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The night air felt cool against Cynikka's skin, something she had needed to feel after spending days apon days of just walking, running, fearing, and going down there. They looked down at the book held tightly by one hand, the pencil lingering over the page, wanting- no, needing to write something. Cynikka was thinking back to that machine. What was it called again? The Atropos Machine, if Cynikka was write, if her book was right.
Cynikka wanted to write about the machine, keep it in her memory before the moon set and the sun rose. But, Woogie had asked told Cynikka not to write anything about the machine down, to not risk the chance of people who didn't need to know about the machine finding out from them. Then, that would be her fault wouldn't it, placing their team's knowledge in the wrong hands all because she couldn't keep her pen still? No, they had to listen to Woogie on this, they had to stop the need to write down all their thoughts.
However, as Cynikka's need to write something was slightly fanned out their eyes traveled to their writing from before. It wasn't the best, something Cynikka guessed had been from whatever she had done before the amnesia struck, before they lost The Ark her group and… and him. Cynikka's hand slightly shook at the thought of them, but she couldn't let herself think about that for long, no. So Cynikka adverted her gaze to the fourth entry on that page.
Magic. That girl Cynikka might've been friends with on the first day in Paradise City. But now? After what Woogie and Jawn her group had done? Cynikka wasn't so sure Magic would want to see their face again. Even if all Jawn had done was be aggressive towards… Chuck —that was his name, right?— while questioning him to the point it probably felt like a personal attack towards that group. Cynikka remembered the shot she heard, remember Magic's panicked yelling at their group, asking what they had done to Chuck.
Had Woogie really shot Chuck just because he was being difficult?
Cynikka didn't know if she had ever had a good encounter with that man, but they remembered climbing up to Chuck, offering him a baked potato, a peace offering of sorts. Yet, when he refused to talk with Cynikka up there, what else could they do, but oblige? That was the kind, the correct thing to do, right? Yes it was, don't doubt yourself, Cynikka chastised. What was the point anyway to doubt herself now? All Cynikka could really do was hope that Chuck had been okay after what Woogie they had done to him.
Cynikka turned her head, watching as the last person went into Squiddo's airplane-home. Cynikka had disliked the idea of staying in the airplane, hell, even walking inside the space made the hair on Cynikka's arms stand up. They, again, didn't know why that had made them uncomfortable, and even as Cynikka tried her hardest to pick through their long forgotten memories the only thing that came up was a small snippet of a white, sterile room, and voices discussing something that Cynikka had never been able to understand.
Cool metal slipped between her fingers as she subconsciously fiddled with the silver ring. Cynikka looked down, not realizing they had been messing with the metal band. Cynikka hadn't remembered the proposal, she most likely asked Spy about that a few times, but now, Cynikka couldn't even remember how long ago had he given them the silver ring. Cynikka could barely remember Spy's face really, the only reference she had was the drawing of him in their book, and the small snippet of memory she could will to their mind if she tried hard enough.
However, with each time Cynikka did that, the memory became more and more distorted, the more he became blurry. That confused her, why did that memory get worse and worse over time, the one with the person she loved most in the world, but not the one of a sterile room? Maybe because whatever caused the amnesia, whatever had befallen her to place this… this curse on their shoulders.
Cynikka looked down at their book again her sight landing on the third and second entries, the ones talking about her friends. Cynikka couldn't bring themself to lie and say how Jawn was operating, how he was so… threatening was good, but Cynikka could live with the lie that he was just desperate. Jawn had been getting more and more desperate to help Woogie, to save his friend before the infecting got to him, but was it even possible anymore? They had no one to use for the machine, no one —who would willingly at least— to take Woogie's infection onto themselves.
Cynikka's gaze lingered on the scrawled "WOOGIE IS GOOD". Was he really though? The infection was the main problem, sure, but Cynikka still doubted her own logic. What would Woogie be like if he wasn't infected? Cynikka didn't know that, but maybe she had known that at some point. Maybe, the two of them had been friends, but now? Now Cynikka was doubting themself, they weren't doubting Woogie, but she was doubting herself. She had always had a habit of doing that, which made sense because, if she didn't even have memories how could they not doubt herself?
Cynikka turned back to the first page, the one that had kept them sane the entire time. Her eyes lingered on the drawing that took up half of the second page. They must've drawn this when they could still remember Spy's face clearly. But now? Cynikka couldn't even remember the colour his eyes were. Brown? No, that felt to dark, definitely not. Blue? Maybe, but what was the point in guessing anymore? What good would it do her? Cynikka didn't have anything to colour the eyes in with anyways.
Cynikka closed their eyes as she forced herself to close the book. What use was it to dwell on the entries right now anyways? Cynikka opened their eyes again as she placed the book down in the airplane's wing.
Cynikka needed sleep, at least a few hours of it before dawn arose. They knew Jophiel would probably get them up before hand seeing as she was always up earlier than the others, most likely because of something to do with her belief.
Cynikka pulled her legs up to her chest and laid their head on top of them. It wouldn't be too hard to fall asleep considering how much she hasn't slept recently. She just hoped no nightmares would plague their mind this night. However, reality always had a way of proving you wrong.