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The early afternoon air of 1938 is thick and humid with the aroma of the rose bushes that line the spacious garden. You sit at the garden table on the patioˏ leaning back in the chairˏ surrounded by your children. Bar the eldest twoˏ Minna and Karolineˏ who are back inside the villaˏ practicing on the piano in the music room. The sound of their practice is muffled through the tall walls of the villaˏ but some hushed notes float into the garden through the open kitchen windows.
The other children are all playing together on the grassˏ chasing each other around in circles and pushing one another on the tree swing in turnsˏ their blond hair shining like gold in the warm sun. However the youngest of the bunchˏ little Annabelle at just one and a halfˏ is perched upon your knee. One of her chubby hands fists at the soft material of your dress skirt as she leans over the tableˏ munching away on a small buttered bread roll. Your face lights up with a light laugh when she turns her head back to look up at you. Breadcrumbs are stuck all around her mouth.
“Ohˏ Annaˏ my little love…” You cooˏ bringing a smooth hand to her mouth and brushing the crumbs awayˏ laughing to yourself once more when she follows your gentle hand movement with her curious gazeˏ causing her wide eyes to cross slightly inwards.
Both of you turn your head towards the open back door when you hear the familiar sound of a Mercedes care wheels crunching on gravel coming from the front of the villa. Anna makes an inquisitive noiseˏ her eyes flickering between you and the back door.
Heiderˏ seven years old and a carbon copy of his fatherˏ takes a break from chasing his siblings and runs up to you at the table. “Is that papa? Alreadyˏ mama?” His voice is heavingˏ winded from his running around on the lush grass. You bring a hand to his faceˏ brushing some strands of his neatly cut hair back from his damp forehead. “I suppose it must beˏ my love.” Your voice is softˏ gentle with a knowing tone. He beamsˏ a wide smile breaking out on his face.
The children are so used to him not coming home as of lateˏ at least not until after they have all been put to sleep. They have grown somewhat used to just waking up and seeing him in the morning at breakfast before he has to leave for the office. It is not as if Reinhard likes itˏ in fact it is quite the opposite. He has always made time for youˏ for the children. But nowˏ things are becoming more demanding than ever.
Heider leans down to kiss Annabelle on the cheek before he runs back to the grass from the patioˏ rejoining his siblings with a bright smile on his face.
You hear the faint echo of the front door opening and closing. You begin to bounce Annabelle on your knee whilst cooing to herˏ stroking her soft hair and watching how she watches the open space of the back door with anticipation. The occasional quiet babble leaves her mouthˏ her fingers wrapping around your own that stroke her arm. You can feel her growing impatient. “Wait just a secondˏ my love.” You chuckleˏ moving your hand to stroke her back through her little cotton dress. “Just one second…” You know that if it were not for you holding herˏ Annabelle would have been crawling her way across the patio and towards the front door by nowˏ pulling herself up on furniture along the way. She cannot quite walk just yetˏ but she is getting there.
You furrow your brows as you lean back in the chairˏ craning your neck to look into the villa through the door. You cannot see Reinhard. You let out a soft sigh and lean forward againˏ picking up the chunk of half eaten bread that Annabella has abandoned on her small plate that rests beside your glass of wine. You go to offer it to herˏ making a plane sound as you bring it towards her mouthˏ but she pushes your hand away and moves her head away with a rather grumpy huff and a lowˏ unimpressed babble. She is not interested in the snack anymoreˏ her focus is entirely on waiting to see who comes out of the houseˏ to see if it is who she assumes it to be. “Okay then-” Your sentence is cut off by an excitedˏ high pitched squeak as you place the bread back down.
Reinhard is walking out of the houseˏ at last. His strong hands are in the midst of peeling off his heavyˏ decorated tunic as he steps out of the doorˏ his expensive shoes thudding against the patio. A smallˏ but warmˏ smile appears on his face when he sees you and Annabelle seated at the garden table. “Halloˏ meine schätze.” The usual high pitch of his voice is lowerˏ softer and riddled with an audible tiredness that the children never hear. They are too youngˏ too innocent and too protected to see the grim exhaustion that becomes more and more apparent on his face as time continuesˏ to hear it in his voiceˏ but you can see it.
Your eyes soften as you watch him walk towards you and Annabelleˏ taking in the way his tall frame is slightly hunched from the hours spent at his deskˏ the way his eyes are dark and dimmer from the hours he has spent awake and neglected sleep for the sake of dutiesˏ for the sake of keeping you and the children guarded. He looks older than he isˏ more worn down than everˏ but he always does his best to hide it from the children and even attempts to hide it from you. It never worksˏ of course.
“Welcome homeˏ my love. You finished all of the… paperwork?” Your voice becomes quieter towards the endˏ he does not like discussing his work at homeˏ not around the children. Reinhard stops just behind you in your chairˏ his height shading you from the sun. He brings a hand to your hairˏ brushing his slender fingers through the soft strandsˏ looking deep into your eyes when you tilt your head back into his palm and look up at him. “Yesˏ für heute… Aber darüber möchte ich nicht redenˏ not here.” He sighsˏ a tired sound that meets his eyes. He leans down and presses a quick kiss to your forehead before removing his hand from your hair and moving to the garden chair beside you.
Reinhard drapes his tunic over the back of the chair before sitting downˏ an uncommon action that breaks his usually meticulous routine of taking it off and hanging it up with precise care. His gaze moves to the toddler on your kneeˏ who has been staring at him ever since he walked out onto the patio. His pale face brightens and softensˏ looking years younger in seconds. “Und hallo auch dirˏ mein kleiner schatz.” Annabelle squeals and outstretches her arms towards him. He chucklesˏ a quiet sound despite the height in pitch. His hands come around her armpits and hoist her from your kneeˏ taking her into his own lapˏ looking down at her as she takes ahold of his tie. “You are getting heavy.” He observesˏ spotting the bread on the table. “Mama is feeding you too much.” His voice dips into a whisper but remains just loud enough for you to hear. He chuckles once more when you scoffˏ the smile on your face contradicting your attempt at being serious. “You are the one who bought her more bread rollsˏ Reinhard! After i told you not to for at least a week! And you know how she gets with them.” He leans back in his chair with a smile. The weight on his back lessening more and moreˏ the facade he takes up outside of the villa crumbling into dust. “Du hast mich daˏ meine liebe.”
You watch Reinhard as he leans his head back against the chairˏ shielding his eyes from the sun with a cupped hand whilst holding Annabelle secure on his lap with the other. He strokes her back as she fiddles with his tie and the buttons of his white shirt. You take a small sip of your wineˏ drinking in the sight of them over the expensive glass rim. “What were you doing in the house? I could not see you.” The corner of his lips twitch up but he does not move. “I was in the music room with Minna and Karoline. They are getting betterˏ both of them.” The pride of a father is riddling his voiceˏ the pure adoration and love he has for the children flourishing inside of him like plush petals blooming on a thorn ridden rose.
His hand moves from the position of covering his eyesˏ bringing it to cover the top of your own when you place the wine back down on the table. “You look beautifulˏ meine liebe.” He squeezes your handˏ rubbing the calloused pad of his thumb across your knuckles. “Du strahlst in der sonne.” Your eyes are locked in a love struck gaze as he brings your hand up to his mouthˏ pressing a light kiss to the centre of your palm.
The moment is interrupted by a loud babble from Annabelleˏ who follows it up by blowing a raspberry that makes Reinhard drop your hand. Both of you laughˏ shifting your attention to her as she brings her chubby fingers up to pat at his mouth. He mock bites her fingersˏ his eyes glimmering at the sight of her wide smile and the sound of her squeals.
“Papa!” Reinhard looks over as Heider runs over againˏ stopping beside his chair. “Du bist zu hause! Can we go fencing later?” The words spill from his mouthˏ excitement overrunning him. Reinhard has a gentle look on his face as he looks at his son who just looks like the younger version of himself. He pats his shoulder with his free handˏ still holding Annabelle on his lap with the other. “Perhaps later in the afternoon. If notˏ in the weekend.” Heider nodsˏ a bright smile forming on his face. “Okay. Dankeˏ papa!” He runs back to the grass. The rest of the children have taken a break from their playing to wave over you and Reinhard. All of them shout out a series of “Hiˏ papa!” before getting right back into their play.
Reinhard stands up from the seatˏ adjusting his hold on Annabelle and moving her to his hip as he goes. He stretches his back. “Where are you off to?” You askˏ a gentle question. He looks down at youˏ gently bouncing Annabella on his hip for a few seconds. “Just to the grassˏ meine liebe.” You lean your cheek on your palm as you watch him goˏ watching as he walks towards the grass and kneeling down onto it. The thought of grass stains or creases in his uniform trousers are pushed to the far back of his mind.
He shifts Annabelle in his armsˏ moving her so that she is standing on her own two feet right in front of him. His strong hands balance her from beneath her armpits. “Comeˏ mein kleiner schatz.” He whispersˏ urging her to come towards him with gentle nods of his head. Annabelle takes four wobbling steps before crumbling into his armsˏ his hands taking ahold of her immediately. “Ja! That is itˏ mein kleiner schatz. You have it…” He stands her up againˏ chuckling when she huffsˏ as though she is already bored and would much rather be transported around by him. This timeˏ he sets her a bit further away from him than the first time. His hands still hover right beneath her armpitsˏ waiting to grab her and take her into the safety his arms if she begins to fall.
Your face transforms into a slight grimace as you watch them from the table. “Make sure you keep your hands under herˏ Reinhard! Watch her feet!” He chuckles before giving a nod. “Ich binˏ meine liebe. Do not fret…” His eyes remain on Annabelle as he says itˏ his gaze flicks between her chubby legs and the blank expression on her face. “Comeˏ Annabelle. Come to papaˏ show mama.”
She starts to moveˏ taking steps towards him. Her steps are steadier this timeˏ more confident. He encourages her the whole timeˏ smiling at herˏ his gaze glistening in the sun with unshed tears as he witnesses his youngest go through a growing process right in front of his eyes. Ten steps are takenˏ both big and smallˏ before she reaches him and climbs down nto his lap. It is the most amount of steps that she has ever takenˏ at least so far. Both of you erupt with excitementˏ with pride and love.
Reinhard wraps his arms around herˏ peppering kisses across her warm face with a watery laugh as she babbles away. “Gut gemachtˏ mein schatz.” His voice is shakyˏ overwhelmed with the kind of emotions that only a parent can feel. You move from your place at the tableˏ walking over and kneeling opposite him on the grass with a teary smile of your own. You bring a hand to stroke her hair as he moves back from her faceˏ reaching out to grab your hand. He pulls you in closer to themˏ coiling one of his arms around your shoulders as the other holds onto Annabelleˏ and kisses the side of your head. “Did you see herˏ meine liebe? She is getting itˏ and so quickly.” His high voice is thick with emotion and you can see the clear sheet over his eyesˏ wavering but not falling. “I sawˏ my love. She was so wonderful.” You smile down at her and kiss her noseˏ the nose she got from her father. “And you…” You bring your hand to his faceˏ stroking his sharp cheek and trailing it up to his blonde hairˏ threading your fingers through it. “You were perfect with her. You are perfect with all of them.” You press your forehead against his ownˏ your gazes locking.
Both of you lean inˏ your lips meeting in a deep kissˏ his nose nudging against your own. He tilts his head and cradles the back of your headˏ going to deepen the kiss furtherˏ but you pull back. You raise your eyebrowˏ pointing down at little Annabelle who is still on his lap. She chewing on the end of his loosened tie and staring up at the two of you. “Our child is right thereˏ Reinhard.” He gives a rare smirkˏ cupping his palm over her eyes. A surprised coo leaves her mouth at the sudden darkness. “Reinhard!” You grab his hand and pull it away from her eyesˏ both of you laughing at the sound she made and the sweet expression on her face.
Reinhard sighsˏ a content and comfortable sound. He tightens an arm around your shoulder. You lean further against himˏ resting your head against his tall shoulder. Annabelle begins to pluck at a lone daisy in the grass beside her fathers knee. The older children continue to play around you and the grass beneath you and Reinhard continues to stain his trousers. It will be a small hassle later onˏ but the cause of the stain will be something engraved into his mind until his final second.