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After the events of the resonance cascade, Dr. Coomer grappled with his awareness. The science team was all conscious, in this digital prison; some more than others. Coomer was on the former end. Farther than his own good. He remembered watching Gordon ‘sleep’ at their sides for the first time. He knew this process well, by now. Gordon would lay down, reach for his head, pull something off, and then there would be nothing. Nothing but black. The rest of the science team never seemed to acknowledge this period of blackness. Sometimes, in the early morning, they’d all have some time to move and tamper with his sleeping body, but that was it. They laughed it off, come the morning. Nobody brought it up.
The darkness lasted for so long.
Oh, and it hurt.
Dr. Coomer never dared to question their state of reality until the science team unanimously decided to turn on Gordon. That was when he confronted him directly.
Even then, he wasn’t mad.
He couldn’t really be mad.
All he wanted was to see it.
That beautiful place beyond the screen.
Now, with no sense of time, he was staring up towards the heavens in a state of panic. This was a parking lot. Tommy’s birthday was coming to an end, and— in turn— so was their little game. Coomer couldn’t believe it had only been, what, a month or so? Those periods of darkness had been so long. They gave the illusion of a day’s passage, but he knew the truth. Soon, Gordon would be gone too. This was his final chance to catch Gordon, and beg for an exit before the darkness stretched on for far longer than his AI could stay active and sane.
This was the end.
Why did he feel so hopeful?
His thoughts were cut short when the entrance to the Chuck E. Cheese opened behind him. Tommy was the first to leave, shadowed by his father. Bubby was next, then Gordon. All of them sounded so happy, chattering amongst themselves. Perhaps their ignorance was for the best.
Gordon, who usually emoted in a lively and frantic manner with his hands, now looked positively drained as he left. Coomer noticed how much he enjoyed flexing his right hand, since getting it back. Gordon walked— or rather, slid— in front of the group clustered outside the building, as if about to voice an announcement. Sure enough, he spoke in a tone that mirrored his psychical exhaustion.
“Well, that was a lot of fun! Thank you… uh, Mr. Coolatta- for setting this… party up. I think I’m gonna go home, though. I’m still coping with…” Gordon took a moment to gesture to the existence of his right hand, then waved his arms around at everything around them. He laughed to dampen the awkwardness. “You know what I mean. I got a home to get back to… a son, you know?”
“You haven’t seen him in over a month, Gordon! He must miss you terribly.” Dr. Coomer chimed in. Some sick part of him wanted to see Gordon wallowing in confusion at his awareness, but surprisingly, he just laughed again— albeit, after some silence. He didn’t even have a son. Of course he didn’t care.
“It definitely hasn’t been that long, but thanks. Yeah. Thanks. Anyways, I’m sure we can keep in touch, and…”
Mr. Coolatta pulled a pistol from his pocket, and pointed it at Gordon’s head. At this random and inappropriate interruption, Gordon rightfully froze in shock.
“I’m… flattered you decided to attend, Mr. Freeman, but- I’d be a terrible father if I didn’t conclude this celebration with something… extra special for my boy, mm?” Mr. Coolatta was completely still. Gordon stared in horror. Finally, he nodded.
“Uh— Yep! I was just kinda under the impression that we were wrapping this up-?”
“I don’t think you understand, Mr. Freeman. Let me explain. I rented out an entire movie theater for my son, and… we need you there. After all, it’s a celebration for you, too.”
Silence. Then, Dr. Coomer watched them banter about the schedule. In Gordon’s defense, Dr. Coomer didn’t remember the mention of a movie, either, but none of them had much say in this. Without Benrey here, Mr. Coolatta was their biggest threat. Dr. Coomer could be happy, though! This meant Gordon wasn’t really leaving for good! He could be of use to him, yet!
None of the science team seemed phased by Gordon being held up. When he reluctantly agreed, it was decided that they’d all split, and reconvene the next day for the movie. This was bad. It wouldn’t be just one day. Dr. Coomer knew that. It could be weeks. Months— a year before then, and nobody would know. Nobody but him.
It was too late to change plans; Mr. Coolatta and Tommy left through a doorway that stood as a detached portal to god knows where. Bubby was going back inside for some reason, and Coomer watched in horror as Gordon started reaching for his head. He must’ve realized Coomer was watching him, though, because he froze as he ran at him and screamed.
“GORDON, LOOK OUT!”
Dr. Coomer barreled into him, fist outstretched. He expected to phase right through him, but for some reason, since the party, he’d been able to make physical contact with him. He could punch him and everything! It was very helpful, for this occasion.
Gordon was flung to the far end of the parking lot, where he fell in a heap. This must’ve tampered with whatever was on his head, because he didn’t stand up. Coomer had plenty of time to run over, and try to collect his thoughts.
“Gordon. I’m…” He stood there, motionless. This was hell. He had so much he was going to say, and now he was blanking. Gordon was struck with another wave of panic, waiting for him to say something. Do something. He hadn’t disappeared, though. That was all that mattered.
“Gordon.”
…
“I’m scared.”
It was all he could manage. At least it was true. Gordon stood up, and sighed in annoyance.
“Dr. Coomer-” He started, adjusting whatever was on his head. “Of what? What could you- possibly be scared of anymore? The resonance cascade is over! Benrey? Benrey— I don’t know where Benrey is, but he’s probably gone and for my sake, he’s dead.”
Dr. Coomer still stared ahead at him, blank and unmoving. It wasn’t like he possessed the ability to move as freely as Gordon did. Gordon moved so beautifully.
“…Gordon.”
“What?!”
“…You know. You know…”
…
“You can call me Harold now! Dr. Harold P. Coomer!”
That wasn’t a good time. It didn’t take much for Gordon to reach his breaking point. He started to breathe harder. This wasn’t good.
For Gordon’s sake, Dr. Coomer kept speaking.
“We’re going to go to the ‘movie theater’ soon, and I wanted to let you know! We’re friends, Gordon. Black Mesa is in shambles! You don’t have to keep up with formalities!”
…
“What… What does the P. stand for?” Gordon hissed.
“PlayCoins!”
That seemed to calm him down. Gordon didn’t look quite so angry. He almost laughed; Dr. Coomer could tell, when he nearly doubled over.
“…Okay. Okay. Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind. You’ve- you’ve been calling me Gordon this whole time. There were never really… Whatever.”
“Would you prefer if I called you Mr. Freeman, Gordon?”
“No.”
Dr. Coomer nodded. They stood in the parking lot for a long time. Most of the silence was filled with Gordon’s heavy breathing.
“…Harold?” Gordon wheezed.
Dr. Coomer looked straight back up at him. The theoretical flame of hope in his rig’s armature had been relit.
“Hello, Gordon!”
“Wh- What did you mean, earlier? What did you mean? When you said…” Gordon placed his hands on his knees, still catching his breath. “…when you said my son hadn’t seen me in a month?”
This was it. They were alone. Gordon had finally questioned his grip on reality. It felt like he was being truly seen for the first time in, well, as long as he remembered being alive in this world.
In this game.
In Gordon’s game.
“…Gordon. I’ve told you before. When we were in Xen, I told you. All of this! All of this… I asked you if any of this was real.”
Gordon didn’t respond.
“…And maybe you thought I was talking about that silly alien world! No, Gordon. I’m talking about everything. If… if you could do me a favor and tell me now?”
They shared eye contact. It was long and tiresome and for some reason it was getting to Gordon’s head; making him afraid. That was never Dr. Coomer’s intention. Not if it didn’t help his situation.
“…Hah— Harold. I’m…”
The gig was up, and Gordon knew it.
“No, Harold. It’s not. None of this is real. Well it is, but… I wasn’t- thinking straight, back then, but…”
Dr. Coomer nodded solemnly. He knew what that answer entailed. Speculating it all was one thing, but to hear it from Gordon himself— to have his fears all confirmed— it was almost too much, but he’d discovered worse. What did this mean for the science team? What did any of this mean to Gordon?
“Thank you, Gordon.” Dr Coomer sighed. “So that means you know.”
“…Know what?”
“You know you’re leaving me, Gordon?”
Gordon was conflicted as to whether he should be hard with the truth, or keep up his character’s antics that distracted the AI and convinced them all that he was no stronger than the rest of the NPCs. Dr. Coomer clearly knew more than he should.
“…Just.” Gordon slowly slid up to him. “Just… don’t think about it, alright? And I’m not leaving you, either.” He muttered. “…Think of it as- as sleeping. Okay? Like when-”
“I CAN’T SLEEP, GORDON!” Dr. Coomer tried to grab him by the shoulders. “I’ll never sleep! Not like you! It’s dark when I close my eyes! The sense of my surroundings is completely at your mercy, Gordon!… Gordon. Don’t you understand what I…”
Gordon wasn’t moving, nor trying to escape his grasp. A small step to the side would’ve probably rendered him free, by the game’s rules, but he wasn’t reacting. Dr. Coomer was at the brink of tears that would never come. It wasn’t in his code to process this profound sadness.
He let go of Gordon, in the end, and turned around to face the building again. He expected Gordon to be gone by the time he turned back. He found that he didn’t care anymore. It took a while for him to notice that the void of nothingness hadn’t yet overtaken his vision. Instead, after a long time, he felt Gordon’s arms feebly attempt to wrap around him from behind. They mostly just clipped through his body, but even that— it made him feel something foreign and frightening.
…
Gordon loved him. He’d said so a few times, but not in any way that transcended the boundaries of platonic friendship. Harold loved Gordon, too. He wouldn’t exist without him, after all. It was Gordon’s willingness to participate and play this stupid game that gave Dr. Coomer’s life purpose. Every minute in the dark was another minute that he yearned for Gordon to come back and lead them. Every second Dr. Coomer was alive, he lived to protect Gordon. Inform him. Betray him. Give him something to do. After all, it was a game, and what was he if not Gordon’s favorite tutorial?
“…Dr. Coomer— Harold— I’m not going to leave you.” Gordon stammered. “I- I might not have entirely understood what I was getting myself into when I… but- I can say without a shadow of a doubt… If there’s some way to— I don’t know— preserve you? Take you somewhere? I’ll do it. Remember what I said about the bank robbery? We can make that happen. And- I won’t leave you in the dark forever.” Gordon let go, and allowed Dr. Coomer to face him. His stillness was only a result of his melancholy. Gordon stayed in close proximity. “…I won’t, okay? There’s gotta be some way to transfer you to other places.“
Gordon, feeling proud of his pep talk, slid back when he was finished speaking. It took a while for Dr. Coomer to respond, and processing this much information wasn’t helping.
“…Gordon.”
“Yeah?”
“…Is that your real name?”
Silence.
“I…“ Gordon nodded slowly, unsure. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s me. I’m still Gordon.” He muttered. His form wavered where it stood, and Dr. Coomer had a feeling he wasn’t telling the whole truth.
“…Gordon, before you go, can we please sit here for a while?”
…
“Sure, Harold. I guess there’s no harm in that.”
So they did. They sat on the curb together as the sun set.
Dr. Coomer wasn’t exactly sure when his hold on Gordon’s hand disappeared.
He wasn’t sure when Gordon’s head stopped resting on his shoulder.
Most of all, he didn’t know when the world faded out of view.
It was all a good memory to hold on to as the years started to pass.