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Toddler Distribution System

Summary:

Simon and Baz get an urgent call from Fiona asking them to come over. It's odd but it could be anything. 'Anything' is actually 3 years old and comes with a blanket and sippy cup.

Notes:

I posted this on Tumblr originally! Thought it might do well over here too! It hasn't been proof-read since it's original posting so if something is weird or wrong… my bad.

Enjoy my short story!

Work Text:

Baz and Simon truly did not know what had caused Fiona to call them so frantically. Of course, they got in their car right away and sped off toward Fiona's flat in London immediately, whether they understood what they were walking into or not, but this was still an unprecedented occurrence.

"Just get here fucking quickly, okay!" Fiona had screamed from the other end of Baz's cellphone. And then they left for London.

The car ride had been full of speculation.

"Do you think Nicodemus was stupid enough to accidentally knock her up?" Simon had mused before they got out of the car.

"Not if he wants to keep the last half of the life he is hanging onto by a single undead thread." Baz huffed. Clearly not thrilled with the idea of his aunt becoming a mother… ever.

Baz hadn't even knocked on the door to Fiona's apartment before the door flung open. In her arms was a toddler with his (they thought it was a his) arms flailing around like he wanted nothing more than to escape out the front door. The small boy had curly black hair and gray eyes that looked eerily similar to the vampiric ones that Simon had fallen for years ago. His skin was as dark as Shepard's.

He was a rather cute kid. They both might otherwise coo and aww at him if it wasn't for the fact he was currently being held by Fiona.

"WHAT THE FUCK FIONA!?!" Baz yelled. His eyes were wide and absolutely trying to escape their sockets just as much as the toddler was trying to escape Fiona.

"Language, Basilton. He is three. That's old enough to pick up swear words." Fiona scolded. Then she held the toddler out toward Simon.

"Please, take it. I am not made for this level of chaos."

Simon scooped up the toddler on command and started to bounce him in his arms on instinct.

"I second Baz's phrasing." Simon added. He didn't have anything of substance to say, but he was frankly cursing the universe for letting him make that joke earlier, knowing this was what awaited them.

"It's… not mine. Obviously." Fiona started.

"I was out on the job. The vampire I was after was a proper nasty one. Evidently, he had the ethics of Satan himself and thought that threatening to bite a toddler would persuade me to not kill him."

Baz looked at the toddler, then Fiona, back to the toddler, and then back to Fiona.

"Crowley… Don't tell me he actually…"

Simon walked into the house with the toddler on his hip still flailing. Not saying a word. This was probably not something he wanted to interrupt with his own opinions yet. Especially knowing about Baz's own experiences with his turning.

"I wouldn't call you for this if he hadn't." Fiona sighed. She and Baz were still standing at the door.

"Look… me and Nico are not… seven snakes; we couldn't even take proper care of a fully human child."

Baz looked at the toddler and then stepped in.

"What about his original parents?" Baz asked. Stupid thing to ask. He knew what most parents would do in that situation. He used to fear that his own mother would have done the same thing.

"Didn't want him. Gave him to me after I killed the bastard who bit him and then left." Fiona answered back softly. She was definitely aware of how Baz would view this kind of situation. It hit too close to home.

"And you want us to take care of him?" Simon interjected finally.

Fiona didn't answer the question. Which was an answer in and of itself.

Baz was painfully silent for a total of eight seconds that felt like forever to Simon. Then he sighed.

"Does the kid have a name?" Baz inquired, walking over to the boy and Simon. The look on his face was solemn and a little pained. Simon couldn't imagine what was going through his head right now.

"Marshall? I think?" Fiona walked to the counter in her kitchen and grabbed a sippy cup and light blue blankie that must have come with the kid. Both had the name 'Marshall' on them.

"Marshall." Simon repeated. "Cute name."

Fiona walked over to Baz and held out the blanket and sippy.

"Marshall Pitch now." Fiona stated firmly.

Baz grabbed the items and looked at the boy and Simon again. His face was still a mix of shock and sadness.

"We have to take him, Baz. He doesn't deserve to have to live in homes because of this." Simon said. He started to lightly comb his hand through Marshall's curly black hair.

"He wouldn't make it past thirteen regardless. No home or parents are equipped to deal with a vampire kid. My family only managed because I knew not to drink the maid on my own." Baz added.

Fiona sat down on the couch. "Please, take him. If you don't. I don't know what else to do with him."

Baz and Simon responded in sync with matching tones of conviction. "We'll take him."

Then they both looked at each other. "I've never taken care of a kid in my life." Simon said, but he pulled Marshall in close to him. Which Marshall immediately protested against by flailing his arms. It didn't seem to bother Simon, though.

"Well, I have half a summoning circle's worth of little siblings, so… I've kind of got experience if you squint hard enough." Baz said, picking up the still flailing toddler.

"Ona! Thirsty!" Marshall squeaked, looking at Fiona.

Simon practically squealed. "Oh my snakes, he calls you Ona!"

Fiona got up from the couch, nabbing the sippy cup from Baz's hand and heading toward the fridge to grab some milk.

"Yeah, yeah. It's cute. "Whatever," she huffed.

"Just take the brat home with you, will you? I'll go insane if he has to spend the night here."

Simon stood up and ruffled Marshall's hair again.

"We are more than happy to preserve your sanity."

Baz scoffed. "Simon is more than happy. I'm mildly tolerant at best."

Baz might have had some conflicting personal trauma stuff going on in the back of his head, but… he was maybe just a little excited to have a little puff of his own.