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Defining a beginning isn’t easy. There is the fact that something has to happen that will continue to happen in one way or another. A follow up. Kevin Holmström doesn’t know if there will be a follow up, or if this will be a one time thing.
He is also far too excited to think about the future because the present is busy enough.
There is a bunch of people that want to see him and his friends sing. At least they signed up for it. At least they will be in the room as it happens. Or in reasonable distance to the stage. Because had the beginning been when they founded the band, when they became friends, when they were born? This does make this first gig just somewhat of a beginning. The beginning to having gigs.
It’s a first and Kevin cannot stop smiling about it. He’s been on the edge the entire week. Maybe even longer. They have rehearsed like crazy. In all honesty, they are good. Prepared. It isn’t their first time on a stage in general. Just the first as KAJ.
They are waiting to be called up.
Kevin grips the neck of his guitar. Jakob has been going to the bathroom for the hundredth time and Axel keeps tuning his bass.
They aren’t ready for what shall follow. They don’t know the path they will walk, the success they will earn, the hearts they will break and the lives they will change.
KAJ are living in the moment, sitting and smiling, joking and goofing around, trying to be calm.
They are in Norrvalla; about to perform the very first KAJ gig.
At least it will be if their lead singer will come out and walk with them on stage. And perhaps sing. Kevin is a little bit worried. Having a band in theory and actually playing, making music in front of people is very different. And everyone will be looking at his best fried. Axel and him will be at his sides, decoration with a silly hat.
Jakob will have to sing and it probably doesn’t make a difference to him, if there are three or twelve and a half thousand people watching.
“We should check on him”, Axel decides. Kevin nods silently. They put their instruments down, carefully because they don’t want to contribute to any of Jakob’s possible anxiety by breaking them, and get over to the bajamaja. It is a small cabin. Jakob has basically been unapproachable whenever he has come out.
Kevin knocks. “Jakob, are you in there?”
“Kevin? Sorry, is it time? I will be out in a second.”
“Are you okay?”
“More than okay. I am having the best day of my life, this is the start of something big, boys.”
The look Axel and Kevin throw each other isn’t even necessary, they know what the other is thinking regardless of expression.
“Jakob, can we come in?”
“What?”
“We know you’re not taking a piss man.”
The door unlocks and a Jakob with the palest face (not) under the sun opens the door.
Axel walks right past him and pulls Kevin inside as well. Jakob immediately locks the door.
The place is rather disgusting. The lid of the toilet is closed and Kevin doesn’t want to know what the liquid in that one corner is. He also finds himself pressed firmly against his friends. The group might be young but they are definitely of a certain size by now, adults in Kevin’s opinion. Though he has already figured that being an adult isn’t the best thing on earth there is.
Unless it’s being an adult with Jakob and Axel, that would work perhaps. He can see himself growing to like that feeling.
Axel finally lets go of his wrist and Kevin takes a closer look at Jakob. He looks like a ghost, see through. “Jakob, we don’t have to do that”, Kevin says slowly. Jakob has voiced his concerns subtly, trying not to give away what level his fear has reached. And Kevin hasn’t known how bad it is until now. But he doesn’t want to risk anything.
He’ll go out there with his chin up and declare their gig to be cancelled if that’s what Jakob needs. He’ll flip off anyone complaining.
“But I want to, we’ve always dreamed of it.”
Not always, Kevin not at least. He has dreamed of it, because Jakob has. Jakob has been dreaming to stand on a big stage, since he was young. Seeing the people look up to him, standing under the hot light and just embracing himself, letting go. Kevin wants this for him. And he has started to want it for himself too. Maybe it’s a nice feeling, to stand on there and be admired, just for who you are.
But Kevin doesn’t like to think far ahead. Not regarding unrealistic dreams at least.
“Then you need to do it”, Axel says. This is the Axel that has pushed them to behave at rehearsals, that has gotten them this gig, that has convinced every single one of their parents that this is a good idea. “If you want something, you need to do it.”
“But I am scared”, Jakob whispers. He is closest to the door, stares at them with sad puppy eyes and looks so unlike Jakob it is scary. Kevin doesn’t like this Jakob.
Axel tilts his head. He takes the last step, close to Jakob, ignores that Kevin is blocking the path to them and how close all of them are now, to grab Jakob’s face with both hands.
“I am scared too. Kevin is scared, I have never seen him nodding to himself this much. We can do it scared all three, together.”
There it is. Kevin can see it as clear as day. In Jakob’s bright blue eyes is this hint of a twinkle, of this fire. His enthusiasm. “Together…”
“Kevin and I won’t be going anywhere, you won’t be alone on stage, you won’t be alone at all. No matter what happens, if you have a voice crack when taking the microphone or pee your pants or hit Kevin in the face, we will be there with you.”
“Why would he—”
Axel shuts Kevin with a smirk before turning back to Jakob. “I am saying no matter what. We will stick together, we’re a trio. We’re KAJ.” KAJ doesn’t have a meaning to anyone else yet. Those three young boys in the bajamaja are the ones going to define it. “KAJ means Kevin, Axel and Jakob. That is us. We’re inseparable, you’re stuck with us now, Jakob. You won’t be able to get rid of us even if you tried, we will go through good and bad together.”
Is this perhaps the beginning of KAJ as one, rather than KAJ out of three?
There is a moment of hesitance where Axel’s eyes switch to Jakob’s forehead. Kevin wonders what he is asking himself. The three have a long time left to figure out what KAJ actually means. Not just to the world, but also to them. How inseparable they really are.
But there not there yet. So Axel just blushes and takes his hands from Jakob’s face. “Sorry, I was a bit dramatic.”
“No!”, Jakob says, almost calmly. “It was good.”
“Very inspiring.”
“Partly a spiritual experience.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“Jakob has colour in his face now at least”, Kevin dares to say which only makes his two friends blush more. “As much as I love you and all this, I’d rather leave this bajamaja.”
“Fair”, Axel scratches his neck and Kevin nods to himself. They should leave, they’ll have to go on stage soon.
Thinking of a way to not have the whole procedure start again in a few minutes, Kevin unlocks the door and grabs both Jakob’s and Axel’s wrists on the way out. He doesn’t let go while they walk over the grass patch and barely when they’re back in their little preparation room with their instruments. People can look and talk, Kevin won’t mind. They are KAJ now, will be established as such in a bit, so people should get used to only seeing them together as three.
Trio, do not separate.
But Kevin does let go when they’re back and finds the thought at the back of his mind that he hopes one day he won’t have to let go.
“Are you better now, Jakob?”
“Yeah. I have you.” Ja ha er.
“KAJ!”, someone yells from outside.“Ready?”
“Yes”, Axel yells back. Jakob already wants to go, finally taken again by the enthusiasm Kevin loves so much, but Axel pulls him back. “One last thing.” Axel clears his throat and sets his face to professionalism again.
He takes Kevin’s and Jakob’s hands, signals them to take each other’s hands as well and begins speaking.
It takes Kevin a moment to recognize the words before he starts talking alongside.
They will walk this path together.