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Gorgug’s a hero, there’s no denying it. He’s averted at least four global disasters (including personally sealing away the Night Yorb) alongside his party, after all, and he’s still in high school! But the attention that comes with saving the world as part of your high school projects is completely different to the kind of hero Gorgug finds himself now: a local one.
It started last Monday as he was returning home from school. He spotted the smoke pouring out of the Cubbys’ home as he turned down Bricklebrack Street and gunned the engine of his van. When he crested the hill he was greeted with the sight of Bud and Daisy huddled outside, their three children clinging to their waists in terror. No flames were visible, but the smoke indicated a fire coming from the kitchen area. Gorgug quickly pulled a fire extinguisher of his own design out of the back of his van and rushed inside, triggering the device and tossing it into the kitchen where it harmlessly exploded, smothering the fire.
As the smoke caused more people to gather like bipedal moths to the flames, Bud and Daisy immediately began to recount Gorgug’s courageous act, and then as more and more people gathered (including the fire department) Gorgug began to notice that the rumors were already starting. Within twenty minutes he went from merely extinguishing the small stove fire to saving all seven(?) Cubby children from the towering inferno before once more heroically dashing back into the fire to extinguish it with a well-aimed Ray of Frost. No matter the protests he tried to make over the growing hubbub, he was drowned out by the increasingly tall tales of the residents of Little Branch.
To his dismay, he was lauded as the Hero of Little Branch, making him a neighborhood celebrity. If he poked his head out of his house, any neighbors walking by would point and cheer; fairies, gnome, and halflings would stop by all throughout the day to drop off treats and meals in celebration of his courageous act, and several times he would notice students from Mumple or the middle school hanging around outside of Aguefort to give him a high-five or fist bump.
But the accolades didn’t stop. He’d try to do some grocery shopping at the local supermarket when people would begin to crowd him and ask for his autograph. Halfling grandmothers would ask to pose with him at Basrar’s as he tried to hang out with his friends. Letters addressed to him would arrive every day, and some were not even stamped. His celebrity was becoming stifling.
And so when he and the other Bad Kids gather together at Mordred for a dinner potluck, he says as much to his friends, explaining that while he’s glad he’s loved by the community and he would never undo his actions, he wishes that they would forget about the stunt.
“I could disguise myself as you and tarnish your image,” suggests Fig, ready to transform into Gorgug at a moment’s notice.
“Let’s call that ‘Plan D,’ suggests Adaine.
Kristen waves her fork around, salad flying across the table and landing on Riz’s plate. “Dude,” she says, ignoring the mess she is making. “You should just, like, wear a hoodie and put on a face mask and sunglasses! That’s what all the Hollywood celebrities do when they don’t want to be identified!”
“He’s nearly 7 feet tall surrounded by people half his size, Kristen. He stands out,” reminds Adaine.
“Plus I’m already wearing a hoodie.”
“We could fake his death,” suggests Fabian. “Make it dramatic and put on a flashy funeral. Do you think your parents would mind moving across town?”
“We’re not faking his death,” says Riz, picking the dressing-laden lettuce out of his chili and placing it back on Kristen’s plate. She eats it without a second thought.
Riz adds cheese to his chili and thoughtfully stirs it, watching the cheese melt and swirl amongst the beans. “What we need,” he says, “is a distraction. Something to make them either forget the event-”
“How many Modify Memories can Aelwyn perform a day, Adaine?” asks Fig, whipping out her calculator app. “And how many people live in the Little Branch neighborhood?”
Adaine puts her hand over Fig’s crystal and lowers it. “I’m going to stop you right there, Fig. We’re not wiping their memories.”
“OR,” continues Riz, annoyed at being interrupted, “we do something that’s even more spectacular that creates a new celebrity.”
“Oh, good thinking, The Ball!”
Gorgug nods. “I like that idea.”
“Excellent. Now we just need to put someone in danger.”
Adaine covers her face with her hand. “We- We don’t need to endanger someone, Riz.”
“Why not? It’s more exciting this way. Plus, we need to really sell it.”
“Ok, so who’s going to be the victim and who’s going to be the hero?” asks Kristen, once more waving around her fork as she talks. Riz protectively huddles over his chili.
“Oh! Me! Me! I’ll be the damsel~in~distress~!” volunteers Fig. “I’ve got the acting chops and I can disguise myself as whoever we need to sell the part!”
“Perfect. What’s your plight?” continues Kristen.
“Hmm… We could do another fire! As an archdevil I am officially fireproof!”
“Ok, while that’s not a terrible idea, I say let’s try to avoid actually setting things on fire,” says Adaine.
“Boo!”
“Yeah, boo!” adds Kristen.
Gorgug raises his hand. “I vote not-fire. I know you’re fireproof, Fig, but it’s really scary. Plus, what if something falls on you?”
“What if she were getting mugged and I stepped in to save her?” Fabian asks.
“That might work…” muses Fig. “But who’s the mugger?”
“The Ball?”
“What? Don’t tell me it’s because I’m a goblin and you’re just going to typecast me as the bad guy?!”
“What!? Why The Ball! I would never!”
Riz glares and hisses at Fabian. “Then why?”
“Well, Kristen would probably trip on her sandals and stab herself with the knife, Gorgug’s too well-known and we want to take attention off of him. Fig’s already playing the victim, Adaine’s best off choreographing this whole thing from a distance, and I’m playing the hero! You’re the only one left!. Plus if you wear a ski mask and hide your ears and tuck your tail in your pants, no one will know you’re a goblin.” Riz opens his mouth to object, but Fabian continues on. “And you’ve got the best knife skills out of all of us. We spar a lot and I’d trust you to make it look realistic without actually hurting anyone.”
Riz shuts his mouth and sulks, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks around the table and sees nine eyes looking at him expectantly. At last he throws his hands in the air and says “Fine. I’ll be the evil little bad guy!”
“Yaaaaaaay!’ cheer Fig and Kristen, as Adaine and Fabian high-five. Gorgog looks over at Riz, who rolls his eyes and smirks.
“Don’t worry, Gorgug. I’m all in. We’ve got this.”
They decide to enact their scheme at the local corner market that weekend, going over their roles and lines all week at Seacaster Manor where prying eyes cannot see what they’re up to. At last the fateful day comes and Fig casts Polymorph on herself to transform into a gnome.
“Just call me Cobbledot Thumptyspoon,” she titters, getting into her role. “I’m a thirty-seven year-old up-and-coming influencer mother of two who loves glamping and haute couture! My girls Twalanna and Bizzlepop are the lights of my life and I luuuuurve shopping at Fantasy Target! Oh Em Gee!”
Adaine retches.
Riz limps over to her, a fake beard tied to his face and holding a sinister-looking dagger, the edge curvy and serrated. “A- And I am Bondeg Ironbelly,” he recites half-heartedly. “A down-on-his luck dwarf who really just needs a hot meal and a therapist but I’ve turned to a life of crime after the accident at the steel mill cost me my job.”
He turns to Fig and grunts, brandishing the dagger. “Give me your money, you strumpet-” He stops and turns to his left to look over at Fabian who is waiting off to the side. “Fabian, no one calls anyone a ‘strumpet’ anymore!”
“Well it’s just rude to call her a ho!” he hisses back.
“Why are those the only two extremes you can come up with?!” wails Adaine.
“Cobbledot is not a ho!” Fig says, reeling back in offense.
“Exactly. She’s a floozy,” says Kristen.
“Thank you!”
Riz hisses, drawing everyone’s attention back to him. “Give me your money, you floozy, or I’ll gut ya!”
“Oh, help! Won’t somebody help me?!” cries Cobbledot.
“Get back, your would-be thief!” shouts Fabian, dashing in with fancy footwork and flashing sword.
“”Argh! You have overpowered me with your heroics! I must run away before I am caught!” Riz turns tail and limps away to hide in the shadows.
“And cut! Perfect!” calls out Kristen. “We’ve got a winner! Let’s pile into the van and get ourselves set up ASAP!”
They set up outside the local grocery store during peak hours, with Fig walking around outside flaunting her (prestidigitated) wealth as Fabian leans against the Hangman, pretending to check his crystal.
As Fig also pretends to check her crystal, around the corner rushes a dwarf with a ski mask pulled down over his face, the braids of his beard jutting out from beneath the balaclava.
Fig hops to attention, realizing she must have missed her cue, but watches as the figure speeds right past her and enters the grocery store.
“...Riz?” she asks, perplexed. Fabian catches her confusion and shoots her a Message: Was that The Ball?
Yeah! He just ran right past me into the grocery store! He wasn’t even limping like his character’s supposed to. What about his backstory about the steel mill?
That’s not like him to leave out the backstory…
“Everybody freeze! This is a robbery!” comes a gruff voice from within the store. A gunshot goes off and Fig and Fabian can hear the customers and staff scream.
“Ok, he’s really going off-script!” says Fig, rushing inside with Fabian on her heels.
“We’ll just have to improvise!” he whispers, his voice low and harsh.
Fig stands on the doorway, adopting a frail stance and shrieks “Eeek! Robber! Somebody help!”
Taking the new cue, Fabian rushes in, drawing his sword and swishing it around flamboyantly.
“Halt, you miscreant!” He shouts, brandishing the tip at the thief.
“Shit! What's an adventurer doing here??” growls the hooded figure, leveling the gun at Fabian's heart.
Fabian glowers at the robber. Something is definitely off, but he can't put his finger on it. Well, alright, The Ball is going off-script, sure, and he's endangering others when he totally wouldn't do that… and then at last it clicks for him, the oddity that was standing out, plain as day: that's not Riz's Solar Gun.
With lightning reflexes Fabian whips out his sheet and dodges the bullet that the robber fires in the confusion. He then brings up his sword and expertly slashes at the dwarf's hand, causing him to drop his weapon and Fabian kicks it to the side.
“Cobbledot, call the cops. We've got a would-be robber to hand over to them,” he says coolly. The shop breaks out in cheers.
Outside, Riz limps around the corner, dagger in hand. The blasted fake beard had taken forever to stuff inside the balaclava, but as he looks around, he sees a distinct lack of Cobbledot Thumptyspoon or Fabian Aramais Seacaster and pauses. The sudden, approaching wail of a siren confirms for him that something is off and he melts back into the shadows, disappearing before he has a lot of explaining to do.
By the time the cops clear out and haul one sullen Mr. Voggamir Nailthrasher off to the precinct for processing, Gorgug, Kristen, Adaine, and Riz (after a costume change) arrive at the shop to see what the fuss is about. Fabian stands surrounded by shoppers and bystanders alike, all clamoring for his autograph or to shake his hand. Someone offers to buy him a drink. As Gorgug enters the store – as usual looming over the group of littlefolk that make up the Little Branch neighborhood – he watches as they turn their heads, take notice of him, and then turn back to swarming Fabian. He lets out a sigh of relief and wades through the crowd to get close to his friend and find out what happened.
It turns out that the crowd is more than happy to regale Fabian’s heroic act, and by the time the group is finished embellishing the events, Fabian had single-handedly taken out a cadre of thieves who had taken the entire store hostage with their time bomb that Fabian had managed to defuse with only seconds to spare. The rest of The Bad Kids watch as Fabian eats up all the attention and even throws in false details of his own.
Three days later, Gorgug finds that life has returned to normal for him, his neighbors no longer haranguing him with unwanted attention. He shops in peace, goes to school without fear of being stalked, and hangs out at Basrar’s without interruption. …Well, minimal interruption, because as the latest hero of Little Branch, Fabian soaks up the applause and happily poses for pictures with his new fans, and both young men wouldn’t want it any other way. Content, Gorgug sips his milkshake in relative peace and slides down into the booth, letting his hoodie hide his face. He’s obscure once more and he couldn’t be happier.