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Over the course of the ten years that Naomi Solace had lived at this particular horse ranch in Idlerise, she trained many a fine ranch and working horse alike. As her mother used to joke to her friends at church, Naomi had two passions in life: her music and her horses, both of which she threw herself into fully at any given opportunity. Even back when Naomi had first moved onto the ranch, she was quick to establish herself as the most experienced, proficient, and reliable horse trainer out of all the others.
To put it simply, Naomi Solace knew how to make a decent horse. Because of this, in her time working on this ranch, she was usually the one given the "difficult" colts and fillies to work with, and was often trusted to work with numbers double that of her horse trainer coworkers. One of her coworkers, Lee Fletcher, approached her about it once, tipping his hat in polite greeting before asking her what wisdom she could impart on him about training horses. She had thought it over long and hard before finally settling on an answer, one that she felt summed up her methods fairly well.
"If you want a well-trained horse, you gotta be okay with looking like a fool sometimes," she'd advised him. "You gotta learn to ignore the side-eye people give you while you work, and when people question your methods, you don't let yourself be embarrassed about it. Not for a single minute, because goddammit, you know how to shape any horse into a good and reliable one. The methods I use— they work, even if I look like a goney while I'm doing 'em."
It's a philosophy that she stands by, even years after declaring it. And with this little filly in particular, Naomi had always known that she would take extra time, extra care with training her. Because this filly wasn't just any old riding horse to be sold or kept on the ranch property. No, this little buckskin mustang was special to Naomi in a way that only her mama, Ladybird, had been before her. More importantly, this filly was special to the little boy who shared her birthday, the boy that Naomi had dedicated her whole life to, for better or for worse. Naomi took much more caution than usual when training this little mare, determined to ensure that her training was thorough, with no gaps or holes that could lead to disaster later on down the road.
That kind of caution and thoroughness meant that Naomi had to be comfortable with looking more like a fool than normal. And that was precisely what led to Naomi crawling between the two-year-old mare's legs, sitting cross-legged beneath her belly, and absentmindedly tugging on the stirrups on either side of her.
Most horses, if Naomi were to try such a thing, would already be halfway across the ranch by now, leaving Naomi crumpled on the ground with a hoof-shaped imprint on her forehead, but Honey isn't like most horses that Naomi has had to work with. No, Honey just stands there, perfectly still and content, as Naomi tugs lightly at the cinch above her, then the stirrups, not enough to cause pain, but enough to make the saddle on her creak in protest. Finally, most likely in an attempt to relieve her boredom, Honey ducks her head down, sticking her nose between her knees and stretching until her nose presses against Naomi's face. Naomi raises her eyebrows at the little mare, a wild grin spreading across her face.
"You tired of my shenanigans yet, Honey girl?"
Honey makes a low rumbling noise, tries to crane her head down even further. Naomi laughs, lifts a hand to teasingly squish the soft part of Honey's nose, just above her upper lip. In reply to the teasing gesture, Honey lets out an indignant snort, tossing her head.
"Oh, I'm coming out!" Naomi winces as she shifts, her knees cracking in protest. "No need to get impatient with me…"
It takes her a moment, but she manages to crawl out from between Honey's front legs. She wraps an arm around Honey's neck to support a part of her weight as she pulls herself up, and thankfully, Honey lets her, remaining still until Naomi is back up on her feet, brushing the dirt from her chaps and shirt. Once she's finished, she carefully ties the lead of Honey's rope halter around the horn of her saddle, making sure to give her plenty of length so that she can move her head before reaching up to rub the length of Honey's neck, chuckling when Honey turns her head to push her nose against Naomi's chest.
"You know, you put most full-grown horses to shame," Naomi teases, wrapping her arms around Honey's nose before kissing the space between her ears. "You make me look like a lot better at this whole 'horse training' thing than I actually am."
Honey doesn't reply, merely lets herself be cuddled for a moment, nuzzling Naomi in return before closing her eyes and basking in the affection of it all. But after a moment, Naomi feels a small breeze pick up, and Honey quickly extracts her head from Naomi's hold, her head swiveling to look outside the confines of the round pen they were working in, ears pricked, and nostrils flared. Her gaze follows Honey's to the distant hills, but to her surprise, they seem empty of any forms of life.
Naomi feels her brow crease in confusion; it's not normal for Honey to be spooked by anything, and the change in her behavior is certainly noteworthy.
"You see something?" Naomi asks, reaching up to smooth down Honey's forelock. Honey doesn't respond, merely lifts her head a little higher and sniffs again. It takes a moment for Naomi to understand what the mare is looking for, and when she does, she can't help the snort she lets out, sharp and fond.
"Oh…" Naomi gives the mare a knowing grin, bringing her hand down from Honey's forelock and crossing her arms in playful exasperation. "Is your chickabiddy comin' over those hills? 'S that what's happening?"
Honey doesn't respond, but as if on cue, a small figure emerges from atop the hills, holding his slightly-too-large hat atop his wild curls with one hand, the other waving wildly as he sprints down the hill, his freckled cheeks ruddy from a day in the heat, the sleeves of his too-big shirt pushed up to his elbows, and his smile as bright as the morning sun.
Seeing him— her Will, her baby, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed like this— never fails to make emotion surge in Naomi's chest, so powerful that it chokes her. She feels tears well in her eyes, and she quickly blinks them back— Will gets so concerned whenever he sees her cry, so for his sake, she tries not to show it. Not if she can help it.
And, of course, Naomi is far from the only one with a fondness for Will. As soon as she sees him, Honey immediately lets out a shrill whinny, tossing her head and prancing in place like she's trying to get Will's attention, but, of course, Will's already seen her. At her whinny, his whole face lights up in an expression so joyful that it makes something in Naomi's chest twist painfully all over again.
"I'm coming!" he shouts. "Hang on, Honey girl—!"
"Slow down, Will!" Naomi calls out through cupped hands. Will catches himself, slowing to something that was technically speaking no longer a run, though it's certainly toeing the line. Unconcerned with Will's pace, Honey hurries up to the fence, bobbing her head over the top rail with a soft nickering noise as Will approaches. He immediately scrambles between the wooden railings of the round pen, nearly falling over in his rush to climb through, and then he's wrapping his arms around the mare's nose, laughing as she busies herself with rubbing her muzzle over a stripe of mud across his shirt front.
"Honey girl!" Will exclaims, planting a loud kiss on the star beneath her forelock. Honey nickers eagerly, carefully pulling her nose out of Will's hold so that she can snuffle the curls by his ear, wiggling her upper lip against them until he ducks his head away with a giggle, catching her nose in his palms and squishing her muzzle. Naomi chuckles at the sight before going playfully stern again, folding her arms and raising a skeptical eyebrow at Will.
"Now, do I get a kiss too, or are those reserved for Honey?"
Will makes a half-hearted grumbling noise, but he releases Honey, hurrying over close enough so that Naomi can kiss his freckled cheek.
"Happy birthday, baby." She pulls back enough to lick her thumb, wiping at a small spot of dirt on the side of Will's nose, which makes him squawk, swatting her hand away. She grins, lifting his hat so that she can muss his curls. "Did you take good care of Ladybird for me now?"
"Yes, ma’am! I groomed her real good, and she’s already eating hay in her paddock,” Will pipes, tipping his hat in a way that makes Naomi bite back a giggle. He frowns a little. "Do I have to keep riding her? She's always falling behind, and Lee says he thinks I'm ready for a faster horse."
Ladybird was Naomi's personal mount— a pretty-looking bay mustang with a large white star beneath her forelock— and truth be told, Naomi couldn't blame Will for wanting a different mount. The two of them always seemed to be in some kind of tussle or other. Ladybird was grumpy, a little bit on the mean side, but Naomi loved her more than anything, and after Naomi had fled the boarding house, Ladybird had taken after mothering Will with a kind of determination that couldn't be dissuaded.
And oh, she could be a strict mother— she had a habit of standing rooted in place, refusing to move forward or obey Will's commands until he asked her in the right way. When she did move, she never moved above a slow, moseying pace whenever Will was on her, and if he ever tried something she deemed dangerous or particularly stupid, she would forcibly move him away.
On one particularly memorable occasion, Naomi had accidentally lost sight of Will during a picnic. He had a habit of running off without telling her, his spirit as restless as that of a wild mustang. Admittedly, Naomi had panicked, frantically urging Lee to help her search, and in her panic, she hadn't seen Ladybird trotting off to go search for the boy herself. Both Lee and Naomi had been scanning the surrounding area for a few minutes when they were startled by the sound of indignant yowling in the distance. When they'd finally managed to locate its source, both of them had nearly doubled over laughing at the sight of five-year-old Will, soaking wet and squirming furiously, Ladybird clenching his mud-stained shirt between her teeth as she angrily dragged him out from the creek before depositing him at Naomi's feet and returning to her grazing.
The other cowboys who worked on the farm had recently offered to take Will under their wing, teaching him the intricacies of herding horses and general cowboy work. Naomi had only agreed under the condition that Will ride Ladybird. The thought of Will being on any other horse filled Naomi with an uneasy anxiety. It was only after the cowboys had agreed to let Will ride Ladybird, and only after Lee had promised to keep an extra-close watch on Will, that Naomi had felt comfortable letting him out of her sight.
But, well, Ladybird was getting older. And with her habit of refusing to move for Will, Naomi could certainly see how Will was ready for a more advanced mount.
"Ladybird is a good mare," Naomi replies lightly. "She's made you into a fine young horseman."
"I know," Will grumbles, kicking at the dirt below with the toe of his boot. Honey nickers softly to get his attention again, and Will immediately grins, turning to wrap his arms around her neck and press his cheek against hers. "Is Honey doing good today?!"
"She's a clever little shickster, that's for sure," Naomi chuckles. "Only been about two weeks, but she carries a saddle like she's been doing it for years." Will beams, his attention now fully back on Honey, who seems more than happy to indulge in it.
"That's 'cause she's an ace-high kinda gal!" Will declares proudly. "Ain't you, Honey?" As if in reply, she makes a chortling sort of sound, nudging his hand before licking his palm. Will giggles, turning to look at Naomi with a pleading, hopeful expression.
Of course. Today was Will's birthday, and the two of them had spent the night before discussing the matter of his birthday present. One that Will had been begging for ever since Naomi had begun training Honey, and one that she had been reluctant to provide, only deciding to do so after a conversation with Lee. She sighs, giving him a faux-exasperated look.
“So… you ready to ride her today, baby?”
“Yes!” Will exclaims, practically vibrating with excitement as he eagerly bounces on the balls of his feet, grabbing onto Honey's leadrope and beginning to lead her to the center of the round pen. “Yes, yes, I’m ready, Honey, let’s go—!”
“Will,” she interrupts, soft and patient as she takes the lead rope from Will's hands. “Remember; quiet bodies make quiet horses. Ain't that so?” Will gives a sharp nod, following Naomi’s guidance as she gestures for him to take a long, slow breath. When he’s finally calmed down somewhat, no longer bouncing with excitement, she smiles, giving a small jerk of her head. “Get the wooden step.”
The words have barely left her lips before Will is hurrying off, thankfully walking this time, sticking his arm through the railing to grab the wooden step stool just outside the round pen. Naomi takes the opportunity to gently lead Honey to the center of the round pen, double-checking that the lead rope is tied around the saddle-horn before clipping her lunge line beside it. She cups the mare's face, stroking Honey's cheek as she feels her heart begin to pound wildly in her chest, that all-too-familiar anxiety rising to her throat as she closes her eyes.
"It'll be good for him," echoes Lee's voice, distant and faint beneath the almost-panicked thumping in her ears. "If Will knows how to ride a newly-broken colt or filly, then he'll always have at least enough money for a meal. It's a valuable skill for any cowboy to have, and we both know that Honey is the perfect filly to try that out on."
Sometimes, Naomi wonders if, during her pregnancy with Will, her mind was severed in two. Because ever since she first held Will in her arms, ever since she first took on the title of a mother, she feels as though her very self has been split into two parts, both of which are in constant conflict. Here and now, she feels them both, clashing and warring with one another.
There's the logical side, the one that knows Lee's words to be true. Honey was the exact kind of horse that Will could learn how to train with. Honey had inherited Ladybird's calm and easygoing nature, with none of the grumpiness or combative tendencies that usually came with it. She was young, still new to the world, but had been raised with the instinct to greet the unknown with curiosity instead of fear. Horses like Honey were easy to train and were just the right amount of challenge for someone at Will's horsemanship level to take on.
But then, there was the irrational. The part of herself that other cowboys on the ranch affectionately nicknamed "Nervous Nellie," the one that cried that somewhere along the road, Naomi had messed something up. That whispered that Honey wasn't the horse that Naomi perceived her to be, and that mistake would result in Will getting hurt.
Ever since Naomi had agreed to let Will ride Honey for the first time, she couldn't stop her mind from spinning up images of the mare throwing Will to the ground, of Honey panicking and accidentally crushing Will with one of her hooves.
Honey gently pushes her nose against Naomi's ribs, as if trying to get Naomi's attention. Naomi swallows, pressing her lips to the mare's black-tipped ears, her voice trembling as she murmurs into them.
"Please take care of him," she whimpers, screwing her eyes shut. "Just… he means so much to me, Honey, please—!"
At her words, she feels Honey tense slightly. She lifts her head with a soft noise of concern, moving as if to nuzzle Naomi's cheek. But before she can, Will is already at Honey's side, carefully placing the step stool by Honey's side before turning to Naomi with a wild grin. It fades a little as he takes in Naomi's expression, his brow creasing with concern.
"Mama?"
She forces herself to pull away from Honey's embrace, giving Will a shaky smile as she adjusts her hold on the lunge line.
"I'm alright, baby," she manages. "Just… tired from training horses all day." She sucks in a deep breath, meeting Will's gaze with all the steadiness she can muster. "Okay. You remember the three rules we agreed on?"
Will immediately brighten again. He gives an eager nod of his head, a jovial, "Mm-hm!" before moving to step up onto the stool, only to be stopped by Naomi's gentle hand on his shoulder, urging him back down again.
"Tell me what they are."
Will lets out a frustrated huff, crossing his arms with a pout that makes the corners of Naomi's lips twitch upwards.
"No giving Mama a heart attack," he grumbles. Naomi nods, holding up a finger to keep count.
"That's one. And that's a non-negotiable."
Will frowns. "What's a 'non-negotiable'?"
"Means there ain't no compromise or wiggle room. It means that if you give me a heart attack, I'm gonna pull you right off this mare. You understand?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good." She flips up a second finger, raising an eyebrow at Will. The way his face scrunches up in thought is so adorable that Naomi has to fight the urge to pinch his ruddy cheek.
"No bronco riding?" Will guesses after a moment.
"Well, that's actually the third rule, but I'll allow it." Naomi grins, flipping up another finger.
"Is that another non-negotiable?"
"Yep. If she starts bucking or makin’ a fit, don’t try to play cowboy. I want you to get off just like I taught you on Ladybird, and you’ll let me deal with Honey’s bucking.” When Will gives a resolute nod of his head, Naomi taps her second finger with a pointed look, waiting patiently as Will tries to recall the final rule.
"No… rushing?"
"That's right!" Naomi beams at him, an expression which he immediately mirrors, his hand coming up to stroke Honey's face as Naomi talks. "Remember, this ain't Ladybird; Honey's never been ridden before, so it's all brand-new for her. Whatever she feels like she can give us today is what we're gonna take. Maybe she'll be more than happy to try some trotting and loping with you on her, but if the only thing she can handle is standing still, then that's what we're gonna do." She gently tugs Honey's head back towards her, planting an exaggerated kiss between Honey's ears. "And we're gonna love on her the whole way through, you understand?"
"Yes, ma'am!"
"Okay then," Naomi sighs, hating the way she can feel her heart start to climb into her throat. "Let's get started then."
Will climbs up onto the step stool, carefully placing one hand on the saddle horn, the other on the cantle, before turning to look at Naomi for direction. She swallows, rubbing steadying circles into the star on Honey's forehead.
"Okay. Feel around a bit, make sure she's used to your touch there. Rub her shoulder, her hindquarters— yep, just like that. And don't tiptoe with it. Remember, we want her to know you're there, that way you don't catch her by surprise." She glances down at Honey, who, sure enough, is perfectly calm, her ears resting to the sides, her head low. She gives Honey a reassuring pat before moving to Honey's other side, keeping a firm hold of her halter as she clutches the other stirrup. "Okay. Now, you're gonna put your foot in the stirrup, and you're gonna stand on it. Don't swing your leg over until Honey's ready, okay?" Will nods, placing his hands back on the saddle with a determined expression. Naomi watches, her breath quickening slightly, as Will hooks his foot into the stirrup, easing his weight on and off for a moment to make sure Honey is ready before finally pulling himself up.
Naomi quickly presses down on her stirrup, careful to counteract the weight that Will has just added so that the saddle doesn't accidentally slip to one side. Honey tenses a little, her head lifting in surprise, her ears flickering back and forth as if unsure of what's happening. Will begins to coo softly at her, releasing the saddle horn so that he can gently stroke her neck. When Honey's head lowers, Naomi lets out a heavy sigh of relief, stroking Honey's cheek with her thumb.
"You're doing great, baby. Go ahead and pull your leg over; remember, don't slam down on her back, just settle nice and easy into the saddle…"
Her voice trails off, her heart pounding in her ears as she watches Will carefully swing his leg over, rubbing Honey's neck all the while. When he finally settles into the saddle, Honey's head lifts in surprise, her nostrils flaring, but blessedly, she remains still, glancing over at Naomi for reassurance.
"Good girl," Naomi breathes, moving to stand by Honey's head, her hands gently stroking the sides of Honey's face. "Good girl… you're doing well, baby. Let's just stand here a moment, let Honey figure herself out…"
Will nods, his fingers gently combing through her thick mane. Naomi and Will's soft praises mix into a gentle chorus as Naomi guides Will to rub Honey's shoulders, her hindquarters, the sides of her neck. Naomi watches, breath bated, as Honey snorts, as her head lowers for a moment, then raises again. She suddenly turns, wiggling her nose until she can bump it against Will's boot, her ears pricked curiously. At the sound of Will's giggles, she seems to relax even further, her tongue coming out to lick her lips as she nuzzles the toe of Will's boot, nickering softly.
"She's doing good, ain't she?" Will asks, breathless and so excited that it makes Naomi's teeth ache. Naomi nods, a small laugh of relief escaping her lips.
"She certainly is… funny little mare…" She gathers up the lunge line, giving Will a small nod of her head. "Okay. I'm gonna be there to stop her if she gets out of control. We're gonna ask her to walk in a circle. Just give a small tap with your heels, and tell her to walk on. We just want a step to start— when she gives it, we're gonna drop everything and give her lots of praise, okay?"
"Mm-hm!" Will clutches the leadline still wrapped around Honey's saddle horn, gently tapping his heels against her side. "Walk on, Honey girl."
Honey's head immediately raises again. Naomi waits a moment, but Honey remains rooted in place, her ears flickering back and forth rapidly, her eyes darting to Naomi. The unexpected response brings Naomi's anxiety to the surface, the power of it nearly choking her.
"C'mon, Honey girl…" Naomi swallows, lifting her hand to try to urge Honey forward. "You know this command… walk on…"
For some reason, Naomi's voice seems to make Honey dig her heels in further. Will keeps gently urging her forward, repeating the command in that same tone of voice over and over, but even when Naomi starts to gently tug on the lunge line, Honey remains as still as a tree, merely stretching her head forward, her nostrils flaring.
Had Naomi missed something?! Maybe Honey didn't know the command as well as Naomi had thought— Naomi glances around, but there's nothing, nothing but the sun beginning to sink towards the horizon in the distance, the breeze soft and gentle as before.
"Am I doing something wrong?" Will asks, clearly growing anxious himself. Naomi swallows, fumbling with her hold on the lunge line.
"No, baby, it's—" She cuts herself off, sinking her teeth into the inside of her cheek before tugging again, her voice shaking slightly. "Walk on, Honey—"
Honey lifts a hesitant hoof into the air, waving it as if unsure whether to put it down or not. Naomi quickly releases the pressure, and as soon as she does, Honey brings it back down, her head whipping around with an anxious whicker to shove at Will's boot with her nose again.
"What is it?" Will asks, frowning down at the mare as she nudges him again. "Honey—"
"She's—" The realization brings a painful prick of tears in her eyes, one that she tries to fight back. "She's making sure you're still there, baby. That's all."
"Oh." Will blinks, then gives the mare a reassuring smile, reaching down to rub the star on her forehead. "I'm okay, Honey girl! See? Still right here…"
Honey fusses over Will a moment longer, nuzzling his boot and rumbling softly at him, but finally, she turns back to look at Naomi, stretching out her head to her, ears pricked and eyes soft.
She's trying to comfort me, Naomi realizes.
She knows I'm scared, and she's trying to show me that she's gonna take care of him.
"Mama?"
Will's voice is soft with concern, and the gentle sound of it brings Naomi back to the present. She blinks, shaking the thoughts from her head before giving Will a small smile.
"She's a fine little horse, isn't she?" She presses her lips together for a moment, then steels herself, lifting the lunge line again. "Okay. Let's try to get her to walk again; she should be better now."
This time, when Will urges her forward, she only hesitates for a moment before taking a few stiff steps forward, her head lifted like she's preparing to catch Will on her neck should he fall. After a bit of encouragement, she finally relaxes into the walk, and soon, she's plodding along at a steady pace, her steps careful and deliberate as she circles Naomi.
"She's almost as slow as Ladybird right now," Will remarks. Naomi bites back a smile.
"She knows she's got precious cargo."
Will rolls his eyes, but he's smiling, stroking Honey's neck as she moseys along, her ears tilted back to listen for his voice.
"She's still young," Naomi continues. "Once she's built up some more of those muscles to carry you around, she'll pick up the pace soon enough. But for now, this is all new, remember?"
Will nods, reaching down to pet Honey's dappled coat again. After a few circles in both directions, Naomi urges Honey up into a small trot. It takes a few tries, as Honey keeps taking a few strides, then abruptly stopping, turning to check if Will is still on her, but after a few rounds of this, she's trotting nicely and evenly, her pace one that Will seems to be able to sit to without any issues. When Naomi looks up at his face, it's absolutely glowing, his smile so wide that it almost looks like it hurts.
"Is she an okay ride so far?"
"Yeah…" Will's cheeks darken, his head ducking bashfully like he's trying to hide his giddy expression. "She's really smooth. I like it."
Seeing her Will like this— one hand keeping hold of the leadrope, the other clutching the saddle horn, beaming with pride, so happy that he can barely contain it— it's enough to make her burst into a peal of bright laughter, one that Will quickly joins in with. By the time the sun has cast the sky with shades of blush, Honey is loping around the round pen, her ears pricked to listen to Will's delighted giggles and overjoyed praises.
"Let's end it there!" Naomi laughs, carefully using her lunge line and body cues to guide Honey back to a walk. "That was beautifully done, both of you—"
As soon as she's slowed to a walk, Will leans forward and wraps his arms around her neck, his rosy and freckled cheek squishing against the crest of her mane as he embraces her, beaming wildly. She immediately halts, her whole body relaxed but still as she stands, seemingly caught between the sheer infectious happiness of the moment and being careful to support Will's weight on her neck. Her nostrils flare as she nickers, soft and gentle, her head turning just a little to look at Naomi.
The sight of both of them— the son that she'd made so many mistakes in raising, and the horse she'd taken such care to train, both glowing against the pink skies of an approaching evening— is what finally makes Naomi burst into tears.
At some point in her weeping, Will must have slid off of Honey, because the next thing she knows, he's wedging himself into her arms, wrapping his own around her ribs, and pressing his cheek to her chest, his hat falling aside to reveal the bushy mess of wild blonde curls beneath.
"What is it?!" Will asks, tightening his hold around her middle with a distressed sound. "Mama, what's wrong—?!"
Naomi can't answer. Instead, she wraps her arms around his shoulders, presses her sob into the crown of curls beneath her chin.
Because there are some things you can't explain to a child, at least, not in a way that would make sense.
She doesn't know how to tell him that she's suddenly returned to that evening exactly ten years ago, the chilly night air a stark contrast to the almost feverish warmth of Will's small body in her arms. How can she explain the feeling of his forehead pressed to her neck, his snores vibrating against her chest as she stares up at Evelyn Solace, who is standing on the back porch of the boarding house above her, hands on her hips, anger and heartbreak alike warring in her eyes.
"You think you're so high and mighty, do you?!" Evelyn had snapped through her tears. "You think that just because you have a baby, you suddenly understand?! Mark my words, Naomi— that child will grow up to be exactly like you. And then, you'll really understand. You'll understand how hard it was to raise you, how much your father and I gave up for you, only to get nothing in return! You'll finally realize how hard it is to be a parent, and you'll realize that you're no better than either one of us!"
Those words had been the last ones Evelyn had ever said to her— by the time Evelyn was halfway through them, she had been shouting them after Naomi, who had hurried off, Will's small body clutched in her arms, tears streaming down her face as she frantically tried to block them out.
Will's birthday was always a complex event for Naomi— one filled with so many bad memories. It feels good that with each year that passes, he brings new and good ones into her life.
She can feel Honey's nose running along the fabric of her sleeves, can hear the soft whickering sounds as she tries to comfort Naomi. But Naomi just clings to Will a little tighter, squeezing her eyes shut as the stinging tears leak past.
"I'm okay," she manages. "I'm okay, baby, just… I'm proud of you. Both of you." She sniffles, brings a hand up to scrub the tears from her cheek. "Like you said; Honey's an ace-high kinda gal."
"Yeah…" She hears Will swallow, feels him tighten his grip even further. "She had an ace-high kinda trainer."
The compliment, simple as it is, brings on a new wave of tears. Naomi ruffles his curls with a watery laugh, presses her lips to the crown of Will's head.
Her father, her mother, even herself at times— they had always told her that she was a child who was hard to love. Someone who it took effort not to hate. And Naomi had always been afraid that when Will grew older, she would grow to resent him just as her own mother and father resented her, that she would perpetuate that same cycle of abuse that had plagued her as a child.
Those words that Evelyn had said that night to Naomi had taken root, had festered inside of Naomi like an infected wound. But it seems these words had finally come true, just as Evelyn had predicted— Will had grown up to be almost exactly like Naomi had. He had grown to have those same golden bushy curls and ruddy freckled cheeks that had been a source of such insecurity for Naomi as a child. He held that same love for horses, that same restless and wild spirit, the same messy kindness and everlasting empathy, the same impatience and eagerness to seize the day as his own, and Naomi…
Well, it hurt.
Because here was Will, the mirror image of Naomi as a child in so many ways, and even when he frustrated her, even when he made her angry or caused her distress, loving him was the easiest thing she'd ever done.
The mere thought of raising a hand to him, much less a belt, made her sick to her stomach.
And suddenly, she's mourning her childhood self. Weeping for the girl who had been convinced that she was unlovable, because she knows now just how far from the truth that is.