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Matthew sighed softly as he lay back and watched the stars over his home. He counted each twinkling light and traced constellations. The young man watched clouds hide some and reveal others. It was a beautiful sight, especially at his home far from others. If he lived in the city, then he would not get views like this.
But he did not admire the view for long, as darker thoughts reared their ugly heads. He could swallow a bottle of pills and simply pass away beneath the comfort of the stars. Matthew would be found in his favorite place, at peace with the place he had chosen. Would it take them long to figure out what happened? Would they realize right away? Would they even miss him, or would they pretend he had never existed?
As he realized the spiral, Matthew shook his head and tried to shove it down. But when the thoughts refused to lighten up, he grabbed his phone. The young man found that they went away when he just wrote them down and sent them into the void. He opened it up and started writing. Matthew did not bother to check as he had been writing in the right place earlier. Once the thought was down, he sent it off. He always just sent them to himself. Not wanting to bother anyone else with his thoughts.
Matthew tossed his phone aside, then laid back to continue admiring the stars, getting lost in the stories held there or wondering what life was like near distant stars.
Matthew was drifting off when he heard the crunch of tires on his driveway, the slamming of a car door, and frantic footsteps coming towards his backyard. He was quick to sit up, looking confused as Gilbert entered, then hurried towards him, stopping just short as he took in Matthew.
"What’s--" He started to ask but was cut off as the other man quickly embraced him.
"Oh, thank God," He said, then he was pulling away to look at Matthew as if looking for an injury.
"What’s going on…?" Matthew asked, looking at his boyfriend with confusion. Not that he didn’t want him there or want to see him. He had just not been expecting him to suddenly show up. "Is everything okay?"
"I thought you had--" He cut himself off, pulling out his phone to show Matthew the message he had received. "I thought you had offed yourself, Mattie."
Matthew stared at the message he was being shown, eyes widening as he realized he had sent his thoughts to the wrong place. "Gil... I..." He opened his mouth to explain, try to assure him, try to say something. Anything but what was truly bothering him. But he found himself tearing up.
Gilbert had just reminded him of just how much people cared about him. It was something he did not realize he needed until this moment. Matthew wrapped his arms around Gilbert, burying against him as the other man offered comfort.
It took a while before Matthew pulled himself together. "Sorry... You weren’t supposed to see that..." Matthew finally managed. "I... I just get these thoughts sometimes. I would never act on them! But... writing them down helps clear them..."
Gilbert seemed to understand. "You know what... kinda glad you accidentally sent that to me."
"Why..?" Matthew asked, almost worried that his boyfriend was having doubts about being with him.
But instead of an answer, Gilbert gave him a shit-eating grin, then tackled him back into the grass with a kiss. Matthew yelped but ye was happy to return it, his doubts melting away for now.
Gilbert was soon pulling away. "You know you can talk to me about these things, right?"
"I do…" Matthew answered truthfully.
"Good. Now scoot over, I came all this way. I’m joining you." Gilbert said as he made himself comfortable beside Matthew, his hand finding his once he was settled.
Matthew squeezed his hand, unable to stop the faint smile that formed on his face. Sometimes he just needed the reminder that he was so, so loved.
That the best place for him was right here, listening to Gilbert make up silly constellations and snuggling against him.