Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You gotta be kidding me!”

To say that Sun Wukong saw many weird things in his life would be an understatement, yet life still found ways to surprise him. This morning’s edition was particularly irksome.

He stared at the clearing in front of his hut, at about two hundred Monkey King: the Series action figures running amuck. Five minutes earlier, he was awoken from a pleasant nap in his hammock by a toy Wukong that jumped on his head and challenged him to a duel.

They were everywhere, taking over his house, wrestling in the meadow, playing around the waterfall, swinging in the trees, digging in dirt, challenging each other and the other monkeys to fights.

A few days earlier, the company that made Monkey King: the Series sent him a few boxes of deadstock Monkey King action figures. He had to admit: it hurt his pride a bit that his action figures were deadstock. The cure for his bruised pride was seeing the joy in the young monkeys’ eyes as each got their hands on their own Monkey King action figure. Perfectly still, perfectly normal, perfectly inanimate action figure. 

And now things were running around causing havoc! Still groggy from his nap, as he tried to wrap his head around what was going on, he had to stop one mini Wukong from burning his house down. As he swatted it, the thing poofed away like one his or MK’s clones. 

“Wait, what the-OH NO! OH NONONONO!” He had to jump up, preventing another little menace from dropping his hanging flower pots on the ground. Hitting this one didn’t result in it poofing away. Instead, the toy hissed and jumped at him. He hurled it away, believing it would break on impact, but as it landed a few dozen yards away, the toy got up, hissed again, and ran off in a different direction. 

“What is going on…?” He wondered but before he could ponder about it too much, he had to prevent yet another toy from harassing a group of monkeys perching on the tree. To his horror, that one was flying on a tiny nimbus cloud. It didn’t take long for the realization to settle: the action figures came to life, obviously, but on top of that, they had his powers. Industractibility, summoning nimbus clouds, transformations, creating clones, which was annoying and, arguably most disturbing, laser eyes. 

What in the world even made them go to life? And more importantly, why in the world did the action figure Wukongs have his powers? 

He climbed on the roof, evading a few more aggressive ones that apparently made the roof their turf. He looked over the meadow with his gold vision and found a few monkey cubs hiding behind a tree. The expressions on their faces were familiar to him, as it was the feeling he often experienced in his youth and, frankly, his old age too. 

The well, fuck, I didn’t mean for that to happen! 

“So,” he asked sternly, popping up behind them, ”why do I have a feeling you three can tell me why there are a bunch of toy mes running around?”

The small monkeys blinked at him innocently, so innocently that Wukong knew they were absolutely guilty.

One of them, Mimi, a young female cub who he knew had a penchant of chaos he usually appreciated, even claimed they were just sitting there, doing nothing. 

“Lying to your king, young lady?” He asked, and the cub stared at him unwaveringly. He made a mental note to keep this one away from Macaque, if they joined forces, he was done for. “Well,  ok, ok, I am a benevolent king after all. And as a benevolent king I really ought to warn the parents that I think their cubs are up to no good. So, will you tell me, or will I have to call your mothers!”

The little monkeys looked at him in disbelief and utter betrayal. They exchanged a few alarmed glances before they started to explain the events of the morning in a cacophony of frantic chirps, accompanied by pleas not to tell their parents. 

“You….” Wukong “you…did…” he took a deep breath, drawing on centuries of experience meditating to summon all the patience he had, “So, tell me if I understand correctly! You three snuck into my vault, a place you all know is off limits, found the artifact known as Staff of Animation and then used that to bring the action figures to life?”

Whatever bravado the tree shoved off earlier dissolved and the three took the disposition of kids who knew very well that they screwed up and that they were in big trouble. 

“Do you know how dangerous some of the artifacts there are? How did you even sneak past the seals? Yes, yes, you will absolutely have to tell me! You are all lucky to still be alive little ones,” he softened as Gin-Gin, the shyest of the tree mischief makers curled up on himself, sadly chirping. He took a deep breath, trying to remain as calm as he could, “Hey, hey, I’m not…ok, I am mad, but I’m also worried. The cave and the artifacts there can be dangerous and while the seals should prevent anyone nefarious from entering, what if you took out a more dangerous artifact and then someone got a hold of it? But, I’ll deal with you three later. For now, stay here, it seems as safe from the feral toys as any other place,” he scratched all three of them on the heads. After all, they were mischievous kids, not nefarious villains.

“Oh and yeah, you are all cute, but the puppy eyes won’t work on me!” He said despite comforting them, “I’m absolutely telling your mothers once I get the action figures under control!”

About an hour into the process, however, he realized he would need help. He wasn’t in any danger, but he wasn’t getting far with preventing chaos. The toy monkeys shared his powers, not on the same level, thank the stars, but it was as if someone put a fractions of his powers into each and every one of them. Despite their diminutive stature, toy Wukongs could still land punches that hurt, could lift things ten times their size and their laser eyes almost put his house on fire thrice!

On top of his powers, they shared his stubbornness. It seemed like they didn't want to be turned back to their inanimate state and, having the mini-version of Wukong’s strength, there was hardly anything that could hold them for a long time. Which meant that Wukong had to catch each of them individually, and then perform a spell to counter the effects of the Staff of animation. 

Even summoning his clones didn’t help much since they were as almost as poofable as the toy clones. 

“Boss,” one of the clones called from the roof, “we lost number Three again!” 

But, just as he said it, he was poofed away as well when two toy Wukong’s directed their laser eyes at him. 

He would suffer the consequences of his next decision, but he would rather not spend the whole day chasing around wayward toys. He summoned a few more clones to deal with the toys while he made the necessary phone call.

“Ooof, boss, you know that if you call him we will never hear the end of it, right?” One asked. 

“Yeah, never!” Another added. 

“If we were mortal, I’d say we would even hear it on our deathbed, but this way, I’ll just say we’ll be hearing this till the end of time…” the third one chimed in.

“Yeah, yeah, he’s going to make fun of me so much for this,” Wukong whined, “but I don’t want to be doing this the whole day! Now scram, be useful!”

He took one more deep breath as he picked up the phone, still pondering his choice. He could just summon more clones, right? Brute force through this, right? 

But brute forcing through things usually resulted in collateral damage, and he didn’t want to spook his people. Secondly, summoning too many clones could result in bald spots. Call him vain, but he didn’t want that. On top of that, looking at his house, rebuilt after it was destroyed during the last nearly-world-ending event, he couldn’t lose that either. It was a gift, after all. 

The thought of losing a home his friends, his new family built for him, especially because of something this silly, was more painful than any of Macaque’s teasing could be. So, he swallowed his pride and found the warrior’s number, “Hey, bud…”

“What do you want, bud?” Mac sighed on the other side of the line, “It’s too early for you to bother me!”

“Wow, is that how you answer the phone?”

“Only to you!”

“Also it’s ten AM!” Monkey King said, looking at the Sun that was nearing the zenith. 

“As I said, too early!”

“How long do you want to sleep?” 

“Do you want me to hang up?”

“No, no, no! I, look there is a small issue on the mountain…”

“What did you do, Wukong?!”

Wukong huffed on offense. The gall of that monkey…,“I didn’t do anything! Promise! And it’s not something big, it's just… ok, can you just come over and see, because I don’t know how to explain this one!”

“Wukong…”

“Yeah?”

“If this is some kind of a prank, ruse, joke or anything like that…”

“Yes, yes, I know, you’ll throw me off the mountain or something…”

“Oh, no, no, nothing that basic! I was having a very nice morning with a very nice cup of coffee after getting a decent night of sleep for the first time in a while! If this is a prank, I’ll teleport you to the bottom of the Pacific ocean and then you can walk on the seabed all the way to the shore!”

“Trust me bud,” Wukong sighed as one feral toy started biting his ear, “I wish this was a prank!”

….

“You got to be kidding me!” Macaque said as soon as he exited the portal in front of Wukong’s house, staring at the chaos around him. 

It was Wukongs.

A bunch of action figure Wukongs jumping around, fighting and generally causing havoc. It was one of the most maddening sights Macaque has ever seen. 

 “WUKONG! What did you do! If this is your attempt to create an army, it’s utterly idiotic even for you!”

He still wasn’t entirely convinced that this wasn’t a prank. A moronic way for Wukong to mess with him. Ha-ha, let’s laugh at Macaque at how freaked out he looks at the idea of tiny Wukongs running around. He swatted at a few with his staff and they poofed away, the way Wukong’s clones would. 

“Oh that orange, stinky, good-for-nothing….” Anger bubbled inside of him, “WUKONG! You and your stupid, tiny clones! Show your idiot face here right now, idiot, or I’ll teleport you to Saturn, you-”

“Hey bud,” the Monkey King, his hair frazzled, scarf gone, one sleeve torn off and his ear bleeding, landed next to him, “thank heavens you’re here!”

“What did you-FUCK!” One of the monkeys made a jump for Mac’s face and latched on his cheek, tiny teeth piercing his skin. He swatted at it to poof it like the first few, but his hand met hard plastic instead and the mini Wukong stayed stubbornly attached to his face. He pulled it off, tossed it aside and through the portal, sending him to the other side of the meadow. He narrowed his eyes at Wukong furiously, “What did you do?!”

“I know what it looks like, but I didn’t do anything, I swear!" Wukong claimed, hands raised in defense. Macaque scoffed in disbelief, kicking away a toy Wukong that tried to scale his leg. The moment he got rid of that one, he had to lasso another, that was running to Wukong’s hut with a lighter, and pull it towards himself. 

“WUKONG!”

“I swear this isn’t on me! Now give me that one!” 

Mac raised the eyebrow at Wukong, but did as told, and the Monkey King summoned a glyph under the action figure. As he spoke a spell, the little menace stopped moving, now as inanimate as any action figure should be.

“Phew, another arson attempt prevented!” Wukong sighed, plucking a few of his hairs and sending his clones into the fray. “And here,” he handed him a band-aid from a small first aid kid he carried around his waist. 

“Thanks,” Mac placed it over the small bite wound. It wasn’t serious, but the blood dripping was annoying, “Was that an action figure you? How- When- Why…. Why the fuck was it able to hurt me?”

“Bud, they almost bit my ear off!” Wukong pointed to the injured appandage, “I woke up thp this, the action figures from the other day, running around like toddlers on energy drinks! They have my powers, strength, durability, cloning, shapeshifting, laser eyes…”

“Huh! So that’s why some poofed away,” Macaque connected the dots, “I thought you were messing with me, summoned an army of your mini-clones or something,” he sighed.

“Yeah…no, definitely not my clones.  Also, warning, they have my tendency to challenge the biggest threat around! Which is good, because it’s better they bother me and the clones than the other monkeys. They also possess my need to cause chaos and havoc, but none of my hard-earned wisdom!”

“Tsk, yeah, wisdom…” Macaque chuckled. Who did Wukong think he was fooling?

“Yeah, that’s right, Mac, wisdom!” He huffed, “Or do you see me trying to set buildings on fire or trying to challenge anything that moves to a duel, huh?”

“Well, in the past…”

“That’s why I said hard-earned wisdom! It wouldn't be earned if I didn't have to, well, earn it!” Wukong fumed. “Ugh, will you help or not?”

 Annoyance bubbled in Macaque. As if he asked to have his morning interrupted because of Flower Fruit Mountain shenanigans. But, whatever caused this could be a problem greater than his and Wukong’s rivalry, “Well,  if you didn’t do this, we have some even bigger menace on the loose!”

“Yeah, the menaces in question are Pip, Mimi and Gin-Gin!” Wukong grumbled, “Got their hands on one of the artifacts and….you know what, I’ll explain later! I really need your help with this!”

Macaque looked him up-and-down, lingering on the torn sleeve, chuckling, “Yeah,” he leaned in, flicking Wukong’s injured, though already healing, ear, “I can see that!”

“Can you please,” Wukong jumped up, grabbing a Toy Wukong mid-air, and performing the spell as he landed, “Mock me later? After we solve this?”

“Why am I even here?” Macaque wondered. Truly, he could easily teleport back home and not deal with Wukong’s BS. “You could just wipe them all off in one swoop!”

“Welll, yeah, but then I’m at a risk of hurting the monkeys and destroying my house which, you know, you all helped me rebuild, would be a crappy thing to do.”

Macaque scoffed, trying to ignore the bubble of warm feeling in his chest. A house you all helped me rebuild… Wukong and his frustrating, newfound sentimentality,  “Bud, you can build a new house!”

“Oh really, if they now invaded your theatre or your dojo, would you be so chill about destroying it?” Wukong asked and Mac refused to give him an answer, grumpily staring at the bus instead. Wukong was right, he would try to spare his space. “Didn’t think so. And, again, it’s about the other monkeys, I don’t want to hurt them!”

“Still, this is your problem!” Macaque grumbled, ready to open a portal and dip. “If there is no greater danger, just baby monkeys being baby monkeys, I’m out!”

“Oh, I never thought I would see Six-eared Macaque back down from a challenge!” Wukong smirked. Both of them had to stop their conversation to grab a Toy Wukong that was attacking. Wukong missed, or rather his mini-Wukong fired a laser, burning the Monkey King’s hand. Mac came through, opening a portal around the toy and kept him halfway through a portal, small legs dangling out, kicking furiously.

“Bud, that spell could come real handy!”

“Here, here,” Wukong summoned a glyph and spelled the incantation, making the toy go back to normal. 

“Why do they have your powers?”

“Told you, little ones got a hold of one of the artifacts, staff of animation. Since the toys are meant to represent me they got my powers too! But, as I was saying, I have a challenge for you: whoever catches more of these little mischief makers, wins!”

“And what do I get if I win?”

“Oh come on, bud,” Wukong bared his teeth, “I know you well enough that just being able to rub it into my face is enough!"

Macque’s tail twitched in irritation. He  despised the fact that Wukong was right, “Fine, ok. Challenge accepted! Just so you know, I’ll wipe the floor with you!”

“We’ll see, bud, we’ll see. Now, let me show you the spell.”

The glyph and the incantation were relatively simple, especially for something that was caused by an ancient mystical artifact and, within a few minutes, the challenge was on. 

And it was a challenge. He understood why Wukong asked for help. The toy Wukongs were harder to catch than they had any right to be. They were everywhere, prone to biting or hitting a person in the eye, had Wukong’s affinity for chaos but, unlike the original, also had a penchant for arson and harassing the small monkeys on the mountain. Even Macaque could admit that, for all Wukong’s faults, burning stuff down out of sheer glee or harassing people weaker than him, were never his things.

There was still some fun in the whole thing, especially when he would get to grab a toy right in front of Wukong’s nose. At one point the two find themselves wrestling over getting a mini Wukong that stole Wukong’s wallet, and the friendly ribbing was always fun. He found extra joy in the moments he knew he got under Wukong’s skin. 

But, there were so many toy Wukong’s and only two of them. He considered summoning Rumble and Savage, but didn’t know if the little monkeys would be scared of his shadowy clones. Considering that the toys had Wukong’s powers, they were sometimes really hard to catch. And they played dirty, much dirtier than Wukong ever did. 

“Ok, I can’t believe I’m saying this,” As, about an hour into the process, as both monkeys landed on the roof to prevent yet another attempt at burning Wukong’s house down, “but they are somehow way more annoying than you! It’s like the Staff of Animation took all of your most annoying traits, concentrated them and packed them into multiple small packages!”

Wukong groaned, “I know! How many did you get?”

“Thirteen, if you don’t count the toy clones! If we do count the clones, then it’s fifty-five. These are harder to catch than actual demons!”

“Well, they are all basically tiny, plastic, yet indestructible versions of me, and I’m  really hard to catch, so….”

“Yeah, yeah, brag about how cool you are, blah, blah!” Macaque groaned, then realized something. One thing Wukong didn’t brag about was how many toys he caught, how better he was than him. He knew that, had he gotten a single toy more than Macaque did, he would be rubbing it into Macaque’s face, “How many did you get?”

“Erm….” Wukong stared at the nearby tree as if it was the most interesting thing in all the realms.

“Huh, so less than thirteen originals! And less than fifty-five overall!” Macaque snickered. Knowing he was winning this thing was music to his ears, “So I am better Wukong-catcher than even Wukong himself, hm??”

“Ohm shut up! I was rescuing a monkey family from being harassed by them! And, and…It’s not over yet. Oh, when I get my hands on those three kids. They are cute, but…”

“I mean, it’s your fault for leaving that cave improperly protected. Just anyone can sneak in if they just think about it for a bit…”

“Not just anyone!” Wukong rolled his eyes, “I mean, yeah, yeah, I admit I’ll have to put on some kind of a child-lock on it, stars know kids never listen to what is strictly of limits, but right now, only the people I trust can-wait….how do you know people can sneak in? I mean, after the whole debacle with the scroll, I strengthened the spell, made it into kinda a small maze, and even if the spell lets you in, you gotta figure out a way through the maze of spells unless I directly tell you how to enter…”

He realized he said too much, “Umm…”

“Have you been to my artifact cave!?”

“Oh, would you look at that?” Macaque said, “we really ought to continue taking these little guys down before they cut that peach three down!” He bolted in the direction of the non-existent tree. 

“What tree- MACAQUE! DID YOU SHOW THE CUBS HOW TO GET INTO THE CAVE!?!? IF YOU DID, I SWEAR TO YOU, I WILL- OH WHAT’S WITH THE TINY MES ATTEMPTING ARSON ON MY OWN HOUSE!”

As Wukong was preventing a fire, Macaque jumped in the middle of a small group of toy Wukongs and their clones who seemed to have a wrestling tournament. He took out one by one, earning a few scratches and having his pant leg torn in the process. How many of these devils were out there?

His mind was racing at the implications of the conversation they just had. 

Only people I trust may enter. 

Macaque entered the artifact cave a while back out of sheer curiosity, to see what exactly Wukong was hoarding there. The answer: way too much. But, for all of his dislike of the Monkey KIng, he could admit that it was better that some of those items were in Wukong’s hands and not Heaven’s. 

But, if Wukong wasn’t bullshitting, and making excuses for his negligence, not just anyone could enter the cave. It would make sense that after the scroll debacle with Azure and the brotherhood, he became more careful. And truly, even Mac needed a few minutes to figure out a way through the maze of protective spells in front of it. He never showed anyone else the way in, let alone the cubs of the Flower Fruit Mountain. 

It would  be a fun way to mess with Wukong, clearly, but he was a grown monkey: he could mess with Wukong himself, without bringing the kids in danger. 

Did the cubs follow him in and later repeated the trip, resulting in the current mischief? So, was there an extra protective charm? Something that wouldn't let someone Wukong didn’t trust through like, say, Golden and Silver demon?

And what did it mean for the two of them? For whatever it was they were trying to rebuild between them?

He flashed back to that conversation they had while running away from Li Jing and Heaven’s armies. I don’t trust anyone who isn’t in this room.

But that was different, that was desperation right after Macaque got himself tangled into their adventures. This….

Welp, whatever was the case, he had no time to ponder over how much Wukong did or didn’t trust him. He had to help solve the most ridiculous crisis he ever faced. Especially if he may have, however unintentionally, had a hand to play in it. 

Seeing Wukong in distress could be funny. But the toy Wukongs were harassing the little guys, and Mac wouldn’t stand for that.

“Bud!” Wukong called from above, “I don’t know what you’re doing just standing there, spaced out like a celestial at a demon party, but maybe get a move on! I’m on monkey twenty by now! If you don’t hurry up, I’m going to win this thing!”

“Oh, like hell you will!” Mac snapped out of it, and started moving against the small monkeys. “How many of these are there? And why do you have them? Collecting toys of yourself for yourself?”

“No! I…they are..unsold…”

Macaque cackled, “Unsold? This many? Wow you must be unpopular….”

“SHUT UP”! Some of these are clones!"

“Sure, some. But if all the real ones are dedstock…wow…”

“Millions got sold around the world! And maybe like, a few hundred didn’t!”

“Still, it seems like it really is getting under your skin that even a single Wukong would be a deadstock item. Unsold, unwanted…” he snickered, enjoying the annoyance on Wukong-s face. Something bit on his boot and he grabbed the offenders, two mini Wukongs, one that poofed away and the other a real deal. He performed the spell, “Also, that was number twenty nine for me! I’m winning!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll still get ya! There are still so…many… of them!”

“Well if you were more popular, we would have a smaller problem right now…”

“Bud, next thing I’ll de-animate, is you!” Wukong grumbled, and then jumped away, rushing after two toy versions of himself. He threw himself on top of them, but both poofed away. 

The warrior followed his example, using his shadow tendrils to try and catch another toy, but this one put up a decent fight, evading him and shooting laser eyes, catching his shoulder, as another jumped on his head, messing up his hair. 

“Hey!” He pulled the one off of his head, still keeping the hold of the tendrils holding the first one. 

“Hey bud, thanks for this one!” Wukong chuckled, grabbing the monkey from the tendrils and de-animating him, “That would be number 32 for me!”

“Asshole!” Macaque grunted and, as he realized that the toy in his hand was preparing a laser attack, got a wicked idea, “Wukong! Over there!"

“What?” Monkey King turned in the right attention, his back-and butt-turned to Mac, who directed the toy Wukong in his hand to Wukong’s ass, right as the tiny menace fired lasers. 

“OWCH! Hey, what the actual fuck!”

Macaque cackled devilishly, “Ooops, sorry, my hand slipped!”

“JACKASS!” Wukong grumbled, rubbing his scorched behind. A small piece of burned fabric fell off his trousers, letting some singed fur peek through, and he didn’t seem to notice,  “we should be working together!”

“You said it’s a competition yourself!” Mac de-animated the toy, “and this is number thirty for me, so…”

“I’m still two points ahead of you!”

“Tsk, that last one doesn’t count, I caught it, you just de-animated it!”

“It totally counts!”

“Oh, yeah, you’re right, it counts as my catch!”

“No it does not, but, fine! We each got half a point of that one, though it should really all go to me for almost burning my tail off!”

“Oh, is someone’s bum sore?” Mac cooed, “come on you big baby, you’re fine! Your fur is barely singed!”

“My fur is…wait…” He turned around, blushing as he saw the missing fabric, “Hey! You burned a hole in my pants and now half my butt is out!”

Macaque laughed at how embarrassed Wukong looked, “I mean, I shot lasers at it, what did you expect?”

“Asshole!” Wukong plucked a hair from his head and summoned a long shawl he wrapped around his hips. 

“I mean, better your butt, than your house!”

“I prefer neither, thank you very much. Ugh, why are there so many more of them, this is annoying!”

Macaque chuckled. He could re-emphasize how it was because Wukong’s toys were unpopular enough for him to have a few hundred of them in deadstock, but decided against it. He got under Wukong’s skin enough, “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if we want to finish before any of these burn your house down, and also don’t want to spend the whole day on this, we might need reinforcements. How about I go grab the kid? This could be useful training.”

“And you won’t just dip and stay home leaving me alone to deal with this?”

Macaque feigned offense,“Wukong! How dare you even imply that? Me? Backing out of the deal? And dropping out of a challenge just as I’m about to win? My, my, who do you take me for?”

Wukong’s only answer was a grumpy stare. 

“Don’t you worry your ginger head, I’ll go get the kid, and come back. Here, if it makes you feel better, I pinkie/promise!” He said with a toothy grin, earning an eyeroll. 

“Ok, ok sorry, I asked! Now go do that and-NO LEAVE THE MATCHES ALONE!” Wukong shouted, running after another toy Wukong wannabe arsonist as Macaque slipped through the portal to get their reinforcements. 

He had a feeling that the day would be much more fun once the kid was there. 

….

Wukong was getting tired. His butt still stung a bit and now his hand hurt after one of the toy Wukongs slammed its staff over it, so now two of his fingers were bent at an awkward angle. Something was broken, or at least dislocated and he had no time to ponder that because yet another arson attempt was made for his house. Not to mention, his pride took quite a beating.

“I’m actually starting to commiserate with heaven a bit,” he muttered to himself. Thankfully, he didn’t have to toss the tiny versions of him under the mountain for 500 years, it was enough to de-animate them. 

“You gotta be kidding me!” MK’s and, to his surprise, Mei’s voice came from behind him. 

He turned around with a grin, relieved that Macaque made good on his promise. He stood there, next to slack-jawed MK and Mei. Strangely enough, the kids were dressed like they were about to go out to a party. 

“Told you kiddos, the horror of horrors, tiny Wukong’s running amuck!”

Wukong landed next to them, “Hey there, and I can’t believe I’m agreeing with him but it is horror of horrors.”

“I mean, I’ll take these guys over spider queen and her minions any day,” MK shivered, “Though…you look rough!”

“Yeah, your hand looks like you need the ER!” Mei scrunched her nose. 

“I mean, were I human, I probably would,” Wukong poked at his misplaced joints. There was a small stab of pain, but nothing unmanageable. “What’s with the get-ups? Those don’t really look like combat-ready outfits!”

“Oh, can’t you say? It’s our absolutely awesome party ‘fits,” Mei said, “we had so much fun tonight! ” 

“Absolutely” MK yawned, “anyways, Mac gave us a rundown, showed us the spell. Sounds like a hassle, but doable!”

“Also he told us about the challenge,” Mei yawned too, “And I can’t wait to kick all of your butts, even on what, four or five hours of sleep!”

“Four hours of…..WHAT?!? Why are you here then!”

“Bacause Mac barged into my room and woke us up like he’s some kind of military sergeant!"

Wukong turned to the warrior furiously, “Macaque, bud…”

“What,” He chuckled, “we agreed to get the kids!”

“Not if they were sleeping! Wait…it's like noon, why did you sleep only five hours?”

Mei stared at him blankly, “We…went out for a party, I just told you!” 

Mac dramatically rolled his eyes, “Yeah, really Wukong, I know you only have one set of ears, but they are supposed to be functional.”

“Appapapap- I get that! I mean, how long were you out?

“Until six A.M.?” Mei stared at him. 

“Is that a problem?” MK wondered. 

“Yeah, I barely got MK to come with me! Don’t you dare imply he shouldn’t have come!”

On the one hand, he was glad to see the kid relaxing. On the other, the kid should be resting, not pulling all-nighters of any kind.

“No, no, I…you should be sleeping!”

“We were!” Mei said, “At MK’s! Till Macintosh came to wake us up because you sent him to get us!”

Wukong glared at Macaque, “I sent you!? GETTING MK WAS YOUR IDEA!”

“You agreed with it! Besides, as if you would realize why they were sleeping in those outfits if you went to get them!”

“But I didn’t! You did! You went there, saw them asleep and you’re the one who actually woke them up! And you brag how you ‘get human culture more than you do’!” He mocked Macaque’s voice. “We should be getting them to get more sleep, not less!”

Macaque opened his mouth to argue, and Wukong expected a biting remark. 

“Ok, ok, guys, chill!” MK jumped in between them. “I mean, yeah, it is pretty obvious that we were sleeping off a night out, but now that we’re awake, we can help you out, and nap later! Like, we’re not toddlers, we’ll be fine!”

“Yeah, like I’m sleepy, but right now, I couldn’t sleep, you know?” Mei said. 

Wukong who, aside from times he was too restless or had too many nightmares to sleep, promptly answered, “No, I really don’t get that!. Are you sure you’ll be fine?” 

“As long as you let us sleep in later, we’ll be good!” Mei shrugged, “I can’t even count the times we would party like this, only for MK to have a shift later and for me to tag along to keep him company!”

“Yeah…” MK agreed, “But Mac owes us one for waking us up!”

“Ok, ok,” Macaque sighed, ruffling MK’s and Mei’s hair, “Waking up you like that was my bad, I admit. I didn’t think things through. I didn’t assume you came home that late! Next time we’re all in the city, boba tea is on me, ‘k?”

“Yup! And now I’m working extra hard to kick your butt in this,” Mei grinned, summoning her sword and jumping away, “last one to catch a toy Wukong is a loser!”

“You’re on, Dragon Girl!” Mac slipped into the shadows, disappearing to heaven knows where. 

“How about it kid?” Wukong grinned at MK but by that moment the kid was gone, calling out from the top of the roof. 

“I just caught one! So you better hurry up, Monkey King, or you’re the loser!” He jumped off the roof and into the trees, “Here comes Monkey Kid!”

“Oh yeah,” Wukong took a deep breath, cracking his neck, before he rushed into the fray of the mini hims, “We’ll see about that!” 

….

Less than two hours later, all the action figures were as motionless and stiff as any action figure should be. MK and Mei sat down on the porch to rest, while Wukong and Macaque went around to collect the toys that remained scattered around after being de-animated. 

“Well, that should be the last of it,” Wuking said as he landed on the porch and placed the toy in the box, “Awwww!”

“What?” Mac jumped off the roof and landed next to him. His eyes fell to the two young adults who fell asleep on the picnic blanket where they sat on to rest. “Oh, them,” he chuckled. 

“Poor things are tired because someone woke them up,” Wukong poked. 

“I said I’m sorry! And I think Mei would punch you in the face for referring to her as poor thing.”

Wukong chuckled, “Fair enough. Come on, I’ll take MK, you take her, let’s get them to my bed.”

Before Macaque could protest, Wukong picked his successor up and walked into the house. He, somewhat hesitantly, scooped the dragon heiress into his arms.

It wasn’t about his pride or anything, he just hoped he wouldn’t spook her. The two of them were on good terms now, even if the girl had good enough reasons to never trust him again, but he knew from personal experience that waking up next to someone you only mostly trust could be startling. 

And, well, on top of not wanting to scare her, he didn’t want to be punched in the face. 

Especially not by the wielder of the Samadhi fire.

“Mac…?” Mei muttered. 

“Just getting you and MK to bed, don’t worry,” he walked into the house, which was a huge mess, with pretty much all of Wukong’s belongings scattered about.

“Yeah, I know, just,” she yawned, “one of you should tell Pigsy where we are. You know, so he doesn’t freak out when he doesn’t find us in MK's room,” she yawned again as he set her down, wrapping herself in the blanket. 

“On it!” Wukong said, “ugh, ow, as soon as I get my fingers in order. Ugh, I hate repositioning my joints! Owch!”

“Oh, you really are a big baby,” Macaque rolled his eyes, “aren’t you supposedly invulnerable?”

“I’m not unhurtable,” Wukong grumbled, “You try re-setting your own joints, see how you like it.”

Macaque had to stifle a very snide remark, but settled for grumpiness, “I did re-set my own joints in the past, you idiot! But, seeing as you’re a big baby and can’t handle a bit of pain, and I don’t mind seeing you in pain, here, I’ll do it!”

Wukong eyed him suspiciously, “Yeah, that doesn’t fill me with confidence…”

He rolled his eyes, “For stars’ sake, Wukong, I’m messing with you! I’ll be gentle, well, as gentle as re-setting joints can be. Now give me your hand or do it yourself!”

Wukong did as asked with some hesitation and while part of Mac wanted to re-set his fingers with no warning, he did as promised and tried to be gentle. He didn’t want to have Wukong wake the kids with yelping, after all, “Ready?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve been through wors- ughhhh…” He yelped through gritted teeth as Mac re-positioned his fingers,  “Ahh, thanks!”

“There, your hand is back to normal,” he said, somewhat out of breath. He had to put a ridiculous amount of strength into it, considering how stupidly strong Wukong’s joints were, “Not your fur though.”

“I’ll get it in order the moment this stops throbbing,” Wukong said, typing out a text message to Pigsy. His fingers still seemed to be a bit clumsy. 

Macaque in that moment did something stupid, “Oh, sit down, I’ll get it for you!”

“What?”

Shit. Macaque cursed himself. What was he thinking, offering to groom Wukong’s fur? But, even as he thought about it, he didn’t dislike the idea. And, after all, it didn’t mean anything, right? They were…something adjacent to friends again, it was normal, wasn’t it? “I said, get your butt down so I sort out the mess that is your fur! Your mane, at least!”

“Bud, look at your fur!” Wukong pointed to his head, “You’re no better!”

“At least half of my butt isn’t out!” Mac teased, knowing full well what Wukong would say. 

“And whose fault is that?”

“Yours, for pissing me off by stealing my catch!” Mac shot back, “And yet, I still caught more of them than you!”

“Yeah, but MK won overall, and Mei came in second!” Wukong said.  “Are we losing our touch if two underslept kids got us?”

“Maybe you,” Mac sat down, patting the carpet in front of him, "because I got third and you, bud, got fourth place. Which means you got the least number of toy yourselves!”

“Oh shut up,” Wukong said, as he sat down in front of Mac, pouting. 

“Sun Wukong came in last, in a competition that involved catching living Sun Wukong action figures! I should sell the story to the yellow papers, it would be good money!”

“You are the worst!”

“The worst is about to fix your mane, so watch it!”

“Tsk, what will you do? Dye it green? Cut it short? You do know I can always shapeshift it back?”

“Yeah, yeah, now pipe down and let me work! For star’s sake, your mane is dusty!” He started working on it, wondering when was the last time he'd done this?

If the question was when did he groom any old monkey, the answer was probably something like last week. Ever since he started lingering around the Flower Fruit Mountain again, the other monkeys would sometimes involve him in their grooming trains, or he would nap on the tree, only to find himself being groomed by a few young cubs. A few times the bolder monkeys would even point out that he looked like he hadn’t been groomed in a while. Well, that’s what happens when one is cut off from their community, he would think. But he never said anything. It wasn’t their fault. 

It wasn’t entirely Wukong’s either, he thought, but that was a much heavier topic to ponder and not one he was willing to face. So he chased the thought away and focused on the task of getting Wukong’s mane in order. His fur was coarser than he remembered, though it still tended to curl up. 

Truly, how long has it been since he did this? When did he last groom Wukong? His hands froze for a second when he realized: probably the night before their attack on heaven. A heavy weight settled in his chest. Was this grooming session a mistake?

“Mac? You ok? You don’t have to if-”

“No, no, I’m fine, just…hand cramp,” he came up with a flimsy excuse. He shook out his perfectly ok hand to make it seem more believable, “You really have a bird’s nest on your head.”

“Oh, come on, I know it’s not that bad, even after the day we just had!”

“It’s not good either. Anyway, you still owe me an explanation as to what happened?” Macaque asked. Getting Wukong to ramble was a good distraction. 

“Oh, yeah, right! So, I woke up at dawn, as I usually do, did my morning workout and rounds on the mountain, and since I went to sleep kind of late, decided to take a nap.”

“At what? 8 AM?”

“That’s a perfectly reasonable time for a nap!”

This monkey…, “That’s a reasonable time to get up for the first time in the morning, maybe!”

“Not all of us sleep in till noon, sleepyhead!”

“Not all of us wake up with the sun you…earlybird!”

“Oooh, what an insult!” 

“Shut up!”

“I mean, accurate enough, I did shapeshift into a bird to get a better view…”

Macaque stopped the grooming and leaned forward so Wukong could see his raised eyebrow, “Are you saying I’m insulting you correctly?”

“Oh, piss off,” Wukong shoved him back, laughing, “I’m saying your insults are losing their touch!”

“Oh? That one doesn’t strike your fancy? Hmm, how about If we lived on a farm, even the rooster would tell you to go to bed!”

“Har-har! As I was saying, I was taking a nice nap in my hammock, when one of them jumped on my face and challenged me to a duel…” he describes how he woke up to the chaos, and eventually discovered what caused said chaos.

“I can’t believe you didn’t put up some sort of child lock on the cave before today,” Mac playfully slapped Wukong on the head, “idiot!”

“Hey! I learned my lesson, ok? But yeah, a worse crisis averted!”

“Yup,” Mac said, he finished grooming Wukong’s mane and didn’t even realize he was now grooming the fur on his neck, till he reached the collar. “Welp, you’re all done! Unless you want me to do your back too!” He teased. 

“Oh sure! Let me just…” before Mac could react, Wukong took off his shirt and only then turned around and noticed Mac’s expression. “Oh! Oh, that was a joke! He-he, silly me! I’ll just…” he quickly put the shirt back on, tying his belt up a bit messily, “erm…your turn!”

Macaque felt like a deer in the headlights, and everything in him screamed that he should bolt, summon a portal and leave before things became weirder. Why did he have to be an idiot and make that joke? And why did Wukong have to be an even bigger idiot and assume that he was serious? And why was the first thought in his head that Wukong was hot?

“Yeah, my turn,” he said, and sat in front of Wukong. Turning his back to him still felt weird and for the second time in only a few minutes, he had to resist the urge to leave. But the urge to stay, the need for comfort was stronger. “You better not pull on my hair too much!” 

“Bud, I know how to groom people” Besides, it’s not the first time we’re doing this, now is it?” Wukong chuckled. His hands found Macaque’s mane and, despite the confidence in his voice, the warrior noticed the uncharacteristic hesitation in the king’s touch. It was as frustrating as it was comforting to realize that his awkwardness mirrored Macaque’s own. 

“No, no it’ isn’t,” he let out a sigh and tried to relax, though he couldn’t help flinching at a few rougher pulls at his hair. “Hey!”

“Sorry! But it's not my fault you’re full of tangles!” 

“Well, we don’t all have an army of monkeys ready to form a grooming train at any moment!" Macaque grumbled, and immediately regretted saying anything. It’s not like he couldn’t groom his own fur. He did it for centuries. But a comb and a brush didn’t provide the same thing a community of monkeys did. He didn’t mind it, but it could not compare. 

“I mean, I’m sure they would groom you if you lingered around more often,” Wukong said. “The young ones especially adore you!”

Macaque ignored the sting of pain that the king’s words brought. They would groom you. Not I would groom you. Why did he even think it would be anything else? He waited for the biting remark to follow. Something about how Wukong could never understand why the other monkeys liked him, how they could enjoy his company, how they were too young and naive to know who they were hanging out around. But it never came. And, was he fooling himself or did Wukong become more careful with the few knots still in his mane?

He tried to be nonchalant, but Wukong’s hands in his fur still felt unfamiliar. Like a shadow of a long forgotten memory. This wasn't the first time they were this close to each other in recent times. They comforted each other after bad dreams enough times since they started to get to know each other again. But this was the first time in centuries that they sat down for a proper grooming session. It was the first time they shared what was almost an intimate moment, or at least as intimate as things would get between them, while they were both fully present, without some horrible nightmare or event to push them to talk.

Part of Mac regretted that he asked for it so casually, like it was nothing. And part of him liked that it just slipped out like that. There was, after all, nothing to be said about it, right? After literally falling asleep in each other’s arms, this shouldn’t feel intimate.  

So why did it?

A young cub shyly approached them, curling up on his lap before she stared at him almost pleadingly, “Yeah, yeah, I got you,” he started grooming her fur. A few others gather around in pairs or small groups, forming a proper grooming circle.  He was grateful to them, it made the things between him and Wukong significantly less uncomfortable.  The silence was heavy, and it made him think of the past, of who they were, who they became to each other. And he didn’t want that. Not now, not when they had an actually comfortable moment. 

“Oh, would  you look at her!” Wukong chuckled, “Now, now, acting so innocent!”

Macaque turned around, studying the mock anger on Wukong’s face, as the cub stiffened. Then he connected the dots, “Wait a second! You’re the little chaos-maker, aren't you?” He chuckled, and the cub pulled in on herself, apologetically chirping.

“Where is your mother, Mimi?” Wukong wondered tiredly. 

“Don’t worry,” Macaque said, softening, “you can stay. Wukong acts all stern, but you should’ve seen him in his younger years! True menace!”

“Hey!” 

“Were you not? I thought you prided yourself on it!”

“Well I’m- I’m- I’m trying to set a better example these days!” Mac didn’t have to look at Wukong to imagine the flustered, pouting expression on his face, “And Mimi really doesn’t need any more encouragement to cause chaos or mischief or whatever!” 

Mimi, in turn, looked at Wukong with the biggest baby monkey eyes Macaque had seen in a while. 

“Ugh, all right, all right, stay! We’ll find your mother later, at least here you can’t cause any more trouble! Really, cubs these days…”

“Wow, you sound like a grandpa!”

“I do not!”

“You’re one step away from calling them whippersnappers!”

“I am not!” Wukong huffed. 

“I just know you’re pouting like a baby!”

“I am-pah! Make a decision, am I an old monkey or a baby!” 

“Somehow both at the same time!” Macaque said, and Mimi on his lap let out a few amused chirps. 

“Mimi, do not encourage him and Mac, bud, do not encourage my people to make fun of me!”

“Awww, but it’s so fun,” Macaque laughed, earning what was almost a whine from Wukong, “Ok, ok, I’ll lay it off! So, the Staff of Animation?” He asked, assuming that a story would make a moment even better.

“What about it?”

“How’d you get it? You didn’t drag it over in the brotherhood days, and I know it's not in the book!”

“Oh yeah, I got that one a few years later, one of the few times I left the mountain since finishing the Journey! It wasn’t a very serious adventure, pretty simple, actually-”

Macaque pulled away from Wukong and stopped grooming Mimi for a moment, turning to the king with raised eyebrows, “Wait, wait, wait, hold up?”

“What?”

“Did I just hear, you, Sun Wukong, the Great Bragger Equal to Heaven-”

“HEY!”

“-describe one of your adventures as not very serious instead of, great, life-changing, destiny-defying, wonderful, amazing, or whatever other epithet you usually ascribe to them?”

“Pah! I’ll have you know that this was a glorious adventure! And I was amazing as I always am, really!” Wukong huffed, "Just a low-stakes one!”

“Uh-huh,” Macaque settled back, allowing Wukong to keep working on his mane. “I heard what I heard!”

“Shush! Now, it all started when, one day, it started to hail here, on Flower Fruit Mountain! Can you imagine? Hail! Here! Now, of course, I had to investigate…”

Macaque lost himself in Wukong’s words, in  the story of two minor gods who got into a squabble and resolved which landed Wukong the Staff of Animation as a gift. It took a while. The story may have been simple, but Wukong was incapable of staying on topic, divulging in a tangent after tangent. 

“...and yeah, it’s been mostly unused until today,” Wukong finished. “Also, you’re done! Now you don’t look like you have a nest on your head!” 

“Har-har,” Macaque laughed. “Like you looked any better!”

“Maybe not, but I look very handsome now,” Wukong winked, “Thanks to you!”

Macaque sighed and rolled his eyes, “Maybe you would be if you cleaned the rest of yourself up!”

“Oh I don’t need a shower for this” Wukong struck up a ridiculous pose, “to be handsome!”

Macaque couldn’t deny that Wukong looked good, even with torn clothes and messy fur. He felt his cheeks flush, “Oh, shut up!”

“Hehhe, ok, ok! Man, I missed this!”

“Having clean hair?”

“No, you jerk!  I mean, grooming, like this, you know,” he shrugged.

Well, not me! Macaque almost said. It was instinctual at this point. And then he would dip into a shadow portal and not return for a while. 

But maybe…

They were trying to fix things, even if a lot of things went unspoken. He wasn’t a fool, and Wukong may have been an idiot but even he wasn’t that stupid, “Yeah,” he sighed after a moment of deliberation, “I…I missed this too.”

“Really?” Wukong looked positively giddy, tentative hope replaced by surprise,  “So, we can do it again?”

Macaque couldn’t help laughing, partially because he was genuinely amused by Wukong’s reaction, and partially to hide his own. The suggestion meant more to him than it should, “Yeah, yeah, we can! Preferably not after we have to rescue your house from arson like, fifty times?”

“Yeah, definitely! Well, at least we spar enough, so we have plenty of opportunities!”

Monkeys started to gather around them and, while Mimi fell asleep on Mac’s lap, two others stared up at him and Wukong. He wondered if those are the two other troublemakers.

“I think we started a grooming train,” he whispered to Wukong conspiratorially. “I’ll get this one to sleep and then, I can groom one of them. 

He picked Mimi up, and set her next to MK and Mei.  It was an adorable sight. 

The moment he sat back on the carpet, another young monkey took Mimi's place. Wukong was similarly occupied. This felt like old times, almost. 

Old times looked at through stained, cracked glass. 

He didn’t want to think like that. Not that day. 

“Hmmm,” he wondered if he could unbury a story from his past to pass the time. Something light, not tied to any of the big troubling events from their pasts. Something that didn’t start with This happened while you were imprisoned under Five Phases Mountain or This happened during one of my attempted escapes from Lady Bone Demon’s bonds. Then he remembered something that was innocuous enough. 

“What?”

“Your story, the part about petty minor gods, reminded me of this one time when a river goddess got mad at me for building a small theatre and putting on shows for the local demon population in a cave near her river…”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeahh,” he chuckled, “Now, this was about one hundred years ago…”

He started weaving the tale, occasionally summoning his shadows for emphasis to the delight of the cubs. At one point he noticed an uncharacteristically fond gaze from Wukong. It made his heart skip a bit which, in turn, made him feel utterly foolish. 

And what was even more foolish was that he actually looked forward to spending the rest of the day with the ridiculous monkey by his side.