously sensitive skin of his neck. “I really need to talk to you. It doesn’t have to be now. Anytime is fine. I have a lot of time or I can make more. If you want to go eat lunch now, I can just come over to your place tonight. Or if you don’t want me there we could meet up at a coffee shop, or something.”

“Sehun, you’re babbling again.”

“I’m nervous.”

At his timid confession, he could actually feel Lu Han’s lips tugging into a small smile.

“Now is fine, we can talk. Let’s text Joonmyun and let him know we won’t be there for lunch today.”

From Joonmyun: Good luck, Sehunnie! Let me know how it goes! Fighting! (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ

“When my mom called me on Friday. You heard what she said, didn’t you?”

By some miracle they had found an empty bench under one of the big trees in front of the science building, far enough from the next group of students sprawled out on the meticulously maintained lawn, to have a private conversation. Which was a good thing, because the things Sehun had to say weren’t meant for anyone else’s ears.

“Yeah, I heard. Like I said before, I have good ears.” He’d known it, but Lu Han’s confirmation still felt like stones dropping in his gut. “Is that why you showed up at my place on Saturday? Did you want to talk about this?”

Sehun gave a weak nod. “I tried to call you and apologize, but your phone was turned off, so I asked Joonmyun for your address. Your roommate told me you wouldn’t be back until today.”

Lu Han gave a quiet hum and when Sehun finally dared to look up, the older man’s gaze was focused on a guy muttering loudly to himself on the stairs leading up to the science building. Sehun was pretty sure he didn’t even realize what he was looking at, if the far-away expression on his face was anything to go by.

“My parents and I went on a short trip. Our animal sides need that from time to time. We usually just drive to mostly unpopulated areas and go on a long and hard run in our animal forms.” Sehun was partly stunned, partly relieved at how readily Lu Han gave up the information. “All that running definitely helped me clear my head and give me some perspective. I’ll admit that I was a bit hurt and shocked after hearing your mother say those things, but I promise I didn’t leave because I was angry or trying to avoid you.”

“You should have been.”

Sehun’s voice barely registered above a whisper, but judging by the way Lu Han’s head snapped towards him, he knew that Lu Han had easily picked up on it.

“Sehun…”

“No, let me get this out. There are certain things I haven’t told you about myself and my family, things you should know if we want to be friends.”

“We are friends, Sehun.”

The conviction in Lu Han’s voice almost dissolved his resolution to tell him, the fear of driving him away for good like an acid burn in his chest. But then he somehow forced himself to start talking, voice halting and unsure at first – and somehow ended up telling Lu Han absolutely everything. He told him about his father, of the few things he still remembered about him. He told him about the last night he’d seen him, about his father storming out of the house after a fight with his mother. He told Lu Han about the things that had happened after that, the things he’d only heard from other people. About his father ending up at a hole in the wall bar, about getting shit-faced drunk and picking a fight with an equally drunk shapeshifter. About his father ending up bleeding to death on a dirty bar floor, where a broken bottle had slashed open his neck.

When Sehun faltered, voice growing thick and hoarse, Lu Han simply reached over to intertwine their fingers, their locked hands a steadying, warm weight on his thigh.

So Sehun told Lu Han about his mother as well. About the way everything had changed after that, about the things he’d been taught growing up and the way he had – in his blind trust – never truly questioned them.

Until Lu Han.

“I’m sorry, Sehun.”

The crush of emotion in Lu Han’s voice almost had Sehun’s throat closing up as well, but he pushed on, wanting to get it all out before his courage had the opportunity to abandon him again.

“I think she blames herself. In some way, she blames herself for arguing with my father badly enough to have him leave the house that night. So instead of dealing with that kind of misplaced guilt, she focused all her self-loathing on you shapeshifters instead.” He had never mentioned it to anyone before and having his suspicions out in the open at long last, felt terrifying and liberating at the same time. “I’m not trying to defend the things my mother stands for, but…”

“I know, Sehun.”

And maybe he did, there was a weight to Lu Han’s gaze as Sehun finally dared to raise his eyes up to the older man’s face. And what he saw there was almost too much to deal with. So much sadness, so much anger that he somehow knew wasn’t directed at him and that tiny flicker of relief behind those volatile emotions in his eyes. But it was the absence of any kind of disgust that had Sehun almost light-headed with relief. It only hardened his determination to tell Lu Han the rest as well.

“But Lu Han, you have to know that for a long time I was the same.”

A few weeks ago the flare of temper in Lu Han’s eyes would have reduced Sehun to a tiny ball of panic. Hearing him growl out a sharp “that’s bullshit” would have had him cowering in fear for hours. Now the way Lu Han sprang to his immediate defense – even from himself – made him feel oddly save, cherished in a way he couldn’t quite explain.

“I always knew you were afraid of me. It was pretty hard not to, when I’d sometimes catch you staring at me from across the room with terrified eyes. It was even harder to ignore the smell of fear on you whenever I got a bit too close. I always knew you were scared of me, I just never understood why. But let me tell you this, even I know that you’re nothing like your mother. You were afraid of me and my kind, but you never hated us, you never wished us any harm.”

The lump of emotion in Sehun’s throat grew steadily bigger at the pissed off expression on Lu Han’s face, the shadow of a growl in his voice.

“No. You’re right, I wasn’t the same. I never hated shapeshifters, but I was afraid of you, there’s no denying that, Lu Han.”

“You were a child. You lost your father and in a way you lost your mother as well that day.”

“But I wasn’t a child a few weeks ago, when I ran into you in the hallway. When I looked at you and my first instinct was to run in the other direction. Or all the other times I caught sight of you and saw something dangerous and didn’t even bother to find out that there were a lot more things to you than being a shapeshifter.”

“Yes, but you changed your mind, didn’t you?”

The words plummeted to the ground between them, building a clear line that, once crossed, would forever change this new, tentative friendship between them. And for once Sehun knew better than to hesitate.

“Yes, I changed my mind. I’m not afraid of you anymore.”

He hadn’t noticed the extreme tension in Lu Han’s body until he felt it drain out of the older man, hand spasming around Sehun’s for a second, eyes turning distinctly inhuman for a single heartbeat, before they returned to their familiarly dark, beautiful shade of brown.

“And that right there is the only thing that matters to me.”

It was almost impossible to explain how their relationship changed after that. In a way things were almost painfully awkward during the days following their conversation – Sehun’s ears turning hot every time their fingers grazed while walking next to each other, every time he met the older man’s eyes, gaze shifting away, before he shyly looked back again. But at the same time Sehun felt infinitely closer to Lu Han. While the shapeshifter had never been stingy with his touches, Sehun started to notice that the feeling of Lu Han’s skin against his was slowly becoming the most familiar thing in the world. When they were together they never stood or sat more than a few inches away from each other, their thighs or knees constantly pressed up against each other. When Lu Han wasn’t outright holding his hand or had his arm slung over Sehun’s shoulder, he was at least giving his chin a playful tap or ruffling his hair every few minutes, as if to make sure he had Sehun’s undivided attention at all times.

Sehun couldn’t say he minded any of it. While he wasn’t yet brave enough to initiate more than the most fleeting contact, like a playful punch whenever Lu Han’s teasing got a bit too much or a tug on the older man’s hand if he wanted to show him something, he never moved out of Lu Han’s casual hugs. Never ever passed up a chance to shift closer in the circle of his arms or rest his head on the shorter man’s shoulder – even if it meant standing or sitting there slightly hunched over.

His back might have hated him, but his heart was a hundred percent content.

The most obvious change was Kyungsoo, though. From one day to another all the glaring simply stopped. And when, one day, he ran into him in the hallway between classes and the older man gave him an honest to God smile in passing, Sehun all but jumped out of his skin in surprise. By the time he recovered from the shock and sheer beauty of that heart-shaped smile, he was already ten minutes late for class, but completely sure that his life had just gotten a whole lot easier.

“Is it possible to bruise your lungs from breathing too hard? Cause I think that’s what I’m doing right now,” Sehun panted, breaths sawing in and out of his screaming lungs, as he felt Lu Han flop down next to him. The older man was radiating heat like a furnace and even though he already felt close to melting, he couldn’t quite make himself shift farther away.

“I don’t know how you talked me into this,” Sehun croaked when Lu Han failed to give a response to his question, feeling on the brink of a heart attack. “Never mind, I already know. You dragged me out of bed, put me into these clothes and pushed me out the door before I was awake enough to protest.”

“Stop whining. It’s good for the soul.”

Sehun hated that Lu Han didn’t even have the decency to sound out of breath. With the mellow, lazy timbre of his voice, he just seemed like he was out there to take a short nap in the sun.

Stupid shapeshifters.

“Chocolate, sleeping in, taking a bath, reading a good book, a relaxing massage and playing with puppies, those things are good for the soul. Going for a run on a Sunday morning, when I could still be lying in bed, does not qualify. Nothing this painful could possibly be good for the soul.”

“Fine, then it’s good for your body. Now be quiet, I’m trying to relax here.”

“Rude.”

But Sehun obediently held back any more complaints. Staying quiet was fine as well. At least it gave him the chance to get his breath back, to slow the frantic beating of his heart before he actually convinced himself he was going into cardiac arrest. It seemed like the right thing to do, seeing how Lu Han wasn’t conscious enough to provide CPR if necessary.

Shifting onto his side, he tucked his arm under his head and allowed himself to just watch the older man next to him for a few minutes. The breeze was tugging playfully at his dark hair, the sun making his skin glow in a way that made him look almost ethereal. He really was too beautiful for words, but Sehun knew better than to say anything about it. The fastest way to piss Lu Han off was to use the word ‘pretty’ anywhere in his vicinity.

Not that the word truly applied in Lu Han’s case – Sehun just liked to see the thunderous scowl appear on his face from time to time. There was nothing pretty about the coiled strength in Lu Han’s limbs, the crackling energy surrounding him, even on the brink of falling asleep, or the way his black and grey sleeve tattoos stood in such stark contrast to his lightly tanned skin. While his skin appeared almost alive under the sun, the dark lines of his tattoos seemed to all but absorb the rays of light. The sight was mesmerizing – utterly spell-binding – and drawing Sehun’s touch like a moth to the flame.

Lu Han’s skin was hot to the touch and slightly damp with the sweat of physical exertion, but Sehun couldn’t have cared less as he started following one of the dark lines tattooed into Lu Han’s skin. His finger travelled from the relaxed slope of his bicep, over the smooth skin on the inside of his elbow, all the way down to his wrist, before he even realized what he was doing.

At first the low, rhythmical sound didn’t really register with Sehun, his whole attention focused on the feeling of Lu Han’s skin under his fingertips, the sight of him tracing each intricate line. It took him several moments to identify it as a purr, so he was rather slow to raise his gaze and discover Lu Han watching him out of lazy, barely open eyes.

Sehun didn’t think he’d ever moved so fast, snatching back his hand as if poked with a cattle prod.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. Actually, I wasn’t thinking at all, I just…”

“Sehun, stop babbling.” The order had Sehun clamping his mouth shut with enough force to slightly rattle his brain. “It’s fine. I liked it. I would have said something if I wasn’t okay with it.”

The initial flare of Sehun’s panic settled at Lu Han’s calm reassurance, but he still couldn’t believe he’d been rude enough to touch the other man without permission. You didn’t just touch people. Especially not shapeshifters.

“I’m still really, really sorry. I know shapeshifters don’t just let anyone touch them. I didn’t realize,” Sehun explained hurriedly, but broke off when he felt Lu Han’s hand close around his wrist, tugging him forward until his fingers were pressing into the older man’s skin again. The message was as clear as it could get, but still Sehun didn’t move, stunned into complete motionlessness, as his heart beat frantically in the vicinity of his throat.

Lu Han, obviously at the end of his patience, gave him a look that could only be described as disgruntled disbelieve.

“I said, I liked it. Do it some more.”

It was too tempting to resist. But this time his touch was tentative, careful, his racing pulse and tight throat a constant reminder that he was touching Lu Han. Now that he actually registered the warmth beneath his tracing fingers, the softness of Lu Han’s skin and the reassurance of the older man’s rumbling purrs, it was impossible to be anything but aware. This time he didn’t let his mind wander, didn’t sink too deeply into his thoughts. This time he watched Lu Han’s eyelids lower slightly, watched his eyes grow hazy with pleasure, watched his entire face soften and felt a mix of pride and delight spread through him.

“After all this time, did you really think I’d not be okay with you touching me? How much more obvious do I have to get? Yixing asked me if shapeshifters can go into heat, I’ve apparently been touching you so much. I think he was joking, but you never know with him.”

How Lu Han managed to sound exasperated and half-asleep at the same time, Sehun would never know. Neither was he entirely sure how he ended up with Lu Han’s head resting in his lap only a few minutes later, the older man fast asleep as Sehun ran his fingers through his dark hair. But he thought he’d be willing to suffer through taking a run every day, if this was the result.

He was pretty sure he knew what that said about the state of his heart. Or whom it belonged to.

“I just think it’s unfair,” Sehun complained that night after returning from dinner, curled up on his bed next to Lu Han, who seemed a grand total of three seconds away from falling asleep – again. For all his usual energy, Sehun had recently discovered a new side of the shapeshifter. And that side was lazy as hell. “I told you all these things about myself, about my mother and family, but I barely know anything about you.”

“You know plenty.”

It was barely more than a drawl, but it had Lu Han turning towards him and eyes blinking open with a tired smile lifting one corner of his relaxed mouth.

“I know that you apparently take a hell of a lot naps, you love soccer, I know that you hate it when people call you pretty or cute and that you don’t eat nearly enough vegetables. But that’s not exactly the same as me telling you about my past.”

“What do you want to know then?”

“Everything.”

The word slipped over his lips before he could bite it back and the way it turned Lu Han’s fond half-smile into a full-blown grin had his ears turning embarrassingly hot again.

“Well, that might take a while.”

“Shut up,” Sehun grumbled, sinking lower into the mattress in a desperate attempt to become one with the bed.

“Come on, Sehun. We have to start somewhere, so tell me something you want to know about me. I promise I’ll answer any question you have.”

Not quite trusting Lu Han’s accommodating mood, he focused on him with narrowed eyes, but felt curiosity stir in his gut.

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

And before he could think better of it, Sehun blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. Something he had been obsessing about for weeks, maybe months.

“What kind of animal do you turn into when you shift?”

Despite the older man’s promise, he’d expected Lu Han to tell him it was none of his business, expected his eyes to lose the warmth that filled Sehun with exhilaration, every time he caught Lu Han looking at him like that. He’d at least expected him to look a bit taken aback, but when the older man simply rose until he was standing in front of the bed and looking down at Sehun with the same relaxed and open expression, he didn’t know where this was going.

“Do you want to see?”

The catch of Sehun’s breath was embarrassingly audible in the quiet room, had Lu Han’s eyes flaring with a different kind of emotion, something that didn’t look altogether human anymore. He wasn’t actually a hundred percent sure how he would react to having Lu Han in his animal form right in front of him – if it would bring back some of the ungrounded fear he had somehow gotten over with Lu Han’s help. But the sliver of doubt still didn’t keep him from nodding as if in trance almost right away.

A second later he all but swallowed his tongue as Lu Han casually shrugged out of his t-shirt, the tattoos on his arm moving mesmerizingly to the flex and release of the older man’s muscles.

“What are you doing?!”

Sehun felt his face catch on fire, as he watched Lu Han reach towards the button and zipper of his jeans and judging by the flash of his almost evil grin, the older man was enjoying every second of it.

“Taking off my clothes, obviously. Shifting in your clothes is never a good idea, unless you’re not very attached to them and this is one of my favorite pairs of jeans.”

“Oh.”

The sound was more croak than anything else and Sehun swallowed reflexively, eyes growing impossibly wider, as Lu Han thumbed open the single button of his fly.

“You could just close your eyes, you know. Not that I blame you for not wanting to miss the show.”

Spluttering in a mix of mortification and indignant protest, Sehun slammed his eyes shut, covering them with his hands for good measure, and tried his best not to die from embarrassment at Lu Han’s melodious laugh – the deep sound lighting something reckless in his chest. Just a few seconds later the younger man realized that he might have made a big mistake, as the sounds of rustling clothes registered over the pounding of his pulse in his ears. Leaving it up to his imagination to provide mental pictures to the sounds of Lu Han undressing might have not been the best decision he’d ever made. He was barely breathing by the time the rustling stopped, probably just a few seconds away from falling off the edge of the mattress, and waiting breathlessly for a sign that it was okay to open his eyes again.

Then the most subtle, almost silent padding of paws drew closer and Sehun’s heart literally stuttered in his chest. Frozen in a mix of heady anticipation and a little bit of fear, he could do nothing but suck in a very necessary breath as he felt something heavy settling on his left thigh.

In the end it was a light nudge against his leg that had him slowly opening his eyes and the sight stole all the air from his lungs in a powerful whoosh. He didn’t know what he’d expected, but the big cat standing in front of him, head resting on his thigh as he watched Sehun out of dark yellow eyes, was definitely a lot to take in. In the truest sense of the word. He was… huge, even with his head lowered to Sehun’s thigh. Maybe it was just the reality of being within range of those teeth and claws, but the big cat in front of him was definitely bigger than he had thought Lu Han would be.

He was also the most gorgeous thing Sehun had ever seen. Thick, tawny pelt that looked incredibly soft to the touch, alert yellow eyes that appeared almost greenish when the big cat slowly tilted its head to the side, as if to ask if he was doing okay, and a sleek, but powerful body that was clearly built for quick attacks that took its prey by surprise.

“A… mountain lion?”

The guess earned him a low, surprisingly non-threatening rumble that Sehun took as a show of approval. Lu Han looked so curious, almost hopeful, it was probably what made him do it, even though it was clearly the fastest way to get his arm ripped off. But the next second Sehun was carefully raising his slightly trembling hand, heart pounding so fast, he thought it might just hammer its way out of his chest, and reached out towards the big cat. The happy perk of sand colored ears had him freezing again, but then another rumble left Lu Han’s throat, somehow managing to sound encouraging and impatient at the same time, and the younger man finally found the courage to close the remaining distance between them. The first touch, hand settling on the spot between the mountain lion’s ears, had his breath rushing out of him on a shaky exhale and his stomach flipping around like a gymnast at the Olympics.

The feeling of warm fur beneath his hand had him freezing once more, unsure where to go from there, but then Lu Han was pressing up into this touch and Sehun curled his fingers into the thick pelt in a tentative caress. The content sound coming from the big cat sounded like the happy purrs of his aunt’s cat – only so much deeper – so Sehun found the courage for a firmer touch, letting himself sink down until his butt hit the floor. Apparently it was enough encouragement to have Lu Han moving closer as well. Inching forward until his warm body was pressed up against the length of Sehun’s thigh, he nuzzled into his hand and didn’t stop moving until his entire head was resting against the younger man’s stomach. Once again Sehun turned completely motionless in fear of doing something to displease the big cat curled up against him, but the need to touch – a dangerous curiosity – turned out to be too hard to resist.

Stroking his hand from Lu Han’s softly twitching ears, over his neck, as far down his back as his arms could reach in one smooth caress, had the mountain lion take up its clearly satisfied purring again. He felt the vibrations against his thigh and stomach, the warmth of the cat’s body seeping into him until any remaining tension started to seep out of the man as well. It seemed almost impossible to be anything but completely relaxed with his back resting against the couch and a wholly content Lu Han curled into his side.

The shiny top coat of his tawny fur was bristlier than he had expected, but as Sehun curled his fingers to give the cat a light scratch behind his ears, he felt the incredibly soft fur underneath and all but started purring himself.

He didn’t know how much time passed that way, Sehun running his hands through Lu Han’s fur and the big cat growling in displeasure every time he showed signs of stopping. By the time he gave Lu Han a last pat on his head, his arm felt as heavy as stone, muscles aching and cramping in protest at the smallest move. Sehun still didn’t have any regrets – except for having to stop.

One second a sleepy mountain lion was pushing itself up on all fours again and the next he had a very naked Lu Han standing directly in front of him.

He wasn’t proud of it, but there was no denying the fact that he let out an honest to God squeak at the sight of all that naked skin, chucking the pillow from his bed at a grinning Lu Han and scrambling to his feet in an attempt to escape. Attempt being the operative word, as the klutz in him decided to make an appearance again and had his foot snagging on the edge of the carpet, Sehun going down on all fours again.

“Well,” the gleeful undercurrent in that single word spelled nothing but trouble for the younger man, “I have to say, this is definitely the first time the sight of my dick has literally brought a guy to his knees.”

Sehun muffled a pitiful whine into the scratchy carpet in front of his bed, before he could bring himself to talk over the waves of mortification radiating through his body.

“Three things. Number one: I was not looking at your d-dick, so stop gloating. Number two: Shut up. Number three: Please, put your clothes back on.”

The last thing he needed was for Chanyeol to come home and find him kneeling in front of a naked Lu Han. He had suffered enough humiliation for one day.

Their group was taking up an entire table for ten at the back of the restaurant. Their usual lunch group, as well as Jongdae and his two best friends. Then there was the seriously tall guy, looking like he’d just stepped off the screen of a Hollywood movie by the name of Wu Yifan, who Joonmyun had introduced as his boyfriend. That piece of information had caused quite the stir, before the promise of food had distracted the ravenous group of eight guys and two women.

Now they were digging into their meals, Lu Han stealing pieces of shrimp off Sehun’s plate every chance he got and the younger man was too damn whipped to protest the tragic loss of his food, while he kept their hands firmly interlinked on top of the table. It made eating quite the challenge – Sehun had never been very good at using his left hand – but he had no inclination whatsoever to tug his hand out of the older man’s grasp.

Whipped.

“I’m just gonna come out and ask this,” Jongdae disrupted the noises of ten people devouring their dinner, gaze fixed on the clasp of Sehun and Lu Han’s hand on the table. “Are you guys dating?”

Sehun could actually feel himself turn beet red all over – not just the tips of his ears this time – and was just about to swallow down the sip of lychee juice in his mouth to voice a swift denial, when Lu Han’s calm answer had the entire table going completely quiet for three, wonderous seconds. “Of course we’re dating.”

Sehun almost spit his juice out through his nose and by the time he had settled down enough to swallow, his hoarse “what?” was barely audible over the sudden, crazy din around the table.

“Did you or did you not see me naked last night?”

Sehun had absolutely no idea how to react to that question, his flaming cheeks turning redder by the second, but he didn’t think he could have actually gotten a word in edgewise, with the way their friends were currently launching questions at them.

“What the fuck?”

“I knew it!”

“You owe me fifty bucks, Yixing!”

“What the fuck?!”

“Since when?”

“We can’t be dating!”

That last, slightly panic-tinged outcry from Sehun had Lu Han wheeling around towards him with a genuinely affronted expression. The way his brows pulled together over those dark, alert eyes would have normally distracted Sehun to the point of him losing track of the entire conversation, completely spellbound, but in that particular moment, panic just barely won out over his damning attraction to the older man.

“Why the hell not?”

“We haven’t even kissed yet!”

It didn’t take Sehun more than a few seconds to realize that it might have been the wrong thing to say, at the wrong place and certainly the wrong time. Dinner with their friends was not the right place to give Lu Han any wrong ideas, considering the man didn’t actually know the meaning of the word “shame”.

A concern that proved completely appropriate when he watched Lu Han’s expression transform right there at the table, the look in his eyes turning almost sly. Swallowing down the sense of foreboding was all Sehun could do, before Lu Han opened his mouth – effectively throwing him under the metaphorical bus.

“Well, we can change that easily.”

Sehun all but toppled out of his chair at the way Lu Han suddenly shifted closer, as if to kiss him right then and there, while the rest of the table descended into renewed chaos and raucous laughter.

The campus was mostly deserted by the time Lu Han walked him home later that night, their fingers loosely intertwined between them, but Sehun was barely aware of the familiar touch, much less their surroundings. Instead he was still suffering from the aftereffects of their rather eventful dinner. His head was feeling more than just a little light-headed and his ears were still ringing from the storm of questions he’d been bombarded with after Lu Han’s forward suggestion.

“Sorry about that. I realize it wasn’t exactly the best time and place to approach the whole ‘do you want to be my boyfriend’ question.”

He’d never heard Lu Han’s voice sound quite so apologetic and Sehun just knew that, had the older man been in his animal form, his ears would have been drooping sadly.

“It really wasn’t. Not to mention the fact that you never actually asked the question.”

A few beats of thick silence, before the older man breathed out on a groan of self-deprecation.

“Right. Shit.”

And Sehun just couldn’t help it, letting out a rather unattractive snort of laughter at the dismayed look on Lu Han’s expressive face.

“I was serious, though.” And just like that any urge to laugh he might have still harbored was effectively gone, the seriousness in Lu Han’s voice triggering that fluttery feeling inside of him again. “I like you so much, Sehun. I really want you to be my boyfriend. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but I really thought you were feeling the same way.” A short squeeze of his hand that only encouraged the already swarming butterflies in Sehun’s stomach, before Lu Han continued talking. “If you’re not ready to date me or don’t actually like me that way, then that’s fine. Well, not fine fine, because I definitely hope I’d be able to slowly change your mind, but I just want you to know that I think of you as way more than a friend. You’re the most endearing klutz I’ve ever come across, you’re genuinely nice, even though you can be a total brat sometimes and I honestly never feel happier than when you’re touching me. Not to mention the fact that you’re seriously hot.”

It was quite eye-opening to have their roles so completely reversed for once. Lu Han babbling up a storm and Sehun watching him with a fond smile blooming on his face.

“I was serious too, you know. I can’t date you until we kiss. I like you a lot – like a lot – and I’m prepared to date you, even if you’re a bad kisser, but I at least want to know what I’m getting myself into.”

Lu Han’s entire demeanor changed at Sehun’s words. His body filled with a wholly different kind of tension, lips forming a smile so brilliant, his eyes all but disappeared, as he tugged Sehun closer with the hands he confidently settled on his waist.

“So are you going to let me kiss you, now that no one is watching?”

Instead of an answer, Sehun simply grabbed Lu Han by the collar and leaned down for a kiss that surprised as much as it pleased him. Contrary to Sehun’s expectations, Lu Han didn’t immediately try to take control of the kiss. He seemed just too happy to let Sehun play for several minutes, answering the younger man’s nip to his lower lip with a quick nuzzle of his jaw, before he offered his lips back to Sehun.

There was something very feline about the way Lu Han kissed him – playful, unpredictable and oh so affectionate, as his hands sneaked under Sehun’s shirt, fingertips pressing softly into the younger man’s warm skin. His mouth wasn’t the fullest, but soft and warm in a way Sehun hadn’t expected, and the taller man opened up and let himself sink into the exploratory kiss with a sigh of utter contentment. Lazy flicks of Lu Han’s tongue had shivers of delight travelling down his spine and only at the sound of Sehun’s rather breathless whine did he tighten his grip on Sehun and moved in with a purpose that turned their kiss from mmmmh, veeeeery nice to holy shit, that’s potent in two seconds flat.

By the time Lu Han pulled back to give them both the chance to draw in some much needed air, Sehun’s brain was in ‘fuck cooperation’ mode and he was blurting out his first coherent thought. “Guess I don’t have to worry about the whole bad kisser thing.”

And just like that smug Lu Han was back in business.

Keeping up the not very covert glances at Lu Han’s profile as they continued their way to Sehun’s dorm – a rather risky endeavor considering his klutzy tendencies – and feeling his heart swell at the smile that seemed to refuse to vanish from the older man’s face, Sehun could barely figure out how they had made it this far. Two months ago he’d been ready to bolt at the mere mention of the shapeshifter’s name and now he was walking home with Lu Han, the other man’s hand resting oh so casually in the back pocket of his jeans and the most adoring smile on his face, as he noticed Sehun’s repeated stares.

“Thank you.”

Lu Han’s nonchalant reply was accompanied by a curiously raised eyebrow. “You’re welcome.”

“Do you even know what I’m talking about?”

“Whatever it is, I’m sure I deserve all the gratitude in the world.”

“Conceited,” Sehun scoffed, but couldn’t quite keep the smile off his face. He really couldn’t remember a time when he had smiled more than he did these days and he honestly couldn’t be happier about it. Even though Lu Han seemed to consider every single smile from Sehun as petting for his already overblown ego.

“Thanks for stopping that day I took a header off the library stairs. Thanks for proving to me how wrong I’ve truly been about shapeshifters. And thanks for liking me back.”

For a single heartbeat Lu Han looked just a little bit stunned, but then the cat in him seemed to take over and his expression turned smug to no end.

“See, I do actually deserve all the gratitude. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure I deserve at least an hour of cuddling and petting tonight.”

“Conceited and greedy.”

Lu Han simply gave a lazy, wholly unapologetic shrug, as he tilted his head back in a clear demand for a kiss. And with Lu Han’s purrs vibrating against Sehun’s lips, the younger man had to admit that he wouldn’t have it any other way.