Work Text:
Giving her hand a break from writing, Sohyun sets her pen on the coffee table and rubs her eyes before looking up. Seoyeon walks into the living room with a tray holding five steaming mugs, the smell of hot chocolate wafting across Sohyun’s senses and filling her lungs with warmth.
Their shared house is covered floor to ceiling in Christmas decor, fairy lights on every wall, the tree quite possibly the biggest fire hazard Sohyun has ever seen (although it is gorgeous), hell, even their TV is draped in tinsel. December doesn’t even roll around until the end of the week, but she and her housemates are already fully steeped in the holiday spirit.
Not that Sohyun’s complaining. In recent years, Christmas has become a time of year for her to remember what’s really important in her life: her family and friends, kindness and love, all the sappy shit. As expected, the vice president of their university’s poetry & literature society is a sentimentalist in every sense of the word. So, no, arguably early decor and songs on the radio are not a source of complaint for her.
She’s got something else on her mind.
“Yo, Sohyun!” Nien leisurely descends the stairs, hands in the pockets of her green and red hoodie, her hair damp from the shower she’s just taken. “How’re the lyrics going?”
How the hell did she become the lyricist for Assemble?
She knows that, really, it’s simple. Nien came to Sohyun before bed, admitting that Seoyeon and Nakyoung were struggling to write the lyrics for the bridge of a song. She thought Sohyun’s literary expertise might be able to help them, and since Sohyun is a good friend, and it was only a couple of lines of writing, there was no reason to say no.
A bridge became another song, which became two, and before she knew it, Sohyun ended up at all the band’s practices with a notebook in hand, tapping the eraser end of her pencil to her lips. It had all snowballed much faster and much more intensely than she could’ve anticipated, but at this point, she’s too deep to back out.
To be fair, she enjoys writing lyrics, and she still likes helping her friends. But as she saw more of Assemble’s day-to-day operations, even as an indie student band, she concluded that this was the most she was willing to delve into “band life”. She isn’t exactly the type to handle attention well, nor share her performances with a crowd too big to fit on the couch. She’d rather leave that to the girls; but something is giving her a nagging hunch that soon, she might be roped into not having a choice.
“Here’s what I’ve got,” Sohyun tosses her notebook to Nien, who almost trips over herself as she catches it. “But I need a break. I think my brain’s going to melt into a puddle of rhymes.”
Seoyeon chuckles as she settles into one of their armchairs and cups her mug with both hands. “Take it before Naky and ‘Tone arrive,” she blows on her hot chocolate, “You know what they’re like.”
Yes, Sohyun does. The guitarist and drummer are rather high energy as a pair, and it’s only enabled whenever Nien is in their vicinity. Seoyeon often ends up having to wrangle them all into a quiet state while Sohyun watches it all from the corner, a content smile on her face. Sure, it’s a little overwhelming, and sometimes after band hangouts she finds her ears ringing, but she wouldn’t trade it for the world. None of her other friends know she’s practically a ghostwriter for one of Modu Arts University’s most popular bands. It’s the perfect little secret.
Nien perches on the cushioned arm of the chair Seoyeon’s sitting in, scanning through the lines on the page. Seoyeon takes a sip of her drink before glancing up at Nien.
“Babe, you know how you just love me so much?”
“...What is it?”
Seoyeon’s eyes curve into crescents as her smile widens, purposefully sweet. “Can you grab some marshmallows from the kitchen, please?”
Nien sighs, although the grin on her lips betrays her. She closes Sohyun’s notebook and places it on the coffee table before leaving the living room.
Sohyun doesn't mind third wheeling her friends. The three had planned to houseshare this year anyway; it's just that Nien and Seoyeon began to date along the way. It's sweet, really, watching them get to finally live under the same roof.
She just wishes Xinyu had joined them, too.
Xinyu and Nien were roommates last year, and became the best of friends because of it. However, after a one night trip, Nien decided she could not share a bathroom with someone who had as long a morning routine as Xinyu, and so the two decided that they would not house together (their university-provided dorms had blessed them with en suites). Sohyun supposes it’s best this way, though, to avoid an early death via spontaneous heart failure caused by catching Xinyu at just the wrong (or right) time.
It’s a bit of a loud secret among her friends that Sohyun has the most cliche schoolgirl crush on Zhou Xinyu one could imagine - and considering Nien’s love for borderline-matchmaking, Sohyun is at least glad this arrangement means she doesn’t have to live with that as often as she would otherwise.
Then, Sohyun jolts at a sudden voice.
“The main acts have arrived!”
An oddly bubbly Nakyoung bursts through the door, her usual lazy, mumbling cadence of speech absent. Following her, Kotone’s face is stuck somewhere between a grin and a grimace as she rolls her shoulder.
“Yo,” Nien greets casually, returning from the kitchen with a bag of jumbo marshmallows. “Fashionably late.”
“Yeah, sorry. Last rehearsal before dress rehearsal, so Jiwoo really wanted to iron out some details.” Kotone palms her neck with a wince, “I already know I’m gonna be a crumple of aches tomorrow.”
“Ah, Kim Jiwoo… she’s insane,” Nakoung sighs, dramatically flopping onto the couch and letting her legs swing. “Ace of Streetdance Society, dance captain… she makes me look complacent in comparison,” the girl says jokingly.
A snort from Seoyeon, who’s dropping marshmallows into her steaming drink. “Maybe you need to step up your game and take some initiative, Naky. You’re a dance captain too, have some backbone!”
“I take dancing seriously! I just… wasn’t exactly built for leadership.”
“Doesn’t help that Kaede can’t stop ogling at Shion, and Yubin can’t stop encouraging it,” Kotone sits on the other end of the couch from Nakyoung. “I think she and one of her friends have a bet on who’ll confess first. Lee Jiwoo from Acting Soc.”
“Those two are always up to some shit,” Nien chimes in, “Xinyu said that Yubin loves to tag along with Jiwoo and distract her when they’re running lines.”
“Ooh! Is that hot chocolate?”
“We’ve been here five minutes and you just noticed? Naky-idiot.”
“Kotone-fag–”
“Ahem,” Seoyeon clears her throat, “So, have we got a set for the Christmas showcase? It’s a month away, and if we want to debut any originals, we should get practicing soon.”
Having been lulled into security by the surge of chaos brought in by Nakyoung and Kotone, Sohyun feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand and drag her back out of it, seeing Nien out of the corner of her eye, slowly turning her head towards her. A sly grin slowly spreads across her lips, and a deep sense of dread fills Sohyun’s stomach. Few things exhilarate Nien more than meddling, and when she wants to, the universe seems to make it impossible to avoid.
“Speaking of the Christmas showcase,” Nien begins, a hand briefly touching Seoyeon’s arm as an apology for interrupting. “We still don’t have a bassist.”
Sohyun feels eight eyes on her, and it clicks. Oh, fuck no.
“I- uh- me?”
“You! Why not?” Nien’s jovial tone makes Sohyun’s primal fear feel even more visceral. Nien must take joy in her suffering, she thinks. It’s like that time she lied about being unable to help Xinyu with a self-tape, shoving introvert final boss Sohyun into the fray, sentenced to reading a romance scene with her literal crush/friend.
“W-well, I mean,” Sohyun tugs at the collar of her sweater, “I have to focus on writing lyrics! And LitSoc is busy right now.”
“Don’t lie to my face, man, everyone knows how ahead of society stuff you are. And you and I both know you can do both!”
Sohyun should know better than to plead for help from the rest of the band members, but she tries anyway, at least with her eyes. Seoyeon can’t stop silently laughing into her palm, while Kotone shrugs.
“You’re a good bassist. You can handle it.”
“I’ve never even played for anyone apart from my family and you guys!”
“Exactly!” Nakyoung insists after a large gulp of hot chocolate, “It’s about time for your talent to be discovered!”
Her last hope. Seoyeon finally calms down enough to speak.
“I’d say that’s sorted, then, don’t you think?”
Fuck Nien and whatever her plan is this time. December is going to be a living hell.
===
Swallowed by the shadows of the stage’s wings, Xinyu’s heart bursts with nothing but light. She actively has to tilt her head back and blink rapidly, fanning herself to avoid ruining her makeup. She has no clue why Lily was so nervous - there isn’t a single soul on the MAU campus who would’ve been a better Elphaba. This is without a doubt her proudest moment yet as president of the Musical Theatre Society.
Her first production, all hers to direct, and it couldn’t have gone any better.
Love for her cast, her crew, her friends; it thrums beneath her skin in pulsating waves, an exhilarating buzz bubbling at the surface, as the curtains draw shut and the whole theatre erupts in applause. Chaeyeon’s got a surprisingly iron grip on her shoulders as she shakes them, pursing her lips presumably for the reason Xinyu is dabbing at the corners of her eyes.
The curtains open and it’s dazzling, whistles and shouts for friends and family bouncing around the relatively small space as each cast member takes their bows. Xinyu is barely able to make it through her speech, the past two nights of laughter and tears, the past three months of blood and sweat starting to catch up to her. What pushes her through, what rises against the tears threatening to spill, is the realisation that blooms throughout her chest as the curtains close for the final time that night.
“You’re happy.”
Sohyun mutters it, just discernable, sitting on the floor of the dressing room and looking at the picture she took of Xinyu before her bow. Her eyes hold galaxies, as if the shooting stars she’d wished upon as a child had visited to personally grant Xinyu her reward. Although, if you asked Sohyun, she’d say Xinyu is the one responsible, not some balls of gas far, far away.
It’s like a song, the way Xinyu sighs, honey in its texture and warmth in its heaviness. A release.
“I am,” she smiles down at Sohyun from her vanity chair, ignoring the stutter of her heart as the other girl returns the gesture before turning back to her phone, continuing to scroll through the photos. “It took years to get to this point, but…” Xinyu’s gaze stays glued to Sohyun, a subconscious thing now. “I know what I love now.”
“I’m glad,” if sincerity could kill, Xinyu’s body would have turned to ash by now. Sohyun stands up, stuffs her hands into the pockets of her coat. “Ready to go?”
Xinyu steps into Sohyun’s car and it’s really nothing - but still something she would have only daydreamed of a year ago.
As one might expect, MTS and ActingSoc are very interconnected; threads of the same yarn, if you will. Xinyu has a hard time remembering who’s a member of which; which is fair considering she’s only been at MAU for three months.
The Fall Mixer certainly doesn’t help.
Amidst collaborating on shows and workshops, the two societies also host their fair share of socials together, encouraging mingling. The first big one of the year, the Fall Mixer, takes place in one of the university’s larger event spaces, and is just a fancy name for a big party. Coloured lights sprawl across black walls and tinsel, music physically infusing into the space as the bass of some 2000s pop song thumps into the hardwood floor.
When Xinyu steps in, heels clicking, any fear that she’d overdressed subsides. As they’d arrived late (Lily has a habit of turning getting-ready sessions into concerts, which Xinyu is not immune to joining in on and Nien has no problem enabling), there’s already a sizable crowd in attendance. Not enough to be claustrophobic, but enough to force her to crane her neck to see the other side of the room. Of course, Xinyu towers over most of the crowd - especially in heels - giving her a great vantage point from which to judge everyone’s outfits.
Judge might be the wrong word. People can dress however they want! She just won’t be talking to any guys in skinny jeans and striped polo shirts tonight.
Apart from the usual cishet male “fashion”, the general vibe is formal and rather glamorous. Her light pink dress with its short skirt and simple shoulder straps might even look plain were it not for Xinyu’s favourite part of the garment: tulips reaching up its left side, embroidered in shimmering gold thread, so thin it might be missed under the wrong light. It glints under the multicoloured party lights, which continue to glide smoothly across the fabric’s matte surface, and even Lily is staring at her.
“Hey, stop that,” Xinyu chuckles, slinging an arm around the (much) shorter girl’s shoulders. “People might think we’re dating or something.”
Lily scoffs and motions to Xinyu’s physical affection.
“Can friends not be clingy?”
“They can!” Lily rolls her eyes, “Just don’t act like that would help us look platonic.”
“Hmm. People are close minded. Anyway, stop staring at me. You’re beautiful too, and if you don’t quit it, you might miss out on meeting another beautiful girl!”
They begin to move into the room, walking around its edges, not yet venturing into the middle where people are dancing and singing. Lily looks to the floor as Xinyu’s hand slips back to meet her other, holding her purse with both.
“I’m not planning on meeting anyone new tonight.”
Wait.
“...You already like someone, don’t you?”
Lily’s head whips upward. “You’re actually terrifying– I mean, um. No.”
Xinyu raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “Right… well, I’m gonna go grab us some drinks. Please try to talk to people.”
Being a society event, the student’s union rules that they can’t serve alcohol - most people in attendance have already pregamed, passing the time until they grow bored of the sobriety creeping back up their necks and evacuate to an officially-unofficial afterparty. Xinyu wades through the mass of people, some faces familiar, some new. All of them blur past in her peripheral, cloth and limbs brushing her skin as she pushes until she reaches the drinks table. It’s fruit juice and soda, but still plenty to combat the initial thirst and bumbling around aimlessly that usually comes with these kinds of events. Xinyu might be a certified party-goer, but even a professional needs to situate themselves.
A cup in each hand, Xinyu turns away from the cloth-laden table only to see Lily smiling and talking to a girl just a little shorter than her, with short, black hair. Contrasting Lily’s white and gold, the other girl is clad in a sleek black dress, silver accents and dark boots up to her knees. Her hand is on Lily’s forearm, and a sigh of relief leaves Xinyu’s nostrils. She just hopes Lily manages to pick up at least one of the dozen hints the girl is clearly giving her.
“You don’t have to do that.”
Xinyu turns to her left to see a girl, long black hair and a matching dress, a dark red ribbon tied into her hair. The moles on her face form an entrancing constellation, her sharp eyes making Xinyu feel oddly exposed.
More strangely, she’s not opposed to it.
“Excuse me?”
The girl nods at her hands, “Two cups. You can just refill one.”
Xinyu chuckles, shaking her head, “Oh, no, see one was meant for my friend. But, um…” she looks back at where Lily is - or was. Seems her and the dark-haired girl have disappeared somewhere. Leaving not even ten minutes after arriving is a bit much, but hey, who is Xinyu to ruin her friend’s fun? Seems like Lily cared more about this girl than the party at large anyway.
“She’s busy?”
“Yeah,” Xinyu’s gaze returns to the girl next to her, “Wherever she is. You want it?” She holds out a cup, and the girl graciously accepts.
“Why thank you…?”
“Xinyu. Zhou Xinyu, MTS.”
“Park Sohyun, LitSoc.”
Sohyun has a way about her. She’s got a deep voice and a memorable face, and a gentle demeanour that only spells out danger for Xinyu’s heart.
“LitSoc?” the taller girl tilts her head.
“Oh, yeah. I’m technically a plus one,” Sohyun smiles down at the floor briefly, bashful. “Yooyeon from ActingSoc invited me.”
Xinyu mouths an ‘ahh’. “So why are you alone? I mean - not that you can’t be,” she quickly corrects, “Just, like, most people tend to stick with their friends.”
“She’s got a cold right now. Honestly, she might be lying so she can hide in her room and play games, but either way, I thought it’d be a waste not to turn up.”
A hum. Xinyu’s heart is almost jumping out of her chest with how much she wants to know Sohyun, and the girl’s mysterious image isn’t helping at all. Xinyu wants to memorise her like a book, and she doesn’t even like reading. Luckily, the current situation presents her with an obvious in.
“Well, let’s say my friends and I invite you out with us sometime. Would you show up to that, too?”
Xinyu is stupid, because she’s smooth, but Sohyun is smoother - and it seems like she doesn’t even realise. She narrows her eyes slightly, the corner of her lip curling upward, and she’s officially got Xinyu hook, line and sinker.
“For you? Sure. Why not?”
All Xinyu can do is swallow hard and pray her eyes aren’t shaking.
===
A week into December, and something is wrong.
Every Thursday, Xinyu and Sohyun meet up for coffee to talk about their assignments and before taking turns debriefing each other on the stuff that they actually care about. Society activities, rumoured drama in their classes (Xinyu’s forte), books they’ve read recently (definitely Sohyun’s forte), anything that comes to mind. Today, though, Sohyun is late. She hasn’t even messaged Xinyu. All the girl can do is wait and wonder.
She supposes something’s been off with Sohyun since the start of the week, now she thinks about it.
Monday had been quite normal, save for Sohyun checking her phone a couple more times than usual.
Tuesday was peculiar to say the least. Xinyu had messaged Sohyun asking to call - she could have just asked a classmate for advice on her essay, but, well, Sohyun’s part of LitSoc, and also very nice to listen to. Sohyun had replied with an apology, explaining that she was out at the time and couldn’t pick up. That was weird.
Sohyun doesn’t go on nights out. The one time she did, it was Xinyu’s idea.
Wednesday is when Xinyu started speculating that Sohyun might actually be lying to her. Xinyu had run into Sohyun in the corridor between lectures and they’d stopped for a quick chat. Nothing out of the ordinary, until Xinyu pointed out the notebook nestled under Sohyun’s arm. Normally, Sohyun might hug it to her chest and explain, maybe bashfully show Xinyu a page or two while averting her eyes. But on Wednesday, she hadn’t done any of that. She’d stiffly cleared her throat, stuttered something about scrapbooking and briskly excused herself.
Now that was complete and utter bullshit. Xinyu’s seen Sohyun’s scrapbook - they’ve scrapbooked together a few times - and it looks completely different to the small, slim one she’d had tucked under her arm yesterday.
All that has started to loom over Xinyu as she looks out of the cafe window, her mug empty after having been downed in one go out of anxiety. Just as she’s about to message, the bell jingles, and Sohyun bursts through the door, breaths heavy and eyes frantic. Her shoulders relax as her gaze finds Xinyu, and she quickly makes her way over.
“I’m so, so sorry I’m late,” she rambles, shrugging off her coat and plopping into the seat opposite Xinyu. “I forgot I had an assignment due.”
Xinyu sits, fiddling with her teaspoon and puffing her cheeks. She feels her lips start to pout before she can stop herself. “You couldn’t have done that afterwards? I’ve been here for forty minutes.”
Sohyun sighs, brows furrowing above thick-rimmed glasses. “I wanted it done so I wouldn’t be thinking about it while I was out… but I should have messaged you,” she rests a tentative hand on Xinyu’s, forcing it to still. “I’m really sorry.”
Zhou Xinyu is not a pushover. When something’s made her unhappy, she’ll let the world know. Right now, she swears on her life that she wants to ask Sohyun straight-up: what are you hiding from me? Sohyun is a bad liar and Xinyu is incredibly attentive to detail. But Sohyun also has a smile that could melt ice, and Xinyu decides that maybe she can leave her doubt unresolved for now if it means seeing that instead of the guilt-ridden frown currently on Sohyun’s features.
“It’s okay,” Xinyu concedes, “Thanks for apologising. You’ve been busy lately, huh?”
“Yeah, you can say that,” Sohyun answers, that adorable antsy smile on her face, and Xinyu concludes that further questioning can wait. “Well, you’ve been waiting here for half an hour. How’re you?” The shorter girl leans forward, lacing her hands together and resting her chin atop them.
That was a close one, she thinks as Xinyu begins to relay her week, and Sohyun’s heart finally starts to unclench.
===
Two weeks left until the showcase, and Sohyun has a problem. Okay, she has quite a few, but the one pressing her brain against her skull right now is the original song Assemble are currently practicing feels… wrong.
Don’t get her wrong, it sounds great! Nakyoung’s dexterous fingers are playing like the guitar line was built into her bones, Seoyeon knows just when to pull her voice back and when to push it forward, and in general all the parts are moving as they should. Sohyun’s grateful that she’s metaphorically bashing her head in to the soundtrack of her band (she still isn’t used to calling them that). It’s just that the lyrics - her main contribution aside from the bass - just aren’t hitting. It’s not like they sound clunky, especially when Seoyeon is singing them, but when Sohyun is plucking at her bass it just feels like something is missing. It feels like she’s performing about something far, far away. Her heart’s not in it.
And, of course, Seoyeon notices. Nakyoung is occupied trying to sneak peeks of Kotone’s phone screen, yelping accusations that the drummer is smitten with some girl named ‘Jiyeon’. Nien’s not exactly part of the altercation, but her phone is filming and she’s snickering, so she’s not exactly trying to get them back on track either. This leaves Seoyeon to finish her sip of water and float her gaze over to Sohyun, whose fingers are on the fretboard, but whose mind is evidently somewhere else. The vocalist strolls over, gently leaning her back against one of the large amps.
“Something’s up,” she says. Sohyun almost has the gall to be offended that she could tell so easily.
“It’s fine,” Sohyun mumbles, averting her eyes and trying her best to look as engrossed in her bass as possible. Which is apparently not at all if Seoyeon’s unimpressed face is any indicator.
“C’mon. I know Nien’s kind of forced you here, but you don’t have to be here if you don’t want to.”
“No, it’s cool, I’m happy to be here. You guys are actually really helping my confidence,” Sohyun rests her bass vertically against a small amp, running a gentle hand along its neck before continuing. “It’s just… the lyrics. They don’t feel right yet, and I have no idea what could fix that. We don’t have much time, either.” The bassist sinks into herself, “This never happens.”
“I’m jealous. I get stuck all the time,” Seoyeon folds her arms and draws in a big breath. “Either way, you’re Park Sohyun. I’m sure the solution will come to you,” she glances at the clock on the wall, then turns to Sohyun, “Didn’t you say you had to leave early?”
Sohyun’s eyes follow Seoyeon’s, and she sees the time.
“Oh shit, I gotta shoot off,” with practiced speed, she packs her bass and cable into their case before zipping it up and slinging a strap onto her shoulder. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” she calls behind her, hastily slipping through the door before the others can even begin to say goodbye.
Sohyun knows she’s been treating Xinyu unfairly. Her schedule is two, almost three times busier than it was, a combination of the usual ramping up of work in second-year and having to practice with and write for Assemble almost everyday to have something ready in time for the showcase. They’ve finally managed to schedule a (not) date to the botanical gardens, and after cancelling on Xinyu so many times over the past couple of weeks, Sohyun simply cannot let anything go wrong today. She owes Xinyu that much, if not more.
As soon as Sohyun steps out of the building, she’s hit with a barrage of rain. Whatever. Karma, she supposes, as she pockets her glasses. She shields her eyes and grits her teeth before speedwalking to the place where she had agreed to meet Xinyu.
A minute or so into her walk, the rain immediately above her suddenly sounds muffled, a shadow casting onto her figure. Her head whips around until her sight lands on Xinyu standing just behind her, holding an umbrella over the two. Sohyun finds herself frozen in place by the other girl’s fox eyes staring down at her.
“Hey,” she chirps, definitely pretending to be oblivious to their sudden close proximity. Sohyun has to remember how to balance.
“Hi,” she replies less than gracefully. “...How long have you been following me?”
“I saw you walk out of the building and decided to surprise you,” Xinyu shrugs, then loops Sohyun’s arm around hers. With the umbrella just covering both of them, she tugs and starts walking the pair to the bus stop. Sohyun barely has time to breathe before the taller girl continues. “What have you been up to today?”
“Working on an assignment. It’s kicking my ass.” Technically not a lie if you think about it.
“Music production must be tough,” Xinyu sounds earnest, but Sohyun can’t help but be anxious that she’s seen through her already. “You always have an assignment to be working on these days.”
“I mean, it’s not like the workload is unmanageable,” Sohyun is quick to backstep, “It’s just, you know me. I’m too much of a perfectionist to resist spending double the time on anything than I should.”
“Yeah, and you’re too much of a perfectionist to put anything down for your favourite, most beautiful friend,” Xinyu bats her eyelashes down at Sohyun, who rolls her eyes playfully.
“Come on, you know that’s a lie,” she chuckles, “You’re not my favourite.”
Xinyu gasps, even halting in her tracks to clutch her hypothetical pearls. “You take that back right now.”
Sohyun is weak-hearted. “Fine… even though you knew that one was a lie, too.”
They continue walking as Xinyu continues to pout. “Say it then.”
“Say what?” Sohyun tilts her head. Xinyu can be whiney, but usually lets go much earlier than this. Has Sohyun’s new schedule really affected her that much?
Xinyu puffs her cheeks. “You care about me more than a stupid assignment.”
Sohyun lets out a sigh, electing to hold back on teasing for now. Having been good friends for a year, she now knows when Xinyu is genuinely upset, even if it’s only a little and covered up by heinous overacting. She pats Xinyu’s upper arm with her free one, pulling her lips into a small smile and looking up. The taller girl really is beautiful, even with a frost-nipped nose and angrily puffed cheeks and wind blowing her hair into her eyes. Even to a backdrop of miserable grey clouds and relentless rain. It’s pretty obvious, Sohyun thinks, but it slips out anyway.
“I care about you more than anything.”
Xinyu’s eyes widen just a smidge, barely perceptible, before her features fall into something more cunning. Sohyun’s really gone and dug her own grave this time. At least she can see a light dusting of blush on Xinyu’s cheeks.
“Wow. I never asked you to profess your undying love for me, but thank you,” they arrive at the bus stop, huddling under the shelter. Xinyu closes her umbrella and shakes it out as much as she can. “You’re cool too, I guess.”
Sohyun removes her arm from Xinyu’s so she can give the girl a lighthearted shove. “You’re impossible.”
Xinyu might also be the solution to Sohyun’s problem. If there’s anyone she could write about for pages on end, it would be Xinyu. The thought nestles itself into the back of Sohyun’s head for the entire (not) date, the lyricist making extra effort to commit every scene to memory, for both the band and for personal purposes. There’s one image that, for some unknown reason, seems to stick out among the rest.
Xinyu’s tall, slender frame is bundled under a dark brown coat, a thick layer of wool peeking out of the collar and sleeves. Her boots clack along the path as she walks, and Sohyun finds herself trailing behind, mesmerised by the sight. Long, black hair sways with each step, and Sohyun almost doesn’t want Xinyu to turn around, because she knows she’ll be done for. Although, to be real, she was done for long before today. The taller girl crouches at another tulip, tilting the plant with delicate fingers.
“They’ll be so pretty in the spring,” she comments hopefully, smiling down at the green stem like it could smile back. “What colours do tulips usually bloom into?”
Sohyun hums, hand over her mouth to obscure her biting her lip. It feels like Xinyu’s eyes are piercing right through her chest, her heart clenching around a phantom blade.
“Depends on the type - people have gotten them to sprout all sorts of colours now.”
“Hmm,” Xinyu narrows her eyes, resting her chin on her knuckles, “I bet black tulips would be gorgeous.”
Sohyun shudders as she exhales. “It’s a shame no one’s grown them yet.”
Xinyu tilts her head down at the bud-less stem before rising back to full height and looking at Sohyun. Her head lolls back with an ease only Xinyu could carry. It’s like she knows what she’s doing to Sohyun, and is cruel enough to pretend not to notice.
“Shame. But who knows? Maybe we’ll see one here one day.”
Spending time with Xinyu has always been relaxing, but when Sohyun gets back home, she only offers Seoyeon and Nien a brief mumbled greeting before booking it upstairs to her room and lunging for her notebook. She’s not even shrugged off her damp jacket when she scribbles onto the first available page she sees, her hand seemingly moving of its own accord.
la tulipe noire.
===
Call her childish, but Xinyu misses Sohyun.
She misses grabbing coffee together after evening lectures, always trying to squeeze out all the minutes they can from the cafe and having to book it to the bus stop, more often than not ending up stuck there until the next bus, leaving another hour for directionless conversation. She misses watching the sky go from blue to indigo, the stark cold of the metal bench quelled by Sohyun’s warmth next to her until the indigo turns to black and Sohyun goes home. She misses Sohyun’s voice, which used to fill her days, and now can only be caught once or twice a week if at all. She misses how it praised her achievements and dulled her anxieties, and she misses Sohyun’s sharp eyes that would wear down and become round at the corners if Xinyu caught her at just the right moment. The constellations through her window pale in comparison to the ones on Sohyun’s skin.
It was already bad enough that what she hoped would be a silly schoolgirl crush wasn’t just refusing to fade away, but was only growing more and more intense. Then Sohyun was avoiding her, and no matter how she tried to respect Sohyun’s boundaries and time, Xinyu couldn’t find anything to soothe the emptiness that, by the three-week mark, is showing no signs of leaving and bleeding into her day-to-day.
When it got to the point of Chaeyeon having to snap her fingers in front of Xinyu’s face during a MTS committee meeting, she knew she had to do something about it. Of course she respects Sohyun’s privacy - she knows she’s not owed anything - but that doesn’t change how she’s feeling. And, at the end of the day, if Xinyu is unhappy, she will let it be known. Even if it’s because of her favourite person.
The route to Sohyun’s house is familiar. It’s not just Sohyun’s house, but Nien’s too - Xinyu and her best friend have already had their fair share of memorable evenings and nights there, less than halfway into the lease. Wouldn’t you know it, it also turns out to be her best friend who opens the door.
“Xinyu?”
Nien sounds weirdly stiff, but Xinyu did also just show up unannounced. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume she’d just interrupted her mid-task. Xinyu makes a mental note to apologise to Nien for this afterwards.
“Is Sohyun here?” Xinyu asks, craning her neck to try and see past Nien, but to no avail. Whatever she can see is empty. “I need to talk to her.”
“Uh, yeah, yeah, she’s here,” Nien briefly rubs the back of her neck before motioning for Xinyu to step inside and closing the door. “Sohyun!” she calls.
There’s rapid footsteps thumping down the stairs, and then Sohyun is face-to-face with Xinyu, and it looks like the blood has drained from her body. Xinyu folds her arms, taking a harsh, heavy breath before briskly walking past Sohyun and towards the stairs. If she looks Sohyun in the eye too long, she might just back out. She can barely even register Nien frozen where she stands, nails digging into her palms.
“I need to talk to you,” she mutters as she passes, but Sohyun hears her loud and clear. She resists turning around when she hears Sohyun’s footsteps following her. Despite the semester starting not all that long ago, she knows the layout of the house and therefore how to get to Sohyun’s room like the back of her hand. Although, this is the first time it hasn’t made her feel light and warm upon entry.
The soft click of the door closing sends a churning sensation through Xinyu’s stomach, but she has no choice but to push past it. She turns fully to see Sohyun looking the most scared she’s ever seen her. God, this feels awful.
“You’re avoiding me,” she manages, her grip on her forearm tightening.
“Xinyu, we’ve talked about this already,” Sohyun is already growing smaller by the second, unable to look up. “I’m just busy.”
“Are you?” Xinyu can quickly feel her stomach go from churning to boiling. “You’ve been busy before, and it’s never meant flaking on me for weeks straight.”
“We went out last week.”
“Yeah, and that’s the only time you’ve been able to pay me any attention in the last three weeks. Three weeks, Sohyun!” Xinyu hesitates, pulls her limbs back from stepping forward to clutch Sohyun in her arms and not let go. Her nails dig deeper into her arms instead. “Why can’t you tell me what’s going on? Why can’t we go back to how we used to be?”
Sohyun swallows sharply. “Xinyu, I promise, we’ll be back to normal soon. I just need more time–”
“More time ignoring me?”
“I’m not ignoring you at all–”
“I’m right here, in front of you, and you’re still avoiding my question–”
“Well maybe my life doesn’t revolve around you!”
The air goes frigid. Silence swirls around the two, until it swells and engulfs the space between them, almost thick enough to suffocate. Xinyu feels hot pinpricks at the corners of her eyes. A deep pit suddenly caves inside Sohyun’s chest.
“No, wait, I didn’t mean that–”
“I don’t care what this is about, Sohyun. I just want you to stop hiding from me,” the taller girl violently rubs her nose with her sleeve before stepping towards the door, giving Sohyun a wide berth as she passes. “When you’re ready to talk like an adult, message me.”
With that, Xinyu is booking it down the stairs and through the front door, ignoring a guilt-ridden Nien and a confused Seoyeon as she zips past. She watches Xinyu storm down the road, then slowly turns back towards Nien as she closes the door behind her.
“What was that about?”
Nien brings a hand to cover her mouth, uncharacteristically quiet when she says, “I think I fucked up.”
===
It’s been three days. Sohyun can’t do this anymore.
Maybe she deserves a taste of her own medicine, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. Xinyu hasn’t messaged her at all, and despite their lectures being in the same building, they haven’t run into each other once since Xinyu showed up at Sohyun’s house and showed her the consequences of her actions. The tinsel and fairylights aren’t doing much to lighten the mood anymore.
Sohyun has always had the tendency to retreat from the outside world when she’s overwhelmed. More specifically, she slinks back to the safe haven that is her desk and notebook - usually it works, but obviously going to what is essentially the reason for her predicament has cancelled out any comfort Sohyun was hoping to feel.
Still, it’s all she’s ever known to do: spill out whatever she can’t say onto pages and into notes until it becomes a secret in a bubble, tied off with a bow. She’s been doing it her whole life, and she’s kind of needed to for nearly a month now. Old habits die hard, as they say.
At least the lyrics are coming together. If Sohyun thinks of the last time things felt normal between them, she might finally finish the song.
But that’s the thing. It doesn’t feel right to ignore what’s happening between them right now.
Especially when it’s Sohyun’s fault.
She lets her pen fall onto the page and roll to a stop, taking one long look at her ceiling before standing and heading downstairs. Seoyeon’s out with Kotone right now, which leaves Nien in the living room, her narrowed eyes darting between two instant noodle cups. She takes note of Sohyun’s soft footstep at the end of the stairs and blinks herself out of her focused trance.
“Oh, hey. Can I ask you something while you’re here?”
Sohyun stares blankly for a second. “Uh, sure.”
Nien leans down this time, her nose an inch from each cup and she looks between them, chin in hand.
“Which of these do you reckon has more mushrooms?”
…
“What?”
Nien perks up slightly in confusion. “Is neither giving more mushroom vibes to you?”
Sohyun may have known Nien for over a year now, but there is still so, so much about her housemate that remains an utter mystery.
“Um. Well, I wanted to ask you something too, so… if you help me first, I’ll help you.”
Nien’s face scrunches up, her shoulders rising before it all dissipates with a loud sigh. “Fine. But make it quick,” she shuffles to the side and pats the spot on the couch next to her, “I’m hungry.”
After settling on the couch, Sohyun takes a couple of seconds to find the words. Nien sits patiently, and her prolonged eye contact somehow doesn’t crawl on Sohyun’s skin. She’s always been good at listening without pressure. Sohyun clasps her hands together.
“It’s Xinyu. I… I fucked up.”
Nien’s brows furrow, and Sohyun can see all the pretense and teasing drain from her body. The guitarist pivots a little more towards Sohyun.
“What do you mean? I mean, things seemed tense the other day, but, y’know. I didn’t wanna pry.”
“Yeah, no worries,” Sohyun rubs the back of her neck, “I, uh. It’s the band. She sort of doesn’t know I’m with you guys.”
“Wait, you haven’t told her?”
“Clearly not. I’m surprised you haven’t.”
Something between a scoff and a chuckle leaves Nien’s lips. “You were already antsy about joining us. You’re, like, the most private person any of us know. We figured it should be your choice who finds out.”
Sohyun hums. “Is it possible I made the wrong choice?”
Nien’s head tilts, brows furrowing. “What did she say to you?”
“She’s upset that I’m hiding from her. Not telling her the truth,” Sohyun’s nails dig into her palm, “She was shouting and starting to cry and I– I panicked and–”
“You said something you regret.”
Sohyun feels the lump rise in her throat, the heat beginning to sting behind her eyes. She squeezes them shut, her head hanging.
“Yeah.”
“Well, you know what you need to do now, don’t you?”
A sigh. “Apologise. I know, I should, she deserves that much.”
“...But…?”
“Does she even want that? Should I wait for her to message me first, for her to be ready?”
“No offense, but if you wait that long, you might crumble and die.”
Sohyun forces herself to look at Nien, swallowing whatever is about to spill. “What?”
Nien scratches the back of her head, “She’s at an improv workshop in the next city over. She won’t be back until–”
“Until the showcase.”
Sohyun’s gaze drifts away, to the coffee table in front of them, the two noodle cups still sat there. A spark lights in her head. It’s definitely doable. Maybe she’s being dramatic about it, but knowing her, if she doesn’t do this, Sohyun won’t be able to focus at all. Maybe Xinyu will see how much she cares, in her own way, if she can overcome all the nerves and fear for her in front of everyone.
“Thanks, Nien,” Sohyun shoots to her feet, basically sprinting up the stairs. “Eat the one on the right!” she calls behind her before slamming her door shut.
===
Xinyu and Lily speedwalk from the bus stop, trying to get to the MTS stall as quickly as possible. They said they’d catch up with Chaeyeon and help her out before the showcase starts - the fair will certainly take a backseat once it begins. But Lily still isn’t good at getting ready quickly, and Xinyu still isn’t good at hiding her emotions.
“Are you okay?” Lily asks, “You’ve been excited for the fair and the showcase all semester, but you’re so quiet. Last year you were bouncing around the dorm and putting Christmas hats on all of us.”
Xinyu keeps her eyes straight ahead. “It’s nothing,” she grumbles. Lily laughs.
“Sohyun didn’t message you while you were away,” they turn a corner, the bustling fair with all of its stalls and the stage at the end coming into view. “That’s it, right?”
For a good several seconds, there’s no response. Then, “It’s whatever. If she’s not ready to talk, I won’t make her.”
They approach their stall, Chaeyeon waving at them, wearing the same elf hat she wore last year. Pushing through an opening in the crowd, they finally reach the open area just in front of the MTS stall.
Lily looks at Xinyu as they come to a stop, briefly considering it before saying, “Y’know, Haewon said she saw–”
“Hey guys!” Chaeyeon greets loudly, interrupting whatever Lily was going to say. The latter decides to shelve it for now. “You’re late.”
“Sorry, that’s on me,” Lily replies sheepishly, “You know me.”
Chaeyeon waves a dismissive hand, “Don’t worry about it, I can handle myself! I had Sullin helping me for a few hours, but I told her to go enjoy the fair.”
Xinyu raises a brow, “Why is your Korean student here?”
Chaeyeon shrugs, “She wanted to come and I said it’d be good Korean practice. Oh, actually, Lily, two of your friends came by earlier.”
“Haewon and Yoona talked to you?”
Xinyu almost has to hold back a barking laugh. Chaeyeon didn’t mention any names whatsoever.
“Yeah, they were asking where you were.”
Lily cartoonishly points to herself, her head jutting forward and her eyes widening. “Me?”
Her ears quickly become tinged with red, her cough followed by a shaky, “I see,” doing nothing to cover up how much this information has… excited her? Flustered her, maybe?
Xinyu concludes that she might have some gay shit going on, but at least it’s not two of them. If there were two Sohyuns, Xinyu would probably just accept her early death.
“Speaking of those two,” Lily hastily continues in a shoddy attempt to move the attention off of her, “The showcase should be starting soon, right?”
Xinyu pulls out her phone, “Yeah, in about twenty minutes.” She stares at her phone screen for a second more. If the universe were to be kind to her right now, maybe she could just will a text from Sohyun into existence.
Unfortunately, the universe is testing her.
With whatever her situation is refusing to resolve, the least Xinyu can do is have fun with her friends and enjoy some performances from other students. She pockets her phone.
“How about we find a spot before it gets too crowded?”
Chaeyeon hums, “Looks like people are already gathering. Sure,” she briskly walks around the stall and joins the other two in front, “Let’s go!”
===
“It’s fucking freezing,” Nakyoung mutters between chattering teeth.
Kotone peers over her shoulder, “The stage lights will be warm. Plus, you jump all over the place when you play. You’ll be fine.”
Nakyoung smirks, “Don’t worry, I won’t walk in front of you so Jiyeon gets a good view the whole time.”
Kotone shoves Nakyoung into the black curtain.
At least things are as usual between the two. Sohyun and Seoyeon are huddled together, running over Sohyun’s finished lyrics one more time.
“Are you sure they’re good?”
“They’re great,” Seoyeon smiles wide, laughing giddily through her words, “I told you you’d figure it out.”
“Yeah,” Sohyun pockets her notebook in her leather jacket, “Thanks. I have someone else I need to thank after this, too.”
A stage tech student dressed in all black pokes their head into the wings, clutching a clipboard to their chest. “Alright, we’re all good to go! Soundcheck went smoothly for you guys this morning, right?”
Seoyeon shifts her attention to the tech student and nods at them. “Yeah, all good!” Then she turns to Nien.
“Ready?”
“I’m always ready to play with you,” Nien gives her a peck on the forehead, her arm loosely slung around her shoulders. She beckons for the rest of the girls to huddle together.
“I know I say this every time we play somewhere, but thank you guys. Seriously,” her eyes find Sohyun’s, whose lips curl upward in response. “None of this would be possible without you all.”
“Alright, enough sappy shit,” Seoyeon nudges her girlfriend playfully before stretching her hand into the middle of the circle, the rest following. “Let’s have some fun out there. Go Assemble!”
“GO ASSEMBLE!”
It’s warmer, now that Xinyu and the others are near the stage, surrounded by a chattering crowd of students, at least half of which are probably tipsy at this point. She can still see her breath in the air, but she’s sure the music will have her forgetting all about it any minute now. She’ll forget about the cold, forget about her assignments, forget about–
“Sohyun?”
The name leaves her lips before the sight truly settles in. What the fuck is Sohyun doing on stage? She’s been so busy lately, how did she even have time to… oh.
This is what she was hiding.
There’s so many thoughts and feelings swirling around in Xinyu’s body, she can’t even move. All she can do is stare, stunned, at the girl who she’s always known to be a private homebody; who is now plugging her bass in on stage in front of at least a hundred people and wearing a cropped leather jacket, a white skirt and chunky knee-high boots Xinyu concludes she must have borrowed.
Part of her remembers she’s supposed to be mad at Sohyun right now. Another part knows it’d be unfair on the rest of Assemble, which is made up of some of her closest friends, to one member of the band ruin her enjoyment of their set.
The final part is wondering if Sohyun did her makeup differently.
But the confidence she seems to carry herself with, the way her fingers dance along the fretboard when they start playing, the way the music appears to move through her - none of that can be drawn out with eyeliner.
Lily is standing right next to Xinyu, and the latter remembers why everyone calls the former sunshine personified. Her energy is infectious, leaving no room for resistance when the girl starts cheering and singing along to the song they’re covering.
“They’re always so good!” Lily shouts, just enough to be heard over the bass - Sohyun’s bass - and the general chatter around them. “You didn’t know Sohyun joined them?”
“Obviously not!” Xinyu replies, almost laughing at how ridiculous she must sound. How did she not realise sooner? It’s not like this solves the issue, but in all honesty, she’d been frightened of the worst.
That Sohyun wasn’t just retreating, but retreating from her. That, unbeknownst to herself, Xinyu had done something wrong.
Now she knows she hasn’t, the weight in her chest is starting to lift.
After thanking the crowd, the girls continue into the next few songs of their set, which are also, in Lily’s words, ‘absolute bangers’. For a moment, Xinyu really does forget about it all.
Except, of course, Sohyun, who not only looks phenomenal and is terrifyingly talented, but keeps looking at Xinyu every time the latter glances her way.
There’s a lot of things written into Sohyun’s eyes each time Xinyu catches her. Remorse. Longing. Something not quite readable. All Xinyu knows is they’re gorgeous, and Sohyun looks especially charismatic when she’s doing backing vocals, and maybe, just maybe, Xinyu feels a little wanted for the first time since their date.
When their fourth song ends, Seoyeon rests her hand on her mic.
“Thank you guys so much,” she says, pausing when the crowd cheers again. “I hate to say this, but… the next song is our last one.”
A barrage of playful ‘aww’s and ‘boo’s erupts, bog standard for any gig. That doesn’t stop Xinyu and Lily from playing along, of course. Seoyeon chuckles.
“I know, I know. But since we have a bit of time left, I want someone to introduce this final song to you,” her hand stretches out to Sohyun, who does a tiny wave. “Sohyun here very kindly joined us so we’d have a bassist for the showcase, after helping us with lyrics for a while now. She also composed and wrote the song we’re about to play for you. Sohyun?”
“Yeah, uh, hey,” Sohyun wrings her hands together before wrapping one around the neck of her bass and resting the other on her mic. “I won’t lie, I’m really, really nervous right now. But I’m also having an awesome time, and I’m really hoping you guys enjoy this song.”
It may sound self-centered, but Xinyu swears Sohyun is looking right at her this whole time. Her body freezes yet again. She’s not even sure if she wants to, but she can’t even smile.
“I think, sometimes, we get lucky. You’re minding your own business, going about your life, and suddenly someone walks into it and takes it over. They nestle into your routine like they’ve always been part of it. They fill it with warmth, and joy, and they make you see things in ways you’d never even imagined.”
Sohyun’s unabashedly looking right at Xinyu now, her piercing eyes softening without trying to hide it this time. Her gaze feels like it’s cradling Xinyu’s heart, tracing its grooves with reverent apologies. She’s got a feeling that Sohyun has done what she always does best:
Write it all down.
“I… made a stupid mistake with one of those people. I accidentally pushed them away, and it made me realise just how important they are to me. It was eating me up inside, what I did, and while it would be totally fair if they think I’m too late… I hope they can hear me out. Because sometimes,” Sohyun takes a deep breath, “We’re not hiding anything. Sometimes we’re just a little stupid.”
She leans into her mic, her lips curling into a small, timid smile. If Xinyu could hear her thoughts over the pounding of her heart, they’d be some sort of comment on how adorable that smile is.
“Thank you all for having us tonight. This is la tulipe noire.”
The song starts solely with the bassline, because of course it does. Xinyu is nothing short of mesmerised, as she has been for the entire set. It’s no wonder why.
Sohyun looks incredible, her bass is like an extension of her body at this point. The rest of the girls join her, Kotone playing the drums with drum brushes to create a soft, warm foundation, Nien and Nakyoung’s guitars clean and sparkling, the lead dancing above the rhythm and painting the song with vibrant colour. Xinyu almost can’t believe Sohyun composed all this.
But, then again, it is all so Sohyun. It feels like chatting with her in the cafe after a day of lectures. Xinyu can smell the coffee, hear the soft chatter of the other customers.
And, of course, beneath Seoyeon’s resonant voice she can hear Sohyun’s, rich and warm; and with the way Sohyun is looking back, Xinyu thinks it’d be safe to say that, really, it’s only for the two of them to hear.
The lyrics certainly are.
Let’s make the impossible possible
You’ve shown me the sun I didn’t know existed
Let’s bloom together
I’ll open my heart to you
My black tulip
…
“...inyu. Xinyu. Xinyu!”
She blinks. Her head turns vacantly to the side, where Lily is violently shaking her arm, her face rife with disbelief.
“Don’t just stand there! The set’s been over for five minutes!”
“...What?”
Lily rolls her eyes. Very shocking for a girl who can’t even say ‘fart’.
“Go get her!”
Suddenly, Xinyu is being shoved, and before she knows it she’s weaving her way to the edge of the crowd and around to the back of the stage.
Her face is tingling and everything around her is muffled. To be quite frank, there’s not much of anything going on in her mind or body except find Sohyun, find Sohyun. Don’t let her go again.
She reaches the makeshift green room, a mobile classroom no bigger than a large caravan. She barely registers the other girl standing outside. Before she can knock, the door bursts open, Kotone urgently stepping out and almost crashing into Xinyu on the way out.
“Jiyeon, sorry for making you wai– oh. Hey.”
“...Hey?” Xinyu now realises she has no plan.
Kotone jabs her thumb behind her, “Sohyun’s in there,” she walks up to the other girl (presumably Jiyeon), giving a side hug and a grin before turning back to Xinyu, “Alone.”
Xinyu is unsure why Kotone made the last addition, but she’s silently thankful as she hears her and Jiyeon walk away. She might be MTS’ shining beacon of confidence, but even she would rather die than have someone else listen to what she’s about to say - whatever that is.
She steps in, and there she is. Sohyun, zipping up her bass case. As difficult as it is, Xinyu cannot spend another second marvelling at Sohyun’s sweat-slicked neck, her hair falling into her face. Nope. If there were ever a time to focus, it’d be now.
“Sohyun.”
Sohyun’s lips part slightly, a barely audible exhale leaving them. “Xinyu. You came here.”
It’s all too much. The speech was too sweet, the song was too sweet, Sohyun is too sweet. Xinyu steps forward before the sirens in her head get the chance to ring.
“Promise me you’ll never hide from me like that again,” she says, butterflies fluttering around her stomach as Sohyun starts closing the distance between them too.
“I promise,” Sohyun replies, stopping a respectable distance away, hands in the pockets of her jacket. “I… I need you too much.”
Her eyes are on the floor, her shoulders shrinking into her body. Xinyu reaches out, cups her jaw and tilts it upward so she can look her in the eye when she says,
“I need you too.”
The hug is tight. Xinyu feels Sohyun’s arms around her waist, Sohyun’s heart beating against her own. She pulls Sohyun’s head closer to her, using one hand to gently stroke her hair. The girl in her arms melts into the embrace, and Xinyu melts too; and she knows, now and forever, that Sohyun is telling the truth.
Her heart is open for Xinyu, just as Xinyu’s always has been for her.