Work Text:
Nico Robin smiled as her boyfriend kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks Miss Robin!" Franky called out behind him as he turned and skedaddled out the door. Usopp was waving as the two followed the distant sound of Luffy's laughter towards the car. The three men were headed out to a "boys night", aka they went to play mini golf and got gelato. Also it was the middle of the day. Robin beamed after them, and once the car was out of sight, she let out a relaxed sigh and shut the door to her small cottage. Superman, Franky's husky, was currently chasing a ball around the living room, rolling around on the floor, as Tini, Usopp's parakeet, whistled Happy by Pharrell Williams.
"Alright," she murmured to herself. "I just have to watch the pets for a few hours. Not hard at all, especially after all of those novels I've read on animal maintenance. At 2:30 on the dot I have to clean Tini's cage and feed him; that's the most important part. Besides that since Superman's just eaten I need to play with him constantly and take him outside to use the restroom every hour. It's noon now, so time to play!!"
She waved Superman over, throwing him his tennis ball across the living room so he could fetch. Eventually they migrated to the fenced-in backyard so that Superman had more space. Robin set Tini's cage on the porch, double and even triple checking that it was locked. After about an hour of Superman running back and forth, he began to grow tired, so Robin brought him inside after he peed and gave him a small bone to gnaw on. She put on some ABBA for Tini to dance along to, and after making herself some cucumber sandwiches, collapsed into her lounge chair and cracked open a new romance novel.
Nose deep in the intriguing gay duology, an hour flew by in no time and Superman began to become restless again once she had finished. The ABBA had long ended and now Hamilton was on shuffle- luckily, Tini begin the genius he was, had already caught on to the rap and was surprisingly keeping in time with Lin Manuel Miranda, so Robin let them be.
She took Superman out to the bathroom again and played tug-of-war with his colorful rope; Superman was immensely strong and won every time. At last 2:30 arrived. Robin locked Superman in his pen, letting Tini run free in the living room once all the doors were shut. She gave his cage a thorough deep-clean, and gave him some seeds, pellets, and tangerine slices. After shutting the door of his cage, she let Superman free again. The boys would be home in around fifteen minutes, and Robin was excited to show them how responsible she was with animals. Maybe then Franky would consent to getting that horse she had always wanted... the sturdy hooves of a mustang... its thick, golden mane whipping in the wind... the dreamy-
All of a sudden, there was a sharp snapping noise, lurching Robin from her daydream. She frowned. Had Superman gotten ahold of a pencil or something? But no, this snap sounded thicker...
She turned around and. her heart. nearly stopped.
For in front of her stood a crazed husky and a twitching parakeet.
Wait, nevermind.
The parakeet stopped moving.
His wing fell to the floor, a heap of feathers.
His body bent in half, like an L.
His colors already appeared dull.
The blood drained from Robin's face as she watched Superman tear apart Tini's tiny morsel.
"Ohhh, shit."
It took a lot of stern talking and latex gloves, but Robin managed to dump the last of the bloody mess in a plastic bag just as Franky's car pulled into the driveway. Luffy had already been dropped off (he had a jiu-jitsu competition early the next morning), so to conclude their "boys night", Usopp was supposed to stay the night for a "manly sleepover", whatever the hell that meant.
Robin sighed, collecting herself. The horse would have to wait for another life.
The door swung open, and Superman innocently rushed over to Franky, panting and tail wagging.
Next Usopp excitedly looked around, face falling as he didn't spot his parakeet. "Uhhh... Robin? Where's Tini?" he asked, slightly concerned.
"Er- right. About that. Superman sort of... ate him."
Usopp's jaw dropped.
Franky's jaw dropped.
Robin stood in the corner, teeming with guilt, ignoring Superman as the husky tried to get more attention.
Franky swiveled to Superman. "BRO! That was SO not super!!"
Usopp sank to the floor in anguish. "NOOOOOO TINI!!"
Robin watched as Franky and Usopp both turned to her. She bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut and waiting for the worst of it. Yet none came. She blinked open one eye to see them both staring at her still with mouths wide open. "Um... you guys?"
Franky began, "You?? Irresponsible?? That's like... impossible."
Usopp added, "Yeah, we're just in shock that you of all people would've let this happen."
Robin blinked. "You're not mad?"
The two boys stared at each other for a split second before bursting out laughing. Robin stood awkwardly in the corner, extremely confused but sort of chuckling- what, their laugh was infectious!
"It's just so unexpected that thus would happen," Franky managed to choke out, wiping a tear from his eye.
"Yeah, I can easily get another parakeet, I've only had Tini for a few days anyway, not enough time yet to form an emotional bond."
Robin sank to the floor in relief. "Goodness gracious... I was so worried... thank God..."
Superman licked his lips and Franky bent down to sniff the husky, wrinkling his nose and recoiling. "Okay but this dude seriously needs a bath. Robin?"
Robin nodded firmly and motioned for Superman to follow her to the bathroom, clicking her tongue.
And thus the boys night commenced.