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You don't know what you're going to do.
You're scared, so scared. Jounouchi and Honda are tough, real manly men, and Ushio beat them up so easily. You don't have the money to pay him. You don't have the money to pay him and you're scared.
It's hard to feel the full extent of your joy at having finally completed the Puzzle, your treasure. Any other time and you would be ecstatic, rushing downstairs to show your grandpa and see how proud he is of you to have solved such an impossible thing.
You swear the Puzzle itself whispers its congratulations at having solved it after so many long years. The Puzzle has seemed to whisper many many nonsensical things at you over the years. You're pretty sure it's all in your head (but it's magic, so maybe…?) so you disregard it with ease of practice, thoughts instead consumed by worry over your predicament.
You hang the Puzzle around your neck and smile down at it absentmindedly, a quiet sense of wonder swirling through you at its completed glory. You might not be able to solve your problems with Ushio, but at least you have this Puzzle to show for it.
You swear you see the Puzzle start to glow…
Oh. You remember now. How could you ever forget? (Where did the memory come from in the first place?)
The Puzzle doesn't just grant the solver a wish. No, it also grants its holder great powers. And the simplest way to unleash it is with a game.
A grin splits your face. And oh, how you love games. This will be fun.
A plan takes shape in your mind, as easy as breathing. Oh, what a perfect plan! A way to use the man's greed against him, a fitting punishment! He brought this on himself the instant he used his position to exploit and hurt the people under his care, the instant he dared to hurt your friends.
How could you have ever been so scared? You hold a great and terrible power now. It is no longer the cowardly scum known as Ushio who holds the power. No, no…
He will see you as a weakling, easily overpowered. Your short stature and usual demeanor see to that. Oh, that underestimation will do you well. Appearances aren't everything, after all.
You let out a dark chuckle and move to put your plan into action.
Game… start.
You wake up with the strangest feeling that you won't have to worry about Ushio anymore. Instead, a giddy feeling rises in your chest, leaving you to feel as light as air as you skip to school.
Ushio lays in a pile of leaves in the front of the school, ranting and raving about money. You don't think he'll be in a state of mind to make good on his threat any time soon.
(Why does your memory flash briefly to the image of a knife? Why do you feel a sense of satisfaction at his current state? Why do you feel like he's acting like this because of you?)
And then Jounouchi greets you in the halls, and he…
Friendship…
Tears gather at the corner of your eyes as the biggest smile you feel you've ever had dawns on your face.
A friend, a real friend-!
The Puzzle really did grant your wish!
Your heart feels so full of joy it's like you might burst.
Your treasure… You owe so much to it.
You get in trouble again. You get punched. Jounouchi is quick to defend you, and you're so grateful, but it just gets him wrapped up in your mess. You've both been filmed without your consent, and you just know whatever they turn the footage into, it'll portray the two of you in a negative light…
Jounouchi gets hurt for you, and you're so scared, so angry, how could anyone decide beating up teenagers for a film was a good idea? They're hurting people, hurting your friend just because they think they can make a profit off of it-! How could anyone be so cruel? You just want to-
Your Puzzle glimmers as it reflects the sun, or maybe it glows on its own.
-You want to punish this director who thought he could get away with this. You want him to get a taste of his own medicine.
And you know just the thing.
Oh, but you'll have to be patient. There's still the rest of the school day to go, after all.
You blink, wondering when the film crew left. But that doesn't matter — your friend's hurt! You have to get the nurse-!
It's laughably easy to track down the director.
You were patient, finishing your homework and saying goodnight to Grandpa. It wouldn't do for him to worry about what you're up to, after all.
Once you're sure Grandpa's asleep, you snatch the object you'll need for this game and sneak out of the house. It was a simple task to make your way to the place you're sure to find your target — the office of the film crew.
You wait in the parking lot, hearing distant conversation.
Your target comes into view. The other person he was talking to waved goodbye and split off in a different direction. You wait until they're out of sight. You don't want them to be collateral damage, after all. You're just here for the one who dared to trespass on your soul, after all.
Go time.
Your grin widens as your prey spots you, deepens even further as you explain the rules of the game. You feel wild, unstoppable. You have a feeling there's an untamed look in your eyes. The grin stretching across your face feels unhinged enough to match.
Your heart beats faster, something in you excited by the thrill of the game, of outsmarting your opponent, of designing the perfect game.
As expected, the director's cruelty continues and he throws the die at your face. Also as planned, it breaks in half, guaranteeing your win. No matter what he rolled earlier, the die would always split along the faces that didn't contain 1 and 6, and would naturally fall so that the 1 and 6 were both face up. You were always going to win if he gave into his cruel nature.
(Of course, there was the non-zero chance that the dice wouldn't break, or would fall with the 1 and 6 face down, or inexplicably on one of the broken faces… But the much more likely event occurred, as he knew it would.)
(The die in question was one you have known about for a long time, an oddity your grandpa kept aside as he was unable to sell a cracked die. Perfect for your purposes.)
If he had simply played fairly, without resorting to violence, he would have won this game. But, no, that wasn't what happened.
He brought this on himself.
He deserves the punishment awaiting him.
The director screamed, falling to his knees and clutching his unseeing eyes.
You smirk and turn away. Your job here is done.
You wake up, and just like before, you have a feeling that you don't have to worry about the film footage anymore.
You have no proof of it, but Puzzle reflects the morning light beautifully and you find your worries washed away.
You smile at the Puzzle and tell it good morning, believing in your heart that today's going to be a good day.
Burger World goes up in flames.
You tug Anzu out of the line of fire and evacuate with everyone else.
No one ends up being injured except for the man who held Anzu hostage.
That man, he ends up dead. The firefighters confirm it.
You stare at the flickering flames and wonder how that happened. You brought the man what he requested, limbs trembling and heart racing, but then after that…
(You played a game.)
You're not sure. You just know he brought it on himself. It's his fault for threatening Anzu.
The thought feels too vindicative for you but you can't shake it. He deserved what happened to him. He did.
(So why do you feel guilty? Why do you feel like you're the reason this happened?)
It's sad, though. It didn't have to be like this. And now you know what burning flesh smells like. You might have to take a break on burgers for a bit. Maybe at least until they rebuild Burger World.
Burger World burnt down and took a man with it, and yet life goes on. For you and your friends, at least.
Time passes.
More and more incidents happen, and you start to realize there's gaps in your memory.
(Except you haven't forgotten a thing. You know exactly what you've done, exactly how to use this power granted to you. Except you have forgotten, because sometimes you couldn't remember any of that and it scares you. Not all the time, though.)
One day while entering the museum to retrieve your Puzzle, a strange man stares at you without speaking for a very long time, then gasps all of a sudden and falls to his knees. Without explaining anything, he then hands you the Puzzle and says something about you having an other self, about you someday discovering this other self and the Puzzle's true power. It was a very strange, inexplicable encounter that you spend a long time trying to puzzle out.
One day, a strange man appears uninvited in your maze of a mind and nearly falls prey to its traps. You learn later that while you were entertaining this man's attempts at uncovering the secrets of your soul, the you in the real world was growing increasingly concerned at the same man's lack of response to your questions. You learn later also that this man referred to you in the soul room and you in the real world as different selves.
And not long after, that man, Shadi, reappears, controlling your grandpa's professor friend and then Anzu, telling you he wants you to awaken your 'other self'.
You don't know what he's talking about. You know exactly what he's talking about, and you don't like it.
You don't like that his demeanor changes and he acts like 'you' are now your 'other self', like something fundamental about you has changed.
But what you really hate is how he's threatening the lives of your friends. Of Anzu.
You play his Shadow Game, always on the back foot but never backing down. You play his game and you win, and your friends are safe.
But something in you has been shaken. You don't know who you are anymore.
By the time Death-T happens, you are pretty sure you aren't alone in your body anymore. You don't know how, but you have a feeling that someone else takes control of you during high-stress moments. You're missing so many memories, but…
So many of the people who have dared to hurt you or your friends have ended up forever changed. Dead, insane, disappeared, always looking at you in fear, you name it. You think you, or the other you that Shadi spoke of, is the one responsible.
Kaiba has an eternal grudge against you for something you don't even remember, but it's bad enough he wants to kill you.
You just wish you could remember, but you can't.
And you're scared. You're scared of this other self, scared of how your friends would react knowing sometimes 'you' are not 'you', that this other you has done terrible things in your name.
You're scared because you don't know, but…
You… can't hold the other you back anymore, you realize.
Honda might be dead because of Kaiba's machinations, and you are angry. You are angry, and you don't really want to hold back your other self anymore, you want to let this other you loose, who cares about the consequences. You're sick and tired of this. You want Death-T to be over.
The Puzzle is glowing. It whispers to you sweet promises of retribution.
You want to let go, but first…
You have to know if you're going to lose your friends after this.
So you tell them.
And somehow, somehow, they double down on supporting you, on staying your friend.
So you smile, wipe your tears, and let go.
And you stand tall, and you march off to war.
Kaiba will pay for this.
You look up and up at your other self, realizing all at once that this is the first time you've been face to face which each other. You can't help the spark of awe, seeing your other self's confident smile and believing firmly that you can win this.
You look down at your other self, so tiny in his miniaturized form on the table. He looks up at you with unrestrained awe and you can't help the reverence you feel, having such a perfect other self. You could ask for no better partner in this game.
Together, you face the challenges this game brings. With your other self at your side, you know there's no way you're losing this fight.
You form a partnership with your other self, and you couldn't be happier. Your synergy is flawless, with you balancing each other out so seamlessly. You teach your other self softness and you teach your other self confidence. Wait, try that again. You teach your other self softness and your other self teaches you confidence. That's the right way around, right? No, it's, you teach your other self confidence and your other self teaches you softness- Oh, it doesn't matter.
What matters is you help each other. You're there for what trials your other self can't undertake, there to lift the other up with support when needed. You're never alone, and you're so much better for it.
I want to stay with you forever, you say, and you mean it. Both of you mean it.
But with Pegasus saying there's something evil in the Millennium Items, and then Isis saying you're — the other you — the Yugi that teaches confidence, that one — that you're the Nameless Pharaoh depicted in an ancient tablet and that you're destined to have a great battle to regain your memories-
Something in you is destabilized.
You feel a deep, widening abyss take shape with the awareness that you're missing something, that you've forgotten who you are. You wish you could just stay a part of Yugi forever but if there really is something you've forgotten, then you have to know.
You don't want to be that evil intelligence Pegasus mentioned. You're scared to learn that this Nameless Pharaoh you apparently once were was a cruel and unjust king. Did you take a great many slaves and have them beaten for your amusement? You certainly had a bloodlust in you that scared your partner, even as you tried to tame it for his sake.
You, you were the type of person to see a man die just to win a game. You inflict harsh punishments on those you deem deserving as if it's your divine right. What kind of a person, then, does that make you?
It's hard to believe you were good.
You need to know. You need to know what kind of person you were, to know what sort of evil taunts your soul.
And your partner understands, forgives you easily for not telling him, eagerly fights with you with the same goal, knowing you want it being enough for him. You don't deserve it. You don't deserve such a gentle heart as your partner, your other self.
And you make it, after long and dangerous fights, you make it to the world of your memories.
Except it's a game under the dark spirit of the Ring's control. Except even as you play along with the events and find yourself getting lost in the moment, none of these memories feel like yours.
You are living someone else's life and you don't even have the memory to show for it. You don't remember your favourite childhood food, you don't remember if you were even a just ruler or not because your priests would undoubtably sing your praises if asked. And your priests, they wear the faces of people you know but they are not people you know. You have not grown up knowing them, you have not fought battles with them before this day.
It is an alien world.
But Isis says these are your memories, this is how you ended up trapped in the Millennium Puzzle (even if that part isn't very clear in the retelling), these are the people you loved, this is the land you ruled. This is your life, your inheritance.
It is unfamiliar and unrecognizable to you.
When you see your other self, your dear partner, in the midst of the terrible reliving, it feels like a burst of colour in a black-and-white world. That, that is what you love, that is what you fight for, that is what is familiar, what is home. Your other self.
And then he's gone. You go separate ways, different tasks falling to each of you. It hurts worse than waking up in the memory world without him.
The name Atem fits strangely, even as the power it holds thrums under your skin.
You miss when you were just 'the Other Yugi'.
But this is your role now, and it is your responsibility to bear it.
Isis tells you that now that you have your memories (what memories?) and with the great enemy sealed in the Millennium Items defeated, it is now time for the final step.
You have to move on.
You have to leave your partner.
You have to leave everything you have ever known for something that still feels alien to you.
But they've been waiting for you for thousands of years, and you hate to keep them waiting any longer.
And it's only through doing this that Isis and Malik and Rishid will be free of their Tombkeeper duties and able to finally live without that weighing over their shoulders.
And you've already been around longer than you should.
Still, everything in you screams not to go.
Your partner doesn't want you to go either, but he smiles and says it's alright, it's time for you to rest.
It's your duty, after all.
You face your partner in a Ceremonial Duel. You fight to stay, and your partner fights to let you go because you want him to.
And he wins, and you're so, so proud of him and how far he's come.
You walk through the great doors beckoning you to the beyond, and you leave behind your self.
'Atem' steps into the light and fights to not cry.
He fails.
'Atem' fits in poorly in the world he finds himself in. He is lost and unmoored, always tripping on someone's toes with a breach in conduct because they all assumed he would already know. Strangers treat him like a friend. Strangers treat him like a god.
'Atem' is a ghost they look for in him, and are disappointed not to find. Still, they pretend like nothing's changed, because maybe if they act like he's the same 'Atem' they knew, it'll become true. It never works.
'Atem' is miserable. 'Atem' has all the richess and luxury he could ever want, but none of the friends or rivals he wanted to play a game against.
They don't have Duel Monsters here. Not really.
The face in his reflection is 'Atem', but it is not his.
'Atem' tries, he tries to fulfill his duty and enjoy his rest, but he doesn't want to rest. He wants to be playing games with his partner.
So one day, 'Atem' decides he's had enough, and he slips away.
You manage another grueling, too-long day without your other self — Atem, he's called Atem now, he's not the Other Yugi anymore.
You survive another day, and you feel nothing. The world feels so dull without your other self to experience it with. Your friends drift in different directions and you feel so unmoored, so listless. You go through the motions anyway.
Bakura's the only one who might understand, but he doesn't want to talk to you and you don't have the courage to try.
You survive another day without your other self. You feel like that's all you're really doing, surviving.
You survive.
There's nowhere to slip away to that will accept you, nowhere that knows you enough to keep you… Except for the place you really want to go.
Home.
You slip back into place beside your other self like you were born to fit there, and maybe you were.
You were never able to make yourself become 'Atem', but you think you can become 'the Other Yugi' again.
Your partner's consciousness slides away from you in the suddenness of your renewed presence, but you're not worried. He's still there, and so are you.
So, you set up a game and wait for your partner to return.
You wake up in your soul room.
You wake up in your soul room, and you feel your body moving around without you.
It's a practiced motion to draw yourself out of your soul room and back to your body, and it's one you do in haste.
You don't dare to breathe, to disrupt this dream-
Your other self chuckles and draws a breath in your lungs when you fail to do it yourself. Your heart jumpstarts back into motion, pounding frantically.
Your other self. Your other self. Your other self is here.
Is this real? You can't count how many dreams you've had that go like this, but this feels real.
Yes, it's real, your other self says. I'm here. I'm going to keep my promise and stay with you forever.
You don't dare to dream, to hope. Is that really true? Is it?
Yes, yes, yes, forever and always. Being apart from you wasn't worth it. I'm sorry I ever left. I'll never do it again.
You better not! You better not!
Oh, you missed him so much. You missed him so much it felt like a void opened in your chest and started to swallow you whole. Sometimes you wanted to rip apart your flesh and tear back your ribs just to make sure your heart was still beating.
I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.
He rocks you back and forth, on your knees on the floor where you fell, he rocks you back and forth and lets the tears fall from your eyes freely, a downpour so forceful and loud that it makes your grandpa check on you.
"He's back," you whisper to your grandpa, voice breaking in dawning reverent awe. "He's back!" you shout, unable to contain your joy.
"I'm back," your other self says, relief held fast to his tone and sticking in the back of your throat. "I'm back."