Work Text:
Subaru was currently searching for onions.
“Sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Huh? Onions?”
“Are you crazy? Get out of here!”
Needless to say, it wasn’t going very well.
“Damn Lugunica and their stupid naming system…” Subaru muttered to himself. “I know I saw onions here last time, but I couldn’t read the signs… I can’t find them at all, now!”
“I’ve been here for 4 hours!” he yelled, frustrated. “This is stupid!”
But he couldn’t give up. His pride and honor as a man was on the line.
-
“Big Bro, you have to admit it, you’re a crybaby. Even more so than Rein over here.” Felt confessed, gesturing at the Sword Saint on her right.
“Oh yeah?! Hmph.” Subaru defended himself. “Prove it!”
Felt smirked. “I have an idea. You two have a challenge. Whoever cries first loses.”
“Alright, deal.” Subaru accepted. “Reinhard, be prepared to lose!”
‘This might be the only time I get to win against Reinhard!’ Subaru thought. ‘...that's kind of pathetic, isn’t it.’
“I accept.” Reinhard smiled. “Don’t worry, Subaru, I’m sure you’ll win.”
“AHA!” Felt yelled. “Did you see that?! Reinhard used sarcasm! He’s finally learning!”
“Felt-sama I-”
“Save it for the judge, Rein.” Felt stepped out the door. “I’ll leave you two to it.”
Reinhard decided to start the two off.
“Subaru, I don’t…” Reinhard’s voice quivered. “...like you.”
He changed his mind immediately. “I’M SORRY SUBARU I-”
“Man, you suck at this.”
-
Subaru had tried everything - insulting him, poking him in the eyes, even playing the Astrea family card(not too hard, Subaru wasn’t evil - that was the ultimate last resort). Nothing worked.
If Subaru was bad at this, Reinhard was absolutely horrible. He simply either just didn’t know how to or didn’t have the heart to insult him properly. There was probably a Divine Protection of Insults in there somewhere, but he certainly wasn’t using it.
So he came up with the genius idea - cut onions in front of Reinhard. He would surely tear up he totally wouldn’t have any divine protections of bullshit right please please
Subaru took a right turn, and saw a familiar sight.
“Oh, it’s the appa guy!”
“Oh. You.” Kadomon looked over.
“Hey, why the cold reception? What did I do?!” Subaru felt insulted.
He brushed him off. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, what do you need, kid.”
“Now that I think about it, you probably could help! I’m so stupid, I should have just asked someone…” Subaru facepalmed.
“Huh?”
“There’s this one vegetable, it’s like a kind of bulbous shape.” Subaru made a shape with his hands. “It’s red or yellowish I guess - has papery layers for skin and -”
“Are you talking about a nyon?” Kadomon replied.
“...”
“What the hell kind of name is a nyon?! That’s like something Felix would say, not a vegetable name!”
Subaru kneeled to the ground and complained. “Gah….”
“Get out of here kid, you’re ruining my business.” The appa seller said, with a smile this time.
“Okay, okay, fine!” Subaru laughed.
Subaru walked up to a stall nearby. ‘Hey, do you sell nyons?” ‘I’m sorry, my poor onions…’
”We don’t, but my friend down that alley does.” The seller turned around and gestured in the direction of an alley. “Just turn right after that, and you should find it.”
”Awesome, thanks!”
Subaru hurried down and found the stall with onions on display. “Finally! Last step! Can’t believe I missed this street before.”
He quickly bought the nyon. He might have even let out a tear of success, were they not the reason why he had come here.
‘Onions acquired!” Subaru yelled in triumph, holding the nyon in the air.
The seller gave him a weird look, but ignored him.
”Time for my master plan…”
-
It was currently Mid Earth Time - or Earth’s 2 am.
Subaru was crouching outside the Astrea Manor. He had wrapped his face in a black scarf ninja mask for cool factor stealthiness, and dressed in all black - to carry out his ultimate mission. With a knife in hand and an onion in the other, Subaru put his new parkour skills to the test.
Earlier in the day, Subaru had left one specific window open, and to his luck(or, unbeknownst to him, Carol and Felt’s interference), it hadn’t yet been closed.
Leap. Duck. Roll. Hide. Open door.
Roll again. And again. Then again.
‘Maybe I should, like, walk normally…’
Subaru continued opening doors (stealthily) and got no results. ‘If only it were as easy as it was with Beako, damn it.’
He opened another, and there was a figure right there, hidden under the darkness of the bedroom.
Subaru waddled his way over, slowly and carefully. He craned his neck right over their bed and - it was Felt. Subaru groaned.
With that sound, Felt leaped straight up. “Who’s there -“ She took a look at the onion in the figure’s hand, and the idiotic awesome scarf over his face. “Oh, it’s just you, Big Bro. Well, have fun, I’m going back to sleep.”
She turned over and went out like a light.
“Hey, you could have at least told me where Reinhard’s room is!” Subaru half yelled, half whispered. Disappointed, he set back out.
‘It’s got to be the next bedroom nearby. Rein would stay as close to Felt as possible.’
After a quick scan of the surrounding rooms, he decided this was it. This was the bedroom of the Sword Saint himself.
He slipped his nyon into his pocket. Ever so slightly, Subaru eased open the door. To his relief, it didn’t creak. He slipped inside, and left the door slightly ajar, not risking making too much sound.
Two large, soft strides, and he was standing by the side of Reinhard’s bed.
He gripped his knife harder, palms sweating. ‘This is it.’
Making as little movement as possible, Subaru slipped his hand into his pocket, reaching for his onion. He took it out, and held it over Reinhard’s face.
Subaru raised his knife, and -
As if imitating Felt, Reinhard jumped up, instantly alert. Except, unlike Felt, Reinhard’s first movement was to punch the intruder directly in the face.
Reinhard recognised his friend a moment later, but it was too late. ‘No, no, no… SUBARU!’
Subaru’s vision went dark.
-
Subaru was lying in bed, reading manga. In… Japan. ‘What?! I’m back?!’ He sat up, and set down his manga. ‘No…’
‘I look the exact same as I did two years ago, which means I must have… Returned by Death-‘
Subaru then realised. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t make a single noise.
All he could do was think.
“I’m hungry. Might as well go get some snacks.” Subaru muttered to himself.
‘Wait what-‘
‘I didn’t say that. So I’m… watching a memory.’
Subaru watched in silence as he shrugged on his tracksuit jacket, and stepped outside his bedroom.
Subaru watched as he walked down the hall.
Subaru watched as he opened the house door.
Subaru watched as his mother called out to him.
‘I’m going out.’ Subaru usually said.
“Take care!” His mother would reply.
No.
Please.
No.
‘Alright.’ ‘Bye, Mom.’ ‘See you soon.’ ‘I’m heading out.’ ‘I will.’ ‘Thanks.’
He could have said anything.
Anything.
They would be his last words to his mother.
‘I love you, Mom.’ Subaru didn’t say.
Subaru shut the door behind him.
-
The first thing Subaru felt was the feeling of his tears running uncontrollably down his face.
The second thing Subaru felt was a pair of arms wrapped tightly, comfortably around him.
The third thing Subaru felt was the tears of another person that had soaked his shirt.
The fourth thing Subaru felt was complete and utter grief.
So Natsuki Subaru buried his face in Reinhard van Astrea’s chest, and cried his heart out.
Five minutes later, Subaru had run out of tears. “... thanks Rein. You really are an amazing guy.”
“Anytime, Subaru.” Reinhard smiled back up at Subaru, eyes red too.
“Hey, now that I think about it, why were you crying?” Subaru questioned.
Reinhard looked down, embarrassed. “I… I couldn’t stand the sight of you suffering. You are my dear friend, Subaru.”
Subaru turned a little red. “Aww, thanks Rein, you too.” He grinned.
“Wait… does that mean I won?!” Subaru suddenly exclaimed.
“I admit it does.” Reinhard responds. “Well played, Subaru.”
“HA! I told you I’d win!”
“But… what do I even get for winning…”
-
Reinhard van Astrea placed his hand on his hip, spread his legs out, and stuck his finger straight up, pointing at the sky.
“My name is Reinhard van Astrea! Not only am I awesome, but also the strongest man in the world!”
Reinhard’s voice echoed throughout the streets of Lugunica with the Divine Protection of Voice Amplification. Instantly, his face turned as red as his hair.
“Um… sorry, everyone!” Reinhard yelled again.
Subaru laughed.