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The ground was cold and hard under Nozomi’s knees, threatening to scrape runs in her tights the longer she huddled there. She didn’t care about that. She felt utterly sapped of energy or motivation. How could she get to her feet, how could she go about her day to day activities or look anybody in the eyes knowing what she was complicit in? What they were all complicit in, although she seemed to be the only one who really cared about the depths of their crimes. At most, Ginzaki was fond of their prisoner in the manner of a child wanting a pet. He was no better than the others in terms of seeing Eva as a person like all of them, someone who deserved freedom instead of being confined in a cage.
“Nozomi?” Eva ventured in a soft voice. “Are you alright? Has something happened? You’ve been huddled there for quite a while now.”
It made perfect sense for her to ask, considering that Nozomi was in her field of view and she had nothing else to entertain herself with in the cage. Still, the warmth in her voice and the way she called her by her given name, no honorifics… It was enough to push Nozomi over the edge. She sniffled, trying to find her voice to assure Eva that nothing was amiss, but before she could get a word out, her eyes were pooling with tears.
They spilled over the edge, running down her cheeks and dripping to the ground where she ducked her head. Nozomi hugged herself, miserable, and tried to keep the shaking of her sobs as silent as possible.
“Nozomi, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” Eva didn’t speak to anyone else like that. Only her. In the blurry edges of her peripheral vision, Nozomi could see her coming right up to the bars of her cage, as close as she could get to her.
“Oh, Eva, I’m sorry,” she blubbered, mortified by what a mess she looked and sounded like. “We’re all being so horrible to you. You only wanted to protect those dear to you, and here you are, locked up and being treated like an animal. It’s despicable, what we’re doing to you, and the fact that I can’t convince the others to set you free. I… I can’t do anything, even after all this time. I can’t protect you.” Everything else that Eva was going through, the horrific mental turmoil she must have been suffering since the SDU first took her prisoner, and here Nozomi was making her feel obligated to offer comfort. The guilt only made her chest ache more, made the flow of tears heavier and harder to stem. It had been coming for a long time.
“Come here. Where I can reach you.”
Thoughtlessly, Nozomi complied. Still mindlessly weeping, she crawled forward on her knees until she reached the edge of the cage, where Eva could reach out between the bars and touch her. If she’d been requesting her approach so that she could take her revenge and harm her, she would have faced no resistance for it. Nozomi was too wrapped up in her own meltdown to put up a fight. But, of course, Eva had no such motives. She sat down on the floor of the cage, so they were at eye level, and reached out to comb a hand through Nozomi’s hair.
“You have nothing to be so sorry for. You are not responsible for the acts of your comrades, not when you’re working so hard to defy them. Someday soon, I’ll be out of this miserable jail cell, and in the meantime, you’re the only one helping make it a little better to live with. You’re doing so much for me, babygirl. You think I don’t know that?” Eva’s voice didn’t deviate from the same gentle, cajoling tone. She stroked Nozomi’s hair over and over, steady and predictable. Nozomi neither noticed nor cared about her other hand searching for the key in her clothes.
“Yeah, I know that, but…” She sniffled again, feeling foolish, and made an attempt to wipe her eyes. She had to get herself under control eventually. She had to be strong if she wanted to be a protector instead of just a burden. “It’s not enough. I should be doing more. I should be finding a way instead of letting you reassure me all the time. You could be the one needing comfort from someone.”
“But what did I tell you? I said I would take care of you from now on, didn’t I? That a good girl like you should never have to face things by yourself?”
Nozomi’s bone-deep misery couldn’t be dissolved as easily as that. Her outburst had been repressed and delayed for too long, worsening the consequences once it had finally been unleashed. But a little of the tension in her shoulders loosened. She was distracted from her friends’ callousness by remembering the promise Eva had made the last time she brought her some items for self-care.
“Yeah,” she mumbled again. She gripped the bars from the outside then, leaning closer and peering in at Eva while she worked at fitting the key into the lock. “You did. I’ll be good, Mommy. I’ll do as you say.”
The barred door of the cage swung open with a soft noise of satisfaction from Eva.
“That’s right, I know you will. C’mere, babygirl. I think you need to be held for a while, don’t you? Shall I tell you a story about my village this time?” Eva backed away from the open door, settling down on the mattress in a comfortable position for cuddling. That was all the encouragement Nozomi needed to rise shakily to her own feet and make a token effort to brush some of the dust and dirt off the knees of her tights.
Honestly, she didn’t have much patience for that when Eva was waiting for her. Her clothes were in far from perfect condition when she curled up with her on the mattress, laying her head on Eva’s chest.
“Yes, I want a story. You’ll take me there when we get you out of here, right? And we’re going to live together forever?”
“Of course,” Eva murmured. Arms wrapped snugly around her, she pressed a kiss to the crown of Nozomi’s head, the only place she could easily reach in their current position. “Forever. I wouldn’t let you be my little girl just to abandon you. I never want you to have a reason to cry.”