Work Text:
“Then Rapunzel left her plastic bubble and died. The end.” — Bubble Boy (2001)
“I’d rather spend one minute holding you than the rest of my life knowing that I never could.” —Bubble Boy (2001)
“Why won’t you let me do this for you, Rose?” — Steven Universe, Sworn to the Sword (2015)
“It’s for your own good, forgive me, Lady Iana.”
“—y Iana!”
“Iana!”
“Wake up, Iana!”
She blinks.
The beautiful sky glares down upon her. Iana yawns loudly, throwing her arms into a satisfying stretch. She rubs at her eyes before staring directly into Sol’s again—wasn’t she looking at the sky a minute ago? The floor had collapsed under her, air trapped in her lungs as her fingers scratched at her neck….no, better question wasn’t she…? Huh…she could’ve sworn she’d died…something about…another world? A priestess….Isaac…wasn’t she on the run…?
She surveyed the room, none of this was making sense. Everything was…wrong. Her fingers flung to her throat.
“Sol…where are we? Where is Konoha?” She surveyed the room, none of this was making sense. Her fingers flung to her throat, eyes landing on rows upon rows of desks, children’s desks, pointing toward a teachers but the room remained empty.
“Iana…?”
“Where—“
Gentle hands ground her, they hold her face as if she is the most fragile thing in this world. They guide her to the sky where she does not fall, but float instead. The panicked pounding in her chest reduces to a steady thump.
“What’s wrong?” He rubs his thumb near her mouth, the care makes her shiver. Not too long ago her head was pushed toward the gallows unable to justify her crimes. So then why was her butler sitting across from her dressed as a student? What…was this? Was this some kind of dream?
“I..”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have woken you up like that. You must’ve been having an awful nightmare.” He caressed her face once more before peeling something off.
Irk—How didn’t she feel that piece of paper stuck to her?
“Or are you just trying to get out of studying again?” The icy disapproval he sent her way froze her to the spot she could feel the icicles surround her.
“No-no sir!” She tried laughing off the claim, because when had Sol ever tutored her? “What um…what were we going over again?”
Sol sighed, in relief? Exasperation? She didn’t know but she thought of a heartfelt apology for being a terrible student in her third life.
Third life?
“Let’s just call it a day, it’s getting late and Konoha will scold me.” He grabs at a school bag she hadn’t noticed resting on the desks leg.
Iana glances outside, it had gotten quite late, the sun was beginning to set and it casted an evening glow across the room. She watched students slowly take their leave from the schoolyard, a strange sense of déjà-vu followed.
“Why would Konoha scold you?” She looks back toward Sol who wears two school bags with an outstretched hand. She places her hand on his and he stands there staring at the both of their fingers.
Huh…it’s kinda odd touching Sol’s hands without his gloves. Iana shakes her head, why would that be weird? Why would he wear gloves with a school uniform?
“I’m a young man Iana of course your sister will be worried.” Sol’s face resembles the red setting sun, it spreads to the tip of his ears. Had his heart always been so loud? She can feel it hammering in his fingertips.
“Am I suppose to be afraid?” She tilts her head and offers a soft smile up to him, “I know you’re a sweet boy Sol.”
A feeling, she’s not sure what, crosses his face as he pulls her to her feet. She’s pressed against him as he cages her against the desk she’d been sitting in. Her heart is desperately kicking at her chest, she’s not sure where to look at except her lap. She shakes like a leaf in an attempt to hold herself up with the edge of the desk. What a pretty plaid skirt she’s wearing today. Sol’s hands press close to hers, to be honest all of him is too close and his mouth is right beside her ear.
Plaid skirt. Plaid skirt. Plaid skirt.
OneTwoThreeFourFiveSixSevenEight.
OneTwoThreeFourFiveSixSevenEight—Oh God.
“Do you truly find me that pathetic?” His words chill the shell of her ear, it tickles, she presses her cheek onto her shoulder.
Her lips tremble as she tries to get the words out. How do you even respond to something like that? What would Konoha do?
The classroom door rattles and Sol is off of her by the time it is thrown open. His body heat lingers against hers as Iana forces her legs to work, a sweet voice calls to her, a larger body envelops her into a hug.
“Iana, my love!”
“Yomi!???”
Holding her tight as she tries to crane her neck up to catch a glimpse of her childhood best friend is none other than Yomi Blacksarana.
“Did you miss me? I ran all the way here to walk you home, are you happy to see me?” Her dark haired friend glanced down at her with breathtaking amethyst eyes, the kind dogs give when begging for scraps.
“I…did, but why’d you do that? Sol can walk me home..you go to a completely different school. Geez, Yomi you need to stop doing this you’ve got to be exhausted.” The lecture slipped past her lips as if it were natural, as if he’d done this before…there it was again…why did this all feel so…wrong?
“Because you texted me yesterday about that scary looking guy forcing you to study after school today, see look!” Yomi whipped out his clamshell and clicked to his latest text messages. He turned the screen to her and a brown cat charm with red eyes rattled beside it as he did so. A foggy memory of winning them at the arcade floated across her mind…weird.
Her eyes scanned the text and…she definitely was the culprit of the messages.
MY LOVE <3:
( ؕؔʘ̥̥̥̥ ه ؔؕʘ̥̥̥̥ )?
YOMI:
What’s wrong? Did Konoha hurt u? I’ll be there soon! (ง'̀-'́)ง
MY LOVE <3:
༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽ NO! I’m fine…Sol wants to study tmrrw…and I haven’t been paying attention in class at ALL!
YOMI:
Is he forcing u to study?
Just study with me instead.
-(๑☆‿ ☆#)ᕗ
Besides I’m the top student!
MY LOVE <3:
ʘ‿ʘ Yomi you’re not listening.
I’m screwed.
Plus ur schools a 30min drive and u don’t have a car.
YOMI:
I can skip class?
MY LOVE <3:
DONT U DARE!
YOMI:
Yes ma’am (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
“O-oh!” She pushes the phone from her view shutting it, “Well I was definitely being over dramatic it wasn’t even that bad.”
Iana nervously titters and cranes her head over to Sol, against her will her heart soars. Sol’s always been handsome, it’s a fact that you’d be too blind to overlook. He’s handsome but she’s never felt attracted to him.
“You managed to answer at least one problem.” Sol sighs shifting the bags on his shoulders as he gives Iana a pointed look.
“Those must be heavy let me get my bag from you.” Iana squirms out of Yomi’s hold reaching her arms out, “I can’t believe I only managed to answer one question correctly after all that time studying after school. I’m sorry I wasted your time.”
Sol lifted the bags above her reach and frowned, “Who said you answered it correctly?”
Iana was sure a knife pierced through her the way those words stung.
“Seriously? I didn’t even solve it!? Why did you let me sleep for so long!?” She screeched, how embarrassing…No wonder why he wanted to go home. With the bags out of reach her arms still followed in the event that he might show her mercy.
“I didn’t plan to be gone for so long, the student council requested my help. I told you to finish what you could while I was gone. I hadn’t imagined that you would sleep instead.”
“Did you hear that Yomi, Sol just called me an awful student.” Iana glanced back to see Yomi muttering to himself about missing the opportunity to have pictures of…something?
“You know what…let’s just go home. After we drop Yomi off to the train station.”
They file out the room one by one while Iana complains about holding her own bags. Something tells her to turn back, she’s forgetting someone….someone? In the back of her mind is an echo of a wish she can barely hear but she imagines a boy and a girl a few years younger than her. In a blink they’re gone, she doesn’t remember why she’s standing there.
“I’ll think of it tomorrow.” She walks through the door, she’s glances back one last time and closes the sliding door.
The three of them make their way off of the school grounds, Yomi is happier than ever to be at Iana’s side. She’s sandwiched between the two teen boys as they make their way down the sidewalk. Iana yawns stretching her arms upward to avoid hitting the two. She rubs at her face again, the urge to doze again wasn’t far. A hard crust rested beside her mouth, rubbing at it she takes a peek at what is left on her hand. Iana the Great falls to her knees smashing her head to the ground, did Sol wipe dried drool off her face? What had she done in her past life to deserve this?
“Good grief Iana,” she feels weightless being lifted up like a lion from a movie she does not remember watching in this lifetime, “please keep whatever brains you have intact.”
“Please just let me become one with the floor, I’ve almost finished turning into a puddle.”
“Not a chance, let’s go Iana.” Sol sets her on her feet and pulls her along by her hand.
“No fair,” Yomi whines catching up with the two of them, “I want to hold your hand too Iana.”
The teenager only sighs holding her hand out which he happily grabs, the three of them walk the rest of the way to the station. Iana has to shove him through the turnstile and even then he’s begging to stay over. Earning him another scolding. Yomi tearfully waves goodbye as Sol and her leave him behind, she hears a sweet chime play from her bag it’s easy to tell that it’s from Yomi.
Tall overhead lights flicker on. Their path perfectly illuminated, a straight shot from the train station. Iana glanced up at Sol, she couldn’t tell when he looked more handsome, day and night both seemed to suit him. It’s like he was born straight out of an otome game or something, what the hell!
“Do you prefer night or day, Sol?” She waits for the sky to meet her ruby eyes.
“Why do you ask?” He adjusts her bag on his shoulder, the thing probably left an indent.
“Just making conversation, it’s a long way home isn’t it?”
Despite being taller Sol’s strides match hers.
We’re working together, so stand beside me. We’re a team now. Got it?
She can’t remember a day in this life where Sol ever lingered behind her. It’s even harder to imagine than him wearing gloves…or even being a butler. She coughed, hiding a giggle because if anyone were to be the servant it was her. Sol would make the perfect son of a Count, handsome and wise. Iana debated if she would even make a good maid, she’d break the teapot if she poured from it. Perhaps Konoha would be the better one for that…or rather a princess.
Sol stares up at the stars slowly awaking from their morning slumber, she hadn’t expected him to take her question into such careful consideration.
“If I was still a child, I’d have said the nighttime.”
“What do you mean, if? You’re still a kid just as much as I am.”
“I just meant when I was younger.”
“You’re still young.”
“That’s not…” He sighs,”remember when me and Ginoford would stay over? We’d stay on the weekends and make piles from blankets to sleep on.”
Iana taps her chin for a moment. She lights up when she does in fact remember that. “Yeah, I remember you crying when we played House and Ginoford got to be the dad.”
Sol’s face flushed as he cleared his throat, “I don’t remember that.”
Iana batted her lashes covering her mouth feigning coy, “I do, even up to Konoha playing the mom, do you still have that big crush on her?”
Sol closes his eyes, the tips of his ears burn red as he grips the school bag strap. His response is rushed, “No…I actually like someone else. I don’t think she’ll return my confession though..I think she’s afraid of me.”
“Gosh Sol, you really need to work on that icy look of yours. You scare me too sometimes with it.”
Sol’s eyes widen at that as he parrots, “Icy…look?”
“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”
“I have an icy look?”
Poor guy doesn’t even realize.
Iana shook her head face palming as she did so, “We’ll work on it.”
“When will we start.”
“Tomorrow morning, on the walk to school we’ll need all the time we can get.”
Sol lifts his hand to his lips lost in thought.
“I have a scary face?” He murmurs, the question isn’t meant for her she knows, the question is for no one really but she answers.
“You have a nice face.” Iana smiles to herself strangely proud… as if it were her craftsmanship, “You’re very handsome, sometimes you come off as intense. When I do something wrong and you try to bottle it up is when it’s really bad. Like the glare you give me when I go to the market alone at night.” She huffs to herself at the end, because despite her claiming she can walk to the 7/11 alone Sol somehow knows when she’s craving a late night snack and it’s really not her fault that he gets upset having to walk her there. Because come on! How would Konoha know if she walked alone for just one night!?
“I don’t glare at you! I just wish you’d ask me to walk with you, it’s dark out you never know what could happen.” Sol furrows his eyebrows, the hand he had on his lips now grips the school bag.
“You only walk with me because Konoha caught me out of bed that one time! It’s been years now, you can just stay home you don’t have to walk me anymore.” Iana’s fingers busy themselves with one of her pigtails, a style she hadn’t realized she wore.
“You know that I…” Again a pained look falls over his face…or was that pain? Confliction? “I care about you…right? I care about you a lot, even without Konoha asking me, I do these things because I want to.”
Iana finds the boy before her adorable. She wonders how his love confession to the girl he likes will go…because the boy before her is beet red and she wishes to keep this memory forever. But as adorable as he is, she can tell he’s embarrassed, her sister probably put him up to saying something like this—the Sol she knows would never say that. Iana glances away from the sky, she’s turns to the stars instead.
“I know.” She whispers, maybe the poor kid was putting up with her because he did still like her sister. Maybe he wants sister in law points? But Ginoford already has them—why is love so confusing?
They’re silent for a while, up until their neighboring houses come into view.
“Day time.” He mumbles.
“W..what?”
“Your question, that’s my answer.”
Right..they’d gotten off topic. Iana can see the porch light on, she catches the top of Konoha’s pink hair peaking out the window. She seems to be working on an assignment her second semester of university has been going well for her. Unbeknownst to her a smile graces her face again, she can’t wait for the warm greeting from her amazing big sister.
“Why?”
“The night keeps me from her.”
Iana places a hand over her mouth covering the gaped expression. “Sol…I never knew you were such a romantic!”
It must really be a different girl then, Sol hardly saw Konoha during the day. He was always glued to Iana these days with walking her there and back and with them being classmates.
Oh….
Oh!
Tomorrow she needed to find out what girls might be Sol’s type! Asking him might make this easier though…..
Sol held her school bag toward her and she happily accepted it.
“Why is that so shocking?”
“I don’t know, it’s just nice learning all these new things about you. Anyways thanks for walking me, good night Sol!”
She pays no mind to his parting words as she skips to her front door.
“Konohaaaa!” Iana sings bursting through the door to her beautiful sister who can do no wrong.
“Ianaaaa!” She coos back and embraces her in a warm hug that Iana happily returns. “Welcome home, I see that Sol brought you home safe.”
“I could’ve got here on my own!
“Did you get to see Ginoford today?”
Konoha freezes, for only a brief second, her lips fix into a frown. “Don’t you remember? Ginoford left to go overseas yesterday.”
“O-oh, I’m sorry I’ve been forgetting a lot lately…I don’t know what’s going on with me.” Iana plops into the chair beside her sister, she rubs at her temple trying to gather her thoughts. “I have all these weird pieces just jumbled around in my head but I still remember everything?”
Konoha warm as always holds her hands with her own and presses her free hand to her forehead. Iana was half expecting them to touch foreheads, what a stupid way to take temperatures. Is her brain melting?
“You feel a little warm. Do you want to rest up? Maybe you just had a long day. Or are you not going to bed on time?” Konoha’s flurry of questions make her head spin.
“I’ve been sleeping too much if anything—Sol stayed after to tutor me but I ended up falling asleeeee…” Iana clamped her mouth shut looking to the ceiling for mercy.
“Iana! You’re suppose to be getting your grades up! You’ve been slipping with your English and your math has been awful lately. I can’t believe..”
Just as beautiful and radiant as Konoha was, she was still a big sister that wanted the best for her. Iana slumped into her chair letting the school bag slide to the floor. Why did she say that? Konoha’s been on her since last semesters report cards.
The lecture doesn’t stop even as Konoha plates dinner for the two of them. By the time dinner is being packed away and dishes are being washed Konoha finally stops. She looks down at her droopy eyed sister fighting the exhaustion of digesting a big meal and sighs with a smile holding the weight of only something a big sister can carry.
Konoha pats Iana’s hair smoothing back the flyaways.
“I just want you to succeed. I want you to have any and everything this world has to offer, you just need to apply yourself.”
Iana gazes up at her pink haired sister that she looks nothing like, but aspires to be like someday.
“I want the same for you too. Stop worrying about me, Konoha. I’m not a baby.”
“I have to worry about you. You’re my baby sister. I’m sorry about talking your ear off.”
Iana huffs, but reigns back the mini tantrum. Wasn’t it just her luck she’d reincarnate again as a student. “It’s okay, I just really hate studying.”
“Do you want to have two study sessions a day? One with Sol and one with me?”
“Why can’t I just study with you?” She whines, regrets it, but accepts it.
“Well Sol likes studying with you, I won’t take that from him.”
“I think he just does it because you asked him to. He’ll do anything you tell him.”
“Why do you think that? I never asked him to do that.”
“Because when he was younger you…” saved him from a life of servitude.
Reincarnate. Reincarnate. Reincarnate. Reincarnate. R. n
e. r. a
i
i a. s a
n. s c. t. c
?
e
who is …
i. ?
c.
s
?
s. a
“Iana!?”
Konoha was supporting her, maybe she was more tired than she’d assumed. How’d she fall asleep in the middle of a conversation? How did she fall out of a chair nonetheless?
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
“Okay…”
Konoha tucks her in and takes her hair out of the half up half down hairstyle she wore. She smooths Iana’s head that was beginning to ache, at Konoha’s touch however it soothed. The world no longer spun or hurt it only made her eyes feel droopy.
“Good night Iana.”
When Iana sleeps that night she has these dreams that are far too realistic.
The kind where your teeth fall out while you scream for help, decay and blood spill onto your hands with nothing to stop it because it comes from her. Her hands plunge into her mouth forcing them to stay…to heal. She dreams the kind of dream where you are running but your legs won’t move faster than you need them before she is mauled manically by a crazed killer she cannot name. When she wakes for school the next morning she swallows a scream, because her sister is calling for her downstairs with breakfast filling their home.
“Iana! Start getting ready! Sol’s here!”
For the first time in sixteen years that name sends a nasty pit to her stomach. It’s just a silly dream…a little nightmare, there’s nothing to be afraid of because…none of it was real. Iana was not an evil villainess. She didn’t want to harm her sister, she did not bleed to death, and she did not kill a man..a..a priest at that.
She didn’t kill …..
She didn’t … …..
Who…is
i
s
“Iana!”
“I…I’m getting dressed!”
She makes her way downstairs, still buttoning her shirt with one hand and pulling her sock up with the other.
“I’m here! I’m here! Don’t eat without—Konoha?”
The kitchen is empty, except for Sol eating at the table with his clamshell in one hand, two cats jingle at its side each with ribbons—one red and the other blue.
“She had to leave, she said something about a project she wanted to work on.”
Iana sits by her plate, it sits across from Sol’s. Her stomach churns at the sight of the food and she won’t stop trembling. Sol lifts a knife and she can’t hide the flinch her body does.
“Is.. something wrong?”
Iana gives him a tight lipped smile. Shakily holding a fork and stabbing at the food.
“No…nope nothings wrong here! Isn’t this food just so good?” Her body was still on edge against a danger that was no longer near, it was just a dream.
“Was it another nightmare? We can talk about it—“
“No!” Iana meets his eyes and there isn’t a danger in sight. She blinks a few times, why was she so afraid? She was as safe as she could be with him, Sol would never harm her. Besides he’d be too scared to break Konoha’s heart if he ever did.
“I meant no. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Alright, then let’s talk about school. Are you excited for your plans with Meona?”
“Iana!”
Her long brown hair whips with her as she gazes upon a girl with short silver hair. Iana’s heart flutters at her best friend.
“Meona!” She waves ecstatically as the teen reaches the table, her own lunchbox in tow. “Do you want to sit with us today?”
There’s only Sol and Yomi, who’d snuck back in despite Iana’s request: he happened to be in the middle of Iana feeding him public school food claiming he’d never seen a pizza look like that before.
Meona claimed her spot beside Iana making the brunette blink a bit to clear her eyes, her friend’s beauty was blinding as always.
“Are you ready for tonight’s baseball game?”
Iana rubbed away the extra sparkle, “Did we make plans to watch one today? I was planning to ask Sol for more tutoring.” Since well…she didn’t want to make the same mistake as her past life…whichever life that was…
“No, silly. We’re playing a home game tonight. I can’t believe you forgot. Did you even bring your uniform?” Meona gives her a strange look as she unboxes her bento, she’s been getting that look a lot these days since her memories been all kinds of wacky. It almost scares her how forgetful she’s become…nearly seventeen years of her life she can remember in pieces. She hardly remembers last week but she remembers the weird dream she had as clear as day.
“Uh… er…?”
“You didn’t?” Meona slams her fist on the table, the aura that surrounds her is more than a little scary. Iana glances at the boys for help but Sol’s nose is buried into a book and Yomi is….where’s Yomi???? The questionable pizza falls from her hands.
“Oh god,” Iana gulps grabbing for her school bag and flipping open the flap, “spare me.. please I might have it packed in here…look..there see! I found it!” To think that she could be the scary looking one, at least she has a taste of what it’s like getting between Meona and winning.
Iana holds up a red and white baseball uniform with trembling hands.
Meona huffs turning away, she peeks at Iana and cracks a smile at her forgetful friend. “Good, we’ve been going strong these past three years. We can’t have a bad game tonight especially with the recruiters being there.”
“Have you decided what you’re going to do after we finish school?”
This question does not come from Meona, Iana lowered the uniform, these heavy words come from Sol. It’s weird feeling that weight of senior year again, that heavy feeling of deciding the rest of your life while you still feel like a child.
Iana hums staring at the black numbers on her uniform.
Forty-nine.
Wow…what unfortunate luck. Had this always been on her back like a target? Yet, she was the star player? How hasn’t she gotten into some freak accident yet?
“I think after high school…I’ll stay away from baseball for awhile.”
“Seriously?” Meona gaped, “You’re really good though, what are you going to do instead?”
“I dunno.” She rests her chin in her hands rubbing the skin with her index finger, “Maybe I’ll take up writing?”
“You write?”
“That makes sense, I always see you writing at night. You’re always making a huge mess.”
“Yeah, I have all these ideas stuck in my head that I can never string together.” She shoves the uniform in her bag now, the tips of her ears burn, “I didn’t know you watched me write.”
Sol stiffens at that, he clutches the opened books cover.
“I…” He begins at a loss from the unexpected confession. He closes his eyes and steels his resolve, “I only see you because you leave your blinds open at night and it’s right in front of my desk where I study. Unlike one of us here and when you’re flailing around throwing papers yelling about what is or isn’t right it’s hard not to hear you go on about…”
Sol matches her, burning as fiercely as the uniform she stuffed into her bag. The more he rants the darker the shade gets; crimson, scarlet, carmine—
The bell rings saving Sol from himself as he wheezes out a breath.
“I’ll be going first, see you at warmups Iana.” Meona stands and leaves the two of them alone. Iana struggles to remember how to throw away her trash, she’s as stiff as a board.
The school day went by surprisingly fast, her feet led her directly toward the field. She was changed and ready to win. They begun with their warmups, Meona is her throwing partner.
Meona tosses the ball, “So, are you going to tell Sol you’re in love with him?”
Iana fumbles to catch the ball, “L-Love? Sol!?”
Her best friend rests a hand on her hip, she’s frowns at Iana. “Seriously? You’re going to tell me the two of you don’t flirt every time you’re around another?”
“We don’t flirt!” She chucks the ball at Meona, “Why are we talking about this?” Her hands feel clammy, she pretends they’re from her anxiety for tonight’s game.
“Okay,” she catches the ball effortlessly, “perhaps you don’t flirt, but one of you definitely likes the other.”
“Sol doesn’t like me.” Iana shakes her head. “He told me he has a crush on a girl.”
A smirk graces her beautiful friends face, she tosses the ball lazily in her hands, “Oh? So you’re suffering from unrequited love?”
“No!” Iana screeches, her teammates eyes stare at them but quickly return back when some of them get hit by flying baseballs. She looks exactly as she was, a blushing school girl.
“Sol’s just…a… a friend!”
“Right…right…and friends stare at you as if they want to give you the world.”
“I don’t look at him like that?” Did she? When did she start making faces like that?
Meona tosses the ball back and Iana catches it, she holds it close to her heart surprised by her friends next words. “No, I’m talking about the guy that follows you like a golden retriever. He’s worse than your other friend.”
The coach interrupts before Iana can speak up, she gathers the girls there’s a pep talk and the team gathers to cheer. The visiting team piles out of the buses, the school stadiums are filled and Iana eagerly searches for pink hair. She’s positioned at the centerfield twirling her baseball bat, the cool metal feels at home in her hands. The opposing team has already gone, she’s switched with Meona as catcher a few times. Iana’s had her taste of the field as defense, she’s ready for a few home runs.
She was having…fun?
This was so much fun.
Too much fun.
Who knew that this could be so….
Wrong?
Something creeps up her skin, crawling slowly up her back. This thing is heavy, she clutches her shoulders shaking. Its weight knocks the wind out of her as it whispers harshly.
.a . .o .u. y. f. e
. . . .t. u d
. .a .h. t. o. r
.b . i. t
.w. m. e? d. g
m. e
?
Something is amiss in the air. The bat falls from her shaking fingers, Iana tries to will her knees to stop buckling but she goes down anyway. Perhaps she’s the only one to see it or maybe not since she hears the screams of her name rise into the sky. A sky tainted the color of her eyes, it bleeds into the full moon and awakens a cauldron of bats. It’s the least of her worries though because her eye, yes that eye, feels as if it’ll explode and burn her alive in one go. She curls into a ball and whimpers clawing at the thing, the longer she stays quiet the more agonizing the pain becomes.
“Why?” She croaks out and shuts her eyes as the same word spews from her mouth growing louder until she can’t tell who is screaming what anymore. There is a name that spews out from her lips as the same sentence echoes a migraine into her skull. Somehow it’s hard to hear, hard to grasp when it is so fucking loud. The words of a boy she does not remember wanting to be friends…something about her being alone.
Someone from the crowd is at her side, they beat her coach and her teammates that were already onfield with her. He’s calling out for her searching for a way to make it all stop.
“Sol,” Iana cries out, “what..what’s happening..? It hurts. It hurts.” The pain makes it hard to breathe, it makes everything too much.
He hushes her softly, he pries her hand off her eye and all she sees is red. A hand soothes her by caressing her head, she falls into an awful dream.
In this nightmare she is a murderer, there’s no other reasonable explanation for the blood on her hands and the mutilated corpse beneath her. He speaks, his words are hard to hear and it’s even more difficult to read his lips from afar. Guilt? Fear? Heartbreak? A terrible emotion takes over her chest and plunges her heart beneath the floors of the church, there’s a sword in her hand she doesn’t remember grabbing.
Things are moving too fast, she’s walking somewhere she hasn’t told her feet to go. She tries to turn around, will her body in the opposite direction because her gut says where she is going leads to despair. The path she is taking will be a lonely one, but the blame is hers alone.
Iana jolts up clutching her eye, she lays in pink plush soft bedding and is surrounded by soft pink pillows to match. The wall is adorned in pictures of her and her sister, their parents are nowhere in sight, she is not in her room. She crawls out of bed and staggers over to the connected bathroom, flicks the switch and grabs the porcelain sink. Iana takes in a deep breath, she counts, then counts again, and again. She looks into the mirror, a scar has settled under her eye as if it had always belonged.
“Iana?” More pink bounded its way into her sight, worry was all over it.
She swallowed, eyes now on her sister, “What happened to me? Why am I in your room?”
“You came in saying you had a nightmare, it sounded pretty bad are you okay?”
That wrong feeling had creeped up again, sirens blared loudly within her.
“What about the game yesterday? Did they have to end it early?”
Konoha steps closer to her, she rests a soft hand on her cheek that the scar resided above.
“Why would the game end early? Your team won.”
Iana’s eyebrows furrowed together, her breathing had become erratic unbeknownst to her. A cold sweat bloomed from her skin.
“That’s not right…that couldn’t have happened…I remember…I remember how much it hurt! There’s a scar on my face, it’s already been healed Konoha I’m not crazy.”
Her big sister’s arms are wrapped around her in an instant.
“Iana you must’ve been more scared than I realized, that didn’t happen at all. There’s no scar on your face.”
She impels her to look at her face, Iana points to the scar that she has known for months. She begins clawing at her sisters arms to remove them while her saintly sister simply holds her.
“I’ve had this since I fell off the roof!”
“Iana, there’s nothing there.” She mutters.
It almost seems like a spell that makes Iana whip her head toward the mirror and sure enough she’s right. There is no scar. She has the same face she has grown into, nothing is wrong. Iana’s arms fall to her sides as she pants.
“There’s no scar…”
“That’s right, there’s no scar.”
She is frozen entrapped in Konoha’s arms. Weirdly enough as much as she is comforted she feels more like prey trapped in a web. It’s from the way Konoha’s hair bleeds into hers and falls upon her skin, such a light delicate color didn’t suit Iana and she’s been surrounded in it since the moment she woke.
Trapped in its shadow since the day she was born.
“Okay.” She whispers.
“I have to leave today, do you want me to ask Sol to stay with you?”
Iana finally gives into the hug, she rests her head against Konoha’s shoulder.
“No,” she mumbles, “I’m not a baby.”
“I know, but he can keep you company until I get back.”
“Only if he wants to.”
“I’m sure he’ll want to I’ll give him a call, do you want to lay in my bed again?”
Iana nods, she bites back the urge to mention he’ll do anything she wants anyway. She doesn’t focus too long on the him coming over, once she lays under the soft plush pink blankets she is out like a light.
A dim light rouses her, she debates on pretending to feign sleep but chooses not to. She’s had the kind of rest that doesn’t let you get back to it, characters are flipping and saying the wrong lines they’re behind to frustrate her. Iana turns her head to the source, her babysitter, Sol sits beside her in the dark light emits from his clamshell. Every click he makes a small beep follows, Iana rustles the sheets.
“L—Iana!”
She yawns feeling déjà vu, at least they aren’t studying this time.
“Hey, have you been waiting long?” What kind of question was that? The sun was still out when Konoha had walked her back to bed.
“No, not that long.” He closes the phone and leans from his chair beside the bed. A cool hand rests on her forehead, she shivers and is pleased that he doesn’t connect his forehead with her own. Iana sighs fluttering her eyes at his touch, she does however forget that he is not an ice pack. It’s not until she’s already pressing her warm hands onto his that she realizes what she’s done. This isn’t the same as sticking together to drop off a friend, because this time it’s only the two of them enclosed in a room that’s beginning to feel smaller the way he’s hovering over her. He’s obviously taken aback but he also wears that look that makes her think of the BL games she’s played. It’s laced with concern and his face is darker than Konoha’s sheets.
“Oh! Sorry!” She squeaks out, “I just…your hand felt really nice.” She’s rambling and the words are just pouring out of her as she snatches her hand away. The bed feels so soft she’s praying that it swallows her.
“Pretty sure I’m going delirious. Konoha was talking to me today and I was really confused and—wowie what time is it?” She sits forward nearly taking him out in the process. He fumbles around for his phone flipping it open, it goes over his mind that he can read the time that glows on the small screen while it’s closed.
“It’s only 7:30.”
Her embarrassment dies down, only a little.
“Did Konoha say when she’d be back? It’s pretty late—”
“She’s..! She’s finishing up her project.”
Iana furrows her eyebrows, Konoha hadn’t told her anything of the sort. Or maybe she didn’t remember…she’d been very confused about a lot of things. She needed to stop daydreaming this was getting bad.
Iana musters up a smile, there’s a pit in her stomach she knows the expression won’t reach her eyes so she closes them.
“Right…silly me. How’d I forget?”
There is an abrupt computerized noise signaling a failing, Iana jumps to the topic change.
“What are you playing?”
Sol flips his phone her direction, she sees the little cat charms jingle on it, on the phone screen is Arkanoid or a version of the game. His high score sits at :
80242018
Iana gaps, “Sol, I didn’t know you were a gamer! How long did it take you to get this far?”
“It’s my first time playing, I was done with everything else so…”
“Oh no, were you busy? You know you don’t have to do everything my sister asks you can say no. Did you have homework?” Iana shuffles under the blankets untucking herself from the overheating pile.
“Then how else will I have an excuse to see you?”
She’s pulled the sheets off of her, feeling more than energized she stretches and plans to watch some tv.
“What’d you say?”
Sol grimaces and shakes his head. Iana shrugs him off assuming that he also agreed it was nothing important. She only hoped he hasn’t planned to make her study.
“Let’s go downstairs, I want to see if anything good is on.” Standing up she notices the orange pajamas she’s wearing, she feels almost immature with the cats dancing on them, it takes a lot in her not to bash her head on the floor.
“Good, you can eat while we’re downstairs.”
“No, I’m fine. I’m not—“ The loudest, louder than even an obnoxious speeding car, growl releases from her stomach. She turns a bright beet red and suddenly using her limbs because a task she’s never done in her sixteen years of living.
“I could eat!” She squawks out.
She’s done this before.
Or has she? Truly? With Yomi it’s different. He’s just her clingy best friend, that somehow sneaks onto her campus and never gets caught, he’s basically the personification of a puppy or a chick that’s imprinted on you. Yomi is just Yomi.
So then why, when she sits with Sol, does she forgets how to hold her utensils? She feels like he can hear the way her breathing changes ever so slightly, the way it gets caught when she tries to breathe silently. She mentally curses Meona.
There’s no way.
There is no way.
Was she seriously crushing on the guy that liked her older sister? Or refused to admit he still liked her? Didn’t he say he had a crush on someone else? She never circled back to that, would that be too awkward to ask? Her heart thrums violently against her chest reminding her that it is still there, that she is just some girl. The television plays some anime she thinks it’s Inuyasha or maybe it’s Ranama 1/2. It’s an older one that she knows, it’s one that she’s watched faithfully before but can’t bring her mind to tune in.
She thinks of a confession with a delicate red rose under a tree. A girl holding a letter with her very first confession and a shared kiss. The girl remains faceless but she can see Sol’s face clear as day. Now is a good time to ask him who the girl he likes is, right? There’s no better time than ever, then she can get over whatever this fluttery feeling is. It has to be nerves, she’s just socially awkward…yeah…yeah!
“Have you ever kissed someone before?” She flushed so bright her eyes and her merged into the same shade. Iana felt the warmth on her neck, she had not meant to ask him that. What happened to asking about his crush! His crush! Not where his lips have been! She popped a spoonful of rice in her mouth hoping the sun would evaporate her.
“I…no… I was saving that for someone..but..it doesn’t matter anymore.” His ears tinged pink, “Have you…ah…I don’t know if that’s appropriate for me to ask. I’m sorry.” He clutched onto his bowl for dear life.
“No it’s…” she audibly gulped, oh my god, “it’s okay..I’m the one that..asked. I um…me nei..”
She starts to agree with him believing to be in the same boat but a memory of a dream crosses her mind. The warmth of the memory feels too real and forces her to clap her hand over her mouth.
“I-Iana?”
“Hm?” She stared at him wide eyed and the realization slowly dawned upon him the redder she got.
“I see.” She watched the sky darken, hail stormed and lightning crashed within his clouded eyes.
“It doesn’t count! I… I wasn’t even conscious!”
“What?”
Iana started for a response a better way to explain but it’d already slipped out and the hailstorm became dangerous. Murderous, if he was even capable of such a thing.
“Who?”
“I’ll tell you when you confess to your crush!”
“Confess to my…”
“Yeah!” She nods stalling for time, “when you confess I’ll tell you.” Iana thinks she might melt at this rate.
His composure shifts, his tight grip on the bowl twitches. “Even if she says no?”
“Why would she say no? You’re too great for her to not want to date you.” She sets her bowl on the side table, who would ever deny someone as sweet and faithful as him? He’s as perfect as Ginoford.
“Do you know what it’s like to give yourself to someone that doesn’t want you in the slightest?” He mutters to himself, “Am I just doomed to keep repeating the same mistake?”
She doesn’t quite catch the second part but she feels his pain. She rests a hand on his shoulder and he relaxes at her touch.
“Hey,” the sky meets her gaze, “if she rejects you, her loss, we can just go hang out. We can go to that arcade again and get new matching figures.”
He makes this face she doesn’t understand, it’s soft and full of care. It’s full of an emotion she doesn’t think she’s ever seen directed toward her before as he takes her in. It’s now that Iana thinks there’s a chance that Sol doesn’t simply think of Iana as just Konoha’s little sister. Tonight it dawns on her that Sol…
“I’m home!”
Sol’s eyes turn to the source, none other than her sister. Iana deflates a little, she might be wrong. Meona’s words almost got to her, can she be more ridiculous? Of course he’d choose her sister, she’s the only one that makes sense. As Konoha makes her way in Sol is quick to make conversation with her. While they talk Iana notices that Konoha lacks any books; reading material, notebooks, anything educational. Not too long after Sol has gathered the bowls, cleaned and dried them, and is now giving them formal goodnights. Iana feels a little silly thinking their talk had changed anything—
“Iana.”
She peers up to him sliding his shoes on at the door, she hums in response.
“Tell me if you need anything. I’m only a call away.” Pink dusts his ears as she nods with a big grin.
“Okay!” She says too enthusiastically, despite having his number for the longest, she doesn’t think she’s ever really messaged him.
He parts his mouth for one more thing, resembling a timid boy as he says, “And please take me with you if you decide to go out in the night.”
“I promise.”
With that he leaves. Weirdly enough he an invisible wall that only she has imagined suddenly collapsed. Sol didn’t feel like the guy that stayed near her for her big sister. He felt like Sol.
Iana migrated over to the kitchen, pulling a chair at the kitchen top when she heard Konoha rattling around the area. Opening and closing pantry, hitting the timer on the oven and preheating.
“You two are a lot closer these days.” Konoha hums as she pours flour and egg. “You’re a lot happier too.”
“Oh um..yeah,” Iana rubs the back of her neck trying to calm her blush, her brain kept flip flopping between melting in a sad mushy puddle or a happy one. “What’s your project about?”
“What project?” Konoha asks innocently tilting her head as she mixes the batter. She was spoiling Iana with chocolate chip cookies after the win at the baseball game. She claimed she wanted to earlier but she had something import tend to.
“The one you’ve been leaving early in the morning to finish.” And are now staying out late to do, she thought.
“Oh! That um..project…right…” Konoha mixes at the bowl furiously. “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”
“I’m sixteen that’s nearly an adult.”
“Right, it’s only nearly an adult, so listen to your adult big sister okay?”
Iana’s eyebrows furrow as she looks over the girl…she’s lying about something.
“Are you in trouble Konoha? Are we in debt or something?”
“No Iana, everything is fine. It’s all going to be fine.”
“Something is wrong. Is it debt? I can get a job and work after school.”
“You will not be getting any job. You’re going to enjoy your last year of high school.”
“Then is it Ginoford?”
Konoha flinches tightening her grip on the whisk.
“It is Ginoford. What did he do? To think he’d have the nerve—“
“Iana.” There was only one time that Iana has ever seen her sister glare like that. Someone had hurt her…no someone had threatened to hurt her…was it..?
“Just don’t worry about it, it’s just the two of us against the world. So as long as you’re safe nothing else matters to me.”
“But…don’t you love him?”
When Konoha sets down the mixing bowl, Iana realizes just how loved and lucky she is to have her big sister. Konoha’s pink eyes harden reflecting over their lives up to this point.
“Lovers come and go, but you…Iana you are my one and only sister. Your happiness comes first in my world.”
“Was I the reason you two argued?”
“We…” Konoha sighed, “had a small disagreement that’s all.”
“But it’s my fault, isn’t it?”
“None of it’s your fault,” Konoha rounds the kitchen top and grabs a hold of Iana’s hands, “Ginoford is just immature.”
“Was it really that bad that you can’t tell me?”
“When everything is finished I’ll tell you.”
“Does it have to do with your project?”
“Something like that.”
A timer goes off and Konoha glances back at it.
“Iana help me with these, I haven’t even placed them on the pan yet!” She pulls at Iana’s hands, Iana can’t help but laugh she can only hope she doesn’t add more work than help.
Iana closes her eyes, she remembers a weekend….a weekday? There was one day where he’d taken her up on her offer of hanging out. They’d gone to the bookstore, then a cafe, and an arcade. Sol had been quite sweet and at some point into the night he’d become a mess. His eyes had done that thing again at the peak of their fun, right in front of the crane machine where they’d collected new matching cat charms.
Under the flashing ever changing lights Sol pulls her close. He holds her in a tight hug that Iana can only limply return from being so taken aback.
“I’m afraid that you’ll hate me one day.”
His taller frame dips into hers, he leans his head into her shoulder. She rests her chin on his shoulder finally finding it in her to hug him back. She gets it now. Really she does.
She’d never hate him though, how could she hate any of her characters? She sniffled chest aching.
“Sol I—“
Iana’s long hair surrounds her, blowing whichever way the wind’s goes, the strands are free from her pigtails. She’s back to her usual style… she is reborn as a villainess.
“Iana?”
She opens her eyes, turning to the source as a door slams open, the brick wall behind it cracks. Sol stands in the doorway with confusion etched across his face.
“What are you wearing? We’re going to be late for class—“
“Is that the right way to address your mistress?”
“Mistress? Did you join the theatre club?”
“Drop the act Sol, I know none of this is real. We need to leave.”
Nothing is said for a beat but the harsh wind speaks as they take the time to gather themselves. He’s been caught. She’d thrown his fear in his face.
“Lady Iana, please let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to discuss. We need to leave.”
“I’m just trying to protect you!”
“I didn’t ask!” The sharp tones weight echoes across the campus and Sol is stuck, frozen in his tracks.
“Lady Iana, I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t… I couldn’t just let them…”
“Let them kill me.”
“My Lady, I can’t…think about…your sister.”
“This is for the greater good. It’s for everyone’s best interest.”
“Whose interest?” Sol grabs her by the shoulders but he doesn’t muster the courage to look her in the eye, “It’s not Lady Konoha’s, it’s not yours, whose best interest is it.”
“Everyone’s. As I said.”
“Then who will I serve?”
“Konoha… you can go back to her.”
“I didn’t pledge to Konoha!” He’s trembling and he’s gripping the fabric on her shoulders like a scared child clinging for comfort. She can’t see but she knows he’s glaring, golden hair hides his eyes, Iana brushes the hair from his face.
“I know.” She whispers.
She wants to yell, make Sol hate her enough that he’ll want to kill her again. Stab her without mercy like he did the past Iana…but there’s no possible way for her to day that, because Sol is a kind boy.
So kind that there isn’t a hint of anger lingering from him. There is something far worse than that.
“Does my loyalty mean nothing to you? No matter how many times I try to prove myself…you hate me more.”
She forgets that her character is only a seventeen year old boy and she has pushed him to tears. He is a shivering mess unable to face her because she has pushed him to his breaking point, seeing his pain hurts.
“I don’t hate you, Sol.” Streaming tears that are never ending are wiped by her fingers.
“Then what can I do..? What do I..? How can I prove myself to you?” He falls to his knees, glued to her, looking as though the world were in her hands.
A gentle smile rests on her face, pins and needles dance in her throat as she parts her lips.
“Take us home, okay?”
“Please, Lady Iana, I’m begging you.”
“We have to go home.”
He rests his head on her stomach shaking it.
“You need to let me do this.”
“Why, why do you have to? Why do you do these things that no one tells you to? Why can’t you be a bystander for once? Just this once and…and let someone else do it?”
“Who? Konoha?”
“Of course not!”
“Then who?”
“Anyone else!”
“And you’re fine with that. Some innocent person dying in my stead? Anyone?”
“I don’t care. Just tell me who and I’ll take care of them!”
“It doesn’t work like that.”
“What? What doesn’t work?” He’s becoming frustrated. “What is it that is telling you these things?”
Iana shakes her head.
“The only thing I can say is that I only want my sister to be safe.”
“Why can’t Konoha be safe in a world with you in it?”
Iana frowns, then she smiles apologetically at how twisted this must be for him.
“It’s a mistake the me of the past wished for. This is all my fault, the only way I can fix it is by doing this.”
There is no perfect world for Iana, there’s no perfect life where she has friends, a promising career and a love story. There is no universe that exists with Iana and Konoha coexisting.
Her lips tremble as she opens her mouth, “You know, if you keep this up I’ll start to get the wrong idea. I might start thinking I’m the girl you like.”
“Are my feeling really such an absurd idea?”
For the first time in this fake world she gazes up at its fake sky. How could it rain on such a clear day? The world crumbles around her shattering like heart shaped glass.
She closes her eyes.
She opens them.
There is a sapphire fabric that she’s grown use to in the brief months she’s been at the Rose Kingdom. She is tucked under a blanket with the utmost care while being swaddled in Sol’s arms. He lays on top of the blankets with nothing besides the clothes on his body. His back faces the doorway while hers presses against the wall, his last act to keep her from danger perhaps. Her ear is pressed against his heart, its tune is soft matching his sleeping state. Her eyelids flutter closed then open and closed once more. His heart sings her to sleep despite the days she’s already rested. Iana presses closer, her poor butler even in sleep he cannot truly rest with her near.