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"Can you believe it?" Milly squealed to Meryl as they made their way up to their hotel room. "Hot water for all patrons, free of charge! After the conditions we've had to endure, I practically feel like royalty!"
No kidding," Meryl replied as she unlocked the door and swung it open, revealing two twin beds with a nightstand in between. "I feel like I have half a desert in my socks."
"Would you like to take your turn in the shower first?" Milly offered. She dropped her bags on the bed closest to the door, idly scratching at her scalp.
Meryl smiled. "No, I think I'll let you have it. Besides, I'd like to run to the general store and see if I can trade my book in for something new. I can do that while you wash up."
"Alright, if you're sure," Milly said.
Meryl would have been well within her rights to just take the first shower, not only because of the sand in her socks but also because she was Milly's superior. Meryl didn't tend to worry about things like that, though. She'd said on more than one occasion that she wanted the two of them to be partners. Equals. It always made Milly blush.
After bidding a quick goodbye to each other, Milly was left alone. She wasted no time undressing, though she kept on her under-things for now. She would work up to taking those off. Folding her clothes in a neat little pile on the bed, she headed for the bathroom and turned the water on.
Milly hadn't had a real shower, hadn't been in a real bathroom with a big mirror like this, in quite some time—the way her hair clumped together and itched was proof enough of that. Nice lodgings were rare, especially when they were always on the move looking for the enigmatic Vash the Stampede. On most nights they camped under the stars, struggling to keep warm in their tent. While having real beds was a welcome change, Milly had to admit that there was a very selfish part of her that missed camping, because Meryl would sometimes press against her for warmth in the middle of the cold night. She knew Meryl would never return her romantic feelings, so she made sure to cherish those moments of closeness.
Shaking herself from her daydreaming, Milly undid her bra and gently set it on the counter with the utmost care, letting out a sigh of relief as she rubbed at the red indentations on her sides. Milly loved her bras, and not only because she'd spent so many years dreaming someday wearing one. They made her feel beautiful and feminine, and she loved how the straps looked on her shoulder. However, all of those nice feelings didn't make the garments any more comfortable.
Her panties came next, though she would be lying if she said she didn't procrastinate their removal. This part was always the worst part of showering, because it meant she had to come face-to-face with that part of herself that she resented so much. It was easier to ignore when it was tucked away behind the sturdy material, making her pubic area look almost how it should. Almost.
She pulled them down carefully, folding them and placing them on the edge of the sink. She didn't look down. Refused to. That part of her wasn't going to ruin what was supposed to be the best shower she'd had in weeks.
Undergarments removed, she stepped into the shower and let out a sigh. The water really was hot, a sensation she'd almost forgotten. Some of the tension that had built up from undressing seeped from her shoulders, joining the dirt and sand that swirled the drain.
The inn-provided soap smelled faintly of sugar, which went even further in making Milly feel the royalty. Like a princess.
It was a welcome change, as showers were generally the times where she felt the least like a princess.
Keeping her eyes forward, she luxuriated in rubbing shampoo into her dirty hair and lathering it twice (twice!). She ran conditioner through the ends of her hair, and rubbed the bar of soap over her body until every part of her was clean and pink. Mindful of the hot water she tuned the tap a little earlier than she'd really wanted to and stepped out into the steamy bathroom, sighing in satisfaction. She even found a bottle of lotion, something she hadn't seen in recent memory, and took the time to rub it into her cracked skin.
Finally, moisturized, she turned to grab a towel.
And froze.
The metal bar where she'd expect to find them was empty. The cupboards, too, were all empty of anything she could use to cover herself. Worst of all, her clean clothes were still in her luggage, left behind in her excitement to finally get clean.
Honestly, what kind of fancy bathroom didn't have any towels?
Milly briefly considered putting her dirty undergarments back on, but felt disgusted by the very idea of it. Was she really going to put her gross, sandy clothes back on, after taking such pains to wash every speck of sand away?
She stood there, frozen, wet hair dripping steadily onto her breasts and down her back. She had no choice but to leave the bathroom and hope that there was a towel somewhere out there, or at the very least grab her clean pajamas and drip-dry until she could put them on. Meryl was gone, and—if Milly knew anything about her book-browsing habits—would probably be gone for the next half an hour. Even then, leaving the bathroom in her natural state was so distressing to her that she began to feel sick to her stomach.
All of this worrying was wasting time. If she wasn't careful, Meryl would be back before she could figure out what to do.
Gathering up all of her bravery, Milly turned the knob and opened the door. Cold air from the hotel room rushed in, raising the hair on her arms and giving her goosebumps. She wrapped her arms around her upper body as she rounded the corner—and came face to face with Meryl.
Milly let out a little scream as their eyes met, but her feet were rooted to the spot. Move. She needed to move. Shaking off the shock, she lunged backward into the bathroom and slammed the door. She pressed her back against it as she slowly slid down to the floor.
"No, no," she whimpered to herself. The tile under her bottom was cool, but it did little to calm the agitation she found herself consumed by. She hadn't wanted Meryl to know, especially not yet. They hardly knew each other! They had only been partners for a few short months. Certainly not long enough for Milly to share this. But now, Meryl knew. She had seen. There was no way she hadn't seen that part of her, not with how grotesque and obvious it was .
This was going to change everything.
Milly choked back a sob as the reality of the situation hit her. She'd just ruined her friendship with Meryl. No way would she every be comfortable around Milly now, let alone to share close quarters like they were used to. More often than not, people who knew were scared of her. Called her predatory and all sorts of nasty names.
She braced herself for the sound of the door slamming that would signal Meryl walking out of the room. Would she say goodbye before she left, or would she simply leave Milly alone? She brought her legs up, curling into a a ball as a small puddle started to form on the floor beneath her.
Was she going to lose her job over this, too? No one in the city knew what she was, at least she didn't think they did. Everything she had worked so hard for was going to be ruined, all over a stupid towel.
A knock on the bathroom door made her jump.
"Milly?"
She could only whimper miserably in response, the tears flowing harder.
"Did you forget your towel? There were two stacked on the dresser…anyway, I brought you one, can you open the door so I can give it to you?"
Why on earth was Meryl being so kind to her, after what she'd just witnessed? Did she have some kind of ulterior motive?
"Close your eyes," Milly pleaded. "Are they closed?"
"They're closed."
She was going to have to take Meryl's word for it. As much as she didn't want to open the door, being dripping wet was starting to get very uncomfortable. She could assess the situation more properly when she was dry.
Heaving a shuddering breath, she stood and opened the door just a crack. Meryl was there—not closing her eyes, but facing entirely the opposite direction. She held a towel behind her back.
"T-thank you," Milly mumbled as she took the towel and immediately closed the door again.
Still, she couldn't hear the sounds of Meryl packing up and leaving.
Milly wrapped the towel around herself and sat on the edge of the tub. She did feel marginally better now that she was more covered and starting to dry, but even that didn't do much to remove her dismay.
"I'll bring you clean clothes when you're ready," Meryl said through the door. "Do you want pajamas or day clothes?"
"Um…pajamas," she said, staring at her feet.
"Alright. Just let me know when you're ready."
Why wasn't she leaving?
Milly took her time drying her hair and body, but eventually she could put it off no longer.
"Ma'am? I'm ready," she said in a small voice.
"I'm here," Meryl said.
Once more, Milly opened the door and to find Meryl facing away, holding the pile of clothes behind her back. She'd even pulled fresh under-things from Milly's bag. She took them wordlessly, not trusting her voice.
"Come meet me on the bed when you're done," Meryl said. "I'd like to talk about this."
There it was.
"Alright," Milly whispered through the crack in the door. She changed quickly, tucking that unsightly part of herself away with the help of her specially made undergarments. She could have stalled longer, delayed the conversation, but she couldn't take it anymore. Best to just get it over with so she could pick up the pieces and decide what to do next.
When she came out of the bathroom, Meryl gave her a small smile and beckoned her over to where she was sitting on her own bed. She'd taken her shoes off and sat with her legs curled under herself. Milly sat as well, leaving a few feet of space between them. Neither woman said anything, both seemingly looking anywhere but each other.
"I'm sorry—" they both started at the same time. Milly looked over at Meryl, their eyes finally meeting. Meryl's cheeks were pink.
"Wait, what you do you have to be sorry about?" Meryl asked.
"I…" God, she didn't want to say it out loud. "I, well… I exposed myself to you, and besides that I didn't tell you that I'm…I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to deceive you, I just…"
"Milly," Meryl said gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who needs to apologize. I told you I would be gone for a little while, but I turned back because I forgot my billfold. By the time I walked back, I realized I felt too gross to go out in public without a wash. The whole situation is my fault. I should have knocked on the bathroom door or called out to you when I got back." She paused, took a deep breath, and went on. "As for the other part, you weren't deceiving me of anything. I just wish you had been able to tell me yourself, when you were ready, rather than in an accident like this. I'm so sorry about that."
Milly was speechless. Why was Meryl acting like Milly should be the one more hurt by this situation? A thousand questions flooded her mind, but in the end, the one that came out was—
"Why are you still here?"
"I—what?" Meryl said.
"If you want to get your own room, I understand," she pressed on. "And—and if you don't want to work together after this, I understand that too."
"Oh…" Meryl breathed. Her tone was unreadable; was it relief? Something else?
"Just…I know I don't deserve to ask this, but please don't tell anyone at work."
"I'm going to stop you there," Meryl said firmly. "You're making a lot of assumptions about how I feel about all of this. Please listen to me, okay?"
Milly swallowed back the sour taste in her mouth and nodded.
"This doesn't change anything. I don't know what kinds of feelings you think I'm having, but let me be absolutely clear that I still want to be partners. I'd like to keep sharing rooms, too, if you're okay with that." Meryl looked away, paused, and then cleared her throat. "This doesn't change how…how I feel about you."
The words shocked Milly. She'd braced herself for Meryl to react out of fear—disgust, even. Not whatever this was. As she looked closer, she could see that Meryl was now blushing furiously.
How I feel about you.
Why did that make it sound like… But, no. Surely not. People didn't feel those kinds of things for her. The conviction that it could not be true made her bold, made her press the issue.
"And…and how do you feel about me?"
Meryl flushed impossibly deeper as she began to fidget with the hem of her skirt. "I like you, Milly. Quite a lot, in fact."
Milly realized she was holding her breath, and forced herself to exhale as Meryl went on.
"You're so beautiful, both inside and out. Do you know that?" Meryl looked over and met her eye again, smiling. "You have such a gift for making others feel welcome and comfortable. Plus, I love how you can always make me smile, even when I'm grumpy. You're like concentrated sunshine."
Those words were not at all what she had expected to come out of her superior's mouth. She stared at Meryl, not quite able to form words. Meryl—sweet, brave, admirable, beautiful Meryl—had feelings for her?
"And—and even knowing…" Milly started.
Meryl smiled again, but there was a tinge of sadness to it. "Yes. Milly, it doesn't matter to me who you were born as, or what parts you have or don't have. What matters to me is that you're you."
"…Oh," she said, pressing her lips together to keep them from wobbling.
"I understand if you don't feel the same way," Meryl continued, "But I felt it was important that I tell you that. It broke my heart listening to you fret over what you thought might come of this. Whatever happens, or doesn't happen between us, I want you to know that your secret will always be safe with me."
"I—I like you too," Milly choked out as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I have for quite some time. I just never thought that you'd like someone…someone like me," she finished, looking down at her lap and blinking rapidly.
She started when one of Meryl's small hands came to rest on her shoulder. "Milly, I know I don't use my authority often because I don't like to do it, but I'm going to use it now. You're not allowed to be mean to yourself any more today. Not out loud, and not inside of your head either. Alright?"
Milly sniffled. "I'll try."
"Thank you. Now…" She felt Meryl shift closer to her on the bed. "May I kiss you?"
She lifted her head to meet Meryl's gaze. Yes, yes how she wanted Meryl to kiss her. But what if it was a trick, or some kind of cruel prank? No one had ever wanted to kiss her before. But…that counted as being mean to herself, didn't it? She would have to trust that Meryl was being serious.
"Yes," she breathed.
Her stomach fluttered so intensely that it stole her breath as Meryl leaned in and gently kissed her. Her lips were soft and plush and slightly tacky with lip gloss. When they broke away, Milly realized with a start that some of the gloss had transferred to her own lips.
Her first kiss.
There was no one else she would have wanted it to be with.
Meryl squeezed her shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"Am I dreaming?" She murmured.
"I was just wondering that myself," Meryl said with a soft laugh. "Can I kiss you again, just to make sure?"
Milly nodded rapidly, pulling another laugh from Meryl as she scooted closer and pressed their lips together again. One of Meryl’s hands came up to gently cup Milly's cheek, gently stroking it with her thumb as she kissed her a little more deeply than before.
She lost track of time after that. They kissed, and kissed, until all traces of Meryl's lip gloss were gone and she had somehow ended up in Milly's lap, arms thrown around her neck. Milly held Meryl's waist tight, and decided right then that she never wanted to let her go.
She still wasn't convinced that this wasn't all a dream. But, even if it was, it was the sweetest she'd ever had.