Archive of Our Own

Sodapop woke with a start, groaning in pain as he hit...the floor? Why was he in the floor? He put a hand on his forehead, hissing at the pain. His fingers came back covered in crimson. "Great," he sighed. He must have hit his head when he'd fallen out of bed...apparently? Which he still didn't understand how he'd managed to do.

Upon sitting up, Soda noticed that Ponyboy was thrashing around in the bed, and that's when it clicked. He hadn't fallen out of bed. Pony had accidentally knocked him off. His brother must be having a nightmare.

This certainly wasn't new to Soda. Pony had always gotten bad nightmares. They were really bad after their parents died, but they'd calmed down a little since then. Now, after losing Johnny and Dally...the nightmares had unfortunately, returned.

Soda hurried to get back into bed and help his brother out of the nightmare he was currently trapped in. He untangled himself from the covers, laying them instead on top of Pony. He knew if you were cold at night, you were more likely to have bad dreams. He'd started reading a book about how to prevent nightmares when Pony's were really bad after their parents died.

Now, Sodapop Curtis hated reading and wouldn't be caught dead in a library or reading a book unless he had no other choice. But all he wanted was to help his brother. He could never get a good night's rest because he was trapped in his own head half the night. It kept Soda and Darry up too. Not that they blamed Pony or were angry with him at all. It was just taking such a huge toll on all three of them, and Soda was willing to do anything to help. Even read a book.

Once Pony was wrapped up tightly, Soda gently shook his brother. "Pony. Hey, come on. Pony, wake up."

The extra blankets proved useless when Ponyboy just continued thrashing and knocked them right off.

Sodapop sighed, shaking his brother a little bit harder. "Come on, kiddo, wake up for me. Open your eyes, honey."

Pony's head turned to the left, then to the right, eyes still squeezed shut tightly. "I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I'm so sorry."

Soda stared down at his brother momentarily. "What?" He whispered, before continuing to try and wake him. "Ponyboy!" He spoke louder, but still calm and gentle. In a way that only Sodapop could. "Pony, it's okay, you're just dreamin.' Open your eyes baby, please."

Finally, after what felt like an eternity to Soda, but was in reality less than five minutes, Ponyboy's eyes shot open.

Sodapop let out a sigh of relief, loosening his grip on his brother. "Hey, honey. You okay?"

Ponyboy sat up so quickly he almost hit Soda in the head, he just barely managed to move out of the way in time. Soda stared at his brother; confusion written all over his face. Pony's eyes were open... but they were unblinking. He was also staring straight ahead; almost as if he was unaware Soda was even there. "Ponyboy?" Sodapop said, almost fearfully. "Pony?"

Pony said nothing. Instead, he removed the covers and stood up and left the room. Soda was left sitting on the bed alone, feeling more confused than he ever had in his life. "What the-?"

Darry shut the ice box, taking a sip from the glass of water in his hand. He nearly jumped out of his skin though when he saw a person standing behind the door.

"Glory, Pony, ya scared me half to death." Darry said, laughing slightly as he took another drink.

When Ponyboy didn't answer, and just continued staring at him, Darry sat his mug on the kitchen table. "Pony?" He questioned, looking his brother up and down. "You alright?"

Still, Ponyboy said nothing. He just continued to stare -not at but- through Darry. Eyes open wide, and unblinking.

"Ponyboy?" Darry snapped his fingers in front of his brother's face - still nothing.

"There ya are, Pone." Soda suddenly came running into the room. "I don't know what happened, man. He was havin' a nightmare, and I thought I woke him up... but then he just up and left. Didn't even say a dang thing to me."

"Me either." Darry said, still staring hard at his brother. "I think he's sleepwalking."

Soda's eyes widened. "Sleepwalkin'? But he ain't done that since-"

"I know." Darry cut his brother off.  He placed his hands on Ponyboy's shoulders. "Come on, kiddo, it's time for bed."

"I'm sorry." Pony said suddenly, no emotion in his voice whatsoever.

"It's okay, Pony you don't need to be sorry." Sodapop told him gently. "You're alright."

"It's all my fault."

Darry shushed his brother and began leading him down the hallway.

"I never meant for this to happen."

"It's okay, Pony." Soda said, helping his brother into bed and covering him with the blankets.

"I'm so, so sorry."

Soda hopped in bed beside his brother, wrapping an arm around his waist, and gently stroking his hair. "It's alright. Ya ain't gotta apologize, honey. Go to sleep now."

Well, he was technically asleep... just not... properly.

Ponyboy's eyes slowly closed, and his breathing evened out just a couple short minutes later.

Darry and Soda finally relaxed when they realized Pony was asleep. He sunk into the pillows, curling in close to Sodapop, who tightened his grip and continued stroking his brother's hair. He rubbed soothing circles on Pony's back with his other hand.

"What happened to your head?"

"Huh?" Soda looked up at Darry's voice. "Oh." He instinctively reached up to touch the gash, which he'd forgotten about until now. Soda shook his head slowly. "He accidentally knocked me outta bed during his nightmare."

Darry sighed, looking down at his brothers. "You alright?"

Sodapop quickly nodded. "It don't really hurt that bad. I'll be fine. Not like he meant to or nothin'."

"Just 'cause it was an accident doesn't mean it don't hurt."

"I'm fine, Dar. Really."

Darry gave his brother a long, hard stare, finally deciding he believed him. "Alright." He said, standing up. "Think he's out for the night?"

Sodapop nodded. "He doesn't normally have more than one. Seems to be sleepin' pretty good now."

"Okay." Darry said. "See y'all in the mornin.'"

"Night." Soda said.

He watched Darry go before turning back to his little brother, who was sleeping peacefully. Soda was glad, boy did this kid need it. "Night, little buddy." He kissed Ponyboy's head, laid down beside him, and quickly drifted off.

"Mornin' Pepsi-Cola."

Soda stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing at his eyes. His shower hadn't woken him up nearly as much as he'd hoped it would. He sat down at the table. "Morinin.'"

"Pony still sleepin'?"

Soda nodded. "He needs it, 'specially after last night."

Darry sat a plate of eggs in front of his brother. "Eat up."

"I can't eat eggs without-" Soda stopped talking when Darry sat the jar of grape jelly in front of him.

"Thanks." Soda smirked.

Darry shook his head. "I'll never understand you, Sodapop Curtis."

Sodapop laughed. "You're just boring."

"I think the word you're lookin' for is normal." Darry said, sitting across from Soda and taking a sip of his coffee.

"Nah." Soda said, shaking his head. "Normal's boring. Life's a lot more fun when you're weird."

Darry shook his head, a small chuckle escaping him.

They both looked up when Ponyboy walked into the room.

"Mornin', kiddo." Darry said.

"Mornin'. Pony yawned as he sat down at the table.

Darry stood up, walking over to the counter.

"You okay?" Soda asked.

Ponyboy nodded. "Just tired. Feel like I barely slept at all."

"You don't remember anything?" Darry asked, placing a plate of eggs and toast in front of Ponyboy.

Pony stared at the food before looking up at Darry and frowning. "No..." He said slowly. "Did I have another nightmare?" He put his hands on his face.

Sodapop placed a hand on Ponyboy's shoulder. "Yeah, ya did honey."

"I guess I woke y'all up." He took his hands off his face but stared at his lap. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't you worry about that." Soda said gently.

Ponyboy looked up at his brother. "What happened to your head?"

"Huh?" Soda said. "Oh, this." He touched the gash with two fingers. "It's nothin'. I-uh- I just...tripped when I got outta bed this mornin.' Yeah."

Ponyboy shook his head. "It ain't that fresh."

"Oh ---- um...last night, I mean. Last night when I went to bed."

"You've always been a terrible liar, Soda. I did that didn't I? I knocked ya outta bed again?"

Sodapop looked up at Ponyboy, a sheepish look on his face. "Yeah." He sighed. "Don't worry 'bout it though, kiddo. I'm fine, it don't even hurt."

"I'm sorry." Ponyboy said, looking guilty. Soda swore his brother was blinking back tears.

"Oh, honey." Soda put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "You ain't gotta apologize. I'm alright. I promise, don't feel bad, okay? You didn't even know ya did it. That's the last thing on my mind right now. So don't you spend all day lettin' the guilt eat ya alive, okay?"

He stared at his brother for a long time, before finally nodding. "Okay." 

"Ponyboy." Darry said, sitting backwards in the chair to the right of his brother.

Pony looked up at him, picking up his fork. "Yeah?" He said slowly.

"Last night..." Darry began, choosing his words carefully. The last thing he wanted to do was spook his brother. "It wasn't just a nightmare."

"What do you mean?" Pony asked, chewing a bite of his eggs.

"Something else happened too." Darry told him.

Ponyboy's eyebrows knit together. "What?"

"You were sleepwalking."

Ponyboy turned to face Sodapop with wide eyes. "Sleepwalking? But, I haven't done that since..."

"We know, honey." Soda said gently.

"Look Pony, is anything bothering you?" Darry asked. "I don't want this to get any worse."

"Nope." Pony said quickly, taking a bite of toast.

Darry and Soda shared a glance with each other.

"Pony." Soda said. "We're just worried about you, that's all."

"Well, don't be. I'm fine." He stood up and put his plate in the sink.

"Yeah, but what if next time we don't wake up and you walk right into traffic?" Darry said.

Ponyboy froze, fork falling from his fingers and into the sink with a clank.

Darry ran a hand over his face, not missing the glare Soda was giving him. "I'm not trying to scare you, Ponyboy. But... we lost our parents and our best friends... I'm not about to lose my kid brother too. Last time this happened it was because mom and dad died. We almost lost you then and I'm not about to lose you now."

Ponyboy was quiet for a long time, before he finally turned around. "I'm fine." He shrugged. "Gotta get to school." He hurried off to his room to grab his backpack.

Darry pinched his nose, and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Dar---"

"Go get your shoes on Soda, you're gonna be late for work."

Soda stared at his brother for a moment, before sighing and hurrying off to find his shoes.  When he walked in, Pony was putting his backpack on and looked up at him.

"Pony, wait." Soda said, searching for his shoes.

Pony sighed but turned around. "Not now, Soda."

"Look, Pony if----"

"They're under the bed."

Soda stopped momentarily, before bending down and looking under the bed. Sure enough, he saw both his shoes. He reached his arm under to grab them, chuckling to himself. He sat on the bed and started putting them on, before finally looking up. "Hey, thanks a lot kiddo----" But Ponyboy was already gone. He shook his head and put the other shoe on. "Sly lil' brat." He mumbled to himself.

The second Ponyboy walked into the living room, the front door opened and Two-Bit and Steve walked in.

"Come on, we gotta get to school." Pony said, practically shoving them right back out the door.

"Woah, kid at least let me grab a piece of cake first." Two-Bit said.

"Yeah, we got at least five, ten minutes to spare----"

"Nope." Pony cut Steve off. "We gotta go now."

"Pony!" Soda yelled, as he came back into the room.

"See ya after school!" Pony yelled, slamming the door closed behind him.

Steve and Two-Bit shared a confused look but followed Ponyboy out to the car anyway.

Soda sighed, turning to face Darry. "I'll talk to him later."

Darry moved his stare from where it had been fixed on the door over to his brother. He looked at him for a moment before grabbing the keys. "We're gonna be late. Let's go."

Sodapop threw his flannel and jeans on the floor, walking into his room after getting ready for bed. "Hey, kiddo."

The only reply that came from Pony was a short "hmm." He was lying in the bed on his stomach reading. Which certainly wasn't unusual.

Sodapop sighed heavily and sat down on the bed. "What ya readin?'"

"Great Expectations." He didn't look up from his book.

"Is it any good?"

"Yeah."

"Listen, Pony----"

Pony sighed. He knew exactly what was coming.

"Your nightmares are gettin' bad again. They haven't been this bad since mom and died. You started sleepwalkin' then too. And now with Johnny and Dally..."

"I'm just stressed at school, Soda." Ponyboy shut his book. "It's been hard to catch up after everything I missed. That's all."

"Pony." Soda sighed. "You ain't never had nightmares because of stress from school."

"I ain't never been this behind in school either." Pony said simply. "I'm tired, Soda." He laid down and turned towards the wall.

Soda looked down at his brother, sighing sadly. He placed a hand on his shoulder. "Y'know, I'm always here for ya, right Pony? If you need to talk or just need someone to listen. Heck, if you just need a shoulder to cry on, I got two of 'em."

Ponyboy blinked back his tears, no matter how tempting the idea of crying into his brother's shoulder was. He just couldn't face him, or his own feelings for that matter. It was all becoming too much. "Can you turn out the light?"

Soda removed his hand from Ponyboy's shoulder, sighing. "Yeah." He shut off the lamp, turning away from his brother. "Night, Pony."

That night, Pony didn't dream, but he silently cried himself to sleep. And so did Soda.

Soda shook his head as tears streamed down his cheeks. "He won't talk to me. I-I don't know why he won't talk to me."

"It ain't you, Soda." Darry said, placing a hand on his brother's shoulder. "This is how he gets when he's upset. He shuts down, gets lost in his head. Tries to shut out the world. You know that, honey."

"Yeah, I know." Soda sniffled and wiped his nose. "But he's always talked to me. Throughout everything he's never shut me out."

"I know." Darry sighed. "That's what's scarin' me 'bout this.

"We gotta find a way to get him out." Soda said. "'fore he drowns in his own mind."

Ponyboy sat up abruptly in bed. He quickly threw off the covers and got up, leaving the room, Sodapop still sleeping soundly.

He went straight to the bathroom, turning on the light and shutting the door behind him. He walked over to the bathtub and turned on the water, watching it slowly fill up.

Pony stared at the water with wide, unblinking eyes. "I'll make it right." He whispered. "I'll make it right."

Once the water finally reached the top, Ponyboy turned the handle to the off position. The old faucet squeaked loudly with the movement. "For Johnny." He said, stepping into the water. "For Johnny."

Ponyboy stared down at the water, seeing his reflection. But it slowly morphed from his face to Johnny's, right after he killed Bob.

That sad, horrified, shocked, guilty look in his eyes that Ponyboy could never ever forget. Johnny didn't deserve to feel that way. Johnny was too good for this world. But Ponyboy wasn't. He only caused trouble. It was all his fault anyway.

"If I drown, then Johnny never has to kill Bob. And he never has to die."

And Ponyboy sunk into the water.

Sodapop rolled over, he raised his arm to put it over his brother but was met with an empty bed.

He sat up, rubbing a hand over his face and trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes. "Pony?"

His spot on the bed was empty. Soda looked around the room, seeing no signs of his brother. "Ponyboy?"

Soda jumped out of bed, practically flying down the hallway. All the lights in the house were off, except the bathroom light. He fought the urge to run right in, knocking instead. "Pony? Ponyboy you in there?!"

Nothing.

"Okay, Pony I'm comin' in!" He waited five more seconds before opening the door.

Sodapop stopped breathing at the sight before him.

The bathtub was filled to the brim with water, and the floor was wet too. But worst of all... Ponyboy was in bathtub, underwater.

Sodapop thought he was going to be sick. He knew he would've been if he hadn't began moving so quickly, knowing he simply had no time to be sick.

"PONYBOY!!!" He shouted, reaching into the tub and frantically pulling his brother's dripping wet, limp body out.

He carefully laid Pony on the bathroom floor, his head lolled to the side, his chest was still.

"PONY! PONYBOY!" Sodapop shook his brother, but he didn't move. "DARRY!"He yelled at the top of his lungs. Soda placed his hand over Pony's nose and mouth. Nothing. "Oh glory, Ponyboy." Soda's breath was coming in short, loud gasps.

"What happened?" Darry shouted, as he darted into the room.

"He ain't breathin', Darry!" Soda yelled. "Pony's not breathing!" The yell quickly turned into a painful, desperate cry.

Darry had to force himself to move. All he wanted to do was sit down and cry. But no, he couldn't do that. He was the adult here. His baby brother was on the floor. And Darry had to save him, or he was going to die.

Ponyboy's skin was gray, lips blue, body frighteningly limp.

Darry kneeled down on the floor next to Pony, immediately starting CPR. He took a class when he got custody of his brothers. And boy was he grateful for that decision right now.

Soda sat on his knees, weeping at the sight before him.

His baby brother wasn't breathing, he was drowning...or maybe he already had.

His big brother was doing CPR on him.

Soda was certain that this was the most painful thing he would ever see.

"Come on, Pony." Darry said, as he pushed against his brother's chest. "Come on, baby, breathe for me!"

Ponyboy's body shook with each and every compression, and Soda felt sick. But he took Pony's hand in his. "Please, Ponyboy." He cried. "Please, please breathe."

"Open your eyes, Pony." Darry said. "Come on kid, open your eyes!"

Darry wanted to curl up in a ball and just cry.

One brother wasn't breathing.

The other was bawling.

And he was the only hope his brother possibly had of ever opening his eyes again.

How could this possibly be reality?

"We're right here, Pony. Come on, breathe, honey. Open those green eyes for us." Soda begged; voice so desperate that Darry almost broke down right there on the bathroom floor.

And then, finally, after what felt like an eternity ----but was actually about five minutes---- Ponyboy coughed.

Darry rolled Pony on to his side, so he could cough up all the water he'd inhaled. "That's it, baby." He said. "Get it all out."

Once Ponyboy seemed to be done, Darry turned him over on his back again.

"There ya go." Soda said, still gripping his brother's hand tightly.

Pony finally opened his eyes, gasping loudly.

Soda started crying even harder from relief. "There you are, honey" He brushed a hand through his hair. "Hey, Pony."

Ponyboy took a few deep, gasping breaths, looking up at his brothers with big, wide eyes. "S-" He coughed. "Soda?"

"Yeah, kiddo." Soda gave him a gentle smile. "I'm right here honey, we both are."

Ponyboy looked around. "Wha-what h-happened?"

"Maybe you can tell us." Darry said.

Pony looked up at him, eyebrows knit.

Sodapop took a deep breath. "I found you underwater in the bathtub. It was full, you weren't movin', you weren't breathin'."

Ponyboy stared at his brother, eyes wide and shock written all over his face. "What?" He whispered shaking his head. "N-no, I-I didn't do that."

"Pony-"

But Ponyboy cut Sodapop off. "I-I don't even know how I got here." He looked around the room, almost as if he didn't even recognize the four walls around him.

Soda and Darry shared a concerned glance. "Were you sleepwalkin' again, kiddo?"

Ponyboy gasped and turned to look at his oldest brother. Darry saw shock, confusion, and so much fear in his baby brother's eyes, and it was breaking his heart.

"You have a nightmare honey?" Soda squeezed his brother's shoulder.

Ponyboy thought so hard his head hurt. "I-I don't remember." He shook his head. "The last thing I remember is goin' to bed. How did I get in here?!"

Tears sprang into Ponyboy's eyes. He was confused and scared and starting to panic. Soda quickly pulled his brother into his arms, hugging him tightly.

Pony let out a shaky breath, clinging to his brother like a lifeline.

Soda shushed his little brother, rubbing his back with one hand, combing his fingers through his hair with the other.

Pony buried his face in Soda's chest, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"You're okay, Pony." Soda said, voice soft and tender, even though he was scared to death.

"I-I'm sorry." Ponyboy cried. "I-I didn't mean to."

"Hey." Sodapop said. "This ain't your fault, Pone. Quit apologizin'."

"You were sleepwalkin', buddy." Darry said, his voice gentler than Pony had ever heard.

"It's alright." Soda soothed. "You're alright, darlin'. Shhh."

After about ten minutes of Soda's soothing voice and gentle hands, Ponyboy finally went to sleep in his brother's arms. "He's out." Soda whispered.

Darry nodded. "Give 'im to me, I'll carry him to bed."

Soda carefully maneuvered so that Darry could take Ponyboy. The youngest Curtis stirred slightly but luckily stayed asleep. Looking down at Pony, lying so still in his arms, Darry had never seen him look so small, fragile, and helpless. His heart ached for his baby brother.

Sodapop opened the bathroom and bedroom doors for his brothers.

Darry laid Pony in the bed and Soda grabbed some dry pajamas for himself and his brother (both of theirs were completely soaked.)

Once Pony was settled, Soda climbed into bed next to him. He propped his head up on his hand, placing the other one in Pony's hair.

Darry sat in the chair at Ponyboy's desk.

"Dar?" Soda finally whispered.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, little buddy."

Soda nodded.

Their eyes never left Ponyboy.

They never went back to sleep that night.

"Hey, buddy."

"Hey." Ponyboy didn't look up from his drawing.

Soda sighed, taking a seat next to his brother on the couch. "I wanted to talk to ya 'bout last night."

Pony didn't look up, but Soda noticed that his pencil began moving much more rapidly.

"Sorry for wakin' y'all."

"Oh, shoot don't worry about that, kiddo." Soda said, waving his hand nonchalantly.

"I already told y'all, I don't remember nothin.'"

"I know that, Pone. What I don't know is why this happened,"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Pony answered simply.

Sodapop watched as Ponyboy scribbled harder on the paper, he was certain the paper was about to rip. Pony always liked drawing when he felt angry, it helped him get his feelings out of his head and onto the page.

"Is there somethin' botherin' ya, sweethheart?"

"Like what?"

"You know you can talk to me, don't ya? About anything little colt?"

Ponyboy's pencil froze for less than a second, but it was enough for Soda to notice.

"Ain't nothin' to talk about. I'm fine."

Soda sighed. "Pony----"

"You ain't fine."

Ponyboy's head snapped up when Darry appeared in the doorway. He finally put his pencil down. "How would you know?"

"Cause you nearly drowned yourself sleepwalkin', Ponyboy! That ain't normal."

Fear and hurt flashed across his brother's eyes, but it was replaced by anger in just a second.

"Darry!" Soda glared his brother.

Pony slammed his notebook shut. "I'm goin' for a run." He was up and out the door before either of his brothers had a chance to say anything.

"Why'd ya do that?" Soda stood and crossed his arms.

"All I said was the truth." 

"But you didn't have to say it like that." He threw his hands up, exasperated. "He's sensitive. He's havin' a hard enough time as it is."

Darry shook his head. "I just want to help him."

"I know that honey." Soda sighed. "But he's never gonna open up if you just yell at 'im."

"I'm just so worried, Soda. I mean, he almost drowned last night. I was doin' CPR on him and... glory he looked so small. And the way his body shook..." Darry forced his tears back. "I ain't ever gonna forget that."

"I ain't either." Soda said, placing a hand on Darry's shoulder, staring into space.

"How we gonna get him through this if he won't even talk to us?"

Soda squeezed Darry's shoulder. "Same way we've gotten through all the terrible things life gives us. Together."

Two days passed, and Darry and Soda tried ----glory did they try---- to get Ponyboy to talk. But he kept his mouth shut tight.

Soda almost managed to get through to him more than once, but Pony would get up and leave every time. It was driving Soda crazy.

Darry was scared to death that Pony was gonna get himself killed if this happened again. He couldn't sleep from the worry. So, he stayed up in his recliner, ready to put Pony back to bed if he started sleepwalking again.

Around 3 am He sat his mug on the coffee table, fighting to keep his eyes open. He'd had an awful long day at work and was going on 3 nights with next to no sleep. It was starting to take its toll on him.

And just ten short minutes later, when a body stumbled out past him, Darry was dead to the world, along with Sodapop.

Ponyboy stumbled down the street. It was slightly chilly, but the temperature didn't bother him at that moment. He was only focused on one thing. "Get to the lot. Save him."

That was the only thing on Ponyboy's mind. He wasn't paying attention to his surroundings. He walked right past stop signs without stopping and crossed every street without looking.

The moon shone brightly above him, it was a starry night. Under any normal circumstance he would be staring at the sky, looking closely at each and every star. But not tonight. Tonight...his eyes were open wide, unblinking and glazed over.

"I gotta get there first" He stared straight ahead, walking with determination. "I gotta save him. I gotta tell Dally. I don't think he knows."

Darry's eyes snapped open. He groaned and tried to rub the sleep out of them. It wasn't much use though. He shifted his glance towards the clock on the wall, and once his vision cleared, he saw that it was 3:15. "Oh, no."

He rubbed his face and quickly stood up. He walked down the hall to his brothers' room, opening the door very slowly, not wanting to wake ----hopefully---- them. But just as he feared, only one body laid in the bed. And it wasn't Ponyboy's. "Dang it! Soda, wake up!"

Darry was gone from the doorway before he even finished his sentence. Out of the corner of his eye he thought he saw Soda flinch awake and let out a tired "Huh?"

He checked every room in the house, the front yard and backyard. Ponyboy was nowhere to be found.

The back door slammed closed behind Darry just as Soda stumbled out of his room, practically tripping over his own feet. "Dar, what's wrong?"

"Pony ain't here." He spoke quickly, already grabbing the car keys.

Sodapop sighed and ran a hand over his face, trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes. "Well, where is he?!"

Darry tossed Soda his jacket, already in the middle of putting his own on. "Don't know, but we're gonna go find him."

"Hey." Soda said, throwing his jacket on in a tired haste. "Hey, Darry!" He grabbed his brother's arm as he opened the door. "We'll find him. It'll be okay."

Darry turned to look at his brother. He saw hope in his eyes, and the caring grin on his lips. But he didn't miss the fear that was still there. "We gotta go Pepsi-Cola, come on."

The park finally came into view. Ponyboy stopped in the middle of the street, staring ahead.

"Get tough, like Dally. Be smart, like Dally. Tell Dally. Save Dally."

Ponyboy's stare moved towards the sky when it started raining. "A rumble ain't a rumble without Dally."

At the roar of an engine, he turned his head back towards the road.

Headlights shone brightly through the steadily falling rain.

Pony didn't move. He didn't even flinch. He just stood and stared.

Wide, green, unblinking eyes staring straight ahead but seeing nothing.

The car comes closer, and closer, the rain falls harder and harder.

Thunder booms and lighting flashes across the sky.

Ponyboy stands in the middle of the road.

The car is only about a foot away...when it slams on its brakes.

"Ponyboy?!"

"Kid, what the heck are you doin' out here in the middle of the road?!" Steve slammed the door shut, mere inches behind Two-Bit as they ran towards the youngest Greaser.

"Glory, Pony you're soaked to the bone!" Two-Bit exclaimed, placing his hands on Pony's shoulders. But he took a hesitant step back when he looked in Ponyboy's eyes. The kid was staring straight through him. "What the----?"

Steve snapped his fingers in front of Pony's face. "Kid? Hey, come on."

Pony didn't even blink.

Two-Bit and Steve looked at each other, fear and confusion written on their faces.

"What's wrong with 'im?!" Steve said.

"Well, how should I know?!" 

"What are we supposed to do? We can't just leave him in the middle of the road to get hit by a dang car!"

"Let's move him." Two-Bit said. "Go pull the car over."

Steve sighed but did as he was told.

Two-Bit put his hands on Pony's shoulders, leading him away from the road. "Come on, Pony." His voice was gentle, even though he was scared out of his mind.

"He's just a kid." Ponyboy shook his head as Two-Bit walked him towards the sidewalk. "I gotta tell Dally. Johnny said to tell Dally. I gotta tell Dally."

The color drained from Two-Bit's face, and he was almost certain he was about to throw up that last beer he'd had. 

"Steve." Two-Bit said, when he ran back over after parking the car. "Steve, he's talkin' 'bout Dally."

"What?" Steve whispered, hands clenching into fists.

"He keeps saying he has to tell Dally."

Steve glanced at Ponyboy, before looking back at Two-Bit. "Tell Dally what?"

"Dally." Pony's head snapped up when he heard the name. "I gotta tell Dally. I gotta do it for Johnny." Ponyboy started walking back towards the road, but Steve and Two-Bit didn't notice.

"I don't know, Steve. He just said Johnny told him he had to tell Dally."

Steve sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Man, I've seen that kid go through it all. First his folks, then Johnny and Dally. I always thought he seemed different. But...I ain't ever seen 'im this bad."

Two-Bit shook his head. "I ain't either."

"PONYBOY!!!"

Steve and Two-Bit's heads snapped to the side at the shout, and they both immediately stopped breathing at the sight before them.

Pony was standing in the middle of the road, shouting "tell Dally!" Over and over again.  The rain still falling on him steadily, but he didn't even seem to notice. A car was headed straight for him. And once again...the auburn-haired-kid stood completely still.

Sodapop seemed to come out of nowhere, and Steve had never seen him run so quickly in his life. And that kid had a lot of energy and one speed ---- lightning fast. Steve had no idea how he managed to run that quickly in the rain without falling.

"PONY!"

Soda grabbed Ponyboy and tackled him to the ground, rolling both of them out of the way just in the nick of time. He could feel the heat of the engine, and the wind from the car. If he'd stuck his hand out just a couple of inches, his fingers would have been broken.

Sodapop took gasping breaths as he held his brother close, nose dripping with water. "Pony? Ponyboy, you okay?!"

Pony sat up so quickly that he nearly hit Soda in the head ---- again. He blinked, looking around frantically. "What-w-where am I?!" He wiped rainwater from his face.

Darry suddenly appeared by his side, Pony looked up at him with wide, confused eyes. "You hurt, Pony?" He was running gentle hands up and down his brother, checking every inch of him over with his fingers and his eyes.

Ponyboy looked himself over momentarily, before looking at his surroundings once again, now seeing Steve and Two-Bit running towards him. "Why am in the road? How did I get here?!"

Darry let go of his brother, satisfied that he seemed to be uninjured.

Soda wrapped Pony in a bone-crushing hug.

Ponyboy was still utterly confused, and his heart was racing. But he hugged his brother back tightly, the comforting touch helped to calm his pounding heart.

"You were sleepwalkin' again." Darry finally told him.

"Again?!" Steve said, he and Two-Bit still looking just as confused as Ponyboy.

Pony stared at Darry as Soda finally pulled away. He didn't let go though, keeping one arm firmly around his brother's shoulders.

"All...the way to...the park? "Pony questioned, looking around.

"This is exactly what I was afraid was gonna happen, kiddo." Darry sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

"...What?" Ponyboy said slowly.

"That car just 'bout took ya out, Pony!"

All the color drained from his face.

"You're alright, though." Soda said, rubbing Pony's shoulders. He looked over at his brother with wide eyes.

"Can someone please explain what the heck is goin' on here?!" Two-Bit said.

Darry squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He sighed. "Pony started sleepwalkin' a few nights ago."

"Ya sleepwalked all the way to the park?!" Two-Bit remarked, looking at Ponyboy with wide eyes.

"Glory, kid." Steve shook his head. "You just 'bout got yourself killed."

"Not like I did it on purpose." Ponyboy shot back.

Darry nodded at Two-Bit and Steve. "Y'all find him?"

"Was on the way home and saw him standing in the middle of the street." Two-Bit answered. "He stared right at the car, but didn't blink...didn't move."

"Just like he was when we pulled up." Soda said, looking over at Darry.

Darry glanced warily at Soda, before turning his attention back to Pony. He had a hand on the back of his head, wincing. "You hurt?"

Ponyboy opened one eye to look at his brother. "My head hurts is all."

Darry turned his brother's head so he could get a good look at it. "It's bleedin' a little. Not too bad though. You should be fine. Ya must'ave hit it when Soda pushed you out of the way of that car."

"Sorry, honey." Soda said, looking guilty as he put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I just had to get ya out of the way. I know I was a little rough. Didn't mean it."

"I know." Pony looked at his brother, he hated the guilt and remorse in his eyes. Soda saved his life, the least he could do was handle a little bump to the head. "I'm fine, Soda. Really."

"Ya sure?" Soda said, inspecting his brother's head.

Ponyboy nodded. "Ya ain't gotta worry 'bout me."

"Kid, you just 'bout got hit by a car, twice. We're miles away from worried." Darry told him.

Pony blinked at him. "Well, I didn't." He shrugged.

"Ya would've if we ain't shown up." Steve told him. "What if it hadn't been me and Two-Bit in that car huh? Chances are ya would've gotten hit."

"Oh, like you care."

"Hey!" Darry yelled. "Y'all knock it off."

"Let's just get home." Soda said, exasperated. Nobody argued. Sodapop helped Ponyboy to his feet. "What were y'all doing out this late anyway?"

"We were comin' home from Buck's." Steve told him.

"Please don't tell me y'all were stupid enough to drink and drive." Darry said, giving Two-Bit and Steve a pointed look.

"Nah." Steve shook his head. "Two-Bit only had a couple beers and I didn't have any, so I was drivin'.

"Good." Darry said, climbing into the truck. "Otherwise, y'all probably woulda hit 'im."

Ponyboy threw his backpack on the floor and kicked his shoes off the second he was inside. He made a beeline for his room and threw himself onto his bed, lying on his stomach.

He was exhausted. He'd hardly gotten any sleep on account of all the sleepwalking and nightmares that were plaguing him. He wasn't sure how much more he could take. Or his brothers. He hated to be the cause of their worry.

Truthfully, he was worried too. Scared to death, actually. Especially after almost getting hit by that car. He still couldn't believe he'd walked all the way to the lot at three in the morning but remembered none of it. Just waking up on the concrete and seeing a terrified looking Soda above him.

He couldn't tell anyone how scared he was though. His brothers were worried enough about his sleepwalking. If they knew it was scaring him too, they'd only worry more.

So, he stayed silent. Acted like the fear and guilt wasn't tearing his insides right apart.

Ponyboy didn't sleep that night. He was too afraid of what might happen.

So, he pretended to sleep until Sodapop's breathing evened out. Then, he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, getting lost in his thoughts. Which, truthfully, wasn't much better than having a nightmare.

When they got to be too much, he picked up a flashlight and a book. Quietly hiding under the covers so that he wouldn't wake Soda.

And just before the alarm clock, Pony would pretend to be asleep again. And Soda would open his eyes and think his brother had slept all night.

It was a perfect plan.

Well, Ponyboy thought so, anyway.

And it seemed to be working just fine.

He just seemed to forget that the human body required sleep to function properly, the exhaustion inevitably catching up with him.

It was a Wednesday. He'd just barely made it through school. Then, the last bell rang, and he remembered he had track practice and wanted to die on the spot. But, somehow, he got through that too He was sure he saw the light a couple of times and was very tempted to walk towards it, instead of running another lap around this stupid track (which he swore used to be smaller.) Pony finally finished and Soda showed up to take him home, having just finished his shift.

He was all set to head straight to his room and sleep for the next thirty-seven years the second he walked through the door. But, of course, Darry had other plans.

"I need you to cook tonight, Pony. I got an errand to run and I gotta take a shower. I should be done and back in an hour. I want the food to be ready when I get back. Don't even think about givin' me any lip. It's your night, and you're doin' it savvy?"

"Yeah," Ponyboy sighed, trying to rub the exhaustion out of his eyes. It didn't work though. He just saw Darry shut the bathroom door when he opened them, before hearing the water turn on. He was still more tired than he'd ever been. But...he obeyed.

Supper was ready and waiting on the table when Darry returned. It wasn't anything fancy, just hot dogs and chips. Soda complained that the meal wasn't colorful enough, but nothing else was said about it.

Pony cleared the table while Soda and Darry did the dishes (since Pony cooked.)

As soon as he was finished, Pony practically melted into the couch. (He wanted to go to his bed, but his room was too far away.) His feet felt like lead.

Ponyboy was almost dozing when Sodapop said his name.

"Pone?"

"Hmmm." He forced one eye open.

"I gotta run and pick up Steve from work, I think Two-Bit's with 'im too."

"I'll go with ya." Darry said, walking into the room. "I gotta grab a couple groceries, so you can drop me off at the grocery store on the way there."

"You okay here by yourself, buddy?"

Ponyboy nodded. "It's not like y'all will even be gone that long."

"Ya sure?" Darry said. "I can stay. Get groceries in the mornin'."

Pony shook his head. "I'll be fine, don't worry. Go."

Soda ruffled his brother's hair as he headed towards the door. Pony groaned and shoved his hand away. "Cut it out Soda," he whined, but he was grinning, and of course Soda was too. The older boy giggled.

"Be back in fifteen minutes or so."

"Alright. See y'all then."

"Try not to burn the house down while we're gone." Darry said, opening the door.

Ponyboy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah." He shook his head, and Darry actually gave him a small grin. It did Pony's heart good to see that.

Ponyboy's eyes snapped open, and he immediately stood from the couch. "It's all my fault. I gotta save the kids. And Johnny."

He headed for the kitchen, somehow knowing exactly how to get there as he looked ahead with unblinking, wide-open eyes. He began rummaging through the drawers. "I can't let Johnny go inside." He slammed the third drawer closed. "Or Dally." He walked to the other side of the kitchen, checking those drawers instead. "I gotta save Dally. I gotta save Johnny." Pony froze. He finally found what he was looking for.

A lighter.

Pony stared at it so hard he could have spontaneously caught it on fire, ironically. He pushed the button, the shadow of the flame shining in his retinas. "For Johnny and Dally."

Ponyboy turned all the burners on the stove as high as they would go, lighting each and every one. He grabbed a wooden spoon from the counter, throwing it into one of the burners. The flames grew and Pony stared, un-moving.

"If the fire burns me, Johhny'll live. And Dally'll live."

Sodapop grinned at Steve as he and Two-Bit climbed into the truck. "How was the rest of your shift?"

"Not too busy. Except loudmouth over here wouldn't let me get any work done."

"I got bored!" Two-Bit defended. "How y'all can stand in the same place, working nonstop for hours, is completely beyond my comprehension."

"Don't take much to be beyond your comprehension." Steve mumbled, and Two-Bit whacked him in the head.

Soda laughed as he started the engine ---- well more like revved it.

"Well, thanks to you, Soda's got a lotta shelf-stockin' to do tomorrow mornin'."

Sodapop groaned. " I hate stockin' shelves. I get bored outta my dang mind doin' that."

"Blame this fool." Steve pointed his thumb at Two-Bit. "Distractin' me the whole time and blabberin' on about nothing.

"You love my stories! Come on, admit it. They make your day." He took a swig from his bottle of beer.

"Love 'em like I love a migraine." Steve mumbled, and Two-Bit rolled his eyes.

Sodapop turned his signal on as he rolled up to a stop sign.

Two-Bit slurped, wiping the beer off his mouth after he took a drink. "I know I've had a couple of cold ones, but ain't y'all's house the other way?"

"I dropped Darry off at the grocery store, we gotta go pick 'im up."

"Ugh, that means someone's gotta get in the back." Steve groaned.

"Well, I'm drivin'." Soda slammed on the brakes when he came to a red light. He claimed it came out of nowhere, but he took this street often and that light had always been there. "Y'all figure it out because Darry ain't ever gonna get back there."

"Rock, Paper, Scissors?" Two-Bit suggested.

"Fine." Steve agreed.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!"

"Rock crushes scissors."  Steve tapped his closed fist on Two-Bit's two fingers.

Two-Bit groaned just as Soda parked the truck.

"Out ya go." Steve smirked. Two-Bit's glare only caused the boy to smirk more. But he sighed and opened the door.

Darry nodded in greeting when he saw Two-Bit. "You be alright in the back?" He placed the bag of groceries in the truck bed, and Two-Bit climbed in, nodding. "Ain't like we're drivin' more than five minutes."

"Alright." Darry said, "but don't you go eatin' all my food 'fore I even get it back home."

Two-Bit looked offended. "I'd never do such a thing!"

Darry scoffed. "Yeah, and I'm the president of the United States." He climbed into the truck, and Two-Bit had a box of cookies out before he'd even closed the door.

"I'm gonna skin that kid." Darry shook his head.

Soda laughed and put the car in gear.

Two-Bit nosed through all the groceries as he sipped on his beer. Once he got tired of eating cookies, he looked for another snack to satisfy his hunger. He found a couple vegetables, making unimpressed faces when he saw them. "Who the heck only buys one box of cookies?!"

He took one more out of the box and placed it in his mouth, before placing the cookies back into the grocery bag. Two-Bit sniffed as he put the bag down, was that...smoke?

Two-Bit looked up just as the truck turned onto the Curtis' street. And sure enough...there it was. Smoke was coming from the Curtis house, filling the night sky with an unwelcome smell and making it even darker outside. "Oh, Glory!" He jumped out of the truck before it even stopped moving. The others weren't five seconds behind him.

"Pony in there?" Steve asked, a look of worry etched onto his face. He looked over at Soda, but the kid just looked like was trying to decide whether to bawl his eyes out, bolt inside, or both.

Darry's mind and body moved faster than his brother's. He looked over at Steve and Two-Bit, eyes pleading. "Y'all do not let him come inside. No matter what he does. Keep him out here, I don't care what ya gotta do.  I'm gettin' Pony." His voice was firm and left no room for argument. He was gone before anyone had the time to respond.

"PONYBOY!!!"

Steve and Two-Bit were on Sodapop in an instant, but he fought them. "Let go! Pony's in there!"

"Darry's gettin' him, Soda!" Steve said, trying to calm him down. He sure wasn't makin' this easy though.

"What if he's hurt?!" What if Darry gets hurt?! I gotta help 'em!"

"Darry's smart. He'll get Pony and get out lickety-split." Two-Bit said, tightening his grip on the young greaser.

"Steve." Soda looked over at his best friend. "Please." Soda's eyes were full of tears, desperately pleading.  Steve felt like a traitor, he hated seeing that look in Soda's eyes. But he certainly didn't want him to get hurt on top of everything. He also wasn't stupid enough to not listen to Darry, especially about this. Darry would knock his teeth out if Soda got hurt too. Even though it felt like his heart might physically break at the pain on his best friend's face. Steve only held him tighter. Soda let out a sob.

"Pony!" Darry covered his mouth with his shirt as he slammed the front door open. "PONYBOY!"

The living room wasn't on fire, it looked like it started in the kitchen...but it was spreading fast. Darry knew he didn't have much time. "Pony! Where are you, kiddo?!"

Finally, he spotted him.

Pony was mere inches from the flames, with that same look on his face that Darry had seen three times over the last couple weeks. The one he hated that he'd grown accustomed to. But it was only a second later when Ponyboy's eyes suddenly closed, and his body fell limply to the ground.

That wasn't the worst of it. His hand brushed against some of the flames when he fell. Pony wasn't working too hard to put the flames out either, him being unconscious and all.

Darry grabbed a towel from the bathroom and ran into the kitchen as quickly as he could. He kneeled next to Ponyboy, patting his burning hand with the towel, and then splashing some water on it. He let out a sigh of relief when the flames were out and checked to make sure Pony wasn't burning anywhere else. Once he thought his brother was good, Darry carefully lifted him into his arms.

He didn't bother trying to wake him, his only concern was to get him out of the fire. Darry grabbed a dish towel and placed it over Pony's mouth and nose so that he wouldn't inhale anymore. Who knows how long the kid had been in here breathing it in like oxygen. Then, he carefully, but quickly, made his way to the door, brother in arms.

Sodapop hadn't stopped sobbing, but he wasn't fighting Steve or Two-Bit anymore. They still had a firm grip on him though, not trusting him for a second. Soda stared at the house so hard, almost as if willing his brothers to come out. "Please. Please." He sobbed.

Suddenly, a small part of the roof caved in, right near the kitchen. Steve had never heard anyone scream so loudly.

"NOOOOOO!!!!"

Sodapop was out of his friends' grip before they had a chance to think twice, running as fast as he could.

But Steve and Two-Bit were quick on his tail. Soda was just about to run up the steps when they tackled him to the ground.

"GET OFF ME!" He yelled, anger lacing his voice. Soda tried shoving them off, none too gently. He was beyond desperate to check on his brothers. He was so, so scared. Not knowing if his brothers were okay...he was pretty sure he could feel his heart breaking inside of his chest. It ached so badly. Maybe he was having a heart attack? Or maybe he should fake having one so that Steve and Two-Bit would let go of him. That actually sounded like a really good idea----

Soda was pulled from his thoughts, his head snapping up when he finally saw what he'd been waiting an eternity to see.

Darry walked through the door.

Soda started crying even harder, and he was on his feet in seconds. Steve and Two-Bit immediately let him go.

Darry laid Pony in the grass, quickly breathing in the fresh air, glory air had never tasted so good.

Soda was at his brother's side in a second. "Ponyboy!" He said. "Open your eyes, Pony!"

"See if he's breathing." Darry said in-between coughs, "I didn't have time to check."

Soda brought his ear down in front of Ponyboy's face, listening closely. "I-I think so." He stuttered. "It-it don't sound right though. Sounds like it's hard for him to breathe or somethin'."

"Probably from the smoke he inhaled." Darry said.

"You alright Superman?" Two-Bit asked, when Darry went into another coughing fit.

He nodded. "Just breathed in some smoke, I'm fine."

"Dar." Soda whispered. "Dar, his hand."

Ponyboy's left hand was lying on his stomach, and everyone gasped when they looked at it. It was bright red, all the way from his wrist to his fingers, and there was a large blister already forming on his palm.

Darry swallowed hard as he looked down at his brother. Soda's hand hovered just above it, knowing he shouldn't touch it, but wanting nothing more than to help.

"It was on fire." Darry told him. "He passed out and his hand brushed the fire. I put it out as quick as I could but----"

"Oh, Ponyboy." Sodapop sobbed. He picked up Pony's right hand and squeezed it, running the other through his hair. It was still blonde from the bleaching. But now it almost looked black from all the ash. Two fires in less than two months. Could his brother ever catch a break?

When Ponyboy woke up, he was more confused than anything. Why was he so stiff? Why did every breath he took take effort, and hurt? And his hand...glory why did his hand hurt so much? It burned and stung and throbbed. He could hardly stand it.

His eyelids felt heavy. Pony really didn't want to open them...he was almost afraid to. But he finally did.

Soda was right there, smiling down at him. "Hey, honey. How ya feelin'"?

He opened his mouth to answer, but realized there was something on his face. He reached a hand up to move it, but Soda stopped him.

"Don't touch that, baby. It's helpin' you breathe. Your lungs are a little bit weak right now." Soda told him gently.

Pony gave Soda a hesitant look but put his hand back down on the bed. "What happened?" His voice was a little muffled by the oxygen mask, but not so much that he couldn't be understood.

"There was a fire."

Ponyboy only now seemed to notice that Darry was at his other side. "We came home; you were inside. I got you out." Pony looked shocked. He couldn't believe it. He didn't really remember a fire. Surely, he would remember a fire...right?

"Pone?"

Pony blinked, looking up at his brother.

"You alright?" Sodapop asked, taking his brother's hand in his, brow etched with concern.

He nodded. "I just ---- I don't really remember anything."

"That's okay, buddy." Soda gently, rubbed his arm. "You in any pain?"

"My hand's killin' me." Pony whispered.

Soda's face fell, but Darry answered for him.

"It got burned pretty bad, Pony. Doc said its second degree. It'll be pretty red and a little ugly and painful for a while. But it should heal just fine eventually."

He looked down at his hand. It was in a white bandage, so he really couldn't see how bad it was. But he could sure feel it. "I can still use it?"

"Course you can, foal. It may be while before you fully can...but you'll be able to draw and paint and everything else soon. Don't you worry your brainy lil' head about that." Soda ruffled Pony's hair.

Pony gave Soda a small smile, for his brother's sake. He was tryin' real hard to cheer him up.

"How's your breathin'?" Darry asked.

"My chest hurts." Pony said, wincing as he brought a hand up and rubbed it.

"They said that's normal. It should go away soon."

"Doc just came in here and said your breathing is better than it was last night, though." Soda smiled. "Said you can probably take that mask off by tomorrow."

Ponyboy nodded, grateful. It was hard to talk with the mask on. Plus, that meant he would be able to breathe easier, and maybe his chest wouldn't hurt so much. Which he was also grateful for.

"You're gonna be okay, Pony." Soda kissed the top of his head. "We all are. I promise."

Just as the doctor said, Ponyboy was able to breathe without the mask the next day. He was still on a Nasal cannula, but he didn't mind that much. It was a lot less awkward and uncomfortable, and the heavy weight on his chest finally felt lighter.

Two-Bit and Steve had been there all morning. Two-Bit was making joke after joke and Steve was teasing him like usual. Pony appreciated that,  he didn't want to be treated like he was hurt or broken.

Around noon they went to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. Pony had his own tray of food, but he was just pushing the peas around his plate and glaring at the soup.

"Pony?" Darry said.

"Hmm?"

"We need to talk, kiddo."

Sodapop glanced up at his brother. "Darry----"

"I ain't waitin' any longer, Soda. He's doing okay now. We need to have this conversation. This has gone far enough."

Ponyboy frowned. "Talk about what?"

Darry sat up straight, looking Pony in the eyes. "The fire. You don't remember anything?"

Pony sighed and dropped his spoon. "No."

"When I found you, you were just standing in the kitchen, staring at the flames. And you had that same look on your face you get when you ---- when you're sleepwalkin.'"

Ponyboy didn't look up at his brother. He stared down at the untouched food in front of him, playing with his fingers.

"The Fire Department said the fire started in the kitchen. At the stove." Darry continued.

Pony finally looked up, glaring at his brother. "What are you sayin,' Darry?"

"The stove was off when we left, you were the only one home----"

"You sayin' I did this?" Ponyboy yelled.

"Hey." Soda quickly interjected. He put a hand on Pony's shoulder, and he looked over at him. His anger immediately placated, but it was replaced by hurt, and Soda knew he saw fear too.

"Darry, didn't say that, Pone." Soda said gently. "We think you must'ave been sleepwalkin'. It ain't your fault, honey."

Pony seemed to calm down at Soda's words. Soda always knew what his brother needed and when he needed it. That was just his way.

"But we know something's botherin' you. This has happened three times now, and you're cuttin' it pretty close. Bout scared me to death." Soda tried to laugh, but it came out as more of a choking sound. "We want to help you, baby. This is getting too serious. I lost my mom and my dad and two of my best friends. And it just about killed me. But if I lose you kiddo...that'll be the final blow." Sodapop sniffled.

Pony looked over at his brother. He could have burst into tears himself at seeing Soda cry because of him. He wouldn't hurt his brother for all the money in the world. Guilt churned in his stomach for the worry he'd caused him. He blinked back his own tears that suddenly threatened to fall.

"I'm sorry Soda." Pony looked down at the bed sheets, avoiding eye contact with his brother. "I wasn't tryin' to worry you."

Soda's face softened even more. "Oh, don't worry about that, honey. I just want to make sure you're okay, Pone. I care about you, and I love you. We both do. You don't need to be going through anything alone."

Pony was very quiet for a long time, he just sat there staring at his hands. He finally took a deep breath; it was loud from the silence they'd been sitting in for so long. He looked over at Darry, surprised to see his face wasn't angry like it had been before. It was softer, and his eyes didn't look icy or cold. They looked worried. Darry was worried about him just like Soda was.

He turned towards Soda. He still looked scared too, and worried and sad. His face was still soft, calm and patient. It calmed Pony's nerves. Looking at Soda gave him the courage to say the words that had been repeating in his brain for the last month and a half every single day.

"It's my fault."

Ponyboy's voice was quiet, barely even a whisper. Darry and Soda wouldn't have even been sure he'd spoken if they weren't looking right at him.

"What is?" Soda asked, his voice was calm, gentle, and patient. The only thing that gave Pony the strength to continue.

"Johnny and Dally dyin'."

Darry looked completely shocked, like his brother had just said that he found a snowy wood in the back of a wardrobe.

Soda's face crumpled and he looked as if he was going to start sobbing on the spot. "Oh, Ponyboy. Why in the world do you think that?!"

"Johnny killed Bob to save me. All of this is my fault. I killed my best friends." He was crying now.

"Ponyboy----"

But Pony cut his brother off. "If I'd been strong enough to fight back at the fountain, or if I hadn't run into that burning church. If I hadn't killed Johnny, I wouldn't have killed Dally. It should have been me and not them."

"Look at me, Ponyboy," Soda said. His voice was gentle, but firm, Pony listened. 

"It is not your fault that Johnny and Dally died. You did not kill them. Johnny made the choice to run into that fire. He could've done that whether you did it or not, Pone. He knew the risks, so did you, and so did Dally. Y'all went in there anyway. Y'all were heroes. And Dally----" Soda paused, letting out a shaky sigh. "Glory, it breaks my heart that he didn't stick around to see that there's still good in the world after a tragedy like that. But that was his choice. Not yours. Johnny would call you crazy and Dally would smack you in the head if they heard you blamin' yourself Pony chuckled and Soda cupped a hand around his cheek. Tears shone brightly in his eyes as he looked at his brother. "This is not your fault."

Ponyboy stared at his brother for about ten seconds, before finally letting the tears fall and crashing into his arms. Soda held him tightly. Pony sobbed into his chest. 

Soda rubbed a hand up and down his brother's back, trying to calm him. But he let him cry. Pony needed this.

Darry felt sick knowing that his brother had been carrying this heavy guilt around for so long. No wonder he was shutting down and sleepwalking like crazy. Poor boy got so lost in his thoughts he couldn't see straight half the time.

"It should have been me..." 

His brother's words echoed in his mind like a loud song he couldn't turn off. One that was about as beautiful as nails on a chalkboard. But after a moment...it got Darry thinking.

Finally, Ponyboy laid back on the bed and wiped at his eyes. Soda told him to scoot over and laid beside him. He wrapped an arm around his shoulders and kissed his -still bleached- hair. Pony laid on his brother's chest, looking exhausted. Soda rubbed his arm.

"Pony?"

He sniffled and looked over at his oldest brother.

"The sleepwalkin'." Darry said. "You almost drowned in the tub; like you almost drowned in the fountain. You walked to the park where Dally died...you started a fire...and that's what killed Johnny."

Ponyboy stared at him, and Darry could see the wheels turning in his head. He was pretty sure his brother knew what he was about to say. "It's almost like you were trying to save them. Like if you died instead, so they could live."

"I swear I didn't do that on purpose!" Pony's eyes were as big as saucers.

"We know, Ponybaby." Soda gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Dar just wants to know exactly what's going on so we can figure out how to stop it from happening again." Soda gave his brother a reassuring smile. Pony nodded.

"I'm not mad at you, Pony." Darry said, a little tightly, but he knew his brother needed to hear this. "None of this is your fault, okay? We don't blame you."

Ponyboy stared at Darry, almost as if he was really considering his words. Finally, he nodded.

"You feel any better? Soda said. "After talkin' 'bout it?"

Pony thought for a moment. He wasn't always so good at talking about his deepest feelings. He saved a lot of things for just himself. When he did talk about them though...he liked talking to Soda. He understood him best. Darry didn't always, but Pony could see that he was trying real hard, and he appreciated that. He wanted to at least give him a chance. He finally nodded very slowly. "It don't feel so heavy. Like I ain't gotta carry it alone no more."

"You don't." Darry said firmly. "We're your big brothers. It's our job to help you, baby."

Ponyboy scoffed, looking at Darry. "You'd sooner lift a car on your own than ask for help."

Sodapop laughed.

Darry narrowed his eyes and gently tapped Ponyboy's head. "This ain't about me, smartie." Pony smirked at him.

"Listen, Pony. When stuff gets heavy like that...ya gotta talk to someone." Soda said. Pony laid his head on his brother's shoulder. "It can be me, or Darry. Heck, talk to Two-Bit or Steve even. Just talk to someone."

"Not Steve." He grimaced, and Soda laughed. 

"Alright, it ain't gotta be Steve." Soda looked Pony in the eyes and he saw how much Soda needed this from him.

He had to admit that it helped a lot more than he thought it would to tell his brothers. Even if he still felt a little bit guilty, he felt a lot better than he had since it happened. A lot less alone. "I'll try." He finally said. 

Soda smiled brightly. "Good."

"You better, kiddo." Darry said. "We can't have you sleepwalking to Texas on us next time."

Pony shoved him. "Ha. Ha."

Soda wrapped his brother in a tight hug. "I think you're gonna be alright, little buddy." Pony hugged him back. "I think we all are."

And that night, Pony didn't sleepwalk, or even have a nightmare. He slept peacefully for the first time since before Windrixville, with his brothers by his side.

He still had a lot of healing to do. They all did. But for the first time in a long time, Ponyboy felt like he could handle anything. So long as he had his brothers there to help him. And he knew they wouldn't be leaving. He wouldn't be alone, no matter what. And somehow...that made everything feel like it would be okay again