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They're all idiots

Summary:

going to the mysterious and dangerous land of Beast Yeast isn't an easy feat but Pure Vanilla cookie is determined to locate wherever White Lily cookie could be.

Something about these lands calls to him. Bringing his dear little friends, Gingerbrave, Wizard cookie and Strawberry cookie on an airship, he travels to the dangerous continent.

However, it seems they're far too late to something extremely deadly.

On the bright side, he gains a new friend.

Notes:

this is inspired by an old fic of mine that I consider my first serious fic. (It's now one of my oldest fics and i wrote it when I was like 16/17, for reference I'm older than 18 now, baby's first proper fic)

Translation for the Latin used: “raise baked dough”, “pure light” (lmao

TW for like a singular depiction of vomiting.

Chapter 1: A failed expedition turned new friend

Chapter Text

Spacing out, he heard a more familiar voice calling — “Pure Vanilla cookie...!” yelled Gingerbrave, desperate for his friend's attention.

Pure Vanilla shakes his head, collecting himself in a dazed stupor — dissociation was just simply not his friend.

He looks over at his friends as his blurred vision from his blind eyes focuses on their vague shapes, the eye on his orchid staff taking over the seeing aspect as he comes to.

“G-Gingerbrave..?” He stammers breathlessly. He adjusts himself, trying to seem more put together. Speaking again, having regained a sense of himself once more.

“Ah. My apologies, I must've been lost in thought for a moment..” he explains followed by a dry chuckle.

As he laughs, a soft meek voice speaks up from next to him. Her concerned brown eyes looking up at him from within the shadows of her pink hoodie.

“Are you alright..?” Strawberry cookie asks. “
Your dough is white as snow..” she mumbles with worry, gently tugging on his sleeve.

“Do not worry about me, I'm alright.. Come to think of it, we should be arriving at Beast-Yeast now, shouldn't we?” Pure Vanilla asks, looking towards Wizard cookie.

“Ah! Yes! About that.. It seems we have just crossed the borders of Beast-Yeast!” Wizard cookie announces.

“..I see, we're here..” Pure Vanilla says in a low voice.

Gingerbrave, to try and lighten Pure Vanilla's soured mood pipes up with “It’s so awesome the Cremé Republic would lend us this airship! Phew.. at least we didn't have to cross the Licorice Sea.. imagine how long that would—”

Suddenly, everycookie is shaken by a loud explosion. This thick air of otherworldly magic surrounding them and sending chills down their spines with how cold it feels to their very cores and lastly—

Something hitting the airship.

In the chaos of looking around for whatever caused that, being unable to see much ahead of them due to the thick blue fog now around them.

Gingerbrave coughs, his eyes bleary as he looks at the dark fog around him.

Strawberry shrieks “W-What was that!?”

Something alerts the four to no end.

However, at the last second — Pure Vanilla spots what looks to be a cookie falling down the forests below.

His eyes widening in shock. Without much of a second thought he calls out — conjuring a spell “Levo-panicium!”

White magic wrapping around the falling cookie, catching them like a net.

Slowly, the magic raises the mysterious cookie to the airship.

Laying them gently on the deck.

Despite the chaos everything else seems fine, except this cookie who is clearly quite crumbly.

“Hello? Are you okay? Can you speak?” Pure Vanilla asks. Getting a good look at this cookie.

They're blue in colour with faded stars in their blue hair.
Their dough looks to be a mix of a darker blue and a powder blue. A marking resides on their forehead and a faint but similar one over their left eye.

Their outfit is a black bodysuit with a large collar that is tattered and torn and they seem to possess a peculiarly shaped brooch on their chest.

Their hair is messy, especially the light teal bangs covering one of their eyes.
The bangs sprouting a cowlick from above them.

They're breathing but it's laboured. Shaky and slow.

Wizard cookie cautiously pokes the unconscious cookie.

“Wizard cookie! Be careful..!” Strawberry cookie scolds in her soft spoken voice.

“I'm just checking.. you can't be too careful in new lands like this.. we have no idea what to expect.” He answers.

“True.. but still, they look hurt.. — we must have hit them..” strawberry cookie says, looking out the large window of the airship.

“Pure Vanilla cook—” Gingerbrave speaks up but is interrupted by his own coughing. “The fog.. it's too thick! We won't be able to see a thing! Let alone how much it messes with my throat..” he explains, grumbling at his own misfortune toward the end.

“You are correct.. let's see what I can do..” Pure Vanilla answers.

“It appears to be some kind of dark magic which came from the forest…” Pure Vanilla states, looking at the looming fog. “Wizard cookie, tend the injured cookie best you can, I'll handle the fog.”

Wizard cookie scampers over to the injured cookie — so does Strawberry cookie.

Gingerbrave looks on and shields his eyes when all of a sudden with the words “purus lux!” a bright light fills the airship.

Soon both Strawberry cookie and Wizard cookie too must shield their eyes.

Eventually the light dispels and with it some fog, allowing them to finally get a good look at Beast-Yeast below.

Whatever just happened was super super bad. fire, trees transformed into otherworldly plants with playing cards as fruit even something such as a bird was turned into something that just doesn't make sense.

“Is this Beast-Yeast..?” Wizard cookie comments in a slightly irritated yet sassy tone.

“I'm scared!” Strawberry cookie yelps, the unfamiliar now changed environment startling her.

“Don't worry, Strawberry cookie! Me and Pure Vanilla cookie will protect you! Right, Pure Vanilla cookie?” Gingerbrave asks in his usual chipper voice.

“Yes, it is my duty. Do not forget we have an extra passenger.. Perhaps, we should retreat.. This land seems much too dangerous even for me.
My spell only did so much — the fog is already coming back, see..” Pure Vanilla explains.

“Retreating would be the best option here..” Wizard cookie says, a tinge of reluctance in his voice but nonetheless he agrees it's for the best.

————————
Later:

“Whatever or whoever caused that did not want us entering these cursed lands..” Pure Vanilla explains, handing over a pair of jingling keys.

“Hm, that is rather unfortunate.. I was hoping you would be able to easily access Beast-Yeast. Though understandable if it was much too dangerous.
I, Consul of the Cremé Republic, would not want to risk the safety of the founder of the Vanilla Kingdom. Let alone his loyal friends. Thank you for trying at least.”
Clotted Cream says assuringly, sporting a bright well-kept smile on his face.

Soon however his face contorts into a more serious expression as he speaks once more with “Now, about your unexpected passenger..” pointing to the blue cookie.

Who of which the trio of young adventurers are looking at.

“They look terrible..” Strawberry cookie comments.

“I wonder what their name is! Do you think they'd be our friend?” Gingerbrave muses with glee.

“I wonder if they caused that fog..” Wizard cookie grumbles.

“That's ridiculous! Look at them! They're far too hurt to cast a spell!” Gingerbrave argues.

“I do wonder what caused that.. It was so scary! It got super dark and we couldn't see ahead of us..” Strawberry cookie cries — pulling the strings of her hoodie to further hide her face.

“Though, getting a better look at them — they remind me of someone..” Wizard cookie says, looking up at his friends.

With an excited raise of his candy cane — “Oh? Well, go ahead! Tell us! I'm curious!” Gingerbrave responds.

“Well, it's outlandish. I'll ask Pure Vanilla cookie about it later then tell you two, I want his opinion first.” Wizard cookie answers. “Afterall, I want to make sure..!”

Meanwhile:

“What would you like to do about them?” Clotted Cream asks.

“Well, I would like to invite them back to my kingdom. I want to look over them and make sure they heal correctly. If that is okay with you and the republic?” Pure Vanilla answers, inquiring with his own question with an unsure tilt of his head.

“It's completely fine! We have no need for them regardless. Now, however.. we will look into whatever occurred in Beast-Yeast. You and the others take them to the Vanilla Kingdom.” Clotted Cream says.

Pure Vanilla nods, running over to the trio and the injured cookie.

“My friends! I ask you to join me back at the Vanilla Kingdom. I will gladly provide temporary housing within the castle walls!” He vigorously offers, seeming rather excited —

his fists — even the one gripped around his orchid staff bouncing excitedly up and down.

He regains his composure rather quickly however. “Though I cannot guarantee how much you will see me, I may be busy tending to our new friend.” He explains.

“Though..” he glares at something on the cookie's chest. An oddly familiar shaped brooch centred between their collar.

“I will try to make time for you! Once.. Which I assume the paladins figure out what happened. We will head back to Beast-Yeast as soon as possible!” he exclaims.

“Alright! Cookies? Wanna stay over at the Vanilla Kingdom?” Gingerbrave asks, turning his attention to his friends.

“It sounds fun!” Strawberry cookie says with a giggle.

“I suppose. Finally sleeping in a bed would be great on my dough..” Wizard cookie sighs.

“Alright! A sleepover it is, Pure Vanilla cookie!” Gingerbrave says.

Soon the cookies gather themselves and their still unconscious, injured unexpected passenger.

——————

Back at the Vanilla Kingdom:

The trio of young adventurers had already fled to their rooms, presumably to settle down for the night.

Pure Vanilla could already hear Gingerbrave’s snoring, just simply passing his bedroom door.

Eventually he reaches the door where the unknown cookie resides.

He opens the door and peeks inside, monitors and machines making sounds as they work to keep them stable.

“hello?”

A fruitless effort to see if they're awake.

Pure Vanilla sighs — slowly closing the door as to not slam it—

But before he could..

“wh.. wha…?” they groaned.

Pure Vanilla jolted from surprise, hearing their voice, hearing a sound — they're.. awake?

He ran over and observed them, the faint light from the hallway trickling into the dimly lit room.

“Are—... Are you alright…?” Pure Vanilla asks in a soft voice.

Suddenly, the unknown cookie coughs up this strange bile. It was hard to see in the dark but the liquid was dark in colour, presumably jam or something adjacent..?

Which isn't helping the medical concerns of this unknown cookie.

They cough a bit more before choking out in a raspy weak voice “Obviously fucking not…” they mutter out in a highly irritated tone.

they follow up with “Don't be ridiculous..”

“Oh, i-.. my apologies..I was just asking, no need to be so crude..” Pure Vanilla says.

“I am a friend here, me and my friends rescued you..” he explains, spreading his arms out to show he's harmless.

“Wha.. What happened..?” the unknown cookie asked.

“That… we are still figuring out..” Pure Vanilla answers, looking away solemnly.

“Question; do you have a name?” He asks changing the subject to that of a more positive one.

The cookie pauses —glaring blankly at the air around them.

Their eyes, practically a glazed over death-stare as they process reality — the reality of that is “I can't remember..”

In which is their answer. A horrified look on their face.

Amnesia.

Merely temporary or permanent is the only question that can be asked.

“You don't remember your name..?” Pure Vanilla asks, looking dumbfounded.

The unknown cookie begins to shiver slightly “I-I… I don't. I don't.. I can't. I.. why don't I..” their speech, a jumbled mess of thoughts that can't stay coherent long enough to be understood.

“Please calm down.. you suffered some horrible injuries, I'm sure your memory will return to you. I had amnesia once but my friends helped jog my mind..” Pure Vanilla assures. “Perhaps, that's all you need..”

He brings over his staff as he gets closer to the cookie.

“May I touch you? You're not in pain are you..?” He asks, having healed most of the cookie's more notable injuries with his magic.

“If you wish, I can't really feel anything…
I think I lost my nerve endings..” they ponder — their body feeling numb and clammy.

“..well, let's see about that..” Pure Vanilla murmurs, bringing his hand to the cookie's arm and gently pulling their hand off their head.

He looks them over, their eyes now open.
One teal and yellow and the other a royal blue.

“Heterochromia..”Pure Vanilla notes aloud.
The cookie snaps their head gaze towards him.

“Sorry, I just noticed your eyes are two different colours like mine. I have a condition called complete heterochromia where my eyes are two different colours.. yours seem to be a stranger case..” he explains with a faint chuckle.

He continues looking over them until they flinch, indicating they have feeling in their body but perhaps panic caused their numbness.

He sighs and informs them they should rest and he'll see them in the morning.

Soon, wishing them goodnight and with a click of the door he leaves.