Chapter Text
Kageyama Tobio doesn't break up with Hinata Shouyou because he doesn't love him. In fact, he breaks up with him because he loves him, unlike he's ever loved anyone else before. And it's because he loves him, he refuses to be the reason that Hinata, someone who was destined to soar, is chained down.
Sitting across Kageyama on the worn out floor of the Karasuno High School gym is Hinata. Hinata who has his fingers wrapped tightly around his wrist, his calloused palm covering the mark. His soulmark. A mark that does not show on Kageyama's pale skin. Even with Hinata's palm hiding the mark from view, Kageyama has the mark engraved in his mind. How could he not, after spending countless nights since Hinata's birthday in June, tracing the mark with his fingers, hoping that when his birthday came in December, that the very mark would appear on his skin? But it didn't.
Hinata stares down at the wooden floor boards, his face a picture of anguish and despair, sadder and darker than Kageyama has seen in the past three years. "I-I don't know what to do, Tobio," Hinata's voice wavers, uncertainty and vulnerability lacing his voice. "I-"
"I know," Kageyama replies.
His voice is steadier than he thought it would be. And that surprises him. Why? Why is he okay with letting go?
It's clear by the look that Hinata gives him, the question must've passed through his mind. Hinata looks at Kageyama as if he gave him the wrong answer. He looks at Kageyama as if he's supposed to fight and argue, that there was a way that they could make it work.
But he doesn't.
Kageyama doesn't argue because he knows that soulmates are important. That soulmates are inevitable — that people had killed and died for the bond. It is not something you can fight and win.
"I-I don't want to hurt you," Hinata whispers to the empty gym.
Kageyama nods, his fingers touching the wooden floor of the gym. The gym was where they'd first became friends, where they became something more, where they shaped themselves, even if they didn't know it then. It'd been the essence of the moments that'd shaped Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shouyou. It was about to witness another moment that'd shape the duo.
"You won't."
The two words seem to break something in Hinata. His eyes dull, knowing that Kageyama had given up on the fight, that Kageyama wouldn't fight to stay with him.
"Tobio, I-"
"Hinata, I was your best friend first," Kageyama says quietly. "I don't want to chain you down. I won't make you choose. I don't want to do that."
Something in Hinata breaks at Kageyama's use of his last name, something he hadn't done since their first year.
"That's not what you're doing!" Hinata's eyes burn with emotion and unshed tears. "We-we can wait! Maybe your mark is just late! That happens, right? Right?!"
Maybe. But having a late mark was rare. Kageyama knows this. He knows this like how he knows the exact timing and angle needed for his sets. He knows this like he knows when he won't be able to save a ball. And he fears it. He's feared this since he turned eighteen, spending an hour checking every inch of his skin for a soulmark, only for the search to have been in vain. He's been running from the truth, kept Hinata longer than he should have. And now, he's reached the dead end. There's nowhere else for him to run, nowhere else to hide.
He thinks of his sister, how distant they've become since he was ten. He thinks of his grandfather, who had whispered the name of someone who had left him long ago to be with someone else, on his deathbed. He thinks of his parents, both unmarked, who he's not seen since he was eight. He thinks of how even family can drift and fade until they are little more than shared blood and unread messages. He thinks of how happiness always seemed to gather around others like moths to a flame, but to Kageyama Tobio, happiness always seemed to pass him like a ball he was never meant to receive — brushing his fingertips, but never making contact.
Some people were like anchors, offering a safe harbour. Some people were like the dawn, lighting up the world after moments of darkness.
While others are like sakura-holding on as long as they can, but always letting go in the end.
Looking into Hinata's eyes, Kageyama says, "You shouldn't have to suffer through choosing. I don't want you to look at me one day, and wonder if you missed out on the other half of your soul because I'm somewhere I shouldn't be. I don't want to chain you. You deserve to soar."
It shouldn't have been like this.
Tears run down Hinata's face as he shakes his head. "No! I-I want you! You matter! I-I don't care about them! I don't even know them. You matter to me, Tobio!"
Silence. And then, "I know."
Kageyama knows. He knows that Hinata cares — cares enough to give up his soulmate for him. Which is exactly why he can't let him.
Kageyama stands first. Like always, Kageyama is moving first, like how he moves first on the court, like how he tries to absorb the impact before it can hit someone else.
"I want you to be incomprehensibly happy." He says. "The kind of happy you can't explain. The kind of happy you don't have to justify. The kind of happy that was made for you."
Hinata reaches for Kageyama, their fingers brushing. "And you? Will you be okay?"
Thinking of his house, how he leaves the lights on so it seems less empty, the unanswered text messages, sent months ago with no reply and the quiet that Kageyama has learnt to embrace, yet still suffocates him, he lies.
"Yes."
Because this, the action of leaving, is still love.
And Kageyama has found that sometimes love doesn't mean staying.
Sometimes, love is stepping back into the shadows, so that the person you love can stand in the light. Hinata was made for the light, while Kageyama was made for the shadows. And that's okay. As long as Hinata is happy, then it's alright. Hinata gave Kageyama everything he's ever wanted — a partner, a rival, and a reason to stay. Hinata Shouyou loved Kageyama Tobio when no one else dared. Hinata found him — and stayed — where no one else had before. And to return the favour, Kageyama steps aside — so that Hinata has a chance to be happy without guilt or regret.
Kageyama gives Hinata one last smile before he steps out of the gym, closing the door, giving Hinata time to grieve the end of their relationship. Kageyama knows that they won't be able to go back to what they were like before — not with a wall of history between them.
Kageyama places his palm on the door, whispering "I'll miss you, Shouyou."
Before Kageyama turns, he hears quiet sobs and the whispered, "Don't leave me, Tobio. Please."
His hand lingers on the door a second too long, his fingers curling into a fist. But he leaves nonetheless.