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No, he doesn’t know where Jonny is, and yes, he’s telling the truth. Why would he cover for him when he has to get the earful every time about how Jonny never rings home any more?
Colin runs a restless hand through his hair as their mother continues to ask questions about his brother’s whereabouts. If it were anyone else, he would have spat a slew of insults their way by now, emphatically stating he is not his brother’s keeper. However, it being his mother, he politely nods along and answers each of her questions with the patience of a saint.
“Next time Tim answers the phone, just have him put Jon on the line, ey?” Colin suggests. Though of course, it could never be that easy. What would him and his mother talk about if not how poorly his brother’s was behaving?
He dutifully listens for a few more minutes before deciding he’s had enough and pretends that Ed has called him over to run through the itinerary for tomorrow. Quietly, as if he isn’t filled with a nebula of conflicting emotions, does Colin hang the phone back on the receiver and sigh. The wall is cool against his forehead as he leans against it, searching for some sort of stability.
It isn’t that he’s cross with Jonny for not talking to his mother. No, it was quite the opposite—he couldn’t care less about Jonathan’s communications with her. When Jonny dropped out of university to pursue the band full time, Colin’s sense that he could influence his younger brother dissipated wholly. For the first time, he realised his brother had become an autonomous adult. He recognises it would be a waste of breath to ask him why he doesn’t ring home.
Though, it would largely be a waste of breath because Colin knows why. It’s the same reason Jonny is nowhere to be found in this current moment—Jonathan Greenwood is far more interested in the whereabouts and happenings of Thomas Yorke.
Of course Colin had picked up on the careful, measured way Jonny’s young eyes would watch Thom from the hallway anytime he came over but didn’t everyone? Teenage Thom was even more so a whirlwind of emotion and abstract interpretation of the postmodern world. Perhaps because he hadn’t yet been squashed by the crippling anxiety of the limelight, Teenage Thom spoke wildly about his dreams and his opinions, all hand gestures and run-on sentences. Colin found himself enamoured with the boy, and he was comfortably heterosexual.
But it was different for Jonny. Whenever Colin’s mates were around, Jonny would at least make an appearance in the kitchen to mutter a, “Hullo,” and allow Colin to wrap him in a hug, blabbering on about how talented his baby brother was. Thom made Jonny act different—skittish and taciturn. Colin tried a few times to beckon Jonny into his room when he found him haunting the hallway like a wraith, but the younger would flee into his room without a sound beyond the slamming of his door.
“Does he hate me?” Thom would always ask; his insecurity was never quite dormant although he had nothing to prove to Colin.
At the time, Jonny had a hard time talking to Colin about anything, let alone his sexuality, but Colin had a sneaking suspicion. He had never shown quite an interest in anyone before, so when Jonny would perk up at the mere mention of Thom’s name, Colin could clearly label the situation:
Jonny Greenwood was and still is hopelessly infatuated with Thom Yorke.
And truly, Colin did not and does not care. He loves his brother all the same regardless of who he loves, and he feels no way about him having feelings for one of his mates, though really, they were close enough for Thom to be Jonny’s mate now. That wasn’t what was bothering him.
What bothered him was how Jonny was expressing it and how Thom was reacting to it.
Colin wished and still wishes that Jonny would just admit to him that he fancies Thom because as much as Jonny likes to pretend he knows Thom like the back of his hand, Colin was there when Thom would cry after their classical guitar lessons because he felt like everyone was doing better than him. He knows Thom and therefore could at least try and help Jonny through the rough patches. He can already see the splintering foundation, but Jonny is an adult.
Jonny is an adult, Jonny is an adult, Jonny is an adult.
Colin can remind himself of that thousands of times a day, yet he still has to bite his tongue when he sees them together. When he sees Jonny pouring out his whole heart to the unintentional black hole that is the horrifically insecure Thom. When he sees Jonny deny, deny, deny, any notion that maybe, possibly he could be more talented than Thom because he knows, they all know Thom will break if he gets wind that anyone thinks he’s incapable of being in the band.
It isn’t that he thinks that Thom is only holding Jonny back. No, it was quite the opposite—he knows that Jonny is too good for Thom.