Work Text:
This is stupid. It's just a stupid trend. Jason thought angrily. A stupid trend that I haven't been able to stop thinking about.
Ever since he'd seen the video of a teenager crawling into his dad's lap just to see what his father would do, only for the dad to immediately put down his phone and bring his son in closer, it was all he could think about. Jason had wondered, what would Bruce do?
He was obsessed with the videos. So much so that his entire for you page was plagued with them. Not all of them were happy. Some parents shoved their children away, while others were swift to cradle their child. As if they had wanted to all along, but they respected their child's boundaries.
Jason and Bruce used to cuddle.
But that was before.
Bruce loved him before.
Before he died and became so filled with hatred and a need to stop at nothing to teach Bruce a lesson.
Jason still wasn't sure how much of that was himself and how much of it was the Pit. Or if they were one and the same.
Regardless, a part of him wanted to know what Bruce would do if he walked over to him and just crawled in his lap like he did when he was a child. Would he push Jason away? Would he accept it and cradle him like he used to?
Or most likely, would it just be awkward for everyone involved?
Jason was larger than Bruce at this point, height and muscle wise. There was every chance that Bruce would just be crushed under his weight.
But still he had to know.
Bruce freely shared affection with Jason's siblings.
Always quick to hug Dick. Cuddling Tim on the couch. Running his fingers through Damian's hair. Braiding Cass' hair. Patting Stephanie on the head or accepting a high five from her. With Duke he was a little more reserved, as both of them were still unsure of how to navigate the new relationship, but he was open to giving affection to Duke.
Jason grit his teeth. It wasn't fair. He wanted to be able to give and receive affection from Bruce. He'd always been more tactile than he'd let on. When he first arrived at the manor, he'd been shy, but he'd learned that Bruce was also touch starved. After that, you couldn't find one without the other.
But again, that was before. Now Jason wanted his answer. Would his affection be accepted or would he be pushed away?
Had he strayed too far from Bruce's path?
Was he irredeemable in Bruce's eyes?
Jason was going to find out. Catching Bruce by himself however, proved to be extremely difficult. One of his siblings was always right there. Needing help with a case or homework or affection.
It was driving Jason insane.
Dick with his constant need to hang off of Bruce like an overgrown octopus. Tim wanting help with interrogation techniques. Damian and his incessant need to train with Bruce to become better. Cass' ballet recitals. Stephanie's secret overly complicated handshake with Bruce that they do after every patrol. (Seriously, it's over a minute long and grows more complex every time they do it.) He chaperoned one of Duke's field trips, for fucks sake.
But finally, several weeks after he'd first seen the video, he caught Bruce alone in the library working on something for Wayne Enterprises. He peered around the door jamb. Making sure none of his siblings were around. Bruce was sitting in his favorite armchair. No one was around. No one would see Jason's embarrassment if this went the way he was sure it was going to go.
No one except him and Bruce.
Jason inhaled a deep breath to steady himself. He moved deeper into the library, heading straight to where Bruce was sitting. It was a testament to how focused the man was, that he didn't even notice Jason's presence. This meant that he'd most likely be pissed that Jason was interrupting him. At least Jason would know.
Would finally know where he stood in Bruce's eyes.
Before he could second guess himself any further, he crawled onto Bruce's lap.
He felt Bruce tense. His hands moving out of the way automatically, work papers held aloft so as to not be squished by Jason's considerable weight. Jason settled against Bruce awkwardly, sitting sideways on his lap. His own muscles tense, expecting to be thrown to the floor in the next few seconds.
Bruce stayed frozen for a few moments, an indicator of how surprised he was. The man let out a strangled sound, as if his very soul was being ripped from him. Papers were tossed aside, heedless of where they may land. With practiced ease, Bruce gathered Jason. One arm wrapping around behind Jason's back to pull him closer. The opposite hand threading his fingers deep into his hair, tucking the boy's face into his neck.
“Oh, Jaylad,” Bruce whispered, pressing a kiss to Jason's hair before resting his cheek against his head.
Jason tensed for a second, before melting into Bruce's hold. His own arms wrapping around the man's waist, holding him back just as tightly. A lump grew in his throat. His eyes began to burn. Jason buried his face deeper into Bruce's neck, as if that could stop the tears from falling. Sobs wrenched their way painfully from his chest.
“It's okay, I've got you.” Bruce rocked them back and forth, doing his best to soothe them both. “I've got you always, Son”
“I'm sorry,” Jason sobbed out.
God, was he sorry.
He let his anger, his hatred prevent him from having peace. Prevent him from even attempting to speak to Bruce civilly for the longest time. The man had given him so much and asked for nothing in return. Somewhere along the line, Jason had forgotten. Forgotten that Bruce never wanted him to go out and be Robin. Never wanted any of them to pick up his crusade. But he allowed them to, because he realized that they would do it with or without his permission. And it was better for them, if he was there to watch, guide, and protect them.
He forgot how to let Bruce be his dad.
“No, no, you have nothing to apologize for,” Bruce murmured. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ever making you doubt my love for you. You'll always be my child, even if you don't want me to be your father.”
Jason shook his head. His voice thick with tears as he spat in reply, “Yo-You always hug the others. Give them pats on the back. Hell, I walked in on you and Tim cuddling the other day! Why do you do that with them? Why not me?” His voice broke on the last syllable.
“Oh, my sweet boy, I-I didn't think you'd welcome it. You only just started coming back around, talking to us, to me again. I didn't want to push you away by asking for more than you were willing to give. It was enough to have you here.” Bruce inhaled shakily. “I've made so many mistakes with you. With all of you. I sometimes wonder if I'm doing more harm than good.”
Jason shook his head vehemently. “No, I would have been dead without you. If I'd stayed on the streets, I would have died anyway.” Jason paused to consider his next words, before deciding to hell with it. He was tired of the tension between them. “You are a good dad. I blamed you for not killing him, but I know what that would have done to you.”
Bruce carded his fingers through Jason's hair. “I almost did. The only reason I didn't was because Clark pulled me away, flew me back to the Cave and put me on lock down until I saw sense. Even still, he was in the hospital wing for months recovering.”
Jason's brow furrowed. “I didn't know that.”
Bruce huffed, “You haven't exactly wanted to listen to anything I say since you came home. Besides, I was ashamed. Not because I did it, but because I couldn't finish it. Even if it would have made me a hypocrite.”
Jason squeezed Bruce tighter. “I should have stopped to think things through instead of letting others cloud my judgment, but when I heard about Tim? I thought you'd replaced me. That I didn't mean anything to you.”
Bruce pulled Jason's face away from his neck, forcing eye contact. “I need you to listen to me and listen well. No one, no one, could ever replace you. Just like you didn't replace Dick, Damian didn't replace Tim. You are all my boys, my babies. You all have your own unique skills and personalities.”
Bruce smiled. “You all have your own ways of pushing my buttons, but I would not trade any of you for anything. I love you. I love your brothers and sister. And whatever Stephanie decides she is this week.”
Jason snorted, as tears welled in his eyes again. “I think she said she's the fun uncle this week.”
Bruce smiled back at him, his own eyes suspiciously wet. “Ah, so that's why she's taking everyone to the zoo on Saturday.”
Jason tucked his face back into Bruce's neck. He closed his eyes and relaxed deeper against Bruce. “Would it be okay if I stayed here for a while?”
Bruce swallowed thickly. “You can stay here as long as you want.”
Jason heard what Bruce meant. For the first time in years, he could hear what his dad was telling him. He was still welcome in Bruce's life.
He would always be welcome.
Everything wasn't magically fixed. They would still have their disagreements.
But that's family.