Chapter Text
“Dude, turn off the padd!” Darem felt a stray piece of clothing, probably his own t-shirt, hit him in the shoulder. He looked up from what he was writing at Caleb, who laid on his bed on the other side of the room with his blanket over his head.
“There are so many little lights on in here, and you're bothered by one extra padd?”
“It's not the light, man, it's the typing.” Caleb's voice was muffled under the covers. “Just save and go to sleep!”
Darem sighed. He looked down at what he had written. Nothing very important, he could do it another time. And he really ought to get a few hours of good sleep in before his workout.
The problem was, his mind was racing so fast that if he put the padd down before he could get what he wanted to say down on the document, his thoughts would keep him awake. He covered himself with his own blanket and focused back on his document.
I'm glad we're both here, no, too basic. I'm glad we found each other here, too basic and intense? Finding the wording was the hardest part. He wasn't quite sure how to process everything he was feeling into language. It all felt so… blurry and terrifying.
There was a thrill that shot through him when they were together. It pierced his stomach, making his heartbeat faster and faster the longer they were there and the closer they would stand. He'd definitely felt it once before, about 2 years ago with Kaira, but this time it was coupled with a bubbling anxiety and a tiny dash of guilt for leaving his family disappointed.
Who was he kidding, the guilt was coiling around him like a snake, threatening to constrict and snap his neck.
He tried not to think about that, though.
I'm glad that we can help each other find where we need to be, build each other up. Too deep, maybe?
But it was true, and it was one of many reasons why the fear was making this task so much harder. He had never been treated gently quite like this before. He had been kind himself: a sliver of empathy for the guy had led him to that. But he never expected to have the same kindness returned, to be calmed and seen in such a similar way. It shook him deep in his chest.
Why can't it just be simple? he thought. Why does this have to be happening to me?
His throat closed up as he stared at the text on his screen. The words felt pitiful. Jay-den was taken, basically. No matter how perfect a confession he wrote, he would be too late. Simply not good enough- not opportunistic or confident enough- to get the chance to explore whatever was between them, assuming there ever was. But he still deserved to know. He still deserved to know that Darem feels so strongly. Right?
If they still talked to me, Mother and Father would call me a freak. He ran his hand over his face, feeling the tension around his eyes. He would and should feel ashamed for falling for someone other than the woman to whom he was promised, much less a non-Khionian. It wasn't that it had never happened, but it was certainly not appropriate for the once-intended ruler of the planet.
The words on the screen started to look more and more like gibberish, and he felt less and less like even writing this was a good idea. He blinked slowly, relishing the feeling of having his eyes closed, and nearly dropped the padd before he noticed. Rapidly starting to fall into sleep, he saved the note and slipped the padd out from under his blanket onto his side table.
Slowly, the world slipped out from his vision and consciousness. Some time and a short nonsensical anxiety dream about being back on Khionia later, his alarm went off at 3:29 sharp, and he was up and off on a run in the halls.
A few hours later, Caleb rolled out of bed, feeling drowsy and far from rested. Ocam snored in the bunk above him. The sun was starting to rise, and it was shining straight into Caleb's right eye as he put on his uniform. Halfway through sliding his undershirt on, he got fed up, and pressed a button to dim the glass.
After he did so, he noticed light from the screen of a pad still shining over on Darem's nightstand. The one he was incessantly working on last night, Caleb assumed. What in the world could be so important?
He went to it and leaned over the nightstand, able to read the unfinished message.
“Oh,” he said aloud. “Well, that's something.”