Chapter Text
WEDNESDAY’S POV
Just four nights ago I was at the top of Iago Tower. Black abyss poured from the windows. Seeping onto the old wooden planks that were creaking under my boots.
Bolts of hot, neon blue electricity shot through the air. My eyes flickered. The crackling of the lighting stinged in my ears. They were ringing — my ears — but from something else. His screaming. Pure terror. It sent chills down my spine. I froze in horror. I stood as this machine shocked his heart. It was killing him.
I planted my feet on the ground. No. No, don’t. My mind was betraying me. I tried to remember who was lying in front of me. It was a monster. A vicious killer. A Hyde. A Hyde.
But I couldn’t see it. I only saw him. Like I always did. I never saw that monster when I looked at him.
I saw the… revoltingly sweet boy. The one who painted flowers black for me. Bought me special jewelry. Held me when I was upset even though I tried to push him off.
The boy who kissed me. The boy I kissed back.
He was sweet and kind. He thought about everything. Everything. When I was too stressed out, he’d know exactly what to say and do. I missed that version of him. How could anyone hate him?
The axe in my hand suddenly felt heavier. Everything felt heavy. I stepped closer.
My head tilted as I tried to convince myself not to do it. But I couldn’t help it.
His neck snapped to me, jolting his face to look at me. His eyes wide. He stopped screaming. Now he was just groaning at every shock of the machine. “Fuck.” He muttered. “Kill me.” My eyes widened slightly. I hadn’t even thought of that as a possibility. I wouldn’t do that. No. No.
I raised it. Pulled it behind my shoulder. “Wednesday.” He whispered so quietly. Like he wanted it to be his last word.
The wind whipped inside from the broken window. Like a broken promise. It whispered the things we would never say aloud. That's when I made my decision.
Using precision, I threw the axe down. He pulled his head away, too scared to look death in the eye. My eyes flinched as the sound of cracking metal ringed in my ears. I cautiously opened my eyes. Not quite wanting to see what I had done.
“Why?” he said looking at his wrist which was no longer bound to the table. His voice screamed a hundred questions I would never answer.
. . .
“I missed.” I backed up slowly. The corners of his mouth tilted up slowly.
“Wednesday,” he said. This time it wasn't a broken whisper. Or an empty promise. It was a thank you. It said more than I thought one word could. It said this wasn't the last time. It wasn't the end of our story. He nodded slightly. I walked backwards quickly as he flipped over. All his shackles broke in seconds. He grew into the monster I had learned to fear. But I wasn't scared. Because the monster was on my side.
_ _ _
I don't remember the rest of the night. It was a blur. A big sad blur.
♩‘ I dont know what I'm supposed to do, haunted by the ghost of you.’♩
“Enid, turn this goddamn music off.” I groaned. Already feeling the unwanted tears in my eyes.
“Oh! Sorry! That was really insensitive of me.” she said. She changed the disc and lowered the music down. She spun around her desk chair to face me. Enid had insisted that my side of the room was making me more depressed so she forced me to lay in her bed. I didn't fight. I didn't have the energy.
I didn't respond. “How are you feeling?” She asked. I looked at her. The more people asked me that, the more I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.
“Can you grab that bottle of pills on my desk for me?” I said. She gave me a look.
“You took some a few hours ago…”
“Yeah, and now I need more.” I said sternly. “So please.” I added, regretting the choice of tone.
“Okay.” she said while getting up. She walked over and picked up the bottle. She shook it in her palm and handed it to me. I opened the cap and emptied 3 into my hand.
Enid sat back in her chair and looked at me. “How many are you supposed to take?”
“It's fine.”
She had a worried look plastered on her face. “I'm sorry, Wens. For everything. You don't deserve any of this.” I stared at her. If she said anything else I might just break down right here. “Uhm, Im going to go down to the cafeteria and grab something. Do you want anything?”
“Uh, I'm not sure.”
“Okay, if I see anything good then I'll bring it up.” She grabbed her room key and her phone and skipped out the door.
When the door shut I was left with an eerily quiet dorm. Sun poured in the windows, casting warm rays of sunlight to my pale face and blinding my eyes.
I stood up, my legs instantly turning to gelatin the second that I did because it had been awhile since I got up. I went into the drawer of my nightstand, pulling out the small black phone that Tyler had gifted me months ago for detective stuff. It's easier to keep than polaroids. And easier to communicate with. As much as I wanted to throw it out the window.
I opened it slowly, sitting down carefully on my bed. I scrolled all the way back in my photo gallery. There he was. Pictures that he took before he gifted me the phone. A big cheesy smile, sticking his tongue out, making a hand heart with Thing. After a long moment, I heard the door opening and I clicked the phone off.
I placed the phone back on my nightstand and sat on the bed staring at nothing. Enid came over with her small pink bag.
“I got those black and white cookies you like.” She said taking them out and placing them on my leg. I turned my head to see two little cookies in plastic wrap. “Wednesday, come on, let's go out or something. A walk. Anything.”
I looked up at her. Maybe she's right. But I really don't want to. “Wedns? You're scaring me. More than usual.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Ive never seen you like this. So down. You don't leave the dorm, you don't eat, you're less talky than usual.” She paused. “I know, you got a lot on your mind, and I could never ask you to just go back to normal after that. But please, just come on a walk with me. Maybe it will help?”
I nodded my head. “Okay.” I pushed my slip-ons over my socks. I pulled a heavy sweater over my head. Enid was waiting by the door. She was dressed in various neons. She put her phone on the table and we left without it.
“I'm being nature-ous. No phones.”
“‘Nature–ous’ is not a word.”
“Whatever! You know what I mean.” She laughed while crossing the threshold into a cold hallway. Just as she was about to shut the door behind us, she opened it quickly and grabbed her phone off the table and slid it into her pocket with a giggle.
People looked at us as we walked. People always stared at me however. Today wasn't much different.
Today wasn't much different. The same things still happened. The clouds still rolled. The sun still rose up this morning. Birds still chirped. It was oddly sunny despite November rolling around quickly. However, snow was on the forecast.
The world was continuing without him. Without us. Well I suppose, he is out there somewhere. Right? Right.
Enid walked slowly, she talked quietly and slowly but still saying a lot. Her words just echoed in my head. I caught a few things there and there. Like Raina’s new colored hair that looks pretty bad. The teal turned to a yellow-green in about two weeks. And some relationships that are starting…or finishing. But for the most part, I just watched.
It was bright outside, I hadn't seen the blinding sun in days. It was warm and bright. The sun was hot obviously but snow was expected very soon. The leaves were all shades of gorgeous oranges and reds. Wind whipped the trees and the sweet song of the leaves sung around me. It was a beautiful day.
Just as the wind sang to me, everything changed. Just for a second in my mind I saw it. The night. The wind was so strong that it flew through the broken window. Shatter, Swing, Slice. Bam. Metal cracking. His screaming.
Then I was back. “Wedns…?” I looked up. “You okay?”
“Yeah sorry. I…zoned out.”
“Okay, do you want to head inside?”
“Mhm.” We turned around and walked in conveniently through the door that led into the science wing. I took one last deep breath of the air.
It was a longer walk inside. As we went through, passing empty classrooms. The windows filling the room with cold brightness.
“Wednesday! It's snowing!”
“We just missed it, I guess.”
“Yeah,” she paused. “While we are out, do you wanna get hot chocolate? Or coffee?”
“Sure,” I said. I knew if I had said no then she would have gotten sad. And adding a little more onto our walk couldn't hurt.
I felt sick all the sudden, words tasted sour in my mouth. My eyes ached and tugged like wanting to close. Maybe coffee would help. I wondered if maybe Enid had been right, maybe I shouldn't have taken so many of those pills. My limbs felt extra heavy. I dragged my feet and my arms stayed cross on my chest because it felt like if I put them down they may fall off.
What has been happening to me lately?
I wasn't sick, this love, the love for that idiotic teenage boy was making me sick to my stomach. I was taking extra pills, sleeping all day, spending my hours not even doing anything productive just staring at the ceiling. Love is weakness.
A curse. Like casting a spell. He had cast this horrid spell that would haunt me forever. The idiot died. He loved me, forced me to fall in love with him. These stupid emotions. And then he – most likely – died. He loved me and then left.
I kept trying to push the thoughts away. I wanted to smack my head over and over until they left.
Nothing worked. Eventually, as we crossed along the quad to get the good coffee. Enid chattered about how the cold was worth it. The freezing air left my mind a cold fog. I could feel nothing at my fingertips. It felt so good, so distracting.
Enid ordered some insane sugary mess of a drink.
“Uhm, coffee, black. …Extra hot.” I said slowly, my voice hoarse and dry. The guy nodded and headed over somewhere in his truck.
Snow fell against Enid. She shivered while holding her arms close to her. “So…cold.” The snow had started to stick. Clinging to my boots and falling softly against my hair. It felt so good. It was pure unforgiving icyness. I was surprised the weather had changed so quickly.
I looked around and saw people whispering and muttering to themselves. I thought to myself that it must just be the new drama or whatever. It wasn't important. One small detail I had missed the first time I looked around though, I looked up again. They were looking at us. Like staring. At their phones, then back at us.
“Enid, do you notice that?”
“Notice what?” she said, snapping her head around.
“They are gossiping.”
“So?” She shook her head.
“They are looking at us…” I said flatly. She get the chance to reply before the guy came back up to the window.
I took the paper cup. It was hot in my fingertips. My stomach growled. I pulled the plastic lid to my lips. Before I even took a sip I could feel the steam on my face. We started walking back. I braced myself for pain. The liquid was hot. It burned against my chattering teeth. I took in all the pain for myself for just a second before swallowing it. The burning bitter coffee slid down my throat. Scorching the inside and sliding into my empty stomach. It sat there. Burning from the inside.Eventually it went away.
It felt so good. So fucking good. I let it burn, clawing at me. I kept drinking. After the fourth or fifth sip it was cool enough to not burn. It hurt a lot. But it hurt in a good way. Good pain. I just needed to feel something. To have a real problem, something else to focus on. Whether that was freezing cold air or steaming hot coffee. It just felt real, genuine.
– – –
The whispers continued through the halls. Glances and some people even giving us looks of sorrow.
“I wonder what happened…? I'm scared. I hope it's not something bad.”
“Its always something bad.” I responded while looking around at kids who gave me sympathy looks.
DING! Enid’s phone buzzed.
-
YOKO: Yo E, have you seen it yet…?
ENID: Seen what? I’m out right now.
YOKO: Oh, man. Turn on your TV when you get home. Put the news on.
ENID: Shit, I’m scared Yoko.
YOKO: Give my condolences to Wedns, Dude.
-
“Oh shit. Wednesday, whatever this is, has got to be bad.”
“Knew it.” I said slowly. By the time Enid slid the phone back in her pocket we already made it to the door.
I clicked it open and the cold air of the room hit me quickly. The window was open from before the snow started.
I placed my coffee on the table and quickly walked over to close it. I slide my shoes off. Enid was already grabbing the remote off her desk.
The TV clicked on and the news channel went on straight away.
“‘Teenage Hyde’ Tyler Galpin had been officially presumed dead. After a search of Jericho, it’s uncertain if he is alive or not. But they can say he is dead or has fled. Blood found along trees and bushes in the secluded north side of the forest has suggested his supposed death. In uncertainty, Jericho county police office will be holding a memorial ceremony in honor, on December 15th. At 2pm. That’s all for the 4 o’ clock news, I’m your host Jennifer Walker…On another note, a sudden storm is heading north towards Vermont. A mix of heavy snow and rain is expected for the next week or so. Stay online for further infor-…”
I fell onto the bed and sat down. Enid stood there, frozen. The rest of the world just stopped. My mind froze. My ears rung in the familiar note that it always did. My head buzzed. My heart pounded, I could feel it in my brain.
I had guessed it, days ago. But now, it was finally setting in.
The worst part however, is I would never know for sure. If he was alive. I was going to live the rest of my life always wondering if he would come back. If he would knock on my door, if he would beg for me to help him. Say he got himself together.
Or if his body was rotting in a ditch somewhere. Until he was bones. Just a rotting skeleton. If the birds would eat him. Use his golden hair for a nest. Peck at his skin until there was nothing left.
The thought of that possibility — that was more likely then the first — made me sick to my stomach.
I walked calmly over to the bathroom, feeling the hot bile rising in my throat. Fuck.
Stay calm Wednesday.
I kneeled over the toilet, there wasn’t much to throw up but I did anyway.
Enid came over. She rubbed my back as I flushed the toilet and stood up.
“Wednesday, I’m so sorry.” Enid said.
“It’s fine. I figured he was dead anyway.” I tried to say. I didn’t need to be sappy on top of all of this. “I hate him.”
She gave me a puzzled look. I walked out of the bathroom and she followed me.
“How could he do that?” I yelled. “How could he leave me?” I said sitting on the bed feeling myself get dizzier as the seconds passed by. “He died. He- forced me to fall in love with him and then died.”
“Wedn-.”
“Oh my fucking god.” Everything was hitting me at once. Like a fucking truck. I was feeling these emotions that I had never felt before.
In our family, grief is celebrated. It’s seen as destiny. But him, it wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to die before we had our ending.
He had more time. He should have had more time.
“I need to lay down.” I said.
“Okay. That’s good. Good ideas.” She rambled. Her hands shook as she unmade the bed. “Here. Lay down.”
I got up slowly. “Thank you.” I said quietly. She was doing so much but I couldn’t even think.
It was like the snow storm outside was also in my head, making my mind a cloudy fog of nothingness.
Words were hitting me like jabs in the head.
‘memorial’, ’supposed’, ’secluded forest’, ’death’
Thinking of him — bleeding out in a forest in a far north corner of Jericho — absolutely broke my heart.
Enid sat on the edge of the bed. “Are you okay, do you want to talk about it? What’s on your mind…?”
I shook my head.
“It might help..?”
“Okay, I guess. I mean. Enid. He was all alone up there. In that forest, bleeding out. With no one. Alone Enid. How scary do you think that is? I wasn’t there. I should have gotten up, got off my ass and went out to look for him. But I didn’t. I let him run.”
I paused, wiping tears off my cheeks that I don’t know were there.
“I can’t help but think it’s my fault.” The crying got worse. “He died alone. A murderer, a killer, a monster. Knowing everyone hated him.”
“Oh Wednesday.” Enid said, her face covered in tears from my words, she jumped onto me. Her hand rested on the back of my head. She hugged me tightly. I put a soft hand on her back. I gripped harder while we cried together.
“He wasn’t bad.” I said, she pulled away to look me in the face. “He had a disease, a horrible horrible monstrous disease that turned him into something he wasn’t. They didn’t know him, like I did.”
“I know, baby. I know.” She said nodding, she brushed the messy bangs from my face. “Wednesday, I’m so so so sorry. I wish I could do more.”
I nodded while I just cried. There was no holding back. Once I let go, that was it.
Everything I had built and known had crumbled before me. I had nothing left but emptiness.
Once I finally stopped crying, Enid wiped the tears off my cheek and stood up.
“No classes this week. No way.” She picked up her phone and started rambling to the staff member about mental instability and such. And how I needed closer care and she would do it. And the week or two off should be counted as excused considering the circumstances.
I stood up and went to Enid’s cassette and cd player. I went through the stack of recent ones she was playing this morning.
I heard Enid having a strongly worded conversation with whoever was on the phone.
I saw a cassette with a familiar name. The Night We Met. I knew exactly what song it was. I needed a distraction, I needed to feel something.
Open, slide, click.
♩‘Oooo Oooo Oooo’♩
I walked back over to the bed while Enid shut off her phone with a huff and went into the bathroom to change and do her routine. The song played for awhile. The lyrics devastated me with its accuracy.
♩‘I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
. . .
When the night was full of terrors
And your eyes were filled with tears
When you had not touched me yet
Oh, take me back to the night we met’♩
“Jesus Christ.” I said, the song looped and I shut my eyes. I heard the click of every light until my eyelids were pitch dark.
After three times Enid got out of bed and shut the music off.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I’m haunted by the ghost of him.
His sweet caring forgiving soul. His ghost.
I wish I was a ghost. The relatives tell me that it’s a particularly empty feeling — being a ghost — must feel pretty good.
I’ve felt like a ghost all my life. Skimming through glass icy water without a trace. Floating, daydreaming through life. But when he came, I felt so seen, so special with him. He was the missing piece of my life.
I wish I hadn’t spent so much time repenting him. Trying to shoo him away. I never thought I was good enough for that stuff. But he didn’t care. I wish I spent more time with him.
If I could do it all over again I would. I’d choose the right things. I know what to do now.
Sleep hit me hard. I accepted it, for the first time in days I slept good. Finally reaching the brink of my insomnia.