Chapter Text

Chapter 1

During a mostly routine dungeon raid, Aqua and I had found ourselves separated from Megumin and Darkness. A stupid mistake, I know. But it was not my fault!

Nevertheless, the two of us got locked inside a smaller boss-battle chamber, and the only way out was blocked by an electric-type monster looking like an odd overgrown rat. Truly original.

“Picha! Picha!”

“Leave this one to me, Kazuma,” said the useless goddess proudly and took up an offensive stance before shouting: “Create Water!”

In a split second, the entire chamber had been flooded with pure water. I didn’t even have time to react, all I could do was stare at Aqua. The entire world slowed down as I could hear “Ave Maria” begin playing in the background.

“Piiichaaa… kuuu!”

I would love to say it was all over in an instant, but the agony lasted for several long seconds.

If only I could have-

ↂ↭ↂ

Huh?

I no longer felt any pain. Somehow, I was no longer inside the dungeon either. I had been teleported outside on some hill overlooking a forest, only a metre away from the cliff. From the looks of it, it was about midnight.

Have we been inside for so- My thoughts had been cut short by an ear-piercing noise.

“Gorb?”

“GRARARARARARA! GRARARARA!”

Instinctively, I turned around and saw an entrance to a cave. It must have been a nest for those nasty creatures.

Goblins? We hadn’t encountered them inside the dungeon. Still, I unsheathed my sword and readied myself for battle.

In less than the blink of an eye, a rock flew out of the darkness of the cave aiming to hit me square in the forehead. Fortunately, I easily avoided it by stepping sideways.

Unfortunately, I didn’t avoid the stone lying on the ground and lost my balance, causing me to fall face first onto the rocks down below the cliff. It didn’t hurt.

ↂ↭ↂ

Have I been cursed? I thought as I found myself in the middle of a battlefield now, right in between two opposing sides - some armoured thugs and the entire village of white-furred wolf kemonomimi people.

I was too shocked to do anything for the first few seconds, all I could do was helplessly stand there and watch as the two opposing sides rushed towards me, disregarding the fact I was no enemy to either of them.

Still, I had to defend myself, and the wolf people were closer, so I faced them with my sword and awaited the first attack. It was an arrow missing my crotch by only a couple of centimetres and landing behind me.

The next attack, however, I didn’t even see.

Needless to say, finding myself in such a situation was a sure way to die. And although I hadn’t seen who or how killed me, luckily enough, it was instantaneous.

ↂ↭ↂ

When is this going to end?

I was in yet another place, though not outside anymore. It appeared to be a bedroom and there were some other people present. Thankfully, these ones weren’t trying to kill me. On the contrary. They seemed very happy.

A light-brown-haired man aged around twenty looked off to the side and said something in a language I didn’t understand. It didn’t sound like any European language or anything from the Parallel World, so what was going on?

Then, I could see a red-haired woman with glasses in the background. Right as the man picked me up and handed me to a different woman, a blonde one.

Wait. He picked me up?! Are they giants?

As things would have it, no. They weren’t giants. I was simply born a baby. The only giant things in the room were my new mother’s breasts. Itadakimasu.

ↂ↭ↂ

A couple of years went by. A couple of years of feeling lost over not knowing how to get back to Megumin and the others. A couple of years of no sign of Eris, of learning the local language and how to read it, and of coming to terms with my new supposed identity - Rudeus Greyrat, the son of Paul and Zenith.

Not only were my name and surroundings new and unfamiliar, the same went for my appearance. I no longer was the handsome Japanese teenage boy, I was a European-looking toddler with light-coloured hair. What was worse, I couldn’t use any spells for some reason.

But I’m not going to keep you waiting for too long. About three years after my second birth, I learned how to read the local language, and eventually I discovered my new parents’ magic textbook thanks to which I recovered my previous magical abilities. The issue lay in mana flowing differently in this new world.

Steal, Drain Touch, Unlock, Bind, Lurk, and whatnot, welcome back.

The question was, what was I going to learn from this book? Many of the spells described inside I already knew, by the virtue of my previous reincarnation.

Magical circles seemed interesting, but they weren’t really explained in the book. The next thing on my agenda was studying spells from the Healing school. Unfortunately, the spells written inside didn’t go high in the ranks as defined by the book, but what I learned was enough to heal at least minor cuts which was the most I was willing to do to myself for academic purposes.

And not only healing, but Detoxification seemed like a helpful spell to know as well. Or at least I hoped so, as it wasn’t really easy to test if I had actually decontaminated something. It was no Purification after all.

After that, I pondered the orbs - I got an itch in between my legs - and wondered what else I should learn. There wasn’t much to choose from, but turning the page over to the water magic page, I made my decision.

My eyes landed on a single word. Waterball. I only knew Create Water, and that spell isn’t really handy when it comes to filling a cup with water. That’s why I chose to learn Waterball, as I could change the size of it to my liking, and wouldn’t be left with a piss-weak stream when dangerously dehydrated in some desert or something.

I suppose water magic is a bit useful… Don’t tell Aqua.

A year or so later, my new parents paid for a magic tutor for me after they had discovered me during one of my private research sessions.

ↂ↭ↂ

As things would have it, skipping the entire incantations and only saying the spell names out loud while casting is more uncommon than I had thought. Moreover, a little kid of my calibre was even rarer, and neither my parents nor my tutor knew about most of my other spells. For now at least.

Speaking of my tutor, it turned out to be a she. A little girl. Alas, I wasn’t a teenager, so not an imōto which was a shame. But take what’s offered, right? I wasn’t going to complain, however, as she was nevertheless cute. Her name was Roxy and we immediately hit it off.

“So when will you teach me something flashy, little girl?” I asked during our first lesson.

“I’m more than ten times your age, Rudeus,” she sighed.

“But I’m three. You know that, right? You don’t look over thirty at all. You look about thirteen.”

Roxy began massaging the sides of her head. Good to see I was the one giving someone a headache for once. “My tribe simply looks younger than most, that’s all. I’m thirty-seven.”

Ooh, a tribe full of water Megumins? I’m not sure if it sounds like hell or paradise. “You won’t happen to have a barcode on your butt cheek, will you?”

My question was met with a non-verbal stare lasting a few seconds. Afterwards, she returned to my initial question. “If you want to see something flashy, show me what you know first.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. As your teacher, I ought to know where to begin teaching you. If at all.”

“Okay, then.” A grin appeared on my face. “Bind!”

“Huh?!” Roxy fell face first on the soft grass and yelped.

I continued only after I saw that she had raised her head to look my way. Her expression was a mixture between surprise and anger. Maybe a tiny bit of embarrassment as well.

“Now watch,” I said proudly. “Tinder! Create Water! Create Earth! Wind Breath! Freeze! Fireball!” And so forth. First, I went through my arsenal from the Parallel World before starting with my arcane skills from this one. Though, somewhere in the middle, I noticed that Roxy was a bit absentminded, so I snuck in a devious “Steal!” which went unnoticed.

Only a few minutes later, she was poking the ground with a stick while mumbling something under her nose. All I could pick out was “useless” and “I won’t be able to keep this job for long.”

I must have overdone it. Maybe a bit.

“I’m sure you’re way better than I am, madam,” I reassured her first. Then I teased her: “Or do you want to lose your job?”

The next thing I knew, she showed me a water version of Explosion - Cumulonimbus which created a powerful localised storm with strong winds. It quickly became my favourite spell from this world.

ↂ↭ↂ

“I don’t get it…” Roxy let out under her breath after I casted Cumulonimbus without even saying the incantation out loud.

Did I have to be that much of a show-off? Not really, but I was kind of hoping that she would teach me something flashier. Little did I know, this was the strongest spell she knew.

Still, the storm I had conjured up wasn’t as strong as Roxy’s, so I could at least persuade her so that we would go on almost-daily ventures to hone my Cumulonimbus.

And on one of these days, I was feeling a bit nostalgic, reminiscing about the times I used to go with Megumin every day to cast Explosion. Maybe that was the reason why I got the idea of sneaking in a little devious Drain Touch to make sure Roxy would flop on the ground just like my favourite little Crimson Demon.

There was one problem, however. My new body was nowhere near the size I had been, so I wouldn’t have been able to do so. Moreover, we had a horse whose job was to, you know, do whatever it is that domesticated horses do.

This meant I abandoned the initial plan and decided to reverse it. Pretending to go overboard and having my knees buckle from underneath me after casting Cumulonimbus twice in a row, I fell face first into the soft grass.

“Ma’am Roxy?”

“Are you all right, Rudy?” she asked as she jogged up to me.

“I may need you to carry me to Caravaggio.” My voice was muffled a bit by the ground. “I can’t move.”

Roxy sighed. “Fine, up you go,” she said as she picked me up, putting me on her back in the name of gender equality, and then added: “You shouldn’t have overdone it. At least you’ve learned that even you have limits.”

“I’ll make sure to remember them,” I replied, thinking about copping a feel of her chest, but deciding against it. I was supposed to be limp from exerting all of my strength, remember? Being pressed up against and smelling this lolibaba for the dozen or so metres it took us to get to Caravaggio had to suffice.

Only a few months during which we focused on magical theory later, Roxy left, feeling as if she had nothing more to teach me. She did gift me a wand, which I grew to treasure, same as the time spent with her.

Having been parted from another good friend, I swore to myself I’d find a way to get back to Parallel World.

But how?

In the meantime however, I still had to grow up, and so I decided to make sure the time went by faster by trying to make friends at the village. Fortunately, a certain opportunity had fallen into my lap not long after.

ↂ↭ↂ

On one sunny day with clouds in the sky as I was walking through the village and its surroundings - probably the first time I was doing a proper exploratory walk-through - I overheard a yelp of upset followed by the signature laughter of bullies. Don’t ask me how I know those sounds.

Needless to say, my imōto alarm started blaring, because the first voice sounded girly enough. Which wasn’t that surprising, as young boys’ voices are high-pitched, but I still had to investigate.

Climbing upon a little hill to be able to witness the scene, I saw a group of three boys - about two or three years older than I currently was and very likely to grow into ugly village drunks - throwing mudballs at a much smaller kid covering self with a hood.

They hadn’t noticed me yet, so I cracked my knuckles as I smirked. Reaching forwards with my right hand and, without thinking, I casted my favourite spell - Steal. Which would have made more sense if the bullies were girls, but I was hoping to get some coin or to have the troglodytes lose their pants and get embarrassed. I certainly wasn’t expecting to be holding three dirty pieces of underwear in my hand a second later. I dropped them and tried to shake off the disgusting feeling from my fingers. Then they noticed me.

“Oi! Whatchu standin’ there for like a twat?” one of the boys yelled out.

I posed myself into a cool-guy-slash-superhero stance, putting my clean hand to my forehead. With a smirk I said: “My, my. Do you kiss your mother that mouth, you ne’er-do-well?”

“Kissin’ girls is gay! I only kiss my dad! Howzat?”

“Howzat!” his goons echoed.

Huh? I couldn’t keep up the act anymore and dropped it as soon as I had put it on. It wasn’t like it had any effect on the bullies anyways. “Moving on,” I coughed to signal the end to that topic. “You do know that bullying is bad, right? Or has your dad not told you, because you were busy kissing?”

“I regret to inform you that you should not be concerned with my familial relations, my good sir!” the same boy said with a suddenly very different manner of speaking.

“Oh, please accept my humblest apologies,” I replied.

“I accept your apologies, sir. It is only natural to forgive your fellow man. Ain’t that right, lads?”

“Aye, it is!”

“All right,” I sighed, unsure if the group ten metres in front of me had bipolar disorders. In the meantime, the bullied kid was now peeking at us from beneath the hood, and I could see his or her soft features. Either way, it was time to truly put a stop to it. “Bullieswhodeservetogetmudintheirfacessaywhat.”

“What?” all three of the boys said at the same time. And just as they did, their faces had received a nice portion of brown colour with a “splat” sound to go along with it.

While they were blinded, I also threw some waterballs aimed at their crotches to make it seem like they had peed themselves, and then I ran and grabbed the bullied kid’s hand. I wasn’t going to fight the group anymore. It’s not that I was a coward, I had simply already won.

We ran for a good minute, until we were sure that we weren’t being followed. Feeling safe, we stopped on the other side of the village under a lone tree offering shade. There, we fell on our backs onto the soft grass. As we did so, the kid’s hood fell back and I finally saw her - yes, I’m going to spoil you, it turned out to be a girl - elf ears and green hair.

After a while of catching our breaths, she spoke up: “Thank you for saving me. I don’t know how to repay you…”

I waved away the concern with my hand. “You don’t owe me anything.”

“But you’re the village knight’s son. I have to-”

“Nope,” I cut her off and positioned myself onto my side so that we would look into each other’s eyes, since it felt appropriate considering the fact we were getting to know each other. “And ‘the village knight’s son’ is a mouthful. My name’s Kazuma, what’s yours?”

“‘Kazuma’? I thought it’s ‘Rudeus’,” she seemed confused.

Shit. Just as I thought, I can’t go by my real name in places people know the new me. I nodded, acting important. “That is true, but only the closest of friends get to call me ‘Kazuma’. ‘Scumzuma’ if we’re particularly close.” I added the last sentence with a quiet, reminiscing voice before switching it back to my normal one. “In any case, I would like to know your name.”

The girl gave one slow nod of understanding and opened her mouth to speak. “I’m Sylph-”

A gust of wind had interrupted her.

“Hm? I’m sorry, I didn’t get that. Could you repeat that?”

“Syl-”

Another gust of wind.

“I guess the wind’s picking up…” I grumbled. “One more time?”

“Sylvester,” is what I understood through the sounds of the changing weather.

“Damn wind,” I sighed and the girl understood it as her signal to repeat herself.

“Sylvia.”

Nope, that’s definitely not right. I felt at a loss, the previously lonely gust of wind had turned into a continuously blowing stream of air. Almost as if there was a storm brewing up.

She must have read from my face that I still hadn’t understood her, so she put her hand next to her mouth and leaned in to whisper into my ear. “Sylphiette.”

Finally. I smiled. “It’s a pleasure meeting you, Sylphiette.”

She reciprocated the gesture, though not without being unsure whether to call me ‘Kazuma’ or ‘Rudeus’.

“‘Kazuma’ is fine. But make sure no one else hears you call me that, I suppose.”

Sylphiette nodded.

“I have to say, I’m looking forward to our big-brother-little-sister dynamic.”

She didn’t seem like she got what I was saying at all. I didn’t blame her, it was a strange thing to say to someone you’ve just met.

“You know… Because I’m older.”

“Umm, my parents told me you were born a few weeks after me,” Sylphiette shyly said.

Is that something you normally tell your five-year-old? I thought at first, but then it hit me. “I-I see…” Eris! Why haven’t I been blessed with an imōto in this world either?

“Kazuma, are you all right?” she wanted to ask, but her question had been cut short by a sudden heavy downpour. I sprung up, my head clear of any little-sister-related musings, and grabbed Sylphiette’s hand.

“Let’s go! I live close-by!”

Possibly a bit red in her cheeks, she stood up, and we ran towards my new family’s house. There, both my new parents and our maid were surprised to see me bring a girl home.

Nevertheless, I had a basin filled with water awaiting me, so the two of us took a clothed sibling-esque bath, and I showed off by heating the water up. With magic, not farts. This led to her asking me to teach her magic to which I agreed.

She may have been older by a small margin, but I was going to treat her like an imōto either way.

An hour or so later, when the rain let up and the sun was shining once more, Lilia offered herself to take Sylphiette home. Only a few minutes afterwards, my new father took me aside with a stern look on his face. Apparently, the mother of one of the bullies came to complain about me, even showing her son’s black eye which I certainly hadn’t caused.

I tried arguing back for which I got slapped.

And silence fell upon us.

After a few long seconds, I gave him my reasons, and he - at least for the briefest of moments - looked as if he was aware that he had fucked up.

But I didn’t care. He even took me to apologise to the brat, and that was the moment I had internally declared war against Paul Greyrat.

ↂ↭ↂ

The very next day, I put my plan into motion as soon as I woke up. First things first, I had to procure the “evidence” to plant later. For this, Steal would come in more than handy.

My first source was Lilia, as she was the first one I had seen that day. And I didn’t even have to leave the room. She was in the garden in front of the house doing something on all fours while my new father did some morning exercises. I noticed him stop and lecherously steal glances at the maid’s skirt-wrapped bottom, so I thought now was the best time.

I casted Steal, and only a few seconds later Paul lightly slapped Lilia’s butt, seeming causing her cheeks to turn bright red. But it wasn’t his hand that made her blush, it was the fact that she noticed she wasn’t wearing any panties for some reason.

After briefly raising the surprisingly girly underwear above my head, feeling triumphant over my first little victory of the day, I hid the panties under the mattress next to Roxy’s ones which I had forgotten to discreetly return into her bag.

Next up was my dearest new mother. I mostly knew what sort of underwear I should expect from her, since I had been more conscious than any newborn should be and because I knew how happy she was to get naughty with Paul almost every night.

Though this line of thinking had led me to imagine some pretty extreme undergarments, I knew that my creativity should have been more realistic. This was the countryside, and lace underwear was a luxury even in the big cities.

Welp, there’s one way to find out, I told myself as I changed from my sleeping clothes - I’m not sure if they could even be called pyjamas - and went into the kitchen from where I could hear a melodic humming which undoubtedly belonged to the charming Zenith.

Strangely enough, she was only about a year younger than me when she gave birth to this new body of mine, so I felt no qualms with drinking her milk. Though, that’s a story for a different day. I don’t want this portion of my story to be filled with more perversion than it already is. Besides, this kink is an oldie, so I’m sure you can find more on it if you search well enough.

Anyways, she still hadn’t noticed me when I got to the door to the kitchen where she was preparing breakfast. I guessed this was the best time to strike and used steal on my unsuspecting teenage - but not anymore - mother.

The panties were white, rather casual, and still warm. Were I a bigger pervert, I would have had a mischievous grin on my face as I sniffed them then and there. Instead, I used the fact of still not having been noticed and snuck back to my room to hide the newly acquired treasure.

Afterwards, the day went on normally. Everyday stuff happened that isn’t worth describing for pages on end, I’m not some middle-aged NEET that’s active on 2chan. Writing about boring stuff isn’t my specialty.

About an hour before dinner, right after I’d walked Sylphiette home, I didn’t head straight home. My destination was the house Paul took me to the day prior. Casting Lurk on myself, I lurked around the Eto family residence and tried to find the bully’s, Somar’s, mother.

No dice unfortunately. I could only see his father. A few minutes later though, she came home, presumably from the market. This was my opportunity and I took it. Her panties might have been a bit sweaty, but holding them in my hand felt sweeter than holding Lilia’s or Zenith’s. This woman was my enemy in this Kazumo-Paulian War as well.

Moreover, if her husband were to use the opportunity of Somar still being outside and reached underneath her skirt only to feel she was commando… Well, it would certainly be interesting to see if he thought she had prepared herself for him, or if he believed she was cheating on him

No matter, however. I snuck away as soon as I could feel the soft cloth in my palm. Needless to say, I didn’t forget to dry them with magic before putting them next to the others.

The next day, I got my hands on a little box and hid it at the bottom of Paul’s chest under his many clothes he hadn’t touched for over a year. This way, I felt confident it wouldn’t have been him to find it.

ↂ↭ↂ

Months of waiting later, nothing happened. Well, that’s not really true. What I meant is that no one had found the lewd time bomb. What did happen however, was that Zenith announced her pregnancy.

Naturally, this joyous bit of news deserved to be celebrated, buuut…

Lilia was pregnant as well. And not-so-unexpectedly, this kid was Paul’s as well. And they called me ‘Scumzuma’.

It goes without saying that my new mother was heartbroken, angry, and ready to kick out the maid. Maybe even her husband, or at the very least leave him.

For some reason, I didn’t want any of that to happen. It was the middle of winter, and I didn’t wish for Lilia to make the journey pregnant trudging through snow. Nor did I want to move away with Zenith and leave behind Sylphie.

Yes, Paul deserved to be punished for his infidelity, but I didn’t want my new- our family to be torn apart. And so, I did something that might have even surprised Megumin, Darkness, and Aqua. I played the role of a naïve child, asking why everyone was so sad when I would be having two new siblings, even pleading Lilia’s case, and whatnot.

Somehow, I managed to salvage the situation. Lilia would stay with us for at least the winter and Paul would seemingly be punished behind closed doors. I couldn’t believe how easy it had turned out to be. Maybe that’s just how rural life was in the middle ages.

In any case, if your marriage is in the gutter, call me! My marriage counseling agency is open to new clients.

The next day, when it was just me and Paul at home, I snuck into his chest, retrieved the box of still aromatic treasures, and walked into the living room where he was currently working out. There was no point in waiting, nor could I risk Zenith or Lilia finding out about the discussion that was about to take place.

“Father?”

“Hm? Yes, Rudy?” He stopped and looked at me.

“Can I ask you to make sure our family doesn’t fall apart? No, I’m telling you to make sure it doesn’t.”

“Where has this come from?” Paul asked with his eyebrows raised.

“Moreover, you will trust me and not Miss Eto from now on. And that is not all, but I will come up with more conditions later.”

“What are you talking about? What conditions? And what are you holding?” He made a step closer towards me, unamused.

“This? It’s just something that could cause you problems if it were to find its way into your chest.” Again. “Don’t forget you owe me for that little service yesterday.”

Paul was silent, clearly eager to say something, but I didn’t wait for him to reply.

“And if you’re really interested in the contents of this box, let’s just say it’s something that would implicate you as a serial cheater, or worse - a huge pervert. Though, I don’t think people would mind the latter one.”

“So all I need to do is be a good dad and husband, Rudy?” he asked with a chuckle. “I’m not sure you know how to blackmail someone, but sure, I’ll play by your rules. Just make sure that box doesn’t get found by anyone, regardless of what’s in it,” Paul added and patted my head.

For some reason, it didn’t seem like I had won, but I was still happy with the result. Moreover, I could still pull some strings in the future if I ever wanted or needed something.

Nevertheless, there was no more room to push the matter, as both Zenith and Lilia came back home, and I had to go hide the box lest they see it and ask me to open it.

The Kazumo-Paulian War has seemingly reached an armistice.

ↂ↭ↂ

Life continued on peacefully, no drama what-so-ever from any side. Everyone was healthy and happy, which was important. I was getting better at swordfighting, Sylphie grew to be as great at magic as me, and I’ve even taught her some spells from the previous world. Naturally, I omitted knowing Steal.

Still, I was growing to like this world. And even in spite of that, I wanted to see my old friends. Besides, if I found a way to return, I would sure know how to get back here too. Right?

Notwithstanding, I had finally been blessed with a little sister. And two of them at that! Norn was a lovely but shy girl, and Aisha - my half-sister whom I loved as my own no matter what - was more playful and cheeky. She was also growing up to be a huge brocon, but I would make sure she wouldn’t see me like that. I wanted an imōto, not a sister-wife. I had learned my lesson.

Weeks went by, months went by, until eventually years did so, and I was turning ten. We had a grand celebration, relative to where we were, and I’d received some lovely gifts. But I cared more about spending the time with my family, it made me feel welcome.

However, a few days after my birthday, disaster struck.

My new mother had found the box while cleaning out my things. Truth be told, I was as shocked as her when she opened it and saw panties. I had completely forgotten about it.

“Rudy? Why do you have these?” she asked me with a scary look, gesturing with a little box filled with fabric on top of which lay Roxy’s underwear.

I repeatedly opened and closed my mouth, unsure how to answer. Instead, I went in and grabbed the box, but Zenith didn’t let go. Now that I think back, she didn’t really sound angry, it seemed more like teasing. Unfortunately for Paul, I was so lost as to what to do that I threw him under the bus.

“I-It was father! He asked me to hide them!”

“‘Them’? There’s more?” Zenith’s eyebrow rose as she smirked. “I wonder whose else I can find,” she sang curiously.

Did she even believe my hip-fire lie and wonder whom her husband had his eyes on? Or did she know it was my work and think she would find Sylphie’s or Lilia’s panties there?

Unfortunately, this scene wasn’t meant to play out naturally, as we were interrupted by a sudden “What’s that?”, and then all was white. Everything had grown silent and I was all alone.