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Since the day that he pulled them from the frozen car, Bodhidharma Kanis questioned his decision to take a couple of stray pups under his wing.
His better judgment told him - and continued to tell him - that the boys would have been happier if he'd stuck to his original plan to leave them at the local orphanage. They were good boys - unruly at times, as all pups could be - but mostly quiet, and always so eager to please him. They wouldn't have stayed in that orphanage for very long. Someone would have given them a real home soon enough.
But something made him hesitate at the time. There was no denying the unusual circumstances in which he and Helmut had found the boys: locked in a car, left for dead, one of them tied up. Both of them delirious, and one of them - the one going by "Bronco" now, murmuring nonstop, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Please don't be mad."
In that moment, it occurred to him that whoever thought it was a good idea to discipline a couple of innocent pups by locking them in a car during a snowstorm, well, they might come back. And once they realized that the pups were gone, they'd start looking. Possibly at a local orphanage. At that point, he might as well not have saved them at all. They would be right back where they started.
He gave them the choice. It seemed only fair. They might be young, but they still deserved to have a say in their own fates. Though they couldn't remember where they'd come from, or even their own names, it didn't take long for them to decide that they would rather stay where they were.
So they did.
That, and Helmut liked them. He could never say no to Helmut.
Still, the doubts lingered. He knew next to nothing about raising children. He was an assassin, not a father. Moreover, his choice in career wasn't ideal when he could end up in a prison cell if he wasn't careful, leaving the pups all alone again.
What's done is done, he told himself. This is their home now. You made your decision, and you cannot take it back now.
He hadn't fully considered how much of a change it would mean to his own life either. Quiet evenings at home were broken up by the sounds of footsteps and little whispers. Doors opening and shutting with far too much force. Everyday objects going missing due to one of the pups picking something up and setting it down away from its appointed spot. The television turning on without his doing, followed by the occasional argument over which channel to watch. Other hands throwing toys for Helmut to chase.
And when they weren't engrossed in the television or playing with each other, he often felt them nearby, staring at him. He couldn't see their expressions, but their silence suggested that they still didn't quite know what to make of him, any more than he did of them.
Where once he would have enjoyed listening to the rain hit the windows as he moved his fingers over a good book, with Helmut warming his feet, now his reading time was interrupted by a sudden cry:
"Whoa! Simeon, look! There's a sword in here!"
Bodhidharma's fingers hovered over the page. He didn't own a sword. The only weapon in the house - besides Helmut - was his knife.
Though perhaps, to a pair of small boys, it might be mistaken for…
"…Helmut. Heel."
He heard his beloved dog's harness ringing and ears flapping as Helmut shook out his head. Paws scraped the floor and a wet nose nudged Bodhidharma's free hand. "Good boy. Let us find out what those pups are up to. Forward."
The pups' voices grew louder and more distinct as he and Helmut made their way through the house. "…I don't know. I think it's too small to be a sword."
"Why d'you think it has a bell on it?"
The bell rang out once - then twice. "Let me see it! C'mon, Bronco!"
"Put it down."
The bell rang one last time, followed by the clattering noise of his knife being quickly placed on the table. Bodhidharma held back a chuckle. Their faces might not be visible, but he could hear their breaths catching and the ensuing silence that could only come from a couple of pups caught misbehaving.
"Why do you have a knife?" That bold question sounded like it came from Bronco. In the few short weeks since they'd settled in, he'd already proven to be the more confident of the two. His loud steps echoed all over the house, drowning out the other one's quiet patter.
"That? It was a gift from a friend, long before I met you." Which was technically true. They'd asked why he had a knife, not why he needed one.
"Who gave it to you? What do you use it for?"
So much for the half-truth. "You're quite inquisitive today, aren't you? Perhaps I'll tell you another time. But not now."
His non-answer did not satisfy either one of them. "Is it for cooking?" asked the other boy, the one going by Simeon. "Do you need it to cut up vegetables or something?"
"Can I hold it again if I promise to be really careful?" added Bronco.
"No. I don't want you cutting yourself with it." Bodhidharma slipped the knife into one of his pockets while the pups groaned. The groans turned to giggles as he heard Helmut licking them. Good boy. "Why don't you two run along and play with Helmut?"
"Hey, yeah! Let's hide and see if he can sniff us out again! C'mon, Helmut!" Two pairs of feet and four paws ran off. Bodhidharma smiled. While they hid from Helmut, he could hide the knife somewhere where they could never find it again.
"It was the bailiff who first caught the scent of smoke - the real bailiff. When he opened the doors and saw the scene that lay before him, he rushed to alert the first person he could find. Waves of heat pushed the men back. No one could approach the flames, but they knew they had to try before the evidence went up in smoke."
Bodhidharma's fingers grazed the pages of his book. He could well imagine the shouts of the bailiff and the officers rushing to contain the blaze. He did not need to imagine the crackling sounds of the fire or the smell of burning wood; his own fireplace supplied that. There was something engrossing about stories of real life crimes. They offered a chance to learn from others' mistakes, and to learn from those who had walked away from their killings unscathed.
"Oh God," A constable was said to have uttered, "There's someone…"
Helmut laid down across his human's feet. Bodhidharma's finger slipped on the page and he lost his place. Only then did he realize that he couldn't hear the pups playing anymore. Their whispers carried from the other side of the room. He caught his own name and Helmut's once or twice, and that was all.
It was distracting him from his book, so he decided he might as well address it. "Is there something you wanted to ask me?"
The voices fell silent. They were so easily intimidated. Given where and how he'd found them, he could well imagine why.
One of the boys spoke up. "Sir, we were just wondering…um…"
"Which one of you is speaking?" He suspected it was Bronco, but the pup was talking so quietly that it could have been either of them.
"Um, it's Bronco, sir. We were just wondering if you ever play hide and seek with Helmut?"
He sensed another, unspoken question lurking behind the one said out loud. "Sometimes, as a training exercise. He needs to keep his skills sharp if he wants to help me find things." Or people.
Another period of silence followed before the other voice - Simeon - asked the unspoken question: "Could you play it with us? Like, we hide and you have to find us, or we have to find you?"
They want me to play with them…?
Bronco followed it up with a much more blunt question: "Can you even find us if you can't see anything?"
With some assistance from Helmut, he could. Perhaps even without much assistance from Helmut. It could prove to be an interesting challenge, and a challenge was something he could never resist. "I can certainly try."
He heard excited whispers between the two of them, and then Simeon announced, "Okay. We'll go hide."
"And how long should I wait before searching for you?" he asked.
There was a confused pause, and Simeon replied, "You're supposed to count to ten while we hide," as if this was something that everyone knew.
"Very well. Go hide."
He felt Helmut leaning against his knees and reached down to scratch his dog's ears. "What do you think, boy? You'll help me find them, won't you?" Helmut's ears lifted beneath his fingers. "Yeeessss, yes, you will. You're a good boy, aren't you?" He smiled at the sound of his dog's tail thumping against the floor.
Bronco shouted, "Are you ready yet?"
"Of course I am. You asked me to wait ten seconds, did you not?"
Both pups sounded confused again when they called back, "You're supposed to say, 'Ready or not, here I come.'"
"Yeah, that's how you play it."
He took a moment to process this. "That seems counterproductive, does it not?"
"Huh?"
"What?"
Bodhidharma chuckled. "Helmut and I are attempting to track you. Why would we make it easier for you to hide from us by announcing that we're coming?"
Another pause ensued. "Because that's how you play the game…?" replied Bronco, phrasing it more like a question than a confident answer. Not that it would have been a good answer even if it had been spoken with confidence. Bodhidharma chuckled again. Someone clearly needed to teach these pups to think for themselves.
"Are you coming?"
Bodhidharma took a moment to slowly push himself up from his chair, then patted Helmut to his side. "I'm afraid I still don't understand. Why don't you explain it to me again?"
"You count to ten, and then we have to hide while you're counting, and then you have to yell really loud that you're coming so we know we're out of time…"
All the while, he moved quietly through the house, following the sounds of the pups' voices. Helmut's nails clacked too loud against the floor, but the pups were also too wrapped up in their explanations to take notice.
"The game ends when you find both of us. And Bronco's not allowed to help you find me if you find him first…"
"…And Simeon's not allowed to help you either."
Such a rule hardly mattered when he could hear their voices coming from the same closet. He pulled back the sliding door and heard two piercing screams.
"A word of advice for you, young pups: if you don't want to be found, you should not speak so loudly."
Bronco whined, "That's not fair. You didn't tell us you were coming."
"Kheh-heh-heh-heh. Now, why would I give the two of you an unfair advantage?"
"…Huh?"
Simeon spoke up. "Can you go back so we can try again?"
"If that's what you want." Bodhidharma made his way back to the fire, while two pairs of feet scurried behind him.
Even now, this was child's play - though, he supposed he should have expected as much when he was quite literally playing with children. He'd become very familiar with the various noises in his home after years of living there. The doors all sounded alike in the way that they creaked open, but there was no mistaking the screech of the shower curtain being pulled back.
"Are you done counting? You gotta say it this time!" Bronco shouted.
Bodhidharma sighed. And after he'd just reached his warm armchair again. "Very well. I am coming."
"That's not how you say it - " Bronco's voice was cut off by Simeon's frantic "shhh!"
Bodhidharma smiled. They're learning. Well done.
Still, their efforts to keep quiet were in vain, since he already knew where they were. "C'mon, how'd you know?" Bronco whined, when the shower curtain was pulled back. "Are you using Helmut to cheat?"
"How would that be cheating?" Bodhidharma responded. "Do you 'cheat' when you use your eyes to find people?"
"No," grumbled Bronco. "But you're using him to sniff us out!"
Bodhidharma shook out the shower curtain to demonstrate its screeching. "…I hardly needed Helmut to sniff you out that time."
Simeon groaned. "I knew hiding in here was a bad idea."
"Then why'd you come hide with me instead of going somewhere else?" Bronco complained.
"I wasn't following you! You were following me!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yeah-huh!"
Bodhidharma's armchair called out to him. In any case, he had no desire to continue standing in the bathroom listening to their little spat. "I take it the game is over?"
They stopped fighting at once. "No, wait! Give us another try! Please?" begged Bronco.
"Yeah, please?" Simeon echoed.
He sighed. "I suppose so."
"Yes!" The floor vibrated as they jumped up and down. "Okay, this time, can you go all the way back to the fireplace and then start counting?" asked Simeon. "So you can't hear where we hide?"
That brought a smile to Bodhidharma's face. He's clever, that one. It really was remarkable how quickly they picked up on their previous mistakes and sought to correct them. It almost made the repetitive nature of the game worth the sacrifice of a quiet evening.
He returned to his armchair and began to count. The pups ran back and forth, already forgetting their resolve to be quieter. He heard a door slam shut as he reached "five," followed by silence. It was close to where he sat, which suggested that they were hiding in the bedroom that he'd given them.
"Forward, Helmut. Let us go and find them."
Helmut pressed against his leg and they set off again. He stopped as they passed the pups' bedroom and reached for the handle - only to feel a tug from Helmut. Bodhidharma tugged back. "No, boy. This way." Still, Helmut persisted.
Soft giggles broke out, but they weren't coming from behind the door that he'd distinctly heard the pups close. They came from the direction of his own bedroom, which he now recalled that he'd left wide open. Ahhhh. His grin widened. Yes, they are very clever pups. He followed the tug of Helmut's harness, and sure enough, Helmut led him right to his bedroom.
"Well done…"
But this, evidently, was too much for Bronco. "No, that's cheating!" he wailed. "You can't keep using Helmut to find us!"
And he'd been just about to praise them for their ruse. "Was that not why you started playing this 'hide-and-seek' game in the first place? To see if Helmut could track you?"
More grumbles came from the pup. He was quite stubborn when angry. "…Yeah, but now you're the one looking for us. So you have to find us yourself."
"Then you can try finding me with your eyes closed and see how well you do. Helmut is my guide," replied Bodhidharma firmly.
"But it's not fair!"
Bodhidharma lifted his eyebrows. "Oh? It isn't? But you taking advantage of my blindness is perfectly fair?"
"No…I don't know…I…it's just not fair!" Small hands shoved past Bodhidharma and Helmut, and Bronco's feet pounded against the floor as he sobbed, "I'm not playing anymore!" The door to the pups' bedroom slammed shut again.
The silence was broken by a soft sigh from Simeon. "Sorry. He does that sometimes."
"Kheh-heh-heh." Bodhidharma reached out in the direction of the pup's voice and lightly tousled his hair. "Let's leave him alone for now. He will come out again when he is ready."
"Okay."
Helmut had other ideas. On their way back to the fireplace, he stopped in front of the pups' room and whined. Bronco's sniffles could be heard from the other side of the door. Bodhidharma attempted to gently pull him away. The pup needed time and space to calm down, something that Helmut's protective nature wouldn't understand.
The harness slipped from his hand, followed by a soft flump outside the pups' door. "Heh. It seems I have two stubborn pups today."
"Sir?" Simeon's small hand tapped against Bodhidharma's. "I can help you find your way back if Helmut wants to stay?"
Bodhidharma smiled and took the pup's hand. "That's very considerate of you."
At last, they returned to his armchair, and he reached once more for his book. Yet he could still feel Simeon hovering next to him. His hands rested against the Braille text, waiting for the pup to speak up. The silence dragged out. "Well? What is it?"
"Um…" The pup hesitated. "…Sir, if Bronco's not coming out, can I draw pictures?"
"Yes. Why do you need my permission?"
"…I dunno," Simeon admitted. "Um…where…?"
"Go into the kitchen. You'll find paper in the top drawer next to the refrigerator."
"Thanks!" The pup's feet slapped against the floor as he ran. Then they stopped. "Where are the crayons?"
"Crayons…?"
"Yeah, for drawing!"
He did not, in fact, own anything of the sort. They had also been confused by the lack of toys when they first arrived at his house. He'd taken them downtown and walked up and down several blocks before they shouted that they were passing a store that sold such things. They'd filled several bags full of toys to amuse themselves, but crayons hadn't come up at the time. They must have assumed he had them.
Simeon was not deterred by this setback. "Okay, then where are the pencils?"
The pencils had been thrown away over time as he lost his vision, replaced by Braille pens. Unfortunately for the pups, Braille pens would not be a suitable drawing tool.
A sudden shout proved him wrong: "Never mind, I found one!" He was glad, though not completely surprised, to learn that a single pencil had escaped his notice. Perhaps he could finally get back to his book.
For a time, as he moved his fingers over the text, he heard nothing but the fire crackling and a pencil scraping against paper. Nearby, Helmut shifted against the door of the pups' bedroom.
The scribbling noises ceased. "Um…sir…?"
Bodhidharma leaned his head back against his chair. "Yes?"
"Can we go out right now and buy some crayons?"
He was never going to make it to the end of the chapter at this rate. "Right now?"
"Yeah, can we?"
A door opened and Helmut scrambled to his feet. Bronco's voice called out, "Can I come too?"
"I thought you didn't want to play anymore," Bodhidharma called out from over his shoulder.
"No, I'm good now. Can I come wherever you guys are going?"
"I never said that we were going anywhere. It is late and it is still raining. Perhaps tomorrow."
The door to the pups' room was closing and Helmut had set his head down with another flump when Simeon suddenly called out, "Hey, Helmut? Wanna go for a walk?"
Helmut's bell rang as he jumped up and pawed at Bodhidharma's legs, making excited little whimpers as he bounced around.
Bodhidharma shut his book. "You did that on purpose."
"Did what?" Simeon's voice was far too innocent to fool him.
Perhaps this was karma for the many lives that he'd taken. Somehow, without intending to, he'd lost his own as well. "Go get your coats and gloves."
Cheerful cries of "yay!" broke out and the house became full of noise as the pups ran from room to room. Helmut's tail beat against Bodhidharma's legs, happy as always to be going outside as well.
What's done is done, he reminded himself. The strangest part of the whole situation was realizing that he didn't want to go back on his decision, even if he could. Despite how ill-equipped he felt for parenting, he was growing increasingly fond of the pups and all of their peculiarities.
With Helmut's harness in hand and the pups jumping around him, Bodhidharma unlocked the door and the four of them set off into the night.