Chapter Text
He had been this way since he was born, Regulus thought. It was his curse. He could never let himself be loved.
His brother was different, he loved too deeply. He threw himself in front of the people he cared about to take any blow that might come, and never regretted it once. Regulus regretted love the second it started to crawl its way up his throat. It choked him, just to say the words. And god damnit he knew that, he knew that before he started any of this. He should have known better.
But James… James didn’t love like him, and he didn’t love like Sirius. He loved so easily, like breathing. He would find Regulus in the library and sit by him while he studied for hours, tolerating the library’s ‘no talking’ policy just to be in his presence. He bought high protein granola bars on trips to Hogsmead just to have something to slip into Regulus’s bag when he passed him between first and second class after he noticed he frequently would not attend breakfast. He found him in the astronomy tower on difficult nights like tonight, standing beside him at first, then holding his hand, then holding him, when Regulus would let him. For all his talking James loved silently, easily, in a way that was fucking terrifying to Regulus. Which was probably why Regulus began shouting.
“You can’t do this! I can’t do this, not- not anymore. I need you to stop!” They had met again in the astronomy tower and Regulus had let James kiss him before either of them said anything. But when they pulled back James looked at him so gently, so intensely, Regulus had to physically push him back.
“What do you mean?” James asked, clearly confused and hurt. Regulus turned away from him so he couldn’t see the tears welling up in his eyes. It needed to stop, Regulus knew that, but that didn’t make it any easier. He harshly wiped at his cheek as he stared out at the dark grounds.
“Trouble is brewing. My parents are watching me closer than ever, especially with,” He hesitated, “with me being their heir now. I can’t get caught snogging a blood traitor, and you don’t want to know what they’d do to you if we were.” James stepped forward to stand beside him, looking determinedly at Regulus.
“I’m not afraid of them.”
“Well you should be!” Regulus crossed his arms and glared at James, the idiot. They stared at each other for a minute before James leaned down and kissed him again. Against his better judgement, Regulus let him.
James’ hands found his waist and Regulus tangled his fingers in James’ hair as he stepped forwards to lean Regulus gently against the wall. His hand came up to Regulus’ jaw to tilt his head and deepen the kiss, Regulus moaned softly into his mouth. He could feel his resolve crumbling at their closeness, his anger melted by the warmth in his chest and the words clawing their way up his throat. When James pulled back Regulus was breathless, staring up at him with a more honest expression on his face.
“Come home with me.” James’ voice was rough and even without the emotionally charged request it would have left Regulus weak at the knees.
“You know I can’t,” He weakly protested but James leaned even closer to him and looked at him with that stupid, honest, lovesick look that has been driving Regulus crazy.
“You can, you know you can. I can’t stand this, Regulus, seeing you so unhappy, so afraid. It’s not healthy, and I can’t-” He blinks back tears, his thumb caressing Regulus’ cheek, and stares right into his eyes. “I can’t keep watching you hurt like this. Please, baby, please,” He squeezed Regulus’ hip with his other hand, “Please come home with me.”
And yes Regulus was cursed, and no he was not convinced he deserved this man, but oh did he want him. All he wanted was to deserve James, to break his curse, to tell him he would go home with him for the summer as long as he never, ever had to leave.
Instead he swallowed down the words and leaned up to press one more quick kiss to James’ lips. “I’ll think about it.” Was all he could offer, before he pushed past James and started down the stairs out of the tower.