Work Text:
Characters
The Director - Sasha James
The Artist - Miranda Stanford
The Archivist - Jonathan Sims
The Inspector - A figure with an eyeball in place of a head. They are all in shades of black and white, the only spot of colour on them being a green chrysanthemum sticking out of their vest pocket.
Best enacted with central staging, in a small room, with any audience members seated just outside the reaches of the light. To show the passage of an indeterminate amount of time between each scene, the light dims to complete darkness, before gradually being brought back to full luminosity.
Scene 1
In a place outside of time; a small windowless room fit for an interrogation, with an angular table in the middle, and two chairs on either side, one in which the Inspector is seated. A blinding white light hangs overhead. The edges of the room are plunged in darkness.
The Inspector (stern): Come.
[Silence.]
The Inspector (more softly): Come on in. I don't bite.
The Director (stepping into the edges of the light, making their silhouette visible): I didn't want to interrupt.
The Inspector: Nonsense. You're not interrupting anything. We were waiting for you.
[The Inspector gestures to the seat across the table. The Director sits.]
The Inspector (pleasantly, leaning forward on their elbows and resting their head on their linked hands): So. Overthrowing the previous Head, eh?
The Director (tense): Yes.
The Inspector: And what makes you think you are qualified for the job?
[The Director inhales sharply.]
The Director: I do not.
The Inspector (gleefully): Sasha James, underqualified for the first time in her life!
[The Director is silent. They return the Inspector's stare.]
The Inspector: Well, it's quite alright. We've all got to start somewhere. So— [They lean back.] What makes you think you will be qualified for the job?
[A moment of silence as the Director collects themself.]
The Director (slowly): I'm going to do my best. I intend to…commit to it.
The Inspector: Oh?
The Director (more firmly): I intend to fully embrace my role, barring the couple of things the Archivist and I have discussed.
The Inspector (shrugging): Much to our dismay. But there's no rush, and I suppose an informed and willing worker is better than the whole place burning down.
[The Inspector leans forward over the table, their eye a few centimeters from the Director's face.]
The Inspector (menacing): We expect obedience and dedication.
The Director (gaze fixed straight ahead, expression tense): Noted.
[The Inspector sits back down.]
The Inspector (pleasantly): Perfect. You can go.
[The Director exits. The Inspector sits in silence, unmoving. Waiting.]
Scene 2
The Artist (shyly, from the direction of the door): Hello?
The Inspector (enthusiastically): Yes! Come on in!
[The Artist steps into the light and sits hesitantly. They look awkward, holding themself as if attempting to take up as little space as possible.]
The Inspector (still enthusiastic): I've taken a look at your resume. Absolutely delightful!
The Artist (brightening): Really?
The Inspector: Yes! It's rare for us to find someone who is such a good fit. When can you start?
The Artist (fumbling): I—Um—
[After a moment, the Inspector reaches out to place a hand on the Artist's shoulder. The Artist looks up.]
The Inspector (softly): It's alright. Take your time.
[The Artist looks like they might burst into tears.]
The Inspector: You belong here.
[The Artist places their hands over the one on their shoulder and sobs softly. After a moment, the Inspector retrieves their hand.]
The Inspector: We're happy to have you. [They pause.] You can go now.
[The Artist gets up, sniffling.]
The Artist (faintly): Thank you.
The Inspector: It's a pleasure.
[The Artist exits. The Inspector waits in their seat, this time drumming their fingers on the table.]
Scene 3
[The Archivist enters. They pause at the edge of the light, before stepping into it and sitting down. They lean their cane against the table.]
The Inspector: So. How has the return to work been going?
[A moment of silence.]
The Archivist (drily): I was never on leave.
The Inspector (brightly): Right you are! Working hard, as always. Say, there's going to be a promotion and a new hire, we can count on you to train them up, yes?
[A moment of silence.]
The Archivist (tiredly): What is this place?
[The Inspector looks around as if taking in their surroundings for the first time.]
The Inspector: Why, I believe it is a room!
The Archivist: Is this a dream?
The Inspector: Maybe. Does it matter?
The Archivist: Why am I here?
The Inspector (clapping their hands together): Still asking plenty of questions, I see! Wonderful. Wonderous. Exquisite!
The Archivist (intentionally compelling): Why am I here?
The Inspector (after a delighted gasp): I am honored! [They fold their hands in front of themself on the table.] Just a routine performance review in your case, I suppose.
The Archivist (unruly): Since when have we had performance reviews?
The Inspector: Since I've come into being, I believe.
[The Archivist stares at them in silence.]
The Inspector: Look. I just wanted to meet the team.
The Archivist (stubbornly): I didn't think we could have performance reviews.
The Inspector: And yet, here we are.
The Archivist: What are they for?
The Inspector (incredulously): What are they for? Don't you think it's high time your work be judged?
The Archivist (after a pause and a sigh): Judged…Watched…Right.
[The Archivist rubs the bridge of their nose.]
The Archivist: Can I go now?
[The Inspector claps once.]
The Inspector (enthusiastically): Of course! Run along. You have lots to do, I'm sure.
[The Archivist stands and slowly walks away from the table. The door creaks as it is opened, then closed.]
[The Inspector lets their hands fall to the table again, then intertwines their fingers together. They sit perfectly still. Waiting.]