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Kieran’s eyes widened and his face drained of color the moment his gaze finally settled on the person Drayton was sitting next to.
He didn’t even notice her at first, too busy being pissed off at Drayton… being Drayton. The moment he laid eyes on her though he recognized her.
Her hair was longer, he always thought she had short hair for a girl but now it was almost reaching her shoulders. Everything else was the same, chocolate brown eyes, freckles, and slightly rosy cheeks. She had a small shy smile as she waved at him, somehow happy to see him.
No, she couldn’t be happy, it had to be fake. She was just messing with him.
He tuned out everyone else’s words as he comprehended his current situation. Juliana was here, right in front of him. At his school, in the blueberry uniform, next to Drayton?! He almost thought he was dreaming, but that would require him to actually get enough sleep at night to dream.
“…Kieran?” Someone said his name, pulling him out of his trance, he only briefly registered Juliana’s concerned look at his distracted gaze.
“We were asking if you would approve Juliana’s entrance into the League club. The vote is currently tied.” Amarys helpfully supplied.
He set his eyes back towards Juliana, and she flinched at the intensity they gave off. Good. “It doesn’t matter, I don’t lose.” With that, Kieran set off out of the cafeteria, ignoring everyone behind him.
_______________________________________
The next time Kieran ran into Juliana was later that night.
He had just finished training, working his team twice as hard with the advent of Juliana’s arrival, which meant he was returning to his room much later than usual.
He never ran into anyone at these times, so he was surprised when he bumped into someone turning the corner to the main elevator. He almost went off on the poor kid who had barreled straight into him but stopped when he realized that he had collided head first into Juliana.
The two stared at each other for a moment, and Kieran stifled a gasp when he realized he had to look slightly up to meet her eyes. Had she gotten taller? Before him?! How dare she?!
His indignity almost blocked out her words, though unfortunately for him Juliana speaking always seemed to grab his attention by the throat. “H-hey Kieran.”
“Juliana.” He replied, getting his rapidly beating heart under control. He spent months preparing to face Juliana again, and he wasn’t going to falter now.
“I… um… we didn’t get to talk much earlier… h-how’ve you been?” Juliana asked kindly, seemingly nervous but with a small gentle smile on her face. It made Kieran sick.
“Fine.” The purple haired boy replied, getting a sick satisfaction from the dejected look now painted on Juliana’s face at the icy cold tone.
“O-oh, well that’s good! I’m glad!” Juliana let out a bigger smile and her tone began to get more and more confident, much closer to the Juliana he remembered knowing in Kitakami. He didn’t appreciate that at all.
“…did you need something?” He asked aggravatedly, annoyed when she refused to say anything else.
“O-oh… n-no I didn’t have anything, um, specifically to say. Just wanted to check in and talk.” She sounded almost hopeful at the end. Like she was looking forward to the idea of talking to him. He almost hurled.
“Well you did, so bye.” He pushed past her, making sure to bump her shoulder with a little more force than necessary.
He ignored the traitorous ache in his chest when she almost fell over, barely keeping herself up by clinging to the wall.
“K-Kieran, wait please…” she practically begged, still pleading to him despite his very clear signs that he wasn’t interested in a conversation.
“What?!” He snapped back, whipping his head around so fast she flinched.
“I-I’m sorry, ok? I-I’m sorry things ended so… awfully last time. I-I just wanted to talk to you again, and maybe be friends?” She sounded so desperate, like her life depended on his answer. He scowled.
He had so many things he wanted to say to her, to let all his rage and hatred expel like a damn breaking loose, but he knew now wasn’t the time for that. He could rip into her, tell her just how much her betrayal hurt him after he destroyed her and her team. After she was forced to wallow in self pity and despair at how weak she was compared to him, just like he had to suffer from his own defeat.
“We were never friends. You made that clear.” Kieran spat out, turning back and making his way to his room. If he had stayed even a second longer, he might have heard the beginnings of Juliana’s breakdown.
_______________________________________
Kieran didn’t see Juliana much after their late night interaction.
He saw her occasionally in classes, sometimes he’d catch glimpses of her riding that Kaiju around the terrarium while he was training. It almost seemed like she was being purposely unobtrusive, trying to blend into the background and not be noticed.
He knew she was shy, it took her a bit to even start talking to him in Kitakami, but this was just ridiculous.
That wasn’t even the worst part. No, the worst part was that she hadn’t even started challenging the elite four yet. He had given her a pass straight through the lower levels all the way to the top and she hadn’t even started fighting yet?! What was she doing?
It came to a head after Juliana’s first month at blueberry (no Kieran was not counting the days that she was here that would be ridiculous.) He finally had enough of the Paldean’s stalling and sought out an opportunity to confront her.
He got his perfect chance when he chanced upon her alone in the League club room, sitting alone at the main table and snacking on some random snack bag.
(He immediately hoped that it wasn’t one of Drayton’s, those things could be left out for months knowing the lazy boys general disregard for his own health. Not that he was worried or anything, just that any form of sickness would only delay their rematch even further.)
“There you are.” He spoke out immediately, stalking towards her. He ignored her panicked jump. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“Y-you have?” Juliana exclaimed excitedly, her face flushing slightly.
“Yes! What are you doing, sitting around doing nothing?!” He complained, slamming his hands onto the desk. Juliana jumped back, trying to calm herself.
“I-I wasn’t doing nothing! I-I just finished doing my homework, and I wanted a snack! There’s nothing wrong with that.” Juliana defended herself, and Kieran responded with an eye roll.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. I mean why haven’t you started the league challenge yet?! I’ve been waiting for our rematch for weeks!”
Juliana visibly deflated. “O-oh, that. Kieran I don’t think we should try and resolve our issues with some Pokemon battle. W-why don’t we just talk? M-maybe we could go get lunch sometime and work things out?” Juliana’s enthusiasm mounted as she went along, sounding like she was quite delighted with the idea of being friends again and getting lunch with him. Like that would just magically solve all of their problems.
“Oh yeah, talking. Cause you just love doing that. You loved talking to Carmine and my grandpa behind my back didn’t you?” Kieran accused, reveling in the way Julian’s eyes widened at that, seeing the guilt pool in her pupils.
“I-I thought-” Kieran didn’t even let her get a sentence out before he cut her off again.
“But you didn’t want to talk to me when I gave you the chance, when I asked you what was going on! How come you only want to talk when it benefits you huh? You didn’t want to talk things out then so why do you want to now?!”
Juliana looked like she was barely holding in tears now, Kieran scoffed and looked away (not because he couldn’t stand to look at the hurt look on her face, but just because he couldn’t image how he let himself lose to someone who was acting so pathetic) “K-Kieran I’m really sorry, I can explain-”
At that moment someone opened the club doors and Juliana stopped talking immediately, like someone had hit the brakes on her sentence.
Kieran didn’t even bother checking to see who had entered, his only focus was on Juliana. “What? C’mon Juliana, what’s your problem?! Talk to me, you wanted to talk so much so how about you-!”
Kieran was cut off by a hand clamping down painfully onto his shoulder. “Whoa there buddy, let’s just all calm down, all right?”
Kieran pulled his shoulder free from the persons grasp. He had recognized the aggravating voice immediately, turning to stare daggers at Drayton’s stupid face.
The dragon specialist had that same little smile he always plastered on his face, though now it was looking even more forced than usual, and there was a dangerous glint in his eye. Nothing Kieran liked.
He almost didn’t even notice that Lacey had followed right behind Drayton, making a beeline to the distressed Juliana. “H-hey Julie, you ok?” She asked, casting worried glances at the raging champion.
Juliana, who looked on the verge of another breakdown, just nodded wordlessly and gathered up her bags and snack back, leaving the club room as quickly as she could. Kieran cursed under his breath.
“Great, now I’m going to have to find her again to get her to do the elite four.” Kieran started to make his way after Juliana but Drayton roughly pushed him back.
“Nuh uh, don’t you think you're going anywhere after that little stunt you just pulled.” Drayton dropped his usual act and uncharacteristically straightened up, looking rather serious. “You gotta a lot of nerve acting like that.”
“Making fun of Juliana like that, practically bullying her? It’s just not right Kieran!” Lacey accentuated her statement with her signature arm cross, completely losing any semblance of authority her serious tone tried to convey.
Kieran scoffed. “What are you two even talking about?”
Drayton scowled. “Asking her what her problem is? Telling her to talk? Those are some low blows champ, low even for you.”
“What are you talking about?” Kieran’s voice had lost all aggression, genuine confusion taking over.
“Well, you know, her selective mutism? The email we got explaining why she wouldn’t be talking to people? You did read that right?” Lacey accused, now somehow more vexed upon realizing that their champion didn’t even bother to read the school issued emails regarding important information.
“No, of course I didn’t. Those are always useless, Cyrano just sends the same thing every week.” Kieran waved their concerns off.
Drayton and Lacey shared a look. “Ok, but you met her back in your hometown right? You never thought it was a little weird how she never talked?” Drayton asked, his anger also washing away to pure confusion.
“I seriously don’t get what you guys are talking about. She was a little shy at first but she got over that.” Kieran scoffed and pushed past the two while they were reeling from confusion. He mumbled something about wasting his chance to talk to Juliana as he pushed past the league doors.
Drayton huffed out a breath. “Well, that complicates things.”
_______________________________________
Late that night, in his dorm room Kieran found himself scouring through his emails, looking for a specific one. He had to shift through a bunch of useless crap before he finally arrived at the one he was searching for.
About a month ago, an email from director Cyrano. He had skimmed past if before, used to ignoring the worthless ramblings of his forgetful principal. The title now held a brand new meaning to him.
‘Temporary transfer student.’ It read. Kieran scoffed at the vagueness. He clicked it.
For a second, he actually wished he did read the email. At least then he would have gotten a heads up about Juliana suddenly appearing at his school, instead of the blindside he had to deal with.
He let his eyes lazily pass down the document. He barely registered what he was reading, something about the time she’d be here, how Cyrano wanted him to give her a tour (Lacey handled that he was pretty sure, he was too busy for crap like that) nothing of note or substance that stood out to him.
Except the last paragraph, it was formatted differently, more of a personal addendum to the page rather than the formatted copy and paste work above.
‘Naranja academy has also informed us of an anxiety disorder Juliana suffers from, selective mutism. Our professors have been informed of the condition and will adjust accordingly, and I hope that you can accommodate Juliana’s unique needs and treat her just as you would any other student.’
Selective mutism… that’s the term Lacey spouted out when her and Drayton were going off on him in the club room.
Kieran opened another tab on his school issued laptop. He punched in the words, searching for the condition.
It didn’t take him long to find it, clicking on the first link he found.
It was an anxiety order, something he knew already, so he kept scrolling until he found something actually useful.
“‘Selective mutism (SM) is a mental health condition where you can’t talk in certain situations because of fear or anxiety. It usually affects young children, but it can also affect adolescents and adults.’” He quoted off. “‘This condition is more than being shy, bashful or timid. SM is an anxiety disorder. It can overlap with other anxiety-related conditions and have lingering effects later in life.’” He finished.
He kept scrolling, though the only useful information he could find past that point was symptoms, though it was more so just telling him more situations where one would be unable to speak. It wasn’t until the very end that something finally caught his attention.
‘Those with this disorder may have experienced severe bullying, a traumatic event, or some other experience that may have affected them mentally. While treatable, it can negatively impact their social skills, and leave them only able to openly communicate when in a location or among people they trust.’ That really stumped Kieran. That didn’t sound like Juliana at all.
His mind cast himself back to Kitakami, the first real day of the school trip.
His embarrassment at Carmine forcing him and Juliana to pair up, saying some lie about him ‘not shutting up about her’. Having a Pokemon battle, doing a little better then even his sister by taking down one or two of Juliana’s Pokemon.
And the long, very awkward and very quiet trek up towards the first signboard.
‘Why’d Carmine have to force us to partner up?!’ He distinctly remembered thinking, bemoaning his sister and her meddling. ‘I’m too shy to start a conversation and I don’t think Juliana’s said a single word since she got here.’
The girl hadn’t even introduced herself, Ms.Briar had to do it for her. She was probably even shyer than he was, and that was saying something.
So now two socially awkward shy teenagers were forced to spend the next week working together. It sounded like his personal nightmare.
Kieran let out a sigh of relief once they arrived at the first signboard, a purpose finally giving him the motivation to speak up. “S-so I already know the story pretty well… so you can take a second to if you want.”
Juliana nodded wordlessly, turning her attention fully to the sign. Kieran stood around awkwardly, waiting for her to finish up reading.
Juliana nodded once she had finished turning back to Kieran to signal she had finished reading. “S-so what did you think of the story?” He asked.
Juliana just shrugged, and Kieran sighed. He guessed she still wasn’t going to be talking to him anytime soon. “Well uh, you’ve got a phone right? We should probably take that selfie now…”
Juliana nodded, fumbling to pull her phone out of her pocket. Once she finally got it up, she gestured for him to join her next to the signboard, and the two posed awkwardly in front of it.
‘I feel like I’m just making this worse and worse.’ He cringed at his awkward little peace sign, not bothering to look at Juliana’s similarly awkward stance.
Juliana put her rotom phone back into her pocket, fiddling with her nails nervously. Oh Arceus he was going to be dealing with this for a whole week?!
Kieran took a deep sigh, prepping himself for what he was about to do. There was a reason he didn’t have many (any) friends at blueberry, and that was his shy demeanor and social awkwardness.
Maybe this could be chance, someone he was only going to know for a week, one that he could try to break out of his shell for, maybe learn to talk to people better. Might as well try.
“Uh, hey.” He started, jumping a little as Juliana shot up and stared him dead in the eyes, almost as shocked as he was to actually be initiating a conversation. “L-listen, um… I’m gonna be super honest here, I’m real, real awkward, and from the fact that you don't talk a whole lot I figure you're the same…”
Kieran looked away, hoping that this conversation would be easier if he didn’t have to look her in the eyes. “W-what I’m trying to get at is that I get what you're feeling, at least I think I do, so I was thinking maybe we take a sec to get to know each other?”
He finally turned to look Juliana in the eye. She looked surprised, but not in an uncomfortable way. “S-so, do you want to do something to break the ice? We could have a picnic? I’d love a good sandwich right about-”
Juliana’s eyes widened even further and she reached her hands up as if to stop the words from exiting but it was already to late.
In a red flash a giant red beast emerged from Juliana’s bag, towering over Kieran. The raven haired boy yelped in surprise as the monster peered down at him, and for a moment Kieran swore he felt his life flash before his eyes.
The great thing leaned down, opening its jaw wide enough to swallow his head whole.
‘This is how I die.’ Were Kieran’s panicked, final thoughts as he stood rooted in place, awaiting his demise.
Or that would be the case if the thing didn’t lean down to slobber all over his face, more like a boltund than the giant monstrosity before him. He gagged at the awful smell and tried to wipe it off his face.
“O-oh eww, w-what in the-” the creature cut him off by shoving its oversized head into his gut, sniffing around like it was looking for something. Once it had deemed its search a failure it raised its head back up to stare him in the face, like it wanted something from him.
“K-Koraidon!” A scratchy and seemingly underused voice called out from next to him, sounding suspiciously like it was trying to hold in laughter. “You c-can’t just lick people you don’t know like that! He doesn’t have any sandwiches for you!”
The great beast, or Koraidon as the voice had called it, sauntered back to its owner dejectedly, upset at the lack of its favorite food. Kieran desperately tried to wipe off the saliva on his face, turning to look at Juliana.
Kieran hadn’t seen the girl so expressive in the short time he had known her, as she tried to hold in laughter at his expense, only a slight trace of guilt at the situation present. She raised her hand. “I-I’m not laughing at you, I-i swear.”
Kieran could only stare dumbfounded for a moment, before a smile cracked onto his face. “T-then why are you holding it back!” He shot back.
Somehow that’s what broke Juliana’s mental dam, finally releasing the laugh she had been trying respectfully to hold back. “I-I’m sorry, just… your face when Koraidon licked you! You looked so scared and then so grossed out!”
Kieran found himself giggling along. “Yeah yeah, alright laugh it up.” Kieran couldn’t find it in himself to be too upset, just glad that whatever awkward wall had been placed between the two of them had finally been demolished. There was something about her laugh and smile that just put him at ease.
Kieran found himself smiling at the memory, eyes glazed over and not fully comprehending the screen in front of him. He shook his head once the memory cleared, scowling. He shouldn’t be happy about those times, Juliana was lying to his face the whole time! Their friendship barely even began before she immediately began lying to his face!
He thought long and hard about the words he read as he shut the laptop down and sunk into his bed. She couldn’t have that mutism or whatever it was called, the article said people like that only talked in certain circumstances. Like in places they felt safe in, or around people they trusted. And she sure as heck didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth, didn’t believe in him enough to think he could handle the truth.
So was she faking it? Well that didn’t make sense at all. She never spoke around Carmine, at least not when he was around, and would go back to her bubbly, surprisingly talkative self the moment she was gone. Now that he thought about it the few times he had seen her around others at blueberry she never said a word. She only talked to him when they were alone.
That still didn’t make sense though! Why would she trust him? So soon after meeting him, and if she did trust him why lie to him?
Kieran had one final thought before drifting off to sleep, ‘what is this girl's deal?’
_______________________________________
Kieran was a bit surprised when he found out Juliana was actually taking on the league elite four.
He figured she was going to chicken out, simply wait out her days in blueberry until she could leave. Now he found himself approaching her at Lacey’s battle court, talking to Drayton.
Well, talking wasn’t the right word. Drayton was talking to her, and she was nodding along. Smiling, but not saying a word. She was her usual bubbly self, the excitement and joy radiating off of her was enough to make him sick even at this distance, but she never responded to anything. She definitely wasn’t shy, that’s not the reason behind her lack of speech. Kieran still couldn’t wrap his head around the mute thing though.
There was simply no way Juliana trusted him enough to start speaking to him immediately but also betray his trust five seconds later. He couldn’t believe it. The thought almost made the betrayal even worse.
“Took you long enough, kinda slow for you isn’t this Juliana? I thought you’d be farther already.” Kieran said in lieu of a greeting. The two turned to meet his eye.
“Well there’s our great champion! You scared of a little competition from Julie here?” Drayton sarcastically responded, the mirth in his voice not reaching his eyes. Kieran scoffed.
“Why would I be, she’s the only one who might give me a decent challenge in this whole school.” Kieran shot back, not bothering with any of Drayton’s passive aggressiveness. Turning his attention back towards Juliana, “Listen, you better not go losing to anybody, you got that? I’m the one who’s gonna beat you.”
He turned to leave immediately after, having said his peace. He caught part of what Drayton was spouting off to Juliana behind him but ignored it. Listening to Drayton for extended periods of time was known to cause brain cell degradation after all.
He had just gotten out of the arena and away from Lacey’s little helpers when he heard steps rapidly approaching. He turned to see…
Juliana, huffing it across the coastal biome just to catch up to him. He was just about to pull out dragonite to fly away too…
“What do you want?” He snapped, already reaching into his pocket for dragonite’s pokeball. Juliana huffed as she took a moment to breath.
“Sorry… I’m used… to Koriadon taking me everywhere. Just… give me a second.” She managed to huff out between labored breaths.
Kieran crossed his arms and actually gave her a moment, for whatever reason. Juliana seemed to appreciate it. “Listen, Kieran, I-i know your still mad at me for what happened in Kitakami, I get it. But… I really do just want to talk. We don’t have to have some big battle or whatever, just let me explain what happened. I know I shouldn’t have lied to you and I’m sorry Ogerpon choose to-”
Kieran had heard enough. “I. Don’t. Want. To. Hear. It.” He cut her off aggressively, practically pushing the words through clenched teeth. “I don’t care why you lied to me. I don’t care why the Oger chose you. I thought I was your friend, but you choose Carmine over me. You lied to my face over and over again, and then you took the one thing I looked up to, the one thing I could relate to from me. I was weak then, not strong enough to be the Oger’s partner, not strong enough for you to trust me. But I’m strong now. Stronger than you. And I’ll prove it.”
Kieran tossed out Dragonite’s Pokeball, pulling himself up so he could fly out of there as soon as possible. He had to physically force himself to look away from Juliana, some weak part of him still remained that felt guilt at the unshead tears in her eyes.
He took off, trying his best to force the tears out of his eyes before they could even fall.
_______________________________________
The day of the championship battle came sooner than he expected. Juliana beat the remaining elite four even faster after their little encounter in the coastal biome. He supposed he should be happy, this is exactly what he had wanted her to do since the beginning.
So why did the butterfree in his stomach refuse to go away?
Kieran shook his head, something he had been doing a lot more ever since Juliana showed up at the academy. He had a lot more traitorous thoughts ever since her arrival. Things the old weaker Kieran would have felt.
He had to be strong. He refused to be anything less.
He almost didn’t even recognize the girl entering the court. Unusually serious, and surprisingly calm, it was the exact opposite of what he had come to expect from the brown haired Paldean he had met so many months ago.
If it wasn’t for the slight tremble that wracked her whole figure every few seconds he wouldn’t suspected a zoroark had replaced her. There’s the Juliana he knew.
He kept his nervousness internal, making sure to even his breathing and keeping his body still. He wouldn’t show any sign of weakness, unlike her.
He monologued, ranted about everything that he had done to get here, everything he put himself through. He barely paid attention to Juliana’s reaction, though the one time he did he nearly started the match right there at the look of pity in her eye.
He practically growled. He was here to destroy her, and she felt pity? For him?! Oh he was gonna crush her.
Losing was not an option.
The battle was long and arduous, Kieran had improved a lot, but so had Juliana. For every blow he dealt to her she dealt one right back to him. Any lead one took temporarily was immediately evened out by an action taken by the other. They truly were evenly matched.
He didn’t even register the moment where it happened. Hydrapple went down. Well that was ok, Juliana was down to her last Pokemon, he just had to send out-
His brain short circuited as he reached back to his pouch and found nothing. No more Pokeballs. No more Pokemon. That could only mean…
His breath came up short, almost hyperventilating. His vision blurred. His head began to pound, like something was beating at his head with a drum.
The ringing in his ears almost drowned out the sounds of the students clamoring around the arena. ‘He really lost?’ ‘Let’s just get out of here.’
He collapsed to his knees. Hands clasped against his head. This was his chance. His opportunity to show how strong he had become. How he had surpassed Juliana.
He didn’t bother to raise his head at the footsteps approaching from behind. He didn’t even have the mental strength to be annoyed at the toothpaste haired bozo opening his mouth.
He didn't even catch most of what Drayton said, just the last sentence.
“…too bad about the outcome though huh, ex-champion.” Everything stopped, he didn’t even know if he was breathing.
‘Ex-champion’ that’s all he was now. He was still weak. Still a nobody. He had tried his best, beaten every odd and expectation, for what? At the end of it all, nothing.
Another pair of footsteps approached, moving past him and towards Drayton’s voice. He wasn’t paying attention anymore but he could hear Drayton scoff and walk away, before someone kneeled down before him. He didn’t want to look up.
A pair of hands, impossibly gentle, carefully weaved their way into his own pair, soothing his painful grip on his own hair. The hands brought his down into the other person's lap. He trailed his eyes up the arms and into a pair of chocolate brown eyes.
Juliana gently rubbed her thumb along his knuckles, in a soothing motion. She was trying to calm him down. The thought sobered Kieran immediately. She won their battle, yet she was trying to comfort him?
While his brain was slowly trying to wrap itself around the idea, Juliana was experiencing her own inner turmoil. She opened her mouth, as if to say something, but didn’t. She closed it and shut her eyes, as if deep in thought, before opening her mouth again.
No sound. She looked on the verge of her own tears as she tried to force some sort of comfort out, tried to finally speak her mind, tell him the truth now that she had wanted to the whole time since she first arrived here.
And that serene feeling that Kieran had been experiencing, broke.
It was juvenile, ridiculous, and petty, but for some reason his thoughts immediately soured. The rational part of his brain told him to calm down, that there was nothing to be mad at. The rational part of his brain did not win out.
He ripped his hands out of her grip, standing up so fast his head swam. Juliana looked up at him, surprised by his sudden movement. He just looked at her with contempt.
Something about her trying to talk. After he put his everything into getting stronger. After all his training, pushing his skill and his team to their absolute limits, here was Juliana coming in to steal everything from him once again. Several sleepless nights once after another, days on end without eating, pushing his Pokemon team to the point of perfection, all of it just to fall to Juliana once again. She didn’t work half as hard as him. She just got her special Pokemon, legendaries like the ogre and that giant Kaiju. Like she was the hero of the story or something.
“It’s not fair.” He spat out. “After all I did, I still can’t beat you! I trained hard. I worked for my place. But here you are, taking something else from me! You got your special Pokemon, you don’t gotta worry about anything. Why are you just perfect?” He asked, not expecting a response. How could he? It was cruel, but this was the only way he could beat Juliana.
Juliana opened her mouth again, desperate to explain herself. But she couldn’t. Not with the elite four and other students still around. It was like someone has placed a physical block on her voice, one she just couldn’t break through no matter how hard she tried.
(A part of Kieran broke at the display. He fought the urge to go back on his words. To say he was sorry, to start over now, while it wasn’t too late. But too much of him was stuck in the past, in the betrayal of his trust. How could she speak to him if she trusted him, and yet didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth? Why did she exclude him from it? His brain hurt at the contradiction.)
Kieran scowled. “Don’t even bother saying anything.” He leaned down. “You just couldn’t help yourself to ruin everything all over again could you? Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
He let the question sit in the air for a moment, as though she’d be able to respond. He scoffed, getting up and rushing back into blueberry academy as fast as he could.
He at the very least wanted to get back to his room before he began crying.
_______________________________________
He didn’t let anyone into his room for the next week.
The only time he left was to attend some meeting with Ms. Briar about traveling to Paldea to look for some legendary Pokemon, but that trip was still a few days away. So he occupied his time by sitting around and wallowing.
A few people knocked on the door to check on him. Drayton knocked once, more out of obligation than actual care. Crispin, Amarys, and Lacey checked in on him multiple times. For a second it sounded like they actually cared, which somehow made him feel even worse.
Carmine checked in on him every day, pleading for him to come outside. He refused to answer every time.
The one time someone knocked without saying a word somehow hurt him more than losing the actual match.
It was a week after the match that someone finally had enough of his sulking and decided to really do something about it.
He was laying on his bed, absentmindedly tossing an empty Pokeball up and down when rapid hard knocks suddenly assaulted his poor door.
“Kieran! You have five seconds to come on out before I kick this door down!” Great, Carmine was back. He would be surprised if her insane knocking hadn’t already tore the door down. “And then you get to explain to grandpa and grandma why they’re getting a bill for a broken door!”
Kieran refused to respond. “Five. Four.” She wouldn’t… right? “Three. Two.” It was Carmine, she would.
Kieran rushed to get up and open the door before she could get down to one. Carmine was crazy, she might actually resort to an extreme measure like kicking a door down to force him out. From the awkward stance he saw her in, one leg raised up and absolutely about to commit destruction of property, he knew his concerns were valid.
“Fine, fine, I’m up sis. What do you want?” He asked. He must have been a mess, because Carmine looked him up and down before sighing.
“Move, I’m coming in.” She pushed straight past him, inserting herself into his personal space. She looked around disgustedly. “You seriously need to clean this place up. Your living in a tepig sty.”
Kieran clenched his hands into fists as he closed the door. He really did not have the energy to argue right now. “Did you need something?”
“Yeah, I did. Sit down, you and I are calling some… let’s call them friends of a friend.” Carmine unceremoniously plopped herself onto his bed without permission. She raised an eyebrow at his lack of movement. “Well come on. Sooner we get this done with the sooner you can go back to doing nothing.”
Shaking his head and mumbling something unsavory under his breath, Kieran marched over and sat down besides Carmine, looking at her phone. “Who are you calling that can’t just talk to us in person?”
Carmine clicked on a contact he didn’t recognize… Arven? He didn’t know any Arven that went to this school, Carmine said they were calling a ‘friend of a friend’ but who were they both friends with? He didn’t have any friends!
Before he could ask any more questions somebody picked up the phone. On the screen was a face time a boy with ashy hair. Next to him was a girl with jet black hair, two green strands of hair sticking up and out from the top of her head.
“Finally! What took you so long to call us? And why isn’t Juliana responding to our calls?!” The boy, Arven Kieran presumed, shot out immediately in lieu of a greeting.
“Hello again Arven.” Carmine dryly responded, perking up more as she waved to the other girl. “Hey there Nemona.”
‘Nemona’ waved, much more ecstatic to see her. “Hey there Carmine! You calling to say you're coming to Paldea so we can finally have our match?”
While Arven barked out some response to Nemona’s ridiculous question, Kieran sent a confused glance at Carmine. His sister sighed and put a hand up, so he waited for the two on the phone to finish arguing.
Someone came up and stole he phone from Arven’s hand. “Sorry about them. This is just what they’re like.” This girl had red and blue hair, with glasses on her face.
“Yeah I got that idea.” Carmine responded. Kieran still stared off confused.
“Penny, give me my phone back!” Arven snatched his phone back. “Ok, sorry. Hi again Carmine.”
Carmine waved sarcastically. Kieran finally had enough. “What is happening?!”
Everyone on the phone and Cameine turned their attention towards him. “Sorry. This is my brother Kieran. Kieran, these are Julie’s friends from Paldea.”
Kieran had to do a double take at the rotom screen. These were Juliana’s friends? And how come Carmine knew them, well enough to call them?
Ignoring his rapidly mounting jealousy at the thought that Juliana introduced Carmine to her friends, Kieran turned his attention back to the screen. “Um… hi?”
Arven studied his face for a moment. “So your this Kieran kid Julies is always talking about…” Kieran seriously didn’t like the way he felt like he was being analyzed.
Nemona quickly pushed her face into the center of the screen. “Oh, you're the champion of that league you guys have over there! Julie said you were strong, if you ever visit we’ve gotta have a battle!” Juliana… talked about him?
He must have absentmindedly spoken his thoughts aloud, because he heard Arven scoff and push his way back into frame. “All the time. Weeks before she even went to that fancy school of yours all she talked about how she wanted to catch up with you. It was all we heard about.”
Kieran leaned back. Juliana was looking forward to seeing him again? But he thought she looked down on him, she didn’t even trust him enough to tell him about the ogre.
“But now.” Arven didn’t seem to notice the turmoil painted on his face. “She hasn’t responded to anything in a week. Luckily she gave Carmine our numbers in case something went wrong so at least we know she’s alive.”
“What… what was she talking about before?” Kieran dared to ask. These people weren’t talking about killing him so he presumed that they didn’t know the full context of what had been happening at Blueberry.
Nemona piped up, apparently done with being silent. “Oh she was talking about how she had finally beaten the elite four over there, and how she was on her way to challenge you! Apparently you’ve been super busy and haven’t had any time to hang out with her, which I get cause being a champion over here keeps me occupied all the time, anyways she was pretty excited cause she was hoping you two would have more time to hang out after your battle!”
Kieran froze up. Juliana still wanted to hang out with him? After all he had done?
He was a massive jerk to her, it didn’t matter if he thought he was right or not, he still was a jerk. And yet, she told her friends that she was looking forward to hanging out with him. That he was not hanging out because he was ‘busy’ and not hating her guts every conceivable second.
His hesitance set off some sort of alarm bell in Arven’s head. “She also stopped talking to us at the same time she went to fight you…” Arven was giving him a suspicious look.
Kieran for whatever reason didn’t want to look too bad in the eyes of Juliana’s friends, panicked. “O-oh well… w-we did kinda have an argument.”
Arven’s face shifted to a rage filled look. “So you're the reason Julie hasn’t been texting us for a week?! Listen here you little pip squeak-”
Penny cut him off. “Alright chill out for a second Arven. That’s enough big bro freak out for right now.” Penny adjusted her glasses and looked back at the screen. “Whatever argument you and Julie had was your business. I just wanna say she was really looking forward to seeing you again, so you might wanna get yourself back together and talk to her.” Her eyes narrowed behind her glasses. “But If she comes back to Paldea with a broken heart Arven and I will fly over to that fancy school of yours and kick your butt you got that?”
Kieran nodded, slightly nervous despite believing he could probably fight them off with his team. Penny seemed satisfied with that response.
“Alright enough threatening my brother, even if he does deserve it a little.” She whispered that part out quietly so Juliana’s friends wouldn’t hear. “Now you know why Julie hasn’t been talking to yall, we good now?”
Penny and Nemona seemed satisfied with their explanation, though Arven seemed a little less content. “Hold on. There’s… something I want to talk to Kieran about.”
The others quieted down to give him a moment. That just seemed to exasperate Arven even more. “Alone?”
The two on the other side of the call nodded and went off somewhere, telling Arven somewhere they could meet up once he was done. Carmine said something about checking his fridge so she knew what to go shopping for and handed the phone off to him.
That left him and Arven awkwardly staring each other down. Kieran with apprehension and Arven with a suspicious glare.
Eventually Arven broke the silence with a sigh. “Ok, listen up kid.”
Kieran straightened his back further than he ever had in his whole life. He felt a little ridiculous, but for whatever Arceus known reason he felt like he didn’t want to get on Juliana’s friend's bad sides.
“I don’t know what your deal is, but Julie thinks the world of you.” Arven started. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two right now, but you better straighten it out.”
Well now that was just ridiculous. Ms. Perfect with all her legendaries and crazy strong team looked up to him? Now he knew Arven had to be pulling his tail.
“What do you mean?” He tested the waters, trying to see if he could trip Arven up. He had to be lying.
“Julie told me about how you two met in Kitakami. How fast she warmed up to you.” Arven explained. “She talked to you within like, a day of meeting you.”
“Ok… I still don’t get what’s so important about that? She was just a little shy at first?” Kieran asked genuinely. Arven smacked himself in the face.
“Juliana doesn’t trust easily, or very quickly. It took me and Nemona weeks before she even said a single word to us, Penny took even longer. It might not seem like it with how happy and upbeat she is with everyone, but she’s pretty selective with who she puts her trust into. So if she started talking to you within a day of meeting you, she really trusted you quickly.” Arven gives him a very pointed look. “So don’t screw this up or hurt her ok? Or you really will be getting a visit from me and Penny.”
Arven gives his goodbyes and hangs up, leaving Kieran sitting there, brain working overdrive with this new information.
He barely registers Carmine picking her phone back up from him and saying her goodbyes, telling him how he better be ready for their trip to Paldea tomorrow.
He gets even less sleep than usual that night, contemplating all this new information.
_______________________________________
Kieran is completely ready to pass out by the time he collapses onto the air plane seat back to Unova.
He was completely emotionally and physically drained from his little temper tantrum down in area zero. The long trek up and down the crater and his sudden stark realization of all he had done wrong in the past few months had turned him to a shambling husk, just trying to make it home on his last fumes.
He lets out a long huff as he relaxes into the seat, more than ready to sleep straight through the several hour long flight. Juliana was lagging a bit behind him and Carmine, so he took the opportunity to talk to her.
“You should take the middle seat.” He started, grabbing her attention. “That way Juliana can sit on the outside row.”
Carmine tilted her head. “I’m way too tall for the middle. Julie can sit there.”
Kieran shook his head. “Yeah but then she’d have to sit next to me.”
“And that would be a problem, why?” Carmine glared at him angrily. “I swear if you didn’t learn your lesson and your still mad-”
“No!” He exclaimed a little too loudly, catching his sister off guard. “Sorry, but I don’t think Juliana wants to sit next to me. Not after all my… you know…”
“Kieran she already forgave you for that. She was forgiving you for that before you even quit your little edgy phase, even if you didn’t deserve it.” The raven haired girl argued.
“I still don’t think she wants to be in close proximity to me after being forced to deal with all of my issues for the past few weeks.” Kieran shrunk into his seat. “She’s probably gonna want a lot of distance between us for a while.”
Unfortunately for him, Juliana arrived right after he said that. Carmine turned towards her. “Julie, what seat do you want?”
Kieran was about to say something but was cut off as Juliana immediately sat down in the middle seat and promptly passed out. Much to his dismay, she decided to latch herself onto his arm and snuggle her head into his shoulder right before said passing out. While Kieran’s entire world rebooted, his cruel sister merely laughed at his plight.
“Well there’s your answer Kiki.” She taunted, settling down into her own seat.
Despite his overwhelming exhaustion, Kieran found it incredibly difficult to find sleep on the long plane ride.
Though immediate after he did, Carmine made sure to snap a picture of the two sleeping. Even besides her using it as future black mail, she had to admit the two were incredibly adorable.
_______________________________________
When Kieran promised Juliana that he wanted to make it up to everyone he had hurt in the league club he had meant it. Even though it was a long and tedious process, he saw it through to the end. It helped that Juliana was by his side every step of the way.
Apologizing to the elite four? Juliana was by his side. Making sure the people who he kicked out got a chance to join back up? Juliana was there. Changing every rule he had set up that made the club less fun for everyone involved? Juliana was there.
He couldn’t be more grateful. He couldn’t believe he had ever thought she didn’t care. It was more clear to him now that she had just made a mistake in Kitakami, that lying to him was something she regretted and was trying to make up for.
It also helped that he no longer put her on a pedestal. He wasn’t under the impression that fate was unfairly stacked on her side, or that she was somebody super special and above everyone else. She was just a person, like him or anyone else.
Not everything was perfect, he got a little jealous whenever he saw her close with her- their friends, the elite four which he was glad he could call his friends now, simply because he realized he could have gotten even closer with her in the month that she was here and he wasted time being a baby about their previous spat.
He regretted not spending her limited time at blueberry together, knowing he’d have even less time now than he would have if they had been hanging out since she arrived.
But none of that could compare to the worst part. The part that threatened to rip his heart apart if he thought about it too long. He figured there would be a rift in their relationship, not unmendable but present.
But his heart threatened to shatter when she never once talked to him since area zero.
Not even when they were alone, whereas before she would be willing to talk in his presence now she wouldn’t say a word.
He thought back to all the times he took that for granted. His talk with Arven and research into her mutism illuminated just how special their friendship was, how she had for whatever reason trusted him more than most. Enough to feel comfortable talking to him a day after they had met, something she didn’t do even with her closest friends in Paldea.
That was special, and in a way he was special in that regard. Not special in the way he used to see Juliana, an unhealthy perspective, but special because he had managed to comfort Juliana despite such a short time period of them knowing one another.
And now that was gone. Perhaps forever. Sure she might trust him enough to talk to him again one day, but there was a part of him that feared he’d never have that opportunity again. To be the one person she trusted a bit more than others, someone she could rely on in a way.
It affected him a lot more than he wanted to admit. So he bottled it up. Reasoned that his issues weren’t important at the moment, he had already let his personal problems affect the people in his life negatively, and the only thing that mattered right now was making it up to them.
That’s what he told himself at least.
_______________________________________
One week after his trip to Paldea had Kieran already reached his boiling point.
He felt pathetic to admit it but he couldn’t even go one week since promising to do better before his emotions and doubts got the better of him.
He had made up and even befriended most of the elite four, besides Drayton, him and Carmine were acting like regular siblings again, and had personally apologized to most of the people he had wronged, at least all that were even willing to hear out his apologies. He should be happy, content, he was doing the right thing.
But he still hadn’t felt like he made things up with one person, even if she insisted that he was fine. Juliana.
Kieran lay silently, eyes glued to the ceiling. He had been trying to fix his sleep schedule, though sleep would still allude him so long as he had Juliana on the mind.
He had been thinking about the brown haired Paldean a lot lately. Mainly due to the fact that she had practically glued herself to his side once his edgy phase was over and done with. But also because he still felt like there was an invisible barrier between the two. A level of trust that was now lacking despite outward appearances suggesting the two were closer than ever.
His thoughts drifted back to his conversation with Arven. Him and Juliana had something unique. Something special. A trust she afforded to very few, and a trust that he had miraculously gained substantially faster than most.
Little did Arven know that he had potentially screwed everyone up before he even realized it.
It was unlikely that Juliana would ever put that level of trust into him again. Sure, she might trust him one day, but it wouldn’t be the same. Kieran wanted to remove his own brain and punch it. Why did it matter, he knew he would have to work for forgiveness, prove he was worthy of trust once again.
And yet he couldn’t banish the thought. He had something unique and special in his hands, her trust, and he had squeezed it dry until nothing was left. All the times Juliana reached out to him, extending an olive branch to just talk rekindle that bond between them, and he kept pushing it away. And now that was gone.
He supposed he should be happy that she was even bothering to try again with him. To start over from zero as he wanted. Just the idea that she was willing to start something new was a miracle, and showed just how patient and kind the girl was.
But he was greedy. One thing he supposed he’d have to learn to overcome in the future. He wanted their old friendship, that old trust again. He didn’t deserve it. He wouldn’t delude himself into thinking that for a second. That didn’t help with the longing however.
He decided he had enough of sitting around and brooding, even if it was nearly midnight and he should be asleep. He got up dressed himself.
He really shouldn’t be going out so late. Sure he did this all the time back when he was champion, but even then it had been against the rules to be out in the terrarium at night. He just didn’t care back then.
He didn’t really care about breaking the rules now either, but that didn’t stop the guilt.
At least he wouldn’t be working himself and his Pokemon half to death this time.
The terrarium was beautiful at night. It didn’t hold a candle to Kitakami’s natural beauty but it did have its own charm. Much better than Unova that was for sure. He didn’t know how anyone tolerated the mainland.
He let out a long sigh while gazing up at the fake lighting, simulating moonlight. He used to find comfort staring up at the moon from the ogre's cave back in Kitakami, and while this wasn’t the same, it did soothe him a little bit.
The coastal biome was always his favorite of the four. The Savannah was largely flat and unappealing, the canyon biome was rocky and jagged. And no sane person would ever choose the polar biome as a good place to spend their time. He found the coastal biome perfect for his needs. It was far and away the most relaxing of his options.
It was easier to clear his head out here. To stop thinking about things so negatively. He sat on a cliffside, watching as a few fish Pokemon swam by. He couldn’t even recall the last time he just sat down and took a moment to relax like this.
His peaceful silence was interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching from behind. He turned quickly, expecting some sort of curious Pokemon, but was surprised to spot Juliana approaching.
“Juliana?” He asked, half convinced his mind was playing tricks on him. He didn’t think he was that sleep deprived.
Juliana responded with a wave and a gentle smile, sending his heart rate up rapidly. No matter how many times she looked at him with that simple joyful expression it still flustered him every time. He felt like an idiot for ever thinking so little of her.
Juliana took a seat next to him, gazing out into the water. She shot him a worried look.
“I-I’m fine.” He understood her apprehension. He’d be keeping an eye out on himself if he was in her shoes. “I just couldn’t sleep, that’s all.”
The brown haired girl seemed to accept that as a suitable answer and settled in comfortably.
While Juliana seemingly settled in, Kieran was immediately on edge. He was trying to escape his dark thoughts, not be right besides the person who inadvertently caused them.
Well he couldn’t blame Juliana for this, it was far from her fault that he was feeling guilty for being a massive jerk.
“You know, you don’t have to stay right? I’m sure your tired and I’m fine out here. I’ll head in soon.”
Juliana shook her head. She made a gesture at him and indicated she would be staying right where she was for the time being. Kieran sighed.
“I’m fine, really. I just like the terrarium at night.” He tried to put on his best smile, but it was not fooling her.
The Paldean champion moved closer to him. A question was etched on her face, though he couldn’t quite decipher it.
“It really is fine, promise!” He tried to reassure her, though it didn’t seem to get through to her. She kept staring him down with that look.
“I just… I’ve been caught up in my own head tonight that’s all.” That was evidently not the right thing to say, as Juliana’s face contorted in concern. “Nothing serious! It’s just… you know…”
Juliana evidently didn’t know, as her confused stare persisted. Kieran blushed.
“Sometimes it’s just rough, knowing I screwed up real bad and have a lot of making up to do. I just have a lot of regret that’s all.”
Juliana was evidently not happy about that response, taking his hand in hers and vehemently shaking her head. Kieran fought the urge to pull away.
“I just feel so stupid. I was being a massive angry jerk to everyone, and now I’m looking back and the shame is overwhelming. And I was just so cruel to you especially, when all you were doing was trying to be friends, a-and I don’t deserve your kindness-”
He quit his rambling when Juliana unexpectedly reached up and wiped something off his face. He was confused before he realized it was tears. He somehow hadn’t noticed he had begun crying.
“I-I’m sorry.” He sniffled out, wiping at his face. He was mortified that this was somehow the second time in a week he broke down in tears in front of Juliana. He must look like such a crybaby. “I just feel so awful about that nasty stuff I said, a-and I know I messed up way too bad with you.”
Juliana cupped his face again, but he pulled his head out of the hold, despite how much he wanted to sink into it. “I-I was way too nasty and cruel to you, all you wanted was to be friends again and I let one s-stupid mistake mess all of that up. I-I don’t know how you could so easily forgive me for-”
“Kieran stop.” A voice he hadn’t heard in a while suddenly piped up. It took him a moment to realize it was Juliana’s. He looked her in the eyes, where tears were welling up, not expecting to hear her voice again for quite a while.
“Juliana-” he was stopped once again by the girl herself.
“Please Kieran stop beating yourself up over that.” She pleaded with him. “I know you feel bad about it, but I forgive you.”
He bristled. “But why? I haven’t done anything to earn your forgiveness!”
“Yes you have! You helped me down in area zero! You’ve spent all week making things up to everyone! You clearly regret being a jerk and that’s enough for me! Kieran I know you feel bad, and I know I can’t just get rid of your guilt just by asking you to let go of it, but I don’t want you hurting yourself inside because you feel bad. I promise I forgive you, you were angry and not thinking straight.” She shot back.
“But Juliana, I don’t get how you can just forgive me for being such a jerk! I-I don’t deserve it!” Kieran argued, but Juliana wasn’t having it.
“Because your my friend.” She answered simply. Then a slightly blush colored her face. “Well, there’s also…”
In lieu of finishing her sentence, Juliana hesitantly moved even closer to him, till their legs were side by side. Kieran flushed and opened his mouth to ask what she was doing, but then she leaned forward and captured his lips in a kiss.
Kieran sat there dumbfounded, not quite reciprocating but finding himself very much enjoying it. He didn’t expect Juliana to forgive him, much less have feelings for him.
Juliana pulled away after a moment. “S-sorry, I don’t know if now was the best time…”
“W-Wowzers.” His brain intelligently supplied. Juliana giggled.
“Haha! I forgot how cute you can be!” She teased, turning Kieran’s blush into a raging red blotch covering his whole face.
“I-I’m not cute!” He argued, which only made Juliana laugh harder.
He huffed, unable to keep the smile off his face. Maybe things would end up alright after all.