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There was a specific point when Hayden had to ask himself if Shane Hollander was a virgin (he knew he could never ask Shane this though). It might seem an absurd thought, but Hayden hardly thought it was anymore. Shane was incapable of holding a conversation with most people, much less with most women. While that hardly scared them off, that didn’t mean Shane wasn’t easily scared himself. He pulled away from touch quickly, and struggled with eye contact, and every date Hayden ever set him up with just ‘wasn’t the right fit’.
Sure, there was Boston Lily, but Hayden never had any proof that they actually were anything beyond friends. Yes, Shane was squirrelly about her, but he was also squirrelly about his parents, and his favorite shirt, and what type of ginger ale he was drinking, and his favorite movie.
So really, there was no proof Shane had ever had sex before, and Hayden was totally and completely cool with that. It was clear Shane could have sex with many interested women, but Shane didn’t want to have sex if his behavior was any indicator. It had led Hayden into a small spiral and a lesson with Jackie on something called ‘asexuality’. Hayden was completely fine with that, but maybe he just wanted Shane to admit it to him a little bit.
Hayden wasn’t trying to make this about him. He really wasn’t, but Shane knew everything about him, and it would be nice if Hayden knew the same about Shane. So yes, Hayden wanted Shane to admit it, but if Shane stuttering through sex talk in the locker room and attempted hidden avoidance toward clearly interested women was any sign he wasn’t ever going to without a push.
They were playing Boston tomorrow, and if Shane was like clockwork, which he was, he would leave soon after unpacking and staring himself in the mirror for several moments too long.
“I am going to go out,” Shane had his key in one hand, his phone in his other, standing stiffly, awkwardly. Like he was about to do something he thought was wrong.
“To see Lily?” he meant it as an honest question, because sure, maybe they weren’t romantic, but just friends, and that was cool. Shane needed more friends, and maybe they were romantic and not sexual, and that was cool too, because Shane deserved someone who loved and understood him.
“No,” Shane answered too quickly, looking scared, caught off guard as if Hayden knowing that very name was going to send him into a spiral.
“You don’t have to pretend,” Hayden tried to explain, “Like whatever you are is fine. You don't have to lie to me to seem cool or hide it from me because you are scared I won’t be cool about it.”
“What?” Maybe Hayden wasn’t the best at phrasing things because he was definitely talking in a circle.
“I know,” Hayden settled on, and Shane looked like he was going to puke, “and I don’t care,” Hayden clarified, “I think it’s really cool. I mean… it's not for me, obviously with Jackie and—”
“Your thousand kids?” Shane offered.
“Fuck off, but yeah,” Hayden laughed, “I think it's really cool that you know yourself like that, and I just want you to be comfortable with me. Just because we are different, like, doesn’t mean it's a big deal. I know I tell you everything about my life, but like I hope it doesn’t gross you out or anything—”
“It doesn’t.”
“Nothing you could tell me would gross or weird me out either,” Hayden said, because he read that sometimes people feel like they are missing something or taught to feel that way when they are asexual. Maybe it wasn't worded the best, but he wasn’t a great word guy, he was a hockey guy.
“Okay,” Shane nodded, “I am going to go now.”
“Tell Lily I say hi.”
“Sure,” Shane walked out quickly, but Hayden didn’t expect anything less. Shane was an anxious guy, and Hayden… well, Hayden just thought he might be a pretty good friend. He was definitely patting himself on the back tonight… and masturbating.
.
The next two weeks continued as if mostly nothing had happened. And even the stressed paranoid look on Shane’s face eventually vanished as if truly nothing had happened between the two, and it was great. Hayden had stopped trying to set him up on dates, and Shane had stopped forcing himself to talk about women in the locker room when J.J. brought it up, even letting Hayden steer the conversation away from him with grateful eyes.
Hayden really was going to let that be it. He was going to be a good friend and not ask questions, but Lily just kept texting. Shane was over for dinner and then drinks (beer for Hayden and ginger ale for Shane), and now a movie that Shane was hardly watching because Lily hadn’t stopped texting him for even a second in the last hour, and Shane had answered all of them with a too-telling smile.
“Is that Lily?”
Shane looked up once more with those perpetual large and watery eyes, before he breathed out deeply, trying to calm himself, “yeah.”
“Are you guys like friends or…” Hayden wasn’t really sure if there was like a special term for it… like companions or something.
“Or,” Shane settled on.
“Cool,” Hayden was happy to see Shane happy as his phone buzzed again and he stared down at his screen a second before slamming it onto the couch face down with a quickly rising blush. He had no poker face, but what could Lily have sent to get such a reaction? The only thing Hayden knows that would get a reaction like that in public is if Jackie sent him… oh, but, “But—” Hayden wasn’t sure how to phrase it, “Lily is supportive, right?”
“Yeah,” Shane looked real confused now.
“I mean, you aren’t like being pressured?”
“I am a grown man,” Shane’s face twisted, confused.
“Right,” Hayden nodded, “You really like Lily?”
Shane nodded.
“I just want to make sure she’s respecting you.”
The question seemed to confuse Shane more before he settled on a quiet, “Yeah, he is.”
Hayden didn’t realize it right away; in fact, he didn’t realize it until hours later when Shane had left, that Shane had, in fact, said ‘he’.
“Shit! Is Shane gay?”
Hayden sat up turning to wake Jackie, who grumbled into her pillow for him to “Shut up.”
.
The realization in the morning was that Shane might be gay, and he might or might not still be a virgin. Hayden was not entirely ready to give up on that theory. So Lily was a man, which didn’t necessarily prove anything, and that surely didn’t prove Hayden wrong, right? Hayden pulled out his phone quickly, just confirming… something:
Can someone be gay and asexual? Yes… so Hayden might still be right. Shane being gay and having sex just didn’t seem all that realistic. So Lily was a guy, maybe, probably. That was fine, Hayden could totally deal with that.
.
Shane was in the shower, and this was a gross violation of his privacy, but it wasn’t like Hayden was planning to go through his phone, only that it had been buzzing sporadically on the bedside table for twenty minutes now. Hayden really was just going to silence it; he couldn’t help that the messages were sitting right there on Shane’s lock screen.
Curiosity killed the cat and confirmed Shane’s sexuality:
Lily: I saw your game
Lily: Very sexy how you skated circles around prehistoric man
Lily: I was hard watching you
Lily: I miss you <3
Lily: My penis misses you too ;)
Lily: Hello?
Lily: You are making him cry :(
Lily: You are so mean.
Lily: Is this your new way of telling me to fuck off?
Lily: You just ignore me now?
So Lily was definitely a man, but that didn’t disprove his theory if Lily expected Shane to tell him to ‘fuck off’ was anything to go by. But Hayden waited until celebrating for Shane to come back out with still wet hair, now in his pajamas, picking up his phone and opening the text only to laugh, typing out something short, and putting his phone back down, grabbing his new hockey book instead.
So Lily was definitely a man, and Shane didn’t seem all that interested in the penis part of him. Score Hayden Pike once again!
.
“Going to see Lily?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you…” How did Hayden ask this, “Is it like a date?”
Shane blushed hard, before a goofy smile fell over his face, “He’s making me dinner.”
“Cool,” see that wasn’t necessarily sexual, if anything, that was just romantic. The outfit Shane had on was hardly sexy either, so it was clearly more than just a hookup, and really, there was no way Shane did hookups. He did dates, he did dates with Lily, who was his male romantic companion. Hayden knew this because Hayden was a great friend and knew his best friend and could read him like a book.
.
Shane was helping Hayden with dad duty as the twins ran around the zoo, never having their attention focused for more than a few moments, before rushing off to the next animal. Hopefully, the lizard exhibit they just ran into would keep them busy for more than five minutes.
“Do you want to talk about Lily?” Okay, maybe Hayden wanted to talk to Lily, but he knew better than to ask such a thing outright. Shane just stared on at him, “We don’t have to… I just mean you know everything about Jackie and I. You were there when we met, but if it’s like private—”
“No,” Shane interrupted, something so unlike him, “I— Lily is great.”
“How long have you guys been together?”
“Since the summer before o—my rookie season.”
“Shit,” Hayden whistled, “I mean, I knew it was a long time, but I didn’t realize…”
“Yeah.”
“What’s he like?”
“An asshole.”
Hayden couldn’t help the startled laughter, “Swear jar.”
“I didn’t marry Jackie,” Shane argued.
“Yeah, but if you want to have ginger ale in our fridge and bird food on your plate, you will contribute.”
Shane smiled, turning to stare down a rhino, “He’s great.”
“Wow, sounds dreamy.”
“Shut up,” Shane was blushing, “He makes me food, and sends me books he knows I will like when we are apart, keeps the soap I like at his place even though I know he hates the smell of it.”
“He sounds perfect,” Hayden sighed dramatically.
“No,” Shane groaned, “He’s a total slob. Can’t put his dirty clothes in the hamper to save his life.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“I find ways to get him to clean up.”
“What your captain voice works on Lily, too?”
Shane blushed again, “Something like that.” That seemed to imply… but no, that had to be all wrong, because everything pointed to the opposite. Shane probably just revoked hand-holding privileges until the place was clean or refused to cuddle until Lily made his bed in the morning.
That seemed like a very Shane thing to do… it would kind of be like dating your mom, but some guys probably found that hot… Lily obviously did or found it endearing. Could asexual people still be called hot if they didn’t do sex? Hayden wasn’t enough of an ally to be sure (that was a frightening thought)… he would have to do more research.
“He’s a good chef?”
“Yeah,” Shane smiled something small and far too private, “everything he makes tastes great.”
“I’m surprised he can make anything you’re allowed to eat taste good.”
“No,” Shane looked away a moment, “he makes other stuff too.”
“Wow,” Hayden actually was surprised, “it is serious if you are willing to give up your diet for him.”
“Shut up.”
“Come on, you’ve never done that for me. You don't like me enough?”
“I hate you.”
.
Hayden Pike, for once, wasn’t actually snooping (okay maybe he was), but he was genuinely concerned, Shane had said he was going to meet with Lily, and his phone’s location was still in the hotel. In fact, it was two floors down on the same level as the Boston Raiders. Hayden was sure one of them must have snatched it from Shane or, if he dared allow them to be moral, had found the lost phone and was trying to find its owner.
It was one of those weeks when Boston had a game against the Admiral then the next night the Admirals had a game against the Metros. It was rare for teams to have back-to-back day games, but not unheard of and now two teams that didn’t like each other were shoved into a hotel together. Which meant Hayden had to find Shane’s phone while Shane got to live it up with his boyfriend (he had looked it up, boyfriend was the right term, not companion).
The phone’s location had brought him to an inconspicuous hotel room, but then again none of the rooms looked particularly suspicious on the outside. Hayden knocked, no answer. He tried the knob… it was unlocked. Hotel doors usually auto-lock; one had to purposely make sure it was unlocked. It was probably a bad idea, but the phone was there, and maybe Hayden could grab it while the room’s owner was out, and they would never know Hayden had been here. So Hayden opened the door and walked in slowly, quietly. It was a nice room, big like his and Shane’s, with a little sitting room in the entryway and the room’s beds hidden behind the tv installed on the privacy wall between the bedroom and the sitting area.
Shane’s phone was there, on the couch… on top of a pile of his folded clothes and next to abandoned clothing strewn across the floor. There were two notably voices, with panting breathes and whispered words…. They were both masculine voices. There was no way, there had to be a different explanation, but Hayden knew that sound.
Against his better judgement Hayden wandered towards it. he really shouldn’t have, Lily was a man, and Shane’s clothes was folded so he must be naked, but this was a Boston Bear’s player’s hotel room and it just had to be a misunderstanding. There had to be more to it. There had to be an explanation that made any sense at all.
Hayden knew he was going to regret this… he did.
“What the fuck…” it wasn’t shouted or scared or angry, but a tired resigned sound that slipped out of him which Hayden really wished hadn’t because he could have just turned around and walked out. He really should have done that earlier, he should have just minded his own business.
The two froze, on top of each other, naked. God, Shane was on the bottom, that was way more information than Hayden ever needed to know about his friend. They jumped apart, then realizing their own nudity and rushing back to cover themselves with the bed sheets. It was during the absurdity of it all that Hayden actually saw the guy, saw “Lily?”
“…Yes.” Well, it was nice to clear that up as Rozanov stared him down, nervous, hesitate in the way Hayden had never seen the man look before. In a way he never knew the man was capable of looking.
“Hayden,” finally Shane gave him something to focus on outside of the purpling bruises on Rozanov’s throat, “you can’t tell anyone.”
“Yeah, no, I get that,” because he’s in shock not stupid.
“I’m serious no one can—”
“I know,” Hayden sighed, “just… him? really?”
“You would rather he date bad hockey player like you?” Rozanov asked, “Would have more to talk with him about then, yes?”
“Shut up,” Hayden snapped.
“I love him,” Shane interrupted.
“Ohh,” Hayden knew that. He knew Shane loved Lily even if Shane never said it outright, he just never realized that meant Shane loved Rozanov or that Rozanov was capable of looking back at Shane with a love sick expression. It was absurd, there was little about it that made sense and yet who else could Shane ever fall in love with other than someone as taken and obsessed with hockey as him. It made sense, well… it almost did, “But you guys have sex with each other?”
“What?”
“Yes…” Rozanov answered.
“You’re not asexual?”
“What?”
“Ughhhh!” How could he be so wrong? “Fine, okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay,” Hayden was a good friend so, “congrats,” because Shane lost his virginity and apparently wanted to, so good job for him. “I am going to go now.”
“Please,” Rozanov shooed.
“You won’t tell anyone—”
“Obviously dude, I’m not a dick,” Hayden sighed, “Have fun.”
“Thank you….”
“Canadians,” Rozanov huffed falling back against his pillow as Hayden quickly left, to bleach his eyes and brain of the image of Rozanov’s naked body.
And wow… how could Hayden have been so wrong?
…
Wait…
Some asexual people still had sex (he had definitely read that somewhere), so Hayden might still be right!
Hayden walked past Marleau, checking him as Marleau grunted his clear annoyance, but didn’t say anything. Hayden was going to keep walking, but he looked back to see Marleau’s knock on Rozanov’s door before his hand reached for the knob.
“You don’t want to go in there.”
“What?”
“Just trust me, man.”
Marleau glared Hayden down as his hand hesitated, before pulling out his phone and texting someone, probably Rozanov, waiting out in the hallway leaning against the wall next to the door.
“You’re welcome!” Hayden called out as he continued once more on his way.
“Fuck off.”
Hayden really was a great friend.