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“How long has it been?” Came a voice from the dark.
Andrew turns startled, he saw Chris enter the apartments small cramped bathroom. It was late and Andrew had obviously woken up startled.
“What?” He muttered, an edge to his voice.
Chris smiled warmly. “How long has it been since we’ve had a real conversation?” He looked back as he closed the door to actually make proper room for them both to stand comfortably and let Andrew back up from the sink. “Without your..” Chris glanced over at the other, “your outbursts.”
“I’m not a kid, Chris. I don’t need you to sugar coat my anger issues. I know they’re there.” Andrew sighed turning back to the sink, splashing his face again.
Chris glanced at the bathtub and sat on its ledge. “I know..”
They were quiet for a minute or two, Andrew staring deep into his reflection with breaths that didn’t seem to want to calm.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Chris asked softly.
Andrew rolled his eyes but when they landed on Chris he saw his soft expression and somehow his usual attitude was wiped. Now he just felt a bit defeated. “Talk about what? How much this all sucks?” He let out a sigh leaning more onto the sink.
“What about it sucks?”
Andrew let out a scoff, “what about it?” He looked at Chris, his hair falling in the way of most of his view now. “I have to live with it. And—and I thought getting you back would fix so much but…” he stopped himself. He would rather die than admit he and Chris had grown distant and that it was his fault on top of it. He was aggressive and he wasn’t there for Chris when he most needed it.
Chris was silent.
“And having to focus on classes on top of whatever the hell all this is… I have three exams tomorrow—well today—and I-I know I’m going to fail because I can’t get sleep because I’ve been so paranoid this past year and that hasn’t gone away!”
Chris still stayed silent.
“I honestly don’t know what to do. Nothing is getting better.” He groaned defeated, his posture—still leaned over the sink—collapsed to let his head hang, his grip on the sides of the sink tightened.
“It will get better, Andrew. I promise.” Chris finally spoke. “It’s hardly been five months, you’re not used to us yet.”
Something about not being used to Chris broke him inside, but he didn’t fight the notion.
“I’m sorry, I should be there for you more I—“
Andrew’s head swung up, looking directly at Chris “Don’t try to take responsibility when none of this is your fault in any… any way.” He yawned.
Chris’ expression shown his worry, during Andrew’s rant his breath began to fluctuate ending up in it quickening. Chris walked over and placed a hand on Andrew’s back, rubbing a slow hardly noticeable circle. “You should try to get some rest.. I promise everything will be okay when you wake up.”
Andrew looked up, the stained mirror showing two people, Andrew’s eyes met Chris’ through that mirror. It felt calming. It felt right.
Andrew sighed and pushed himself off of the sink. “Yeah… I’m just being over paranoid.”
Chris nodded slowly. “If you want and it wouldn’t be weird or anything I could come stay in your room..”
Andrew fully turned to Chris. They’d fallen asleep on call thousands of times, laughing until they fell asleep to wake up to the sound of the other getting ready, but Andrew never thought it would move on from that.
In his flustered thought he just sat and stared at the other. Reliving nights of sleep deprived conversation over the phone and thinking about what they’d be like if the two were in person together. “Sorry.. yeah that’s..that’s weird.”
Andrew focused his eyes on the other. “No, no I would… I would like the company.” He slowed his speech in the middle realizing the excitement he should really repress.
If it were any brighter you’d be able to see the flush on both their cheeks as they stood disconcertingly close talking about literally sleeping together. They both felt as if they were overreacting. They were acting like teenagers when they get their first shot, except this was different. This was truly intimate.
They both walked back to Andrew’s room Andrew getting in bed first with Chris nervously standing at its side. Andrew sat there a bit awkwardly before beckoning him to lay beside him. He slowly crept his way into the bed under the covers. He was hit with warmth he hadn’t felt in a while.
After a silent minute Andrew gently pulled the other closer holding him. Chris honestly didn’t know what to do. Him and Andrew’s relationship seemed to go back and forth, he didn’t know how he should feel. He felt safe with him, he knew that and he felt it now.
“I love you Andrew.”
Andrew was quiet, he had quit moving. He assumed that Chris was half asleep and therefore other half delusional. Even so…
“I love you too Chris.” He closed his eyes. “Thank you.”