Work Text:
CG: HOLD THAT THOUGHT. IT LOOKS LIKE MY ASSHOLE OF A LUSUS FINALLY DECIDED TO TURN UP AFTER BEING GONE ALL FUCKING NIGHT!
Karkat angrily shot up from his chair after typing that last message to his friend on trollian. Sollux was always up for a good conversation (which may or may not degrade into some petty argument) into the late hours of the morning. He was Karkat’s insomnia bro, it was him. However, insomnia wasn’t what kept the troll up this night.
The banging and screeching outside his hive’s front door persisted, demanding that Karkat come let him in. The troll huffed in irritation when he reached the bottom of the stairs, pondering whether or not he should just leave his idiot lusus outside and let his carapace bleach in the sun a little. He didn’t understand why he didn’t let himself in anyway! The crustacean custodian knew how to open the door, so why was he standing outside disturbing the neighbors and screeching up a-
Wait.
Karkat paused, sniffing at the air. It was filled with a gross, salty scent that smelled of ocean seaweed, but at the same time Karkat could make out another smell that made his mouth water. He snapped his head around to look at the calendar and oh my god it’s that time of the sweep already!?
He dashed like a madtroll to open the door and yes! Standing before him was his lusus clutching a claw full of shiny smooth orbs, shimmering and iridescent purple in the rising sunlight. He looked to the side behind him and saw that he also had a ridiculously large leaf (too large, where does he even find a plant that huge) that he used to drag an even larger pile of the orbs.
Karkat tried very hard not to screech out in glee. He succeeded, for the most part.
In his perpetual grumpiness and hostile mood, it had totally slipped the young troll’s mind that today marked the beginning of the third dark season preceding the coming temperature drop that plagued Alternia during this part of the sweep. This meant that the colossal sky moonfish returned to the sea to spawn. Their eggs are considered a rare delicacy enjoyed only by sea trolls and high bloods with the right connections. Being Karkat Vantas, he was neither a sea troll nor did he have those connections (he knew a sea troll, but that hipster douche bag believes the eggs are gross. Karkat believes he’s out of his fucking pan.)
Fortunately, he had Crabdad.
Crabdad, despite being an insufferable ignoramus who couldn’t follow simple instructions and who possessed no regard for his privacy, had an uncanny skill to gather a metric fuckton of moonfish eggs whenever the season started. He’d leave early dusk to hobble the distance to the ocean and not return until almost after dawn, more or less causing Karkat to worry his ass off until he comes back. Every year, his charge would have a rant prepped and ready for him every time for when he got home, but it would never be used.
Even more impressive, he manages to get them unfertilized. This was major, because moonfish eggs have a bitter, supposedly refined taste, but getting them without the male smatterings all over them leaves them pure and sweet. It was the greatest, and very few trolls, even highbloods, were aware that they tasted this way, only knowing that they embittered with time. He didn’t know how the fuck he does it every sweep without fail, but he never questioned it (as if he’d get a decipherable answer anyway.)
This was one of the few, if not the only, things that Karkat considered himself lucky for.
His Lusus chattered at him, breaking him out of his trance so that he could move out of the way. The crustacean dragged his bounty into the kitchen and just left it in the middle of the floor. He dropped the bit he was holding in the crook of his claw on the main pile and a whole bunch of them toppled down and rolled across the kitchen floor in all directions. Karkat didn’t mind because he was too focused on where to begin. He looked up at his lusus as if to ask permission to dig in. Crabdad’s gaze alternated from the eggs to his charge expectantly, pretty much telling him all Karkat needed to know.
The troll picked up one of the spheres off the top of the pile and rolled it around in his hand. The skin was soft, slippery, and almost plastic-like, designed to retain moisture out of water for long spans of time in case of a drought, and they were small enough that he was able to fit maybe three of them in his palm at once, the perfect size to just pop into your mouth. That is the proper way to eat a moonfish egg, and no one could tell Karkat otherwise. All of those gourmet seafood chefs and their overcomplicated recipes can go to hell.
He stuck one into his mouth, rolling it around his tongue and tasting the sea salt still coating the morsel. The outside was nearly tasteless, but he maneuvered it between his blunt back teeth and chomped down, breaking the shell and allowing the long anticipated, nutrient-rich inside to gush all over his mouth.
Karkat nearly swooned when he tasted the sweet, viscous center enhanced by the salt that prepared his palette beforehand. Its consistency wasn’t nearly as runny as cluckbeast eggs and it went down smoothly when he swallowed. The shells themselves were also kind of chewy, and they had a strange inner coating that was a different taste all together. Perfect.
He took a seat on the floor and popped another into his mouth, giving it the same treatment. Then he did so to a third. These eggs were like fried spud waifs; you couldn’t eat just one. Crabdad lumbered over to him and nudged his shoulder with a claw.
“I’m trying to eat here!” Karkat replied flippantly with an egg visibly bulging out his left cheek. His lusus screeched at him, eager to know how they were. “They’re fine, otherwise, I wouldn’t be shoving down my chute right now.”
His custodian let out a satisfied rumble, retreating to his corner of the hive to let his troll eat and enjoy himself.
After a while, Karkat had ingested a notable amount of the eggs, but he barely made a dent in the total number. He’d lost count by this point (as if he was making much of an effort) and he was starting to feel a bit full. He was far from finished, however. Standing up and adjusting his pants a little, he walked back upstairs, being sure to bring two pocketfuls of eggs with him. Sollux was still expecting him back, and Karkat had enough class not to just leave him hanging. He popped another egg into his mouth before bringing the window with Sollux back to the front
CG: OK BACK.
TA: 2o wa2 that hiim?
CG: YEAH THAT WAS HIM.
TA: what happened did he liike get lo2t on an errand two the fii2hmarket or 2omethiing?
CG: NO, EVEN BETTER
CG: AND I MEAN THAT WITHOUT A LICK OF INSINCERITY.
TA: ga2p, no iin2iinceriity!?
CG: HE BROUGHT HOME A BUNCH OF MOONFISH EGGS
CG: IT’S LIKE MOTHERFUCKING TWELFTH PERIGEE’S EVE IN HERE.
TA: oh god tho2e gro22 fii2h egg2?
TA: yeah iit2 that time of the 2weep already huh.
TA: ii dont get how can you even eat tho2e na2ty thiing2
CG: SEE, YOU CAN ONLY SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER TRIED THEM THE WAY I LIKE THEM.
CG: I DON’T KNOW HOW THE FUCK HE DOES IT, BUT HE GETS THEM BEFORE THEY’RE SOAKED IN DISGUSTING GENETIC MATERIAL AND TURNED INTO BALLS OF PERPETUALLY INTENSIFYING BITTERNESS.
TA: ii bet they 2tiill ta2te liike 2hameglobe2
CG: BITCH, PLEASE.
CG: AND IT’S NOT LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT GLOBES TASTE LIKE IN THE FIRST PLACE.
CG: NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD PUT ANY TYPE OF SENSITIVE BODY PART ANYPLACE NEAR THAT CLUSTERFUCK OF AN ORIFICE YOU CALL A MOUTH.
CG: THESE EGGS ARE FUCKING GREAT.
CG: END OF STORY.
CG: I SHOULD SAVE SOME FOR YOU TO TRY NEXT TIME YOU COME BY.
CG: I ASSURE YOU THAT YOU’LL SHUT RIGHT THE HELL UP ONCE YOU PARTAKE IN THE SWEET MEDLEY CONTAINED IN THESE SLIPPERY CAPSULES OF EXALTED DELICIOUSNESS.
TA: ii enjoy the 2entiiment but noooooo thank2
TA: you go have fun 2tuffing your face wiith fiish egg2 your lu2u2 dragged home fre2h from flyiing fiish nook
TA: wow dont they 2ound even LE22 appealiing after readiing that?
CG: YOUR ATTEMPTS TO RUIN MY APPETITE ARE IN VAIN.
CG: THEY ARE SIMPLY THAT FUCKING GOOD.
TA: eheheh whatever kk
TA: ju2t try not two eat your2elf 2iick
TA: you weiirdo
-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG].--
Karkat shrugged, chewing on another egg before getting up and heading back into the kitchen. Sollux was totally missing out, and he was talking utter nonsense about him eating himself sick; his stomach was made of cast fucking iron.
After a few minutes of yelling at Crabdad, demanding to know where he put the sweet grub sauce (because nothing was too sweet, Karkat believed), he got back to work filling his belly. They were always best the first night, and he made sure to indulge himself as much as he could. They were still good the second, the third, and even the tenth night after, but nothing beat the first night.
Soon, his pants were getting unbearably tight and he had to take a breather. He looked down and saw the damage he’d done; his stomach was visibly bloated, pressing slightly against his sweater, and the waist of his pants creaked, the clasp threatening to snap off he didn’t remedy the problem. On a normal basis, he stopped eating before ever getting this full, but this occasion was an exception.
He reached down and undid the clasp, sighing with relief when his stomach was allowed the extra room to expand a little. Rubbing the outward curve to let the contents settle a bit, he managed to free an impressive belch that gave him some space to work with.
Karkat’s indulgence continued, albeit a little slower. He found it more comfortable to sit on the floor, leaning back on one hand while he continued tossing more of the delicious spheres into his waiting maw. He was pretty much past full, but kept on going anyway because they were just that good.
If and when he gets to this point (and he always did), he’d eat the eggs at a more leisurely pace, keeping things a little interesting by devouring the eggs in different ways. Sometimes he’d carefully open up the shell and drain the inside, leaving the shell and its dark inner layer left for him to lick clean and subsequently chew on. Other times, he’d throw in other foodstuffs, usually desserts, or just toss the eggs around while he waited for his stomach to settle. Crabdad would throw a fit if he saw him play with his food in such a way, but Karkat didn’t care.
In fact, he cared very little about anything during these moments. He didn’t care about how his sweater started to rise up, exposing a sliver of gray skin that grew with each swallow. He didn’t care about the faint sound his zipper made as his bloating pushed it down. And he didn’t care about the pangs of fullness that grew in intensity with time. He would keep eating until he was just short of bursting and he passes out, his belly warm, taut, and blushing dusty red from being so full.
They were just that fucking good.
===
Crabdad knew what his wiggler liked, and that made it much easier to prepare for the coming cold season.
See, surviving the cold season was a feat in of itself, and the rations sent to the hive, in Crabdad’s opinion, were far from adequate to fatten his charge up. This was why the crustacean lusus would go fetch this large amount of moonfish eggs whenever the time came. Food would soon become sparse, so he needed to make sure that Karkat had a few extra layers on him (and no, clothes weren’t what Crabdad had in mind. He didn’t know what the deal was with clothes anyway) by making sure he hunted more frequently during the season preceding the cold.
When he returned to the kitchen, Crabdad clicked at the back of his throat proudly when his many eyes looked upon the stuffed and satiated form of his charge sprawled out on the floor, his bloated belly looming straight into the air, moving slightly with each slow breath. He approached cautiously, soon noticing that he was passed out. Karkat was up all morning waiting for him, then stayed up even longer to eat, so the lusus was sure he was tired after stuffing himself.
Every year, Karkat would make a larger dent in the pile of eggs that were brought home, so his lusus made sure he compensated. There were still plenty of eggs left, and it would be near impossible to eat all of them within the first few days. Crabdad will later collect them up and shove them into the thermo hull later so Karkat could snack on them during the coming weeks, but now he had to get his boy to his recuperacoon before the nightmares were upon him.
He walked over to him and gingerly lifted the small troll, cradling him in his claw, before turning to head upstairs. About halfway up he squirmed a bit, eyes fluttering just a little before his face scrunched up in obvious discomfort. His hands moved to cradle his overfull stomach, which was making faint noises of discontent. Crabdad adjusted his hold and chattered at him soothingly.
When he finally got to his respite block, Karkat had started waking up again. Crabdad took this opportunity to get him to his feet, clicking at him so that he’d undress. He was apparently too drowsy and full to function, so the lusus took it upon himself to assist, pulling his sweater over his head and pulling off his pants. The latter was a simple feat, since the clasp and zipper were already undone. He helped him clamber over the edge of his coon and he splashed languidly into the green slime. He dozed off immediately once he was settled, the peak of his engorged stomach poking out of the top of the slime.
After sure that Karkat was comfy, Crabdad started on his way out. His troll’s computer made a sharp sound, and he growled in irritation. He looked over at the screen and saw dull yellow lines appear across a white window.
TA: kk you 2tiill up?
TA: ju2t droppiing by for the cu2tomary follow up me22age to make 2ure you hadnt exploded
TA: ii mean you alway2 eat your2elf iinto a coma the fiir2t day of thii2 2ea2on every sweep
TA: 2o you be2t check iin whenever you wake up
TA: a22umiing you can get to your computer when youre fiilled wiith more egg2 than the broodiing cavern2
TA: but 2eriiou2ly troll me toniight
Crabdad shook his head. That was that strange little friend of Karkat’s with the bifurcation quirk that he often spoke with. He should be in his recuperacoon, and Crabdad wondered what his lusus was doing letting him stay up into the morning like that. He wasn’t even sure if his lusus even fed him because he was so thin. Utterly deplorable.
Karkat needed his rest, so his lusus pounded at the computer until the screen shut off. He doesn’t know how to turn it off in a way that didn’t result in Karkat screaming at him the next morning, but it didn’t matter; Karkat always found a reason to scream at him. Crabdad had more important things to worry about.