Chapter Text
Why did I get here so early? OH.. yeah. Couldn’t sleep.
Robert yawned as he entered the SDN. Most of the building was still dark. Most people won’t start arriving until a couple of hours later. On his way to his desk, he saw a couple of janitors at work, not really paying him any mind. Beef, being snug in his human’s arms, yawned as well.
“ I know, buddy. I’m sorry to bring you in so early.” Robert apologized to the pup before laying him down on his pillow bed.
He took a second to smile as the rotund dog was nuzzling into his pillow and falling asleep again. He sighed as he put his backpack down and grabbed his coffee mug. He knew that there wouldn’t be any coffee made, so he would just have to do it himself. He walked over to the cold, empty breakroom and flipped on the light.
He made his way over to where the coffee machine lay dormant. He put his cup down before rummaging through the cupboards above the counter. After sifting through, he found the coffee grinds and the filters and began to start making a batch. He started humming as he went along. But soon began to sing.
Singing isn’t becoming, Robert. Singing won’t help you become Mecha Man.
“ I heard he got you a penthouse on the west side. When will he learn that you're afraid of heights?” He sang as he poured the grinds into the filter.
“ I heard he got you a new Benz, with the white wheels. When will he learn that you like to tandem bike? And I hate that.” He continued to sing as he placed the full filter into the machine and grabbed the pot.
“ I could love you with my eyes closed. Kiss you with a blindfold, figure you out~
I might hold you with my hands tied. Show you I'm the right guy to figure you out” He sang aloud as the rushing water filled the coffee pot.
He then began to hum some of it as he was pouring the water into the machine. After he was finished, he placed the pot into its rightful spot and then started the machine. After pressing a few buttons, that machine was up and active.
“Heard he got you some new friends with some big dreams. When will he learn that you already got your own?” Robert started to sing again as the machine started to brew.
“Oh, I heard he got you the front row at the rap show. When will he learn that you like The Rolling Stones?” Robert continued as he could see the coffee began to seep into the pot.
“And I've been thinking of all the little things that you've been missing. When will you learn~?” Robert looked at his watch, seeing how little time had passed.
“I could love you with my eyes closed. Kiss you with a blindfold. Figure you out~ I might hold you with my hands tied. Show you I'm the right guy to figure you out. Na na na na na.” Robert looked back at the pot and saw that it was not a full pot yet.
“I could treat you so much better. I've known you forever, figured you out. Ooh~ I could love you with my eyes closed. Kiss you with a blindfold. Figure you out~ I might hold you with my hands tied. Show you I'm the right guy to figure you out~” Robert finished his song, humming the rest of the chorus under his breath.
As he finished, he heard footsteps walking away from the breakroom in such haste. This caught Robert off guard a bit, but the beeping of the coffee machine signalled to him that his beverage of choice was finished. He walked over, filled his cup, and went back to his desk. He just remembered that there were a couple of reports he needed to send over to Blonde Blazer, but forgot to.
Gives me something to do while I wait
He sipped his coffee and sat at his desk. He gave Beef a quick pat on the head and then grabbed the reports from one of his drawers and began to busy himself before the Z-Team took all of his attention. As much as he liked working with them (not that he’ll ever admit that to them), they took up a lot of his attention span. With that being said, he couldn’t exactly finish reports unless it was before or after work, with the never-ending, HR violating, Z-Team shenanigans that would give anyone gray hair.
~Meanwhile~
Z-TEAM Group Chat (MINUS Bobert)
Sonar: GUYS! GUYS! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!
Malevola: Sonar, why are you up this early?
Prism: This better be fucking important for you to ruin my beauty sleep.
Flambae: If it’s something dumb, I’m going to roast you!
Invisigal: Like come on man! What’s got your bat panties in a twist this morning?
Golem: Couldn’t this wait until when we got to work?
PunchUp: Aye, I agree with Golem
Coupe: I was in the middle of a good dream. About a scene from the book I’m reading. So choose your next words wisely.
Waterboy: Well I’m already up since I got to help my grandma so I’ll listen.
Phenomaman: I’ll listen as well. Though I don’t know what this topic is about.
Sonar: It’s about Bobert!
Flambae: What about Bob-Bob? I don’t wanna think of him when I could be sleeping!
Sonar: How many of you guys knew he could sing?!?
Invisigal: Robert? As in Robert Robertson the fucking third? Singing?
Prism: Is this an April Fools prank?
Malevola: April passed already so doubt it.
PunchUp: Doesn’t exactly sound like a thing he’d do
Golem: Well I mean we don’t really know him that well
Waterboy: Other than being Mecha Man?
Coupe: Yes
Sonar: I’ve got proof!
Video Upload
Golem: Not what I was expecting
Prism: Damn! I didn’t expect that white bread to sing that good!
Sonar: I know!
Malevola: Interesting song choice
Waterboy: He sounds amazing
Phenomaman: I concur. His voice is very pleasant.
Invisigal: I know we listen to him bitch at us all day… But I’m kinda into this ngl
Flambae: MechaBitch’s singing isn’t as good as mine
PunchUp: Ya can’t carry a tune worth a damn
Flambae: Fuck you
Coupe: My only question is, why were you at work this early in the morning to capture this moment?
Sonar: I plead the fifth
Malevola: Sonar!
~Later that day~
“Alright, everyone. Good shift today. See you all tomorrow.” Robert said, signalling off and removing his headphones.
He let out a loud sigh of relief. This shift felt a lot smoother today. No complaints, no failed missions, and surprisingly no backtalk today. Everyone seemed to be on their best behavior.
“I haven’t seen them fuckers that cooperative on a good day! What is this, Twilight Zone, shit?” He heard Chase in the other cubicle.
“Who knows and who cares. We got through today, and that’s what matters.” Robert chuckled, putting the headphones on his desk.
“You know what, you’re right. Can’t look a gift horse in the mouth” Chase agreed, grabbing Beef and cuddling him.
“And you say I spoil him too much” Robert quipped, raising an eyebrow.
“There will never be too much love for this little guy. Am I right, Beefy boy?” Chase asked the rotund dog in a baby voice, with Beef responding with a bark.
“ I can’t argue with that,” Robert said, getting up and stretching his poor aching body.
“Mind if I take Beef with me? Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t need to ask. Do I?” Chase asked Robert before turning to Beef.
“Asking would be the adult thing to do,” Robert retorted before he gazed over to Malevola and Sonar, talking and scanning the floor.
Curious, Robert walked over to them.
“Hey, guys. You doing alright?” Robert asked them.
“Doing alright. Thanks, babes. Sonar just left his phone somewhere.” Malevola sighed, pointing over to the man bat.
“I was in a rush to meet you guys downstairs!” Sonar tried to defend himself.
“Hey, it’s ok! Calm down, if it’s still in the building, I’m sure we’ll find it. Look, I’ll call it” Robert said, pulling out his phone.
The Z-Team managed to snag his phone and input all their phone numbers in. The real mystery was how they even guessed his password or how they got his phone in the first place.
“Thanks, Bob- Wait!” Sonar yelled out, trying to stop Robert.
“Yo BatBoner! I found your phone in the-” Flambae could be heard when the phone’s ringtone sounded.
I could love you with my eyes closed. Kiss you with a blindfold. Figure you out~
Everyone froze as the familiar voice rang out. Robert immediately recognized his own voice, which was now Sonar’s new ringtone. He slowly turned to Sonar, his eye twitching.
Sonar, sensing he could be in danger, ran over and yanked the phone from a blushing Flambae’s hand. He immediately hung up the call.
“Well, uhh…” Sonar said, frantic and nervous.
“Sonar? Is there something you want to tell me?” Robert questioned, pocketing his phone and crossing his arms.
“Um.. well…” Sonar started stuttering.
“Well that’s a tomorrow problem! Later Robert!” Malevola said, waving at Robert before dragging Sonar and a Flambae through a portal. Leaving Robert in stunned silence and a future migraine.
~At a local bar~
“You made Lieutenant Dan’s voice into a ringtone?” Invisigal asked, laughing while nursing a beer.
“And it rang right in front of his face?” Prism continued, also laughing into her cocktail.
“Don’t make me feel worse,” Sonar groaned into the table.
“You do have to admit. It is kind of hilarious,” Coupe said, sipping her drink.
“Well, Flambae was over there blushing with my phone blasting into his ear!” Sonar added, pointing to Flambae who was nursing a martini.
“Hey don’t bring me into this bitch! And I was not blushing!” Flambae argued, throwing back his drink.
“You kind of were,” Malevola agreed, finishing her drink.
“Calm down, lad. The worst Robert could do is just ask you to delete it” Punch Up said, patting Sonar’s back.
“Golem wanted to mention that Robert could make your next shift worse in retaliation,” Invisigal commented, showing Golem’s text.
This caused Sonar to bang his head against the table and groan. This sparked another round of laughter from the whole team.
“Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough,” Sonar whined, not wanting to know what Robbo had up his sleeve.