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The most obnoxious alarm Shane had ever heard woke him from one of the best sleeps he had gotten lately. He was sprawled on his side with Ilya wrapped around him like a koala on a tree. The alarm continued to blare so Shane nudged Ilya first gently then a bit harder when all he did was tighten his grip on Shane with a murmur.
“Turn that off, Rozanov” he complained nudging him even harder with his elbow. Ilya let out a grumble before detaching himself from Shane and blindly patted around his nightstand for his phone. A moment later the alarm went silent and Shane let out a sigh of relief.
“You know you could change that to something less annoying?”
“It has to be annoying or I will ignore it” Ilya explained with a yawn.
“I’ll start ignoring something annoying as well if you don’t pick something less obnoxious” Shane grumbled.
Ilya gasped in mock offense. “You think I am annoying, Hollander?”
“Your as annoying as I am boring”
“Ah. So extremely annoying then” Shane rolled his eyes but smiled as Ilya leaned over to kiss him. The kiss deepened quickly, Shane’s heart rate rising as he ran his hands over Ilyas chest. He glanced towards the clock quickly and let out a sigh as he pulled away.
“Your going to be late if we keep going,”
“Stop ruining the moment” Ilya whined but only kissed him once more before he climbed out of bed and headed into the washroom. A second later Shane heard the shower start followed by a song beginning to play through Ilyas phone.
Shane only listened to music during a workout or while driving in the car but Ilya always had music playing around the house at any given opportunity. While he showered, while working out, while cleaning, while cooking, while he was lazing on the couch. One time he tried to have music playing while they watched a movie but Shane had put his foot down that time. He remembered trying to not laugh as Ilya tried to justify it by saying the music in the movie sucked so he had to improve the soundtrack.
Shane wanted nothing more than for a freshly showered Ilya to come crawling back into bed with him but that wouldn’t be happening today. Ilya had a morning practice and Shane only had a couple hours before he needed to be back in Montreal for his own practice that afternoon. The thought of making the drive back made him cringe as he had just driven down yesterday at lunch time but the time he got to spend with Ilya was worth it.
Their schedules were jam packed lately, if they didn’t take turns making the two hour journey back and forth between Ottawa and Montreal for what was usually less than 24, sometimes less than 12, hours together they wouldn’t see each other at all. They texted and FaceTimed as much as possible but it was never enough, it wasn’t the same as getting to sleep in the same bed as Ilya. A morning text was not the same as spending the morning together eating breakfast then ending up back in bed shortly after. They were putting the tripods they owned to good use over FaceTime but it wasn’t the same Ilya touching him.
There was a light at the end of the tunnel now though. The ring that hung next to the cross on Ilyas neck was a reminder of that. They just had to push through until the summer and then they would finally release their secret into the air, tell their friends, tell the world, and then they would get married.
He felt a smile break out onto his face at the thought of Ilya becoming his husband. Even though he still felt nervous when it came to the idea of finally telling everyone, his teammates most of all. Things were still stiff and uncomfortable with him since he told them he was gay, he figured the fact he was with Ilya was going to go over like a lead balloon.
He cracked a smile remembering the time he used that phrase in front of Ilya.
“What the fuck are you talking about? Lead balloon? Balloons float you would not use lead to make”
When Shane explained what the phrase meant Ilya just stared at him before tuning away muttering
“Stupid fucking language”
The shower turned off and shortly after Ilya came back into the room where he threw on whatever clothes his hands made contact with first in his dresser. Once dressed in a barely matching outfit he came around to Shane’s side of the bed and held out a hand. Shane let himself be pulled from the comfort of the blankets and they headed downstairs.
Once in the kitchen they fell into their routine of Ilya throwing together his duffle bag for practice while Shane made them both a coffee. He poured his into his favourite mug and Ilyas into a travel mug for him to take with him. If they had more time in the mornings they would sit and drink their coffees together with something to eat but they were both so tired last night Ilya set his alarm later than normal.
Shane had a smoothie ready in the fridge for himself but he knew Ilya would simply tell Shane he wasn’t hungry if he offered it to him to take with him instead. He had a very good suspicion that Ilya set his alarm as late as possible to spend as much time curled up with Shane as he could but made sure to leave himself just enough time to grab a breakfast sandwich from McDonald’s on his way to the arena.
He screwed the lid onto the travel mug and followed Ilya to the front door where he slid his boots on as it had snowed all evening.
He placed the travel mug on the nearby shelf and wrapped his arms around Ilya once he stood back up. Shane would be long gone by the time Ilya returned from practice.
“I miss you already, moya lyubov” Ilya whispered in his ear.
“I love you,” Shane replied pulling back to be able to see Ilyas face. “It’s only going to be for a week before I see you again this time”
Ilya gave him a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes and leaned down to rest his forehead against Shane’s.
“Still too long”
He sounded exhausted. Shane knew he was truly tired, they had stayed up way too late last night unable to get enough of each other. But he knew that wasn’t the only reason for the exhaustion in his voice.
Since Ottawa’s pride night a couple weeks back Shane knew that although Ilya was very happy that Barrett got to come out and had a received a great reception to the reveal of his new relationship with the teams social media manager, Harris, that Ilya couldn’t help but feel down about how much Troy’s reality differed from their current situation.
They had been together for years, they were engaged, but they still had to keep it hidden away.
The thought of coming out so much earlier than planned made Shane incredibly anxious but he knew he would be ready to be out by the summer, he was equally exhausted by the secret they kept, he wanted to be able to love Ilya in public.
Shane knew that Ilya had been ready to come out for a while now, if Shane gave the okay he would tell everyone that very minute. He knew Ilya understood his hesitation and even though he wanted to yell his love for Shane to everyone they encountered he would stick to the plan and wait for the summer.
For Shane.
He knew the distance and constant need to lie was wearing on them both but things had at least been better lately. Since their big fight at Christmas and Ilya’s near death experience Shane had been doing his best to make sure he showed and told Ilya how much he loved him. That he knew how much Ilya had sacrificed for him, for them.
“Ya tebya lyublyu” he whispered while he ran a hand through Ilya’s still wet hair. “I’ll call you once I’m back from practice later, we can FaceTime and cook dinner.”
“Yes I liked that last time”
Last time they had both made totally different meals, Shane measuring everything carefully while Ilya just seemed to throw whatever he found in the cupboards into the pan. The meals ended up being done at totally different times meaning that instead of eating them together Shane ate his while chatting with Ilya while he finished cooking his.
Shane of course stayed on the phone and watched while Ilya ate his once it was ready. The whole time he wished they actually were sitting at the same table together but it was better than eating alone in front of the television.
Ilya glanced down at his watch as though it would tell him it wasn’t actually time to go and sighed. He captured Shane’s lips with his own once more before he pulled away and grabbed his coffee.
“Text me when you get home, yes?”
“Of course. Have a good practice. I’ll see you Tuesday.”
“Tuesday.” Ilya reaffirmed with a smile before he headed out the door.
Once it shut behind him Shane made his way back to the kitchen for his coffee and smoothie. After he finished both and cleaned his dishes he headed back up to their room and grabbed a quick shower before getting dressed. There was no point in sticking around without Ilya here, he would make the drive back to Montreal now and then he could have at least an hour or two at his apartment to relax before heading to the arena.
He was at the front door with his bag, boots on and coat zippered as he turned off all the lights. The house was already too quiet without Ilya and his music playing, without the warm glow of the overhead lights it seemed cold.
Shane’s gaze travelled around, from where he stood in the front hall he could see into both the kitchen and living room. The house was tidy, they had straightened everything up before they locked themselves in the bedroom for the night but something was bugging Shane.
His eyes continued to take in all the furniture and belongings. He loved this house, could see puzzle boxes shoved on the bookshelf in the corner for when Shane’s dad came over. He could see the hand knitted blanket his mother had made Ilya as a house warming present draped over the back of the couch. Off towards the kitchen he could see the blender Ilya only owned because of Shane. Could see his favorite mug he had just washed drying on the drying rack.
The mug was a gift Ilya had brought home with him after the Centaurs had an away game in Tampa. The thought of Tampa still made Shane’s heart flutter anxiously, the near plane crash still a much to recent memory to not raise his heart rate.
But the mug had been purchased on a trip before that ill fated one. A year ago maybe? Shane couldn’t remember exactly when but he remembered Ilya handing him a brown paper bag to open. He pulled out the perfectly sized mug, Ilya knew he was very picky with his mugs.
It had a white base but was full of bright colors as it showed a sandy beach at sunset. The dark outline of palm trees in front of the pink, orange and red hues of the sunset. TAMPA was written along the bottom.
“I saw it in the airport, it made me think of the All Star Game.”
Shane had not needed to ask which All Star game Ilya had been talking about. His mind had instantly been transported back to 2017, Ilya sitting at the bar with his obnoxious floral button up, Ilya pretending to get eaten by a shark in the pool so the kids won their race, Ilya smacking a kiss on his helmet after he scored a goal from Ilya’s pass. Shane sitting alone in the sand watching a beautiful sunset when Ilya had suddenly sat down next to him, their fingers brushing together softly, Shane asking for Ilyas room number even as his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest. The All Star game that pulled them back together.
Shane and Ilya, begrudgingly, could admit that Scott Hunter kissing his boyfriend on television while winning the cup had changed things for them, but Shane also thought of that weekend in Tampa Bay the same way.
Without him apologizing to Ilya for running away in Boston, admitting he was gay, and telling Ilya how he felt they would not have been ready to take the hope Scott’s reveal had given them to end up at the cottage.
Tampa Bay All Stars was the first step in Shane fixing their relationship after his ‘relationship’ with Rose. Had they both not attended that weekend Shane wasn’t sure if they would have ended up here. He would like to think of course they would have, they would have found a way but you couldn’t be sure.
He wished he had a photo of them sitting in the sand together. Obviously that was impossible since one didn’t exist but even if it did it wasn’t like they could put up photos like that in their houses yet.
Maybe that’s what was bugging Shane, for a house that brought him so much comfort and peace the walls were empty. No photos hanging on the walls, it was so different from how he had grown up in his childhood home where you could barely find space on the wall to hang a calendar amongst all the frames.
The only place where photos of Shane and Ilya together hung on the walls was at Shane’s parents cottage and his cottage. Too many team mates stopped by Ilya’s house and even though Hayden knew about everything now J.J. loved to randomly show up at Shanes unannounced which would give him no time to hide the frames away or he could possibly forget leading to what would sure to be a difficult conversation.
He was sure J.J would come around after the initial shock of the Rozanov of it all but Shane just wasn’t ready for that yet. It was nice having at least two people on the team that he felt weren’t judging his every move.
Still it would be nice to able to walk into his empty house at the end of a difficult game and see Ilya smiling at him from a frame. He would feel less lonely if he could look around and see photos of their life together covering the walls and he was sure Ilya felt the same.
He noticed how often Ilya mentioned running multiple errands on his way home after Shane left. He didn’t say anything but Shane knew he was prolonging coming back to the dark and empty house.
He decided to flick the hallway light back on so it was bright when Ilya came back no matter what time. Maybe he should write a little note for Ilya and leave it on the kitchen table? Something for him to find to lessen the quiet.
Another idea popped into Shane’s head suddenly and with a glance at his watch and a bit of mental time crunching he grabbed his bag and headed out to his car, quickly searching for the closest flower shop to Ilya’s as he walked through the snow.
———-
Ilya had stretched out practice as long as he could before asking some of the guys to grab lunch with him. After that he decided to stop by the grocery store for the ingredients he needed for supper since he and Shane had decided to make the same meal this time so they were done at the same time. He made sure to grab some popcorn to eat while he watched the Admirals game later tonight.
Once the groceries were in the trunk he figured he might as well fill up his gas tank even though it was over half full.
After that the lack of sleep started to catch up to him so he made his way to a nearby cafe skipping the drive through and finding a spot inside to sip his coffee. The cafe was busy even though it was now around 2pm so he spent the first few minutes people watching before taking out his phone.
Shane had texted around noon to tell him he was heading into practice. Ilya had hearted the message but hadn’t texted anything back knowing he wouldn’t get a response until practice was over. Shane would call once he was done and they would FaceTime and cook together.
He found it a bit odd that Shane hadn’t texted to tell Ilya he made it home safely like he always did but maybe traffic had been bad and he had to go straight to the rink. Or maybe he had simply forgotten to text when he got back to the apartment. It was no big deal.
Ilya felt silly but he worried about Shane driving back and forth when he was tired. It was foolish because Ilya did the same drive and didn’t think twice about it, always teasing Shane when he said he worried about Ilya. At least Ilya usually grabbed an energy drink to sip on for most of his drives much to Shane’s dismay even though the caffeine kept him wide awake.
Shane would never.
After Ilya finished his coffee he had to accept the fact that he couldn’t create any more errands to avoid going back to his empty house. That was the worst part about Shane visiting him, Ilya hated the feeling of opening his front door and hearing the silence, the dull winter sun barely lighting up the house even with all its windows. It was easier for Ilya to visit Shane, easier to be the one who had to make the drive back. By the time the two hour drive was over he was just happy to be back in his house empty or not. But knowing Shane had been with him just hours ago and was now gone again already, well that made Ilya's heart hurt.
In no time he was pulling into his driveway and gathering up all his shopping bags. It had snowed enough that day that the footprints Shane would have left this morning were filled in, erasing the physical proof that his fiance had been here at all.
Scowling at the unmarked snow he unlocked the door to a bright hallway. He was grateful that Shane had left the light on, the warm light was a nice change from the dreary grey of the day.
As he made his way towards the kitchen his eyes caught on a burst of color just out of his sight. Confused he quickened his pace only to stop once the kitchen island came fully into view. A smile broke out onto his face as he took in the scene in front of him.
Sitting in the middle of the kitchen island was the largest bouquet Ilya had ever seen. Orange, pink, yellow, and white flowers arranged beautifully.
He felt his smile grow as he stared at them, he was sure if he lifted the vase it would weigh a tonne. He dropped the grocery bags onto the floor and flicked the lights on so he could admire the arrangement better. Once he stepped closer he noticed the note placed on the counter beside them.
Dear Lily,
Ya Tebya Lyublyu
You are everything to me
See you on Tuesday
Love, Jane
He chuckled at the use of their code names. He still remembered the night he typed his number into Shane’s phone with shaking fingers, already buzzing with nerves and excitement at the thought of getting to have sex with the beautiful guy standing in front of him. The guy that Ilya had not been able to get out of his head since he told him off for smoking in a non smoking area in Regina. The guy who ruined treadmills for Ilya as his mind always went back to them sitting on the floor sweaty and breathing heavy the night of the draft after trying to out do one another. He could picture the way Shane had laughed, his eyes crinkling when he noticed the name Lily before asking what he was going to be in Ilya’s phone.
Jane. Obviously. Jane and Lily.
Realization poured over him as his eyes went back to the cascade of flowers.
Lilies.
The whole bouquet was made up of lilies. Pink lilies, yellow lilies, orange lilies, white lilies. The only non lilies were little clusters of small white flowers and some greenery spread throughout.
Ilya sat himself down on a stool and studied the bouquet, his heart warming. He reached a hand up to his necklace and played with his engagement ring, he could feel tears starting to form in his eyes.
He brought the ring to his lips and kissed it before blinking the tears away.
Happy tears.
Ilya didn’t cry often, much less from happiness in his life but looking back now every instance he did involved Shane in some way. The whispered first “I love yous” at the cottage, the first night spent in his brand new home in Ottawa with Shane, the candle lit proposal and now this.
Feeling overwhelmed with love he took out his phone and snapped a few photos of the arrangement. He took a selfie of him beaming with the flowers taking up nearly the whole frame beside him, that one he sent off to Shane with a text.
Thank you for the lilies, Jane❤️
A few minutes later his phone started ringing. He quickly tapped the screen once he made sure it was Shane. He would have ignored anyone else.
“Hello, moy dorogoy”
“Hi, Ilya.”
He could hear the smile in Shane’s voice like he was sure Shane could hear in his.
“Have you seen photo? The beautiful flowers my Jane has sent me?”
Shane laughed.
“I’m guessing you like them?” He asked tentatively.
“Of course! How could I not? Although it is concerning how obsessed with me Jane still is after all these years. I am an engaged man now after all.”
“Your going to have to talk to her about boundaries I guess”
“Da. Very good idea”
Shane hummed in agreement. Ilya could hear him walking around presumably his apartment.
“Thank you, Shane.” He whispered, his voice losing the playful edge,
”It felt nice to walk into the house and see them. It felt like you were still here”
“You’re welcome, Ilya. I hate the idea of you coming back to an empty house I know you don’t like it”
Ilya smiled fondly, he had never mentioned how he felt about it to Shane but of course he noticed anyway.
“Well now I feel bad since you also went back to an empty house today”
“I called you the second I walked in the door so it didn’t feel empty at all.” Shane replied.
“Earlier though, yes? Before practice?”
“Ah, well. Actually by the time I found a florist who would make that bouquet last minute I had to go straight to the rink. Luckily I keep my gear in the trunk.”
Of course Shane kept his gear in the trunk, he told Ilya it was the responsible thing to do in case he ran into traffic. Apparently it also helped when Shane spent the morning hitting up florists to make a lily bouquet. A last minute bouquet which he was sure Shane paid a great deal for.
“Shane Hollander was nearly late for practice because of flowers?” He whispered in mock outrage and disbelief. “No wonder he is second best hockey player in league”
“Oh fuck off, Rozanov”
They both laughed into the phone, Shane now sounding like he was opening the fridge while Ilya reached out to touch some of the petals.
They stayed in a comfortable silence until Shane stopped making so much noise on his end.
“Did you end up grabbing stuff to make for dinner?” He asked.
“Yes! I left it all on the floor in rush to see flowers”
Before he stood to grab the abandoned grocery bags he moved the vase over a few inches. It was now very off center but he knew from this new spot he would be able to see the whole thing right when he opened the door.
“I’m going to have to buy them more often since you love them so much”
The thought of Shane buying him more flowers did something strange to his insides, no one had ever bought him flowers before and he hadn’t ever felt the desire for them but now, well now he was ruined.
“Yes I will expect princess treatment all the time now. Spend all your hockey money on expensive flowers”.
“Very expensive,” Shane laughed in agreement.
Once Ilya grabbed all the bags and hoisted them onto the counter he was about to click the FaceTime button when he stopped. Instead he opened up Google and typed,
‘Are there flowers named Jane?’
When his search produced photos of some beautiful bright pink roses apparently named Jane Ilya smirked as he clicked the FaceTime button. Shane’s face filled his screen with a smile before he started looking at him suspiciously once he took in the smirk on Ilyas face.
“What?” Shane asked giving him a look.
“Nichengo” Ilya replied with a shrug. Shane didn’t look convinced but apparently decided to let the matter drop as he grabbed some veggies to chop.
Ilya reached into the plastic bags to start his preparation as well but his mind was elsewhere.
He would have to starting calling around early tomorrow to see if any florists had those specific roses in stock or if they could order enough in to make a large bouquet that he could bring with him to Montreal next Tuesday.