Work Text:
September 8th, 1985
Hi Mike,
I finally finished unpacking! I feel like I have been living out of boxes much longer than necessary, but unpacking was just so hard - too many memories were tucked into those boxes. When I was hanging my clothes I found one of your old sweaters mixed in with my stuff; you know that navy one with the big yellow paint stain on the sleeve that your mom told you to get rid of last spring? (Sorry again about dumping all that paint on one of your favourite sweaters). Well, I won’t get rid of it. I hung it in my closet and I’ll give it back next time I see you. I know how much you like it. It’s kind of nice to have a piece of you here in Lenora.
My new school is so much bigger than our school in Hawkins - nearly triple the size! I kept getting lost the first few days on the way to classes, but I think I’ve got the routine down now. Our science teacher here isn’t nearly as nice as Mr. Clarke. Yesterday I was thinking about that time that I got the flu last year and missed almost two weeks of classes. That first day I came back Mr. Clarke gave everyone a pop quiz and I didn’t know any of the answers. Remember how you let me copy off of your work so I didn’t fail? But instead we both failed because you had skipped too many days to hang out with me while I was sick and didn’t learn any of the course work either. I can’t believe you didn’t get the flu from me that time.
I hope that everything is well in Hawkins and that you’re actually learning the class material now that I’m not around to distract you!
Talk soon,
Will
P.S. I’m not sure if El has sent you our phone number
here in Lenora yet, but it’s: 805-457-2207
September 23rd, 1985
Hi Mike,
Does Nancy bother you about my brother as much as he bothers me about her? I know he misses her, but I’m getting a little tired of him moping around about it. At least he’s made a new friend recently so he’s not home as often to bug me about it.
I finally got around to decorating my room here, but it could still use some finishing touches - it’s bigger than my room in Hawkins so there’s still lots of room on the walls for posters and stuff. I hung my Jaws poster and was thinking about how Jonathan let us watch that when we were way too young and I had nightmares for weeks that a shark was going to get me even though Hawkins isn’t anywhere near the ocean. Mom was so mad. Remember how I wouldn’t go swimming in the lake almost that entire summer until you went in first and splashed around to prove it was safe?
Anyway, I hope this letter finds you well and that I’ll hear from you soon,
Will
(UNSENT)
October 4th, 1985
Dear Will,
I’m sorry that I haven’t written sooner - I haven’t been sure what to say or how to say it. It’s not the same without you here. Nothing feels important without you here. Everything feels too important without you here. Everyone misses you, I miss you. The Party isn’t the same without you.
Dustin has spent the last two weeks trying to convince me and Lucas to join a new DnD group; Hellfire Club. They even have matching shirts - how silly is that? It’s run by some super senior I’d never heard of before. I reluctantly agreed and our first campaign is tonight. They seem alright, I guess, but it’s not our Party. I know when you moved that you said you wouldn’t join another Party except ours, but my one condition for joining Hellfire was that when you come to visit you have a place in our campaigns; if you want it. An honorary member, if you will.
Sometimes I still forget that you’re gone. I biked past your old house the other day and started to turn up the driveway so we could read my new comics together, but then I remembered you aren’t there anymore. I miss sharing my comics with you. I miss you. Remember that time when we were nine or ten and I dropped my brand new X-Men comic in that puddle the moment that we left the store? You took it home and spent days trying to dry it out for me. I had almost forgotten about it when you brought it back to my house. You had spent so much time meticulously re-drawing all the spots with water damage for me. You made that comic so much cooler with your drawings. You are the most talented person I know, Will. I still have that comic tucked away, I don’t know that I’ll ever get rid of it. The only comic that I never let Lucas or Dustin borrow.
I hope that you are doing well, and that the weather in Lenora is better than here (I’m sure it is). Are you still coming here for Christmas this year? I hope so. Maybe you can stay through the New Year?
Love,
Mike
October 10th, 1985
Mike,
Dustin told me in his last letter that you’ve all joined a new DnD Party, Hellfire Club. He says that the new DM is almost as good as you. I don’t know that I believe him; you’ll always be #1 in my books!
I can’t believe how warm it still is here; I do not miss the fall chill. I miss the leaves changing colours though. I think California has one season: HOT.
I haven’t really been painting or sketching since moving here, even though there are so many new things here to use for inspiration. I just haven’t been inspired the way I always was in Hawkins. El says that I’ll find it in me again soon to start back up, but I’m not sure.
I hope you’re getting my letters - I know you’re getting El’s because you write back to her. Maybe mine are getting lost in the mail?
- Will
October 18th, 1985
Dear Will,
Sorry that I haven’t written to you yet, time has managed to get away from me with school and everything. When I’ve tried to call, your phone line has been busy, but I’m sure I haven’t typed the number wrong.
Dustin is right, we did join a new DnD Party. It’s pretty fun, but it’s not the same as our campaigns in my basement. The DM, Eddie, is pretty intense sometimes. It’s weird making new memories that you aren’t part of. Do you play DnD with your new friends? I know you said that you’d never join another Party, but I don’t know how serious you were being when you said that.
I remember in your letter from last month you said you found my favourite sweater in your stuff from moving, which is funny because I was looking for it just the day before I got that letter in the mail. I’m glad that it’s with you in Lenora and not lost forever. Don’t worry about bringing it with you at Christmas when you come to visit (you’re still coming, right?), you can keep it if you want - it always fit you better anyway. That’s how it got that paint stain in the first place! Remember how cold it was that day in Castle Byers? But you refused to go home until you got the yellow of the sun just right so I loaned you that sweater and you immediately squirted the entire tube of paint down the sleeve? It wasn’t my favourite until that happened.
I hope that California stays warm enough all year round to keep the chill out. I know how you hate the cold.
- Mike
P.S. Holly made me attach one of her drawings to this letter
for you - she said that she misses drawing with you.
P.P.S. I’ve also sent you a really nice red leaf that I
saw the other day on the front lawn, it made me think of
you and I know you’re missing the changing leaves.
October 31st, 1985
Dear Mike,
Happy Halloween! Hope you guys get up to all sorts of fun tonight! I hope you traded all your Three Musketeers with Dustin for something better. Yuck!
It’s been kinda hard this time of year without you or the Party. The distance from Hawkins helps so I don’t feel as claustrophobic as I used to, but I honestly didn’t expect to feel quite so…I’m not sure - affected? Which is silly, I know, considering everything that happened. I thought Lenora would help me feel more removed, maybe, but it hasn’t. It’s just made it harder because I feel like I’m doing it all alone this year. I know I still have my mom, El, and Jonathan; it’s just not the same without you. I never want to worry them - I don’t want them to treat me like I’m a freak, you know? I guess it’s not so bad, at least it’s still sunny and hot every day.
I hope everyone is in better spirits in Hawkins than I am here. I hope everything is okay with you?
Write soon,
Will
(UNSENT)
November 6th, 1985
Dear Mike,
It was really nice to talk to you on the phone tonight. I’ve missed your voice. I’m really grateful that you remembered the date today and called.
When we were talking I remembered something from last year when I was possessed when everything went down. The memory is kind of fuzzy because - well obviously - but I remember how bright the lights were in the shed, and how you asked me if I remembered the first day that we ever met. I do remember. How could I ever forget? You walked up to me on the swing set and asked if I wanted to be your friend. I didn’t even have to say anything (I didn’t talk much back then), I just nodded and you hopped onto the swing beside me and that was it. I’m so grateful that you asked, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Thank you for being my best friend, Mike.
Love,
Will
(UNSENT)
November 6th, 1985
Dear Will,
Writing to El feels so easy. Why is it so hard to write to you?
Tonight when we talked on the phone I was thinking about the first time we met, do you remember that? Do you remember me telling you about it last year, in the shed? I wouldn’t fault you if you don’t. It was the first day of kindergarten, you were on the swings by yourself. I was so scared to be there; I didn’t know anyone, but I saw you swinging by yourself and I just walked up and asked if you wanted to be friends. You said yes, and the rest is history. We spent every day together after that. We were inseparable. It was the best thing that I have ever done in my entire life. I think about that day all the time. I think about you all the time.
Do you remember how shy you used to be? How you barely ever said a word that first year we were friends? We had a silent language that was just our own. I knew how you were feeling and what you were thinking by the look in your eyes, by the set of your shoulders. The first time you ever came to my house for dinner my mom made shepard’s pie. I could tell by the way that you picked at it that you didn’t like peas, but you would never ever say that - you rarely said anything when it wasn’t just the two of us. So I picked all the peas off my own plate and swapped it with yours when mom got up to get another drink. The look in your eyes when you realized what I had done was addicting.
Anyway, I hope that everything gets better for you now that the anniversary is over for another year. Maybe next year we can spend it together. I hope that you find real happiness in Lenora. I hope we can talk on the phone again soon, I miss your voice. I just really miss you, Will.
Love,
Mike
November 20th, 1985
Mike,
I’m not sure that El has told you yet, but we can’t come for Christmas this year; Mom says she can’t afford to fly us out to Hawkins. I told her that I’ve been saving my money to help pay for a ticket, but it’s still not enough to cover the cost. I think we should stay here anyway and celebrate as a family since it’s our first Christmas in Lenora. Maybe we can come for spring break in March? I hope so, I miss you terribly.
I’ll be sure to write again before Christmas,
Will
December 16th, 1985
Mike,
Merry Christmas! Please wish your family happy holidays from me and my family.
School has been kicking my butt lately, I really think that the curriculum is more difficult here than it is in Hawkins. I have so many projects to complete before we are off for Christmas break; I’m up to my neck in research and textbooks! I hope that you aren’t drowning in school work and that you can enjoy the holiday season!
I’ll miss the annual Sinclair holiday party, that’s for sure! I wish you could steal me some of Mrs. Sinclair’s sugar cookies and mail them to me; I’ve been thinking about them all week. I don’t have much to say, just wanted to write before Christmas is truly upon us.
I’ll miss you at Christmas this year,
Will
(UNSENT)
December 20th, 1985
Dear Will,
The holiday season really sucks without you here. It’s the start of winter break tomorrow, but I’m not looking forward to it now that you aren’t coming to visit. I don’t remember the last time that we spent a Christmas apart. It doesn’t feel right without you here.
I really hope that you like the Christmas gift that I sent. I remembered that in October you said you hadn’t been drawing or painting, so I got you some new supplies that I hope will help get you inspired to start again. I always liked watching you draw, I think it might be one of the things I miss most about you being gone. That’s not true, there are too many things that I miss about you not being here to list properly. Can you believe that Holly helped me pick out your gift? She really misses you - she’s always liked you more than me or Nancy anyway.
I know I should have sent this earlier, but it took me a while to get some of the stuff that I wanted to send. I hope you’ll at least get it before the New Year.
Merry Christmas, Will.
Love,
Mike
December 20th, 1985
Dear Will,
I hope that you and your family have a nice Christmas, please wish your mom and brother a Merry Christmas from me. My mom says “hi” too. It’s going to be weird this year not spending at least part of Christmas together, I’m not sure that I remember the last time I spent one without you. Lucas’ family are having their annual Christmas party tomorrow night, and everyone is going, but I think I’m going to stay home - I’m not really in the festive mood this year.
It’s too bad that you and El couldn’t come here for the holidays, but hopefully you can both come for the spring break in March instead.
I hope you like the gift that I sent, and that it inspires you to start painting again.
- Mike
January 1st, 1986
Dear Mike,
Happy New Year! The clocks just ticked over here a few minutes ago.
I got your gifts in the mail the other day and wanted to thank you for how thoughtful they were. I’ve already tried out the new paints, and with this letter I’m sending you the first drawing I did in the sketch book you sent. The drawing is of the most beautiful sunset from two nights ago - it reminded me of you. I hope you like it! I really think that I’m beginning to feel inspired again.
I hope that you and your family had a good Christmas and that you and the Party did something fun for New Years Eve. We just hung out and watched movies here, but it was nice none the less.
I’ll write again soon,
Will
January 29th, 1986
Mike,
I haven’t heard from you since just after Christmas, I hope that everything is okay? I know you’re still around because El has gotten two letters from you this month. Did I do something wrong? I hope everything is alright there.
We just got our big project for the semester where we have to present our “historical hero”, and I’m really stuck on who I want to pick. I’ve got a couple good options I’m debating, but I haven’t settled on anyone specific yet.
Not much else going on here these days; still sunny as ever here.
Hope I hear from you soon,
Will
(UNSENT)
February 14th, 1986
Dear Will,
I’m sure El has already told you that I’m coming to visit next month for spring break. I should land in the morning on the 22nd if everything goes to plan. I can’t wait to see you.
I can’t wait for you two to show me around Lenora and all the cool hang out spots. El mentioned lunch with some of her friends? Maybe you already have plans for spring break with some of your new friends, in which case El will just have to show me around without you, I guess. That would be a bummer though, I’m really looking forward to spending time with you.
Honestly, we could just hole up in your new room and do nothing for the time that I’m there and that would be the best way to spend my visit. I’m just really excited to see you. This is by far the longest that we have ever gone without seeing each other and I don’t know how I’ve managed the last six months without you.
Is there anything from Hawkins that you’re missing that I should bring with me?
See you next month.
Love,
Mike
February 26th, 1986
Mike,
El tells me that you are coming to visit for Spring Break instead of us coming to you. We probably should have thought about that for Christmas!
I still haven’t heard from you since before the new year. I can’t help but think that you’re mad at me or something? Maybe you’ve just been too busy to write to me.
I’ve been painting more…
Anyway, I’ll see you next month when you get here.
Until then,
Will
March 20th, 1986
Dear Will,
I know that I come to see you for Spring Break in just two days and that this letter likely won’t make it to you until after I come back home (which is probably for the best, honestly), but I felt like I needed to write you anyway. I’ve been thinking a lot the past month. I’ve been thinking a lot since you left in August. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around why it’s so hard to write to you, and why it’s so easy to write to El.
Growing up is really confusing, and when you pair it with the mess that we have had to deal with since we were twelve it gets even harder. I’ve been thinking a lot about all the shitty things that I’ve said to you over the years, and all the horrible ways that I’ve treated you. I’m really sorry, Will. I think I was scared. Scared of so much. That’s not an excuse for the way I’ve treated you.
You have always been a fixture in my life, I barely remember a time before you were around, and honestly I don’t want to. You have always been the steady and sure presence by my side, the presence that I would burn cities down to keep. Since you left for Lenora I’ve felt lost, like I’m floating away from everything here in Hawkins. I don’t know how to be me without you. And that scares me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what that means, and for a long time I thought that it’s just because you’re my best friend. Now though, I wonder if it’s something else. I still don’t quite know that I’ve figured it all out yet, but I know that you hold so much of my heart that it can’t simply be just that. You have always consumed so much of my being, and I never noticed until you moved away. You still consume so much of me, but now it’s noticeable because you aren’t right here beside me. Why do you still consume me when you aren’t even here?
I think that it’s so hard to write to you because when I’m faced with this empty page, I am faced with everything that has been boiling under the surface for years; all the things I never said (all the things that I didn’t know needed to be said). It’s easier to play pretend when you’re here beside me, when I’m not missing you, and I don’t have to fill the empty space on the page.
Like I said, I’m not sure that I’ve completely figured it all out yet, but I feel like I can’t keep it to myself anymore. I probably won't even send this letter, it’ll probably end up with all the others I have hidden under my bed that I never sent.
I hope you aren’t upset with me for this, Will.
Love your Paladin,
Mike