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Darting through the door Penny had rushed through a moment earlier, Beau skidded to a halt as quickly as he could at the sight in front of him. She had retreated into a public women’s restroom, and he had followed in blindly after her.
He considered backing out to give her (and any other women in here) privacy, but the loud sounds of her emptying the contents of her stomach in the far stall forced him forward again. He couldn’t leave her. Not now.
Heart pounding with a decade of unspoken things pressing against his ribs, he waited outside the half-closed stall, listening to the harsh sounds echo off the tile. Eventually, it was too much, and he tossed all unease he had out the window and pushed onward once more. He gently yet quickly gathered up her long hair with practiced ease, holding her hair back so she wouldn’t need to worry about that at least. After a long while, her breathing finally stuttered while the vomiting slowed.
Recognizing what was coming next, he quickly lowered himself to sit on the dirty tiled floor behind her and waited. Sure enough, she slumped into him without protest a second later, sitting in the space he made for her between his outstretched legs. The toilet automatically flushed in front of them.
Tearing off toilet paper from the dispenser next to him, he then silently wiped around the edges of her mouth while she settled. The action was painfully familiar to them both.
Closing his eyes, he gave a voice to the question that had been screaming in his head for days now. “Why?” he croaked.
“You know why,” she answered shakily, hesitating for half a second before she tilted her head back against his left shoulder and rested on him for a moment.
“No, I don’t,” he argued. “We told each other everything growing up. You told me your deepest, darkest secrets, and I gave you mine in return.” He had confided things to her that he was still scared to admit to that day. “Why didn’t you argue with me, tell me how wrong I was that night? Yell at me that I was being a goddamn idiot, something, anything, damn it!”
She flinched against him for a brief second, then stiffened into a marble statue.
Tipping his head back against the wall, he cursed himself for causing that reaction in her.
“I apologize,” he murmured with a heavy sigh. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” He never did, in fact. “I merely want to know why you’d let me go on for a decade thinking the worst about you instead of telling me the truth. Of reaching out and letting me help you.”
Her shoulders lowered again as the tension released a bit at his softening tone. “I wasn’t going to let you ruin your marriage over me,” she admitted in a hushed voice. “Not when we both know that the only thing your wife has ever wanted from you is you, Beau.”
“Ex-wife,” he corrected quietly.
“Oh, Beau,” she murmured sadly.
He shook his head harder, though. “Don’t shed any tears on my account. It was my own damn fault,” he admitted with a scoff. “You had nothing to do with it, I assure you.”
“When?”
“Ten years ago. The night I returned home after leaving your side, in fact.”
That was the short answer. The one he could say freely without being overcome by emotions from that time.
“What happened?”
He sighed heavily. “I came home and found my kids crying on the sofa together with signed divorce and custody papers on the dining room table,” he answered through controlled breathing. “Emily, it seemed, had been working throughout my entire deployment on this endgame of hers.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I couldn’t be the person she wanted me to be any more than she could for the kids and me,” he replied with another heavy sigh. In time, that answer was getting easier to say.
“Do you have any pictures of them? Your kids, I mean?”
He nodded, shifting slightly so he could pull his phone out from his pocket. He quickly unlocked it and opened his Photos app. A few scrolls later, he held his phone out so she could see a photo he had taken a day before his niece re-entered his life.
“Cassie’s currently in her worried about Dad phase.” He smiled faintly when Penny snorted, likely reminded of him being the same way when he was his daughter’s age. “And Ethan spends a worrying amount of time in his room now, isolating himself from his sister and me.”
“They’re beautiful.”
He nodded silently. They were his greatest achievements in life. Even more than his TOPGUN trophy that was on their dad’s wall these days and his promotion to vice admiral and even being named the current airboss of TOPGUN, in fact, if he were honest.
“Thank you,” Penny whispered a few moments later.
His brows furrowed, unsure of what she was thanking him for exactly. He had only shown her photos of his kids that she had asked to see. Had she expected him to say no? He then realized she probably had.
“Dad mentioned them in passing a couple of times,” she revealed. “I think he thought if he kept reminding me about your kids, I eventually would seek you out and talk with you. Work out our shit and become close again instead of this fractured crap we’ve been doing.”
“Same,” he admitted, nodding to himself in thought. “He never showed me any photos of your daughter, though. He’d only talk about her here and there. Honestly, now, though I wish he had. I would’ve been able to prepare myself better for when we spoke with Ms. Karo that first time.”
“Yeah.”
He could hear Penny shrinking back within herself again, hating that he couldn’t do more for her. But there wasn’t anything more he could do. That any of them could do at this juncture, in fact. They had to wait and survive the unbearable without breaking completely.
As the silence stretched on that time, it slithered through the cracks of his skin and snaked its way to his gut, twisting his insides this way and that.
“When Sullivan showed up at the house, I knew he looked familiar,” he announced. “I couldn’t put a name to the face, however.” But, then again, he had only met Sullivan once at some event he and Penny attended for their dad. Shortly afterwards, he knew they eloped.
“He came by your house?”
“When he was looking for Amelia,” he explained quietly. “He was convinced she was with me, but he had enough sense to know not to push me too far in case I recognized him. Thanks to Lieutenant Seresin’s foresight in warning me, I asked her to hide in my office the second the doorbell rang. She did so without question, hiding herself in plain sight.”
“She’s a good judge in character.” Penny then inhaled sharply before she closed her eyes and let out a strangled, shaky cry.
“What is it?” Was she hurt? Had she pulled a muscle? What?
She shook her head for a moment before she said unsteadily, “She begged me . . . me not to drop her off, to leave her with him.”
“Had she done that before?”
His stomach rolled precariously in anticipation of her answer. Had this abuse gone on for years and none of them had noticed?
She shook her head, thankfully. “He only recently started asking for visitation. I thought . . . I thought since he had kids himself now with Crystal that . . . that he had wanted to get to know Amelia, too. That he had changed. He had said as much in his letter, after all.”
“Do you still have the letter?” That may have been just the thing they needed to win this.
“Yeah, somewhere probably. Why?”
Sighing heavily, he knew he had to tell her. Who knew what else she had that they could use? It didn’t make it any easier, though.
“Your daughter made a comment when we were waiting for Seresin to arrive,” he commented vaguely. “It struck me as odd. As something a child her age should know nothing about.” Penny’s eyes searched his face, looking for hints of what he wasn’t saying. “That he was glad he had a chance then to finish what you were too weak to do.”
She scrambled frantically back towards the toilet. Her loud, vicious coughs echoed about the restroom, but nothing came up thankfully. Her reaction was still damning nonetheless.
“You don’t have to tell me,” he remarked quietly. He’d give her the out if she needed it. “But, that night you left, when you escaped him, it was after he tried to kill you and your child, wasn’t it?”
He watched her body tremor and heard her shaky, sharp gasp. He didn’t need her to say the words because he could see the answer written all over her now unfortunately.
“Does anyone know?” He was on shifting ice asking these questions, but he needed to know the full extent of what he had missed in his absence. “Or part of it even?”
She shook her head, though, falling back and bumping against him. Wiping at her mouth numbly, she tossed the used toilet paper into the flushing toilet bowl. “Dad knew something bad had to happen for me to come back home,” she answered in a hushed voice. “But he doesn’t . . . doesn’t know the details. No one does.”
Beau’s chest ached at that admission. She had held onto this terrible secret alone for ten years. How hadn’t she cracked underneath all the pressure yet? He could feel himself already starting to, and he was sure he didn’t know even a quarter of what happened to her.
“I come close sometimes with Pete,” she admitted with a shaky smile. She had? “When he’s holding me after . . . after I react badly. But then I stop. Remind myself how I escaped that night. That he . . . that I can’t be hurt anymore. Not by that . . . by him. How I have to let go and move on. It’s the only way I can keep being happy with Pete.”
“So, you are happy with Mitchell then?” He figured she was, considering the fool had been her first real love.
She nodded silently.
He was glad to hear that. It helped to know she had some good in her life again after Sullivan. That she hadn’t suffered this entire time they had been apart. Perhaps he had misjudged Mitchell all those years ago. Thirty-plus years was too long to continue his petty grudge anymore.
“Have you two been together long?” he asked, knowing she’d recognize that he was making an effort for her.
He’d heard rumors of the two being on-again/off-again over the years, but he hadn’t paid much attention to the mindless chatter. Only enough to file the knowledge away for later in case he ever needed to have a friendly talk with Mitchell for breaking her heart ever.
“Almost three years.”
If history served him correctly, this was likely her longest romantic relationship she’d had yet. Likely, the same for Maverick as well, he figured, considering the fool was known for his long string of heartbroken ex-lovers he left in his wake. For a couple of serial monogamists like they were, three years was practically a lifetime. Which meant this was serious for them this time probably. Serious meant Beau had a lot of making up to do, he realized.
“How long is his deployment for?”
“However long the mission takes,” she huffed out dryly with a tired laugh, reciting a line Beau himself had said to her once long ago. “I expected us to cut and run when his orders came, truth be told, but we just . . . didn’t this time. He gave me the out, said he’d understand if I took it, wouldn’t blame me for saving myself if things went to hell, but I just . . . I froze instead. Ended up wishing him luck and telling him how we’d be waiting for him to come home to us.” She sighed heavily, letting her head fall forward. “I shouldn’t have said it,” she mumbled into her hands.
“Why?”
“Because now he’s going to get stuck in his own head up there,” she answered like it was the most obvious answer in the book. “Be reminded of his dad’s last flight, and that’s the very last thing he needs right now.”
Beau shook his head, needing her to listen.
“He’s trained to compartmentalize. To fly levelheaded up there always,” he reminded her. He may have disliked Mitchell on principle, but even he’d admit the guy was a damn good pilot for pulling off as many rumored saves over his career that shouldn’t have worked but had somehow. “Whatever happens next, I promise you it’s not because of something you said when you were saying goodbye. Reassuring him in that moment will not suddenly affect his ability to fly, prevent him from coming home to you. That’s not how it works. There are a million other variables, but that isn’t one of them.”
She nodded silently, swallowing and very clearly pulling back in on herself.
“You always said goodbye to me before I left for deployment in the past, remember?” he pointed out to her. “You used to love telling me to fly safe as well. To come home, too.” He could tell she was listening. “I’d love to tell you I thought of you up there when I was flying, but I never did. I focused on my mission at hand because that was what was required to ensure I came home safe and sound. I couldn’t afford to think about you and Dad. There frankly isn’t any room in the cockpit for that.”
“Glad to see you haven’t lost your human touch over the years,” she quipped.
Turning his head, he pressed a soft kiss against the side of her head, grateful to hear her longtime tease of him. “Love you, Penelope.” He smiled at her genuine subdued laughter that followed. She wasn’t going to last much longer. Her strength was waning rapidly.
“I missed you,” she whispered.
“Same.” He wrapped his arms around her tenderly, feeling her sag further back against him. “We’re all going to fight with you this time, Penny. Every single one of us.”
She shook her head against his shoulder with a shuddering breath.
“I can’t,” she cried shakily, letting him know he pushed too far. “I know that . . . that if I talked about . . . told someone about . . . but I can’t. Beau, I can’t,” she wept, shaking horribly in his arms.
“I know it’s difficult. That you’re scared of him, of losing her because of it. You don’t have to go through this all alone again. You don’t. Because we’re right here, Penny. We’re not going anywhere. We’re not leaving you.”
“Keep my baby safe for me?” her voice cracked as she spoke a moment later.
“Of course.” He most definitely would. There was no question about that. He’d protect her daughter with his dying breath if it came to it.
She nodded to herself, inhaling deeply and forcing the air into her lungs. She wiped at her eyes for half a moment before she rose to her feet.
Dread filled his stomach at the sight, recognizing that she was about to rabbit again.
“Penny,” he pleaded, reaching for her arm to stop her.
Stepping out of his reach, though, she wrapped her arms protectively around herself.
“You can’t. You’ll regret it if you don’t say your goodbyes to her. It’ll eat you up inside. Don’t be a dumbass here, Benjamin." Why was she doing this? "No one is asking you to walk away from her today. No one is asking you to leave.” He sure as hell wasn't!
“I’m the reason she’s here. Me!”
She couldn’t honestly believe that. “That bastard Sullivan is the reason she’s here, not you!” He stared at her, horrified by her rapidly darkening thoughts. “You can’t let him win.”
“I’m not, Beau. I’m giving my baby the best chance at survival,” she stated with squared shoulders. “To make it through this. Just like I’ve always done for her. This is how she survives.”
“What about you?”
She smiled faintly and shrugged lightly. “I’ll be fine.” She wouldn't. Gently, she caressed his cheek for a moment before she turned and left him standing alone, watching her leave.