Archive of Our Own

Franklin Edward Kaspbrak is nine years old. Actually, he’s ten in a month if anyone asks! He’s three foot eleven inches, with curly brown hair and big blue eyes, and he’s got a frown so mean it could scare people. He’s also got ADHD and a tendency to run his mouth, and anger issues so bad that it scares him at times. He’s the middle child of Edward and Myra Kaspbrak, and up until recently, his parents were still married; for some reason. Now, though, they’re separated and at one point,  he would spend one week with his mom, and one with his dad, and switch! Though, he’d prefer it if he’d never see his mom ever again. He’s got an older sister, who’s fifteen and super cool, not that he’d admit that to her. And then there’s his little brother, who’s freshly three years old and a pain in his backside, though he doesn’t love him any less.

Just over two months ago, his dad went on an unplanned trip, which had been weird. Dad isn’t one for spontaneity, and even if Frank had cried and begged that he doesn’t leave them alone with their mother, dad had still gone. He’d said it was only for a few days, but by the time he’d come back, it had been over a week. That week was hell. Mom wasn’t the best to begin with, anyway, and she could barely handle Frank’s ADHD even when dad was there. It truly seemed like mom was going to have a mental breakdown. Frankie’s grateful for his big sister, she truly stepped into the parental role when mom turned nasty, like she usually did. Dad worked odd hours, Frankie was convinced it was on purpose just so he didn’t have to deal with any of them. It was no secret that his dad hadn’t wanted kids. So, Elizabeth often took on the role of mom and dad, because mom was overbearing and oddly nasty toward the older two; whilst she babied and doted on and smothered Bertie, who was one of the most stubborn and opinionated two year olds that Frankie had ever met. They knew it was because of how traumatic Bertie’s birth had been, how he was born too early, how he’d almost died,  how because of it he was always going to have health problems. If mom can’t handle Frankie’s ADHD, she certainly cannot handle her youngests epilepsy. Dad, however, had done research upon research upon research; and he was trying his hardest with his youngest…almost like he’s trying to make up for his mistakes with his older two. It’s not missed on Elizabeth and Franklin that Albert is treated differently to them, by both parents. But it doesn’t seem to annoy Eliza like it does Frankie.

When he returned home, two weeks before Bertie was due to turn three, their life imploded. Suddenly, he was asking for a divorce, coming out as gay and admitting he’d been toeing toward a relationship with someone else in the span of that week. Frankie was supposed to be sleeping, but he’d sat on the top step of their staircase and listened to his parents scream at one another until his sister had found him and taken him into her room, where little Bertie was sat on her bed covering his ears with tears streaming down his face. The three had just sat quietly on Elizabeth’s bed, Bertie curled up in her lap and bawling, while they listened to their parents screaming and shouting and throwing things. After around two hours, it went quiet, and Frankie had flinched when the bedroom door had slammed open; startling Bertie awake, who had cried himself to sleep in his sister’s arms. Dad had just come into the room and sat on the edge of the bed, and Bertie had crawled into his lap and hugged him, whilst Elizabeth had sat by his side with her head on his shoulder. Frankie had remained a little away from them, sitting tearfully as he heard his dad apologise over and over and over again.

The week where they all still lived together was hell. Elizabeth did most of the parenting, and Frankie wished she could be a normal teenager, but someone had to watch out for Bertie whilst their parents were at each other’s throats. By the end of the week, dad had moved into his own three bed apartment a few blocks away. This meant that Frankie had to share a room with his little brother, and though dad had let the pair decorate however they wanted, Frankie still hated the idea of sharing with a two year old. Lucky for him, however, Bertie often shared a bed with dad; leaving the bunkbed and toys to his big brother. When Bertie’s birthday had rolled around, they’d all tried to act normal and celebrate for his sake, but mom and dad ended up arguing toward the end and the stress had made Bertie have a seizure. The night of his third birthday was spent in the hospital, and Elizabeth was fuming with her parents.

Dad’s boyfriend is…strange. He’s the complete opposite to mom, gender aside, and at first Frankie wasn’t sure how to feel about him. They’d met him a month ago, just him by himself though they know he’s got three children of his own because dad had said. Frankie had researched him, had learned that Richie Tozier was a pretty famous comedian who had gotten his start on SNL. From the clips of his standup that he’d watched, and the articles talking about rehab and drug abuse, Frankie was gobsmacked that this was who his father had left his mother for. But, seeing the two together over a movie night and a dinner that consisted of pizza and fries, the two make sense. They tease one another, and dad had looked the happiest he’s ever looked in the whole time that Frankie’s been alive. Richie had taken his time to get to know each one of them, asking them questions and telling awful jokes that made them laugh. By the end of it, Bertie had gotten attached to him, already, and even Elizabeth seemed to really like him. And so, Frankie guessed he liked Richie, too. Because while he was a little strange, he really was funny, and Frank would do anything to see his dad smile like that all the time.

Shit hit the fan on dad’s birthday week. It was mom’s week to have them, and so dad had gone to LA to be with Richie and their friends; and so Frankie was trapped at his mom’s. It had been normal at first, those awkward and stilted conversations they’ve been having. And then it had taken a turn. Frankie had been having a bad week, truly, his behaviour was all over the place. And then his mom had come at him with sleeping pills, telling him that she’d read online that they helped with children with bad ADHD. Elizabeth had been too focussed on Bertie, who had fallen ill during in the week because of his weak immune system, and so hadn’t stepped in when mom began giving Frankie the pills. And then it had escalated. He kept protesting the pills, and so she’d hide them in his food. She’d ended up overdosing him, and dad had to be called back to New York. Social services were called, and now Frankie has to sit in play therapy whilst his dad pushes for full custody of the three of them. They’re living with him full time while the divorce proceedings continue, and Frankie prefers it, though he and his dad aren’t very close.

Thirteen hours in a car with a three year old is probably the most stressed that Frankie has ever felt. They can only keep him entertained for so long, and they’d set off so early in the morning so that they could reach Atlanta in time for dinner. They all, except dad because he’s driving, sleep on and off; and the moment they cross the state line into Georgia, Frankie is filled with relief. He almost lets out a cry of joy when they reach their hotel. It’s a pretty quick, head in, get showered, get dressed and head back out to go and have dinner to meet dad’s boyfriend’s children.

Thanksgiving is usually a snooze fest. Dad doesn’t really have a ‘side of the family’ since his mom passed away when Frankie was two, and he and Elizabeth didn’t get along with mom’s side. They always asked invasive questions, made odd comments and then just stuck them on the kids table with the cousins that they don’t like. Mom’s relatives loved Bertie, though, because he was a baby who had barely been talking for a long time(even though he was speaking before the average age). This year, however, they’re spending Thanksgiving with his dad’s friends that they’ve never heard of or met before and it’s entirely out of Frankie’s comfort zone.

“I want the best behaviour from all three of you, okay?” Dad says once they’re parked in the parking lot to the Italian restaurant they were going to be eating at. Frankie looks to his brother, who’s cranky because it’s 8pm and it’s past his bedtime and he’s hungry. This was a recipe for disaster, in Franklin’s humble opinion.” I know it probably doesn’t seem like it, but this is really important to me, okay? Richie’s children are…they’re important to him, and you guys are important to me, and we really want you to get along.”

“It’ll be okay, dad.” Eliza says and dad glances to her, at where she’s sat beside him in the passengers seat. She gives him a reassuring smile and he lets out a nervous sigh before he says,” yeah…yeah, let’s get you guys fed!”

Richie has three children, two daughters and one son. His eldest is his sixteen year old son, Anakin, who’s almost as tall as Richie is and shares wild brunette curls like he does, too. His brown eyes shine behind his glasses, and he’s smiling at his dad as the Kaspbrak’s enter. Beside him is his twin sister, Veronica, who’s surprisingly short, shorter than Elizabeth is. She’s got wild brunette curls too, but her eyes are blue like her dad, also shining under wire glasses frames. Shes rolling her eyes playfully at something her dad is saying, and standing and holding Richie’s hand, is his youngest. Andrea is taller than Frankie is, without a doubt, and her dark blonde hair sits in neat curls just below her shoulders. Unlike her siblings, she doesn’t have any glasses, and she has big brown eyes similar to her brothers. She’s clinging to her dad like her life depends on it, and Richie’s eyes light up the moment he spots dad walking into the restaurant.

“It’s the Kaspbrak’s!” Richie cheers, and immediately, Bertie is sprinting toward him and giggling out a,” Wichie, Wichie!” The comedian laughs and scoops the three year old up into his arms, and he blows a raspberry onto his cheek, which makes him squeal out loud giggles. Frankie spots Andrea frown at that interaction, and that instantly makes him dislike her.

Elizabeth, ever the extrovert, is immediately introducing herself to Anakin and Veronica. Dad nudges Frank towards Andrea, who’s staring him down, and Frank just shakes his head and clings on tightly to his dad’s sleeve. Dad just sighs, half hugging Richie, and pressing a gentle kiss to his jaw before they’re following their server to their table. The restaurant isn’t very busy, given that it’s eight o clock, and they’re seated at a pretty big table. Frankie sticks to his dad’s side, whilst Bertie is in between dad and Richie. On Richie’s left is Andrea, and then Anakin, and then it’s Veronica and Elizabeth; who are getting on like a house on fire.

“So, Franklin, how’s school?” Richie asks once they’ve ordered their food and Bertie is preoccupied with a children’s pack. Andrea and Franklin had been offered their own, but had each turned it down. Andrea, however, is on her phone; which Frankie is instantly jealous of. She’s eleven and has her own phone, and he thinks that’s unfair.

“It’s okay.” Frankie responds, short and to the point as he usually is. Bertie shows him a red crayon and he smiles at his brother before Richie asks,” you still doing your after school art club on Thursdays?”

“Yeah.” Frankie replies, and Richie flashes him a smile before saying,” I’d love to see your art sometime.”

“He will only show Eliza so, good luck.” Dad comments with a smile, ruffling his middle son’s hair. Frankie bats his hand away with a frown.

“I get it, us creative folk are touchy about our work.” Richie says and that manages to make Frank smile a little. Richie smiles back, and then glances beside him at his youngest, spotting her texting on her phone under the table.” Andrea, come on! Socialise, get to know the Kaspbrak’s!”

“I’m talking to mom.” Andrea responds, to which her older brother looks down at her phone and proceeds to say,” no, you’re texting Millie.”

“Phone. Now!” Richie demands, holding his hand out for his daughter’s phone. Andrea just looks him dead in the eye, and to the Kaspbrak’s surprise, responds boldly with a,” no.”

Frankie’s spoken to his parents like that before, of course he has, but it was when he was younger; only a tiny bit older than Bertie. His parents had disciplined him enough so that he’d never do it again, that’s one thing his mom and dad were somewhat good at, discipline. Richie, however, just stares his daughter down and demands again, just to be met with another stern no from Andrea.

“You’re such a narc!” Andrea snaps at Anakin, who swipes his hand across to steal her phone, which he gets successfully. She yells at him and clambers out of her seat to get it back when he holds it above their heads with a shit eating grin on his face. Frankie and his siblings wouldn’t dare act like that in public.

“Oh fuck you!” Anakin gasps when Andrea punches him in the crotch, which makes him drop the phone and double over, retching slightly, which panics Bertie. He clings onto dad’s arm, and dad rubs soothing circles into his back.

Richie looks a little out of his depth as Anakin limps his way over to the bathroom, whilst Andrea cries because her brother smashed her phone. Veronica sits quietly in slight embarrassment and Richie begins to rub at his temples whilst the four Kaspbrak’s watch everything unfold. The next words out of Richie’s mouth shocks them,” I’ll replace it, okay, Princess…just stop crying. Please.” As Veronica rolls her eyes, it dawns on Frankie that this must happen a lot. Andrea clambers onto her dad’s lap, smashed phone in hand, and sobs into his shoulder. Richie wraps his arms around her and tries to soothe her, and dad is watching in disbelief at what he’s just seen.

Anakin returns from the bathroom, spots his dad comforting his little sister, and sighs out,” you cannot be serious!”

“You smashed her phone what else was I supposed to do?” Richie states as his son sits back down, and he looks furious as he responds with,” she punched me in the dick! You’ve gotta discipline her, not baby her, for fuck’s sake dad!”

“Language!” Richie scolds and Anakin rolls his eyes before looking to his twin, who just gives him a sympathetic smile before she turns back to Eliza and continues their conversation.

“You let her walk all over you!” Anakin begins angrily.

“I’m not having this conversation right now.” Richie simply responds as he rubs Andrea’s back. That seems to annoy his son even more.

“I’m being serious! We get told off when we do shit wrong, she doesn’t! Not when it’s your week! Mom disciplines her but you undermine it by having no backbone! She’s got you wrapped around her little finger because she’s a manipulative bitch!” Anakin snaps, and in a low tone, Richie responds with,” that’s a nasty thing to call your sister! I am not having this conversation with you here, Anakin! We will discuss it at another time but for now…we’re having a nice dinner with my boyfriend and his children!”

The arguing is making Frankie a tiny bit panicked, and it’s like dad can sense it because he slowly grabs a hold of his hand in a way to soothe him. Oddly, it works, and Frankie doesn’t listen to that first instinct telling him to pull away from his dad’s affections like he usually does. With one hand, dad is soothing Bertie by rubbing his back, and with the other hand, he’s tracing over Frankie’s knuckles in a rhythm that’s reminding him to breathe. It’s a technique his therapist had taught them.

Franklin likes to think he’s the type of person who sits back and observes, so throughout dinner, that’s exactly what he does. For instance, he can tell Anakin is stewing in his anger from the way he keeps chewing on the inside of his cheek and throwing glares at his little sister any chance he gets. He can tell Andrea takes pride in her appearance, given that she’s dressed smarter than her older siblings. She’s sat in a white turtleneck sweater and a beige skirt with black tights, her hair half up and half down secured in place with a white bow.  Anakin is in a graphic tshirt, a plaid shirt and jeans, whilst Veronica is in a loud blue and white Hawaiian tshirt, black jeans and a leather jacket (that’s dangling off the back of her chair) with her hair pulled up into a messy ponytail. His sister looks the most relaxed he’s seen her, being allowed to act like a teenager for once as she laughs with Veronica. Bertie is insanely cranky and is half asleep eating his pizza. Dad’s looking at Richie with an expression Frankie had never seen on his face when he looked at mom. He’s looking at Richie with so much love that it’s suffocating, and Richie’s looking back at him the exact same way.

The moment dad is actually able to eat his food, because Bertie isn’t taking up all of his attention or stealing pasta from his bowl, Bertie opens his mouth and says,” I go potty.”

“Okay.” Dad sighs, going to stand up, but Eliza cuts across with a,” I’ll do it.”

“No no, you two stay put. I’ll do it, if that’s okay with you, Eds?” Richie asks and Eddie looks at him, and then to Bertie, before he nods. Richie takes Bertie’s hand and heads off toward the family changing room with Bertie’s backpack on his shoulder, and again, Frankie doesn’t miss the glare on Andrea’s face directed toward his three year old brother. He really doesn’t like her. Sure, Bertie can be a bit much sometimes, but he’s three and he’s been through so much already; and Andrea is some stranger that doesn’t get to hate on him. He’s a pain in the ass but he’s a Kaspbrak’s pain in the ass

The moment that Richie is gone, Anakin turns to his sister and says,” right, listen here! Your phone is fine, there’s literally no reason for dad to buy you a new one.”

“You smashed the screen.” Andrea reminds him and Anakin rolls his eyes before he’s saying,” you can still use it! The phone still functions! You just want dad to spend unnecessary money on you because you know that when you cry he’ll throw money at the problem to resolve it.”

“You’re just jealous because he’s always loved me more than you!” Andrea spits out, tone cruel. Dad audibly gasps, Veronica is sitting in her seat fuming, Eliza is staring at the table, and Frankie just watches as Anakin grinds his teeth together and has to walk outside for some air, grumbling to his twin that he,” needs to leave before (he) does or says something (he) regrets.”

The moment Anakin leaves, his sisters immediately start arguing, and it makes a weight hit Frankie in the chest. He doesn’t know what it is, but it feels like it’s burning a little, and he feels warm and suddenly the table is too crowded and it’s making him claustrophobic. The girls are yelling, Eliza’s trying to play devils advocate, and Frank shies away from his dad’s attempts at comfort as his breathing comes in quicker and quicker.

“Franklin, can you hear me?” Dad is asking, and even though he’s right next to him, he sounds incredibly far away. Frank’s eyes fill with tears that are desperately trying to fall, and he watches as his dad turns to Richie’s daughters and snaps out,” Will you two stop it? That’s enough. We are out in public and this behaviour isn’t acceptable! You’re upsetting my son!”

“You can’t talk to us like that, you’re not our dad!” Andrea argues back whilst Veronica instantly apologises. Dad just glares at the younger girl, about to say something, when Richie returns with Bertie on his hip, looking confused at the scene in front of him.

“Whats happened? Where’s Anakin? Why’s Frankie crying?” He asks, and with shaking hands, Frankie wipes at his eyes, unaware that his tears had even broken free. Richie’s eyes fall on dad’s face, at the anger that’s across it, and he instantly looks to his youngest daughter, who’s glaring at dad. Richie proceeds to ask,” what’s wrong?”

“Andie was rude to Ani and so he left to calm down. Then Andie and I started arguing and it upset Frank and so Eddie kind of told us to knock it off. Then Andie was rude to Eddie.” Veronica explains in a slight ramble, looking a little embarrassed as eyes fall onto Frankie as he’s trying to gasp in his breaths. He can feel himself becoming a little calmer, the burning beginning to subside, but he’s not quite there yet.

“She’s lying!” Andie bursts out before her dad can say anything at all. She spots Bertie in her fathers arms, at how he’s tiredly leaning his head against her fathers shoulder, and Frankie watches as that cruel look she had before she was nasty to her own brother crosses her eye.” Why are you carrying him? He’s not your son!”

“He’s tired and wanted to be carried.” Richie responds. Andie frowns, and then begins to pull on Berties leg, making the three year old yelp in shock and pain as the eleven year old snaps out,” he’s not your dad, he’s mine!”

“Don’t do that!” Dad scolds as Richie says to his daughter,” Andrea, leave him alone!”

She pulls on his leg a little too hard, making the three year old scream in pain, and Frankie just sees Red. Veronica and Eliza are telling her to stop, while their dads are telling her off, and it’s too loud, and no one puts their hands on Franklin Kaspbrak Jr’s baby brother. Before he even realises he’s moved, Frankie’s running around to the other side of the table and shoving Andie to the ground.

“Get off of my little brother!” He yells at her, pushing her hard, and she lands on the floor with a loud slam. For a moment, nothing happens, and Frankie stands over her, breathing heavily as they all look at him in wide eyed shock, Bertie crying in pain echoing around the restaurant. And then fear crosses Andie’s face as tears spring to her eyes before she’s crying out a,” daddy!”

Richie hands a hysterical Bertie to dad, who instantly tries to soothe his son, before he’s bending down and scooping his daughter into his arms. She clings to him, sobbing, and Frankie looks from them to his sister; who has since stood up within the chaos. Immediately, Eliza opens her arms toward him, and Frankie practically sprints into them, bawling when her arms envelope him in familiar safety.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, let’s go outside.” He hears his sister saying, and she begins to guide him out of the restaurant as he hears dad say sadly to Richie,” what a disaster.”

“I’m sorry, Eds.” Frankie hears Richie respond, and then the cool November night air hits Frankie in the face the moment they’re outside. That seems to help ease his state of panic and he takes some deep breaths.

There, they find Anakin sitting on the ground, cigarette in hand. Eliza smiles to him and he smiles back before his eyes fall onto Frankie, who’s wiping his tears on his sleeve. Concern crosses his face and Eliza lets out a sigh before she’s kneeling down in front of her little brother and wiping his eyes for him with her own sleeve.

“You know violence isn’t the answer.” She tells him and Frankie sniffles.

“She was being violent first.” He responds, which alerts Anakin, who stands up and asks,” what happened in there?”

“Your dad was carrying Bertie, and Andie started to try and pull him out of his arms. Frankie was already having a panic attack but seeing his brother hurt upset him even more and he pushed your sister quite hard.” Eliza explains as she pushes Frankie’s curls out of his eyes. He sniffles again and looks at Anakin, expecting him to look mad at the fact he hurt his sister. But he doesn’t look mad, not at him, anyway.

“Your little brother is three isn’t he?” He asks Eliza, who nods.” She shouldn’t be putting her hands on a three year old, I can see why Frank snapped.”

“No one hurts Bertie.” Frankie mumbles and Eliza looks at him, eyes full of emotion as she rubs his back to calm him down.” I didn’t even let mom hurt him! I won’t let anyone hurt him, he’s a baby!”

“It’s okay.” Eliza whispers, trying to calm him down again as he feels anger bubble up once more. He takes a few more deep breaths and Anakin stomps out his cigarette before he’s saying to Frankie,” you’re a good big brother for protecting him, that’s what good big brothers do. I’m sorry my sister was trying to hurt him, I promise she’s not usually like this. Our parent’s divorce hit her hard and I guess she never thought dad would move on but…he has. She was rude to mom’s new girlfriend at first but she doesn’t have kids so I guess she didn’t feel all that threatened. I think that’s what the issue is here.”

“She thinks we’re replacing her.” Eliza states and Anakin nods. Frankie just shrugs. He doesn’t care that she found her parents divorce hard, from what he knows, her parents are still best friends and coparent nicely. It doesn’t give her a right to be mean to his three year old brother.

“Franklin.” Dad’s voice calls out as the rest of them leave the restaurant, and from the tone of dad’s voice, Frankie can tell he’s mad. He lets out a sigh and just grabs ahold of his sister’s hand. He doesn’t want to be told off right now, he just wants to go to the hotel and sleep.

“Dad wants you.” Eliza states and Frankie shakes his head as he whispers,” he’s mad at me.”

“You don’t know that.” She tells him and he looks up at her, blue eyes big and sad.

“I can tell by his voice.” He tells her. He’s heard the tone a billion times. He knows when his dad is angry with him. She just looks down at him, and then looks over at dad, before she says,” you need to go and talk with dad. I’m not your parent, Frank, I’m your sister. Dad needs to talk with you.”

Reluctantly, Frankie lets go of Eliza’s hand and heads over to his dad. Berties asleep against his shoulder, still sniffling some tears, and Frankie just looks at him and feels a little envious. His dad barely carried him like that as a toddler. He’s rubbing soothing circles onto Berties back and that envy in Frank’s gut roils into slight ugly anger. He takes some deep breaths again, desperate to stay calm. Richie’s leading his children away to his car, and Frankie guesses that’s the goodbye for tonight. Andie is arguing with her dad while the twins try not to laugh behind them, it’s evident that Andie doesn’t get scolded often as she’s sobbing at Richie telling her off. Frank would almost be amused if he wasn’t feeling so upset and angry.

Eliza grabs Bertie’s backpack from dad and searches for his pacifier inside as he starts to fuss in his arms, and Frankie can’t stand looking at at them for any longer, so he looks at his shoes. At his falling apart red converse, because they can’t afford new ones. None of his clothes are shiny and nice like the Tozier’s. He doesn’t even look up when dad calls his name, tone attempting to be softer even though it’s obvious to Frankie that his dad is furious with him. He just wishes he’d stop disappointing him but he can’t help his anger.

“I don’t know why I get angry and lash out.” Frankie explains to Ms Winters, his nice therapy lady who lets him play with Lego. He puts a red four piece on a green six piece and smiles. She smiles as she watches him.

“Does it feel like the only option sometimes?” She asks him and Frankie nods.” Like you have so many emotions inside that you don’t know what to do with them or how to express them?”

“Yeah, I don’t know. I think so.” Frankie responds. Sometimes it feels like Ms Winters can see inside of his head at exactly how his brain works.” I don’t like being angry all the time, and I don’t like hurting people. I want to be a good boy so my dad can love me like he loves Bertie.”

“Your dad loves you very much, Franklin. The exact same amount of love he has for Bertie and Beth, he also has for you. You’ll understand that one day.” Ms Winters tries to reassure him. Frankie just shrugs and cheers when he shows her his helicopter. She applauds him and the pride is evident on her face, making him beam happily. People who weren’t his sister were rarely ever proud of him.

“Franklin, can you look at me?” Dad asks and Frank just continues to stare at his shoes. He hears his dad sigh and he almost flinches at the disappointment ebbing out of it.” You can’t hit people, we’ve spoken about this.”

“She was hurting my brother.” Frankie mumbles, still not daring to look up because now the tears are lining his eyes again.

“The answer isn’t to push her over, we’ve spoken about this, Frank. You let an adult solve the problem, not create a bigger one.” Dad states as Beth manages to place Bertie’s pacifier in his mouth. He settles down, his head against dad’s shoulder, eyes shut.” You’ve been working so hard on emotional regulation in therapy, what happened?!”

“I was trying to calm down but she made it worse by hurting Al!” Frankie responds, eyes still firmly fixed on the floor so it’s like he’s talking to his shoes.” She started it, dad, she was hurting him! I won’t let anyone hurt him! I’m his big brother, it’s my job to protect him!”

There’s a whine from Bertie as dad passes him to Eliza, along with the car keys. Eliza takes Bertie over to the car, and dad kneels down to Frankie’s height, making his anxiety spike and his breathing pick up. This is it, his scolding he doesn’t want to face, the disappointment he doesn’t want to see. Dad takes his trembling hands into his own, opening his mouth to speak, and Frankie retracts his hands harshly and runs over to his sister before dad can saying anything.

“Franklin!” Dad calls out as he follows but Frankie just shakes his head and scrambles into the car, scrambling onto his car seat and fumbling with his seatbelt, ignoring his own tears as he silently sobs against the window. Berties fast asleep in his car seat beside him, and Eliza’s texting on her phone in the front passengers seat when dad gets in the car himself, sighing slightly.

Frankie ends up falling asleep in the car. He’s slightly conscious, he can still hear the engine and the tinny hum of music playing through Eliza’s headphones, and his little brother’s snores. He can even feel when the car comes to a stop, but he can’t open his eyes, he’s far too tired. His head lulls against his shoulder, mouth parted, deep sleeping breaths being drowned out by Bertie’s snores.

“You take Bear, I’ve got Frank.” He hears his dad say to Beth, and then he feels his seatbelt being unbuckled and his head goes from lulling on his own shoulder, to resting on his dads, the faint scent of his cologne bringing some safety to Frankie as he’s carried inside.” Poor kids tired himself out from crying.”

“They both have.” Elizabeth agrees as they walk down the hall to their room.

“I wasn’t going to shout at him like your mom used to, Beth. I swear. I just…I’m trying to parent him and it’s like it freaks him out.” Dad explains, fumbling for the room key as his fifteen year old states,” what he did was wrong, he’ll realise that soon enough. You’re allowed to tell him off, he’s your son, and just because he’s got slight behavioural issues it doesn’t mean he’s exempt from taking responsibility for his actions. You’ve just got to be gentle with him, dad. He’s a sensitive kid, he always has been.”

“Stop growing up on me.” Dad chuckles, and Elizabeth laughs too before the door opens and they head inside, and Frankie slips into a deep sleep the moment they cross the threshold into the hotel room.

The first time he wakes, it’s because he needs to use the bathroom. He’s tucked up in the top bunk of the bunk bed he’s sharing with his sister, changed into his blue pyjamas covered in trains, and he quietly hurries down the ladder and across the room to the bathroom. His sister is fast asleep on her bunk, headphones in her ears, and his baby brother is fast asleep on the bed he’s going to be sharing with their dad, his snores echoing around the room. Dad, however, is no where to be found until Frankie is done using the restroom and spots him out on the balcony, on a FaceTime with Richie. At first, he wasn’t going to eavesdrop, truly, but dad says something that catches his attention and he stops dead in his tracks.

“I think it’s too much change too fast for Frank.” He says.” He can’t cope well with change as it is and I just think it’s too much for him right now.”

“Would it be easier if we broke up?” Comes Richie’s miserable reply and Frankie watches his dad frown and immediately respond with,” no, Rich. That’s the last thing I want it’s just…the day Elizabeth was born I promised I’d be a good father to her and to any other kids if I had anymore and…I haven’t been that. I love you almost more than anything in this world, it’s just that I need to put my kids first-

“I’d be confused if you weren’t putting them first, Eds.” Richie states and dad smiles affectionately at him. Then, his smile drops, and the next words out of his mouth makes Frankie’s heart drop into his stomach, “I just want my son to stop hating me.”

He’s never heard his dad so tearful before, and he doesn’t hear Richie’s reply as he rushes off back up to his bed. He throws his comforter over himself and tries to calm himself down. He doesn’t hate his dad, he actually loves him very much. He just doesn’t know how to express that or tell him that when envy grabs ahold of him over Bertie; and he knows he shouldn’t be jealous of his brother, it’s not Bertie’s fault, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t ever believe he and his dad will be as close as dad and Bertie are. He can’t help being jealous.

The next time he wakes up, it’s because of a nightmare. He can’t remember it entirely, but he knows his mom was involved, and fear grips him as he tries to steady his breathing. Part of him wants to cuddle with his dad, and he clambers down the ladder, stopping at the edge of dad’s bed. Dad is fast asleep, curled up beside Bertie, who’s lying flat on his back and snoring loudly. Dad is snoring too, a hand in Bertie’s curls, his arm across the toddlers stomach. Frankie can’t disturb them, not when they’re so peaceful, and instead he just tucks his jealousy away somewhere else and nudges his sister awake.

“Hmm?” Eliza grunts, frowning and rubbing at her eyes before she’s taking out her headphones. Frank sniffles back some tears and Beth quietly lifts her comforter. He lies down beside her, safety enveloping him as she hugs him, wrapping them up in the comforter.” She can’t hurt you here.”

“I know.” Frankie whispers, letting out a shuddery sigh as Eliza kisses his temple and settles back down to sleep.

*

Breakfast that morning is in a little cafe opposite the hotel. Frankie’s sat in their booth, playing with his eggs, fatigue ebbing through his body as he’d had an awful nights sleep. Bertie is sat beside dad, chatting away, and dad is smiling as he listens, sitting opposite Frankie. Eliza is also indulging Bertie in his conversation, sitting opposite him and pulling faces to make him laugh. Dad taps Frankie with his foot, and Frank blinks at him tiredly. Concern is written all over the man’s face.

“We need to talk about last night.” Dad says quietly while Elizabeth is distracting Bertie. Frankie feels that familiar anxiety spike in his chest, his breathing picking up slightly.” I need you to understand that the way you behaved was wrong, okay? You can’t push people.”

“She was-“ Frankie begins but dad cuts him off with a stern,” I know, Franklin. I know, but you have to let an adult handle the situation. You can’t just resolve to violence and you know this.”

Frankie just frowns as tears line his eyes again. He places down his fork and leans against the back of the booth, arms folded. Dad sighs. He sounds disappointed with him yet again. Frankie just wishes he was able to make his dad anything other than disappointed or angry with him. That makes the lump rise in his throat and he tries to swallow his emotions down. Eliza seems to notice his struggle and she looks to their dad.

“He isn’t angry with you, Frankie. He’s just being a parent.” She begins and Frank just shrugs.” You want dad to treat you the same way he does with Bertie and I, and this is him doing that. When you misbehave, your actions need to be corrected. That is all dad is trying to do. You know that hitting Andie was wrong and that two wrongs don’t make a right.”

“You know how Ms Winters has asked you in therapy to draw your emotions because you can get them across better that way?” Dad asks and Frank nods. It’s his favourite exercise.” Do you think you could do that for me? I just…I want to know why you’re so scared of me and scared of discipline.”

Frankie stares at his dad and notices the vulnerability and worry in his eye. Frank sighs and then nods, agreeing to dad’s little exercise, and that seems to make his dad smile slightly. The nine year old shrugs and then continues to eat his breakfast when Bertie turns to him and says,” Fwankie my hewo!”

“He’s your hero, huh?” Beth asks with a smirk and Bertie nods before he says,” he saved me fwom being huwted. He so cool.”

His brother has never called him cool before and Frank can’t help the joy that hits him as he says that. He smiles shyly to his little brother, who gives him the cheesiest grin ever, and then dad is ruffling Bertie’s hair before they’re all finishing their breakfast. Frankie is Bertie’s hero. Bertie thinks Frankie is cool. Slight guilt hits him at the jealousy he keeps getting, Bertie doesn’t deserve that.

They’re staying with the Uris’ tonight, so they get dressed for the day and check out of the hotel. It’s Thanksgiving, and dad wants them dressed somewhat smartly, and so Frankie feels a little suffocated in his smart blue shirt and jeans, his beat up converse on his feet. Berties in a sweater that has a turkey on it with some jeans as well, and Eliza’s in a denim dress, her hair up in a ponytail. Dad’s dressed in a nice grey polo and some dark jeans. The radio is playing softly, but Bertie’s babbling away over the top of it, talking about anything and everything in that endearing way that toddlers do. Frankie smiles at him and Bertie giggles happily at his big brother’s smile.

The Uris’ live in a small cul de sac that has only a few other houses in it. The house is big, and detached, and has blue and white panelling on the front. The front door is a light blue, and the fencing around the outskirts of the house are white, and it looks like something out of a fairytale. The four Kaspbrak’s grab their bags, and dad takes Bertie’s hand as they walk up to the front door.

“Eddie!” Comes the gasp of a curly haired man as he open the door.

“Stanley!” Dad grins back, hugging the man quickly before he’s looking to his children and saying,” these are my kids. Elizabeth, my eldest, Franklin, my middle, and Albert, my youngest.”

“It’s nice to meet you all!” Stanley greets and the Kaspbrak’s smile politely back to him, though Frank can’t help the anxiety bubbling in his stomach as they follow Stanley into the house.

Stanley is married to a tall, blonde woman called Patty; who’s a kindergarten teacher. They have four kids together. Their eldest is nineteen years old and is called Wren. He’s partially deaf, loves football and is studying to be an accountant at Georgia Tech. He looks just like his dad, standing at the same height of 5’10, with curly brown hair and bright green eyes. Next is Robyn, who is eighteen, and who flew in from New York the night before as she attends NYU’s drama programme. She seems very aloof, and has an odd sense of humour, and she looks like her mom. Her long blonde hair flows just past her waist and her green eyes sparkle when she smiles. After Robyn is Bluejay, who is fifteen and the aspiring lawyer in the family. She’s a perfect blend of both parents, her face shape is the same as her dads, her hair is the same colour as her moms and is as long as her sisters, her eyes are blue like her name, and her smile is kind. Finally, there’s Phoenix, who is three years old and already seems like the complete opposite to Bertie. He’s shy, and quiet, and timidly hides behind his mom’s legs as Bertie comes bounding into the kitchen; excited to meet new people. Phoenix looks like a blonde version of his dad.

“Daddy, a doggy!” Bertie gasps, pointing out into the garden at where a tall, brunette man and a short, ginger woman are playing with a German Shepherd.

“I was not expecting Ben and Bev to bring Donnie.” Eddie chuckles as Patty hands him a cup of coffee. He takes it gratefully.” Bertie’s never met a dog.”

“He’s a softie.” Patty states with a smile.” Just like Ben. Now, Nix, why don’t you go and show Bertie your toys?”

Phoenix looks from his mom, who’s stroking his hair gently, to Bertie, who’s picking his nose. Dad sighs and gets Bertie’s finger out of his nostril, and Phoenix just shakes his head before he toddles over to his older sister. Bluejay grins and picks him up, bouncing him around to make him laugh. Bertie rushes to Eliza, extending his arms and wanting her to do the same with him. She laughs and complies.

“Would you like anything to drink, Frankie?” Stanley asks, clearly noticing the young boy standing and observing everyone quietly.

“Uhm…yes please.” Frankie mumbles in response, shuffling over to Stanley, who opens the fridge. It’s full of food and drinks for Thanksgiving, and the kitchen itself smells of turkey already. It’s a very comforting, cosy smell, and Frankie can tell he’s going to like it here already.

“I know you guys aren’t allowed soda so we have freshly squeezed orange juice, fresh apple juice, home made lemonade, home made ice tea. We’ve got juice packets for water, juice boxes. Whatever you want.” Stanley explains and Frankie looks at the options in front of him before he just asks,”

May I just have some water, please?”

“Just water? No juice packets or anything?” Stanley ask and Frankie shakes his head with a small smile. Stanley grabs a glass before he’s saying,” one glass of water coming up. Elizabeth, would you like anything to drink?”

“Could I have some ice tea please?” Eliza responds, resting Bertie on her hip, and he giggles a little and pokes at her face.

“Of course you can.” Stanley responds, passing Frank his water, and grabbing a glass and the jug of ice tea that Patty has prepared.” How’s Bertie on the drinks front, Eds?”

“He’s got a water bottle full of peach juice, he’s good for now, Stan. Thank you!” Dad responds, smiling as Eliza places Bertie on the ground so that she can take her drink.

Ben and Bev head back inside, their German shepherd Donnie following, and Bertie gasps loudly before he’s running over to him. Dad tells him to be gentle, and he’s met with loud, high pitched giggles from Bertie as Donnie licks at his face. Ben tries to get Donnie to ease up, but Bertie doesn’t really mind, he just continues to giggle. Slowly, Frankie walks over to the dog as well, and pats him on the head.

“He’s just a giant baby. Nothing to be scared of.” Ben reassures him with a kind smile, and Frankie smiles back to him before he’s kneeling down and petting Donnie properly. He eases up licking at Bertie’s face, and instead begins to lick at Frankie’s face; making the nine year old chuckle loudly.

“I was joking when I said Stan and Patty used a cloning machine to make their children but I’m not joking when I say Eddie definitely did!” Beverly states and the three siblings glance to one another, before they glance to their dad, who laughs and says,” unfortunately not, I just think my genes are strong.”

“Thank fuck for that.” Bev states, making dad laugh harder. He looks incredibly relaxed with these people, and that lets Frankie know that he can trust them.

The door knocks, which makes Donnie trot off after Patty as she heads to open it. Frankie ends up standing by his dad while Bertie toddles over to Ben and starts babbling at him. Ben kneels to his height and listen to him, smiling and indulging in conversation whilst Eliza and Robyn instantly break into conversation with Beverly about fashion. Wren is helping his dad with checking the food, and Bluejay is making Phoenix laugh by throwing him up into the air and catching him. Dad looks to Frankie, who just stands quietly and observes; and then they hear the Tozier’s enter before they see them and on instinct, Frankie shuffles closer to his dad, anxiety bubbling through his veins.

Richie instantly rushes to Stanley and pulls him into a hug, which makes him yelp loudly as he’d been checking on the turkey. Ronnie hugs Bluejay, leading Frankie to believe that they’ve spoken or met before. Anakin awkwardly shuffles in to greet everyone and Andie just stands quietly beside her own dad in a similar way the Frankie is doing. The two lock eyes and she glares at him, and he rolls his eyes before he’s going back to watching his brother talk with Ben.

“And that’s not all!” Patty states, revealing three more people (two guys and a little girl around Bertie’s age), and the group of adults cheer out,” Bill and Mike!” happily as Richie asks,” did you two come together?”

“No, we were staying at the same hotel.” Bill responds as he helps the little girl out of her coat. She’s got bright ginger hair and a small smile on her face, batting her green eyes up at him.” This is my daughter, Alice.”

“You’ve cloned Audra!” Richie jokes and Bill snorts out a laugh as he playfully rolls his eyes. Once Alice is free of her coat, she rushes over to Bertie, instantly trying to make friends.

The room is bustling with noise, and it takes everything in Frankie to not cover his ears. It’s a little painful, and a lot overwhelming, and he just stays by his dad’s side as Patty grabs everyone’s attention to go over the sleep arrangements. Bill and Ben are in the basement, dad and Richie are in the attic, Mike and Bill are sharing the pullout in the living room. The older boys are in Wren’s room, the older girls in Bluejay’s, whilst the toddlers are all in with Phoenix. They all begin to shuffle off to their respective areas, and Frankie quietly carries his bag as he follows Wren and Anakin to Wrens room.

“Yeah, we’ve got two birds, a cat and some fish.” Wren is saying and Frankie realises they’re talking about pets.” The birds are mine and Robyn’s, they’re called John and Lennon. The fish are called George ans Ringo, and then Bluejay and Phoenix share the cat and he’s called Paul McCartney.

“His full name?” Anakin asks with a laugh and Wren grins as he nods.” Wow, I’m assuming you like The Beatles?”

“Mom loves The Beatles.” Wren responds.” What about you guys? Do you have any pets?”

“Four rats! They’re mine and Ronnies. Andies scared of them.” Anakin replies and Frankie’s impressed. He’s never met someone who has pet rats before.” Mine are Rizzo and Sweetums, and Ronnie’s are Gonzo and Pepe. They’re all from the same litter.”

“Ah, the muppets.” Wren comments and Anakin grins before he replies with,” dad raised us on the muppets. What about you, Frankie? Do you guys have any pets?”

“No.” Frankie replies quietly.” Mom wasn’t the biggest fan of animals, and we haven’t really been living without her long enough to even think about getting an animal yet.”

“If you could have any pet, what would you have?” Wren asks him as they finally make it upstairs. Frankie thinks for a moment before he replies with,” maybe a dog. I liked Donnie.”

“Your brother seemed to like Donnie, too.” Wren says with a smile before he’s opening up his bedroom door.

Wrens room is bigger than Bertie and Frank’s. It’s in a scheme of different shades of blue, and he’s got a king sized bed with dark blue sheets on it. There’s two air mattresses on the floor with clean plain white sheets on them, he’s got a desk piled with books, a book shelf also piled with books and videos games, and he has a huge flat screen tv with a PlayStation. His walls are lined with photos of him and his sisters when they were younger, there’s one of Phoenix’s sonogram, one of wren holding Phoenix as a baby, and there’s a few of him and girl that Frankie is assuming is his girlfriend. Curled up on the end of his bed is who Frank is guessing is Paul McCartney; a big, ginger cat, who’s fast asleep.

“Oh cool, Lego Avengers!” Anakin cheers as he looks through the video games on the shelf. Frankie places his bag down by his mattress and just glances around the room.

“We can play if you want to, dinner won’t be another few hours yet.” Wren says and Frankie instantly responds with,” I’ll have to ask my dad. I’m not usually allowed to play video games.”

“It’s Thanksgiving. I’m sure he’ll say yes.” Anakin responds as he pulls the game out, Wren grabbing some controllers. Frankie just smiles before he heads out of the room.

There’s laughter coming from Robyn’s room, and the door is slightly ajar. Frankie can see Beth, Andie and Robyn playing around in Robyn’s make up and laughing happily, bright grins on their faces. It’s nice to see Eliza acting like a teenager, and Frankie happily continues his way downstairs. The living room is pretty busy. Mike is playing with Alice in the corner, making the girl giggle while Bill is talking with Beverly about something, a grin on his face as she playfully rolls her eyes at him. Ronnie and Bluejay are doing a toddler puzzle with Phoenix on the floor, and Ben’s making a fuss of Donnie while he talks with Stanley; meaning Patty’s checking on their food. Richie is sat with dad, chewing on his nails, whilst it looks like dad is scolding Bertie; whose back is towards Frankie.

“Dad.” Frankie begins but dad just instantly says,” not now, Frank” as he looks back to Bertie and coos,” it’s okay, Albie. Daddy’s here, it’s okay” whilst he strokes his hair.

“Anakin and Wren are playing on Wren’s PlayStation, can I play?” Frankie tries again but dad just sighs out a,” not now, Frank!”

“But I just-“ Frankie begins and dad glares up at him as he snaps out,” I’m busy, Franklin, you can clearly see that! You know you aren’t allowed to play video games, so no you can’t play! You know the rules!”

Bertie lets out a whimper, and dad’s expression softens as his attention turns back onto him, examining him as anger and jealousy brew in Frankie’s chest. He turns on his heels and storms off upstairs, lump in his throat as he heads into Wren’s room. The two teenagers are waiting for him, the game set up, and he just tells them he isn’t allowed before he’s going back downstairs with his therapy sketch pad and his pencil case in hand. He finds solace in the conservatory, where John and Lennon the birds are tweeting away. He sits down, sniffing back tears as he begins to draw in the sketch pad, ignoring how his vision blurs with the tears that want to fall. His bottom lip wobbles and his chest heaves with emotion before he’s letting out a small sob as he draws, some of his tears falling directly onto the paper.

“Hey kid.” Comes a voice from the doorway and Frankie jumps as he wipes his eyes on his sleeve. Richie is standing in the doorway watching him, and Frank just stares at him as he makes his way into the room.” May I sit?” Frankie shrugs and Richie takes that as a yes, sitting down beside him.” He didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“He does it all the time. I just wanted to play with the older boys.” Frankie cries out and Richie glances at the sketch pad before he’s saying,” your brother was having a seizure, Frankie. One of those absent ones. Your dad was just stressed out, he didn’t mean to snap.”

The anger and jealousy around his brother subsides as worry fights in its place. Frank looks at his sketch pad, at his drawing, as he’s asking,” is he okay?”

“He was complaining of a headache, he got too excited playing with Donnie and your dad thinks it set off a seizure. He’s alright, just a tiny bit disoriented, he should be okay. You know how the absent ones work better than me. I was ready to call for an ambulance.” Richie replies.

“We only call an ambulance if the absents are longer than thirty seconds at a time, or if he’s having a fit.” Frankie responds and Richie smiles softly at him before he’s asking,” what’re you drawing?”

“It’s for therapy.” Frank replies and he can’t hide it, Richie’s already seen it. So, he points to the different elements, talking him through it.” This is dad and Bertie.” Dad has Bertie in his arms, wide smiles on their faces.” And this is me.” Frankie’s standing there watching them, a storm of red and green battling in his stomach.

“What’s the red and green cloud?” Richie asks and it makes Frankie a little embarrassed as he explains with,” anger and jealousy. It’s…it’s what I feel sometimes when I see dad and Bertie like that. I never got that when I was little. I don’t mean to feel like that, I just…do.”

“And does that make you sad?” Richie asks. Frankie nods.” Have you told your dad about this?” Frankie shakes his head as he replies with,” he loves Bertie more than me, I don’t want him to love me less because of stupid emotions.”

“That’s not true.” Richie tells him and Frankie just stares down at his drawing.” Your dad loves you so much. He loves you the same amount as he does Bertie and Elizabeth. He loves all three of you so so much. All he talks about is you three, you’re his pride and joy. I just think that you and your dad clash so much because you’re very similar people.”

“We are?” Frankie asks, looking up at Richie with his blue, sad eyes. Richie nods.” I didn’t think we were.”

“Oh you’re just like your dad.” Richie begins.” He’s in therapy too, you know? He’s doing his best. He’s got a lot of emotions he doesn’t know how to express, just like you. And you know your mom, how she hurt you?” Frankie nods.” Your grandma hurt your dad in similar ways. He feels very guilty for what happened to you, Frank. He never wanted his children to go through what he did.”

“I didn’t know that.” Frankie says sadly and Richie nudges his shoulder as he softly states,” your dad is your dad, but he’s also a human being. And he makes mistakes, lots of them. And he worries a lot, about all three of you. I promise he loves you with every fibre of his being, he just sucks at saying it sometimes.”

“I’m glad dad chose you.” Frankie admits, and he startles a little as tears begin to fill Richie’s eyes.” Oh, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry!”

“Happy tears, Frankie, happy tears.” Richie chuckles.” Can I hug you?”

“Okay.” Frankie smiles and then he chuckles too as Richie pulls him into a hug. It’s nice. Like being hugged by a bear, and it makes Frankie feel very safe which he didn’t think would happen if his dad ended up in a new relationship. Frankie’s decided that Richie is cool and he wants Richie to stick around for the long run. Little does he know, Richie’s going to marry his dad within a year.

“Franklin, can I talk with you?” Comes another voice from the doorway. Frank and Richie move out of their hug to find dad standing there with Bertie fast asleep in his arms.

“Why don’t you show your dad your drawing?” Richie whispers to him and Frankie nervously looks from Richie to dad before he reluctantly nods. Richie smiles and shuffles up on the couch so Eddie can sit in between them, which he does.” I can take Bertie, Spaghetti man.”

“Don’t call me that.” Dad sighs as he passes the snoozing three year old to Richie, who cradles him carefully as if he’s his own. Bertie doesn’t even stir, he just continues to softly snore away. Frankie looks to his dad before he’s looking at his drawing.

“This is you and Bertie.” He begins to explain, and dad quietly listens to him.” And this is me, and I’ve got a storm of jealousy and anger in me because whenever I see you and Bertie I get angry and jealous because we’re not like that. And I know it’s stupid to be jealous of my three year old brother, but I can’t help it, and it feels like you love Bertie more than me!”

Once Frankie’s ramble is over with, he closes his sketch pad and puts it onto the coffee table. His dad isn’t saying anything, he’s not saying a word, and it’s like Richie can read his emotions better than anyone because he’s instantly rubbing a gentle hand on dads back before he’s giving him a tissue. The tears have only just sprung to his eyes, and Richie’s already given him a tissue. Guilt and embarrassment begins to flood Frankie as his dad just looks at him tearfully.

Dad clears his throat before he’s asking,” you think I love your brother more than I love you?”

“I…Ms Winters thinks it’s silly. Richie does too. But it’s how I feel.” Frankie replies.” You weren’t really being my dad when I was Bertie’s age. you didn’t hold me, not when I cried and not when I was sick but…I know it was mom’s fault. I know you weren’t very well because mom was hurting you too, dad. I know that now but…but it still hurts seeing how close you are with Bertie. And you get along really well with Beth, too.  It feels like you hate me sometimes.”

“I thought you hated me.” Dad admits even though Frankie had heard him say it the night before. It still makes him upset to hear his dad say that.

“I don’t hate you.” Frankie tells him.” I love you a lot and I don’t know how to say it a lot of the time but I love you, dad.”

“I love you, too.” Dad cries out before he’s pulling Frankie in for a hug that makes tears blur his own vision once more.” Please don’t ever think that I hate you or that I love you less than your brother and sister. I’m sorry so much of my time is taken up on Bertie but it’s his epilepsy. I don’t mean to make it seem like I play favourites I just…I worry about Bertie all the time. All the time! I’m sorry, Frankie. I’m sorry. I’m going to do better, I promise.”

Seeing his dad cry feels very odd. He’s seen it a few times and each time it doesn’t stop feeling odd. Dad never used to show his emotions, and so Frankie doesn’t really know what to do when he does. Luckily for him, Richie knows exactly what to do, and even if he’s got Bertie in one arm, he manages to pull dad into a hug with the other, Frankie going along with him because dads still clutching at him like a lifeline.

“No more tears, it’s Thanksgiving.” Richie says as he begins to wipe at dad’s face. Dad lets go of Frankie, who sits up straight and wipes at his own eyes. He looks over at his dad, and Richie presses a soft kiss over dad’s tear tracks, and it makes dad smile dumbly; something Frank’s never seen him do. He’s decided he likes seeing his dad happy and in love.

“Frankie.” Dad says and Frank looks at him with a small smile.” You can go and play on the PlayStation with the older boys, but only for an hour, and only if the game is age appropriate.”

“Thank you!” Frankie says excitedly, throwing his arms around his dad quickly before he’s grabbing his sketch pad and pencil case and rushing back off upstairs.

He’s intercepted on his way back to Wren’s room by Andie, who’s leaving the bathroom. Immediately, she corners him, and Frankie glares at her as she says,” I don’t like you.”

“I don’t like you, either.” He tells her.” But my dad loves yours, and I like seeing my dad happy. Just stay away from my little brother and we won’t have an issue.”

“They won’t last, I’ll make sure of it.” Is all Andie says as she skips back off to Robyn’s room. Little does she know that her plans will fail, her dad will marry Eddie Kaspbrak, and eventually Bertie will become her favourite sibling. For now, though, she just continues to play dress up with Robyn and Eliza; and Frank heads back to Wren’s room.

Wren and Anakin are nice enough to restart the game for him, and he sits between the two as they help him with the controls. Paul McCartney the cat snoozes away as the boys yell and cheer and laugh, and before Frankie knows it, an hour has passed and he’s being called downstairs by his dad. He sighs and heads off, but he’s happy, and he enjoys hanging out with the older two. When he reaches the bottom step, the door knocks, and Patty’s rushing to open it. The girl in the photos on Wrens bedroom wall is on the other side of the door, and Patty is hugging her in greeting before she’s yelling for her son to come downstairs. Frankie just continues on his way to the living room.

Phoenix and Alice are now playing together with Bill and Mike. Ronnie and Bluejay are off elsewhere, either the kitchen with Stanley, or the conservatory. Bev and Ben are fussing over Donnie and laughing together, and Bertie is still asleep in Richie’s arms. He and dad are talking, and Richie presses a gentle kiss to dad’s lips that makes his whole face light up, and Frankie tries not to be grossed out by the PDA because his dad is happy. Still, it’s weird seeing his dad kiss people.

“How was the game?” Richie asks once he spots Frankie walk in.

“It’s so much fun! I was Ironman!” Frank responds as he sits beside Richie on the couch. Dad smiles and then Bertie stirs in Richie’s arms, all of them looking at him as his eyes flutter open. He looks a little confused as to why he’s now in Richie’s arms, but the moment he sees his big brother, Bertie smiles and is reaching out for him. Cautiously, Frankie takes his baby brother and sits him on his lap; and dad grins widely.

They’ve been living solely with their dad for just over three weeks. Frankie’s still healing from his trauma, he gets panicky a lot more now, but therapy helps. He’s been having regular therapy sessions for the past three weeks, and he thinks it’s working. He likes his therapist at least. If Bertie had crawled onto his lap five weeks ago, four months ago, nine months ago…mom would’ve walked in and scooped him up, saying Frankie would hurt him. That he’s too boisterous to be around his brother. Now, though, Frankie holds onto his little brother with only slight panic, Bertie grinning happily up at him.

“I had seeshure.” Bertie tells him, shuffling around so he’s facing his brother, and Frankie grips onto him a little tighter; scared he’s going to tumble off of his lap.

“I heard. Are you okay now?” Frankie asks and Bertie nods. The nine year old presses a gentle kiss to the three year olds head, and the toddler giggles before he’s surging forward and throwing his arms around his big brother, hugging him. Frankie smiles and hugs him back happily.

“Love you, Fwankie.” Bertie mumbles and Frankie smiles wider as he replies with,” I love you too, Bear.”

Patty walks into the living room with Wren and the girl from the photos on his wall. They learn she’s his girlfriend and they’ve been dating since their senior year of High school. Her name is Belle DuPont, she’s half French, and Wren looks completely and utterly in love with her. His arm is around her waist, and she’s smiling happily as Patty introduces her, and then she and Wren head off to the kitchen to see if Stanley needs any help.

“Dad says dinner will be ready in forty minutes!” Wren calls out before he’s going back to helping his dad by setting up the table.

“I’m gonna grab Anakin and the girls!” Richie states as he stands up, heading off upstairs to get the others.

“You’ve got rosy cheeks, Bertie Bear, are you feeling okay?” Dad asks, stroking Bertie’s cheek. Bertie nods, leaning his head against Frankie’s chest and smiling.” Why don’t you go and play with Phoenix and Alice, huh?”

“Fwankie come, too?” Bertie asks, looking back up at his brother.

“Sure.” Frankie responds. He stands up, careful to keep ahold of his brother, and dad holds his hands out in case Bertie slips. Frank manages to rest his brother on his hip, but he’s a bit too heavy for him to carry. He struggles his way over to the other two toddlers, and then he places Bertie down onto the ground.” Remember, Al, you gotta share toys.”

“Okay.” Bertie replies before he’s sitting down with Phoenix and Alice. Bill and Mike smile as Frankie sits down with them, and Bertie giggles as he grabs ahold of a toy car.

Bertie plays nicely with the other toddlers, the three giggling together as Bill, Mike and Frankie quietly talk together; the two men wanting to learn more about one of their best friend’s son. Frankie talks, he doesn’t offer much about himself, but he talks a lot about his brother and his sister. Because he loves his brother and his sister, and it’s easier to talk about them than it is to talk about himself. Bill asks him about his ‘passion for art’ and Frankie smiles and then he talks about what he likes to draw, and comics he wishes to own. Suddenly, the conversation shifts and Frankie’s excitedly talking about superheroes and comic books, and his dad is smiling from where he’s watching the three on the couch before Beverly is sitting down with him and the two are swept up into their own conversation.

“Eliza!” Bertie cheers when their sister, Robyn, Andie and Anakin walk into the room with Richie following. He runs to her and she picks him up happily, kissing him on the forehead and then the cheek. Andie rolls her eyes and heads off to find her own sister as Anakin heads off to make a fuss of Donnie while Robyn sits with her mom.” I had a seeshure.”

“You did? Are you okay?” Eliza asks, full of worry as she runs a hand through Berties curls.

“I okay now. I napped on daddy and then waked up on Wichie.” Bertie explains.” I like Wichie.”

“Yeah, I do, too.” Eliza replies and then she locks eyes with Frankie. He stands up and heads over to her, hugging her tightly. He’s missed her. He’s barely seen her all day. Most days, if they’re not at school, he’s joint at his sister’s hip. She kisses the top of his head gently before she’s dragging them over to their dad.

“Dinner should be ready soon, why don’t you guys go and wash up?” Dad asks as Richie sits down on the other side of him, wrapping his arm around him, looking very content.

“Actually, Ani, can you grab your sisters so that you guys can wash up before dinner, too?” He says to his son, who nods and goes off to find his sisters.

Together, the Tozier children and the Kaspbrak children head off to wash up before dinner. They take it in turns, and Frankie watches as Andie starts antagonising Bertie; winding him up and making him whine. He can’t hear what she’s saying to him, but Frankie goes to tell her to stop. However, his older sister intercepts and picks Bertie up, taking him away from the situation to help him wash his hands. Andie looks over at Frankie, who glares at her, before he heads over to his sister. Anakin begins to scold his little sister, who tries to use her vicious tongue against him, but it doesn’t work when Ronnie also tells her off. Frankie grins in amusement before they’re heading back downstairs.

The table is full of food when they all sit down, and it’s a little overwhelming. Frankie doesn’t know where to begin, but luckily, he still has time to decide as they all share what they’re thankful for this year. Most of the adults say they’re thankful for their kids and to have their friends back in their lives, Mike says he’s thankful to be free of Derry, and each of the kids say something a little silly that their thankful for. Frankie hates it when all eyes turn to his.

“I’m thankful for…my dad…and for Richie for making dad so happy. And for my sister for always being by my side and looking after me. And Bertie, for making me smile, even if he can be irritating sometimes.” He mumbles, and dad tears up a little bit. Eliza ruffles her brother’s hair and Bertie says,” fankful for Fwankie for saving me!” which makes the table laugh- apart from Andie, who just glares daggers at the three year old. Frankie chuckles as he pats his little brother on the head.

They’re sat according to family, and it’s a bit of a squeeze in the Uris dining room. Once they’ve all stated what they’re thankful for, the room bursts into loud chatter, and Frankie begins to feel overwhelmed again. Dad’s helping Bertie plate up his dinner, and so Eliza helps Frankie with his before she does her own. She’s talking with Patty as she plates up her food, and dad is talking with Richie, Ben and Beverly as he plates up his own food. Bertie is babbling to Alice and Phoenix, while Wren and Belle are talking using their hands. Frankie watches them, fascinated, until his sister is nudging him in the ribs and telling him not to stare.

“It’s fine, he’s just curious.” Wren states as he spots Frankie watching them. Frankie flushes, a little embarrassed as he mumbles out a,” sorry” which makes Wren smile and say,” no need to apologise. It’s okay to be curious. It’s called sign language, it’s what deaf people use to communicate. Even though I can talk fine, sometimes my hearing aids can be a little too much, and I prefer to use sign language to communicate instead.”

“Can you all sign?” Dad asks Stanley, who nods and responds with,” Wren was born partially deaf. He has no hearing in his left ear and his right ear is getting worse as he gets older, and so we thought it best to learn sign language. We taught it to the girls from birth, and we’re teaching it to Nix, too. One day, Wren won’t be able to hear, and we want to be able to talk with him still.”

“That’s so sweet.” Richie states.

“It’s the bare minimum for those raising deaf kids. I don’t understand parents who refuse to learn sign language.” Belle explains and Wren smiles at her shyly.” I’m a CoDA, which is a child of deaf adults, so I’ve been signing longer than I’ve been talking. Wren and I usually only communicate in sign language. It’s really not hard to learn.”

“I want to learn!” Frankie states.

“I’ll teach you some words after dinner, how about that?” Wren asks and Frankie nods enthusiastically, and their parents watch them with soft smiles on their faces.

They’re halfway through dinner (an incredibly loud affair with eighteen people around one table) when dad notices that Bertie’s barely touched his food. Phoenix is almost done with his food, and Alice is happily making her way through hers, but Bertie hasn’t really touched his. He’s a fussy kid, but his plate has stuff that they know he’ll eat, but instead of eating he’s sitting and babbling to Beverly and Ben about everything and nothing at once. Dad nudges him.

“Eat something, please.” He states, and Bertie mumbles out,” not hungwy.”

“You’re not hungry?” Dad asks and Bertie shakes his head.” Come on, Albie, Stan and Patty have spent a lot of time today making this for us. Could you please eat something?”

“Poorwy.” Bertie whines and dad sighs as he sits Bertie down on his lap, placing a hand to his forehead. All eyes are on the two as dad asks,” Eliza, he’s burning up, could you grab the thermometer from his backpack, please?”

“I can do it, she’s eating.” Richie responds, immediately standing up. He kisses dad on the top of his head and takes off upstairs, Elizabeth smiling thankfully at him.

“I don’t think it was excitement that triggered his seizure, I just don’t think he’s very well. Sorry everyone.” Dad apologises and Frankie winces as voices overlap with “it’s okay don’t be silly” “he’s three it’s normal” “it’s November I’d be shocked if he wasn’t ill”.

“What’s wrong, Bear? Is it a tummy ache?”

Dad asks and Bertie shakes his head.” Do you have a cold?”

“Fink so.” Bertie responds. He’d woken up that morning complaining of a sore throat, and he had a slight cough, but they seemed to clear up pretty quickly so they guessed it had been nothing. Clearly, they guessed wrong.

Richie returns with the thermometer in hand, and Bertie whines as dad places it into his ear. It beeps, and dad’s brows furrow as he reads the screen. He sighs and glances to Richie as he says,” low grade fever. There’s some Tylenol in my bag, are you okay to grab it?”

“We have some, don’t move!” Patty replies, standing up and rushing off to grab the medicine. Dad grabs Bertie’s water bottle full of apple juice, ready to give it to him once he’s taken the medication, because he hates taking medication.

It’s a slight wrestle to get the Tylenol into Bertie, but he just sips on his juice afterwards as dad cradles him. That odd jealousy flares up in Frankie once more, and he desperately pushes it down as he shovels mashed potato into his mouth. Wren notices his turmoil, and guilt at the turmoil, and he’s immediately distracting him.

“Would you like me to show you how to feed the birds after dinner?” He asks, and Frankie nods quietly as Anakin asks,” can I join in? That sounds so cool.”

Bertie manages a few mouthfuls of his dinner whilst everyone’s eating dessert, though it’s mostly because dad had been feeding him while he laid in his arms. After dinner, the adults begin to clear away the table while the kids scatter off to do their own thing. Bluejay ends up joining Anakin, Wren and Frankie with feeding the birds; and she helps Frankie as he flinches away from Lennon’s wings. She takes his hand in hers and guides him through the cage to where they bowl is, before the four are happily filling the bowls up with bird feed. Somehow, Frankie ends up with Lennon on his hand, the parakeet staring at him. He smiles in fascination, looking to Blue in complete awe, and she grins to him. Frankie wants a pet more than anything in the whole wide world right now. Paul McCartney had been adorable, Donnie’s obsessed with him, John and Lennon are fascinating, and George and Ringo the fish are mesmerising to watch. He makes a note to eventually ask dad for a puppy for his birthday as they spend a little more time in the conservatory. Wren takes a moment to teach Frankie how to sign his name; and twenty minutes later, he can do it perfectly. Wren ruffles his hair with pride, and then they all make their way back to the living room.

“If we’re watching a movie it has to be epilepsy friendly.” Dad’s saying as they’re all crowded around the tv.

“I wanted to watch the game.” Wren states and Stanley replies with,” we will put a movie on in here and the football match on in the conservatory. That way everyone gets what they want.”

“I’ll watch the game with you!” Ben says to Wren, who smiles.

“Me too!” Mike adds.

“I’m gonna watch the game as well.” Bluejay announces, to which Ronnie is instantly saying,” I’ve never watched football on Thanksgiving. But I will this year.”

“I think we should watch Paddington!” Bill suggests as the football crew head off to the conservatory, Belle signing to Wren as they head off, smiling happily at eachother.” It’s epilepsy friendly and it’s a family movie, Alice loves it.”

“What do you think, Nixie?” Robyn asks her little brother, and he looks back up at her before he’s saying,” I watch foo ball.”

“You wanna watch football?” She asks him, and he nods. So, Robyn takes Phoenix off to sit in with Wren and the others.

“Do you want to watch Paddington, Bertie?” Dad asks, just to be met with Bertie tiredly rubbing his eyes and asking,” paci?” to which Eliza rushes off the grab him his pacifier. They’re weaning him off of it, he just whines for it more when he’s sick.

They settle on Paddington, and somehow, Frankie ends up sitting beside Andie. He’s expecting her to irritate him throughout the whole movie, but she doesn’t. She doesn’t even really watch the movie. She spends most of it watching her dad, who’s cuddled up with Frankie’s dad; whispering into his ear and joking around. The two laugh quietly together, and Bertie’s sprawled over their laps, legs on Richie, head on dad, and he’s fast asleep. His snores are thankfully drowned out by the tv. Dad’s playing with his hair and Richie’s rubbing his back, and there’s a moment where Richie just leans over and kisses dad softly on the mouth, which makes his face light up. Frankie looks across at Andie, who looks a little upset, before she’s finally looking at the tv; resting her head on her big brother’s shoulder. Anakin wraps an arm around her, eyes not moving from the tv. Frankie echoes the same with his sister, resting against Elizabeth, who kisses the top of his head gently.

At 6:30, an hour after the movie has ended, the toddlers are ushered off to bed. Alice is dozing in Bill’s arms, and Bertie’s been asleep on dad and Richie’s lap for hours; so they go off to bed willingly. Phoenix, however, kicks up a fuss. It’s strange to watch as he’s been pretty shy and quiet this whole time, Frankie was convinced the kid didn’t know how to throw a temper tantrum, but he’s screaming as his mom and dad try and take him up to bed. His older siblings look a little shocked as he screams and kicks out at his dad, who’s trying to pick him up, and Stanley lets out a soft sigh as he looks to his wife, who attempts to do the same thing. Again, Phoenix lashes out, and all of the Uris’ and Belle look at him in wide eyed shock.

“I’m guessing he doesn’t do this often?” Ronnie asks Bluejay, who responds quietly with,” it’s rare. I think he’s just had a lot of fun today and he doesn’t want it to end. I also think he’s overtired.”

“Want Wren. Want Wren.” Phoenix cries, his temper tantrum slowing down as he just sits up and sobs. Carefully, Wren picks him up, and Phoenix clings onto him, sniffling into his shoulder.

“Come on, baby, it’s bed time.” Wren says to his brother, who just whines out a,” no! I stay with you!”

“He’ll fall asleep on him eventually, just leave him be.” Patty sighs out, and Stanley looks to his sons before he nods in agreement.

Phoenix does eventually fall asleep against his big brother’s chest. They’re all playing a loud, rowdy game of charades twenty minutes later, when Stanley and Patty excuse themselves to take their youngest up to bed. Phoenix doesn’t stir when his mom picks him up, and Stanley smiles before he’s placing a soft kiss on top of his son’s curls as they make their way upstairs. Frankie sits quietly as the game of charades goes on, voices overlapping and overwhelming him. He just watches from the arm chair, curled in on himself tiredly as Richie acts something out and everyone yells out their guesses.

“Hey, kiddo.” Mike greets as he goes to walk past him. Frankie smiles up at him.” It’s loud in here, isn’t it?” Frankie nods.” I was going to the kitchen to make some drinks, do you want to come with me?”

Frankie sits up by the breakfast bar once he and Mike are in the kitchen. Mike grabs a few glasses and begins putting different drinks into them, before he’s asking Frankie what he would like. This time, he decides he’d like some ice tea, and he sips on it happily when Mike slides it over to him. It’s quieter in the kitchen, and Frankie feels like he can think a little clearer again. Donnie comes trotting into the room, and he nudges Frankie’s legs with his head, making the nine year old smile before he pets him.

“I want a dog.” Frankie tells Mike, who’s still making drinks for the other adults. Mike smiles to him as he grabs the white wine, which Frankie knows is probably for his dad.” Do you like animals?”

“I love animals.” Mike replies with a soft smile.” I grew up on a farm back in Derry.”

“You did?” Frankie asks, excitement sparking in his chest and echoing through his voice. Mike nods.” That’s so cool!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been considered cool by a nine year old before.” Mike states with a grin.

When Frankie gets tired, he tends to ramble a lot worse than usual, and he doesn’t even think before he’s opening his mouth and saying,” dad said you lived above a library and was a library assistant, and my sister loves reading so I think that’s really cool. And Eliza hate reads Bill’s books and I think it’s cool that she’s now met him because they can talk in depth about his books. Are you and Bill dating?”

Mike freezes in shock, and instantly Frankie feels embarrassment take ahold of him as he rushes out,” sorry. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking I’m sorry. Don’t be mad with me!”

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m not mad with you.” Mike states, stopping making the drinks and moving so he’s sitting down beside Frank. He rubs his back to calm him down, and he says,” it’s complicated, and no one else knows yet, okay?”

“Okay.” Frankie nods.” I’m sorry. My mouth works faster than my brain. At least that’s what Richie said when I first met him.”

“You’re like both of them.” Mike chuckles and Frankie raises a brow, confused.” Richie and Eddie, you’re like a blend of them both. Richie doesn’t think before he speaks, and Eddie rambles at a mile a minute. It’s odd to think you’ve only met Richie once before when you remind me of him.”

“I like Richie.” Frankie tells him, and Mike smiles warmly at him. He’s got the kind of smile that instantly tells you he’s a person you can trust. Frankie thinks Mike might be his favourite of his dad’s friends.” And I like Anakin and Ronnie. But not Andie. She’s mean to my brother, and she wants our dads to not be together.”

“Did she tell you that?” Mike asks, a little disheartened to hear that. Frankie nods.” Have you told your dad and Richie?”

“I don’t want them to be upset. I can handle Andie, it’ll be fine.” Frankie shrugs and Mike smiles once more before Anakin is walking into the room and asking,” can I help with anything?”

Mike hands Anakin a bourbon to give to Richie, the white wine for Eddie, and a beer to give to Beverly; and then Mikes departing with a beer for Bill, a ginger ale for Ben, a vodka coke for himself, and a rosé each for the Uris’. Frankie stays in the kitchen for a little while longer, sipping his ice tea and just staring at the drawings on the refrigerator that Phoenix has done. Maybe he should give his dad some of his artwork, he might put it on their refrigerator too? Alongside Bertie’s scribbles, and his and Eliza’s school photos. Eventually, Frankie goes back to the living room, where Richie is still acting out his charade as no one’s guessed it.

“Oh that’s easy!” Stanley states as he and Patty reenter too, happily taking their glass of rosé each.” It’s One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest!”

“I knew it was a Kubrick!” Dad yells and Frankie’s never seen him so excited and amped up from playing a game before.

“Fuck you all, Stan’s my true love now!” Richie states, flipping dad off as he pulls Stan in for a hug. Stanley rolls his eyes and pushes him off playfully as Patty laughs out a,” no, baby, he’ll never love you like I do!” as she grabs ahold of her husband, who grins at her before kissing he forehead. Dad, meanwhile, just grabs Richie and pulls him in for a messy kiss that makes their kids all screech with horror, and the losers laugh loudly.

“I think Eddie’s drunk.” Beverly declares as the two part for air. Dad just kisses Richie again as he flips her off, and Eliza rushes over and covers Frankie’s eyes with a laugh. Frankie laughs too, just from the love bubbling through the room, and his sister hugs him tightly; making safety cover him like a blanket.

Frankie isn’t sure who does it, but music begins to play, and a lot of them get up to dance. Andie’s rushing to her dad and asking him to dance with her, which he does, while Eddie just lies on the couch; giggly as he grabs his wine. Bev and Ben are dancing together, and so are Stan and Patty. Wren’s dancing with Belle, and the pair are silent, just enjoying one another’s company whilst everyone else are incredibly loud. Bill is in a conversation with Eliza and Mike, probably about his books; and Robyn and Bluejay are dancing with Wren and Anakin. Frankie just sits and observes until his dad is pulling him up to dance to Twist and Shout by The Beatles.

“My dad used to dance with me to this song when I was four.” He says as he holds onto his son’s hands, and Frankie smiles. He’s happy to be dancing with his dad to this song if it means that much to him. It makes him feel special for just a moment, and he hugs his dad tightly when the songs over.

At 9pm, Andie and Frankie are ushered off to bed. Richie takes Andie off to Robyn’s room, while dad takes Frankie to Wren’s. Frankie changes into his pyjamas and does his teeth, and when he goes back to Wren’s room; dad’s sitting on his air mattress and staring at his drawing from earlier sadly. Frankie awkwardly shuffles into the room and dad sniffles a little as he places the sketch pad back into Frank’s backpack and stands up. Tiredly, the nine year old clambers into bed, and dad kneels down to tuck him in. He spends a moment just staring tearfully at his son, and Frankie gives him a confused look before his dad is running a gentle hand through his hair.

“I love you so much.” He says it with so much emotion that it makes Frankie tear up.” And I’m so sorry if I make you feel like I don’t. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Frankie whispers.” It’s okay, dad. I love you, too! I love you, too.”

Dad presses a tearful kiss to Frankie’s forehead, and then he tucks him in gently before he’s reminding him once more that he loves him and is wishing him a good night. He leaves the door slightly ajar but switches the light off when he leaves the room, and Frankie yawns tiredly as he settles down to go to sleep.

There’s a steady beep of a heart monitor ringing through his ears, and the harsh hospital lights make him flinch as he opens his eyes. For a moment, he thinks he’s alone, and that almost makes him panic. Until he spots his sister sitting by his side, her hair up in a messy ponytail, looking worn out and worried. Elizabeth spots that he’s aware, and she grabs ahold of his hand, smiling with relief.

“Where’s dad?” He asks, voice hoarse.

“He’s on the plane, he’ll be here soon.” She reassures him, and panic spikes in his chest when he realises he doesn’t know where his brother is.” Where’s Albie?”

“He’s with the social worker, they’re looking after him.” Elizabeth tells him and he nods, fright and panic coursing through his veins.” They’ll want to talk with you. The cops will, too.”

“Cops?” Frankie asks.” You called the cops?”

“I called for an ambulance. Once they found out what happened, they called the cops.” Elizabeth explains, and tears rush to Frankie’s eyes as he mumbles out,” I don’t want mommy to go to jail! It’s my fault anyway, for being so naughty all the time!”

“It’s not your fault, don’t say that. What she did to you was fucked up, Frankie. None of it was your fault!” Elizabeth pleads with him, tears falling down her own face.” I’m sorry I didn’t protect you!”

“Bertie was sick.” Frankie shrugs, and his sister squeezes his hand gently; her brown eyes full of tears.” My tummy hurts.”

“It’ll be a bit sore for a little while. Do you want me to get a nurse for some pain relief?” Elizabeth asks but Frankie frantically shakes his head as he says,” don’t leave me alone! Please don’t leave me alone!”

The memory is almost a perfect play by play, up until that point. Originally, Eliza stayed with him until dad got there, but now Frankie watches as she just leaves him there. And then the setting shifts and he’s sitting in a suit in a court room like he’s seen in that Law and Order show his mom was obsessed with. She’s there, sitting in the stands, and she’s talking but he can’t hear she’s saying. He’s sitting alone, his brother, sister and father are sat on the other side of the room, and the room feels huge for some reason.

“Full custody of Franklin Edward Kaspbrak is awarded to Myra Kaspbrak by the state of New York, on January 25th 2017!” The judge rules, banging his gavel, and panic arises in Frankie as two men without faces go to take him to his mother.

“Daddy!” He yells out, feeling younger than his ten years. Feeling like he’s four years old again is seeing his dad locking himself away in his home office, and begging for a bit of his attention. Now, though, his dad is beaming and making Bertie laugh while he wraps an arm around Eliza, all three of them smiling happily.” Daddy! Don’t let them take me, please!”

He feels his mother grab ahold of him herself, and Frankie lets out a deafening scream as he wakes up alone in Wren’s room. He isn’t sure if he actually screamed, but he’s drenched in a cold sweat that’s beginning to stick tackily to his skin, and he’s panting frantically.  Immediately, he’s throwing his comforter off of himself and is rushing down the hallway to find his sister. But, the teens are all watching a horror movie in Bluejay’s room, and Eliza looks so happy to be watching it that he doesn’t want to bother her. So, Frankie heads toward the attic to find his dad, but he isn’t in there. The adults must still be downstairs despite it being almost midnight.

In the living room are Mike, Bill (who’s drunk and dangling off of Mike’s arm), Ben and Stanley. Ben’s the first to notice Frankie walking in, and he instantly spots the distress on the young boys face as he’s immediately saying,” someone get Eddie.”

Bill rushes off to get Eddie as Stanley cautiously walks over to Frank, who asks,” where’s my daddy?” to which Stanley responds with,” he’s outside, Bill’s just going to grab him. Are you okay?”

“I had a nightmare. I want my daddy.” Frankie admits with a cry, and gently Stanley wraps an arm around him as he guides him to the couch. Mike heads off to grab him a glass of water, while Ben calls Donnie over to distract the nine year old. Unfortunately, Frank’s so upset that the dog doesn’t help. Donnie stays curled by his feet whilst Paul McCartney walks along the back of the couch to check that he’s okay. Stan scratches behind his cat’s ear before he’s wrapping Frank in a hug the best he can.

“Where is he?” He can hear his dad asking frantically.” Where’s my baby?”

“He’s in the living room!” He can hear Bill reply, and then dad, Richie, Beverly, Patty and Bill are all piling into the living room. Mike follows soon after with the glass of water, and dad’s pulling Frankie off of the couch and into his arms. He’s drunk, Frankie can smell the wine radiating off of him, but he doesn’t mind too much.

“Bill said you had a nightmare, are you okay?” Dad asks, sobering up a little and looking incredibly concerned. Frankie just cries out,” mom’s not gonna get custody of me is she?”

“Oh sweetheart.” Dad breathes out, a little stunned by his question, before he’s hugging Frank tightly again.” No, she’s not. She’s not even in the running for custody, it’s with me and the state. It’s all very confusing, okay? But she’s not allowed anywhere near you, Franklin. It’s just CPS trying to determine if I’m the right fit to care for you guys.”

“You’re our dad, why wouldn’t you be the right fit?” Frankie asks, sniffling slightly. He doesn’t really like their CPS worker, he always talks like dads in serious trouble and it freaks Frankie out.

“It’s grown up stuff, Frank, okay? I don’t want you worrying about it. All you need to know is that currently, it’s looking positive that you’ll remain in my care, okay? I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again, I promise.” Dad informs him, leaning back and wiping at his eyes.

“Can I sleep with you?” Frankie asks in a whisper, and dad looks to Richie, who replies with,” of course you can, Frankie.”

“Cock blocked!” Bill jokes, and Frankie doesn’t know what that means. He does laugh, though, when Beverly nudges Bill in the ribs and tells him to shut up.

The adults don’t go to bed for another two hours. Frankie curls up on the couch, drinks his glass of water, and just watches their antics for a little while. Dad’s now stopped drinking and is eating bread, Richie and Stanley are in a heated match of battle ships. Bill and Ben are playing a card game with Patty and Beverly; and Mike is making sure that Bill sobers up a little while also playing photographer and DJ. They’ve all got long journeys ahead later, they should probably all sober up and go to bed.

At some point, Franklin falls asleep on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. Bev and Patty are watching over him. Bev’s running a hand through his hair, whilst Patty is gently rubbing his shoulder. The last thing Frank remembers before falling asleep is seeing his dad slow dancing with Richie, warm smiles and love ebbing on their faces, and Frank falls into a peaceful sleep. Love embraces him, too, and his sleep is deep and dreamless because of it.

*

Frank is a little disoriented when he wakes up. His face is pressed in his dad’s chest, and he can hear his dad snoring right in his ear. He can feel his dad’s sleeping breaths blowing through his hair, and can feel the rise and fall of Richie’s chest against his back. His dad and Richie are holding hands in their sleep, dad’s arm protectively over Frankie, his fingers interlocked with Richie’s beside him. He has no recollection of falling asleep in a bed, and he guesses that dad must’ve carried him up here at some point.

As if he can tell his son is awake, dad stirs and yawns, rubbing at his eyes and turning so that he’s lying on his back. Richie retracts his hand and practically cuddles himself, remaining asleep while dad watches him dopily for a few moments before he’s looking down at his son, who blinks at him. Dad grins and says,” good morning, son.”

“Morning.” Frankie says before he also yawns. His stomach rumbles, and dad tickles him; which makes him let out a surprised laugh.

“That’s a nice sound to wake up too.” Richie mumbles as dad continues to tickle Frankie, who in turn continues to giggle and wriggle around. Dad’s grinning, looking relaxed and sleepy and happy, and Richie turns and joins in so that they’re both tickling the nine year old.

“Stop! Stop!” Frankie giggles, laughing loudly and so full of joy. He wriggles around a little more, until dad stops tickling him and leans across, blowing a raspberry on his cheek that also makes him laugh. Richie watches the two with a smile on his face before he’s leaning over Frank and kissing dad to say good morning. Frankie just yawns and says,” I’m hungry!”

“Well, let’s venture downstairs, then!” Dad says.

The kitchen is already chaotic for 7:30am. Phoenix and Bertie are both in the conservatory, playing with toys and watching Mickey Mouse Club House, while Wren and Belle are helping Patty with making breakfast. Ronnie, Bluejay and Eliza are all sat at the breakfast bar, laughing at something on Blue’s phone; and Stanley, Bev and Ben are out taking Donnie for a walk. Bill is nursing something called a “hangover” as he Dutch braids his daughter’s hair, who is showing Mike some toys happily. Anakin is still upstairs asleep, Robyn is feeding the birds and the fish, and Andie is off in the garden playing with Paul McCartney.

“Are we the last up?” Dad asks as he heads to the coffee pot, pouring himself and Richie a mug each.

“Just waiting on Anakin, I think.” Patty responds, to which Richie sighs out,” that boy will be the death of me” before he’s going upstairs to wake his son up.

“Breakfast is almost ready!” Belle informs them, and dad smiles politely as he sits down at the table. He looks really rough, like he’s ill, and Eliza asks him,” good night, dad?”

“I’m never touching white wine again.” Dad mumbles, which makes Eliza laugh.” Did Bertie sleep through the night on his own?”

“No, he ended up in with me. He couldn’t remember where you were sleeping and so he found me instead.” Beth responds, and dad nods.” He’s got a horrific cold. I’ve given him some medicine, and he’s taken his epilepsy meds so there’s no need to worry about that.”

“Thank you, Beth. I appreciate everything you do.”  Dad says and Elizabeth smiles bashfully before she’s saying,” it’s no problem, dad. I don’t mind helping out. You know this.”

Breakfast is just as loud and wild as dinner had been the previous night, even if many of the adults have those hangover thingies. Frankie happily eats his pancakes and fruit, and after dinner he gets dressed for the day. They’re heading home today, and there’s an odd melancholy surrounding dad and Richie that he remembers from when Richie had to go home the first time they met him. Once they’ve eaten, the Tozier’s FaceTime their mom, and Alice talks to hers on the phone, too. Belle leaves an hour after breakfast, Wren driving her home, and he lets Anakin and Frank play on his PlayStation in his absence.

Frankie likes Anakin. He thinks Anakin is really cool. They’re similar in the way that their brains don’t work the way they’re supposed to, and as they play Lego Avengers, Anakin tells him all about having bipolar and how it works and effects him. Frankie finds it really interesting, and shares with him his struggles with ADHD, even if he’s aware that Anakin knows how it works because his dad has it himself.

The Kaspbrak’s are ready to leave by 10am. Dad and Richie say goodbye to one another privately, and Frankie doesn’t mean to watch their tearful goodbye. Richie kisses dad for a long moment before they separate, eyes closed and foreheads resting on one another, and a slight guilt hits Frankie’s gut. Dad hates leaving Richie, and Richie hates leaving dad. The rest of the losers goodbyes are also tearful, and Frankie is hugged by so many people that he feels a little overwhelmed by the end of it. Andie strolls over to him and offers him her hand, which he takes, shaking it amicably.

“I’m sorry for being mean this whole time.” She mumbles, a blush on her cheeks from embarrassment.” I’m grounded when I get home.”

“I hope that next time you can be nice. It would be nice to talk with someone close to my age.” Frankie says, letting go of her hand. She just shrugs and waves goodbye before she’s heading over to her dad, who wraps an arm around her.

The three toddlers are all babbling excitedly to one another, and then dad’s scooping Bertie up into his arms and taking him to the car. Conversation doesn’t dim as they pack up the car to head home, but the moment the Kaspbrak’s are on the road, dad’s driving away tearfully.

“We’ll see Richie again!” Frankie reminds him. Berties out like a light, pacifier in his mouth, and snores ricocheting around the car. Dad looks at Frankie in the rear view mirror and smiles, and Eliza smiles happily too.” I like being with your side of the family, dad. I can’t wait to do it again sometime!”

That seems to make dad beam brightly. It’s truthful. Frankie adores the losers and their kids, and he really cannot wait to see them again. Maybe he’ll ask to invite them to his birthday in a few weeks.