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“What were you thinking?”
Onari flinched slightly at Javert’s tone. It wasn’t angry, but there was something accusatory in it nonetheless. The night was warm and quiet aside from the sound of cicadas and their voices. Onari stared up at the stars, wishing he was less foolish. “I had become desperate. We are running out of time.”
“You said that you believed in them,” Javert grumbled around another bite of the onigiri in his hand. Onari flinched again. “You said you believed in you.”
Weakly, Onari smiled, “Desperation makes fools of us all, I suppose.” Onari couldn’t look at Javert. He felt a bit like he had betrayed him. “I had just wanted to be useful. I thought that, perhaps, if I used the contacts myself I would better understand the way the functioned and what they were doing to people wearing them. If I understood that, I could explain to everyone.”
“It was stupid.” Javert hissed, focusing on the container of food, “It was stupid and dangerous. And then possessing the Prince…” Javert took a deep breath, “Did you really think that would work?”
Onari just shrugged, needing to think about it for a moment before giving a verbal response. “I do not know. It was an impulse. I just wanted, for once, to contribute. I wanted to do something with my own hands that helped Takeru.”
“You already got rid of one of his enemies.”
Onari looked over, watching as Javert set his half-eaten meal aside to stare out into the sky. Javert sat silently for several long moments, then exhaled impatiently as Onari gave no sign of understanding. “I intended to kill him, and you pulled me off of that path. Just you, by your own hand, with no other assistance.” Javert spoke firmly, trying and failing not to sound annoyed that Onari didn’t see it on his own, “You protected him from me, and you saved me. No one else did that. I don’t know if anyone else could have.”
Onari had to look away again, slouching, his shoulders dropping. He’d hardly thought about the implications of what he’d done for Javert. He’d never done it to try and protect Takeru, and had never realized it was one of the consequences of his actions. But now that Javert had said it, Onari realized how his ignorance of the scope of his actions would be hurtful to Javert.
Javert stuffed the rest of the onigiri into his mouth, “And what about you encouraging the science woman when she was doing that dance… thing… I doubt she would have gotten through that on her own.” He took one of the fried cutlets and bit into it. “And that dream nonsense. They needed you for that too. Not to mention the time I had to save you from recklessly running into a fight with Igor.” Javert watched a bird pass overhead. Large and black. It let out a loud, rattling cry. A second followed. Javert wondered what they were called. “...And you convinced me to live. Do you really think none of that matters?”
“I am sorry.” Onari replied softly, “You are right… Of course. Of course all of that matters.” Onari tried to keep his hands from shaking by balling them into fists on his lap. “...I was… just so afraid. Takeru has died three times. He was left in my care, and three times he has been taken from this world right before my eyes, and I could do nothing to stop it.” He bowed his head and closed his eyes tightly as he tried not to let his emotions get the better of him. He had to be strong for Javert. He had to be strong for Takeru. He had to be strong.
Onari opened his eyes, finding himself staring into black fabric. He shivered slightly against the contrast of the cool evening air and the warm body supporting him. He lifted his arms around Javert, tightly gripping the back of his coat as though everything might crumble away at a moment’s notice. With the way things were headed, that seemed likely.
A living body was chaos.
Javert could feel it as he held Onari to his chest, all of the chaos that had been so long buried under an exterior calm. He could feel Onari shaking and quickly breaking down against him into heavy sobs. What was the proper reaction? Javert couldn’t think of anything beyond just holding Onari tightly to his chest.
He barely heard the footsteps over Onari’s sobbing, and lifted his head to see Specter’s sister at the top of the steps. Even in the dimming evening, backlit by the light from inside the temple. Javert was aware of her concern for the monk in his arms. She watched for only a moment before smiling and giving a slight nod of her head before retreating back into the temple. Javert lowered his head again, refocusing his attention on the one who needed it. Onari had provided him with so much support, and now it was time to return it.
“I still believe in you.” Javert murmured. The only response he received was Onari clinging tighter to his coat. So he sat in silence, content to just offer his warmth as the air grew cooler around them until Onari grew quiet again.
Gently pulling away from Javert’s shoulder, Onari pulled a handkerchief from his sleeve and attempted to clean himself up. “I am sorry… For all of that… I am sorry that I made you worry, and that I did not consider your feelings and the effects of my actions. I hurt you with my carelessness and that is unacceptable.” Javert let Onari go, settling beside him again. He would need to get back to his camp soon before it got too dark. He was tempted to go inside again, but with the atmosphere of things Javert felt it was best to stay away for now. He didn’t want to over-complicate an already difficult time for Onari’s allies.
Javert stood, watching the first few stars appear. Onari stared up at his back. He seemed taller. Or maybe it was just that Onari felt very small. “Don’t do something reckless like that again. I don’t know if they could make it without you.” Javert said softly, “I know that I couldn’t.”
Javert didn’t wait for a response. Suddenly he was just a dark shape disappearing into the trees. Onari was still for a minute or so until a dim glow came from the area where Javert had disappeared to. He’d made it home safely. Onari smiled and wiped at his eyes again, hoping that he looked alright as he went inside to check on the others.