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The rain hit her back, each drop bleeding into her clothing and catching on her hair as she marched forward. It was almost soothing to her, walking out late at night with no protection from the weather. She knows she will hate herself later, but for now she basked in that feeling of peace.
“KIM NAKYOUNG!”
Oh for fucks sake.
She didn’t dare turn around. Her jaw clenched as she pushed herself to walk faster, but that familiar voice just became louder and louder.
Before she knew it, the rain stopped.
“Quit it.” Nakyoung said as she pushed the umbrella that shielded her away. “I don’t need your help right now. I’m fine.” She kept her head forward, knowing that if she looked to her side her hardened facade could crumble.
The other woman attempted to hold the umbrella over Nakyoung’s head again, only to be rejected with a handwave. “It’s a little cold out tonight.”
Nakyoung didn’t answer. Refused to.
“You’re going to get sick.”
Nakyoung turned to her with a look of disdain, but seeing her face made her freeze for one, unnoticeable moment, just to whip her head forward again. Her voice held less command. “Dahyun, stop.”
Dahyun huffed as she jogged to catch up to Nakyoung, “You never even told me what was wrong. Just picked up your bags and left. You’re just not going to talk to me?”
“Because you set such a perfect precedent for that, sure. Just leave me alone.”
Her brows furrowed, “You’re acting like a child.”
Nakyoung sighed, “Whatever.”
Dahyun had enough, speeding up just enough to stand in front of the other girl, holding her gaze which was surprisingly enough to stop her in her tracks. “Seriously. What is wrong with you?”
“You don’t care.”
“Of course I care. Just tell me.”
“You’re not listening to me. You don’t care at all. You say you do but you never have.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That look you gave Seoyeon when she asked if we were dating earlier. I saw you texting her just now, too. Why is the idea of us being a thing a joke to you?” There was a hurt in her voice that couldn’t be ignored.
“Nakyoung you know I didn’t mean it like that. And well, we aren’t dating. Did you want me to lie?” Dahyun held a confused look, “What’s the issue?”
“I want us to be together, Dahyun. Is that not obvious?” The confession slipped out of her mouth before she could even think, the frustration breaking past any sort of sense or reasoning. It was too late to take it back, too far gone.
She paused, the sound of rain is all that was audible between the two.
Dahyun blinked, her mouth was slightly agape, not entirely surprised at the confession, but more caught off guard. She scrambled for anything to say in return, “It’s just not that simple for me.”
“Why not?” She took a breath, feeling tears brimming in her eyes, “I wish I could wait for you longer but it’s unbearable.”
Dahyun’s heart ached seeing the other girl’s expression, hearing the desperation in her voice. It felt like second nature to extend her hands out and cup her cheeks. Nakyoung’s hand reflexively reached up to hold Dahyun’s. The street light cast a delicate warm light over the both of them, and the rain was just chilly enough for them to move just that little bit closer.
Dahyun studied the other girl’s face, her gaze lingering too long on her lips. She wanted to lean in. It wouldn’t be the first time. But when she looked back up and saw the tears falling from her eyes she was brought back to reality.
“I just need time.”
The warmth of Dahyun’s hands left her cheeks, and Nakyoung felt frozen, watching Dahyun turn around and walk away. The rain clouded her eyes but she couldn’t blink. The only reason she knew she was crying was the red hot stain of her tears running down her cheeks.
“Dahyun.” No answer.
“Dahyun!” She paused in her steps.
“Dahyun, please.” She turned around.
Nakyoung approached, just enough to make sure she would be heard. “I’m in love with you. All I want is to be with you. I want to be your girlfriend so badly, but if you leave now, I don’t think I can do this thing. Whatever we're doing now, it has to stop.”
Dahyun couldn’t move. She didn’t know what to do. Her first thought was to run to Nakyoung, shove herself into the other’s arms, but there was that voice in the back of her head telling her to wait. To think. To guard herself.
It shouldn’t be so hard.
Nakyoung approached, surprising Dahyun but she stayed right where she was, not sure what the other was going to do.
“I’ve held your hand, I’ve slept in your bed, You kiss me like I’m yours. What is this to you?”
Dahyun looked away, “That’s not fair.”
“No, not fair is you pulling away from me every time it gets serious.” Nakyoung wiped her eyes, the raindrops replacing her tears. “I want you to be sure of me.”
The rain beat between them, Dahyun’s hands flexed at her sides, as if she was restraining herself. “Do you really believe I haven’t thought of it? It’s just hard cause I just–” She cut herself off, jaw clenching.
“Just what?”
“I was scared things would change between us. I thought this was all you wanted so I just became okay with it.”
“But I want so much more.”
Nakyoung reached out, her hands hesitated, careful to allow Dahyun to pull away.
She didn’t.
Their foreheads pressed together, the rain dripping between them.
Nakyoung’s voice was barely audible, “I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t continue like this.”
“I’m sorry Nakyoung. For everything.”
Nakyoung held her head up, backing up just to get a good look of Dahyun’s expression, searching for answers. “Is that just it? You’re giving up?”
“No! No. I’m still trying to think.”
“There’s only so much more thinking I can handle, Dahyun.”
By now their hair and clothes were drenched, the umbrella was closed at Dahyun’s side, long forgotten, now useless.
“Can we talk about it back at my place? Not out here?”
“I’m sorry. I need an answer now.”
The air seemed to thicken around them, the ultimatum heavy on Dahyun’s shoulders. She searched her mind, knowing this was the one and only opportunity to be with her.
“I was never unsure about you.” Dahyun said quietly, “I wasn’t sure about myself. I didn’t know if I could be what you want, what you deserve.” Her fingers tightened around the umbrella, “I hated the idea of me messing up.” She continued, “But I already think about you all the time. I get jealous.” Dahyun took a deep breath, slowly letting it out, “I already love you.”
“You do?”
Dahyun nodded.
Nakyoung searched her face for any hesitation, any doubt with anything she just said. There was none.
“You’re serious?”
“I want to be with you, Nakyoung.”
Nakyoung leaned forward, careful to let her pull back, to say no if she wanted to, but seeing no hesitation on her other girl’s face she leaned in. It wasn’t their first, but this felt deeper, more personal. Their lips met with purpose as if they were confirming that this whole conversation was real– that them being together was real.
As they pulled apart, Dahyun slightly opened her mouth, hesitating but the words quietly spilled from her mouth:
“Will you be my girlfriend?”
Something in Nakyoung broke. She let out a small, disbelieving laugh that turned into a sob as she grabbed onto Dahyun’s jacket. “You are so annoying.” She said into her shoulder.
Dahyun let out a breath that nearly sounded like a laugh, “What’s that for?!” She let the umbrella slip out of her hand, wrapping her arms around Nakyoung. “Answer my question.”
“Yes, of course yes.” Nakyoung pulled back with teary eyes, “You really thought you weren't good enough when you’re all I’ve wanted since I saw you?”
“How was I supposed to know that?!”
“It’s not like I was subtle.”
Dahyun leaned down to pick up the umbrella and nearly opened it out of habit but found that there was no point. Not like they would get any less drenched.
They detached just enough to be able to walk but stayed connected. The rain persisted, but rather than feeling like escaping it was just… rain.
Nakyoung looked down at her clothes and then back up at Dahyun. “Can I shower at your place?”
“You don’t have to ask.” Dahyun was about to say something else before an obnoxious ringtone began to play. She opened her umbrella and took her phone out, answering the call. Nakyoung listened in.
“Hey whats up… yeah I’m outside it’s raining… What am I doing?” She looked at Nakyoung, “I’m with Nakyoung, my girlfriend.”
There was no hesitation in her voice, no fear, and there was an uncontrollable smile that formed on Nakyoung’s face.
Dahyun hung up the phone and turned to her lover, entwining her arm with hers, walking back to her home.
The rain hit their backs, and there was a sense of peace that came with having each other, and the sound of the downpour.