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I.
It started with a text from Nicky; or more specially a picture.
Andrew checked it preparing for it to be something stupid, like a stray cat he'll will pretend to not care about. He never answers and Nicky never expects him to. Andrew still has to check anyway on the off chance that something did happen and for some reason Nicky sent him a picture of it instead of just calling.
When he opens his phone he doesn't find a cat, instead he finds a blurry picture of Neil tucked in a ball and deeply asleep on Matt Boyd's shoulder. The picture itself is nothing even if Andrew catalogues it to memory as soon as he sees it and saves it to his phone. He wouldn't admit that to anyone though and if no one knows then it doesn't mean anything. Either way, it's beside the point. Neil seems fine with Boyd, and Andrew doesn't get the automatic feeling that something is wrong that's very commonly found when dealing with Neil. It has nothing to do with the picture at all really.
Neil thinks he's hiding it, but despite how much of a liar he is he's not very good at it; at least when it comes to this. Andrew knows Neil isn't sleeping. he's known he hasn't been sleeping for weeks. Neil doesn't toss and turn, he barely even moves at all and they haven't been sharing a bed these last few weeks so it's hard to tell. Neil hasn't asked so he hasn't either, but Andrew knows why he's been avoiding it. He can't hide how badly he's been sleeping if he's only a few inches away from Andrew the bed isn't big enough not to be right up against each other. Andrew can still tell though. He's restless and his under eye circles are growing bigger every single day. He's quiet too, like he's using too much energy to just exist and he doesn't have anymore to use on unnecessary things. Plus, he's been sneaking out of bed earlier and earlier to go on runs and it's getting ridiculous.
So really, it's a good thing that he's managed to get some sleep. It's one of the upperclassman's movie nights, and Neil couldn't convince Andrew to join. It's one of the best places to catch up on sleep especially if Nicky is the one handling the movie, but no matter how much Neil trusts Boyd the chances of him waking up from someone yelling is high and even Boyd won't be able to prevent the panic that'll set in. Maybe if Neil was actually sleeping it wouldn't be that big of a thing, but Neil isn't sleeping for a reason and Andrew doesn't trust that reason to not end with someone getting punched. Not that Andrew would mind if one of the upperclassman got roughed up a little, but it would mean Neil would have to deal with the fallout.
With a sigh, Andrew turns off their dorm room TV and walks over to the other dorm. He can hear excited chatter the closer he gets and he's already regretting his decision, but it's too late once he's through the door. Nicky spots him before the door is open all the way.
"Andrew!" Nicky calls out, "If all I had to do was send you a picture of Neil to get you to show up I would've done it an hour ago!"
Andrew cuts him a glare, before looking over at Neil. He's exactly where he was in the photo, his hood is pulled over so he can't see his face it's just a mess of red hair. He can see that his hands are balled up into fists though, and he's tense even while his head lays on Boyd's shoulder. Whatever sleep he's managed to catch he's clearly had to claw for. That's to suggest it was on purpose though, and Andrew doubts Neil would purposefully fall asleep in this mess of a room.
Without a word Andrew sits on one of the bean bags beside the couch. He doesn't bother to even pretend he's interested in the movie. Distantly he hears Nicky coo but he doesn't bother to give him another glare. He folds his arms and waits. He watches every time Neil tenses his fists tighter and slowly moves his head. He's not awake, but he's close enough that proves he's not actually in as deep of a sleep as the rest of them think he is considering how loudly they're all still talking.
Andrew knows the moment Neil is awake, he sees the barely noticeable intake of breath and tensing of his shoulders. It takes him a few minutes to settle down and take stock of the world around him and Andrew makes no movements to help; drawing attention towards him will do nothing but make things worse. Eventually Neil becomes aware enough that he opens his eyes; they're bleary and still covered with sleep Andrew might be surprised that he was awake if he didn't know him. He moves to clear the sleep from his eyes, but it does very little and he mumbles, "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."
"You're alright, buddy," Matt reassures him with a smile, as he ruffles his hair, "You looked like you needed it."
Neil hums absentmindedly, his mind still fall away. Andrew's considered nightmares being the reason for the rabbit's lack of sleep, but he knows how to watch out for it. Neil hasn't been extra flighty recently, he's just been bone-deep tired. There has to be some kind of explanation, and Andrew will figure it out.
It's another minute before Neil looks around and finds Andrew already staring at him, his eyes widen a fraction a smile takes over his face.
"Stop looking at me like that," Andrew calls out to him, not caring about the others in the room.
Neil only smiles wider, "I thought you weren't coming."
Andrew does one more pass over him with his eyes and when he decides he looks alright enough he stands and leaves without answering the goodbyes (well goodbye Nicky is the only one calling out to him) sent his way. Neil doesn't follow him right away, and Andrew doesn't expect him to. When Neil comes back to the room he's fidgeting and settles on the couch, giving a gentle, "yes or no," before placing his feet on Andrew's lap. He doesn't fall asleep and when they retire to their separate beds Andrew can almost hear that Neil's eyes are still open, but Andrew doesn't say anything.
Not yet.
II.
The pictures become a regular thing.
Nicky sends pictures to Andrew of Neil asleep at every movie night that follows, and pictures of Neil asleep at his desk in the dorm. The group chat becomes a mess of photos that Neil always ignores; whether he doesn't see them or refuses to acknowledge them is a bet Andrew is sure the foxes have taken up. There's pictures of Neil asleep while studying in the library with Boyd. Neil asleep in Reynolds bed still propped up against the wall like they were just in the middle of a conversation when he dozed off. Neil asleep watching Exy while Kevin's borrowed laptop almost slips from his lap.
Andrew knows in all these photos Neil can't be asleep for longer than fifteen minutes considering he still looks like the walking dead every day. His eyes have a permanent haze around them and when it gets late enough he gets so unsteady on his feet it seems like he'll collapse before he manages to catch himself. Despite being in bed all night every night he isn't sleeping when he's supposed to. It's starting to become a problem. A problem that unfortunately, like all of Neil's problems, becomes Andrew's to deal with.
The most recent photo comes mid-day on a Thursday right after Andrew's last class for the day. It's still early, around lunch time and his phone buzzes in his pocket as he's walking across campus back to the dorms. It's a message from Wilds, a picture of Neil asleep at the dining hall, his head resting between his crossed-arms on the table.
Andrew only looks at it for a few seconds before he sighs and changes direction. He's only a few minutes away from the dining hall and he needs to talk to Neil anyway. Maybe convince him to skip his next class so he can actually sleep more than ten minutes on an uncomfortable table. When he gets there he pays the price to eat even though he's not planning on having a single bite of any of the food in there and looks around. It's easy enough to spot Boyd in one of the corners. Neil is sitting right beside him, his head still down as he breathes steadily.
Andrew pulls up the chair right across from him and Wilds jumps beside him before shaking her head, "How did you get here so fast?"
Andrew shrugs, glancing over at Neil again. He has a plate full of food beside him, it looks like he took approximately two bites before giving up and giving up to sleep.
"You can leave," Andrew tells the other two who send him confused looks.
"You—" Boyd tries to argue but Andrew puts up a hand to silence him.
"I need to talk to Neil," Andrew tells him, "You can leave."
Boyd gives him a pleading look, "Don't wake him up." Maybe Andrew isn't the only one who's noticed the junkie's new bad habit.
Andrew shakes his head, "I'm not going to wake him up."
Wilds looks at him for a few moments as if to test out if he's lying. Either she decides he's not or decides it's too much of a fight to argue with him cause she gives Boyd a look before sighing and stands; careful to not scrape her chair against the floor. "Tell him to text us."
Andrew gives her no confirmation that he will and only looks back at Neil. He doesn't look to see where the couple goes, annoyingly they probably only moves a couple tables away so they can watch him as if Andrew isn't here to make sure Neil actually sleeps properly.
Unsurprisingly Neil doesn't take very long to stir, but he takes longer to find his surroundings especially without a familiar physical weight beside him. Andrew decides to go easy on him, "Neil," he calls out.
Without further prompting Neil lifts his head, his eyes the same as they always are; bleary and unseeing. "Andrew?" He questions, taking in the empty table beside him, "Where…"
"I told them to leave," Andrew explains simply, "I needed to talk to you."
"About what?" Neil yawns, rubbing at his eyes, clearly not awake enough for any worry to reach him.
Andrew gestures with a raised eyebrow as Neil gives another yawn.
Neil rolls his eyes, "Really?"
"You're not sleeping," Andrew deadpans.
"I'm sleeping!" Neil argues, but he doesn't have much heart in the fight. Andrew can tell that Neil doesn't see it as a lie though; case in point Neil just woke up from an impromptu nap; so he's sleeping. Technically.
Andrew won't let him get out on a technicality.
"Eat," Andrew pushes his plate towards him, "Then we're going back to the dorm and you're sleeping in a bed." Andrew doesn't care if it's Neil's bed, or Andrew's bed, hell if Neil wants he can even take over Kevin's bed if that'll actually get him to sleep.
Neil accepts the plate but shakes his head, "I have class."
"Skip it," Andrew quickly adds as Neil opens his mouth to argue, "You can skip one class without your grades slipping and you can't play stickball while you're dead on your feet."
Neil sends him a look, "First of all, I'm not dead on my feet," he pushes his food around his plate as he adds, "Second of all, I have a quiz so I can't skip."
See, Andrew knew this wouldn't be easy. He knows how stubborn Neil can be, but Andrew doesn't particularly want to sit here and wait until Neil drops dead on his feet. If he wasn't as stubborn he would be there already, but Neil is used to running on empty.
"After then," Andrew says.
"I have assignments," Neil answers easily, staring back at him as a challenge.
Andrew stares back.
Fine.
He can play this stupid game.
"Tonight," Andrew says, before pushing the plate closer, "Now eat."
Whether Neil doesn't argue because he knows he won't win or because in saying he won't sleep tonight he's admitting everything is not fine, Andrew doesn't care because he accepts the plate and slowly starts chipping away at it.
This might be more of a fight than Andrew cares to deal with but he's going up against an idiot who has dried drool on his chin so he's not all that worried about it. He steals a cookie on the edge of Neil's plate, that Andrew is sure was put there by Boyd, as compensation for dealing with this. Neil doesn't argue he just shovels another piece of fruit into his mouth and pretends that he's not a second away from collapsing back onto the table.
III.
They're out at Eden's the first time Andrew is actually there when Neil falls asleep. Yes, Edens the place with the crowds, lights, and loud music. Not to mention the many many drunk people singing said music. Andrew won't pretend to understand how Neil could fall asleep in a place like this. He' s in the booth between Andrew and a very drunk Kevin who's trying, and failing, to convince Andrew to go to the bar and get him another drink.
Neil's been quiet the entire night. He was quiet stuffed in a booth at Sweeties and he's barely said two words since walking into Edens. Andrew knows he's not stuck in his head, if he was they wouldn't have stepped foot in this place. Andrew would've just driven them home no matter how badly the other idiots complained. No, Neil isn't obsessing over things he can't change he's just barely there. He blinks slowly like he's catching as much sleep as he can in between the short moments they're closed. He looks the closest to drunk you can get without actually drinking anything. So really it can't be that surprising when Neil sinks in his seat and his head lands, not so gracefully, on Kevin's shoulder.
Kevin drunkenly tenses, jostling Neil's head but even that doesn't wake him and Kevin settles quickly enough that Neil can easily slump against him. Everything is quiet for a beat, or at as quiet as it can be in a club. Until Kevin opens his mouth that is.
"Andrew," Kevin calls out, "Get me a drink."
"No," Andrew answers easily, looking across the room trying to catch sight of Aaron and Nicky somewhere in the crowd. They haven't been here that long Andrew doesn't particularly want to be here that much longer considering in order to watch Aaron and Nicky he'll have to take his eyes off Neil. Andrew can't trust Kevin to notice if he stops breathing.
"Come on," Kevin's words slur, proving he in fact does not need another drink. "I'm the one being a pillow for your—" he corrects himself, "For Neil; you can get me a drink."
Andrew cuts him a look, "We're leaving."
"Come on," Kevin whines, "We just got here."
"Don't care," Andrew mutters before he stands managing to spot Nicky who's close enough for Andrew to call him over without having to take another step away from the booth.
"Andre—" Nicky's face softens as soon as he reaches the table, "Oh, Neil. He's adorable look at him," he reaches to touch before stopping himself before Andrew needs to slap him away. Instead he goes to grab his phone as if that's what he meant to do in the first place. He takes a picture, or several, before he realizes Andrew is still glaring at him, "What?"
"Go find Aaron," Andrew tells him as he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He used to have the fox chat on silent but now with Neil being a near-danger to himself he has it on. When this is all over he's going to make it up to him. "We're leaving."
Nicky doesn't have a chance to argue before Andrew is slipping back into the seat. Kevin reaches across the table for one of Nicky's left over drinks still on the tray, bringing Neil's head to slowly slip from his shoulder. Andrew pushes him back, careful not to move Neil more than necessary. Not that it matters Neil doesn't even stir no matter how sloppy Kevin's drunken movements are.
"Oh you've got to be kidding me," Aaron appears at the end of the table, "This is why you're forcing us to leave? You know he didn't have to come."
Andrew doesn't bother to even give him a reaction, instead he says, "You have until he wakes up to drink before we're leaving," he says. Any other time he wouldn't mind waking him up but he knows Neil is going to put up a fight.
Aaron huffs but goes over to the bar ignoring Kevin's calls from the table to get him something new. They're not even back at the table yet by the time Neil starts shifting. He tenses harder than he normally does when he's waking up, his eyes flying open with the noise.
"We're at Edens," Andrew calls out to him, until his eyes soften with recognition, "And we're leaving now."
Neil's face scrunches up and Andrew knows he's going to try to argue, but he also doesn't care. He only pays enough attention to him to know he's following right behind before going to the bar and grabbing the other two before walking back to the car. Neil picks up his speed to walk right beside him and rubs at his eye as he says, "We don't have to leave."
"Don't care."
Neil sighs, "I'm f—"
"Don't," Andrew cuts him off, slamming the car door open and closed. He jams the keys into the ignition as the drunk idiots pile into the back. Neil is quiet getting into the front seat and Andrew can tell he's still now all the way here yet; still half asleep. There's something else though, a thought pressed to the front of his mind. A thought Andrew is going to hear about as soon as they're back at the house.
It doesn't take very long, or maybe Andrew's brain just skips until the driving is over and he's parked outside of the house. Neil reaches for the handle before Andrew stops him, "No, stay."
Neil settles back against the seat watching the others leave through the rear-view mirror. As soon as they're gone he tries again, "I really am fine."
"Clearly, falling asleep in Edens is something someone does when they're fine," Andrew deadpans, "Talk."
Neil is silent for a moment before he says, "There's really nothing to say."
Andrew hums shortly, "Is that right?"
Neil nods weakly, "Yeah."
"You're not sleeping."
"I am."
"Not enough," Andrew argues.
Neil is quiet again, and he's refusing to meet Andrew's eyes, instead taking to focus one specific spot on the dash. Andrew can practically see his rabbit heart racing underneath his shirt. Neil bites back his words and when they escape his voice is rough and strained, "I'm getting enough."
"No, you're not," Andrew tells him. "You're not sleeping at night."
Neil doesn't deny it, "I'm not tired."
"I thought you weren't a liar anymore," Andrew says, even though if he knows one thing it's that Neil Josten will always be a liar.
Neil sighs, with a small shake of his head, if Andrew didn't know him he'd think he was close to crying. No tears leak out of his eyes, instead he speaks weakly almost like a child, "Can we just go in now?"
Andrew looks at him for a few moments more. He knows going inside means this conversation is over, but he also knows he's not going to get anything out of Neil not like this. At the very least they'll be in the same bed when they go in there and Neil won't be able to deny that he's not sleeping. Even if Andrew can't do anything about it tonight Neil at least will have to admit that he's not getting enough sleep.
Andrew doesn't answer, instead taking to open his door and wordlessly walk to the house. Neil follows right behind him silently and they go through the rest of their night time routine the same way. It's only when Neil walks into the bedroom to find Andrew sitting on the bed when he hesitates.
"I'm going to sleep on the chair downstairs," Neil says.
Andrew lifts an eyebrow, "Oh, are you?"
Neil nods, "Yeah."
"Why?" Andrew questions, because he knows it can't be for any reason that isn't stupid.
Neil doesn't even give him an answer he just shrugs.
Andrew sighs, standing to move across the room until he's right in front of Neil, "Yes or no?"
"Yes," Neil answers easily.
Andrew takes Neil's face in his hands and directs him until he can look nowhere but exactly at him, "Do you think you're going to keep me awake with all the thoughts in your head?"
Neil sighs, "I'm not—" he stops himself.
"You're not sleeping," Andrew finishes for him. Neil doesn't agree but he doesn't deny it either. "So then just lie in the bed and don't sleep." Neil cuts him a look. "You won't keep me awake."
He doesn't tell Neil to tell him what's actually going on because he knows Neil won't tell him, he'll just run off downstairs to sit in an uncomfortable chair the entire night until it's time to go. Neil glances at the bed, his breath hitching before he let's it go.
"Okay," he whispers.
Andrew nods, dropping his face and guiding him back over to the bed. Andrew settles long before Neil even gets somewhat there. Despite Andrew saying Neil won't keep him awake he can't help but wait to see how long Neil will let this play out without letting himself fall back onto sleep. Turns out it's a very very long time. Such a long time that Andrew gives up and let's himself sleep with the thought that maybe once Andrew is asleep Neil will follow suit.
Andrew wakes in the morning to an empty bed and finds Neil in the kitchen drinking coffee looking more tired than he has in weeks.
IV.
It's not a photo that brings Andrew to the library, instead it's the fact that Neil hasn't answered his phone in an hour and the last place he said he'd be is here. Andrew checks his usual table first but has to wander around after that. He ends up finding Neil asleep on one of the big chairs, a sun beam hitting his body directly spreading warmth around him. He's tucked into a ball his textbook abandoned fallen on the ground in front of him.
It's one thing to fall asleep with the foxes, it's another to fall asleep alone in a place anyone could come up to him. It leaves him vulnerable. Sure, no one's after him now and he's as safe and he's going to get. Andrew isn't worried someone is going to jump him in the middle of the public library but Neil is always paranoid of something. In any normal circumstance he would never fall asleep in an environment like this. Andrew wouldn't even know about it if he didn't come here trying to find him.
Andrew shakes his head, picks up the textbook off the ground and takes a seat in the one of the chairs right next to Neil. There's no one else in this side of the library, and the people who do try to sit here leave as soon as Andrew cuts them a glare.
Neil looks peaceful like this; young. He almost looks well rested tucked on the chair; far from any nightmare or bad thought, because clearly something has been keeping him up. Andrew is starting to think his dismissal of nightmares was too quick. There's only so much that Neil's body can take though, and the pictures from the foxes are coming in faster and faster. Andrew's heard them whisper about it. Boyd's taken to asking Neil if he wants to take a nap in his dorm. Neil shuts it down every time, he doesn't even consider it. Andrew might prefer if Neil felt comfortable in their own dorm to sleep but at this point he'd take Neil accepting Boyd's offer if it just means he would sleep.
It takes Neil forty-five minutes to wake up, the longest it's ever taken, at least while Andrew has been here. it's not a peaceful waking. Neil tenses his breath disappearing deep within his chest. He doesn't start breathing right after, he only gets lost within himself, like it's he's choking on air.
"Breathe Neil," Andrew calls out, but his voice doesn't get through to him. Andrew steps over to him, pressing his hand to the back of his neck, "Abram, breathe."
Neil takes a gasp of air, widened blue eyes stare up at Andrew as he breathes out, "'ndrew."
"Breathe," Andrew repeats, "You're in the library. You're safe."
Neil nods, but takes his time getting his breathing back to a normal rhythm. Andrew patiently waits with him his hand firm on the back of his neck. Neil closes his eyes, as his chest evens out and his breaths no longer come out as ragged. "How long?" he asks.
"At least an hour," Andrew tells him.
Neil winces, "Didn't mean to," he mumbles, managing to sit up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes again. If Andrew were Nicky he would take a picture of Neil every time he did it, but he's not so he does nothing but stare blankly in reaction to it.
"You need help," Andrew tells him.
Neil shakes his head, but he stops himself from saying he's fine. "Can we not do this?"
Neil's too tired to fight. It sets Andrew off but he stops himself before it gets too out of control. "We're going to talk about this," Andrew forces out.
"Later," Neil brushes it off, collecting his textbook from the side table beside him.
Andrew stares as he opens it up, waiting for any remaining signs of the panic attack to take him over. It doesn't. He looks fine. It sets Andrew off even more. He wants to grab Neil's arm and drag him to Bee's office. Not that he would actually talk about it there. He wouldn't do anything but sit in silence but at least something would be happening. At least something would come out of that. This is stupid. Neil is an idiot and he's going to run himself to the ground.
He got like this before, after everything with Baltimore went down and he was having nightmares every single time he tried to sleep. He put off sleeping and it seemed like every time he was around the foxes he would be curled up and fast asleep, but he talked about it then, or at the very least he acknowledged it. Plus, back then if Andrew was around Neil would actually sleep, but now it doesn't seem to matter if Andrew is there or not Neil isn't sleeping at all. It's not fear of a physical threat. It's something else. Something Andrew can't figure out.
He crosses his arms but Neil still doesn't look up at him so Andrew takes a seat back in the chair beside him.
It's only then that Neil looks up, "You don't have to stay."
"Don't say stupid things," Andrew mutters.
Neil opens his mouth to argue but finally decides a smart thing for once and doesn't. He keeps reading his textbook scratching words into the margin and Andrew sits beside him waiting until he huffs and packs up his bag. They walk back to the tower together and Neil pretends that everything is fine like always.
Later in the night Neil gets in bed like everything is normal but he doesn't sleep and it's not surprising.
V.
The final straw comes when Andrew walks onto the roof of Fox tower and finds Neil slumped against the wall beside the door; dead asleep. It's cold enough up here that Neil's nose is already red the orange hoodie he's wearing does very little to help with the problem. He's not close enough to the edge to cause worry; he's not close at it at all, and despite being outside he's probably the safest he could be. No one comes up here besides the two of them, the only person who would ever find Neil here is Andrew. It's still something that Neil can't ever come back from though. The library was one thing, despite being in public it was warm and comfortable. Up here it's cold and Andrew knows the concrete is too uncomfortable to even tolerate for half an hour nevertheless sleep on.
Andrew doesn't wake him up though, because he knows he'll give some lame excuse and it's better that Neil gets some sleep than nothing at all. He quietly takes a seat beside him, only letting himself glance at him shortly before looking away again. Neil is completely curled into himself, his hands twitching from the cold despite not being awake to feel it. Andrew decides if it gets any worse he'll wake him up and bring him downstairs.
He doesn't have to even consider it though, as soon as he flicks open his lighter and lights a cigarette Neil starts to stir. It's not frantic like the library, or confused like Edens. When Neil wakes up it's as peaceful as it can be given the circumstances and the idiot even ends with a smile as his eyes open to find Andrew beside him. It's quiet for a moment as Neil reaches out and plucks Andrew's cigarette right from between his fingers. Andrew let's him and doesn't even bother to light another one.
"You know what I'm going to say," Andrew says.
Neil hums, "I told you—"
"You lied," Andrew cuts him off.
Neil sighs, wasting the cigarette refusing to take another drag, "I'm not lying."
"What would you call it then?" Andrew questions.
Neil shrugs but offers no other rebuttal. Andrew doesn't ask again, there's no point, and he hates repeating himself. Neil already knows this, and he slumps against the all behind him as he forces out the words, "It's not nightmares," he says, "I don't know what it is."
Andrew gives him a look and Neil accepts it with one of his own.
"It's just—" Neil makes a gesture with his hands that Andrew doesn't understand; really he doesn't think Neil understands it either. "I don't remember a lot from the nest, you know that."
Andrew can't stop himself from tensing. Of course the Nest rears it's ugly head again at the worst of times. Andrew isn't even all that surprised of the reason, he's more-so surprised that he didn't have it on the list of things wrong with Neil this time around. "Riko is dead."
"I know," Neil swallows thickly, "I don't know what's wrong I can't remember it."
"Something remembers it," Andrew says.
Neil nods shortly, small enough that it's barely there, like he doesn't want to admit it, "I just can't every time I'm in bed," he opens his mouth just to close it again and Andrew wants to push for answers he knows Neil doesn't have for him. Neil has told him everything that's happened in the nest; everything he remembers happening. The things Andrew doesn't know are the things Neil doesn't know. It doesn't stop the anger from building in Andrew's chest at the blanks in his memory. "I don't like feeling out of control."
"You don't need to be in a bed to sleep," Andrew tells him, even if it's not what he actually wants to say.
Neil looks over at him, "It's stupid."
"No."
"It's not even a nightmare or flashbacks or I don't know!" Neil argues, "It's just a feeling. That's stupid."
"Everything about you is stupid," Andrew deadpans, "Doesn't mean you can't take care of yourself."
Neil practically pouts, and Andrew wishes he could find it annoying. A helpless look covers his face, and if there's one word that doesn't describe Neil it's helpless. Andrew knows he's not helpless but he is an idiot. If it were up to Neil this would keep going on forever until he dropped one day not being able to hold himself up anymore. He'll deny there's a problem until he physically can't keep up the lie anymore. It's bullshit, but it's also Andrew's problem to deal with.
"Friday we're going to Columbia," Andrew tells him.
Neil nods, "I figured."
Andrew shakes his head, "Alone. We're not going to go to Edens, you're going to sleep."
He would do it right now but he knows Neil will have a million excuses plus there's no way Andrew can ever get him to skip Exy practice unless he's dying—well, even then.
"Andrew I can't—"
"Won't," Andrew says simply, "We're going."
He waits for a firm no. He waits for a reason to back off but Neil doesn't t give him anything besides a sigh and a quiet yes. Andrew stands, giving out his hand to yank Neil up before he disappears through the stairwell, going slow until he can hear Neil right behind him.
+I
Andrew gets Neil in the Mas right after his last class, not giving him a chance to even sit down before they're out of there. Partially it's to avoid listening to his family complain about not having a ride to Edens, but he also knows Neil will come up with every excuse in the world to get out of this. Neil's quiet though. He doesn't argue, he just accepts the bag Andrew packed for him and gets in the passenger seat. It takes five minutes before Neil is dozing, and another ten before he's completely out his cheek smushed against the window. If Andrew drives a little more carefully to avoid the potholes in the road well… no one is around to see it so maybe it didn't happen at all.
He gets to Columbia in silence and parks right outside of the house. He wakes Neil by opening his door. Neil would've fallen right out into the pavement if it wasn't for the seatbelt keeping him up, "Asshole," he mutters, still half-gone on sleep to muster anything better.
Andrew ignores him, instead taking both of their bags to lug them up into the house and into their room. Neil is slow to follow him and Andrew is back out into the living room before Neil can even make it into the bedroom.
"Andrew, I really don't—"
"Shut up," Andrew cuts him off as he moves over to the couch. He takes off the back cushions to make more room before grabbing the blanket that's hung over the edge and laying it down to make it as comfortable as he can. He disappears into the bedroom again to grab extra pillows and the comforter before setting them on the couch. He doesn't look back over at Neil until he's under the blanket and set by the back of the couch. "Come here."
Neil looks at him wearily before walking over only to stand by the side of the couch, "I don't know if I'll be able to sleep."
Andrew gives him a look, "Try."
Neil sighs, settling down practically on top of Andrew, and asks a quick yes or no before leaning his head on his chest. Andrew doesn't plan on sleeping anyway, and he wraps his arms around him. This isn't about him, and he's not tired anyway. He regrets not bringing the remote closer to him now that he's here. He still has time to grab it but he doesn't want to give Neil a reason to stay awake.
Andrew isn't sure how long goes on; all he knows is it's been far too long and Neil isn't even trying, "At least, close your eyes, Rabbit."
Neil sighs, but he still doesn't listen instead he looks up at Andrew with wide eyes , "Can you touch my hair?"
Andrew pauses before he replies, "If you close your eyes and actually try to sleep." When Neil doesn't react he asks, "Do you feel whatever you feel when you're in a bed now?"
Neil hesitates before he shakes his head, but Andrew knows it's not a lie, "No, I feel fi—okay."
"Then sleep," Andrew pushes his head back down to his chest but he doesn't take his hand away, instead he digs his fingers into Neil's hair gently de-tangling it as he brushes through it. Neil sighs happily and finally closes his eyes. Andrew knows he's not asleep right away, not even close despite just being asleep in the car not even fifteen minutes earlier.
He gets there eventually, and when he does Neil's chest is heavy with sleep-filled breaths, and his lips part with a dream. Andrew watches him for a while and takes note as the hours go by without Neil even so much as stirring. He's here for the long haul, probably for the full night if he really gets what he wants. He's perfectly fine with this arrangement though. The idiot has to sleep and this is the only way to get him to do it.
Slowly Andrew pulls his phone from his pocket, careful not to ruin all his progress and wake Neil up. He does something he won't ever admit to anyone and takes a picture of Neil curled against him. Immediately after he does he considers deleting it, or maybe throwing his phone against the wall so his brain can never lead him into doing something that stupid again, but he doesn't end up doing either. He let's the picture remain on his phone that he promptly slides away from himself so he doesn't have to look at it. He settles into the couch for the long haul and finds a strange comfort of Neil's weight on top of him, though he doesn't let his mind travel far with that though. He forces his mind to go blank, even if he keeps staring at Neil regardless, though no one would know; so again maybe it never happened.
At least the idiots finally asleep.
Maybe when he wakes up he'll finally look like a person again, or maybe he'll still look like the walking dead and they'll have to do this again tomorrow.
Andrew doesn't think he'd mind if they had to.
No one has to know that though.