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You always were a caring person. No matter the things that you went through or the fact that sometimes it’s hard to deal with people, you always tried to show the people that you love that you care about them. Sometimes the other Avengers joked that that was your other super power.
But sometimes, it could get overwhelming.
Because at the same time, you were a very closed person when it came to your own feelings. You tried your best to hide them because to you, it wasn’t worth it to bother people with wathever was going on in your head. You cared about them, you cared if the others were sad, stressed or in pain, but what was the point of puting your own problems on them when you knew that they all had their own problems to deal with?
You get of the quinjet in silence, feeling the need to be alone. The mission was to extract intel about a new terrorist group in a bar, but what you didn’t expect was to find out that the bar was in fact a brothel and seeing all those women being forced to do all those things with those disguisting men made you sick to your stomach and made you remember all the things you had being through before S.H.I.E.L.D had recruited you.
You walk to your bedroom and lay in bed falling asleep before you could let the tears fall. You didn’t want to cry, all those things had happen years ago and you were okay now. You saved those women at the brothel, you helped them the way you wished someone had helped you back then.
By the time you wake up it’s past 3:00 am and that bad feeling you hoped that would go away after sleeping was still there. So you got up and walked to the kitchen without paying attention to your surrounding, all you wanted was a good cup of tea.
After the tea is ready, you sit by the counter with your favorite mug in hand, letting your thoughts fly away. And before you realise, you’re in tears. They fall from your eyes without shame, all the bad things that happened to you coming back and making you feel worst, like you didn’t deserved to be where you were, like you were nothing but what had happened, like all those things could never go away.
“Luana?”
You freeze in your seat. Were you crying too loud?
“Are you okay?”, the voice asked but you don’t move or answer, feeling your heart racing in your chest.
You hear footsteps and someone sits by your side,a cold metal hand touches your hands lightly.
Bucky.
Of all the people that could found you crying like a baby in the middle of the night in the kitchen, it had to be him.
Not that you didn’t like Bucky, you actually liked him a lot, to point of having a crush. But he had so much going on in his life, went through so much more than you could even think that the last thing you wanted was to bother him with your crying mess.
“What happened Luana?”, he asked still touching your hand. “Are you hurt?”
You let go of his touch, holding your mug tight.
“No, it’s nothing Bucky”, you said in spite of your heavy voice. At less the kitchen was dark, you think to yourself. “Why are you up so late? Nightmare?”, you ask trying to change the subject.
“No, I was watching some Netflix then I thought I heard someone crying”, Bucky said, his voice full of concerned. “I haven’t seen you since you left the quinjet, what’s wrong?”
He seemed so worried about you that actually hurt.
“Nothing.. Hard mission, I guess”, you answer trying to fight the tears that could come out at any moment and praying that he would just leave so you could cry alone.
Through the darkness of the kitchen you can see him looking at you, his blue eyes dark with concern.
“Do you want to talk about it?”, he asked.
“No, it’s fine. It’s nothing. I don’t want to bother you”, you said quickly.
“You’re crying, Luana, of course it is something”, Bucky said seriously, “I want to help”.
You take a deep breath and look at him. Bucky seems resolute.
“Thank you, Bucky, but… It’s just that you went through so much, it’s not fair for me to bother you with this… It will pass…”
“You shouldn’t worry about me, specially when you’re feeling bad. I’m okay, but you don’t seem to be”, he said and his tone was so full of worry and sadness that you felt tears falling from your eyes. But before you could wipe them, you feel his human hand touching your face so lightly, so kindly that more tears fall from your eyes.
“You care so much about others, but I see you hide everytime you’re feeling sad. And… I just want to help you. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. Don’t worry about me, I just want you to be okay”.
You nod your head in agreement, his hand wiping the tears from your face. But now you don’t feel guilty for crying in front of him anymore. You just feel the things you tried to bury deep inside your mind coming out in those silent tears and Bucky holds you. One hand in your waist and the other in your hair, making soothing sounds while you cry, letting all the pain you were feeling since the mission come out in waves.
He’s still holding you when you calm down, your face buried in his chest. The emptiness that always follows this breakdowns taking over you.
“It’s okay”, he whispers, “You’re going to be okay”.
And you believe in him. Even if you’re not ready to talk about it, even if you know that it’s something that you have to deal eventually, you believe when Bucky Barnes says that it’s going to be okay, because at that moment that was all you needed to hear.